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| How to negotiate different belief systems? | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Apr 18 2008, 11:07 PM (287 Views) | |
| Willow | Apr 18 2008, 11:07 PM Post #1 |
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I'm going to be coming up against a bit of a sticky situation soon. Because my funding is ending and I just need to finish up 2 more courses before I can graduate, I have to move back in with my parents for a space of time. The subject of religion is of course going to come up. So beyond having to explain my beliefs to them when I know they won't respect mine, even though I respect theirs...I'm a little worried about difficult conversations. What I mean by that is I know at least one family member will want to engage in religious debates with me. And I know there is no way to give honest answers to some questions without causing offense. I love and respect my family too much to want to hurt or offend them. Can anyone think of some ideas or some advice for navigating a situation such as this? Edited by Willow, Apr 18 2008, 11:07 PM.
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| Soulless | Apr 18 2008, 11:31 PM Post #2 |
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About 10 years ago I knew a woman who was going through college and was dependant on her parents for financial help. They paid her rent and utilities and gave her a little spending money. She was in her mid or late 20's at that time and had been a Wiccan for about 4 or 5 years but still hadn't told her very Christian family. She worried over how to tell them as she was certain they would disown her. They had done so previously over someone she was dating. I suggested that she maybe leave some books or objects around her unit when her parents visited. It would be a way to discuss the subject and educate them a little before she tackled the actual telling. She actually had some long talks with her mother about Wicca, and was able to tell her a lot of what it was about without having to deal with the emotional aspects of telling them. Well, to cut a long story short, by the time she did tell her family, they knew enough about Wicca to not freak out about their daughter being a witch (movie variety) or a Satan worshipper. I actually think her father had figured it out months before and had come to terms with it. He was a calming influence on her mother when they were told. If there is someone in your family that you think is likely to accept your faith without too much drama then it might help to gradually feel them out on the subject. Having someone as at least moral support can help keep an emotional situation from getting out of hand. If you have someone there that knows already and if not exactly approving at least not disapproving, then you wont feel as set upon when the inevitable emotional scenes occur. Don't know if this helps any, but I hope it does in some way. I'm always happy to give advice, good or otherwise.
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| Rhonda | Apr 19 2008, 12:00 AM Post #3 |
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resident bible thumper
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I would have to agree with Geoff. That's an excellent way to "soften the blow" so to speak. Believe it or not, I get a hard time from my family. They think that I'm going overboard in my beliefs and all that, so I get a difficult time of it. I mostly just tell them that if they can tell me one way my "radical" beliefs are hurting me or anybody else that I'll reconsider it. The only thing they've been able to come up with so far is that I never have any fun....*snort* If they only knew.... It's just not what they'd call fun.
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| Willow | Apr 19 2008, 12:00 AM Post #4 |
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That's some good advice Geoff. One family member does know, but she's agnostic (was the "black sheep" for that reason for the longest time). My other sister doesn't know that I'm pagan, but we have had some discussions about personal beliefs and she respects mine. My mom...well I know she'll never be comfortable with it. She has some odd ideas about Christianity even. I actually think I fight less with her about religion now than when I was a Christian oddly enough. I suppose when I get asked questions that I know I shouldn't answer I could simply indicate that I don't wish to answer because I don't wish to cause offense. Edit: Rhonda thanks for the advice - it got a good laugh out of me :). And good for you. If your beliefs aren't hurting anyone else, then there's absolutely no reason you shouldn't be able to practice them. Edited by Willow, Apr 19 2008, 12:03 AM.
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| Soulless | Apr 19 2008, 12:05 AM Post #5 |
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Oops! I just re-read your question. I didn't answer what you were asking. If I understand right you were asking about how to avoid discussing your beliefs when you know they will cause arguements. Is that right? Or have I misunderstood again? |
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| Willow | Apr 19 2008, 12:06 AM Post #6 |
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Well avoiding discussing specific belief topics. One member loves to debate and will want me to justify why I don't believe what HE believes...and the only way to honestly answer that is to cause offense. I may not be writing too clear after just handing in my last paper (15 pages yikes). |
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| Soulless | Apr 19 2008, 12:16 AM Post #7 |
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Hmm. I've been in a slightly similar situation with my last landlord who tried constantly to get me to convert. You can't exactly shut the door in your landlord's face. I used to dodge the question by getting him to talk about what he believed instead of what I believed. Of course, it only works if the other person is one that likes to talk about themselves, and he truly did. If that isn't an option then as you said, you may have to simply say that you don't want to talk about it as it'll only cause offence. Not an ideal solution. Sorry I can't be of much help. I guess not having a faith sometimes works in my favour. I've never had to explain to anyone, at least no-one I was worried about offending. |
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It's just not what they'd call fun.
8:58 AM Jul 11