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| Captain Falcon's Brawl Intro | |
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| Topic Started: Jun 23 2009, 02:44 PM (21 Views) | |
| Leon Ni'Kate | Jun 23 2009, 02:44 PM Post #1 |
Link, Tails, Krystal, and Leon Kennedy Fanboi
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I just re-found this oldie. Its from the pre-Brawl release days of the Brawl boards on GameFAQS...so you know its a bit messed up. It made me laugh then, and it still does now. Captain Falcon sits down at a computer screen. He's gained weight since Melee... over 9000 pounds to be exact. He sits at the computer playing World of Warcraft. His nipples are gone. They are covered by layers of fat tissue. His other muscle have deteriorated too. They are also now just fat. Captain Falcon's suit still fits though and it's tighter on him than ever... but that's not really a good thing now. Captain Falcon suddenly get's an IM. Sakurai: Falcon! Get off your ass! It's time for the Brawl! This is what Falcon was waiting for! He cancelled his quest party and logged out of WoW. It was time for a comeback. Captain Falcon starts going through a tough training style. He does 1,000,000 Falcon Sit ups, the same amount of Falcon Push ups, and he runs a Falcon Lap around his Falcon House. He opens the fridge and determines he doesn't have enough eggs. So he goes to the source. Captain Falcon runs all the way to a farm in Alabama (He lives on Hawaii). On the farm he forces the chickens with his mind to lay over 9000 eggs and to go get more eggs for him. Falcon gets the eggs and a giant bowl and makes the biggest protein shake the world has ever seen. He drinks the shake with his feet and it flows through his body replacing his blood. This protein blood becomes powerful enough to blow all of his fat leftover off and it flys into a meteor in space. Captain Falcon becomes his good old self! The meteor aligns with Earth for a crash landing to destroy it. This is Falcon's true test to see if he's ready. Captain Falcon jumps up, through the atmosphere and into space. He prepares his fist. It's time... Falcon... P... p... p...... PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUNNNNNNCHHHH!!! Captain Falcon makes the meteor evaporate in a single paunch. The massive explosion makes him descend towards Earth. The camera shows Captain Falcon many miles above the stage, falling at a rapid speed, while playing a flaming guitar with his teeth. He gets bored and throws the guitar at a nearby mountain, causing the mountain to explode. Only instead of debris, pornography comes flying out of the explosion, which Captain Falcon looks at while eating raw meat, drinking beer, and flexing his biceps. He gets bored with the pornography, so he destroys it all with his chest hair, which he can grow at will. He finishes his raw meat and beer, so he eats the beer glass, like a real man. He still has quite a long way to go before he crashes into the stage, so he starts striking manly poses, while shooting bullets out of his iron nipples. These bullets explode upon impact with the ground, launching a flaming truck into the air, straight towards Captain Falcon, who slices it in half before it can reach him with the force created by him flexing his pecks. As he passes the gas tank, which became detached, he falcon paunches it causing it to explode with the force of a nuclear warhead. This propels Captain Falcon towards the stage at an incredible speed. Captain Falcon crashes into the stage with a pelvic thrust, done at near the speed of light. He climbs out of the crater he created, and flexes every muscle in his body at the same time. The incredible force created by this kills everyone within a 500 mile radius, and every female in the universe climaxes. |
 You can minish my cap, majora my mask, or ocarina my time, but if you twilight my princess you're going down! | |
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| Krystal | Jun 29 2009, 04:43 PM Post #2 |
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O_O ... All I can say is WOW. Just WOW. Although, I don't remember climaxing when Brawl came out... 
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| Leon Ni'Kate | Jun 29 2009, 04:50 PM Post #3 |
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Link, Tails, Krystal, and Leon Kennedy Fanboi
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That's 'cause this intro was never implimented. All we got was him jumping out of Blue Falcon in a very generic un-Captian Falcon manner. |
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You can minish my cap, majora my mask, or ocarina my time, but if you twilight my princess you're going down! | |
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| Leon Ni'Kate | Jun 29 2009, 05:14 PM Post #4 |
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Link, Tails, Krystal, and Leon Kennedy Fanboi
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Though, it's probably best that this intro, no matter how epic, was left out. Think about how it would be to have to sit and watch it play out every time you start a match with Captain Falcon.... Plus, I think it might eventually sterilize the women of the world. The body was not meant to take that much...excitement. |
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You can minish my cap, majora my mask, or ocarina my time, but if you twilight my princess you're going down! | |
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7:15 PM Nov 30
