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| Dear Stacy... [UPDATED]; Creeper writes a letter to the advice column about his lovelife... | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Feb 5 2010, 08:15 PM (155 Views) | |
| dogchasingcars | Feb 5 2010, 08:15 PM Post #1 |
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Dear Stacy, Hey, Stacy! They teach us in school to only put 'dear' at the beginnings of letters to friends and family, but since the name of your column is Dear Stacy I figure it's okay here, right? Not too formal or anything? Heh, anyway, I really don't know where else to turn right now. I don't have many friends who understand my situation, and those that do are just giving me these really depressing answers...I dunno...maybe they're telling me the truth? I can't go to family with this problem because, um...we're not really on speaking terms, let's say; I really, really hope you can help me out here, Stace. I need some relationship advice. Yes, yes, I know, people write to you for such advice all the time, but I have a feeling my case was different. Okay, see, it went down like this: About three and a half months ago I met this really great gir--let's call her Shamrock for now--and we hit it off almost at once. Sure, she could get a little pushy, pouty, angry, and abusive sometimes, but I liked her, you know? I even nearly killed this crazy chick when I thought she'd murdered my Shamrock! So yeah, things were going great for a while, despite my alter-ego's constant nagging. But then things went, like, really, really bad. Shamrock knocked me out and tied me to a table. At first I was all like "Oh, yeah, baby, sexy doctor plus me in a bondage collar equals happyhappyhappy!" ...But then she injected me with cyanide in the hopes of killing both me and my alter-ego. Her reason for this was, and I quote, "I loved you...so I had to get rid of you. Ya keep the ones ye hate n' get rid of the ones ya love. 'Cause the ones ya love make ya weaker." I mean, there are some really good reasons to commit murder, don't get me wrong, but I was her boyfriend! Don't I fall under the 'DO NOT KILL' catagory? And to top it all off, now I'm green! I used to be the greatest shade of yellow, like a shade of yellow that could turn a lemon into a lime out of envy, but then that cyanide messed something up inside me and I turned freakin' GREEN!! I gotta tell you, I look like Kermit the Frog's child-molesting second cousin. ....But in spite of all that...I can't help thinking about her, wondering if she's all right wherever she is. I heard she checked herself in the psych-ward or something at Gotham General, which means she knows she needs help, and now she's getting it. I still have feelings for So should I move on, or forgive and forget? You'd totally be doing me a solid if you helped me out with this, Stace. Can't wait to hear from you, Kreepy Kermit |
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RP1: Catwoman/Selina Kyle, Beastie/Rolly Rifkin, Victor Zsasz, Prank, Jackson Droll GCH (Young!): Victor Zsasz, Beastie/Rolly Rifkin, Jackson Droll "I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to DO with one if I caught it!" "My dogs are HUNGRY! Pity there's only one of you!" "The Joker's just a mad dog. I want whoever let him off the leash." "Let's see how loyal a hungry dog REALLY IS!" | |
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| dogchasingcars | Feb 17 2010, 12:06 AM Post #2 |
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Dear Kermit, I hope this doesn't sound too terrible, but the first time I read your letter I was about to call the police and tell them Just in case my readers are just as confused as I was, allow me to recap: Three and a half months ago you met "Shamrock", and the two of you began a romantic relationship. You became enraged when another woman attempted to come between you two, but in the end you pulled through, in spite of your more "primal urges" (or, alter-ego, as you put it) telling you to take what you could get. But then things took a terrible turn. "Shamrock" were in the midst of...getting into something more serious when suddenly she proclaimed that she loved you so much that she was terrified of getting hurt if things didn't work out, so she broke it off with you before you could with her. The pain you felt resembled the agony of being injected with cyanide. You discovered that she'd all ready found someone else to fill the Kermit-shaped hole in her life, and the thought of her in the arms of another has turned you green with envy, whereas previously you were always happy, sunny yellow. "Shamrock" eventually began pining away for you so terribly that she's been checked into Gotham General. I must tell you, Kermit, that there are literally hundreds of women in Gotham reading this right now who would do almost anything to get their hands on a man like you. As to your real question, I can tell that the love between you and "Shamrock" is strong and pure. Everyone's been hurt by a relationship gone wrong at some point in their lives, but do not despair! The bottom line is: "Shamrock" loved you deeply enough to force herself to break up with you so she wouldn't suffer if things went bad on terms out of her control. Right now she's vulnerable, but don't think I'm telling you to take advantage of her like that! I recommend visiting her in the hospital, perhaps starting over as friends again and seeing how things go from there. It's entirely possible that your problems were brought on by rushing your relationship, a common enough mistake. Please, send us a follow-up if you can! I'm sure everybody in Gotham is dying to know how this tragic love story ends! The Best of Luck, Kermit! Stacey |
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RP1: Catwoman/Selina Kyle, Beastie/Rolly Rifkin, Victor Zsasz, Prank, Jackson Droll GCH (Young!): Victor Zsasz, Beastie/Rolly Rifkin, Jackson Droll "I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to DO with one if I caught it!" "My dogs are HUNGRY! Pity there's only one of you!" "The Joker's just a mad dog. I want whoever let him off the leash." "Let's see how loyal a hungry dog REALLY IS!" | |
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| dogchasingcars | Mar 25 2010, 10:50 PM Post #3 |
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Dear Stacy, You asked for a follow-up, so here it is. I didn't ever get a chance to actually follow your advice and visit Me being the helpless lovesick puppy-dog I was, I immediatly swept her off her feet and whisked her away to Ireland. It's her homeland (are you still wondering why I call her Shamrock?). Everything's pretty much perfect now, though sometimes I kind of miss the familiar wailing of police sirens at one in the morning. ....Oh! One more thing I guess I should say, since you're obviously so interested in my life. See, when Shamrock came to me, one of the first things she told me was that she was pregnant...by another guy. Of course I had conflicting emotions--I was angry, scared, hurt, and pathetically overjoyed at the fact she wanted me back. But in the end, love conquered all. It's not that big of a deal, really. Not much has changed, except Shamrock gets these weird cravings and pukes a lot. She always was kind of mood-swingy, so no changes there. I really can't wait for the little tyke to arrive! Maybe when he's older I'll be able to kind of tell what his father looks like, so I can rip the guy's-- I probably shouldn't say that if this is going to be in the paper on the back of the Sunday comics. Don't want the little ones back home seeing it, right? Anyway, thanks for your interest and support, and I'm pretty sure you owe be a buck for overseas postage. Still Creepy, Crawly and Green, Kermit |
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RP1: Catwoman/Selina Kyle, Beastie/Rolly Rifkin, Victor Zsasz, Prank, Jackson Droll GCH (Young!): Victor Zsasz, Beastie/Rolly Rifkin, Jackson Droll "I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to DO with one if I caught it!" "My dogs are HUNGRY! Pity there's only one of you!" "The Joker's just a mad dog. I want whoever let him off the leash." "Let's see how loyal a hungry dog REALLY IS!" | |
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