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| Amazing Quest 3: Ever Made Story; The most amazing story ever told...kinda | |
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| Topic Started: Nov 22 2008, 06:14 PM (183 Views) | |
| Jeff | Nov 22 2008, 06:14 PM Post #1 |
Destroyer of Worlds
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Amazing Quest 3: Ever Made Story Brought to you by the cooperation of: JeffCom DTK -Controls- AKA: How to do something you should already know if you ever played a game before and if you haven’t… well, shut up and listen. Control Pad – Move around/Scroll through menu options. (The code is Up-Up-Down-Down-Left-Right-Left-Right-A-B-Start. Now you can quote Contra with style!) A Button – Check/Confirm/Poke/Agitate the Walrus B Button – Hold to Run/Cancel Y Button – Why not? X Button – Open Map/Ask for directions at the gas station after going past the same intersection for the third time Start – Opens menu/Closes menu/(Un)Pause game while in-battle Select – Can you name a game that actually uses this, because I sure can’t L/R Buttons – Display HP/MP gauges on overworld without opening menu -Cast- No, nothing is broken – these are the main characters of the game. Guy T. Man Class: RPG Hero Element: Fire The main character of our story. He has brown, bushy hair and manly sideburns as well as a generic long sword that just shouts “I AM THE MAIN CHARACTER”. He’s a fairly well-rounded character except for a particularly glaring weakness in that he sucks at casting magic and doesn’t learn much of the stuff for a while and by the time he DOES learn it, he’ll be hitting too hard for it to matter at that point. Bolte, Princess of Totallynotin Toruble Class: Princess of Mediocrity and Healing Element: Light The alpha female and probably the potential love interest just to make sure we take no chances and push no envelopes. Her twin yo-yos are her preferred weapon of choice and she’s fairly proficient with them too. Her real specialty, however, is her curative magic she has as well as her ludicrously high special stat to use it with. Nixx Class: Pretty Boy Element: Wind With wild, unkempt white hair, Nixx personifies the usual stereotype about track athletes all having white hair (don’t ask). He brandishes his double spoons with deadly accuracy and will stand by his best friend’s, Guy, side without being asked. He’s careless, brash and a deadpan snarker, just like all good sidekicks! Roth Class: Beefy, Chunky Stew Element: Earth Roth is a large, hulking berserker with power to spare. He quickly befriends Nixx upon meeting him and agrees to work alongside them. He has high-damage moves but little MP with which to spam them, but his defense is second to none. He wields his unstoppable “STOP” sign to devastating effect. Tim Class: Japanophile Element: Shadow Tim is a… well he wants to be a… okay, he’s not a ninja by a long shot. He found a ninja field guide and has been obsessed with ninjas ever since. Unable to find a trusty katana to call his own, Tim has instead found a remarkably stale piece of French bread which might have fossilized by now. Tim’s “Toss” command makes him a little better-rounded than Nixx, but the complete absence of a “Defense” or “Special Defense” stat makes him a glass cannon. Starr Class: BBW-Bunny Girl Element: Water Starr is a wandering scholar, studying all she finds, both natural and artificial. She can scan enemies and discover their strengths and weaknesses, or attack using her enormous brea—Rocket-Propelled Grenades. RPG’s in an RPG?! Madness! She’s a sweetheart, but she’s a sweetheart with an itchy trigger finger. Deima Class: Furry (Not really) Element: Null The mighty chimera sorceress, Deima, spoken of in ancient legend, is hundreds of years old by now. She’s as lazy as she is powerful and has a legion of demonic minions to clean her messes up for her. She’s actually a secret character, but since the instruction manual mentions her, we figured we would too. She’s worth getting, even if only for her special move - Hissatsu Zeikei Suki – which can kill even late-game bosses instantly. -Plot- Yes, we have one of those! Long ago, mankind was at its zenith, having mastered technology and the art of Magic, the Lost Masters ruled supreme. However, having ignored pleas by the various monster races and their emissaries... Emissaries: Nothing good will come of you prying the shadows for the Secrets of the Universe... Lost masters: You People are still here? Get out before we call the Police! Anyways... ah, yes... Secrets of the Universe... The resulting cataclysm, dubbed the "Overkill" utterly annihilated the heart of human civilization, allowing Monsters to reign once again. However, there are those who didn't learn even after all these years... and wish to ply in the darkness where humanity ought not to tread... |
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Come visit me and my thought processes at my website: http://www.publishedauthors.net/tdotdw/news.html "In the cold light, justice and morality always look corny and you can't wave the flag and look cool. But like it or not, society needs its heroes." - John Hart; actor who played The Lone Ranger. | |
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| Dietaku | Nov 22 2008, 06:17 PM Post #2 |
Grade A /B/tard
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-The Game- One of these too! -Chapter 1- Here We Go Again… For the First Time The first cinema opens with a white-haired youth running into FIRST TOWN before it zooms in on one house in particular. Nixx: YOOOOOOO! Guy: ... (Can't a guy get any rest...) Nixx: WAAAAAKE UUUUP, GUUUUY! Guy: ... *opens the window and glances down* It's 4 in the morning, you fuc-- Nixx: I KNOW! I'M ON THE FIRST DAY AT MY NEW JOB! Guy: Then what are you doing HERE?! Nixx: I'M A MESSENGER!!! Guy: YOU DON'T HAVE TO YELL! I'M ON THE BOTTOM FLOOR!!! Nixx: *Cough* I'm a messenger for ours and the Kingdom next door! Apparently the old king of Totallynotin Toruble died and an evil tyrant has taken over. Guy: ... So? What's that got to do with ME? Nixx: ... *Shrug* Nixx: Oh! I remembered. The tyrant threw the beautiful maiden princess Bolte in the dungeons! Guy: ... Nixx: ... Guy: ... Nixx: WELL?! Guy: WHAT?! Nixx: You're the only one I know of who has a sword! YOU gotta do something! Guy: What about the castle guards? Nixx: They only have SPEARS! That's not HEROIC! Guy: ... I'm not getting out of this, am I? Nixx: But thou MUST! Nixx: Oh, yeah, we have to cross the FORESTS of HATE! to get there! Guy: What's with all the yelling? Nixx: I dunno. Dramatic effect? Guy: NOT NECESSARY! Nixx: Okay, okay. Guy: But isn't vigilantism a crime? Nixx: It's only a crime if you're caught... Guy: *Gulp* *YOU FOUND -PANTS-* (+1 Def, -2 Love) Nixx: Got clothes on yet? Guy: Yeah, yeah... Nixx: Okay... did you get your sword? You have to -EQUIP- it under the -MENU- Guy: The way you're saying those things is... a little unnerving. Nixx: I'm compelled to highlight significant words that way. Guy: Why? Nixx: ... Umm... maybe... -SOMEONE-... in a... -ALTERNATE UNIVERSE- can -SEE- them and -USE- them... -MAYBE-. Guy: Stop that. So, then you take control of the duo. Be sure to look around the room for the closet in the corner. Inside, you'll find the NRML Sword. If you'd like, you can read it for your own amusement. Once you equip it, follow the path out of the house into the Forests of hate Nixx mentioned. --Forests of Hate-- The critters here don't really deserve the epithet that their home has been given, hardly being hateful. In fact, one might wonder the sanity of a mind who calls a glen inhabited solely by Berserker Mice, Murder Crows, and my personal favorite, Glub Munchkins, would be at all harmful, seeing as despite their menacing names, these fauna can hardly put up a fight against you even with Nixx and Guy being at level 1. Follow the path, taking any forks to gain several pieces of the FOIL type of armor (FOIL helm, armor, shield, and leggings.) Equip them on whomever you wish, and continue on. Once you reach a funny looking magic circle (A save state area) save, and continue on, examining the sign in front of you to trigger another scene Guy: Huh, it says that the road is closed... Meh, sorry, Nixx. Looks like we can't go on.... Nixx: But, but...The Princess! And my job! Guy: Hm, so good to have your priorities in order... Nixx: Come on! There’s nothing here! They’re trying to screw with us! Guy: Yeah? And who fell for it? (Guy tries to leave, but backs slowly back into the clearing, followed by a number of orange Munchkins) Guy: Uh, yeah… About that road… Nixx: RUUUUUN! (Guy and Nixx then run for all of ten feet before falling into a hole with a monstrous, bug eyed Munchkin leering back at them.) Huge Munchkin: Foooood! Guy: What the hell is this? Nixx: At least we know why the road is closed! --Boss Battle!-- Munchkin Mum LP: 1500 This isn’t all that hard, to be sure. Munchkin Mum doesn’t have high defense or attack, just a lot of life. Keep railing on her, and she’ll eventually burrow underground. If you attack her while she is underground, prepare for hurt, as she hits you with her “Earthquale” technique (yes, it’s spelled “Earthquale”. Don’t ask why.). This can hurt, so instead of getting a good chunk of LP blown away, use Nixx’s FEINT command to jab at her with one of his spoons for a little damage. This will ping her, removing her ability to use her “Earthquale” but also places her in the line of fire. Do this once or twice, and it should be over…. Guy: You have to wonder why they placed the sign only ten feet away from her nest… Nixx: The world will never know, I guess… Take the stairs to the left of the Munchkin Mum’s lair to go back outside, only to get into more trouble… Nixx: Ah! Fresh air! (a spear is thrust into his face) (The wielder of the spear, a knight in heavy, hydraulic armor appears, with several, lighter armored lackeys) Knight: So, this is the one tramping through the king’s forest? Take him in, boys… Guy: NOT WITHOUT A FALL GUY! --Boss Fight!— Machine Knight General Machine Knight Page x4 General LP: Infinite Page LP: 26 As you can see from the LP amounts, you can’t win this fight, even if you were maxed out in level. Sure, you can kill the Pages, but they reappear in a turn or two anyways, so it doesn’t make a difference if you off them or not. Just take your loss like a man, and be done with it… Knight: Let’s lock ‘em up, boys! Pages: Yes, Lord!!! You’ll be teleported to an underground dungeon, Take note that you can see Deliost from Amazing Story 2 in the cell next to you, but since Amazing Story 2 doesn’t exist, we just broke reality. You can thank us later. Anyways, once tossed in the slammer, you get another FMV. Nixx: LET ME OUT!!! I’ve been in here too long! It’s going to my heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeead! Guy: Relax: We’ve been here, for what, fifteen minutes? Deliost: Yeah. I’ve been here for three days now. You get used to it. Nixx: Hey, Deliost from that other game in our series! Guy: Idiot! Amazing story only has one game in it! Besides, Deliost’s got bigger boobs! NotDeliost: Well, excuse me that my breasts don’t fit your criteria…. Nixx: I never said that. That was him, not me. Him…Not me…. Guy: Who are you, really? NotDeliost: I’m the Princess, at least I was… The name’s Bolte… And you two are? Guy: I’m Guy, and this little horndog is Nixx… Nixx: I think we can be friends already! Guy: Riiiight… Well, now that I have two meat shields to protect me, I can take care of the guards, and we can bust out of this joint! (Starts digging around in her low-cut tunic) Nixx: Niiiice (Produces a yo-yo) Nixx: … Eh, not what I had in mind… Bolte: Hold on… hey, Mr. Guard-san! Can you help me? I really need to use the bathroom! Guard: Again? Damn, woman did you drink all the soda we gave you all at once? Geez! (Opens the door, only to be punched in the gut and hurled inside the cell, unconscious…) Bolte: Come on! Guy: What was the yo-yo for, then? --Dungeons of Not Toruble Keep— The Dungeon’s enemies are hardly better than those of the forest, being largely machine Pages, or at best Machine Squires. The only enemy I see you having a problem with at this juncture is the Mecha Paladin, an enemy from late in the game which DTK thought would be funny to add here. However, they only come by themselves, and with some curing from Bolte, then you CAN kill them. In fact, I recommend that you do, as they effectively grant you a free level up for everyone involved. As with the Forest, the path you take is straightforward, leading three levels up to the Not Toruble Courtyard --Not Toruble Courtyard— Once again, little has changed here, save that there is a save state circle you can use, along with an item and General Store. However, your equipment is on par with their best wares, so don’t bother, unless you want to splurge and get the Fshnt Stockings for Bolte, granting her a minor defense boost, which is optional. The random encounters here are the same as in the dungeon. I recommend being around level 6 for everybody before you go towards the Drawbridge, as it triggers another boss fight… Machine General with a staff and huge beard: What!?! The Princess escaped? Machine Squire: Yes, apparently, Roybob brought in two plucky adventurers for trespassing in the Totallytnotin Woods! She must have allied herself with them! Princess: Uncle! What are you planning? Trying to rule while Mother and Father are away? Uncle: Bolte, you idiot! Forces are at work here. And I need Toruble’s machine forges to align myself with them. Your mother and father would understand. That’s why they left me here to care for you! Bolte: I wa shock! Uncle: Indeed! Machine Soldiers! Eliminate them! --Boss Fight!-- Mecha Paladins and Cohorts Mecha Paladins x2 Mecha Squires x4 Mecha Paladin LP: 880 Mecha Squire LP: 250 This isn’t hard at all. Just rail on the Squires to lay the hate on the Paladins. Nothing here you haven’t seen before. If you need healing, use Bolte… (Yawn) On to the FMV Bolte: Uncle! Guy: Looks like he’s gone! Nixx: Hold on! Look! (He squints off into the distance) (Uncle and several regiments of Machine soldiers are boarding a train far below) Bolte: Of course! The service elevator! Come on! Take the stair to the right, to enter a machine room of sorts. The encounter rate in this area shoots crazy high here, so keep a tab on your party’s LP. In any case, head over to the elevator (the big empty gunmetal area) and press the control tab to lower it. However, despite the fact that you effectively ran down the elevator, you arrive just in the nick of too late… Uncle: Hahahaha! See you in Asef Haven, dear Bolte! Bolte: We missed the train, sonnuvabitch! CuntfuckSHIT!!! Nixx: Whoa, she can say that on a SNES game? Guy: Comes with being Royalty, I guess…. Bolte: You two! We need to get to Asef Haven! Guy: Uh… Why? Nixx: Guy… Bolte: (Blushing) I was hoping that you two, fine gentlemen would find it in your heart to help a poor young girl in her time of need… (tugs on her collar ever so slightly, so what little of her cleavage wasn’t visible is now in view) Guy: You’ve got to be kidding. Why would anyone he— (Nixx punches Guy to the ground) Nixx: What: Guy MEANT to say was that WHY would any princess need to ask? Of COURSE we’ll help you! Guy: (I WILL KILL YOU, NIXX!) Taking control of your party, follow the train tracks until you come across the sleepy hamlet of Ddimel Nowhere. Here, you actually have access to a decent general store (!) and an inn. Buy the IRON Sword for Guy, a SHNY Spoon for Nixx and a RED Yo-yo for Bolte. Fill out everyone with all the FOIL armor that you can afford and enter the path leading out of town, into the Temple of Sleeping Giants --Temple of Sleeping Giants— As with dungeons so far, this place isn’t TOO hard. The wrinkle here being that there are pit traps that will drop you down a floor below. However, these open randomly, alerting you to their presence. Just watch for them and saunter through. The monsters (Jiggy Jelly, Ancient Robo, and Shadow Pup) are slightly tougher than the baddies you have faced before, but not by much. The real challenge is when you get to the last two levels when the ENTIRE floor becomes trap panels, essentially making it necessary to keep moving. Once you reach the fifth level, be prepared for a boss fight. Guy: What the hell is WRONG with this place? Bolte: I had heard legends surrounding this place. I think some Lost master had hidden some rare code here or something…. Guy: So, that warranted all THAT? Well? Nixx: Uh, guys? (points to a shadow in front of them) Guy: Get back! --Boss Fight!— Shade Guardian LP: 1900 This guy is actually pretty tough. Keep Bolte in the back here, as he can hit pretty hard. Plus, his teleport special allows him to bypass Guy and Nixx and strike at Bolte. Thus, it’s imperative that you keep moving with all characters. However, if you whittle him down while doing so, and keep healing when anyone gets in the red, you should be able to beat him with a minimum of problems. Once you beat him, you gain the Shadow Talisman, an accessory that becomes very useful, especially later on, as it gives the equipped char the Guardian’s teleport ability. Guy: Got him! Bolte: It looks like he’s trying to say something…. Guardian: The time has come….The Ultimate Code is trying to break free…You…must stop ...it…Take this…(A glowing light appears from his hands, glowing over the party) (The Party gains the Job Class ability, along with the Grunt, Scientist, Rogue, and Gunslinger classes) (The guardian then disappears in a puff of smoke, revealing a stairway down) First off, the job system. This allows you to direct the stat growth of your individual characters, and gives them additional skills in addition to their character-specific skills. To increase the bonuses, use these in battle to gain Job Points (JP) once you gain enough, your job level with that class increases, allowing for access to better abilities. Once you get the hang of the Job system, I made Guy a Grunt, Nixx a Rogue, and Bolte a Scientist. Then, go down the stairway, to find yourself just outside of Asef Haven. Congrats! You made it through Chapter 1! Things get hairier from here, so be on the alert! |
| "SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE!!" | |
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| Jeff | Nov 22 2008, 06:23 PM Post #3 |
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Destroyer of Worlds
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-Chapter 2- An Earthly Matter… The trio walks up to a long series of tracks. Nixx: What the hell? This doesn’t look like a Haven! It looks like a MINE! Bolte: We have to go THROUGH the mine to get to the Haven. Besides, the royal family owns this mine… so it’s MINE, y’dig? Guy: *Sighs* Y’know, an equally good idea would be going home and playing Rave Master… Nixx: So, the mine isn’t that big, right? Bolte: Not that I remember… but last time I went through was on a small cart with an engine on it… so it might be a small walk. Guy: I wanna go home. Nixx: Well, let’s just go. We can’t be too far behind! Bolte: Right! Guy: … I could just cry. You then resume playing and go into the mine. The enemies are different, but the only nuisance is the goddamn bats are everywhere, even if they are weak. Bolte said it was a short trek, but five levels of bats later and you’ll find she was probably asleep most of the ride. Along the way you’ll meet generic miners in blue overalls who’ll offer advice like “Bats are common in caves” or “If you let onions simmer for too long, they’ll burn”. Before too much longer, you find a girnomous miner who will trigger a cutscene when you speak with him. Big Dude: I'm one of the miners here at this operation! Umm~ why did you want to talk to me? Nixx: Well, the unique sprite tipped us off. Roth: Ahh. Well, I'm Roth. I'm one tough cookie! ... B-but don't think for an instant that I'm dumb just because I'm big! I graduated with a 4.0 GPA from Miner U! Guy: That's... great? I guess? Nixx: I just wanted to ask... why are you digging with a "STOP" sign? Roth: ... It's my shovel. Bolte: Nooooo... that's... a "STOP" sign. Roth: O… oh. That might explain why it’s not very good as a shovel! Bolte: Umm… yeah. Roth: I know! It’s an axe! Guy: Are you ignoring me too? Roth: But what can I do for you folks? Guy: FUC— Nixx: We’re trying to stop an evil tyrant from taking over the county of Totallynotin Toruble! Roth: Hmm… that is a pickle! Think an ox like me could help your cause? Nixx: Really? That’d be great! Bolte: Yeah! Guy: Don’t I get a say in any of this? Roth: It’s my honor! Guy: … Nixx: Let’s get movin’! Guy: *Sighs* Roth joins your party. He’s already in pretty good stuff, and comes with his STOP Sign as his weapon of choice. With your job classes in tow, you can choose to better-balance him or try to further his strengths, which is what I chose to do. I suppose you’re wondering why there are no weapons for Gunslingers. Don’t worry, the next town has guns, ye trigger-happy players. Resume your trek through two more floors until you catch up to Uncle. Bolte: Uncle! Stop! Uncle: Stop she says! Do I look like a stopper? Bolte: … uhh… wait, what? Uncle: PEYOW! Uncle takes off in a mad dash. Bolte: Man, that guy’s fast! Guy: That was pretty careless on your part… You then enter a minigame with 6 doors on the left and right sides. Going into one will cause Uncle to move from one to another and you basically chase him in circles until you figure out what door leads where and head him off at the pass, as it were. Once you do that, you automatically move to the next and last floor of the mine, an open area. Guy: The jig is up! Nixx: Yeah! It’s over! Guy: (Hey! I got acknowledged for the first time this chapter!) Nixx: How was that, Bolte? Bolte: That was a great opening line! Guy: (I hate my friends.) Bolte: Okay, Uncle! What have you been planning in this mine?! Guy: (But at this point I can pretty much say anything I want…) Uncle: Huh! If you must know, a powerful talisman from one of the ancients is somewhere in this location. Bolte: What? Why would you want that? Guy: That’s what SHE said… Uncle: Hmph! A child such as you wouldn’t understand! Bolte: Your power fails you! Nixx: And you know what she means by THAT! Uncle: Hmph. I don’t have time for this. Meet my pet! MEGA MOLE BREAKER! The entire area starts shaking. Roth: Whoa! We’re really rockin’ and rollin’! Guy: That pun sucked! You’re then attacked as Uncle flees. --Boss Fight!— Mega Mole Breaker LP: ~2200 This fight is a pain even if you over-level (by now, you should be no lower than level 9). MMB has lots of powerful attacks, at the cost of low speed and defense. Guy’s “SLASH” tech, which can lower defense is a good one to spam, as is Nixx’s “FEINT” which can stop MMB from jamming a drill into your ass. He’s not even the chapter boss! Just keep up the heat and healing and you should be just fine… hopefully. Roth: Whew! That was some rodent! Is everyone okay? Guy: I’M HIT! I’M BLEEDING! I’M GONNA DIE! Nixx: Seems we’re all alright. Guy: . . . Bolte: Good! Let’s get moving. Guy: Fuck you guys… You then resume control as you exit the mine. When you do, there will be a save state area and a short trek into the next town. Heal up and buy some new equipment for Bolte who, according to RPG Law, has a completely different set of equipment from the male characters whereas all male armor is one-size-fits-all. You then get to meet some guy in the bar (you cannot leave the town until you speak with him) who tells you that the local lord’s castle has been overrun with ostriches. Man: You hear? Lord Baron had his castle taken over by ostriches. Guy: Ostriches live on this continent? Nixx: Ahh… ostriches… my mortal nemesis… we meet again. Guy: Since when are ostriches your mortal nemesis? Roth: Sounds serious… Man: Everyone knows medieval lords’ greatest rivals are the ostriches… Nixx: Totally. Bolte: This makes so much sense! Guy: NO IT DOESN’T!!! Man: The ostriches also set up a perimeter around the town. Guy: And no one has the common sense to step over or under that little band of duct tape they set up at the fences? Man: Do NOT underestimate the power of duct tape! Guy: (Well at least SOMEONE acknowledged me…) Nixx: So, if we help the local lord out, will he help us hurry to Asef Haven?! Man: How would I know? I’m just an NPC chilling out in a bar. Roth: You are rather eccentrically dressed… Man: I AM AN NPC CHILLING OUT IN A BAR. Guy: Sheesh, okay, okay! Well, let’s take a look at this castle… So, with a new objective in mind, head north of the town and you’ll find a ruined castle. Go on inside and you’ll be assaulted by two ostrich guards. Ostriches are durable and fast, but lack any real killing power. I recommend having Roth in the party for this part over Nixx. Don’t worry, if a situation comes up, you can tag out party members at any time. Once you kill the guards you’re free to enter or exit the castle as you will. It’s only three stories, but it’s set up like a damn maze with lots of traps, though most are usually indicated by big red buttons marked “DO NOT PRESS” that only trigger if you lack the common courtesy to acknowledge the blatant warning. There are some rock-pushing puzzles that look really difficult but are insanely easy in practice. Really, it’s just a fair warning of what’s to come. Eventually, at the end of the 2nd floor is a Magic Healing Water Fountain™ and a save state area, pretty much alerting you to the presence of the boss up ahead. This is actually a really good spot for grinding since the ostriches give good experience for this part of the game and for minimal effort. I was level 15 when I was done here, but I’d say level 12 should be sufficient. Go up the stairs and meet the boss of this castle. Ostrich: Kwa ha ha ha haaaa! Foolish mortals! Bow before me! I AM THE OSTRICH KING! Nixx: That’s… swell… Ostrich King: That’s right! Bolte: But why are you doing this?! What’s to gain by taking over a lord’s castle and imprisoning his people in their homes? Ostrich King: It’s because there’s no suit in playing cards named after Ostriches! Roth: … beg your pardon? Ostrich King: Yeah! There’s cups and swords and clubs and all this stupid stuff, but no ostriches! PLAYING CARDS SHOULD REPRESENT OSTRICHES TOO!!! Guy: What? That’s stupid. You’re stupid. Everyone here is stupid. Ostrich King: And I intend to keep this town for ransom until my terms are met! Nixx takes out a slip of paper and makes a little doodle, then presents it. Nixx: The 2 of Ostriches. See? It’s just silly. Besides, there’s no other birds in a deck… Ostrich King: BLASPHEMERS!!! I’LL CRUSH YOU ALL!!! --Boss Fight!— Ostrich King LP: 2500 The Ostrich King is quite a step up above his bastard underlings. He has fairly high stats and attacks twice per turn, though he lacks any special moves of note. If he lays an egg (whoa, weird), destroy it quickly before you’re neck-deep in enemies (the enemy cap is 8. Don’t push your luck.). Roth’s specials are useless due to the king being immune to earth-based moves, so using him or Nixx is really up to you. Just don’t let your health get too low, as when Ostrich King is below ¼ full health, it starts spamming a two-hit combo move, allowing 4 hits per turn. Ostrich King: N-no! I… the… King of Ostriches… fallen… by mere… humans?! Nixx: DAMN IT! Why are you not pushing up daisies already?! Ostrich King: Oh. Right. *Gasp* UGH! The king falls over and dies. Guy: Well, now that that’s been taken care of, we should go alert the townsfolk. Nixx: We should go tell that guy in the bar! Guy: STOP. IGNORING. ME. DOUCHE! You’re then taken back to the bar automatically. Man: Ahh! The ostriches went running in terror! You guys did it! Nixx: We are pretty badass… say you look kinda familiar now that I think about it. Man: Ehh~ no use in hiding it anymore. Lo! You look not at “Man”, but “Loyroll”! Nixx: Dude! You’re the mysterious cloak’ed hero from the first Amazing Quest game who didn’t join the party until you drove the dinosaurs extinct in the valley of oversized insects and sometimes reptiles too but had really low stats because you join like 20 levels lower than the main party but fangurlz admire your purple locks! Loyroll: Heh. That’s right. Guy: That’s… NOT. POSSIBLE!!! The universe should’ve just IMPLODED!!! Bolte: Oh, wow! I also loved your cameo in Amazing Quest 2 in the house on “ZOMG GIANT MONSTER” Isle alongside of Kimyawa! Are you two married? Loyroll: … We’re siblings. Bolte: B-but...! That makes my fanfics worthless!!! NOOOOOOO!!! Guy: *Horrified* Roth: Umm… guys, I think we should get going and stop bothering the heroes of ages past. Guy: Y-yeah… You then can leave the town and head to Asef Haven. No, there’s no sight of the lord of the castle you saved. Maybe it was Loyroll? Who the hell knows at this point? Anyways… the Haven looks like a Grecian bath on the outside, and the further in you go, more and more like the ruins of an ancient city from a completely different era altogether. Hey, it’s an RPG, what the fuck, right? When you arrive at the first set of ruins, your party briefly dialogs. Guy: Wow. Mood lightning out the wazoo ahead. Why does the sun not shine in there, even though there’s no canopy? Nixx: We’re getting close, right? Bolte: Yeah… but what would my Uncle want here? Nixx: You would know better than any of us. Especially Roth. Roth: Yeah… h-hey! Bolte: Archeologically speaking, we found everything here that could be of value… I dunno. Nixx: I conveniently heard some rumors about this being the place key to opening up the ways to the Upper Realms. Roth: Upper Realms? Nixx: Apparently that’s the place where “higher beings” live. Supposedly creatures of every conceivable shape and size are living there. Guy: But what would a big wig like ol’ Unc’ want there? Nixx: Good question… Guy: HAH! YOU ACKNOWLEDGED ME! Nixx: Fuuuu-- Bolte: Ha-ha! I win! Guy: … what? Nixx gave Bolte “Red bra”. Got 1 “R. Bra”. Guy: YOU BASTARDS WERE BETTING ON MY MISERY BY WHO COULD IGNORE ME THE LONGEST?! I’m not speaking to either of you. Nixx: Damn it. I really wanted that candy too… Bolte: Ha-ha! Roth: Guys, seriously. Stop and think for a moment. Your uncle wanted a talisman from the mines relating to an ancient tribe… and now we’re here… could there be a connection? Bolte: ! H-he couldn’t seriously be thinking of opening the seal, could he?! Guy: I don’t know. I’m not talking to you. You regain control. Equip the new item on Guy, Nixx or Roth for higher defense and a minor resistance to fire-elemented damage before moving on. Yes, only the male party members can use the Red Bra. Apparently there was a mix-up in the programming languages between “Only females” and “No females” but… meh. Move in a bit further will trigger the next scene. The heroes rush onto the scene to see Uncle having taking a hostage, with two guards holding a large woman at spear point. Uncle: If you care for the life of the innocent, you’ll stop right where you are! Nixx: … *glances at the other party members* Do we care about the lives of innocent people? Guy: Yes. Nixx: We do? Guy: Yes. Nixx: Are you su-- Guy: YES! Nixx: Okay, okay… The Uncle walks up onto a large, round platform and extends his talisman up into the sky. Uncle: HEAR ME, O’ BEASTS OF THE UPPER REALMS! OPEN THE GATES AND POUR OUT YOUR POWER INTO ME!!! … If that’s okay with you. Nothing happens. Guy: … Nixx: … Bolte: … Roth: … Guards: … Woman: … Uncle: OH, WHAT THE FUCK, MAN?! Do I have to put batteries in or something?! The large lady adjusts her glasses. Woman: Now’s my chance! She suddenly whips a massive bazooka out of hammerspace and takes both guards down with one swing. Woman: NEVER MESS WITH A FAT LADY WIELDING A BAZOOKA, ASS HOLE! Uncle: WHAT THE BACON?! Uncle scurries back away from her, near the wall where two large, stone statues adorn either side. Uncle: It… seems I made… a mistake. But that’s fine. This talisman’s power goes beyond just opening gates in time and space! Uncle holds up the talisman and the eyes of the statues open. Uncle: KILL THEM!!! Woman: Uhh… uh-oh! --Boss Fight!— Twin Statue Guardians LP: ???? This is a scripted battle. JeffCom lurves scripted battles if SF-X wasn’t any indication, but that’s fine. You start the battle just with the BBW and you attack fruitlessly against the statues. She has some buff/debuff spells in her arsenal, in addition to… well, a freaking bazooka, so she’s well-rounded, so to speak. After a few rounds, the statues employ an attack called “EH-MEHR-JEN-SAY!!!” and auto-KO her. Immediately after, Guy and the team you had before will leap into the match, only to have it done to them, KO’ing your two teammates and leaving Guy with 1 LP. This triggers a brief scene… Guy: Wh-what? I feel… faint. ???: What are you doing? KICK THEIR ASSES! Guy: I… can’t… ???: You need to believe… Guy: Believe what? Uncle: What are you mumbling about? Hurry up and die! ???: Believe… in the heart… Guy: Heart? ???: The heart… of pudding. Guy: I’ll… try… wait. No. No I won’t. That’s stupid. You’re stupid. I’m stupid for even listening to you, Mr. Disembodied voice. ???: LISTEN! To win you have to become a YUUSHA! A man with blood as hot as the sun! Guy: And I do that… how? ???: The strength of a man stems from his stomach! You must use that to your advantage! Guy: From… the stomach? Well, that sorta makes sense… either that or blood flow to my brain has ceased. ???: HEART… OF… PUDDING! Guy: I’ll… oh, what the fuck, right? If I die, I die and if I try this “Heart of Pudding” nonsense I die looking like a screaming retard. Might as well enjoy it… Your menu pops up, but you can’t select anything except your Tech/Magic window. Inside is a new power called “Heart of Pudding”. Select it. You’ll be brought to the “FLAVOR” submenu. Options are as follows: VANILLA – A common flavor boosts speed and endurance CHOCOLATE – A rich flavor boosts attack and defense STRAWBERRY – An exotic flavor boosts magical properties LOW-CARB CHOCOLATE-AVACADO-TAPIOCA SWIRL WITH SPRINKLES – Guy’s ultimate – and most dangerous – form. Now you’ll have this power forever, but bare in mind there’s a minor MP cost to transform and half the MP cost is “Maintenance” cost per round. Right now, the only option is the LCCATSWS so use it. Guy will FREAK THE HELL OUT and turn gold and shiny and his sword will fill 1/8 of the screen with its newfound size. The game then takes Guy’s control out of your hands. Guy: KICK. YOU. ASS. NOW! Statues: I suddenly have this feeling in my bottom, a strange ass-prescience. It tells me I shan't be able to sit for the next week... Guy then unleashes a can of whoopass, destroying one statue by sheer brute force with his newfound sword of awesome, and crushing the other with the “Supreme Cannon” technique which involves Guy flipping the bird and a massive laser following it up. Once the battle is over, Uncle has already fled, but not before dropping the “Earth Talisman”. Guy collects it, reverts to normal then turns to look at his KO’d party. He then walks over the KO’d bodies of Nixx and Bolte to walk over to the BBW. Guy: … Well… hmm. You were pretty badass… but… meh. Fuck it. I guess I’ll save you all this time… Guy then is shown briefly dragging everyone away from the scene and it reopens with everyone in an inn. Guy is standing by the window as everyone else regains consciousness. Guy: Ahh. So you’re awake? Roth: Where are we? Guy: I dragged you guys and your bleeding asses to this inn over in Obligatoryflowermotif City. Nixx: Ah. You’re such a nice guy, Guy. Bolte: And that’s why you’ll never get laid, because you’re unwilling to finish things you start. In a flash, Guy is at her side, with his foot on her head. Bolte: IT WAS A JOKE! IT WAS A JOKE!!! Guy steps back. BBW: Huh? What? What’s with the yelling? Guy: Oh. Right. You. Guy walks over to her. Guy: So, what’s the deal? Why were you at Asef Haven? BBW: I was doing some research. I’m what they call a “Road Scholar”, as it were. I… guess I owe you one for saving me. My name’s Starr. Guy: Starr, huh? Well, that’s cool… what were you researching? Starr: The talismans and the sealed gate to the Upper Realms. Guy: Oh. Right. About that, what the hell happened, anyways? I mean, when Uncle used the talisman… Starr: According to the legends, there are six talismans. He only had one when he tried, so of course it wouldn’t work. Guy: I see… Starr: What’s that? Starr took the Shadow Talisman without asking. Guy: H-hey! Starr: This is… you have one too?! Guy: That’s one of them? So I guess I got two, as I sto—found the Earth Talisman. Starr: Oh! Good! That means we can get into one of the ancient temples to find another talisman! Guy: And we want to do that… because… Starr: If WE have the talismans, we can stop that Uncle guy from getting what he wants! Bolte: If that’s the case, I’m game! Starr returned the Shadow Talisman. If you had it equipped, it’ll return to the character who had it. Guy: But if we have two, he can’t DO anything, right? Starr: The talisman’s powers extend well beyond just opening one gate. You saw what he did with those statues, right? If he gets, say, the Water Talisman, he could flood you out of house and home! Guy: … Okay, I see your point. Starr: There’s a temple not too far from here. Nixx: Where? Starr: The Desert of Dehydration-Induced Death after Wandering Around in the Sun for Weeks On End with No Supplies. Nixx: … uhh. I have a legitimate objection to going to said desert. Guy: Tough. We’re going. You then get control again and can go into town. As promised, it’s very… flowery. Take some time to get some new equipment – by now you should have way more than enough money to get everything upgraded except for Starr who comes pre-equipped with the best stuff she gets for now. Save before you go into the desert, damn it! When you get to the outer edge of the desert, you run into a very large sand dune. Nixx: Oh. Gosh darn. Wouldn’t ya know… we can’t go any futher. Guy: Idiot. We’ll just go around it. Guy casually strolls to the right, but the sand dune slides slowly to remain in front of him. Guy: … Guy then turns and goes back to the left, the dune following still. Guy: Well, there’s something you don’t see everyday. The dune explodes open and reveals a massive, brown, sandy tyrannosaurus-like creature standing there. Guy: That either. Wait, why am I so calm about this? … SHIT!!! --Boss Fight!— Sand Dino LP: 3000 This one is a bit tougher than previous bosses, having multiple attacks that hit all active party members and can induce the “Blind” status on you. This is largely because you now have Guy’s best ability set. Whatever you do, DO NOT USE his ultimate. It is indeed very powerful, but has a nasty tendency to random kill party members in a single hit. I recommend Chocolate Flavor if you’re going to use Heart of Pudding. The team you use now is completely up to you, though I prefer Guy/Starr/Bolte. Keep the healing up and keep Guy beating on it and it’ll go down before too much longer, assuming it doesn’t pull a lucky critical with its “Sandstorm” move which is liable to destroy your entire party in one move… Good luck! Beating it, however, yields a compass, which is just a plot-specific item, so just roll with it. Starr: It dropped a compass! This is lucky! With this, we run a far lower chance of getting lost! Let’s go! Nixx: DO NOT WANT!!! Guy: Let’s hurry. It’s still early, but it’ll heat up real fast if we’re not careful! They scurry into the desert. Congrats! You cleared chapter 2! |
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Come visit me and my thought processes at my website: http://www.publishedauthors.net/tdotdw/news.html "In the cold light, justice and morality always look corny and you can't wave the flag and look cool. But like it or not, society needs its heroes." - John Hart; actor who played The Lone Ranger. | |
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| Dietaku | Nov 25 2008, 04:35 PM Post #4 |
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Grade A /B/tard
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-Chapter 3- Under the Sun, all four of them. Having defeated the Sand Dino, the party finds itself on the outskirts of the Dehydration Inducing Desert. Go on for a screen and you see a water fountain, similar to a Magic Healing Fountain. Indeed, it does heal you, and gives you an FMV for your trouble. Starr: Being in the Desert, we should take some water along! Nixx: Wow, logic being used here? Bolte: Don’t you know? If we run out of water, then er could get seriously hurt! Guy: That’s the stupidest thing I ever heard! Bolte: Don’t say I didn’t warn you! Sure enough, Bolte and Starr are right here, as a timer appears at the top of the screen. That indicates the amount of water you have left. You can venture without water, but it saps the party’s life every second, making it a royal pain. Thus, I suggest that you turn back when you reach half or so water-time. In any case, head on, until you see a large dune. Where it is, I can’t tell you as the desert is random every game, but believe me, its there. When you reach it, go to the top, to realize WHY it is that your life depends so highly on water… Nixx: So hot. Must drink something. No Water. Wait, where’d my water go? (Guy is drinking his fill out of a canteen labeled “Nixx”) Nixx: Hey! Starr: I was wondering why things were so different from the last time I was here! Look! (The Party looks up to find Four (!) Suns in the Sky) Guy: Four Suns? How is THAT possible? Bolte: I smell a powerful enchantment. I imagine those three fake Suns have something to do with the talisman here! Roth: Knock ‘em down, and we get the talisman, eh? Bolte: (Sweatdrop) something like that. Graciously, a Magic Healing Fountain erupts from the dune you’re standing on, allowing you to refill your water. Now, you gain a nifty feature here, as you gain a semi-map of the Desert on the lower right corner of your screen. The fake Suns are located as blue dots on the map. Now, the trick here comes when you get near one, as the runes for the Fake Suns are protected by a mirror. The trick to find them is to find duplicated objects. This is a touch and go process, as some of the possibilities for where the runes are can be easily seen thanks to monsters running around (Yes, random encounters can be seen here) All I can say here is to keep at it, and you’ll eventually find them all. Once you do, head back to the large dune. (The fake Suns glide towards the Dune, and smash into one another, changing the landscape in the screen from a desert to a large lake.) Starr: I see, the Suns formed a illusion charm that masked this place from view Roth: But where’s the talisman? (The party sees a raggedy bum wielding a surfboard) Bum: Whoooooooooa, doods. Are you the ones who lifted that spell? Nixx: Uuuuuh, yes? (Bum runs over to Bolte) Bum: Whoa, a babe! How’s it going, toots? Bolte: Urk. Bum: And, you! (Rushes over to Starr) Hehe, what’s up, Babe? Nixx: I’m being ignored! Guy: Welcome to my world…. Bolte: It’s nice to meet you, uh. Sir. What are you doing out here? Bum: The name’s Lance, keeper of the Secret Perfect Surfing Spot. I was here, surfing when some old guy put up that spell, and I was stuck out here with nothing but my speedo and my special secret blend of Fruit Juice. I’m so psyched that you guys got me out of that. Is there any thing I can do to help you doods and babes? Guy: I wonder why it was hidden. Its out here! Nixx: Ssh! Plot point! Starr: Where did that old man go? Lance: Before he cast the Suns, he went to the Island in the middle of Lake Imporba over here. They say there’s something really ancient out there, man. Like ten years old or something! Guy: Is this guy for real? Bolte: Then how do we get there, Lance? Lance: DUH! Ya gotta SURF!! Bolte: Can we- Lance: No, toots. A Surfer’s board is his soul! You gotta make your own. It’s not too hard. All ya gotta do is get some WOOD, a ROCK, and CRAB. Bring it all back to me, man, and I’ll tell you how to make one, man… Lance: Oh, yeah, man. One more thing. You can’t surf like THAT. You gotta gets the duds. UNLIMITED SUMMER, MAN!!!! (The sprites of the party all change into pixilated swimsuits) Lance: Righteous! Starr: (Now a Platinum Blonde) I feel dumber….I can’t put my finger on it…. Nixx: Ah! Ah! AH! SPEEDO WEDGIE!!!! Guy: Hmph, amateur… Roth: Yeah, what he said…. (Bolte looks at him, a torrent of blood coming from her nose) Bolte: (Plugs up her nose) Okay, guys, let’s get cracking…. You regain control of the party, and need to get the three items Lance mentioned. I try to get the wood first, as it’s the closest one to your starting point. You’ll recognize the tree as one with a unique sprite. Using Roth out in front, approach the tree, which will intitate a minigame. Here you need to get the sliding pointer inside the tiny red portion of the bar three times in a row. Failure to do so will cause you to simply fail. Overshooting, even once will have amusing, but problematic results (Blew the tree into splinters). However, once you do, you gain the key item, “Righteous Timber.” Read the description, if you’d like, as it’s pretty amusing. Moving on, follow the beach to the left, and see a large rock. You can’t miss it, as it takes up half the screen, it so large. Here, have Nixx be the point character, and have him go near the rock. This minigame involves pressing the button as many times as you can in a minute. Try to get around 250, and hit any geckos that you see. They add 5 seconds to your remaining time. If you can get 250 or over, then you gain the,”Roll Rock.” Congrats, all we need is the crab. Go back to Lance and then go right, all the way to a small burrow. Change to Bolte, and you get the option to drop her yo-yo down the burrow. Do this three times to have a humongous crab burrow out of the sand below you and attack --Boss Fight-- Oversize Opponent Crab LP: 2800 This guy isn’t too bad. His only threat is his high attack and defense, so just use Bolte’s Choudenji Doa Spell to lay the hurt on him. Be warned, as when he yells, “FOOLS! It are Crab Time!”’ move everyone back, as he’ll do a wide swipe which can hit everyone in the front. Not too hard, otherwise. Win and you get the “Oversize Crab.” Return to Lance for another FMV. Lance: You got it all? Righteous, doods! (Eats the crab) Guy: I can understand why we needed the wood and the crab, now, but why the rock? Lance: Dood! I needed something to sit on! Nixx: Ooh! That makes perfect sense! Guy: Uuurk….. Lance then takes the Rock, The Wood and the Crab and gives you the “Titillating Board,” which you can now use to cross the lake. This begins yet ANOTHER minigame in which you have to guide your party (All one board, no less) past the waves and seagulls. Not too hard, although, if you get hit by anything, it's an instant game over….So watch yourself, os save often, either one. Once you get to the other side, you are greeted by a large doorway leading down into a cavern. Guy: I don’t like where this is going…. Bolte: Shut up and get in there! --Caverns of The Sun-- Finally! Some fighting! After that myriad of minigames, we can get back to beating on fauna toe get better at beating fauna. I was underlevelled, thanks to having no fights since the Sand Dino that were really hard (The Crab doesn’t count). Thus, I hung around the healing fountain near the entrance and ground my way through some Klub Munchkins and Werebats. After reaching level 17 for everybody, I continued on. The Caverns are long, and I probably could have just continued on in hindsight and still reached well over 17. Anyways, the caverns continue on for four levels down, and in doing so, you can gain the Brass set of armor and the Wllw Dress for Bolte and Starr (You only get one, now, though.) Once you reach a three way fork, go north, to initiate another boss battle… Guy: We’ve been trying to find this damn talisman for forever, now! What the hell is with this one? Starr: The talismans are powerful magical items. If they weren’t warded, then they’d attract all sorts of horrible things…. Roth: Ssh! I hear something coming! Bolte: Yeah, I can smell it, too! Nixx: I can’t feel anything… (A Giant Mantis Shrimp appears, scuttling along with some…people? On its back) Guy: Gee, thanks, Nixx! --Boss Fight!— Metal Mantis Shrimp LP: 3500 This guy is the toughest boss yet, so you better be ready. I recommend having Starr cast SHLD Up on everyone and having Bolte spam Choudenji Doa when not curing everyone. Nixx should spam Feint to keep it from bringing out its “Molt” regeneration aura, and have Roth use “Qualer” for massive damage. Keep it up, and eventually it will go down, although once it begins glowing red, be wary as it will begin using its “Snapshot” skill ,which allows it to fire bullets of air for massive damage. Try to avoid them, but do your best… Guy: Didn’t hear anything, you said? Nixx: Hey! It’s not like I have crazy animal ears or some spooky cursed nose or anything! Starr: (holding her ears, tearing up) Crazy animal ears? Bolte: Cursed nose? My nose is cute, you BITCH!!!! (Nixx is branded a misogynist and takes 350 damage) Nixx: Ooooooh, pain…. One of the people off the Metal Mantis’ back: Uh, excuse me. You people saved me! Starr: You’re a chimera, right? Chimera: Yes! Thank you for slaying that beast! It was terrorizing our people for so long! Come! Let me take you to my village! Roth: Sweet! Village! --Dun Falafel, Chimera Haunt— Welcome to the Chimera Village. It’s just like any other village, save the fact that it’s underground. I would recommend getting some better equipment, like another WLLW dress for the girl who doesn’t have one, the remaining bits of the Brass armor for the guys, and the respective weapons, (Guy=Hert Blade, Nixx=Duble Spoon, Bolte=Silver Yo-yo, Roth=Yield Sign, and Starr=Blu Bomm) Once you’re suited up, go around town and talk to the Chimerae for some nifty tidbits…Like the fact that there’s a crazy-strong Chimera Sorceress from Dun Falafel out there who apparently took down a god to save their village. Where she is, they don’t know. More importantly, there’s a Nest of the bastards that you fought before (Metal Mantis) Thus, as the intrepid adventurers we are, go north of town to go enter the Mantis Lair --Mantis Mine— While not particularly long, this optional dungeon is hard in that you have to fight five of the suckers you fought before. On the plus side, this dungeon does contain the most unbalanced weapon in the game, the Yuusha Shine. This weapon appears as a silver lance, and can be equipped by anyone, as long as they don’t have a class equipped. It increases your attack based on the current LP the equipped char has. Thus, in a late game party, this weapon will destroy bosses and enemies alike, Now, however, it will be too difficult to wield effectively, so get it, and leave. Nothing special. However, be sure TO get it, as the dungeon collapses after you leave, and if you miss it following the completion of Chapter 3, you can’t come back and get it. So, leave, to watch the dungeon collapse in on itself. Guy: What the hell? (The dungeon walls collapse, sealing off the Mantis nests) Guy: The Hell? Bolte: Apparently, the walls were being held up by the mystic power of the Mantises themselves… Roth: That or they couldn’t make mines worth beans… Bolte: That, too Return to Dun Falafel to have a chimera approach you. He wants you to go to the elder’s house. Guy: This better be important, lady…. Elder: Indeed, it is. I must thank you for rescuing our village from the menace of the Metal Mantises… Nixx: Meh, mehhmehmeh? Starr: (Alliteration isn’t always good, you know) Elder: In any case, a number of strangers not as compassionate are here, I’m sure for the same reason as you….The Talisman of Light. Guy: Where is it? Elder: In the caverns to the east. Be warned, though. Ever since those strangers came to us, those caves have been infected with our long dead. Tread warily, travelers… So, continue to the east to enter the Halls of Kings --Hall of Kings— I actually like this dungeon, as long as it is...It has a distinctly Egyptian flair. That being said, its enemies, namely the Dead Flesh and Embalmed Soldier, have the RISE! Ability, allowing them a 30% chance of rising from the dead when killed. This can get annoying, but allows you to gain crazy amounts of EXP. While it appears to be winding, the dead ends are fairly obvious, and serve to only give you more money, as most chests here contain crazy amounts of Gold. In anycase, continue on for ten floors to enter an area more technological than Egyptian… Guy: This place is just like that temple before…I have a bad feeling about this… Nixx: You sure its not gas? Guy: No… Bolte: I think you’re right. I smell a code here. A Strong one… (The floor erupts and a colossal mummy appears in front of them) Mummy: Intruders! I, Rahmhotekmet, shall feast on your flesh! For my glory! Guy: HOLY SHIT! Rahmhotekmet LP: 4800 Remember everything you hated about the Metal Mantis? Well, take those and increase them by five. Rahmhotekmet, or as I like to call him, Rahmheadfast, is extremely difficult. He has all Second level Offense spells, and a unique Skill, Weight of kings, which takes one Character and reduces them to a child. Literally. In child form, your stats are cut by 3/4s, making you susceptible to magic attacks. I recommend using Starr to cast Ail Ward to avoid being child’d, and lay on the hurt, hoping for the best. Once you win, you gain some new jobs! (Rahmhotekmet rises up and explodes, showering Code Runes across the Room) Bolte: He was being controlled by the Code itself! (You gain the Mechanic, Doctor, Athlete, and Pop Star Jobs) Uncle: Hahahaha, well, done, my dear niece! Bolte: Uncle! Guy: What the hell are you doing here? Uncle: Why, I’ve been here since our last confrontation, know you’d barge in here, and take care of the guardian for me. Leaving me, to relieve you of this! (Dashes off, and grabs the Light Talisman) Nixx: Damn, he’s fast! Roth: After him! Guy: Nah, he’s gone… Starr: Oooh….. Once that’s over, take the stairs to the right to go back to the surface, and go to the Factory Town of Indus Facto. Equip any job you feel like. I went for Guy=Mechanic, Nixx=Athlete, Bolte=Doctor, Roth=Grunt, and Starr=Scientist) That wraps it up for Chapter 3. Enjoy the sun once again! |
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| Jeff | Nov 25 2008, 06:48 PM Post #5 |
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Destroyer of Worlds
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-Chapter 4- Ninjas and Fire Factories and Bunny Girls, oh my! The next scene opens with a psychedelic, trippy background with the team standing around in a little circle. Oh, and the sprites are properly-colored/clothed again. The next part is… well, see for yourself. Nixx: Ha-ha-ha! Aaahhm so cool. Bolte: Oh, yes! Let’s make love! Oh, and ignore Guy! Guy: That’s it. Guy zips by, killing Nixx and Bolte bloodlessly (though a whole lot of *ahem* ‘sweat’ goes pouring off them while Guy does this). Roth: Duuhhh… when I grow up, I wanna be a popsicle. Guy: CEASE BREATHING!!! Guy then does the exact same thing to Roth, ‘sweat’ and all. Then, Starr walks up to Guy. Starr: You know… I really like you. You’re… so manly! Guy: R-really? Starr: Mm-hmm. Kiss me. Guy: (Sweeeeeeet) Starr: Guy? Guy: Hmm? Starr: Guy! Guy: What? Starr: Guy! Guy! Guy! Guy! Guy! Guy! Guy! Guy: Fuck, this is a dream sequence, isn’t it? The scene fades briefly, and then re-opens at a small makeshift campsite as Starr gently shakes Guy’s shoulder. Starr: Time to get up, sleepyhead. Guy: … Is… everyone okay? Starr: Mm-hmm. Why? Guy: One sec. Guy walks-off screen. Guy: WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!! Starr: (Sweatdrop) Guy returns. Guy: I’m better. Starr: Uhh… let’s get moving, then! You’re then taken to the overworld map. From here you can opt to go north or south, but the southern pass is blocked off because… of a block. It’s a large, wooden cube with white arms and legs. Block: I AM A BLOCK! Guy: … What? Block: I AM A SENTIENT BLOCK! Guy: So I see. Block: I BLOCK STUFF! Guy: That’s the dumbest thing I ever hea-- Block: I BLOCK YOU! Guy: … Why? Block: … ‘CUZ! Guy: I hate you. So, you’re left with no choice but to head north to a massive town, surrounded by mountains. That’s Indus Facto. It’s basically a huge slum town with cheap shops that sell stuff you could’ve bought in Guy’s hometown (which was named Firsttown, just so you know) or from the early merchants in Totallynotin Toruble, just to exacerbate how poor this poor town is. Did I mention they’re poor? Also there’s beggers every five steps, begging for 1 gold. If you want you can give them each one, but only if you’re ready to shell out 50 gold for nothing. Just mash “B” to tell them where to go and keep on trekking. There’s also some guy in purple spandex with an over-sized sword who looks very important, but if you speak to him, he just bitches about how he keeps having to murder his boyfriends and meteors and other such nonsense, so just ignore him. Eventually you’ll come to the city’s central structure – a massive, block and ominous tower. Bolte: Check out the phallic imagery! Nixx: What are you talking about? There’s NOTHING suspicious about a hucking fuge tower with a domed roof on it. Guy: This place SEEMS very important, but why are we here again? Roth: We were blocked out of the only logical route? Guy: We can always go home and play Rave Master. I call Haru. Nixx: Let, FTW! Starr: Wait, wait a sec… this isn’t right… there should be a temple here! I remember coming here when I was a little girl. Nixx: I kinda doubt you were ever “little”. Starr: … *Cough* But where the hell did this slum town come from? Roth: Wait, you’re saying that this town is built on top of one of the talisman’s temples? Nixx: Would it even still be here? Starr: Only one way to find out! Guy: Yeah! By forgetting all about it and not losing any sleep at night over this stupid, pointless meandering, aimless bull shi— Starr flashes Guy, causing blood to come gushing out of Guy’s nose and mouth. Guy: blargh~ Nixx: … Damn. Bolte: … Her power level is higher than I expected… Starr: *Ah-ahem* So… now… about getting into the tower… I don’t see a door, do you? Nixx: Hmm… I hadn’t noticed ‘til just now… but she’s right. There are no doors! Guy: *Cough, cough, hack* Yeah… but there MUST be a way in, right? Bolte: You’d think… ???: I know the way in! The team glances around for a moment before a short kid in black clothes, holding a long loaf of French bread under one arm addresses them. ???: Hi! I’m Tim, the inappropriately voiced ninja boy! Nixx: I cannot tolerate his voice! HE MUST DIE! Nixx attempts to rush at Tim. Tim: UWAGH! Nixx’s eardrums explode as he drops like a stone onto his back. Guy: Eh, you get used to it, I suppose… Tim: … Right. Um~ like I said, I know how to get into the tower… Nixx stands up. Bolte: Are you alright? Nixx: WHAT? Bolte: I said are you okay? Nixx: WHAT? Bolte: … Oh dear. Nixx: WHAT? Guy: Anyways, how DO we get into the tower? Tim: From the top. Most people use the elevator or a helicopter… Guy: Wait, helicopters? What the fuck happened to our “Medieval Fantasy RPG” motif? Tim shrugs. Tim: But no matter how you look at it, the only entrance is at the very top. But don’t worry! I’m a NINJA! Roth: Please stop. Your intonation is random as is, but the yelling… the yelling… Nixx: WHAT? Guy: Okay, but what’s being a ninja got to do with getting to the top? Tim: I’m an expert at climbing vertical surfaces! Bolte: Ahh. You’re a pole climber. Heh heh heh. Tim: ? Well, yes, but… what’s so funny? Starr: Tee-hee-hee… nothing. Tim: Well, whatever… shall we go? Guy: I never said you could join us. Tim: Maybe I should sing a song to convince you! Guy: OKAY!!! FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK, NO!!! YOU CAN JOIN!!! Tim joins the party! His only exceptional talent being the “Toss” command which basically means he’ll randomly select an item from the inventory and lob it at the enemy, which 99% of the time means he throws the enemy a healing potion. Apart from that, he’s a rather unremarkable glass cannon minus the cannon aspect. Face it, ninjas suck in SNES RPGs. Anyways, when you’re ready, walk up to the tower and Tim will prompt you if you’re ready to scale it. Accepting so takes you to a bitch minigame where you have to leap between the tower and another parallel building, but hitting glass on either structure is an automatic failure and forces you to restart the minigame. Also, you can’t be seen by the guards’ flashlights because, for some reason, that restarts it too. Have fun with that, by the way. At the top the group reconvenes momentarily. Guy: That was a serious pain in the ass… Nixx: I think my hearing is back… Tim: See? Not so bad! Bolte: Not my idea of fun. Roth: Hey, what’s that there? Tim: Huh? Oh. That’s the fire escape, but where would the fun in that have been? Everyone turns to stare at Tim for a moment. Suddenly, Tim is being held over Nixx’s head. Nixx: BURN! BURN TO THE GROUND! BURN! BURN TO THE GROUND! BURN! Bolte: NO! NIXX, IF YOU CAN’T MURDER HIM! THIS IS A SUPER NINTENDO GAME!!! Tim: OH MY GAWD!!! Nixx: Fine… then an alternative is in order… Tim is dubbed a traitor to the Party and is forced to commit seppuku with a spoon. He receives 500 Damage. This early in the game, he’s pretty much auto-KO’d. Hope you didn’t have him in your party… Tim: OW!!! Nixx: First time I've seen someone say "OW!" after disemboweling themselves… Bolte: And a good time was had by all. Due to the commotion, a bunch of guards rush to the roof. Guard 1: Hey! What’s going on here?! Guy: Crud. We dicked around too much. Guard 2: GET THEM!!! You enter a battle which is – technically – not a boss fight, but fairly difficult. This is made even more so if you’re a Naruto fanboi and made the foolish mistake of putting Tim in your party without checking his stats first. Also the fact that he’s dead right now probably doesn’t help. Once you clear out the guards, you can enter into a very awkwardly placed door that more or less validates Bolte’s earlier comments concerning the structure’s shape. You then travel down the tower, floor-by-floor in what is, thus far, the longest dungeon. With the length of the area and the difficulty of the enemies, you should really be level 20 before trying this. There are random items scattered here and there, but nothing you can’t live without. You’ll know you’re about ¼ of the way down when you get the chance to shove some random workers into a vat of molten metal… however, taking the game up on the offer will give you a paradoxically explicit message informing you that you can’t kill people in a SNES game and you’ll get attacked by the workers, who are just more generic guards. You’ll find a save state area around floor 51, because on floor 50, you get to fight a boss. -Boss Fight!- AI Mecha LP: 4500 This thing is the midboss but it puts up a damn good fight. It has the attack “LASERS GO PEW-PEW” which will tear to shreds anyone in the back row, but thankfully misses people in the front. Definitely use some of Starr’s defense up buffs and Guy’s Heart of Pudding powers if you want to make it through this alive. It also has the auto-kill move “Chaingun Sweetiepie” where it busts out a karaoke number, then picks up one of your party members and empties a minigun or two into their hides. This is not only unblockable, it’s also embarrassing. Afterwards, you get a cutscene. Guy: *pant, pant* Damn! Did they HAVE to put that many out-of-genre weapons on this guy?! Mecha: Hey! I’ll have you know that I’m VERY in-genre! Guy: No you’re not. You’re bringing guns to a swordfight. This is hardly fair. Starr: Don’t worry! I have a secret weapon! Guess what I brought to take you down?! Mecha: What? Starr: I said “guess”. Mecha: Umm… a… particle collider? Starr: Can you MAKE a portable version of those? No, get real. Mecha: Hmm… lasers? Starr: Nope. Mecha: How about… electromagnetic pulse? Starr: Nope! Guy: (Sweatdrop) Mecha: Well, what then? Starr: Nothing! Guy: … what? Mecha: What? Starr: Nothing! I have nothing to beat you with! Mecha: … is this some kind of elaborate trick? Guy: Dear God, I hope so… Starr points to the floor below the mech. Starr: Your guns are putting an awful lot of strain on a floor intended for humans… Mecha: … Oh… poopy. Starr: So… all I had to do was stall for a few seconds and… The entire floor gives way. Starr: Whoops! I forgot about that part! Nixx: Way to go, genius! Your team then falls after the mech through the now-defunct floor. You then see a pretty badass scene of the mech plummeting, followed by Guy, who is holding onto Starr, who is holding onto Roth, who is holding onto Bolte, who is holding onto Nixx, who is deliberately kicking Tim away from grabbing hold of them. Eventually, they crash-land on the floor below into what, I think, is the coolest part of the level. The mecha blows a large divide between the floors, and your team is thrown apart – with the team you were currently using on one side, and the other three members on the other side, forming two teams. The characters stand up, meet as close as they can, across the divide and speak. Guy: Damn it! Is everyone okay?! Nixx: All present and accounted for! Bolte: I’m okay… Roth: As am I! Starr: I think I landed on something soft… Tim: That’d be me. *Cough*. Guy: We’re scattered?! That damn mech caused more problems than even it could’ve hoped to… okay, listen, if we work together we can find a way to get back together and get to the bottom of this place! Until then we have to communicate. Since we’ll still be in the same room, if one team comes up at a dead end, just give a shout using the Y button and the other team will go on the move. Nixx: Roger! What’s the Y button? Guy: It’s the bottom-left button on the right side. It’s green. And don’t call me Roger. At this point, you can just tap the Y button to switch between the teams any time, but you can’t go to the next floor until both teams arrive at the stairs. Yes, there are random encounters, but they’re infrequent here, since most of these floors are puzzle and teamwork oriented. Just stay with it right up until Floor 1, where the mech’s remains are scattered about and meet the two teams there. You’ll then be prompted to pick your lead team again. Nixx: I think we’re at ground level. Tim: Hey! I didn’t notice before but there are windows here! Ha-ha-ha! I guess we could’ve just broken one and… climbed… in… uhh… I… uhh… about that… I… umm… Tim is mauled by the rest of the party and is automatically KO’d at this point, regardless of health or defense. Nixx: Well, now that THAT’S taken care of… let’s see where the temple is… underground, maybe? Bolte: I smell it… we’re not too far away. Nixx: (Freaky~) Guy: Let’s find a way down, shall we? You’ll then find a front door which you can go through to get out to the save state area. Save now and then go back in. Climb on top of the mech’s ‘corpse’. The mech then plows through one last floor, opening up the basement area and breaking into non-existence. At this point, the ladder that leads back to the ground floor is visible and you can take that route to leave if you must. From there, you can easily go on, but the random encounter rate goes insane here from “Meh” to “ZOMG PSYCHOPATH MURDER KILL”. Just do your best. There are only nine floors to the basement, but there’s THREE BOSSES, on floors 3, 6 and 9. Between them isn’t much to mention, except after the next boss, which I’ll detail shortly. -Boss Fight!- Burning Bunny LP: 4000 Yes, this fight is actually easier than the AI Mecha. Made even more so as it’s a flame-affinity and since Guy is also a flame-type, takes fairly reduced damage from its hits. It has no spectacular abilities beyond Fire 2 spamming. Beat it down the hard way, if you’d like. If you’re at level 23 by now, Starr will learn a level 1 Fire-resist spell, making it all the easier. After you beat the Burning Bunny, the bright lighting in the room will dim, revealing a small, purple crystal in the corner. Check it out and you’ll get the message: “You hear the voice of the Ancient Puddings within the crystal” And you’ll get the Blueberry Flavor form, which boosts normal and magic defense, which will help a lot soon enough. -Boss Fight!- Element Revolver LP: 4500 Okay, this one’s a bit more formidable. It’s a large robotic-like figure with a revolver’s bullet chamber in its chest which, every so often, does a technique called “Element Roulette”, and will spin like a game show wheel and randomly land on one (shown on its chest). Basically, you’ll want to spam the attacks by the character with the elemental superiority. Just look at the cast list and bare in mind the simple color code. White = Light, Black = Shadow, Red = Fire, Blue = Water, Purple = Wind, Yellow = Earth. You happen to be in luck that you have the opposite of all of these now with the addition of Tim, so let him have it. Just bare in mind that it can spam all-hitting elemental blasts, so try to hide the character who is weak to its current element, particularly if it goes Light-type. One more! Don’t worry, you can run back and heal if you must, and you SHOULD. As you approach the next boss, fireballs will rain on you the entire way – making this a real nightmare. When you GET there, you engage it in battle. There is no time to rest here. -Boss Fight!- Flame Elemental LP: 4800 Basically, it’s a massive, fiery golem. Nothing too fancy, sure, but it’s a nightmare to fight. It shifts between a fiery goat and a fiery tree, which also changes it between physical attacks and magical attacks, which also alters its defensive preferences. Be careful and use Starr’s fire resist spell to your edge. There’s not much I can tell you apart from HEAL OFTEN because it will do a LOT of damage. Good luck! Nixx: Y’know, I think more RPGs need more goats. I mean, seriously, what other RPG has goats? Guy: EarthBound? Roth: Umm~ right. At least the fireballs aren’t raining on our heads anymore… Guy: The Fire Talisman should be around here somewhere… They look around briefly until a humanoid shape of fire forms into a woman’s form. Woman: Hmph! That’s MUCH better. Thanks fer the hand. That guy was getting’ too big fer his britches! Nixx: Uhh… 1) Who are you? B) What are you? Delta) WTF? Woman: I’m a Fire Elemental. Name’s Efrita. Nixx: … Efrita: … *Cough* So thanks fer saving me… but why are joo all down here? Guy: We’re trying to get the Fire Talisman so that Uncle can’t open the gate to the Upper Realm! Efrita: Huh… ‘zat so? Well… I suppose joo guys are a better choice than him. So, yeah. Here. Catch. Efrita tosses the Talisman to Nixx, who then fumbles it. Nixx: IT BURNS LIKE THE SUN!!! Guy grabs it. Guy: Yeah, it is a little… uncomfortably warm. Efrita: M’ah bad. But now, I’m-a get some revenge on the creeps who locked me down here! I’M GETTIN’ FIRED UP!!! Nixx: (Sweatdrop) Uhh… wait, do you really wanna do that while we’re down— The screen flashes bright white before showing the town from the map view. The heroes are blasted out the tower in a rather suggestive manner before crashing down outside the town. Nixx: --… here? Starr: That was unpleasant. Roth: No kidding. Tim: Get… off… me… guys… You’re then free to head south, as the block has left already and you can enter into Starr’s hometown. Go on in and you’ll find it to be quite in stark contrast with Indus Facto, as it’s bright, happy and completely in peace with nature. You know… lame. However, the shops here do offer an upgrade for pretty much everyone. The guys can get the BRNZ set of armors, and the girls can get the RBBT skirts which paradoxically cover less skin yet have higher defense values. You can also get the FIRE-themed weapons such as the cleverly-named “FIRE Sword”, “FIRE Spoons”, “FIRE Yo-yo”, “FLMBL Sign”, “FIRE Bomb” and “BRNT Bread”. You’ll also note that, like Starr, the residents have the rabbit ears. I wasn’t joking when I called her a bunny girl, see? Those that you can see their lower backs (AKA: The women) you’ll also notice cottontails, so… yeah. When you reach the town square, the team fans out to talk. Nixx: Oh my God! I’m surrounded by furries! Starr: That hurts. We are not furries. Nixx: … Sure you’re not. Starr: Just because we have sex drives like rabbits DOESN’T make us furries. Guy: Whoa, seriously?! Starr: Yes but… why are you pumping your fists into the air like that? Guy: I’m… stretching. Yeah… Starr: But we’re very sensitive about our animalistic parts. It’s no laughing matter! Besides, there are lots of tribes around the world that have animalistic parts or tendencies. Nixx: Doesn’t mean I have to like it. EVERYONE SHOULD BE LIKE ME, DAMN IT! Guy: Ja vul, mein freund. Nixx: What? Guy: … Never mind. You’re then free to move around the town some more and talk to people to get their varying reactions to your visiting their humble town. A couple people mention their concern with the nearby Chocolate Mine… because apparently chocolate is found in mines in this game, I don’t know… and how the mines have been taken over by some previously unknown force. But when you enter the elder’s house, chapter 4 comes to a close. The best has yet to come! Expect a lot! |
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Come visit me and my thought processes at my website: http://www.publishedauthors.net/tdotdw/news.html "In the cold light, justice and morality always look corny and you can't wave the flag and look cool. But like it or not, society needs its heroes." - John Hart; actor who played The Lone Ranger. | |
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| Dietaku | Nov 30 2008, 04:24 PM Post #6 |
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Grade A /B/tard
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--Chapter 5: A Girl’s Best Friend— With the Chocolate Mines right ahead of you, head there. Inside you realize that whoever named them were pretty literal minded, as, yes, they are made out of chocolate. Go ahead for a spell to receive an amusing little FMV. Guy: What the hell is WITH this place? Its like they’re Nixx: MADE OUT OF CHOCLATE!!!! (Starts chowing down) Starr: (Chewing on a piece) you know, women don’t like men with no restraint… Bolte: (Her face is smeared all over with it) I know, right? Tim: (His face turns into a mass of pimples) Hey! I didn’t eat any! Roth: If anyone asks, I’m with that OTHER adventuring party. With that, you can make your way through the Mines; you’ll come across the various elevators that allow you to go up or down. The rule of thumb I found is that to go on, you should go left, while to get the treasure, take the right when you reach a fork in the path. It shouldn’t be too hard, as the enemies are about average (The Chocolate Bunny should get killed as soon as you see them, as they drop Immrtl Drops, which can heal those who’ve died up to half life, and they run on their second turn.) The other monsters, Chocolate Bat, and Chocolate Ant, aren’t as nice in dropping items, but they are nothing to write home about. After the fifth fork in the path, go to the left path first, as it will lead up to a boss… Mecha Squire: Sir! Seismic activity suggests that there are intruders within this shell! General: Humph. We can’t allow them to breach into the Palace. Find them and stop them here! Guy: That guy looks familiar… Nixx; Hey! That’s the guy who kicked our ass in Chapter 1! Guy: Whoa, watch the fourth wall, Nixx… General: Heh, looks like we don’t have to search for them, as they’re right here. Chougokin Knights assemble! It is time for Chougokin General Roybob to do battle! --Boss Fight!-- Chougokin General Roybob Chougokin Knights x4 Roybob LP: 5000 Knights: 1500 each As Nixx points out in the intro, this is indeed the same Roybob who kicked your party to the curb in Chapter 1. Indeed, if one looks at his stats, they haven’t changed since then. Your first order of business is to kill off the knights, as they will spam the “Final Roybob Special” which will deal about four hundred damage a pop. However, the really annoying bit of that attack is the knights shrilly singing Roybob’s praises as they become limbs or shielding for Roybob in the attack. Once you do this, lay on the hate, which is a lot easier than it was thanks to Guy’s Pudding Mode and Nixx’s Feint which can remove his defense buffs. After a while, he’ll summon some more knights, so rinse lather, and repeat. He’s tough, however, so don’t be surprised if you lose a person or two in the process. Knights: Sir Roybob! Roybob: Impossible! How could I have failed? Lord Uncle!!! (Explodes) Guy: Jerk. Starr: Shouldn’t you be concerned, Bolte? Bolte: Nah, I never liked him much… Starr: I meant about him exploding like that. --Pleasure Mines— Once Roybob dies, a gate drops from above where he had died. Enter to go into the next “shell,” the Pleasure Mines. This place is a pink nightmare, full of fuzzy, stuffed animals and lingerie wearing monsters. Nixx: This place….Its calling out to me… (Runs off) (Nixx leaves the party for some reason or another) Guy: What the hell’s gotten into him? Bolte: This place reeks of ancient magic... (Gasps) So, that’s what he meant by shells! Guy! We need to get Nixx back right now! Starr: Why, what’s wrong? Bolte: This place! It’s a Lost Master’s Palace! These mines we’re standing in are just aspects of the palace designed to accommodate the Master’s comfort. If we don’t find him, then some Upper Realms beast might get him! Guy: I really don’t… Tim: If Nixx gets some before me, I’ll kill him! Guy:-_- Once again, this portion of the mine is not particularly hard, as it contains an inn (Look for the underwear model behind a desk.) So, I like to grind to around level 27 for everyone around here. This shouldn’t be too hard, as the monsters here, especially the Sex Kitten and Hustle Rabbit, both give large amounts of EXP. Unlike the Chocolate mines, the path here is relatively straightforward, and will bring you to Nixx, who is battling a Monster by himself. Nixx: BOOBS! LEMME TOUCH! Monster, a large breasted woman with animal ears and three different tails: Eww! No! Sirene doesn’t like disgusting men like you touching her luscious body! Nixx: Come on, babe! Guy: So, this is what you’re doing? Geez and we were actually worried about you! Nixx: Huh? I was never in any trouble? Why would you think that? Starr: That thing is an Upper Realms beast, Nixx! (Sirene then morphs into a scaly version of herself with claws and fur in odd places) Sirene: Feh! You all interrupted my meal! I’ll take him anyways! (Lashes out with a light whip, which wraps around Nixx’s neck) Nixx: ACK!! Bolte: Nixx! Nixx: (Grabs out, out to get out of Sirene’s clutches, only to grab Bolte’s breasts) this!!! Guy: What is this? (Filled with the power of vindication, Nixx gains the power Superfantasitco!) Nixx: It’s a miracle! I finally got a willing feel! Guy: It’s impossible! He actually did Bolte: I feel dirty now that you say it like that… Nixx: It’s Superfantastico! Sirene: Quit ripping off Eurobeat songs, you dead meat! --Boss Fight!-- Sirene the Beast LP: 2500 Okay, so you only get Nixx for this battle, but he’s more than enough here, thanks to Superfantastico. This ability allows you to deal damage based on Nixx’s speed and Attack stats, based on the results of you being able to keep up with the keys highlighted during the input screen, akin to casting magic. The better you do, the more damage you deal. This single ability makes Nixx worth having as it can kill single enemies easily (Plus, his rave finale when he does over 2500 damage is always amusing to watch). Sirene is not much to talk about, either. Just be wary of her Dominance and Submission move, as it will hit anyone in the front row, so switch rows when she starts cackling. Other than that, its standard fare. Bolte: Unbelievable! He did it! Nixx: It’s incredible! When she looks at me! Superfantastico! Guy: If you don’t stop it right now, I’ll have you be Tim’s buddy for the rest of the game… Nixx: Shutting up… (Nixx joined the party, citing nothing else to do) Once Sirene is killed, go off to the right of where you are standing to find another gate, along with the remains of the mecha knights which had been posted to guard the gate. Entering the gate, you find yourself in yet another shell, this one made of gold and jewels. Welcome to the Mines of Wealth --Mines of Wealth— Roth: (whistles) this is good stuff, almost as good as the ore that we could get in my old mine. Tim: All this gold reminds me of my Master. When he used his shikankyaku chakra, he could gain the power of Ubermensche Man. Guy: Let’s kill him before he gets us mobbed. Nixx: YES Starr: (Shakes her head, scowling) Nixx: Awww….. This is the most winding of all the shells, as the entire place is a maze. However, it’s useless to try and find your way out, as the entire thing is random. Instead, go right twice, up twice, and left three times. Once you do this, you find the stairs to the second level. This shouldn’t be too hard, as the monsters’ (Tender Falcon, Profit Hound, Gold Golem, and Patent Pender) strength in this area is based off your money level. Even if you cheesed out at the inn, the amounts you’ll be pulling in here will ensure that you will be facing the weakest possible versions of all these creatures. After getting to the staircase, you’ll be treated to another FMV (The party goes down the stairs, only to find a procession of monsters all dancing in line across the entire level) Monsters: (Singing) that was the day when I first saw the light I know that I should have put up a fight… Guy: Whoa, that’s a lot of monsters Starr: And they’re all perfectly choreographed, too Bolte: Pshe! We can do better! Guy: We can? Bolte: Sure! Come on! This brings up another button prompt game, where your party does a dance sequence with Botle guiding. However, unlike Superfantastico or casting magic, if you miss ONE button, you fail, forcing you to take the alternative ending for this level. (If you fail) Monsters: Ahahahahaha! Bolte: You idiots! I want you to kill fifty two of those bastards to let them know we mean business! Guy: Whoa, harsh… And thus, you have to kill fifty two of the Jeweled Djinn that were dancing. If you try to leave the level or face the boss before doing so, Bolte swoops in and kicks your lead character in the head. If she is your lead character, then she won’t move, citing a need “to kick your ass.” You then can face the boss (If you pass) Bolte: Good job. See, I told you we could do it! Tim: I was shaking the entire time! Roth: Real men take ballet to hone their grace! Tim: Feh! Ballet is for Gaijin! Roth: Pot, kettle. Black, you. You can then face the boss…. Guy: In any case, we should be able to move on now (They see three monstrous, bedecked Djinn dancing on a stage) Djinn: (In unison) I saw the Arabian star, brightest of them all I wish that we could do it all again! Nixx: No, not this time Bolte: Aw, fish sticks! (The party all looks at her funny) --Boss Fight!-- Bejeweled Baal Zebuls x3 Baal Zebul LP: 3500 This fight is tough, but not impossible. These guys like to spam their unique attack, “Arabian Star.” This hits the party randomly three to eight times for massive Light damage. As such, have Starr keep spamming Dark Shield, and keep Bolte spamming Gran Microwave when she’s not healing. Nixx should be using his Superfantastico, and Roth should not be in this fight, as the Baal Zebuls are Earth elemented. When not casting Arabian Star, these guys can hit hard with regular attacks, and can spam “Qualer” However; they focus on using Arabian Star as often as possible, and thus should be your main concern. I suggest focusing on one, and take them down one at a time. Once you beat them, you get another FMV. Baal Zebuls: (In unison) I can see the Stars! They call out to us! Il el el el el bitti akill! (They explode, opening a way into the Palace proper) Bolte: I know that stench! Uncle is in there…With others. Come on! --Palace of the Upper Realms-- This place is…odd. And that’s a kind description. The landscape is not 3D, and doesn’t even pretend to be, going off in random corners, going to other parts in a non-Euclidian fashion. The monsters here also share this oddness, as they have increased in power Of especial note are the Ether Munchkins, the Blazing Angels, and Eye Wheels, who all give this place a certain look that would be right at home in H.P. Lovecraft or in the Old Testament. The best help I can be in this part of the game is to direct you north, and west, to an open area you can identify by its unopened chest. Once you reach it, open it to find a boss creature. Guy: Chests are always a good thing. (A blazing monster bursts out of the chest) Guy: Oh, poopy…. --Boss Fight!-- Gleam Cherub LP: 4600 This guy is not hard, by stretch of the imagination, especially not after the nonsense of the Bejeweled Baal Zebuls. All he does is launch Fire 2 and attack, casting Ice Resist occasionally. Blow him away any way you feel necessary. Starr: Now, you see why you need to exercise caution about these things…. Guy: Yes, ma’am… Now, a stairway will materialize in front of you. Since this is the only to go, go up it, to meet an old friend. Uncle: Bolte! It’s been too long! Bolte; Silence, Uncle! I won’t have any more of your tricks! Let us end this now! Uncle: indeed, we shall. But before I do, let me introduce my comrades, Baron Munchausen of the Jade Palace Guard, and Ser Montrecalli of the Ezpereza Religion. And with all of us here, all the Talismans are now in place! Ancient Gods beyond time! Unlock the hidden Gates and Reveal the true Mistress of Time and Space: Holstein! I summon you! (The ground shakes, and several shots of the shells collapsing as the palace rises out of the ground, up, up, up, into the sky.) Guy: But, how? You don’t possess all of the Talismans! Uncle: Indeed, but you were kind enough to bring your, and all I need is for them to be in the area, and with the talismans brought by Ser Montracalli and Baron Munchausen, we possess all the needed Talismans here! Guy: Shit, sonnuvabitch! Uncle: So, I’d love to talk, but my associates and I need to awaken Holstein. Thanks to your ancestors, she’s been asleep for over five millennia now, and rest assured, she won’t be happy! Tata! (The summoning circle rises up to the Palace, leaving the party behind in the remains of the shells.) Bolte: Okay, guys…This is it. If we win this, it could be the end Guy: YESYESYES!!! Bolte: It looks like the levitation magic of the Palace is especially strong at this point. We could harness it to reach the Palace itself. However, we only get one shot. Go when you’re ready…. Once Bolte’s done talking, a Save state area pops up, and you then can choose to go up or fiddle-fart around. Once you’re ready, enter the glowing circle to go up to the Palace. Now, if the Palace as you saw it before was wacky, check out THIS place. It will seriously hurt your eye with its inability to stay in put. The monsters are the same, but possess much higher stats, being “nightmare” versions of themselves. Once again, this place is nonlinear, so the best advice I can give is to go west and then north to reach ANOTHER unopened chest. Inside is the Ares Mantle, the strongest armor ofAQ2. Equip it to Nixx or Tim, as they possess the lowest natural defense, and move on. Head North, and then east respectively for a total of five screens to reach another open area. Here is a unique sprite, waiting for the heroes… Guy: A Unique sprite…And you look too cool to be a playable character. Are you a boss? Phantom: THAT IS CORRECT. Guy: Okay, let’s go, then. PHANTOM: FOOL! TRUE HEROES DO NOT RUSH INTO BATTLE BLINDLY! THE YUUSHA SPARK WILL TEACH YOU THE FOLLY OF YOUR WEAK MIND! --Boss Fight!-- Yuusha Spark LP: 6500 I. HATE. THIS. GUY. I hate him as I type this. Why, you ask, do you, being a game IAQ writer, hate this boss? Simple, he possesses Pudding Mode, akin to Guy’s ability. He always uses Creamsicle form, which makes him Water elemented, but he is actually weak to fire attacks, for the reason that Creamsicle mode grants him immunity to Earth techniques. As such, have Bolte spam Gran Microwave and Guy use his Blueberry Form to good effect. Just wail on him as hard and as often as you can, and he SHOULD go down…. Yuusha Spark: YOU ARE INDEED STRONG, YOUNG PUDDING WARRIOR, BUT HEED MY WARNING….I TOO WAS ONCE TRYING TO SAVE THE WORLD FROM THE VILLAINY OF HOLSTEIN…..BUT THOSE WHO FIGHT HER ARE MOST OFTEN CAUGHT IN HER WEB…. Nixx: Could it be…. Bolte: Hm? Nixx: Yeah! It’s Hiro from AQ1! Can I get your autograph!? Bolte: Hey, you’re right! Cool! Yuusha Spark: IT IS GOOD TO SEE FANS OF THE FRANCHISE. HOWEVER, MY TIME IS SHORT. YOUNG PUDDING WARRIOR, TAKE MY STRENGTH. (Guy receives the “Creamsicle” Pudding) Guy: Thanks, old man, but I’m no hero or anything…. Yuusha Spark: AH, MODESTY BECOMES YOU, YOUNG ONE…. Guy: No, you don’t get it, I’m really not… Yuusha: WELL, OKAY, HAVE FUN UNDER HOLSTEIN, THEN…. Guy: Gawd, fine! Yuusha: HA! LATER! (Disappears) After that odd reference, continue to the east, north, and then, ultimately, south for six screens. Yes, we just went in a big circle. However, in doing so, you get to finally settle things with Uncle. Bolte: Uncle! Its time to settle things…. Uncle: You, again! Even after all the trouble we went through to summon the dead spirit of Hiro T. Protagonist! No matter! Baron Munchausen, Ser Montrcalli! Finish them off! (The Baron and Montrecalli smile at each other, and toss Uncle out of the circle) Uncle: What is the meaning of this? Baron Munchausen: You did little to assist, us, Uncle. Thus, you should finish them off! Uncle: DAMMIT ALL! I am not you uncle! I am only HER uncle (points to Bolte) It’s only because of that bitch’s ranting that gave me this name! My real name is Sebastian! Can anyone actually REMEMBER that? Nixx: I like uncle, better, if that’s your name… Sebas—Uncle: URGH! Have at you! --Boss Fight— Sebastian the Uncle LP: 10000 Sebastian the Uncle. Ah, we finally get to do him in. Not that he lets us easily, but it’s always fun to put things into perspective. He doesn’t hit as hard as Yuusha Spark does, but he can hit your entire party with most of his attacks. He possesses all Level 3 Offensive magics and can hit just as hard as Guy can at this point. Do all your heaviest attacks you can, not including Gran Microwave, Creamsicle Pudding, Superfantastico, et al. Once you beat him, you get a final FMV for the first half…. Sebas—uncle: Urgh….Bolte…You actually did it. You killed me. I always knew you would one day. I was just trying to bring our nation out of the shadow of our past. But you persisted. Not only that, but you drove me into this position with your constant arrogance and bratty behavior. Bolte: Excuse me, Uncle! It’s not like you helped much! Uncle: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! GAWD, BITCH! LET ME DIE IN PEACE! (Dies) Baron Munchausen: Haha, looks like he failed. No matter. At least, Holstein’s power will be ours and our alone! Ser Montrecalli: Indeed! Come to us, Holstein! (The gates in front of them open, and a fair, blonde woman with dazzling beauty steps through) Holstein: Foolish Mortals! I, Holstein, have returned! What do you wish of me, the Mistress of Creation? Montrecalli: Power! Munchausen: Experience! Holstein You shall have it! Guy: No! (Charges at Holstein) Holstein Foolish Pudding Warrior, your kind still exists in this age? No matter! I shall banish you all to the four corners of the Earth! (The screen goes white, and the party is shot away) Starr: Guy! Guy: NOOOOOOO! Nixx: UWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!! Bolte: DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMIT! Roth: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOA!!! Tim: BANZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAI!!!! Narrator: And so, Guy and his party of heroes were banished, to the four corners of the Earth. Now, who will you choose to play as in order to reunite your allies, and defeat Holstein? Guy, the young Pudding Warrior? Bolte, the headstrong Magician Princess? Or Roth, the estranged Miner? You now choose, and is entirely up to you. Or you can save at the glowing save state and THEN choose. It’s up to you. Anyways, make your choice, and move on to Chapter 6. Congrats! You’re halfway done! |
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| Jeff | Dec 9 2008, 08:20 PM Post #7 |
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Destroyer of Worlds
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-Chapter 6- Mother and Child Reunion! Only not! Kinda! You’re then prompted to pick the hero you wish to proceed as. For brief reference’s sake: Roth – Easiest Guy – Medium Bolte – Hardest In light of this, we’re going easiest-hardest for good reason. What are those reasons? Shut up and read on and you’ll find out! Duh. So, select Roth to begin his path. Narrator: The wake of the blast sent the team scattering to the ends of the Earth… what dire fate has befallen Roth, the miner? Roth: More like Roth the Digger! MY SIGN SHALL PIERCE THE HEAVENS! You then take control of Roth, who is at the top of a very large mountain. Roth: What the? How’d I end up… oh! The continent! A scene pans up and shows the floating islands overhead. Roth: I gotta find the others and get back up there! MY MANLY SPIRIT COMPELS IT!!! Roth is then playable, as you work your way down Mt Reallytall. The enemies are simple, right up until the midway where you’ll find a large cave. Go inside to trigger a scene. Some random monsters are abducting Tim. Roth: Tim! Tim: AaAaAaAaAuGh! ROTH! HELP!!! THEY’RE GOING TO DO SOMETHING THAT’S PROBABLY BAD TO ME! Roth: Err… how can you tell that? Tim: THEY’RE ABDUCTING ME!!! Roth: … I suppose that makes sense, but they’re just kind of dancing around you. Tim: DON’T YOU KNOW AN ABDUCTION WHEN YOU SEE ONE?! Roth: I’m… not used to seeing these sorts of things, no. The monsters run off with Tim. Tim: OH MY GOD! Roth: Holy cow! I didn’t even see this one coming! So, you then get to rush into the cave system. This rather unusual cave is the Cave of Trippy Mushrooms so, as a result of the obvious, stepping on the mushrooms makes Roth hallucinate. The red ones cause him to hallucinate really tough enemies (which are made doubly tough as you only have ONE character), the green ones cause him to hallucinate he’s healed (which, paradoxically HEALS him) and the blue ones make him run in circles pretending to be Jay-Jay the Jet Plane. You have to deal with this for a while – because some of these patches are unavoidable. Enemies you may find here are the Midget Minutemen, Axe-Wielding Sociopaths and New Age Retro Neo Hippies. After a while, you finally reach the monsters’ base, triggering an FMV. Tim: Roth! You’re here! … What the hell took you?! Roth: Sorry. Got a little ‘tripped up’, as it were… Tim: Well, save me! Roth: … Actually it doesn’t look like you’re in NEED of saving. The monsters are just short guys with yellow masks on. And it looks like you’re making… what the hell is that, anyways? Tim: Grilled tofu dipped in miso on a stick. Roth: Right. Now that we made a reference no one in their right minds would get… can we just go?! Tim: Yeah. I suppose… You then get engaged by six Midget Minutemen as Tim automatically joins up with Roth in this next fight, making it even MORE obscenely easy as the punks need all of two hits a pop to finish them off if you under-achieved through this section (I was closer to level 35). Once you kill them all, you get 12 “Dengaku” items which are pretty much on-par with your Uber Potions, which is nice. Then, another cut scene. Tim: Whew! That was close! Roth: Umm… not really? Tim: Oh! And I found this! Tim hands Roth a shiny object. You get the Pirate job class! Roth: This… Tim: Now with THIS I can train to get the Ninja job class! Roth: … Kid, you realize pirate is the OPPOSITE of ninja… Tim: Wh-what?! But… all this time… I thought… NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Roth: Let’s just… scram, okay? You’ll be taken to the cave entrance and from there you can work your way down the mountain again. It’s not too much longer, and the encounters haven’t changed from before you entered the cave, making this part insultingly easy. Once you reach the bottom, they talk briefly. Tim: We made it to the bottom! Whooo! Roth: Thank goodness. Tim: YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! AWESOME!!! Roth: Look… I’ll be your friend if you just STOP TALKING. Tim: Seriously? Roth: Mm-hmm. Tim: YAY! I’M GONNA HAVE A FRIEND!!! YAAAAY!!! Roth: *Sigh* You’re then taken back to the character-select prompt screen. Go ahead and select Guy next. Narrator: The de-facto leader of the team has been sent spiraling into the unknown… where is he? Is he safe? Even… alive? The next scene we see is a legion of monsters, demons and other abominations being massacred by Guy as he dances around with his sword. Guy: Mattie told Hattie~ about a thing she saw~ had two big horns~ and a wooly jaw! Wooly Bully! Wooly Bully! A-Wooly Bully~ Wooly Bully~ Wooly Bully~… Hattie told Mattie~ let’s don’t take no chance~ let’s not be L7, come and learn to dance~ Wooly Bully~… Guy pauses to look at the mass amount of deaths he caused. Guy: Oh. Heh. You guys. My bad. I was so happy to be free of all those douchebags I wasn’t paying the slightest bit of attention to what I was doing. Guy smiles and rests his hands on his hips. Guy: I can’t believe how happy I am without those jerks! I can do whatever I want AND ignore everyone else if I feel like it… yep. I can do… anything… I want… *sigh* fuckin’ Stockholm Syndrome. I gotta make sure they’re okay! Guy takes off running and you enter the overworld map again. You then find you’re in a grotto that was previously inaccessible and just south of Starr’s hometown. Enter the town and basically EVERYONE is worrying over Starr’s well-being and how everyone felt the tremors from the floating continent taking off. After speaking to about 5-7 people Guy automatically walks to the town square. Guy: So… if I wanted to… I could go home. I could forget this ever happened… throw these talismans in the trash… I… don’t have to be anybody’s hero… An old man walks up to Guy. Man: Excuse me. Guy: Huh? Hey! You’re not from this town… Man: Heh. No. Why the long face? Guy: I don’t think I can make the IAQ funny anymore. Man: Nonsense! There’s always hope! Guy: I think I lost my reason to laugh. Man: Now that IS a shame. But I heard a rumor you might want to hear… Guy: Unless it’s about my friends I doubt it. Man: Well, ironically – err I mean, I have no idea who your friends are, but I heard that one Ms. Starr is in the valley to the east. Guy: WHAT?! Guy takes off running. Man: Heh. I remember those days… when I, too, was charming the chubby girls and spamming my pudding powers like a prick… when they weren’t costing me my entire MP reservoir… which was never… oh well. The fans still say MY part of the series was the best on plot alone. HAHAHA! EAT THAT!!! Err, I mean… don’t mind me. I’m no one special. *Cough*. The valley to the east is now accessible, and Guy will go there whether you like it or not. Lucky for you, a save state area is right at the entrance, next to an old lady who offers to let you take a rest under a tree near it to recover to 100%. Seems conspicuous? Well, it should. This is grinding gold. You can easily leave at level 40 if you put some time here. Inside is a massive hedge maze that Guy laments that, due to plot armor, he cannot cut them out of his way. The proper path is only unveiled if you find the three items: Conundrum, riddle, and enigma. Guy then combines all three to make a straight jacket which, when equipped, allows him to move to the next area. When you arrive, you find Starr, collapsed under a tree. Guy: STARR!!! Guy runs up to her. Guy: Starr! Starr! Wake up! You can’t die! Nintendo would’ve censored it! And… I… I… love… y… o… ur hair style! It’s incredible! Who does it? (Damn it, now she thinks I’m gay.) Starr: G… u… y… Guy: Starr! Starr: YOU GOT HERE SLOW AND NOW I AM ZOMBIE GOAST! YOU WILL PAY! Guy: Wait… what? Guy leaps back. Guy: You’re not Starr! You’re a poorly-written fanfiction demon! “Starr” turns into a red, floating apparition. Guy: I’ll beat your ass for imitating her! Goast: It is a good day to do what has to be done by me and help my brother to defeat the enemys! Guy: BRING IT!!! -Boss Fight!- Poorly-Written Fanfic Demon (Red) LP: 5000 This fight is obscenely easy for Guy, even solo. If you use his pudding forms – any of them – it’s essentially overkill. The PWFD’s only attacks of note are “Wepon” and “HAPPY SOUL!” but neither does much to Guy just due to the boss’ attack also being fire-element. Just keep attacking and you’ll win in no time. For winning, you receive the red crystal. You’re then free to resume wandering in the maze. If you find a large, golden gate, you’ve gone too far too soon. You need to fight the other two bosses. They’re both fairly close, but I go to fight the green one next. When you find it, it’ll also be imitating Starr. Guy: Right. Like I’m stupid enough to fall for this twice. “Starr”: … I… AM… BEAUTIFUL! The fake explodes into a green ZOMBIE GOAST. -Boss Fight!- Out-dated Inside Reference Demon (Green) LP: 5000 This fight isn’t too different from the red one, except for its tendency to poison you constantly, then forgetting it poisoned you and continually trying to poison you to no avail. Just for added resistance to the poison barrage, I recommend Blueberry Form, but if you have lots of antidotes, do what you think is best. Attacks to note would be “Eastbound and Beatdown” and “Real Cacophony”. Again, nothing worth writing home about. Win to receive the green crystal. Going north from the gate will lead you to another Starr-copy. Guy: It’s not funny anymore you douchebags! STOP IT!!! “Starr”: ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US! -Boss Fight!- Antiquated Internet Meme Demon (Blue) LP: 5000 This is probably the only dangerous one, due to actually being able to spam higher-tier water and ice techniques. Use Creamsicle form if you refused to acknowledge the multiple chances to grind like a demon or Chocolate if you actually did. Attacks of note are “/B/-Barrage” and “It’s Peanut-Butter-Jelly Time!”. Win to get the last crystal, which is predictably orange. HAH! Eat that consistency! Which ever one you beat last will vanish and be replaced by a large crystal. Check it to receive this message: You hear the voice of the Pudding Clan sealed inside the crystal. You get the Chocolate-Vanilla (C-V) Swirl Form! The C-V Swirl Form basically antiquates the starting 3 forms by adding all their aspects into a single form. The downside is that this form gets no new techniques unlike the others. Not that it matters, though, as Creamsicle is basically a gamebreaker until chapter 8 or so… With the three crystals in hand, you can access the gate. When you go through, you enter into a graveyard area where you can meet skeletal images of several of the bosses you beat earlier in the game. Guy: Wait, didn’t we have a dungeon with an Undead/Dark motif back in like chapter 3? You can speak to some of the skeletons there, but surprisingly, none will attack you. Mostly they just RAGE about their humiliating defeat by you. Some of them even give you the exact statistics with which you beat them with (how many turns, what the finishing blow was, etc) in a strangely dark and humorous way. At the end of the stretch, you see a massive tree, with Starr tied to it. Starr: Uuuunh… Guy~… help me… Guy: Starr! … She’s unconscious, but even still… calling out for me… Now I have to say and/or DO something dramatic! A kiss to awaken the sleeping maiden, eh? A classic move if ever there was one. Guy rushes forward preemptively, which is met with a lightning bolt to the face which hurls him back as a tall and imposing figure rises from the ground. Zombie: LISE FLOM YOUL GLAAAAVES! Guy: Did I just get laid? … No, scratch that. I don’t want to know. Guy stands up. Guy: What?! U… Uncle?! Uncle: Indeed. ‘Tis I! My hatred was so vast that even hell itself could not hope to contain me! Guy: … You… you seriously want me to believe you’re a zombie? Uncle: … Yes! Guy: Okay, you got to be fucking kidding me. I haven’t gone through enough shit today?! Uncle: Ha-ha-haa! Now, boy you— Guy: Wait, if you’re an Uncle Zombie, shouldn’t you be “Zombuncle”? Zombuncle: WHAT?! No! That’s stupi—HEY! Why did my nametag change?! WHAT THE HELL?! Guy: Ha-ha! Even in the afterlife you’re still a punching bag! Zombuncle: YOU ARE SO DEAD!!! -Boss Fight!- Zombuncle LP: 10000 This fight isn’t hard, but it is tedious. Creamsicle and attack him repeatedly. His only attack of note has the exceptionally low chance of confusing Guy, but since confusion doesn’t let you attack yourself while in Pudding Mode it’s closer to Berserk status. Just let Zombuncle have it and after a while, he’ll go down. Zombuncle: N-noooooooo! This is… impossible! Guy: No more impossible than the reanimation of dead tissue… Zombuncle: Shut up and let me have my Villainous Breakdown Moment in peace. Guy: Yeah. Wouldn’t wanna stand between us and mediocrity, would I? Zombuncle: Fine! If I can’t defeat you— Guy: Which I take this moment here to remind you that you can not… Zombuncle: —I’ll simply take away the one you love the most! Guy: What?! Zombuncle turns and raises his arms as a small group of zombies rises up around Starr. Guy: OH HELL NO! Guy blitzes forward, sword in hand and takes out all the zombies in one fine movement. Zombuncle: Wh-what?! How did you… do that?! Guy: THIS HAND OF MINE IS BURNING RED! Zombuncle: Oh no… Guy: IT’S LOAD ROAR TELLS ME TO KNOCK THE SHIT OUT OF YOU FOR THAT! Zombuncle begins running away, slowly as he finds himself missing a leg. Guy: BURAITO SURAPPU!!! In the next moment, Guy’s fist is where Zombuncle’s head used to be as the body turns to ash and collapses. Starr opens one eye. Starr: *Ah-ah-hem* Hello? Helpless maiden tied up and vulnerable? Anyone? Guy hurries back to the tree. Guy: Don’t worry! I’ll have you untied in just a sec! Starr: Umm… are you REALLY that dense? Guy: No. Just the sheer number of ANGST!’ing skeletons I ran by on the way here sort of killed the mood for me. Let’s just get out of here! Guy unties Starr. Starr: Well, at the very least let me give you… this. You get the Cowpoke job class. When you equip it, it will read “Cowboy” or “Cowgirl” depending on gender, though. Guy: Wow! Nice find! Starr: And… this too. Starr steps forward as you’re treated to a “Smooch” sound effect and Guy’s sprite goes bright red. Guy: I… I… I… Starr: Let’s get out of here, shall we? Guy: *Cough* Right. Guy and Starr hurry out of the graveyard, but the scene remains there before panning to the side, showing Zombuncle’s head now lodged into a small lamp. Zombuncle: HEY! This isn’t cool! I was the main antagonist for the first half of the game! Don’t I get any more respect than THIS?! Skeleton Ostrich King: Ha-ha-ha! That’s a rather “light” ending for you, old timer! Zombuncle: Oh, shut up, bird brain… At this point, you get automatically taken to Bolte’s path if you’ve done things the way I did. Narrator: The young allegedly-innocent princess now finds herself alone and stuck in a jungle environment. Who knows the perils that the forest holds? Bolte: I thought we just established that it was a jungle? Narrator: Whatever. You then start in a dead end somewhere in a jungle you haven’t been to previously. Just hurry on through and you’ll eventually find a small, tribal village. There, you’ll see Nixx tied to a large stake. Nixx: WHAT WOULD BE THE POINT OF THIS SCENE?! Amazon Lady: It gives the fan girls a chance to see you tied up. Nixx: Mmmmrph. Bolte appears on the scene. Nixx: Slut! Bolte: It’s “Bolte”, actually. Nixx: That’s what I said. Slut! Bolte: I’ll ignore that due to how kinky this scene will be in my fanfics. Nixx: God damn my snarky commentary. The Amazons take note of Bolte. Randomazon: Who is that? Nixx: That? She’s a slu—oh wait! She’s actually a powerful goddess of war! Bolte: Wait, what?! Nixx: Yeah. And she’ll strike you all down if you don’t untie me RIGHT NOW!!! Randomazon: Oh! We’ve been awaiting our war goddess for centuries! Finally! Bolte: No! Wait! I’m just the sexiest thing in this game! I’m not a goddess! … well, not a WAR goddess, anyways… Randomazon: Let’s get the queen! She’ll know what to do! Bolte: Queen? But I’m just a pri—ooooooh, YOUR queen. Sorry, I’m just kinda used to being the boss of everything I survey… Nixx: For better or for worse. Bolte: Shut up. The Amazons return with a tall, top-heavy spear-wielding lady. Queen: So… you’re our war goddess? Bolte: … Sure let’s go with that. Queen: Very well! Then our great “War Goddess Festival”™ may now commence! Bolte: What? Queen: We must honor our goddess’ arrival! Bolte: Now THIS is more like it! Queen: With the ceremonial 30-tier combat ceremony! Bolte: … wait, what? Queen: Speak with me when you’re ready to begin! Bolte: *Whimper* (I will KILL you, Nixx!) You’re then free to walk around town and buy items and whatnot. You can buy new gear for Starr and Bolte including the Amazon Bra, Amazon Bracer and the ever-popular Amazon Thong. Buy three of each of these. Why three? You’ll see very soon. You can also get Bolte the AMZN Yo-Yo and Starr the AMZN Bazooka and a non-character-listed AMZN Rod. Buy it too. You can speak to Nixx, but that’ll just make Bolte imply that Nixx’s parents were never married, before Nixx verifies that it actually is true. When set, speak to the Amazon Queen. Queen: Are you prepared, goddess? Bolte: If it makes people worship me and bring me all the hot guys? Yes. Then I am completely and utterly prepared. Queen: Very well! Bolte steps onto a wooden stage, standing across from some level 1 Munchkins. Bolte: …? Queen: You’ll be forced to battle 30 consecutive battles without rest! Bolte: (Lucky me…) Queen: If you lose, you die! Bolte: (Oh dear…) Queen: You cannot run away. No, literally. You’re standing in a super-sticky plant sap. Bolte: (Better and better…) Queen: Now! Let the battle BEGIN! -Boss Fight!- 30-Tier Battle Rush! LP: Varies You then get to go through battle after battle of enemies. They start weak (like enemies you encounter in chapter 1 weak) but quickly build up the steam so that from fight 20 on you’re fighting enemies equal to and above your level, and the last 3 consist of enemies you haven’t had the chance to meet yet. Fight hard and just bare in mind that level ups restore your stats to 100% so… yeah. Good luck. Bolte: That was INSANE! Is this done yet? Queen: Almost! Now you have ONE LAST BATTLE! Bolte: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU— Queen: GO! MY TWO ULTIMATE SOLDIERS! Bolte: --UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU— -Boss Fight!- Noone & Noname LP: 3000 each Noone is the European World of Warcraft player who likes reminding you about the latest expansion packs and her level 70 characters. Noname is an anime enthusiast who enjoys spamming her yaoi smut in front of your delicate semi-virginal eyes. Really, they’re just an annoyance. Lay on the hate with lots of healing in between and you’ll easily plow through both. Bolte: *Pant* *Pant* Am… I done yet? Queen: NOW WATCH ME DANCE! COME ON, BABY! I’LL SUCK ALL YOUR BLOOD! Bolte: *Whine* -Boss Fight!- Amazon-Esque Queen LP: Infinite This is just kind of a joke battle. The Queen does random dances and regardless of what you do, after 20 turns, she just falls flat with the message “SORRY, I’M DEAD!”. You win! Shame you get no exp for this. When the scene returns to the overworld, Nixx is standing next to you. Bolte: Someone PLEASE tell me I’m through the worst of it. Nixx: Yeah, probably… Bolte: … When did you get here? Nixx: Eh? Oh. Around battle 12 or so. I got bored and ate the ropes they tied me up with. Bolte: … Bolte uppercuts Nixx into the stratosphere! Nixx takes 500 LP damage! Nixx then crashes into the ground. Nixx: Oh, the pain. Bolte: Jerk! You could’ve HELPED! Nixx: Well… Nixx stands up and presents Bolte with a shiny object. Nixx: Here. Take this and we’ll call it even. You get “Ninja”, “Schizo” and “Comedian” job classes! Bolte: Hm~ okay. You get to live. Nixx: *Whew*… Bolte: Let’s get out of here. I’m tired of these obscure NES references! Randomazon: BEAT ME AND YOU CAN LEAVE! Bolte: RUN AWAY! Nixx: RUNNING AWAY! The two flee as the scene fades. The scene re-opens then on a big crossroad in a field as Guy and Starr stroll along. Starr: So… you say that you and Nixx had an agreement to meet at your place if you guys ever got separated? Guy: That’s what I’m saying. Starr: Sounds like a lame excuse to get me alone in your bedroom. Guy: Not what I was thinking, but whatever turns you on. Starr: It does. Guy: *HAPPY DANCE* Suddenly, from the sides, Roth, Tim, Nixx and Bolte walk on-screen. Nixx: And so we have an agreement to meet at Guy’s place if we ever got separa—oh. Hey Guy! Roth: Hey! Everyone! Tim: WOW! WHAT A CONVENIENCE! Guy: N… no… no… it can’t… Bolte: What a relief! Everyone’s okay! Starr: What luck! Bolte: C’mon! We gotta stop Holstein! Nixx: But where do we start looking? Bolte: Good question… let’s go to you guys’ hometown and ask around! Nixx: Right! The group begins walking away, dragging Guy with them, who is vainly attempting to run away. Guy: They’re coming to take me away, Ha-ha! They’re coming to take me away, Ho-ho! He-he! Ha-ha! To the funny farm! Where life is beautiful all the time, and I’d be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats and their coming to take me away HA-HAAAA!!! TO THE HAPPY HOME! With trees and flowers and chirping birds and basket weavers who sit and smile and twiddle their thumbs and toes and they’re coming to take me away! HAA-HAAAAAAAAA!!! You then are prompted to re-assemble a team of your choice before going back to Firsttown. But before we do, there’s one optional thing you should do now – you can do it from now on at your discretion but there’s no reason to wait. You can go get the last character in the game. You have to head straight west to the Lazy River. There, you meet a ghost who’ll basically tell you to go to another place, which leads to a very long game of ghost tag until you arrive back at the Desert Oasis. There, you’ll see a tall, pantsless woman reclining in a lawn chair, getting a tan. Guy: Deima, I presume? Deima: You presume right, hot stuff. Come here and rub lotion all over my thighs. Guy: I beg your pardon? Starr: KEEL HER!!! Bolte: (Calm down! Psycho!) Deima: Yeah. You remind me of an old friend. Guy: O-oh? Deima: In fact he was probably your distant ancestor – Dood. Guy: Wh-wha? Deima: I’m basically eternally young… and eternally in heat. Come here and let me smother you in cake. Guy: We need to get going and… uhh… I’m not a hero or anything, it’s just a coincidence and… Guy begins backing away. Deima: OKAY! I’ve made up my mind! Guy: Wha? Deima stands up and stretches in a very provocative way. Nixx: Whoa. Superfantasti— Guy: DON’T. START. Deima: I’m coming! Nixx: SWEET! Guy: What? Deima: I’m gonna come with you guys! And save this world! Guy: THAT’SREALLYNOTNECESSARYDON’TSTRAINYOURSELFONOURACCOUNT! Deima: Not a problem! Deima joined you without asking! Unfortunately she has no equipment when she joins, so be sure to give her the Amazon set I mentioned to get an extra of. Doing so gives you the goddess of magic as she starts with tier-3 magics, stuff that Bolte and Starr would only JUST begin learning if they were around level 40. Now, go to Firsttown. There, the group will speak for a bit. Roth: Whew… what a trip. Nixx: I sympathize. Anyone who puts up with Tim THAT LONG is a greater man than I. Tim: Yeah, I… HEY! Guy: … Deima: What’s wrong, doll? Guy: I just wanna scream… how could this… happen to meeeeeeee~ Starr: Oh, c’mon… is it really THAT bad? Guy: YES!!! Guy breaks out into a mad dash away from the town and through a small wooded area. He suddenly finds himself about three feet past the edge of a random cliff. Guy: … Shit. Guy goes plummeting down below. When the camera catches up, he’s broken through the ground and awakens inside a temple below. Guy: Urgh~ wh-where am I? Guy stands up and looks up on an elevated platform where an elderly man sits. Guy: You…? Who are…? Old Man: Ye of the Pudding Clan. Stand before me. Go up to him and speak. Guy will sit in front of him. Guy: Yeah? Old Man: Are you deaf?! I said sta--… never mind. Listen, you are of a proud line’s descent. Guy: If you say so. I don’t have a canonical father and my mom just stands in the kitchen and makes vaguely suggestive comments about my new party members every time I speak to her. Old Man: You are of the Proud and Pure Pudding Patriarchy! Guy: Peh peh peh peh? Old Man: … *Ahem* You were brought here by a very powerful force. Guy: Gravity. Old Man: … Fate. Guy: Do you believe in gravity? Old Man: What? No! I mean… YES! No, I mean… SHUT UP! Guy: Okay. Old Man: There is a very powerful force drawing you to destiny! Guy: F-Cups? Old Man: Your pride and your connection to the ancient heroes of times passed – Hiro and Dood. Guy: Who? Old Man: The main characters of Amazing Quest 1 and 2. Guy: For the last time there was NO AMAZING QUE— Old Man: But it’s your connection to them which draws out your latent power. Power rarely found in men in this day in age. Guy: What do you mean by that? Old Man: Men rarely have the powers of magic, if ever, anymore. And when they do, it rarely manifests as anything amazing. Guy: Why is that? Old Man: Magic stems from feminine endowment. Guy: F-Cups? Old Man: Stop thinking about your chunky girlfrie--… well, actually you’re absolutely right. Guy: Bewbs, then? Old Man: To put it crudely, yes. Guy: So I have manboobs? Old Man: No. Idiot. Your pudding power stems from generations of warriors who trained themselves night and day to prepare for Holstein’s re-awakening! Guy: I don’t quite follow. Old Man: A long-ass time ago there was a division in the Pudding Clan. Broken up between the two sects: T and A. Guy: … so… manboobs then? Old Man: Stop talking and start thinking for once. The ancient sorceress formally known as “Holst” had divided the clan by promising the collector of the Six Magical And Color-Coordinated Rocks Of The Thinly Veiled Disguise Of A Promise Of Power And Wealth great power and wealth. Guy: Imagine that. Old Man: And we bought right into her trap. We fought our own clansmen in a bloody war until your ancestor, Hiro, struck her down with the super-powerful “GOLDEN PUDDING” form, which fused him and his allies into one! Guy: That has no gay overtones. None. Old Man: Shut up for a moment, okay? Hiro’s descendant then saved us all from Holst’s spore. Guy: WHOAWHOAWHOA, wait a second! “Spore”?! Holst drops spores like a fungas? Old Man: Well, I was using it in a metaphoric sense… Guy: EWW!!! Old Man: Her spawn, the dreaded Deathseth! Guy: Wait, what? Old Man: Deathseth! He established— Guy: HE?! A “she” asexually gave birth to a “he”?! Old Man: Well, yes but… Guy: OH GAWD! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?! Old Man: But it was Hiro’s progeny, Dood, who saved us all once again. Then, Holst, reborn from loli to MILF in a single sequel, became Holstein and declared holocaust against the Pudding Clan for the grief it’s given her. Guy: How’d that go? Old Man: There’s about 50 of us left in the entire world. Guy: That sucks. Old Man: Indeed. But now with our prince back, we can stop Holstein. Guy: I wish him the best of—oh wait, you mean me. Old Man: Mm-hmm. Guy: Shit. Well, what if I believe in democracy? Old Man: Too bad. Guy: Damn it. The Old Man stands up. Old Man: The hour has grown late. Guy: It’s 2:30. Old Man: Rise, Guy T. Man! Guy stands up. Old Man: You’ve done well to make it this far… but if you are truly to beat Holstein, you’ll need great power still! Guy: So, what? Like level 50? Old Man: Heh. The Old Man floats above the ground and does a Heart of Pudding morph. Guy: !!! Old Man: Ready your blade, youth, or else! Guy: Can’t I just change my name and move to a different country? It worked in the Carter administration. Old Man: No. Guy: Oh. Fu— -Boss Fight!- Peanut Butter Form LP: 10000 This fight is a nightmare at its best. He’s faster, stronger, smarter and cooler-looking than you. And you’re fighting him with no magic user in tow, either. The only way to make this fight easy would be to fight him at level 50 or use a Game Genie. Your only saving grace is that the boss has a 1/5 chance of getting the “Bad Back” message, preventing him from attacking you for one turn. Mind his “Aura-Aura-Aura” attack as that will rape your face at best and auto-kill you at worst. Also, do not use Guy’s ultimate form. Doing so causes PBF to immediately lay on the hate with an attack called “The Dispenser is Empty”, which forces Guy back to his normal form immediately, effectively giving him two moves per turn. Now is the time to break out item use like there’s no tomorrow. Guy: *Pant* *Pant* That… was… INSANE!!! The Old Man reverts back to his normal, old form. Old Man: Heh. You’re quite powerful… I think you’ll do fine. Guy receives the Peanut Butter Form! Supposedly it has low defense making him easily hurt, but the form basically breaks the game with obscene attack, magical prowess and speed so high that hitting him is nigh-on impossible. Congrats. You can beat the game with this form, as it’s MP cost is half of Guy’s ultimate, yet exceeds it in every way. Guy: This?! Old Man: With that, you should make it all the closer to stopping Holstein for us all. Guy: I don’t know what to say… Old Man: You don’t need to lament my passing. I knew today was my last day… Guy: I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR LIFE, OLD MAN! I’m speechless because I ran off a cliff and ended up getting super powers. Isn’t that kind of a bad message to be sending kids playing Nintendo? Old Man: Oh. Well, I didn’t think of that. Oh. Wait. I’m dead. The Old Man falls flat and Guy calmly walks out of the building. Congratulations! You cleared Chapter 6! Finally! |
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Come visit me and my thought processes at my website: http://www.publishedauthors.net/tdotdw/news.html "In the cold light, justice and morality always look corny and you can't wave the flag and look cool. But like it or not, society needs its heroes." - John Hart; actor who played The Lone Ranger. | |
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| Dietaku | Dec 20 2008, 12:07 AM Post #8 |
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Grade A /B/tard
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--Chapter 7: Baby Call Me Frankenstein— After getting you party back together, get a good party setup, and rearrange your party jobs as needed(For me, this resulted in Guy becoming a cowboy, Nixx becoming a schizo {No surprise there} Bolte becoming a Comedian, Roth was a pirate, Tim was, yes, a Ninja, Starr becoming a Cowgirl, and Deima became a Comedian as well.) After you have all that sorted out, head towards First Town, and say Hi to your Mom if you want. This triggers an amusing FMV. Guy: I’m home, Mom. Mom: Oh, hi, honey. Who are these people? Guy: It’s a long story… Nixx: Hey, Ms Man! How are things? Mom: Oh, Nixx. I’m fine. Have you been travelling? Bolte: More or less across then entire planet, yes. Mom: Oh, Princess Bolte Toruble! You honor us with your presence! Bolte: Finally! Someone who sees me for what I really am! Nixx: A bitch? Bolte: NO (Deima makes her way to the front of the group, eyes Guy’s Mom and kisses her passionately) Tim: Sugoi! Deima: Hello, there Mom: Mmmmm... Deima: Was that good for you? Mom: Uuuugh…. Guy: I think we should leave now… (Outside) Nixx: Oh, shit! My job! Guy: What job? Nixx: My messenger job! Guy: Oh, that. I thought you completed that when we rescued Bolte? Bolte: Indeed. Being the next in line for the throne of Toruble, you can relay any messages to my parents to me. Nixx: Oh, no. My instructions were to give the message to the king and the king only. I don’t know if you could be a spy or not. Bolte: Nixx, why would I be a spy to a family I’m heavily entrenched in? Furthermore, I’ve had ample opportunities to steal any information you had from you, and yet I haven’t, have I? Nixx: Well, no. But, still, I can only deliver it to the King! Guy: The one time he insists on being morally upright to the letter. (Sigh) Come on, the Toruble Castle is just through the Totallynotin Forest. Come on…. --Totallynotin Forest-- This place’s layout is the same as before, although the denizens are not. Instead of the cute beasts of before, there exists Dryad Souls, Screaming Munchkins, and Mutant Horrors. Apparently, Holstein effed this place up good. Or at least something did. Once you reach the castle (Surprisingly easy without the Munchkin Mom in the way), you find the castle, which is also under the influence of the corruption of the area. However, unlike the woods, which have become darker and more hostile, the castle itself has become pink and sparkly. Tim: (whistles) nice getup, Bolte! Bolte: WHAT. THE. FUCK!?! MY HOUSE! (A window pops open and a head appears) Head: Hey! Can you keep it down, now? Bolte: What the hell did you do to my house and my parents? Head: Oh, those. I took care of them. Don’t worry. They’re all under the protection of me, Babi! Come and get me, if you dare! Bolte: Oooh! Come on! Tim: Do we have to? This seems so stupid! Roth/Nixx/Guy: (Oooh! Bad move!) Bolte: You ARE coming to help get my castle back! Tim: B-but… Deima (If you don’t have her, Starr will say this): A woman’s soul is in the pride of her home, Tim. Do not besmirch this by refusing. Tim: (sigh) Okay…. Guy: (If Deima said it) says the woman who lived in the trees? -- Not Toruble Keep Redux-- This place is, once again, the same as before. However, instead of the machine knights of old, it is populated by Erineyyes, Dominatrix Quisitors, and Lusty Bones (Unintentional translation? I think not.) This is another good place to grind, but if you’ve not run from a ton of fights, you shouldn’t have too much trouble here. In order to advance, you need to rescue several maids on each level. They will run to the stairway leading up to the next level. There are three, save, for on the fifth, which for some odd reason has four. On the seventh, there is one fake maid, who is actually a boss. You can tell, as her dress is blue instead of pink like the others. If you got to her, then you’ll receive this FMV. Guy: Oh, another one! Come on, we need you to help us advance to the next level! Maid: O-oh, really? Guy: Yes! Come on! Maid: (Grins maniacally, and grows wings) I’m sorry, but there is still filth on this floor to clean! Guy: Oh, shit --Boss-- Meido Meido LP: 15000 Meido Meido (or MM as she’s called by her fans. Yes, she has fans) is a surprisingly tough cookie. Her “Hell Duster” can hit tightly packed groups, so ensure your party is far apart from each other. Also, her attack is high, so she may very well kill Bolte, if she is present, even if she’s in the back row. Once she’s below half health, she’ll obtain the “Muck Raker” technique which will hit ALL of your party for earth elemented damage. To avoid this, have Starr cast “Spell Rod” and “Sky Veil” to minimize the damage only to herself. However, once she begins these attacks, press all the harder, for she’s almost dead. Meido Meido: AAAGAH! You’re mean! I’m leaving! (Grumbles about messy patrons and takes off) Guy: What? Nixx: The world will never know, Guy… Once you have that, press on to the tenth floor, which contains the bastard, Babi, himself. Guy: Babi! We’ve (Shocked) Ooh, boy. (Babi is standing in the nude. Not as interesting in 16-bit, but he’s naked nonetheless.) Babi: Ooh! You made it! I so hoped you would! Bolte: Idiot! What did you do with my castle and parents? And what the hell happened to your pants? Babi: Silly fools! Lady Holstein has unleashed waves upon wave of minions such as I upon this world. We will conquer it for her, and in doing so, gain untold power! Bolte: BITCH! Guy! Nix! Roth! Tim! Get him! Guy: Uh…Okay….. Babi: Ooh! Playmates! Guy: Ugh… (The guys and Babi fight, and Babi beats them soundly) Babi; Fools! I am the monster of love! Your attacks cannot one such as I! Bolte: Idiots! I’ll punish you all later! Starr, Deima, come on! Babi: I, Babi Call Mii, shall be your opponent! --Boss— Babi Call Mii LP: 20000 Another boss so soon? Yes, indeed. He’s tough, as you only have the women of the party to fight him with. He’s a hard hitter, too. As such, I suggest either Starr or Deima up front to soak his hits, and keeping Bolte in the back. His main strategy is to hit with a normal attack, then hit you with his “Frankenstein” attack. Once he gets enough energy, (he gains energy via attacking) he’ll unleash his biggest move, “Chou Aniki.” YOU DO NOT WANT HI TO DO THIS. Not only is this the most visually garish attack in the game, it will randomly kill one of your characters. Thus, have Deima or Bolte cast “Numb” on him to ensure he can only attack with his three spells, Light-2, Light-3, and Fire-2. If you can do that, then this isn’t a hard fight at all. Babi: I AM BABI CALL MII….. Bolte: No, you’re Frankenstein! Babi:!!! (Deima then explodes him with a spell) Deima: Shall we find your parents, then, Bolte? Bolte; Yes! (The scene changes to the dungeon that the heroes escaped from in Chapter 1. Ironically, the Machine soldier Bolte caught in there is still there.) Old Man: Bolte! You came back! Bolte: Dad! Mom! King: (staring at Deima) Oh, Bolte. It’s so good to see you again. Bolte: Uh, Dad. I’m over here. King: Ah, right. Well, you and your friend do look alike, you know… (Bolte stares at Deima, who only smirks) Queen: But, in any case, dear. It’s good to see you. And its good to see you have so many good friends to assist you. Bolte: indeed. Say, Mom, Dad. Do we still have that flying carpet? Queen: Indeed, but why would you want THAT old thing? Bolte: No reason. I’ll be back in a few days. Dad: Stay safe, dear! Deima: (smirks) and blows open the door. King: Ah, there you are! Come on, then! (Guy, Roth, Nixx, and Tim all remain on the top floor) Guys: They forgot us…. Now that you have the flying carpet, you can go and access any number of quests. You don’t need to do them, and can even gather the talismans and summon Holstein yourself. What you do is up to you. However, what we write here is what is generally the most linear of the quests, in terms of their ease and items gained. --Tim’s Quest!— Go to Next Town, and see Loyroll. Talk to him, and he’ll mention a ninja uprising in the mountains. Go back outside, and go north to a tiny patch of free space in the mountains. Park the carpet there, and go to the town which is directly to the east. Welcome to Ninjaburg. Nixx: This is Ninjaburg, eh? I don’t see any ninjas (A series of orange garbed ninjas scream out of the trees, pulling off reverse backflips right in front of the group. They pull off a crazy pose that would require yoga to pull off an retain your spine, as a single ninja strides through the group) Head ninja: Ah, Tim-kun. You have returned. But, why have you brought outsiders with you? Tim: Uh, these are my Nakama, Dodongo-sempai. Dodongo: Bakajane! You never bring outsiders to Ninjaburg! Now, you and your “Nakama” must be punished! The Party:!!!! --Boss Fight-- Dodongo and Ninjas Dodongo x1 LP: 7500 Ninjas x4: 1500 each This fight is a joke compared to Babi and his lot. Just rail on them until dead. Dodongo is the worst, though, and might actually pull off his “Flame Bomb” attack. Not much here to write about, to be honest. Dodongo: You bested me. But fear not! I will get revenge in the Super Sugoi Ninja Exam! Tim: I’ll prove my worth and that of my Nakama, Dodongo! Berieve it! Dodongo: Dahk Wahp! (Disappears) Starr: Was that a childhood friend, whom you inadvertently alienated due to differing interests, who now wishes to prove themselves to you by antagonizing you as their rival? Tim:!!!! (She got it in one!) Guy: Wow, impressive, Starr. With that done with, you can traverse Ninjaburg as you wish. I’d recommend getting the gear here, as its pretty good compared to your current set. Once you’re ready, go over to the scantily clad lady ninja over by the castle, and answer “yes” to her query. This will send you into the Super Sugoi Ninja Exam Dodongo mentioned. Guy: What the hell is THIS all about? Starr: Oh! Is this a challenging exam to allow for only the best and brightest ninajs to be promoted to the top ranks? Tim: Y-yes, actually. However, I have to ask…Why are you guys here, anyways? You’re not ninjas. Roth: If we all take the Ninja job, we are. Bolte: Besides, if those ninjas at the gate are the norm, this should be a piece of cake! Tim: Hmph. Important looking Ninja: Greetings, fellow ninjas! Now begins the Super Sugoi Ninja Exams. These tests will tax your mental, physical and spiritual powers to the limits! Now, your task, and the only one, is to make it to the top of the castle! That is all! Arigato! Now, go forth and prosper, students! Students: BANZAAAAAAAAAAAAI!!!! (They surge forward into the castle, trampling the instructor in their charge.) --Ninjaburg Keep-- This dungeon isn’t hard by any means. The “Kunoichi” and “Master Genjin” monsters are to be looked out for, however, as they drop 5000 gold and a Sugoi Dengaku respectively. The real trick here is that there are “trap” doors, similar to those of the Temple of Sleeping Giants in Chapter 1, dart traps, which are blatantly obvious, and switches with the sign, “If you press this, a trap door will open and you'll drop to the floor below you. There is no treasure down there or anything. Just time wasted.” Do not press them. They are actually telling the truth, ironically. Once you reach the third level, they add in switches that say,” Do not press this, as it summons ninja guardians.” Once again, unless you want three “Full Possession Genjin” dropped on you., don’t press them. Once you reach, level 7, the instructor, battered, and bloodied, congratulates you for your “outstanding work,” but mentions that there was another contender this year. You are then sent over to rest, and off to fight this contender. Tim: I wonder who this can be? Is it Hitsugawa, and his insect dance technique? Or Koryako, with her Boinjutsu? Oooh, I just want to be the best ninja ever! Dodongo: Tim! It is I! I told you I’d be the one to defeat you! And now I will! Tim: Bastard! I need to protect my Nakama! Nixx: That’s nice and all, but we’re completely okay. Tim: But Dodongo seriously maimed you all, I know it! Bolte: Actually, while you were muttering to yourself, he bought us all lunch! Dodongo: Yes, and since they ate an hour before a fight, they are disqualified under Ninja Law. Thus, you are the only one who can fight me now, Tim! Roth: Defeat never tasted so good. Starr: Sushi! Yum! Tim: SHIT! Wait! I can do this! I just need to remember my master’s words! (Flashback sepia) Master: Stop reading Ninja Scroll, Tim! You need to learn how to cut the wings off a fly with your teeth! Tim: Yes, Sensei! (Five minutes later) Master: TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM! Tim: Sorry, Sensei! It was a really good bit! (Back to the present and all colors) Tim: Huh. Looks like I must SEARCH IN MY SOUL! AND…And…USE MY SHARKAN SHOOTER! Dodongo:!!!! --Boss Fight-- Shin Dodongo LP: 15000 Like Sirene’s battle with Nixx, you only get Tim for this battle. Dodongo is much tougher because of this, although Tim’s new ability, Sharkan Shooter helps greatly. This ability acts like his throw, save it triples the damage that a thrown item would do. Thus, an easy way to win is buy three “Ninja Blades” in the shop, and all use Sharkan Shooter on them. This OUGHT to do a total of 18000 damage, but if you opted out of this, be prepared for an INSANE fight. Dodongo is much stronger than he was before, and even possesses the “DAHK SPIRAL” tech, which can halve Tim’s LP. As such, be prepared to heal, and chuck any and all unused weapons at him. Dodongo: Even my hours of training…Wasted…. Tim: YATTA! I win! Nixx: Aw, I thought for sure, he’d lose! Instructor: Haha! Good work, Tim! Not only are you the strongest ninja in Ninajburg’s new generation, but you are to be entrusted with this (Hands you the “Sugoi Tsurugi,” Tim’s ultimate weapon.) Tim: Thank you, Sensei! Instructor: What the hell are you still doing here? Get out! Tim: O_O YES MASTER! Congrats! You completed Tim’s quest! Now, onto the next one! --Nixx’s Quest— Go to back to First Town, and go to the very back. There, you see a silver haired girl who looks to be around thirteen. She’s crying, up a storm, too. Girl: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Nixx: Hey, what’s the matter here, Richa? Guy: You know this girl, Nixx? Nixx: Yeah, she’s my little sister, after all. Guy: You have a little sister? Nixx: Yeah. Didn’t I ever tell you? Guy: No. I’ve lived next to you ever since I can remember, and you never mentioned this. Nixx: Well, I do. Her name is Richa, and she’s thirteen years old. Starr: Could it be that a series of highly improbable circumstances have led Guy to never knowing that Nixx had a little sister? Guy:…. Nixx: Yeah, let’s go with that. Anyways, what’s wrong, Richa? Richa: These bandits! They took Bokkie away! Guy: Bokkie? Nixx: Her pet chicken. Guy: Okay, I can admit that a series of unlikely events could prevent me from knowing that you had a little sister, but a little sister AND a chicken? What the hell, man? Nixx: I dunno. It’s not MY fault… Starr: Don’t worry, sweetie. We’ll find Bokkie doe you. Richa: You will? Bolte: Of course. You seem much nicer than you brother, anyways. Richa: One thing, though, big sisters….. Bolte: Yes? Richa: You ARE Big brother Nixx’s bitches, right? Bolte:… Starr:…. Deima: Heh Roth: Uh…. Tim: Oh, man… Nixx: Uh-oh… (Bolte then chases Nixx off, kicking his ass for 600 damage!) Nixx: What did I do? Richa: Did I do something wrong? Starr: Not you, sweetie. Bolte: Just your bastard brother. --Manse of Lucidah-- Leave town by the path to the northwest. From there, you’ll enter a desert area. The enemies here aren’t too bad, being Sand Devils, and Astral Djinn. There aren’t any markers or landmarks of any kind, and as such, you’ll have to either wander blindly, or just walk five screens to the left, and one screen to the north. From there, you’ll see a large hill. Examine it, and receive a FMV. Guy: We haven’t found nay trace of bandits or anyone in particular. I wonder if Nixx’s sister was telling the truth of just delusional. Nixx: She told the truth! She’s so sweet; she doesn’t know how to lie! Guy: Huh. Makes her better than some people here. Tim: Hey! Guy: I meant Nixx, Tim Tim: Oh. Bolte: All this running around. I’m exhausted. (Bolte sits on the sand dune, which rumbles up, revealing itself to actually be a man and a camel fused at the hump.) Camel-man: Infidels! How dare you trespass on Lucidah’s holy desert! --Boss Fight-- Paimon the Traveller LP: 17000 This guy fights similarly to the Bejeweled Baal Zebuls of Chapter 5, in that he spasm Ursa Major, another powerful light spell. As such, have Starr in the front using spell rod and Dark veil in order to minimize the damage to your party. His other attacks, an all party regular attack, and Flame Tornado, a monster-only fire technique, are powerful, but not as dangerous as Ursa Major. However, he should be down in a few turns. Guy: Hey, did you steal some kid’s chicken? Nixx: Come, on, man. I think my sister would be able to recognize the difference between bandits and a devil camel-man. Guy: I just need to check, okay? Paimon: I did not. Those whom you seek are in the court of Lucidah, to the north. Come. I will show you the way. Paimon strides off to the north. Follow him to enter a parade of devils chanting the same song as those in the Shell of Greed in Chapter 5. Join up with them, and follow them into the tunnel they enter. (As you pass this journey, try to identify as many monsters as you can from the mass you joined.) Once you enter, there is a bridge, and a stairway. Ignore the stairway, and fall off the bridge. You’ll land on a lower level, next to a chest containing a Devil Horns accessory. This baby lowers encounter rates to little less than 10%, so equip them, and go up the stairway, which is the one you passed just before the bridge. Continue on with the dancing demons, and you should be able to waltz all the way through this dungeon without a single encounter. If you didn’t, however, be prepared for carnage, as you have to face Golden Idols, Shub Goatspawn, and other astral horrors, which only Holstein could love. After following the Congo line from Hell, you’ll enter a central room, which is where the chanting and catchy MIDI has been coming from. (The name of the song is Hymn to Celestial Goddess, you internet fruitcakes, not the Bouncy Tits song! Goddammit!) In the center of the mass of monsters is a naked, well-endowed young blonde woman, who is dancing and signing to the accompaniment of the Baal Zebuls behind her. Also of note is in front of her is a rather perturbed looking chicken, sitting on a pile of gold, loot, and scared looking slaves. Demons: (Siinging) How can it be that the Deserts provide? Something so precious, you’d know if I lied! Il il il il bitti akil! Nixx: Bokkie! (Runs to try and grab it) (This throws off the entire line, grabbing the attention of the Baal Zebuls and the Nudist) Nudist: Who dares disturb our dance? Speak now! Guy: Who the hell are you to command us, bitch? Give us that chicken! Nudist: ME? How dare you? I am Lucidah, sole daughter to the most high, Holstein! It was by my hand that the God-Emperor of the Black Puddings, Zod was slain, and by MY hand that Deathseth was sealed! Guy: But the old guy said- Lucidah: Like some measly pile of earth would stave off that upstart? Bah! In any case, that chicken is part of the sacrifice to my mother. I cannot let you have it. Nixx: (aura glowing) you may be a woman, and a busty naked one, at that, but I can’t disappoint my little sister! (Empowered by brotherly love, Nixx’s Superfantastico has evolved into its true form!) Guy: (facepalm) Not THIS shit again! Lucidah: (Eyes glowing, grows fangs, wings and a tail) MORTAL, YOU DELIGHT ME! LET US DO LUSCIOUS BATTLE! Lucidah, Heir to Celestial Goddess LP: 25000 Yes, her LP count there is right, she has 25000 LP. Also, she can hit EVERYONE for heavy light and dark damage with her signature tech, God and Devil. Her other abilities, Float, Wind Shock, and Air Barrier, make her not only difficult to hit, but also immune to most offensive damage. Thus, the surest way of dealing with her is to resort to Pudding mode and Shin Superfantastico, which now is more or less a button mashing minigame. Try to get the counter up to Stratos Kick, for the best damage you can. This will most assuredly be a difficult battle, but a doable one. Monsters: mistress! Lucidah: No! I’ve been bested! I return to my mother’s bosom now, but remember this. I am not dead, and will come for you! Guy: That was not foreboding at all. Nixx: Yeah, let’s just get back to my little sister now (Grabs Bokkie) Return to Richa for yet another amusing FMV. Richa: Yay! Thank you for getting Bokkie back for me, Big Bro! Nixx: Nothing to it, Richa… Starr: Aw, how sweet. It’s so nice to see siblings act so nice to each other. Nixx: Well, we’re not true siblings. She’s my half sister. See, we have different fathers, but the same mother…. Richa: But you’re still my big brother, Nixx! Nixx: Yeah, but…. Guy: (Sigh) Congratulations! Not only did you finish Nixx’s chapter, but you finished chapter 7! |
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| Jeff | Dec 20 2008, 01:10 PM Post #9 |
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Destroyer of Worlds
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--Chapter 8: The Ultimate Flavor— At this point, you can pretty much go where ever you want, but for a clue, go to Guy’s house. This will, consequently, trigger another FMV with his mom. Mom: O-oh my! Who might YOU be? Roth: My name is Roth. I am a humble miner and having me here is a great honor. Mom: Oh! W-well… umm… wow. Nixx: (Is she gushing over him?) Guy: (Dear God, I sure hope not…) Then… Mom: And who might you be? Guy: Umm… your only child? Mom: No, silly! Her. Starr: O-oh! Me? I’m Starr. I’m… a very close friend of Guy’s. Mom: Hmm… why are you wearing that silly headpiece? Starr: S-silly?! Starr tears up. Guy: Err… it’s a long story. I’ll explain later, mom, don’t sweat it… Starr: Silly? Do I look silly? Bolte: Please don’t look at me like that. And finally… Mom: My goodness! You’ve made so many new friends! I’m relieved. I thought you’d stay cooped up in your room playing Rave Master forever! Guy: That was the plan, once upon a time… Nixx: You can thank me later. Guy: If by “thank” you mean “throttle”, than absolutely, ye who enjoys leaving out significant details. Nixx: Eh-heh-heh-heh… Mom: Try to stay out of trouble! Guy: If by “trouble” you mean “prison”… eh, never mind. Mom: ? Guy: We gotta get going… see you later mom. Then you can go into Guy’s room, and you take control of any character whose mission you’ve already cleared. So, currently, odds are good you’re playing as Nixx. You may now speak to other party members to ask about clues for their quests. Speak to Starr now. Starr: Y’know, I hadn’t thought about it until now… but after we left, Indus Facto was destroyed in a fiery blast! Whoever you’re currently controlling: Actually, it was destroyed in a fiery blast while we were STILL THERE. Starr: Still! I’m worried. We never went back to check on it… I think we should! You heard the lady! Hop on your magic carpet and set off. When you arrive, you find a massive, smoldering crater. Starr: Eek! It’s hot to the touch! Roth: As a miner with lots of experience in this field, I’d say it’s a really bad idea to go in at this point. Guy: But where’s Efrita? Did she get out too? Starr: What if she was buried alive?! Nixx: Karma’s a bitch. Whatcha gonna do? Starr: That’s NOT a very heroic attitude! Nixx: Look, I’m all for hot girls, but HOW, exactly, does one get their mack on with a FIRE ELEMENTAL?! Starr: Is that ALL you think about?! Nixx: … Pretty much, yeah. Starr: *Facepalm* Guy: Why did you even need to ask that? Starr begins walking into the crater. Starr: Fine! I don’t need anyone’s help. See if I care. Guy: G’ugh! Starr… Guy hurries down in front of her. Guy: I’m as worried as you are, but charging in alone isn’t helping. We’re a team! Let’s go together! Nixx: Speak for yourself, hero boy. Nixx puts his arms behind his head. Roth gives him a reassuring shove forward as the rest of the team moves up. Starr: You guys… thanks. Guy: I’m always here for you… Guy takes Starr’s hands into his own, when suddenly; a red skeleton rises from the ground. Skeleton: That’s as far as the love scene goes! Guy whirls around. Guy: What the--?! Not ANOTHER undead dungeon! Come on! Skeleton: It was not by MY hand that I’m once again given flesh! Guy: Uhh… dude, skeleton? Skeleton: Oh, right. It was not by MY hand I’m once again given vaguely-human form! I was called here by… HYOOMANS who wish to pay MMMMMME tribute! Guy: TRIBUTE?! … Wait, who were you again? Skeleton: Owner of the really phallic tower you guys nuked for no justified reason. Guy: Oh right. You steal men’s souls! And make them your slaves! Skeleton: Perhaps the same could be said of ALL religions. Guy: Your words are as empty as… umm… your skull! Mankind ILL needs an employer such as YOU! Skeleton: WHAT IS A MAN?! A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk! HAVE AT YOU! -Boss Fight!- Red Skeleton LP: 20000 The red skeleton, as you might’ve guessed, has a fire affinity to it. Have Guy go Creamsicle to get the ever-handy water affinity and have Starr blast away when she’s not buffing the team. The Red Skeleton mostly just spams “Graveyard Rain” which causes bones to fall on your party, but has some otherwise imposing techniques that cause confusion. If anyone is confused, have Starr use “Attention!” to focus their confused wrath upon the Red Skeleton. After a while, he’ll break due to his crappy defenses. Skeleton: Yoooou kiiiiilled meeeee… Guy: Uh, dude, skeleton? Starr: I don’t think he can hear you. He’s kind of in a small, immobilized pile. You then get to go into the Smoldering Crater. It’s a much more convoluted run through some of the tower’s lower levels and the temple-like segment at the bottom but with a much more reasonable random encounter rate. There are now some new chests, mostly containing burnt food items, which sounds useless in theory, but heals a small amount of LP while boosting fire resistance for one battle. Some items of note, though, include Starr’s best armor pieces including the PLBY GTUP armor, BNNY Bracer and BNNY Shoes. Enemies of note include the Mr. Magma, Flame Wars and Uncomfortable Humidity Man. After a while, you’ll FINALLY find the bottom of the area. When you arrive, you trigger an FMV. Efrita is lying on a small, elevated rock pile, panting, and her fires weak. Starr: ?! Efrita! Starr hurries forward. Efrita: Naw! Sugah, stay back! It’s not safe here! Y’all shouldn’ be here! Starr: Don’t be stupid! We’re here to save a friend! Efrita: That’s very sweet o’ joo, but… there’s… Tim gets into a battle pose. Tim: My ninja senses are tingling! Roth: Your what is what? Tim: There’s someone watching us! I knew it! Nixx: THEN WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY SO SOONER, IDIOT?! Tim: You yelled at me every time I opened my mouth! Nixx: Oh. Right. Heh-heh-heh… So, what’s the deal? A series of scraps fall from the ceiling in between Efrita and Starr. Starr backs away. Starr: Uh-oh… Efrita: Run! Hurry! I-I’ll be fine! Urgh! Starr: In that shape? You won’t last five minutes! The metal slowly levitates upwards and takes on the form of a massive suit of armor, wielding a lead pipe. Guy: I PROTEST ON THE GROUNDS THAT THAT IS NOT LEGITIMATE MEDIEVAL EQUIPMENT! Nixx: GUESS WHAT?! I DON’T THINK HE CARES! Starr: Here it comes! -Boss Fight!- Scrapped Dullahan LP: 23000 Scrap Steed (0-2) LP: 15000 This massive metal monster is no joke. I hate this fight. All its attacks are, paradoxically, non-elemented as is the monster proper, so without this guide you might be shooting a lot of water on it and wondering why it’s not doing a whole lot. Well, that’s why. It also has this annoying tendency to use “Feign Swing” which is effectively a bitchsmack that has a zero percent miss rate but a paradoxically high critical hit rate, but the trade-off is it can’t kill you. Lovely, huh? It also loves summoning an assist beast, the Scrap Steed, as I mentioned above. When one is on the field, he’ll sometimes mount it and charge into you, making your life full of pain and misery. Dullahan has obscene defense, so try to break the steeds first, and THEN focus your effort on the main body. Guy’s Peanut Butter form, Nixx’s Shin Superfantastico and Starr’s defense buffers are the best way to go, but don’t be surprised if this bastard kills you in one hit. Guy: *Pant* *Pant* That was crazy! What was THAT all about?! Efrita: I think it was one o’ dems crazy experiments they was running in dis hole before I taught ‘em all a quick, hot lesson! Starr: Are you hurt? Efrita: ‘Dat hunk-o-junk gave me a ha’d time… but I knew joo would save me! Starr: You were telling us to run away… Efrita: Psssh. Everyone knows RPG heroes do ‘da opposite of what NPC’s tell ‘em to do! It was simple! Nixx: She’s got a point. Guy: But why was that thing after you in the first place? Efrita: ‘Cuz I got m’ah grubby lil’ paws on ‘dis! Efrita presents Starr with a talisman. Starr: The talisman of light! Nixx: That’s the one Uncle had! Starr: This is amazing! Thank you Efrita! Efrita: M’ah pleasure. Now, if you ‘dun mind, I’m gonna take a lava bath. See joo guys ‘roun’, m’kay? Don’ be strangers! Starr: Thank you very much! Efrita: Oh! Before I go ‘n’ forget, I foun’ dis. I figured joo’s smart. Joo’d know what to do with this. Starr gets the ECLPS BOMB! This is Starr’s best weapon in the game. Starr: Goodness! Thank you again! Efrita: M’ah pleasah, sistah. See joo guys again real soon, ‘kay? Guy: You bet. Head back to Guy’s place again. This time, speak to Guy. Guy: After all I’ve been through, I suppose I’ve gone too far to just go back to the way things were before now… but the Pudding Clan’s city was right next to First Town. Was it a coincidence or…? I must know! What’s the secret buried there?! Head a small distance down to the Ruined City of Pudding. There, the team fans out. Roth: Amazing ruins! So well-preserved, even! Tim: So, this is where your ancestors come from, Guy-niichan? Sugoi! Guy: Ye—wait, what did you just call me? Tim: Guy-niichan! Guy: I’m gonna assume that’s a good thing. Tim: Hai! Guy: … Right… well, listen, everyone I— Starr: You’re going to tell us that from this point onward it’s your duty to find the truth about your clan and Holstein’s relationship to it, because what Lucidah told you has made you nervous about your own self-actualization due to the influences of your genealogy on who you are. Guy: --… Umm… yeah. That. Starr: Well, in that case, we’d best say supportive things about you before you go! Nixx: I really had no idea you could be so introspective. Guy: Thanks. I think. Roth: A real man’s power comes from his heart! Right, Guy?! Guy: Uhh—r-right… I guess that sounds right. Deima: Hmph! I’m impressed. The boy has become a man. Guy: Heh. That’s nice of you to say, Deima. Deima: Come here and let me smother you in cake so I can lick it off your naked body. Guy: Iiiiiii… don’t think so. Tim: So mature! I wanna be like Guy-niichan someday too! Ii jan! Ii jan! Sugee jan! Guy: Whatever you say you psychotic little munchkin! Bolte: Do your best, for your queen! Guy: But I don’t live in your jurisdic— Bolte: FOR YOUR QUEEN! Guy: Of course! Long live the Queen! Starr: Do your best… Guy. Guy: Right! I will! Nixx: She spoke last, so obviously she’s your love interest! Guy: Stop ruining this! God, you’re worse than that sentient block! Nixx: Heh. He cockblock’d you, didn’t he? Guy: Shut the hell up. So you have to solo with Guy for this part. You can examine the city for all it’s worth and nab some free items here and there including HERO SHRT, HERO PANTS and HERO BOOTS. Gee, wonder if there’s a theme emerging here. When you’re set, go up to the enormous temple at the north end of town. Guy: … Something tells me that this unique building is important to the plot somehow… Guy goes inside and you regain control. Along the first wall is an enormous mural. Check it out. Mural: Over 500 years ago – even though Jeffcom will adamantly deny this number come the sequel – a massive war erupted. In lieu of the defeat of Deathseth, the enraged sorceress, Holst began her conquest of the Pudding Clan, descending unto a fury, being reborn as the MILF goddess, Holstein. The Pudding Clan was besieged by armies of varying clans, made to believe the Pudding Clan was an evil force, preparing to use their powers for world domination… Guy: Holy hell! This game has a PLOT?! Mural: People hoped and prayed that the heroes of old would rescue their clan once more, but even in the most hellish battlefields, they did not come. Guy: Whoa, dude. This is a Nintendo game do you have to make this so intense? Mural: Eventually, the elders of the Pudding Clan hoped to win the trust and sympathy of other clans, by drawing connections from their heroes of old to other clans of that time. Regrettably, this did not work very well. Guy: Master plan didn’t pan out so good, did it, wise ass? Mural: But all was not lost. The last remaining Pudding Elders joined forces and put a magical seal over the last Pudding city left untouched by the destruction, to hide our sweet, tasty, trans-fatty goodness from Holstein’s keen nose. Guy: Well, now that we’ve cram-packed that lecture into one hallway, I’m ready to resume the game. Guy then gets to navigate some twisty-turny hallways until you walk past an enormous mural depicting the final boss battle of Amazing Quest 1 where Hiro and his brave friends battle against Holst. The next room is a similar mural but of the final battle of Amazing Quest 2: The Return of the Revenge of the Reloaded Revolution, where Dood and his small cadre of companions defeat the evil Deathseth. Eventually, Guy reaches the last room, a sort of shrine with an orb sitting on a pedestal. Guy: What’s all this, then? Guy picks up the orb and look at it. Guy: … Okay! Event flags? Anyone? The orb glows. Guy: That’s more like it! Suddenly, the orb vanishes as do the decorations around the platform as another Guy comes from the opposite wall. Guy: GAH! You’re me?! Another Guy: I’m the Final Trial for the Proud Pudding Clan! Guy: Peh peh pe—never mind. Another Guy: To master your true powers— Guy: I must first master myself, right? Another Guy: Look, this is the only scene I get in the game. Don’t steal my fuckin’ thunder. Guy: Let’s just get this over with. -Boss Fight!- Another Guy LP: 30000 I know what you’re thinking. “Holy crap that’s a lot of LP!”. Well, yes. Also, did you notice the weird cube-shaped barrier at the start of the fight that enclosed the area around you and him? That has sealed off your pudding forms. Also, Another Guy uses his first turn to ascend to the LOW-CARB CHOCOLATE-AVACADO-TAPIOCA SWIRL WITH SPRINKLES form – or, in case you forgot, Guy’s allegedly-best form. How do you win this fight? Well, he spends the first parts of the fight blocking damage from your attacks, so you slowly widdle him down until he’s closer to 25000. Then, you’ll get the message “That’s all you got?! Let me show you the error of your ways!” and Another Guy will assume a different stance. His defense plummets, but his attack (supposedly) goes up, but you simply have no basis for comparison because you’ve spent the last 20 turns or so chipping at him. He’s incredibly powerful and can use any power you have. Your sole saving grace is that all of your high-tier powers are fire-based, meaning you’re naturally resistant to most of them. When you get him down to 15000 a brief cut scene initiates. Another Guy: Heh. You’re weak. Guy: D-damn it!!! I won’t accept defeat! My friends are waiting for me! And Tim too! Another Guy: You can walk away from this with your life if you simply accept defeat. Guy: NO!!! Another Guy: Final answer? Guy: BLOOD OF THE YUUSHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! The cubic barrier gets blasted away as Guy surges with energy. Another Guy: Wh-what?! Where did all that energy come from?! Guy: *Pant* *Pant* There we go! I guess the shoe’s on the other hand now! Another Guy: WHAT?! Guy: Here I come!!! The fight then resumes, so quickly turn into your Peanut Butter Form and spam your Aura power. This’ll break Another Guy in just a few turns. When this fight ends, both Guy and Another Guy revert back to normal. Another Guy: Hmph. I underestimated you. Guy: Damn skippy, son! Another Guy: Heh. So I suppose you already know what needs to be done, then. Guy: Getting laid? Another Guy: Apart from that. Guy: Oh! Right. Stopping Holstein and restoring balance to the Pudding Clan! Another Guy: There ya go! Guy: But what happens to you now? Another Guy: Much like Another Hiro and Another Dood before me… we’re going to Las Vegas. See ya. Guy: WHAT?! YOU BASTARD!!! Another Guy vanishes. Guy realizes the true power of his ultimate form and may not control them at will! (Not that it matters at this point, but the sheer exp alone merits this battle…) Guy then begins walking away, when Another Guy suddenly pops back up. Another Guy: Wait! I forgot something! Guy: What? Another Guy: You’ll be needing this. Another Guy tosses Guy a sword. Guy: This…? Another Guy: That’s the Yuusha Sword – the same sword both Hiro and Dood used in their battles. It is the strongest weapon in our arsenal. Guy: This… thank you. Another Guy: Peace out, foo’. Another Guy vanishes – this time for good. Then, Guy returns to the others. You now have the YSHA SWRD in your pack. Equip it – as promised, it’d Guy’s best weapon. Nixx: Hey! You’re back! And… smiling?! Guy: Yep. Roth: Maybe now he understands his destiny as a man. Guy: Indeed I do. Hiro T. Protagonist… Dood T. Maincharacter… and now… Guy T. Mann. We have a united destiny, and a world to protect! Let’s move out! Team: YEAH!!! Head back to Guy’s house one last time for Chapter 8. You’ll now be controlling Guy at these in-between segments, so speak to Roth. Roth: When you first mentioned Holst’s spore, Deathseth, it reminded me of a rumor I’d heard back in my mine about strange findings of what appeared to be an ancient cathedral, built to some deity. Maybe it’s nothing, but there might be some connection, don’t you think? Head back to the mine, a short walk from Totallynotin Toruble Castle, and head on in. The enemies here haven’t changed at all, making this section essentially a cakewalk, up until you reach the point where you met Roth last time. Nixx: Anyone else feel a draft? Deima: I always feel one. But that’s because I don’t have any pants on… Roth: There’s air coming through those rocks. Starr: There must be something on the other side! Roth: Awright! Stand aside, my friends! This is a man’s job! Roth brandishes his sign and then plows through the wall in a few quick swings. Roth: Pool’s open, muchachos! Guy: Nice! Let’s go! As soon as you try to pass through it, your party gets shoved back by an enormous snail-creature. Snail: Pool’s closed, muchachos! Nixx: Didn’t we use this gag in Neo Mythos? -Boss Fight!- Gruuu Snail & Shell Gruuu Snail LP: 22000 Gruuu Shell LP: Infinite Left Eye LP: 15000 Right Eye LP: 15000 The Gruuu Snail is not difficult, if you know what you’re doing. There are four targets (Gruuu Shell, Gruuu Snail, L. Eye, R. Eye). You’ll want Guy to use his Peanut Butter form and Nixx to spam Shin Superfantastico and I recommend Roth to lay on some hate against the Gruuu Snail’s eyes. Once you burst both eyes, the Gruuu Snail’s accuracy falls right to hell, making this fight MUCH easier and making his annoying “Sludge Spew” and “Gruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu” attacks miss with a very high frequency. Regrettably, magic such as Qualer-3 will not miss, but that’s part of the reason I recommend Roth for his natural resistance or Starr to use her Earth Veil techniques. Whatever you do, don’t attack the shell. That will trigger a burst of Qualer-3 on your party and that’s the last thing you need. Once you destroy the Gruuu Snail, you win! Nixx: That was crazy! Things like that can be buried for centuries and be PERFECTLY FINE to attack intruders? Guy: I’m just worried that Square’s gonna sue someone… Roth will then take the Gruuu Shell, which will be added as a unique item into your inventory. It serves no purpose that I’m aware of. Go inside the hole again to enter a new area which the game refers to as “Ruined Cathedral” even though the first section is actually a generic cave segment leading to said cathedral. Once inside, lots of new monsters make their debut, including Death Bats, Death Rats and Possessed Chamber Pots. Regardless of their diminutive size, these enemies are NOT to be underestimated if you wish to live. Plow through these guys and the otherwise-straight-forward castle. Players of Amazing Quest 2 will find this place oddly familiar. It’s the LAST STRETCH OF THE GAME PLAYED BACKWARDS. When you get to the top (what in AQ2 would’ve been the Pudding Clan’s hide-a-way) you’ll get an FMV. Guy: That’s weird. I feel like I’ve been here before. The player probably feels the same way. Nixx: C’mon, Guy, mind the 4th wall. It didn’t work for Kojima, postmodernism will not work here. Roth: These buildings have been empty for a very long time. Looks like a big fight broke out here. Guy: Must’ve been when Holst went psychobitch… A strange, ghostly image appears at the top of the area. Ghost: Ah-ha-ha-haaa! Starr: Wh-what’s that? Deima: Some sort of apparition… wonder what it wants. It suddenly blasts your party with a powerful pulse, knocking everyone flat sans Roth, who takes it like a man. Roth: UMPH! Huh! You don’t want us to find something here? Well, we’ll beat you! Right, guys?! Roth glances around at his KO’d party. Roth: Guys? Aww, crap! -Boss Fight!- Disembodied (And Quite Annoyed About that) Specter LP: 27000 You start off with Roth in the lead, though you have access to your party – except that they’re all KO’d. Quickly revive them and lay into the Specter. Roth is advised, as the Specter is wind elemented, as is Guy. For the third, I’d call for either Bolte or Deima, depending on if you need healing or just want to blast the Specter back into the afterlife. Be aware of its “Spirit Breath” attack, which will rip to shreds anyone with the poor judgment to be in the back row, but will do only minor damage to anyone in the front. Its defense is low, so you should be fine. Roth: Hah! Need more power! The specter fades away. Roth: Everyone okay? Guy: I’m fine… I think. Nixx: Not my idea of fun… Roth: Eh? What’s that? Roth receives the SPDLT SIGN – his ultimate weapon! Roth: Amazing! The most powerful and ticket-inducing of all signs known to man! Bolte: That’s lovely. Now let’s get out of here… You then get taken back to Guy’s house as the scene fades to black. Congrats! You’ve cleared all of chapter 8! |
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Come visit me and my thought processes at my website: http://www.publishedauthors.net/tdotdw/news.html "In the cold light, justice and morality always look corny and you can't wave the flag and look cool. But like it or not, society needs its heroes." - John Hart; actor who played The Lone Ranger. | |
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| Dietaku | Jan 24 2009, 01:01 AM Post #10 |
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Grade A /B/tard
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NEW PART! WOOTWOOT! Chapter 9-Hidden in the Cosmos! --Bolte’s Quest— You might do this one without even knowing it. Go into the Dehydration Inducing Desert. There, you’ll see a moving shadow. Enter it, which is harder than you think, as it tries to evade you. My best advice for this is that the shadow cannot leave the screen, so your best bet is to trap it in a corner using some feints. Once you do so, you’ll be teleported into a new area. Guy: What the hell happened? Starr: Some kind of teleportation tunnel must have opened up beneath us! Roth: But where are we? Bolte: I smell some ancient magic here. (An old man warps in front of the party) Tim: Another ninja? Old Man: Not quite….I am Baron Munchausen. What brings you to my relam? Guy: That old man who helped Uncle summon Holstein? You bastard! Munchausen: Not quite, either, pudding warrior! (He snaps his fingers and Guy collapses in pain amid a shower of sparks) Starr: Guy! Are you all right? Guy: I dunno. My body just felt all wrong, for some reason Bolte: Why are you doing this, Munchausen? You already summoned Holstein and got your wish. Just fight us already! Munchausen: Not yet, young scion of the Toruble Clan. I have some important information for you scattered across the whole of my Mansion here. I’d like you to find them. Then, I shall battle you, as you wish. (Munchausen warps away) Guy: Well, Bolte…Looks like this one is on, you! Bolte: (Sigh) Being Royalty is such a burden! Guy: Whatever…. This next dungeon, The House of Cosmos is one of the odder dungeons in AQ3, but my personal favorite for reasons you’ll soon see. Your party gets mixed up here, as Bolte MUST take point, lest your party suffer from continuous damage akin to poisoning unless you switch it (Thankfully the game switches it for you after the FMV) Form here, it’s a simple maze, with some twists. You can only use magic to fight here, and the maze stops every so often to offer some puzzle. These puzzles change from level to level, so be sure to look out for them. My only complaint is that the constant techno blaring in the background may grate on your nerves. It sure did for me after about ten minutes. Anyways, the first level’s puzzles are simple addition block puzzles. Move the numbers around to get the correct sum. For those of you who are retarded, these are ten, sixteen, and four hundred. Go to the stairs, and you’ll get your first bit of info. “In the beginning of the World, existed the Gold Tribe. They were the first, and Creation bowed to them as Masters.” Bolte: Something in my head is talking! Guy: Oh? Nixx: (Straight-faced) I hear it, too. It commands me…to get naked! (Bolte punches Nixx) The next level has some jumping timing puzzles to do. Nothing too bad. If you mess up, you start over a ways back from the puzzle you began at until you finish it. Complete it, and move on to get the next bit of info. “The Gold Tribe lived in harmony with its followers, the Iron Men, and the Iron Men loved them, for the Golden Tribe worked miracles the Iron Men could only dream of.” Bolte: This again? Guy: Does anyone have any pills? Starr: Let me check…. Bolte: I’m fine, I’m fine! The third level is a step up, with more enemies showing up, especially the nasty little buggers, the Eudemonia, which will cast “Pleasant Haze” on a character, rendering them stupid for exactly three turns. If the battle ends and they still haven’t gotten to the end of the three turns, it stays around. However, to make up for this, the puzzles are a platformer style minigame, akin to Nyantendu’s Super Weegee Brothers games. In fact, Bolte is rendered in the same retro style that Weegee and Mayru are known for. The object in the minigame is to acquire a silver key, which is scattered around the level somewhere. Some are easy to get, others hard. However, you should be able to see them all relatively easily. After going past the first two minigames, you’re treated to an FMV when you get the third silver key. 8-Bit Bolte: (Opens chest) (Bolte Receives a….Boss?) 8-Bit Bolte: !!! Boss (A big Dragon-octopus…thing, which squeals in a midi chip tune which is SUPPSOED to sound like a roar, but actually is more of a squeak): RAAAAAWR!!! --Boss Battle-- Final Thunder Triple Draggon Thunder Triple Draggon x1 Final Thunders x3 Thunder Triple Draggon LP: 35000 Final Thunder LP: 7601 This isn’t a hard boss, even with your party all retro-ified. Use your strongest moves, and cream this sucker, being sure to take out the Final Thunders first, otherwise the “Draggon” only respawns, to not only receive the silver key, but also another tidbit. “The only crack in the Gold Tribe’s dream of perfection was the rising star of the Gold Tribe, Holste. A powerful sorceress, she thought to use her powers to make herself a God. However, her kin would not accept such an outcome.” Bolte: What? Does that mean? Guy: (She’s lost it) Nixx: You kidding me? It’s even easier to bag a crazy bitch than a sane one! Guy: O_O Once you reach the stairs, you get another tidbit. “The Gold Tribe and those who allied themselves to Holste waged terrible war. The whole of creation was rent asunder, and the Veil between this world and the Beyond, that awful realm of OTHERNESS, was ripped to shreds, allowing Angels and Devils to roam freely. Knowing what they had to do, the remaining Golden Tribes sacrificed their grace to invoke powerful magics. These “Lost Masters” sealed their powers into their chosen ones, the Pudding Clan, entrusting them with defeating Holste, for they were inimical to her power. They then retreated to the edges of creation, to regain their lost power.” Bolte:!!!!! The Pudding Warriors were MADE?!? Guy: Wut? Bolte: Nothing The next level looks like a level straight out of Terror (Well, Terror 2, actually. Although, who really can tell the difference, right?) As such, it’s in classic FPS style, with you slinging spells as your weapons. Even without a up/down axis, it should be easy to bag a bonus on this minigame in addition to getting the silver key, you can get a free stockpile of thirty(!) Mega Dengaku. “The Pudding Clan performed beyond the wildest dreams of the Lost Masters, who sat proudly as they crushed her forces, and sent Holste, now the accursed Holstein, into the Beyond to fend for herself. However, soon, whispers in the minds of the Pudding Clan, who ruled Creation, spoke of a Magical Goddess who could grant wishes. And the whole of Creation wept as History repeated itself…..” Bolte: O_O I’d suggest saving at the Save State on the stairway before going up, as you’ll soon meet the boss. Bolte: What the hell was all that? (She sees a massive mural replete with blue haired people, with shining golden auras commanded a group of smaller sprites, who all curiously look like Guy, against what is obviously Holstein and her minions) Guy: They all have blue hair Tim: You gotta have blue hair! (All the others stare at him) Tim: What? Munchausen: Did you enjoy that history lesson, Bolte? Bolte: What did you do to me? And all that, about the Gold Tribe, and the Pudding Clan being made? And Holste? Is that all true? Guy: Pudding Clan being made? What? Munchausen: It’s all true. And I needed to tell you all this, for you are one of us. You see, after Holstein returned, one of the Lost Masters, feeling remorse for what she did, travelled with the original pudding Hero, Hiro, and assisted in putting her down. Later, she coupled with Deima, that insane Sorceress, and this coupling produced the Toruble Clan of Kings, from which you are a child of. Nixx: Hawt. But how does that make kids? Deima: Hehehehe, I was drunk, if I recall correctly, and magic was involved….. Munchausen: In any case, I need you ready to stop her once and for all. All the motions are in place. You could do what I and my associates could not. Bolte: Okay, then. We owe you an asskicking, anyways! --Boss Battle— Munchausen the Damned Munchausen LP: 50000 Munchausen is a NIGHTMARE, not only does he reveal himself to actually look like something out of a girl’s porn magazine (All lanky and muscley, with red highlights in his hair.) He possesses all level 3 offensive magics, along with the special tech, “Fantasy Rave,” a non-elemented magical attack which will drop all your party’s LP to one, which he can finish off with a well placed Light-2 or whatnot. I suggest to cast as much defensive buffs as you can, and proceed to rail on him with your best moves, which should hopefully kill him in three turns. If not, then he’ll use “FINAL SEAL” Which kills a character each of his turns until the entire party is dead. Its cool, you can do it! Munchausen: You have passed, Bolte….Now I must bequeath upon you, your latent magical power…. Bolte: no, don’t die! You should have told me you looked like this before! (Flashes him) Here, come on! I want you! Munchausen: Sorry, Bolte. No amount of cleavage can heal me now. But before I go (Pokes her in the head) (Bolte gains the Choudenji Spin Spell!) Bolte: Munchausen! Munchausen: Goodbye….my niece…..Bolte Aretha Constans Toruble….(DEAD) Guy: Okay….What’s it with Bolte’s uncles and being prickish boss characters? Deima: Well, technically, he was her great-great uncle, but you raise a valid point. Bolte: (Eyes flash) CHOUDENJI SPIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN! Guy: FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWK!!! (Blown away) Bolte: Don’t mess with Royalty, knave! Congrats! You beat Bolte’s mission! When you finish this, you get the Water Talisman. --Deima’s Mission— Technically, you don’t NEED to do this, as Deima gains her ultimate move, Hissastsu Zeikei Suki, on her own at level 59, but doing this mission WILL net you her best possible stave as well, so it’s good to do. To start this mission, go back to the area where you recruited Deima, and she’ll mention in passing that she left her good staff back at her home. Go into Lucidah’s Manse again, and notice that the dancing demons are gone. This also allows you access to another, hidden door on the first screen. To locate it, you have to do a tapping minigame and locate the “hollow” area. Then use Starr’s special action to blow the wall up and enter the next dungeon, the Aero Spire! --Aero Spire— Ah, Aero Spire, identical to the Phantom Castle of AQ1. What? You never played AQ1? You poor misguided soul. The trick with Aero Spire lies in that it is effectively straightforward, but therein lies its evil twist, as there are blades swinging across the small rock areas you can walk across. If you mistime the jumps, you not only take a large amount of damage, you have to START ALL OVER. Well, until you get to the fourth screen. Then you get to restart back at the second screen instead. There are no enemies to speak of, Just evil blades, which speed up as you progress further into the dungeon, until you meet a purple blob blocking your path. Deima: Oh, its you, Phantom. Let me past, please. Phantom: No, Mistress. I cannot. Deima: Why in hell not? Phantom: Because I am feeling like an ass. Also, how do I know that you are the REAL Mistress, HMMM? Deima: Who else doesn’t wear pants or a skirt in public, Phantom? Phantom: Hm. True, but the fact remains. I still feel like an ass. Deima: Your funeral Phantom; I’M ALREADY DEAD! --Boss Fight-- Phantom LP: 34000 Phantom is a joke compared to the heavyweights you’ve been squaring off against, as the programmers were lazy and gave him the EXACT SAME STATS as he had when he appeared in AQ1, which you can abuse by spamming Dark attacks, which were not present in AQ1, meaning his resistance to them is zero. Ream him for the win. Phantom: (Cough, cough) Okay, its you. Welcome home, Mistress. Deima: That’s more like it! Continue on, and once again, you meet another blob, this one being blue. Deima: Hi Ghost. Will you let me through? Ghost: No, Mistress. You keep leaving out your porn and beer bottles, and who has to clean that up? Phantom? Pffffft! It’s me! So, I must ask you to kindly shove your request up your cooter today. Deima: Do you guys want to die THAT BADLY? Ghost: We’re dead Deima: I KNOW. --Boss Fight-- Ghost LP: 40000 Slightly harder than Phantom, but only just. The Programmers must have realized that putting in old stats makes for poor bosses, so he absorbs Dark Attacks. However, this makes him vulnerable to Light attacks. Once again, ream him for the win. Ghost: AAAAAGAH!!!! Sorry, Mistress! I’ll be good from now on! Deima; I forgive you. Now, back to the kitchen! Ghost: Yes, mistress! Continue on until you reach the stone area with both Ghost and Phantom present. Deima: Are you two boys feeling nicer now? Phantom: Now? Ghost: Now. Phantom and Ghost: FUH-SHUN!! (They fuse into an orange lob) Orange Blob: Taste the combined wrath of Ghostam! Deima: (snicker) Ghostam LP: 50000 HOLY. SHIT. This is quite a reversal. Despite both of his fusion bits being lame, this guy can hit HARD for fire and water damage. I suggest busting out Creamsicle form for Guy, and blasting them with Choudenji Spin for Bolte. Quale Nightmare works wonders too, if Roth is in your party. Just anything that deals massive damage is welcome here, as they power up with each turn, making killing them early a must. (Ghost and Phantom now have comical bandages all over their ethereal bodies) Deima: I guess this is my fault for summoning help from the Beyond. And after all I did for you two! (Deima bursts out into a sob) Ghost: I feel like a complete ass right now Phantom; We’re sorry, Mistress! What can we do for you? Deima: Well, well…..Can you get me my old staff? Ghost: Of course! (Ghost presents Deima with the AULA Stave.) Deima: Aw, good boys! Now, I won’t have to spit you over hellfire now! Ghost: Hell…. Phantom: Fire…? Deima: Well, I need to go now. Keep an eye on things, okay boys? Ghost and Phantom: Oh-okay….. Phantom: She scares me…. Ghost: Me, too…. Phantom: Wanna tape wrestling over her porn? Ghost: I bet she wouldn’t even notice….So, yeah! And with Deima regaining her AULA staff, she regains her ultimate ability, Hissastsu Zeikei Suki, a move which can IK bosses, but is so expensive, that you can only do it on an average of twice before needing to refill your MP. You can then go on into the room behind Phantom and Ghost, and look around Deima’s dismally messy living quarters. Look around her bookshelf for an amusing animation. Especially good is if Bolte is on point. (SO HAWT.) Once you’ve had enough fun at Deima’s expense, go to the door at the end of the room to teleport back into First Town. Congrats! You finished the penultimate chapter! You’re almost done! |
| "SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE!!" | |
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3:18 PM Dec 6
