| The History of the Temple of the Solar Butterfly | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jan 3 2014, 06:31 PM (520 Views) | |
| diggerjohn111 | Jan 3 2014, 06:31 PM Post #1 |
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Frozen Wasteland Pedestrian, Official Server Old Guy & Bruce Springsteen Impersonator
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The Cult of the Solar Butterfly: The History of the Breakaway Boneist Sect- Part One: The Tears of an Ex-Clown In 1966 Quincy Mortimer Butterbean, aged 34, quit his job as "Lobo the Clown" for a early morning children's television show in Tempe, Arizona and decided to "drop out" of society, like many of the youth of the time. Butterbean's goal was to hitchhike to San Francisco, and take part in the thriving counter-culture. About 10 miles outside of the city, Butterbean, still in his clown costume, failed to get any drivers to pick him up in the blazing June Arizona sun. Passing out in a ditch along Interstate 10, Butterbean saw a vision. In that vision a giant green and red butterfly told Butterbean that it was he who carried the blazing sun across the desert sky, and that it was pre-ordained that Butterbean would reform the established Boneist Church, take over for that church's leader, the Reverend Bone Canoe, and bring about a new age for both humanity and insect kind. Butterbean was found by Arizona State Police sometime that evening, and after telling the officers of his vision, spent six months in the psychiatric wing of the State University of Arizona Hospital, and was treated for a combination of delusional hysteria and an addiction to snorting clown make-up. Once released, Butterbean was homeless and destitute. After wandering the streets of Tempe for several weeks, a private investigator tracked Butterbean down and told him about the vast fortune he had just inherited from his late uncle, Mortimer J. Butterbean, the inventor of various glow-in-the-dark marital aids. With his new found wealth, Butterbean bought a home in Pasadena, California and took up a new hobby, painting duck hunting decoys. After one session of painting male mallard ducks, and inhaling paint fumes, visions of the former Detroit Tigers' centerfielder, Ty Cobb appeared to Butterbean, telling him that he needed to establish his own sect of Boneism, with the Butterfly as "The Guiding Lightgiver" and that Butterbean needed to dress entirely in alligator leather. Cobb also mentioned a hatred for minorities and a knuckle curveball, but Butterbean has never elaborated upon these two revelations. Though Butterbean did order a fatwa of death upon then-Baseball Commissioner Bowie Kuhn for allowing for Designated Hitters in the American League. In 1970, Butterbean bought the former Chico's Discount Car Wash in east Los Angeles, and built the first Temple of the Solar Butterfly in its place. Most of his first parishioners were confused former car wash customers, but among them he did start building the foundation of a new religion. After two years of building his religion's base, Butterbean decided that the world was doomed to nuclear holocaust (it was also this time that his church was due for a tax audit). He took his blossoming group of 3 followers, and their St. Bernard, Mr. Slobber Pants, to the hills of Colombia and built the Temple of the Solar Butterfly Commune and Coca Leaf Experimentation Facility. Feeling that the foothills of the Andes would be safe from nuclear fallout, and the "magical qualities" of the coca leaves that Butterbean were consuming, the compound of the commune was built in an amazing 12 hours. Seeing this as a blessing from the Solar Butterfly, Butterbean then went on to write an opera that contained one note, and a doctoral thesis on the effect of the candy coating on M & Ms in two days. This was considered the Salad Days of the Colombia Experiment, after his morning anxiety attacks and nose bleeds, Butterbean would consume a bushel of coca leaves and run up several mountains - always returning with new revelations and orders from the Solar Butterfly for his followers to adhere to. One of these rules was to take the Temple on a road to infamy. Stay Tuned for Part Two of our Documentary; Q.M. Butterbean - the Bill Buckner of Cults. Edited by diggerjohn111, Jan 3 2014, 07:01 PM.
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| Square | Jan 3 2014, 08:33 PM Post #2 |
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Controversial
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Wow "Toots amazziballs" |
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| bonecanoe86 | Jan 4 2014, 04:05 PM Post #3 |
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Administrator and Diehard KingofdaHipHop Fanboy
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This is truly the greatest tale that has ever been told. I can't wait to see what Butterbean does next. |
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| B-29 Bomber | Jan 4 2014, 10:56 PM Post #4 |
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She is not amused at Fegelein. FEGELEIN!! FEGELEIN!! FEGELEIN!!!
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CONSPIRACY!!!! |
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| UnitRico | Jan 5 2014, 05:14 AM Post #5 |
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HAIL THE HORSE MASK
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Solar...butterfly? Spoiler: click to toggle
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| Square | Jan 5 2014, 05:14 AM Post #6 |
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Controversial
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B29 you get avatar? |
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| Square | Jan 5 2014, 05:16 AM Post #7 |
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Controversial
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It didn't show unit |
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| UnitRico | Jan 5 2014, 08:33 AM Post #8 |
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HAIL THE HORSE MASK
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Really? It shows for me. |
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| B-29 Bomber | Jan 5 2014, 03:48 PM Post #9 |
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She is not amused at Fegelein. FEGELEIN!! FEGELEIN!! FEGELEIN!!!
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I've always had one, just that the old one stopped showing a while ago, before your time.
That is because you are a bitch, and we all should strive to kick your ass! |
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| Square | Jan 5 2014, 04:11 PM Post #10 |
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Controversial
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It says something about "can't display" and "zerochan" And ooh fancement |
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