The "Completely Possible" Horror Story

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The "Completely Possible" Horror Story; Exactly what it says on the tin.
Topic Started: Dec 8 2008, 07:36 PM (89 Views)
Jeff	Dec 8 2008, 07:36 PM Post #1
Lord of Pie & BBWs Posts: 1,390 Group: Four Against Nature Member #3 Joined: Jul 6, 2008 Quote You are but the strongest KNIGHT! You should be able to ROCK ME!	On a whim I decided to engage in a challenge that struck me as interesting: to make a horror story that's actually possible - that is to say doable in real life however unlikely. To elaborate my point, nothing that is flat-out impossible will happen here. Examples being: Jason's immortality, Freddie killing people in dreams, little green men, zombies/vampires/ghosts, etc. How is this possible?! Read on to find out. The Cast: Dean Maincharacterwhomakessnarkycommentsinthefaceofcertaindoom Dean is a goofy, happy-go-lucky guy who gets caught up in a mystery and survival game with a loony. Dean's whit is only matched by the unending lameness of the puns he throws about. Jake Whiteanglosaxonprotestantwhointhebookversionlivesbutiskilledinthemovie The usual standby who plays the straight man to his friend's douchebaggery. In the book he is portrayed as a fairly average guy who happens to have a faith in Christianity. In the movie he's a womanizing perverted hypocrite who constantly spouts off half-truths and Biblical misquotes. Shane Iamtotallynotlivingtiltheendofallthisbutwillgarneranamazingfanbaseanyways Shane is a bastard. He's also an amazing thief and sneak due to his unnatural luck with natural 20's. He's also an alcoholic, a prick and the only one to get laid and thus is killed unceremoniously after the story's climax (Sorry). Gwyn Thatoneblondegirlwhosurvivesinallthesequelssomehow The single most homely character in the story, described by the author as "OH MY GOD, IT'S HORRIBLE! WHAT HAS SCIENCE DONE?!" and "Buttermilk", she somehow eludes death due to her complete lack of genre savvy behavior - hey wait a sec, what?! Lemonjello Thatoneblackguywhoappearedinthatonemoviethatonetime In the original book, LJ was a brilliant scientist with the creation of several new elements and the cure to cancer under his belt. In the movie, due to the book mentioning in passing that he was an ethnic minority of an unknown background, he is a large black man whose sole purpose is to say "SNAP, FOO'!" a lot. The author is still crying himself to sleep at night. Hanna Belle Lectior The popular girl at the school whose favorite jacket says in giant, red lightning-like letters "I AM THE KILLER IN THIS STORY" and enjoys calligraphy and collecting My Little Pony dolls. She sometimes comes off as a little unbalanced but an otherwise okay person... right? Right?
	Come visit me and my thought processes at my website: http://www.publishedauthors.net/tdotdw/news.html "In the cold light, justice and morality always look corny and you can't wave the flag and look cool. But like it or not, society needs its heroes." - John Hart; actor who played The Lone Ranger.


Jeff	Dec 8 2008, 08:49 PM Post #2
Lord of Pie & BBWs Posts: 1,390 Group: Four Against Nature Member #3 Joined: Jul 6, 2008 Quote You are but the strongest KNIGHT! You should be able to ROCK ME!	Part 1 - Prelude to Bad Stuff It starts with the stereotypical DARK AND STORMY NIGHT schtick at a California court house in NAMENOTSPECIFIED County. We see some backs of some people that might be important eventually but as of now are just backs. Not even sexy backs, just backs. Judge: Well, there is ample proof here that you murdered, raped, cannibalized, burned and urinated upon a minimum of 32 nameless, faceless victims... and not necessarily in that order either. However, this is the California law system, and as a result there's probably a loop hole in the wording somewhere that lets you off scot-free so why fight it? Innocent. Case dismissed. Back of MYSTERIOUS PERSON: Wewt. The next day, the sun is shining and the pavement isn't even wet as a girl wearing a "I AM THE KILLER IN THIS STORY" jacket strolls towards the door. She runs into some friends along the way or what we are to assume are friends. Girl 1: So, where were you yesterday? I AM THE KILLER IN THIS STORY Jacket Girl: I had the 12 hour subpoena--err-- I mean flu. Girl 2: The rampant disappearances around town or your mysterious disappearances around the same time are not at all related nor bothersome, Hanna! I AM THE KI-- Hanna: Of course! Hanna goes into her class where the conveniently color-coordinated classmates sit and do varying things. Dean, in his green trench coat, is reading a manga that probably would not sit well with the authorities of the school. Jake, in the blue vest, is reading some book. Shane, in the red t-shirt, is lying on the floor in a puddle of his own crystallized barf. Gwyn, in the purple dress one would hesitate to wear in public due to being an American antique, sits perfectly still pretending to be acting. LJ, wearing the yellow hoodie, is yelling "OH SNAP!" at random passersby. Hanna sits down in the back row. Teacher: Okay, I'm going to sit up here and briefly detail the recent rash of disappearances and murders of young, white males. Discuss. LJ: Actually, I'd prefer to discuss the impact of Chinese tyranny on the global economy during the Cuban Missile Crisis. Teacher: Lemonjello, shut up and just say "OH SNAP!" LJ: OH SNAP! Teacher: That's better. Dean: The murders only seem to happen to good lookin' dudes with wild hair. Jake: That assures Shane's safety. Shane: (Half-asleep) Fugg off... Jake: In fact, is it really okay to just leave him lying there? What happened to him? Dean: I don't know. When I asked he just told me "Fear & Loathing In LJ's Basement". Teacher: Well, I need a smoke break. Here, watch this video of hilarious airplane landing bloopers. Random Student: I FIND THE CONTENTS OF THIS TAPE QUESTIONABLE AND IN POOR TASTE. Teacher: Oh, jump off, you'll be stone dead by the end of this story anyways. You don't even have a name. Dean: Neither do you... The teacher leaves the room, taking a small handful of illicit substances from his pocket. Hanna: Whelp! I best get to... murderin' that teacher-- I mean-- murderin' that teacher -- I mean -- murderin' that... homework assignment. Dean: Oh. I almost forgot about the homework. Jake: Oh. Me too. Want to compare answers? Dean: Yeah. I was a little confused on number 5. Jake: You too? Dean: I put down "Purple". Gwyn: Dean, that's a Math assignment... Jake: So? I got Purple, too. It must be right! Hanna gets up, taking out a 12 foot long katana from her bag as she walks past the distracted Jake and Dean. Screams of bloody murder are heard. Teacher: BLOODY MURDER! BLOODY MURDER! ... NO SERIOUSLY! BLOOD MURDER!!! Gwyn: You guys got purple? How did you do that? Teacher: OH DEAR GOD, SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!!! I AM SLOWLY BEING SKINNED ALIVE!!! Dean: Well, I substituted "Orange" for the X and just worked my way down. Teacher: IT WAS HANNA BELLE LECTIOR IN THE HALLWAY WITH THE KATANA! Gwyn: That still doesn't add up. Now I'm just getting "Green". Jake: You're going the wrong way down the spectrum. Hanna strolls back in, covered in blood, whistling casually as she takes her seat. The scene cuts to later when everyone is leaving school. Shane: Oh God, the world's still spinning. Jake: It is not. Dean: Yeah, the Earth stood still today, didn't it? Jake: That explains the awkward weather patterns. Gwyn: I'm going to Dean's house. Jake: Me too. Shane: Same. LJ: AWW SNAP! Dean: DON'T JUST INVITE YOURSELVES!!! Hanna: I have some... umm... murderering of upperclassmen to contend with so I'll... uhh... see you guys later. Shane: Bye person we foolishly trust. Dean: Who is that, anyways? Jake: Hell if I know. The scene switches to a dark, ominous alleyway. And it's raining again. The random student we saw before is walking - or more accurately stumbling and tripping like an idiot - through the scene. Hanna casually strolls up wearing an umpire's mask. Hanna: Hello, little boy. Are you lost? Random Student: You're Hanna from my class. Hanna: ... Nnnnnno. I'm the evil serial killer whose identity shall forever be an unkno-- Random Student: Hey, Hanna, did you copy down the homework assignment? Hanna: ... It's page 93 questions 1-20. But that doesn't matter. Those are problems I'll be solving by myself. Because you'll be dead. Random Student: Tch. Portal reference. Hanna: ... STABBY ATTACK! RS falls over, squealing like a little girl as Hanna goes to stab him with her oversize'd sword, but she hesitates due to his screaming at her. She pauses, then raises the sword up to strike again, but he squeals again, causing her to lose focus. This happens a third time. Hanna: Look, can't you just accept your needlessly violent and gory death like a normal person? RS: But you can't kill me! MY SOCKS DON'T MATCH! Hanna stops to check to make sure this is true. Hanna: DAMN IT! You're right! Here, my sock matches the one on your left foot so... Hanna trades socks with RS. Hanna: There, now I can kill you properly. Hanna lifts the sword up again, but RS wets himself. Hanna: URGH! GOD! Why are you making this so hard? Most people just die and... FINE! Hanna trades entire outfits with RS. Hanna: HAPPY?! RS: No. Hanna: TOUGH! Hanna stabs RS repeatedly before he can protest as she storms off in a huff. -END PART 1-
	Come visit me and my thought processes at my website: http://www.publishedauthors.net/tdotdw/news.html "In the cold light, justice and morality always look corny and you can't wave the flag and look cool. But like it or not, society needs its heroes." - John Hart; actor who played The Lone Ranger.


Rem	Dec 8 2008, 09:15 PM Post #3
Why yes, I do like snickerdoodles. Posts: 218 Group: Four Against Nature Member #4 Joined: Jul 6, 2008	This reminds me of 90% of all the horror movies out there. ...
	Have you ever wondered what color air is?


Jeff	Dec 8 2008, 09:49 PM Post #4
Lord of Pie & BBWs Posts: 1,390 Group: Four Against Nature Member #3 Joined: Jul 6, 2008 Quote You are but the strongest KNIGHT! You should be able to ROCK ME!	Part 2 - Bad Stuff The scene switches to Dean's house which, for no adequately explored reason, is a massive mansion. They sit around and chit-chat for a bit about how weird murderers are and how weird it'd be if they knew one - you know, the usual rigmarole before the real slaughter goes underway, so let's skip that crap. If you want to actually SEE that crap, be sure to buy the 50th remake's 50th anniversary 50th edition remake edition with special features edition edition and check out the extra section marked "that crap". Suddenly, Hanna bursts through the door, umpire mask and RS's clothing and all. Hanna: HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE'S-- Dean: Hanna? Hanna: ... Johnny. Jerk. Dean: Why did you break down my front door? I mean, it wasn't locked and everyone else was inviting themselves over to my pad. Hanna: I AM A MYSTERIOUS MASKED MURDERER WHO QUIETLY--... oh wait. Oops. Can we start over? Jake: ... What? Dean: No! I ALSO REITERATE MY PREVIOUS QUESTION. Hanna: Umm... I... hmm... I came to... uhh... see... De--... Ja--... Gw--... SHANE! Shane: Wewt. Let's date! Hanna: 'kay. Shane and Hanna leave everyone else behind, so naturally they act as if all is normal. Dean: Glad THAT'S over and not a psychotic episode. Suddenly, they hear a woman shout, so they all rush up the stairs to find Shane, mostly nekkid but also conveniently covered. Jake: Dear God, he's dead! Dean: I'LL GET YOU BACK EVIL BOSS! And that guy owed me like five bucks. Gwyn: I'm so scared! If someone would hug me, or hold me, or french kiss me, I'm sure I'd feel much, much better! LJ: Looks like he choked on a lego. Jake: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! SHANE! I TOLD YOU NOT TO PLAY WITH LEGOS WHILE YOU WERE DRUNK! LJ: Actually, I'm fairly sure he was sober. Jake: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! SHANE! I TOLD YOU NOT TO PLAY WITH LEGOS WHILE YOU WERE SOBER! LJ: Oh. My mistake. it appears he had a few beers but not much more. Jake: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! SHANE! I TOLD YOU NOT TO PLAY WITH LEGOS WHILE YOU WERE... MILDLY BUZZED! Dean: You did? Jake: No, but someone had to say it. LJ: This reeks of murder! Dean: And wee. Gwyn: Why do you think it was a murder? He was pretty careless. LJ: Namely this letter here next to the body that says "HAHAHA. I murdered him, I murdered him, I murdered him. Love, Hanna". Dean: She murdered him? Jake: That's exactly what she WANTS us to think! LJ: Um... yeah. That's exactly right. Jake: Looks like they made whoopie first. Gwyn: That fast? Dean: WHAT?! He got some before me?! SHAAAAAANE! Dean shakes his fist violently in the air. Jake: Isn't that your bed too? Dean: SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE!! Dean shakes his fist with more anger. Gwyn: And there's more than one... umm... fluid. Dean: SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE!! Jake: We should split up and hunt for her before she finds us. Dean: Good idea. I'm with Gwyn, seeing as how she's the sole remaining sane female. Gwyn: Yay! Jake: Then LJ and I will team up. LJ: Aww, snap! The two teams set out, but the camera goes with Dean and Gwyn first. Gwyn: Where are we going?! Dean: To hide in the closet! We'll be safe there, in dark, cramped, closed quarters with no chance of escape from it! Gwyn: That sounds... counter-intuitive. Dean: I AM THE MAIN CHARACTER. I DEMAND CLOSET MAKEOUT TIMES. Gwyn: Well, if you insist~... Dean and Gwyn go into a nearby closet as Hanna strolls up, holding a sign marked "APPLAUSE". She then pulls the door open. Dean: DO YOU MIND?! Hanna: Oh. Sorry. Hanna closes the door, begins walking away, realizes what just happened, then turns and opens it again. Dean: I SAID-- oh, poopy, it's you. Hanna: Indeed. Any final words? Dean: If I wasn't terrified beyond the realms of rational thought, I would point out just how silly it is to wear an umpire mask and try to pass it off as a legitimate disguise. I mean, seriously, you can see right through it. Even a watermelon jack-o-lantern would be a step up. Hanna: Watermelon...? Dean: PEYOW! Dean punches Hanna, knocking her over and runs away with Gwyn in tow. Hanna: DAMN IT!!! DAMN MY SHORT ATTENTION SPAN, DAMN IT, I SAY!!! The scene changes to Jake and LJ hurrying down some random corridors. Jake: Why does this building appear like 20 times bigger inside than outside? LJ: Who knows... Suddenly, Hanna is in their way. Jake: Crap, she runs fast. Hanna: Actually, it's a slightly hurried stroll, not a run. LJ: Don't worry, Jake! Due to pressure groups, I basically have complete immunity to death! Jake: Swell. Does it extend to me? No. DO SOMETHING. LJ: I got the perfect plan! Hanna: Enlighten me. LJ: Iiiiiiiiiin west Philadelphia, born and raised... Hanna begins slowly shaking at first, which quickly becomes an overpowering spasmodic shake. Hanna: FINISH IT!!! LJ: ... I forgot the rest. Hanna: ONTHEPLAYGROUND'SWHEREISPENTMOSTOFMYDAYS, CHILLIN'OUTRELAXIN'ACTIN'ALLCOOL, SHOOTIN'SOMEB-BALLOUTSIDEOFMAHSCHOOL, WHENACOUPLEOFGUYSWHOWEREUPTONOGOOD... LJ: Quick! This trick is only gonna buy us like 30 seconds. RUN! Jake: Brilliant! LJ and Jake flee while Hanna's eyes roll around in her head like pinwheels as she recites the song. Soon, the four main characters reunite. Dean: QUICK! How many people are allowed to survive until the end of a slasher flick?! Jake: Like four. Dean: GOOD! We can kill her and avert any sequels! LJ: I'm game, but how do we do that?! Gwyn: Holy water? Jake: Silver bullets? LJ: Crosses? Dean: Moving bodies of water? Hanna: Wrong! Hanna hurries onto the scene, wielding her huge sword. Dean: HEY! LOOK OVER THERE! IT'S... uhh... who are girls really into these days? THAT GAY DUDE FROM TWILIGHT OVER THERE! Hanna: REALLY?! WHERE?! Dean whips out a small gun and begins firing. Hanna: OWWW! What the--? OW! OW! OW! OW! STOP IT! Jake: An airsoft gun? Dean: When all life gives you is a hammer... Hanna: OW! OW! OW! OW! OW! THAT'S REALLY MEAN! STOP I-- OOOOWWWW! YOU HIT MY EYE!!! ARGH! YOU INCONSIDERATE JERK! WHY DID YOU SHOOT ME IN THE EYE?! OWWW! Ooooh, that stings!!! This goes on for a while until the scene closes. -END PART 2-
	Come visit me and my thought processes at my website: http://www.publishedauthors.net/tdotdw/news.html "In the cold light, justice and morality always look corny and you can't wave the flag and look cool. But like it or not, society needs its heroes." - John Hart; actor who played The Lone Ranger.


Dietaku	Dec 8 2008, 10:05 PM Post #5
Grade A /B/tard Posts: 502 Group: Members Member #19 Joined: Nov 17, 2008 Quote TOO MUCH HIGH POWER MAN!	Haha! Good stuff. You even used my purple gag. Keep it up.
	"SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE!!"


Root	Dec 8 2008, 10:09 PM Post #6
The Speaker for the Dead Posts: 588 Group: Four Against Nature Member #2 Joined: Jul 6, 2008 Quote If you're going through hell, keep going.	And sadly this is more entertainment than any horror flick I'd ever care to see. Well done....well done.
	Does being the only sane one make me the insane one, in a sort of way? Though my eyes could see, I was still a blind man; Though my mind could think, I still was a madman... "Yes there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run...there's still time to change the road you're on"


Jeff	Dec 8 2008, 10:10 PM Post #7
Lord of Pie & BBWs Posts: 1,390 Group: Four Against Nature Member #3 Joined: Jul 6, 2008 Quote You are but the strongest KNIGHT! You should be able to ROCK ME!	Part 3 - End of Bad Stuff Narrator: And with that, the young students learned a valuable lesson. Dean: Airsoft. Never leave home without it. Narrator: Dean married Gwyn... Jake: Wait, what? You did? Dean: Yeah. Uncle Sam gave us a big tax break. Jake: And you simultaneously condemned your progeny to a life of sequel stardom. Dean: ... CRAP! I DID!!! Narrator: Dean also majored in Action Hero Movies. Dean: Awesome! Narrator: Gwyn majored in Underwater Basket Weaving. She had seven children. Dean: SEVEN?! Gwyn: What do you know? I'm pregnant again. Dean: ;-; Narrator: Jake went on to do something cool. Jake: ... cool, I guess? Narrator: Shane became President of the United States of America. He was unanimously declared the best one since George Washington. Shane: Still dead Narrator: And Lemonjello said "OH SNAP!" LJ: OH SNAP! SOMEONE CALL MY LAWYER 'CUZ SOMEONE'S GETTIN' SUED FOR THIS ADAPTION! THE END.
	Come visit me and my thought processes at my website: http://www.publishedauthors.net/tdotdw/news.html "In the cold light, justice and morality always look corny and you can't wave the flag and look cool. But like it or not, society needs its heroes." - John Hart; actor who played The Lone Ranger.


Root	Dec 8 2008, 10:12 PM Post #8
The Speaker for the Dead Posts: 588 Group: Four Against Nature Member #2 Joined: Jul 6, 2008 Quote If you're going through hell, keep going.	Excellent! I can't imagine you doing it any better than that. Certainly gave me some laughs.
	Does being the only sane one make me the insane one, in a sort of way? Though my eyes could see, I was still a blind man; Though my mind could think, I still was a madman... "Yes there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run...there's still time to change the road you're on"


Rem	Dec 8 2008, 10:33 PM Post #9
Why yes, I do like snickerdoodles. Posts: 218 Group: Four Against Nature Member #4 Joined: Jul 6, 2008	Can I become the president when I'm dead? Please?
	Have you ever wondered what color air is?


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