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| Mystery Fanfic Theater 2020; Bad fanfiction - Worse commentary | |
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| Topic Started: Jul 6 2008, 04:42 PM (36 Views) | |
| Sean | Jul 6 2008, 04:42 PM Post #1 |
The ⑥of Four Against Nature
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Mystery Fanfic Theater 2020: Commentators: Sean and Jeff Editor: Sean (Also, Because of timestamps, there is a very slight possibility something got cut off. Either that or it's because this fanfic fails hard. Episode 2 won't have this problem.) It all began with the two comedic, if not perverted young men, Jeff and Sean. They were driving to the Diner in order to obtain one of the things they love so much, food. However, on the way they wound up in a small accident. And by small, I mean they were hit head on by a semi and painfully crushed to death. What happened after that is rather obvious if you know these two well. They went straight to hell. That's where the story begins: *The Gates of Hell* Jeff: That's the last time I let you drive my car, dude. Sean: Yeah, yeah. The important thing is that we're alive, right? ????: Yeeeaah....about that. Sean: ...Who said that? Jeff: The guy behind you that looks like Satan? ????: I AM Satan, you fool. Sean: Whut? Satan: That's right. You're in hell. You AREN'T alive. Sean: ....*whimper* Jeff: B...but we're in HELL? Do we really deserve to be in hell?! Satan: *takes out a large sheet of paper reaching down to the floor and about one mile along the floor* Where do I begin? Jeff and Sean: .... Satan: You know, about 90% of these are because of your perverted nature, right? Sean: Wh..what could we have done that was THAT bad? Satan: Must I bring up the incident 12 years ago with the glass and the sonic vibrator? Sean: Okay, I get the point, we deserve this. Jeff: So..what now? Satan: I can't let this go unpunished, you know. Jeff: ....what are you gonna do to us. Satan: I will allow you to pick between one of three things. Sean: ...right. Satan: 1. Read horrible fanfiction. Sean: .... Satan: 2. Read comments on grouphug.us. Jeff: ..... Satan: and finally 3. Reading 4chan threads. and not on the worksafe boards. Sean and Jeff: ...so, we'll get right on those fanfiction, sir! Satan: I figured as much. Follow me. *Some room* Satan: This is where you two will be staying for eternity. I'll be throwing fanfics your way whenever I feel like it. Sorta like Mystery Science Theater 3000. Sean: I guess that's why they call it Mystery Fanfic Theater 2020. 4th Wall: MY SPLEEN! Satan: Well, seeya later. *walks out, singing* Now keep in mind they can't control when the fanfics start or end.... Fanfic 1: Suna the Hedgehog Sean: So...when do you think we'll get our first fanfic? Jeff: It could be any time... in the meantime, they were at least kind enough to give us a nice little pad... at least it's liveable... so to speak Sean: Yeah...*about to take a sip of his orange soda* *Alarm goes off* Sean: Dammit. Jeff: That's our cue! To the fanfic viewing room! Sean: *Sighs and runs over to the viewing room* I wish we had some robot friends right now. Jeff: *Rushes to his seat, on the right* Me too, but in the meantime, we'll do what we can. Sean: So what's the fanfic for today? *recieves paper* ...Suna the Hedgehog? Oh %^*@, we're starting with a Sonic the Hedgehog Fanfiction? Jeff: ... well, the title itself worries me. Let's put it up on the big screen. I guess we can go paragraph at a time. Sean: Well, it starts with a list of the character's ages....the canonity of them is debatable at best. ------ SONIC'S CHARTHERS: Sonic the hedgehog:15 Chris torndake:18 Shadow the hedgehog:15 Helen:17 Amy Rose:12 Daniel:17 Knuckles the echidna:16 Mr. and Miss torndake:unknown Miles "Tails" Prower:8 Mr. tanaka:unkown Rouge the Bat:17 Ella:unkown Cream the Rabbit:6 Chuck:61 Cheese the Chao:unknow Eggman:55 DIFFERENT CHARTHERS: Suna the hedgehog:15 Tena Snowa:32 Edward Tokenlaka:15 Dane Snowa:34 ------ Jeff: Huh. In spite of being encapsulated for ~50 years, Shadow's only 15! Sean: Yeah....this just sets the tone Jeff: Hey! This is talking about charters! I know all about charters. Jeff: The Anglo-Saxon Charter, Municple Charter, project charters... Sean: Now now Jeff, I'm sure you'll have plenty of opportunities to bash the spelling. ---- Suna the hedgehog Chapter: 1 The beginning of an Adventure ---- Jeff: As opposed to beginning with the END of the adventure Sean: Yay for generic chapter names. Oh wait, no yay. Sean: Seriously, that's pretty plain. Jeff: The author insert is 15. Are we to assume the author IS 15 or that she wishes she was 15? Sean: I'm not checking her profile. Jeff: Meh. I'll worry about thoroughly bashing all that later. One with the show! Sean: Also, it doesn't help her case that her name is ShadowGirl101. Sean: Her alias, anyway Jeff: That's as creative as "Shadow" or "Dark1" or "Shade" or... oops... Sean: You're so fired. Jeff: Next paragraph! ---- Hi my name is Molly Snowa I’m 15 years old but I used to be human until when I was 5 years old something happen to me a boy push me where a machine can turn you into an animal and when he did I got transform into a hedgehog it was the worse day if my life and it already been 10 years since I got turn into a hedgehog but then one day I got to see that I was not alone because I saw someone that looked just like me and it started when my aunt Ella was getting ready to see me and my mom coming from flora town to Station Square that is when aunt Ella was getting ready to meet us. ---- Sean: ...why were they playing near a machine that turns humans into animals? Jeff: Where's the end of that sentence? Jeff: That's ONE sentence. Jeff: Look! Look! One sentence. And why are only half the nouns capitalized? Sean: Oh god that's a huge run-on sentence. Jeff: I could sit here and harp on the sentence structure and grammar all day, but why was there randomly a machine that could turn people into animals and why were teenagers let near it? Jeff: And why a hedgehog? It boggles the mind... Sean: They were five when it happened Sean: Which is just worse. Sean: Moving along.... ---- "Uh no I’m not ready yet and yet there coming umm why does Tena have to called right away when she has to called when she is on her way umm oh great and I'm not even ready yet awww" "What's wrong Ella you been running around like crazy here and yet your taking you day off what's the problem" when Sonic show up seeming Ella working so hard. "Ohhh Sonic I'm busy right now because my sister Tena and my niece Molly shows up and there here today she called right away when she was here and aww I need to get ready before they come" ---- Sean: .... Sean: Jeff, what are the funny words on screen? Jeff: Well... it's not German, Gaelic, English, Latin, Italian, French or Japanese that much is for sure. Sean: All I grasped is that some members of the Mary Sue's family are coming to visit or something like that. Jeff: Look, I know in the dub Ella has a heavy accent. But is her saying "aww" trying to say "all" or are my eyes just bleeding too badly to make it out yet? Sean: Wait, I'm trying to piece this together and...what? Are they Ella's relatives or Molly's? The dialogue implies Ella's but the last name implies Molly's. So strike several points for severe inconsistancy. Jeff: Did Ella have a last name? Sean: ..I don't think so. Jeff: I'm just confused. Let's move along and maybe this'll make sense later... (maybe...) ---- "Well what me to help then Ella?" "No you can't because they never heard of you Sonic and I don't what Tena and Molly screaming there heads off so you say out if it and let me do what I have to do ok?" "Well all right since you say so as long Shadow won’t show up to get the Chaos Emeralds alright?" ---- Sean: Stupid fanfic machine....*Kicks it* It's not spacing properly and making things even worse for us. Sean: Also, is Shadow supposed to be an antagonist here? Jeff: And why is Sonic randomly bringing him up? Jeff: And, seriously, is "Tena" pronounced like "Ten-ahh" or "Tee-nah"? Sean: I don't know. I think the author is assuming that we're supposed to know all the backstory of this. In all fairness, I didn't check if there was a prequel to this. Sean: No. No there is not. Jeff: And I don't think I care to. Sean: The only other thing she has is a NiGHTS fanfic Jeff: Oh, great. Well, let's move on. ---- "Well ok but don't let him show up in a time like this alright?" So my mom was driving the car over to the Torndake's place when I was sleeping on the back sleeping like the end of tomorrow but yet that's when I didn’t know what was going on and all that I do know is that we where going to the Torndakes place but man it like a mansion with a big place like this you can even get lost on that house but yet mom ring the door bell and I was still asleep like I was very,very tried. ---- Sean: ....where do I begin? Jeff: A scene change as subtle as "Pod People" and a plot about as coherent. If this is SUPPOSED to be from a first-person perspective, why does she know what Ella and Sonic are doing? Sean: Also, I laugh at the sentence "I was still asleep like I was very,very tried" Jeff: Very try! Sean: Seriously, why the redundancy? Jeff: And who are these... "Torndakes"... you speak of? Last time I checked the dub said they were the "Thorndykes"... ---- "Oh miss Snowa good to see you again how is everything going at flora town?" said Mr.Tanaka with a nice smile as usual "Oh Mr. Tanaka what a wonderful surprise I'm looking for my sister Ella is she here?" "Oh yes she is here I'll go get here right away." "Oh and can you give me a favor can you carry my daughter Molly to the house she's sound asleep and I don't what to wake her up can you do that for me please?" "Yes I will Miss.Snowa I get her right away and go get your sister please come in if you please," "Yes I will" So Mr.Tanaka carry Molly to the house and to go get Ella and tell her that we where here. ---- Sean: ....I don't know how they're related to each other at all and my brain is already starting to melt. Sean: This is what? Chapter 1 out of 11? Jeff: At the very least, Tanaka is in-character. Jeff: Even if there's a random and unnecessary break in his dialogue flow. ---- "Ella your sister Tena and your niece Molly is here!" said Mr.Tanaka besides going to her he yelled at her at the living room where to big screen T.V is with speakers. "Ok I'm on my way is she inside already?" "Yes and so is your niece Molly who is sleeping and very heavy" "Ok I'll go see her right away" So my aunt Ella went to go see my mom but when Mr.Tanaka was going to put me where I can sleep at chuck called him for help. "Mr.Tanaka I need help with my stuff up here in my room can you give me an hand here!!" "...Umm..." Mr.Tanaka didn't know what to do. Put me where I can sleep or go help chuck with something but then he thought that he can place me on the sofa and go to chuck so now I feel much better on a nice sofa. ---- Jeff: Why must they keep reminding us that Molly is the niece and Tena is the sister? Saying it once or twice would be sufficient... Jeff: Did he just call Molly fat? Sean: ...I think that was a subtle way of doing it. Sean: about as subtle as a punch to the face maybe. Jeff: Well, if they're Ella's relatives, I guess that makes sense. Jeff: And, hey, if this includes BBWs, maybe it won't be so bad... right? Right? *sighs* Sean: No chance, bro. ---- "Sonic I want to see my program already I don't want to miss it please?" crying Cream "Chao Chao" and cheese "Well ok but be careful alright Ella sister and her niece is here so if you see them turn off the T.V and hind alright?" "Alright" "Chao Chao Chao!" So Cream and her chao cheese went to the living room but when she has "Ekkkkk!" "Cream, Cheese?" Sonic went on the run to go see what happen and when he did he saw Cream and Cheese they point at me sound asleep on a sofa. "Sonic she sleeping in our couch and she look dead!" ---- Sean: ..Ekkkkk? Jeff: This is getting a bit tough to follow. Who is speaking the "Chao Chao" part in that first sentence? And why is she both "sleeping in our couch..." and "look dead"? Sean: Guh...I'm assuming it's Cheese doing the "Chao Chao" since it is infact a Chao. Although if he\she\it does that all through the story I will punch someone in the face. Probably you. Jeff: In case you forgot - that won't do much. I'm dead. Sean: It'll still hurt, I'd assume. Jeff: I hope not. Next paragraph! ---- "Chao Chao!" "You two she sound asleep I guess she mush have gone to sleep when she was here and driving on the way over here then you two don't worry about you can still watch your show but keep it down ok I don't want her to wake up and see you alright?" "Well alright where keep it down for her" "Chao Chao" but then when Cream and Cheese where going to watch there show and Sonic go do what he always do Shadow show up and saw Cream and cheese watching there show but ending up leaving the living room where I was sleeping So Shadow jump into the living room to find the Chaos Emeralds but then he heard Ella and Tena walking into the living room so he hind behind the sofa where no one can see him. ---- Sean: *Punches Jeff in the face* Jeff: G'ungh!!! Ish shtill hurtsh... Jeff: And now, Shadow is breaking and entering... Sean: Shadow enters rather abruptly and steals the Chaos Emeralds. Why, I have no freakin' clue. Sean: Or is looking for them at least. ---- Ella I'm sorry but you have to keep my daughter here for now on for a prose reason please Ella you have to" "I don't know Tena it won't be a good idea for her to stayed here what if she has friends over there and she misses them so much" "Ella she doesn't have any friends that the problem so please keep her here" "Well why then why do you want me to keep her here when she has you" Tena was stock to see what she said but she has no choice but to show her why see have to say here with Ella while Shadow was still listening "I can show you why Ella" when she walk up to me when I was sleeping she took off the watch that I hade to keep me human besides hedgehog I transform into a hedgehog and Ella was looking she was stock to find out why and so was Shadow finding out that she look just like him but in different color. ---- Sean: ...a prose reason? Jeff: A prose reason! Sean: Also, how did she obtain a watch that allows her to change between forms at will? Jeff: "And it is for this reason, my dear sister, that Molly must stay here for a spell, and use this watch like a Kamen Rider, to change forms like they did, in that tanked BattleToads cartoon" Sean: Such a masterpiece. Jeff: She asks for a "prose" reason, I give her an "a-prose-priate" response Sean: Ugh. This really IS hell. Sean: Moving on.... ---- "That is way Ella she's a hedgehog and there's a boy over where I lived and he won't leave her along so I have decided to leave her here with you but I'm leaving tomorrow and she's staying here with you so please Ella can you keep her here Please?" "Alright I'll keep her here but does she know about this?" "Yes Ella and she does but I'm staying at a hotel so all if her stuff will be here and you can find a room for her to stay with ok?" "Alright but be careful on your way home alright?" ---- Sean: ...Who's supposed to be talking in this part? Jeff: I wish we could all be left along. I also wish I had a clairvoyent space brain like Yahtzee said. Sean: I'm assuming this is how the girl winds up hanging out with Sonic and Friends. So, how much are you willing to bet she's going to outclass every other character in typical Mary-Sue fashion? Jeff: I dunno. We'll have to wait a see. ---- "Alright Ella, Suna good-bye I will miss you and you can go ahead and send me a letter to me or you father ok will good-bye Suna the hedgehog" "Umm Suna the hedgehog? What happen to Molly Snowa?" "Well when she gotten transform we change her named to Molly Snowa to Suna the hedgehog we let her think of a named for her but yet good-bye Ella take good care of her" "I will Tena I will" when Ella and my mother left crying good-bye to me back to her hotel Shadow toke a closer look at me I have black and light blue specks, light blue hover shoes with high hills, and light blue hair band, white gloves with light blue ring on me and a nice light blue dress with a belt that doesn't match my clothes. But then when Sonic walk buy the living room he saw Shadow and he thought that he was looking for the Chaos Emeralds that he wanted. ---- Sean: So her name changes in coorespondance to her form? That's gotta be confusing. Jeff: Why would you change your name just because of ONE freak accident? It's like Nogami Ryoutarou -> Kamen Rider Den-O or some such nonsense. How much you wanna bet her hedgehog form is some kinda super henshin? Sean: Time will only tell that one. Also, Shadow is busted. Finally, I think we're getting into some action! Jeff: Wait Jeff: Why does Molly--excuse me- "Suna"... have hover-shoes like Shadow? Jeff: It's somewhat implied Gerald Robotnik made those for Shadow Sean: Fanfic Authors never follow the canon. Are you surprised? Jeff: I shouldn't be. Sean: Anyways, let's get to the action! ---- "Shadow what are you doing here in a time like this?" "Sonic what a surprise I thought you won't be here right now so I decided to let myself in" "Oh really well you thought wrong... hey who she last time I remember it was Ella niece not a hedgehog" "It is her she was Transform into a hedgehog when she was young I guess but you know she look just like me" "Oh yeah she does expect she's a girl" when Sonic and Shadow was talking to each other Cream and Cheese came back with Amy and Tails but then they saw Shadow but not Suna. "SHADOW IT'S YOU YOUR HERE FOR THE CHAOS EMERALDS ARE YOU, YOU NOT GETTING THEM FORM US!!" Said Amy yelling "Yeah you can't have them" and tails but then when they where yelling I was waking up ---- Sean: .................................................... Jeff: She does expect she's a girl... Jeff: Well, I should hope so Sean: So Sonic is just.." O hai shadow" Even though they're supposed to be...I dunno....STOPPING HIM?! Jeff: And then they just... make small talk Sean: WHAT THE FIRETRUCK?! Jeff: Y-O-U-R =/= Y-O-U-'-R-E. Jeff: And, again, this is a 1st-person perspective story, yet she's speaking like a omniscient 3rd-person narrator... Sean: Also. NO U SHADOW. YOU NOT GETTING THE CHAOS EMERALDS. Sean: Also yes. More points taken off for changing perspective. I hate that. Sean: Moving along.... ---- "Grrrr HEY KEEP IT DOWN WELL YA I'M TRYING TO SLEEP HERE AND ALL I'M HEARD WAS SOMETHING ABOUT A CHAOS EMERALDS SO KEEP YOU VOICES DOWN THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!" but when I didn't see them I open my eyes and saw a fox, a bunny with a old looking flea and three hedgehog "What the who are you guys I thought my mom was taking me to the Torndakes place not someone else’s awww what happen to me where's my watch I thought I have it on but I'm on my hedgehog form aww man mom where did you put my watch?" "Well for starters my named is Amy Rose and this is Tails, Cream and her chao Cheese, Sonic and Shadow but second of all who are you and what do you mean hedgehog form anyway?" said Amy so confuse with all this. "Well my named is Suna the hedgehog and the reason why I say hedgehog form because I used to be human but somebody push my to a machine that can turn you into an animal and that happen to me and my watch can keep me being human and when I take it off I turn into this so now you know?" ---- Sean: And so the author insert meets...some of the cast. Jeff: They're being very relaxed and natural about this whole ordeal Sean: And she right away reveals what I assume was supposed to be a secret. Maybe it's not supposed to be? I dunno, I can't keep up with this incoherent piece of crap. Jeff: The complete lack of punctuation makes this very hard to keep up with. And the girl - Suna-Molly or Muny or whatever - has impressive lung capacity... Sean: I'm assuming that's a jab at the immense amount of run-on sentences in this story? Jeff: *nod* Sean: Fair enough. Jeff: Spellcheck - apply directly to the fanfic ---- "Yeah now we know" "Ohhh that what explains about what happen to you now because Cream and Cheese where here and we only saw you as human not hedgehog and don't worry you are not in a different house your at the Torndakes place" "Ohhh that what explains about what happen to you now because Cream and Cheese where here and we only saw you as human not hedgehog and don't worry you are not in a different house your at the Torndakes place" "Oh well that's good well for you guys I guess I'm going to see you a lot because I'm not going home because my mom thought it well be nice to live here with my aunt Ella" "Ella so you’re her niece that she was talking about?" said Tails surprise "Yes and I'm going to miss my mom so much but yet that's life but anyways what a chaos emerald?" when they where telling me about it Aunt Ella show up and saw me talking to them "Suna you’re awake already?" "Aunt Ella it so nice to see you again did mom left already?" "Yes she did and it seems like you are enjoys talking them I see" ---- Sean: Is there really anything noteworthy here? Jeff: Apart from the massacre of my native tongue? Not particularly... ---- "Yes Ella I am but yet I'm surprise that I'm not the only one here and I thought I was going to be along with Chris and specking if Chris where is he anyway?" "He's at his lab fixing up a machine that can take them us back home to where we lived" "Oh well that's to bad he's not here right now I thought he might be here but it's nice is meet you guys and I'm surprise that there's someone that look just like me" "Yeah well it's happen so I guess I'll see you around Sonic" "Alright see ya Shadow and don't get those Chaos emeralds" "I'll still do but for now later Sonic the hedgehog" so Shadow left back to his place but yet I was having a good time with Ella's good friends ---- Sean: ...so this is taking place in Seasons 1 and 2 of the show I assume? Jeff: We all like to speck of Chris - the nation's pasttime! Sean: lulz. Sean: Also, I love how they just let Shadow go away with a warning "don't get the chaos emeralds" Jeff: And apparently they like randomly saying Ella's name too... Sean: Yeah.... Jeff: Well, on with the show, I guess ---- "Oh yeah say Suna have you ever been to Sliver Valley before?" "No but I heard that is it nice place over there way?" "Well since you haven't been there what me to take you there today?" "Sure thing Sonic I well like that very much" So me and Sonic went to Sliver Valley and that’s when I have an awesome Adventure with Sonic and his friends. ---- Sean: This ends Chapter 1 Sean: and it's setting up for the supposed awesome Adventure. Jeff: Where on God's green Earth is "Sliver Valley"? Sean: No bloody clue. Jeff: I guess it's just a "Sliver" of the "awesome Adventure" Sean: haha oh wow I didn't even notice that typo. Jeff: Spellcheck, apply directly to the fanfic. Spellcheck, apply directly to the fanfic. Spellcheck, apply directly to the *Tails Doll comes down* OKAY! OKAY! I'M DONE! *It zips back into the ceiling* Whew~ Sean: *ulp* Sean: Moving on to Chapter 2: The beautiful day at sliver valley. Jeff: Because we can't come up with better chapter names on a budget lower than Manos'. ---- So Sonic and I where almost there to sliver but before we left aunt Ella thought that it will be nice to have a picnic over there down by the river but Amy got real mad at me and told me some rules and it was about Sonic "Ok before you two go I want to ask you some rules for you one you keep your hands off of my Sonic, second you don't go all goggle eyes on Sonic and last but not lest If you ever and I mean ever going to kiss him I well hurt you forever If you ever do that ok?" said Amy with a angry look on her. "Ok but you know I well never do that because where friends now and I can tell that you really and really do like Sonic like he was your boyfriend" "Yes that true but yet I hope you do have a good time there at sliver valley because I have been there a lot and it is a Beautiful place for you to go alright Suna?" "Well alright but I well remember those rules you told me but what happen If Sonic do that?" "If he does you hurt him or I well hurt him ok?" "Well ok If you say so" So aunt Ella got the everything that we needed and left to sliver valley. ---- Sean: I think they exaggerated Amy's obsession with Sonic just a little bit. Jeff: So, now they're just going to "sliver". Not "Sliver Valley"? Sean: ...wow. Jeff: Maybe it's just a... "SLIVER" of the valley! Sean: *HAMMER* Jeff: OWWW! Sean: ENOUGH! MOVING ALONG Jeff: Hey, wait Jeff: I just realized something deeply profound Sean: ...mmyes? Jeff: What's "Suna" spelled backwards? Sean: ....ol0lz Jeff: ... next paragraph! ----- But then at a strange island where a man named Dr.Eggman lives he was up to something bad for Sonic of course "Hmmm I woulder which robot I can use to defect Sonic that annoying hedgehog that always get in my way, pretty soon I well get those chaos emeralds away from Sonic and take over station square hahahah but steel which robot well I used hmm" "Dr. you cards" "Oh yes thank you bengon hmm on I know what to do" So Eggman used on of his machine to choose his robot to get ride of Sonic "Oh yes a crab a big one that well do and I know where sliver valley river" So Eggman and his robot left his island and was going to sliver valley where Sonic was going to take Suna. ---- Sean: ....GIANT ENEMY CRAB Jeff: He wants to defect Sonic, because apparently they were on the same team at one point! Jeff: And, again, 1st person narratives aren't supposed to be omniscient. Who does she think she is? Jeff: And who's "bengon"? And how long as he... BEN GON?! Sean: *UMBRELLA WHACK* Jeff: AGONY! Sean: Also, do we need to reiterate the point that Sonic and Anu..er..Suna are going to Sliver Valley? Jeff: More accurately, they appear to be headed to the Sliver Valley River, which would make an awesome band name. Sean: Shall we move on? Jeff: Sure. ---- So Sonic and Suna finally was there at the beautiful place of sliver valley with the trees, the nice river and the beautiful flowers. "Wow Sonic sliver valley is beautiful it almost like you can't leave this place" "Eh I told you it looks like a nice place to be at it look like that everything over here look like a beauty so are you ready to go look around sliver valley?" "Yeah I'm ready but first let's look for a place to eat just in case we get hungry" "True so let's do that and go look around sliver valley I can show you where the nice flowers are alright?" "Alright" So Sonic and Suna put there food where they can eat for later but they where not the only ones here Shadow was spying on them but for what? So Sonic was going to show Suna where he hangs out and he show her the most beautiful place he can even know. "Wow Sonic this is where you hang out where a lot of flowers are?" "Yeah and sometimes I give them to Cream to make out of them" "Cream can make things with the flowers?" "Yeah she can she can make hat or necklaces with flowers just nice beautiful flowers" "Wow well I guess she has really go talent on those flowers" "Yep she sere does" but then that is where Shadow was up on the hills looking at them but he was looking at Suna ---- Sean: Prediction: Shadow falls in love with Suna. Jeff: I was just thinking the same thing... Jeff: I mean, I can picture this somewhat in my mind, since I followed Sonic X nearly religiously, but there's still one oddity in my mind Jeff: Ever since Tanaka called her fat, I just keep picturing a BBW hedgehog... and there's something not right about that, frankly. Sean: Have we even gotten any real details of the character's appearance? Jeff: I mean, that sort of thing should be GOOD, not in... in... THIS! Jeff: I think she's wearing a blue dress, it said, and a belt. Jeff: But, still... ---- "Hmm I guess where not along I see Shadow is here two but why I better go check it Suna you say here I'll be right back alright?" "Umm ok" So Sonic went to go see what Shadow was up to and why he was following them the hold time. "Hey Shadow what are you doing here and why are you following us?" "Well Suna's mother Miss Snowa wanted to talk to her for one last time so when she saw me she told me to go look for her danther and tell her what she was going to tell her she's here at sliver valley so all what I have to do is that I have to take her to her mother for the last time" "So I see well go ahead go take her to her mother that's why they can talk together for the last time even thou I don't know if they are going to see each other again so you can take her to her mother alright Shadow?" "Well alright but it won’t be when they finish where do you wanted us to met at?" "At sliver Valley River" So Shadow was on his way to talk to Suna and he already did so now they both went where her mother Tena was wanting at. When Shadow and Suna already made there her mother was wanting to talk to her for one last time. ---- Jeff: I am so tired of the author changing perspectives so rampantly. Jeff: And who or what is "... her danther..."? Sean: Indeed. Anyways, stuff happens, Suna and her mother are gonna meet. What kind of name is Snowa anyway? Jeff: DAN DIGIVOLVED TO... DANTHER! Sean: Danther...dammit I was thinking the same thing Jeff: No wait! I get it! It's a portmanteau of DAN RATHER! Jeff: IT'S DAN RATHER! Sean: ...whut? Jeff: Y'know, the old anchor man from some news station nobody watches. Sean: ...riiiight. Is that it for this bit of story? Jeff: Might as well go to the chapter's end. Jeff: If we don't we might have to sleep next to a Tails Doll ---- "Hi mom" "Hi Suna having fun having a tour around sliver valley with Sonic?" "Yeah so was there something you wanted to tell me mom?" "Yes well two one don't tell anyone that I am your mother or that you are Ella's nises you have to start on your new adventure and your new future now but sometime you can't start thinking about me nor your father ok and last I wanted to give you something it was mine but now it yours, it's a locket that you can put you picture but only put a picture that you are in love with not me nor your father but the picture that you are in love with ok?" "Alright mom but I'm going to miss you so much" "Aww me two" they hug each other with there tears come down so Tena give Suna the locket but only when she was in love with and she left with there good-byes on there side and that's when the last time they ever met and Shadow confurt Suna "Oh and Shadow take good care also my danther Suna ok Good-bye" So Suna and Shadow saw her mother left back to her home and now they are going back where Sonic was saying at and Suna was getting hungry on the way so now they where on there way to sliver valley river. ---- Sean: So Suna is told not to acknowledge her family? or...something Jeff: Mama's saying "Sorry, sweetie, but now that you're an abomination to God's intelligent design, I'm going to deny you" Sean: poor, poor Suna. As if her name being Anus backwards wasn't bad enough Jeff: Mama didn't really love her. Think about it Jeff: 1) Her name is a backwards butt and 2) she just got TOLD that she's a freak and doesn't want to be associated with her Sean: Oh boy....moving on? Jeff: Yeah. ---- "Hey you guys your back alright how did everything go?" "Hmm alright Suna already talk to her mother and they already say there well good-byes" "Oh well heh well whose hungry I already got the picnic ready heh so Shadow you wana stay here for lunch?" "Well ok I guess I don't mind Suna?" "Umm yeah it well be great" So when they already finish there picnic food a big huge crap show up and attacked the three hedgehogs "Wha what was that?" "I don't know but I do know who it was" say Sonic "Grrrr it was the Dr. Where did he come form?" "Well well well if it esent Sonic and Shadow oh and who this another hedgehog ohohoh you look just like Shadow do you?" "You leave her along Eggman she have nothing to do with you" "Hmmm true but my robot does take them down E-200!! bwhahaha" ---- Sean: ....*HEAD* *HIT* *KEYBOARD* Jeff: Who is talking in this scene? Sean: I...don't....know Jeff: eSent! Next-generation e-mail! Sean: Also, what's with the line "when they already finish there picnic food a big huge crap show up and attacked the three hedgehogs"?! Sean: What does that mea....oh... Sean: Oh...oh dear. Jeff: *Laughs hystarically* Jeff: (Singing) IIIIIII AM! THE GREAT MIGHTY POO, AND I'M GOING TO THROW MY SH-- *Tails Doll* -- ekkkkkk!!! GET IT AWAY! *Tails Doll goes back up* >.<; Sean: *laughs* moving right along.... ---- "That Eggman great now we have to deal with a big crab now" Sonic was going to attack it but it doge his attack and with his legs he hit Sonic on the back real hard But now Shadow was going for the big shell on his back but it didn't work but then Suna remember something on her belt the paralyze ray so she thought that if she can us it the crabs legs won’t move and sonic and shadow can so she go and put in paralyze ray and aim for the crabs leg and it work the crabs leg won’t move at all. "Sonic Shadow aim for the legs it can't move I'll help you guys out!" So she used her homing attack and on leg was down and Sonic and Shadow join the battle and all that the crab have left was it's body and it's head so Sonic, Suna and Shadow both used there Homing attack together and destroy the crab. ---- Jeff: OOOOOH! When she put "crap" she meant "crab" Sean: ...she has a utility belt? Jeff: Aaaaand... apparently, yes... Jeff: And, so... what? All hedgehogs have a homing attack? Sonic Adventure 1 didn't seem to think so. Sean: Well, so much for at least avoiding one of the Mary Sue tropes. Sean: She has a utility belt which probably has more than a paralyze ray. Jeff: And from where? Was her daddy a scientist or something? Or does mom just carry one in her purse? Jeff: It's like "DON'T PARALYZE RAY ME, BRO!" Sean: Again, the author's assuming we have space brains and understand the whole backstory behind this without any prior documentation on this character. Sean: Unless maybe on a sonic the hedgehog fansite that neither of us go to. Jeff: And at this point, would never consider going to. Jeff: Next? ---- Noooooo they destroyed my crab but how?" "Easy I used my paralyze ray to paralyzed the crabs legs that why they don't move and then used the homing attack to aim for the legs" "Why you little who are you anyway?" "My name is Suna, Suna the hedgehog" "Suna eh grrr then in that case I better get out of here before I well be attack by you I'll get you next time you hedgehogs!!" So Eggman left "But you know well that guy ever going to used weight I mean he looks fat" "Ummm Suna it’s a good thing he left because if he didn't he go all crazy and try to attack you" "Yep that's how he is well I better go on and Suna when you go into your room there something that I give you I hope you like it" So Shadow left and Sonic and I went back to the torndakes house and I rush to my room and what I saw there where flowers nice and beautiful flowers that shadow give me and he put on the note saying "welcome to the team Suna the hedgehog" ---- Sean: That concludes Chapter 2. Sean: Also more implications of romance between Suna and Shadow. Jeff: She's complaining that Eggman's fat, but Tanaka said she was heavy, after all... Sean: Thankfully this fanfic is rated K+ so there shouldn't be anything graphic. Jeff: And thank God. I'd hate to Anu--Suna in an awkward lemonfic Sean: Alright. Chapter 3: A camping day at sliver valley Jeff: Again, a wonderful and original chapter name ---- When Sonic and I came back from sliver valley yesterday Shadow left me beautiful flowers on my desk and today Amy, Cream, Cheese and I are going to sliver valley for a camping trip today it was Cream and Cheese Idea to go over there for a day but the guys didn't like it at all for letting us girls to go to sliver valley for a camping trip for a day. "Ummm Amy there are two thing I don't like one you girls are going on a camping trip to sliver valley for a day because if the nice flowers and everything and second WHO IS THE HECK IS SUNA THE HEDGEHOG DON'T TELL ME THERE'S MORE I BET SHE WORKING FOR EGGMAN!!" "C'mon Knuckles where going to sliver valley for fun and Suna does not work for Eggman she haven't even herd if him and maybe there are more if us then you don't known ok?" "No I'm not ok all I what to known is who Suna the hedgehog is and why is she here?" "Because no where she lives didn't like her so her mother thought it well be ok if she can stay here with us and who knows maybe you two can be friends like us" "Chao Chao" ---- Jeff: They just got BACK and they're already headed to the valley again? Sean: Evidentally. Also, I recall Knuckles being gullible...but paranoid? Jeff: He was suspicious to some extent, but not like that... and it took me reading it like three times to figure out who was speaking Sean: Also, I want that FIRETRUCKING CHAO TO SHUT UP! WE GET THE POINT! IT'S A CHAO! IT SAYS IT'S OWN NAME LIKE A FIRETRUCKING POKEMON. WE GET IT. Jeff: I don't remember it making THAT much noise in Sonic X anyways Sean: Moving along....... ---- Hmm Cream and Chesse does have a point there Knuckles So get use to it" So Knuckles got really, really man and finally Suna show up to get ready to go. "Ok you guys I'm ready and who was calling me like crazy" when Knuckles look at her he was falling in love with her showing his goggles eyes at her "Ummm...Amy...Who...s...s...she?" said Knuckles with hearts on his eyes "Oh now that is Suna the hedgehog Suna this is Knuckles the echidna his a friend of Sonic as well" "...Suna...?" "Oh well it nice to meet you Knuckles...Umm Knuckles are you ok you look frozen you alright?" "Ummm...You’re...pretty" ---- Sean: ... Sean: what Jeff: ... Jeff: This is, what? Chapter 3? And already guys are falling over themselves for her left and right? Jeff: And why would an echidna be attracted to a hedgehog, anyways? Do these people really know as little about biology as I suspect? Sean: Apparently. Jeff: For the uninformed: echidna - large monotreme Jeff: Hedgehog - small rodent Jeff: BIG difference. Jeff: Next? ---- "Huu?!" until Amy hint Knuckles on the head with her Piko, Piko Hammer on his when Sonic, Tails and Chris show up. "Sorry Knuckles but she already met someone so keep you hands off of her" "What just happen with Knuckles and with Amy?" said Chris with a confused look "I have no idea Chris but all I know is that your friend Knuckles just went all crazy over me" "Really hmm Knuckles never did that before hmm ny oh well are you girls ready to go over there?" said tails all if us say yes and we were ready to leave but then Knuckles got my hand "Suna if you do get bored over there you can always come with me to Angle Island for our date?" "Huu?!" and yet Amy hint him again. ---- Sean: ...already met someone? Are they implying Shadow? Jeff: I'll bet 10-1 they are. Jeff: This is going downhill really fast, as if it hasn't been from the get-go Sean: also, why is Amy hinting Knuckles? and hinting him on what, exactly? Heh heh heh. Jeff: Hinting maybe about prose reasons? Or maybe a charter? Sean: Hehe, next up... ---- “I told you before she already have someone so leave her long" "I'll be waiting for you Suna!" said Knuckles by being drag from the ground. "Ok his scaring me a lot" so Amy, Cream, Chesse and I went to sliver valley at last but Amy said as long Knuckles keep his hands off if me at all times so poor Knuckles just sitting there looking hurt as usual. So us girls finally made it at last to sliver valley but first we fix up the camp before we were leaving to go look for some flowers for Cream to make. "Hmm it looks like a nice place to be at to pick up flowers here hu Amy" "Yeah well were all done so let's go look for some flowers Cream and maybe right after that we can go swimming what do you say you two since this is your idea for coming here?" "Hmm that sounds like a good idea Amy right Chesse?" "Chao Chao" "Great so let's go" so Amy, Cream, Chesse and I went to go look for some beautiful flowers for Cream and Chesse. When we did we finally saw a lot if flowers for Cream to make but something was brothering me when Amy told Knuckles that I already have someone what does she mean? ---- Sean: ...."leave her long"? Why does that put disturbing thoughts in my head? Jeff: Just try not to think about it too much. Jeff: Over-thinking this is remarkably bad for one's health. Jeff: And while I'm at it that "Chao Chao" thing REALLY breaks what little flow of dialoge we have going here. Sean: They're going to go look for some flowers, which will probably lead to disaster in some way. Sean: Let's find out! ---- "Hey Amy can I talk to you for a sec?" "Hmm oh yeah sure what is it Suna?" "When you told Knuckles that I already have someone what do you mean by that hmmm?" "Oh yeah that well if course you already have someone it's Shadow" "What Shadow no Shadow doesn't like me nor I like him he just give me the flowers say welcome to the team that's all" "No if he wanted to say that he well say it to you but he didn't he got you beautiful flowers so Imagine that Shadow give you the beautiful flowers and saying to you 'I love you Suna' you two well make a beautiful couple and be together forever. Oh I wish Sonic well do that for me!!" "Umm Amy are you ok?" "Uh-oh Amy thinking about Sonic again" "Chao Chao Chao" ---- Sean: Shadow. We freaking called it Jeff: This entire story is going straight to... well... here... ---- "Umm Cream does she always do that like all the time?" "Yes she does but let's not deserved her if we do she'll hint you like she did to Knuckles" "She well Oh" so Suna was thinking what well happen to her when she deserved for romancing fancy land."Oh well then let's not deserved her then hahaha" "You were thinking about what well happen if she did hurt you did you?" "Chao Chao" so all of us even Amy who was thing about Sonic as always Cream, Cheese and I were already in to river having some fun "I'm having so much fun I don't what to stop right cheese?" "Chao Chao Chao" "So Cream can I ask you something Sonic told me like you like to make then only that you like very much right?" "Yes it's true I done it ever since my mom show me how ohh I miss her a lot" "Chao Chao" "Aww don't worry Cream besides Chris is making that machine right so you can see your mother again so don't worry you well see your mother besides you have us to take care you ok?" ---- Sean: ...sometimes I'm wondering if this fanfic is a trolling attempt. Jeff: ... maybe... Jeff: It's getting kinda close to the quality you'd get when you put text into that babelizer thing... Sean: Also, SHUT THE BLOODY CHAO UP. Sean: GRAH Jeff: Seriously... it just chimes in for no adequetly explained reason other than to be a nuisance. Jeff: Kind of like us, only not funny Sean: My Chao in SA2:B weren't nearly this annoying. In fact, they were awesome Jeff: Same. Sean: anyways, moving on..... ---- "Well ok but thanks for cheering me up Suna" "Hahah no problem so let's have some if you need I'll be under water ok?" "Ok" "Chao Chao" "Ohhh that's so Romaic ahhh" "Ok she starting to freak me out now" "Hehe that's Amy" "Chao Chao" so when Cream, Chesse and I were already done with swimming and everything it was already night time and we where eating our dinning even Amy who was steel day dreaming about Sonic but it was about it we are having some fun and yet Amy just sitting there doing nothing so I have decided to go talk to her. "Umm Amy we need to you been thinking about Sonic to much and umm...umm...It’s STARTING TO GET ON MY NERVES ALREADY where here to have some fun not thinking about fun alright...please don't hurt me?" "Ahaha I'm not going to hurt and I wasn't thinking about Sonic I was thinking about what were happen if you and Shadow got...well…Married" "Huuuu MARRIED!!" ---- Sean: ...I can sorta picture Amy looking too far into the future with these things. Jeff: I must agree. I think she's not too far off the dot, as far as Amy is concerned. Sean: Also, I would like to add this. This is a boring as hell story. Jeff: But why is that Chao allowed to live at this point? HOLD IT UNDER THE WATER! Sean: I mean, I guess it's supposed to be character development but it's so horribly written I can't be arsed to care about how the characters are developing. Jeff: Maybe they're developing like a fungas. So painfully slow and (ob)noxiously. Sean: I always said I'd never drink but if I have to read fanfics like these for all eternity I might consider starting. Jeff: I'd commit suicide but it's a little moot at this point. *Sigh* Next paragraph. ---- "Yeah because if you two got married you guys well have the most romanced place in you hold time" "But what if it doesn't go so well between me and Shadow?" "Then it well be a hold well thing" "Yeah I guess your right" so Amy and I were having a lot of fun until Sonic came along with Knuckles and Shadow "Hey you guys" "Ohh Sonic, Shadow, Knuckles hi what are you guys doing here?" "Chao Chao" "Yeah what are you guys doing?" "SUNA MY LOVE!!" and once again Amy hint him again with her Hummer "I told stop to that" "Ohhhhhhh" ---- Sean: Wow, Suna's got Shadow as a love intrest and Knuckles as a stalker! What a lucky girl! Sean: *sighs* Jeff: Everyone knows all about those gosh-darned "hold well" things. Like eggs. You have to hold them well, or they'll splat on the floor! Sean: God, I'm remembering that Sonic Fanfic I did at one of the older now nonexistant Sonic World boards....when I was 9? Jeff: Under more normal situations, I'd point how just how terribly out-of-character Knuckles has been this entire time. Then I remember he's been alone on an island for 14-17 years and then it kind of makes sense he'd be that pathetic... Sean: God, I made that thing and it was actually on par with this. But also factoring in that the Author's age is unknown, but presumably 15, I don't feel as bad. And I wisened up Jeff: Well, most writers start with stuff they later go on to consider "bad"... it's part of the process. Jeff: And THIS part of the process... Jeff: Well, is the part that puts the "process" in "food processor" cuz that's how it makes my brain feel. Sean: Well put. At least my story kept within decent spelling and grammar, but that's because I used to be a little grammar and spelling nazi. Sean: Doesn't excuse the crapfest that was the plot but we've talked about this long enough Sean: NEXT ---- "We came here to check up on all of you but I guess you girls are ok then" "Hehe well were doing ok Shadow if we weren’t we were be back over there at the house by now but yet where having fun but don't know about you Knuckles?" "SUNA!!" "Umm Suna why won't he stop calling your named?" "No clue Shadow no clue what so ever" "Well I guess we were be getting going where go check up on you girls tomorrow morning ok?" we all say ok and the boys left even Knuckles since he won’t stop calling my name with heats on his eyes on his way back over to Chris’s house but yet we all went to sleep and we slept well at night. It was all ready morning we going everything ready to go and I guess the boys didn't came t check up but yet only Shadow show up as well to help us out with our stuff that we bring. ---- Sean: Aww, isn't Shadow such a Gentlehog? Jeff: Naturally. ANYONE can get over a severe mental scar that, for him, was probably just a few months prior because of a pretty face. Sean: Anything else we need to cover? Aside from the fact that the Author is blatantly setting up her character, which possibly is an author insert, for romance? Jeff: Bah. No. Let's move on. ---- "Thanks for helping us out with our stuff Shadow but you know you don't have to do that?" "It's ok I won’t mind and yet you girls did have a good time here at sliver valley and if course swimming" we all look at Amy expect for Shadow who was steel walking with us. When we go back form camping we eat our breakfast and got clean up but yet we did have a good and I went to go check on that card but went I read it all that it said was welcome to the team but I didn't realized that he put there "Love Suna the hedgehog" but yet I think that we well steel be friends or are we? ---- Sean: ...wait, what? Sean: HE Wrote "Love Suna the Hedgehog"? Jeff: Steel be friends. Brought to you due to a grant for public broadcasting and the support of viewers like us! Sean: *headdesk* *laugh* Sean: *Lifts head* that ends Chapter 3. Sean: *Click* ...Oh boi, we're getting to the real fun here. Jeff: Thank God. Jeff: Wha? It gets worse? Sean: Chapter 4: Suna's life of promise and power. Where we establish the OC has uber-powers that overshadows everyone! Jeff: Of course. She has a utility belt, why not God mode, infinite ammo and moon jump just to round her off? Sean: Let's begin...even though I don't want to. Jeff: It's that or the Tails Doll. Let's move on. ==== |
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| Sean | Jul 6 2008, 04:43 PM Post #2 |
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The ⑥of Four Against Nature
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---- I'm having the best day of my life today Cream make a lot of those flowers hats today and watering them just in case they don't get pretty bad but yet it was already time for dinner and aunt Ella wanted us to do some manners about using what kind of folks that we have to us to eat meet. "Now everyone want do we used to eat our meals?" "We used our folks and knifes?" "That's correct Amy you guys are pretty good learners want you get the hang of this" everyone is having fun expect for Sonic and me since Sonic is eating an apple and me well I kept looking at my food. "Feels like that I'm in cooking class, Feel like I'm taking cooking class" "What up with you Suna you won’t stop looking at your food you just kept steering at it is something wrong?" saying Sonic looking confuse "Oh well you see my mom wanted me to take cooking class while I was in school well besides showing us how to cook they show us manners and I didn't like it even the class it was a scay,scay place to be at" ---- Jeff: The entire first sentence has destroyed what little naive optimistic hope I retained. Sean: *head against the desk, laughing* So they use their parents and their knives to eat their food? Jeff: Apparently we need all different types of folks to help us eat meet and probably greet! Jeff: Let's beat feet eat meet and greet meat! Sean: I used "our folks" like "our parents" but it's still the same thing: Horrible mixing of words. Sean: Let's find out why Suna's cooking class was a scay, scay place to be at! Jeff: I'M A SCAY MAN! Jeff: Skibbidy-bitty-bid-duh-dih-duh-duh~ Sean: How did I know you were gonna do that.....? Jeff; Let's move on ---- "Oh why is always so scary to you anyways?" "Because that boy who turns me into a hedgehog was there and he won’t stop telling the teacher like 'Miss can I work with my wife?'every times he say that I always hit him on the face" "What Suna you aren’t suppose to do that if you do you well get into trouble" "No I don’t everybody at my school knows that the problem is I scare the boys away every single time I do that" "I was going to ask you something Suna what the boy name?" "Chao Chao" "What's his name his name is Edward Tokenlaka the boy who turn me into this form and won’t leave me along every single time I do that I feel like I CAN KICK HIM ALL THE WAY TO PLUTO AND EVER AND I MEAN EVER SEE HIS LITTLE LITTLE FACE AGAIN!!" said Suna with flames on her eyes and she was getting ready to hit someone. ---- Sean: Every character of the opposite sex loves the new character? Check, for the most part Jeff: And she's violent. But that probably just makes them admire her *cough-cough* "spunk". Sean: also, what the hell last name is Tokenlaka? Jeff: Hey~ To-ken-la-ka! Hey! To-ken-la-ka! Like an African chant. Sean: at least Edward is a normal name. Too bad that makes me wanna call the character a spoony bard at every possible turn. Jeff: And Pluto's not a planet anymore. So you'll have to due with kicking him to Neptune instead. ---- "I guess it was a big idea to say that right cheese?" "Chao Chao" "Suna put you foot off the table now and stop scaring everybody" when I look at everybody they all saw my foot oh the table and I went a little over boarded "Hehehehe...sorry get to carry away when that happens" but then Knuckles shows up with a mean look on his face "I...Been...ROB BY THAT BAT ROUGE SHE STOLEN MY MASTER EMERALD FROM ANGLE ISLAND" ---- Sean: I'm astounded. She actually spelled Rouge's name right. Jeff: Angle Island - the most geometric formation in nature. Jeff: And I'd like to know how Rouge's malnourished frame could lift that thing... Sean: Fun fact! Angel Island (Which the name of the island SHOULD be) is also the name of an immigration processing station in San Francisco. Or at least it was. If it still exists is something I dunno. I just know what it was or still is. Sean: Why was that? It was on my American History Final 12 years ago, and for some reason that info stuck. *Shrug* Jeff: Let's move on ---- "What she toke it Knuckles" "Yes she did I just came back from the things I needed and then once I came back my emerald was gone and Rouge toke it, it was bad I need my emerald back and put in angle Island because if I don't" "Then angle Island well no longer float anymore” said Tails "That's right and I need to get it back because if I don't just like Tails said angle Island well no longer float anymore unless I get the master emerald back form Rouge" ---- Jeff: Knuckles is repeating himself an awful lot and is basing this entire case on rather flimsy evidence. Jeff: The emerald is gone, so it must be Rouge? Sean: also Knuckles is the GUARDIAN of the Master Emerald. What were the things he needed that were so important he had to stop doing his job? Sean: ....do I particularly WANT to know? Jeff: Doubtful. Let's not dwell on it. ---- "Umm I have a question well two one what a master emerald and two who's Rouge" "Well you see Suna the master emerald has a lot of power then the chaos emeralds it can order the chaos emeralds what to do as well and it can help with some machines and Rouge she's a thief and she stolen any jewels she like she gets it" "Sooo she's a umm a treasure hunter" "Correct she's is and I need your help Suna I want you to talk to Shadow to see if he can get my master emerald back" "What umm have you already try talking to him Knuckles?" "Yes I have but he won’t accept it because Rouge is also a spy who work for the government and she can spy on you like a bat" "Oh so she's a bat" said Suna on her mind "So can you talk to him?" "Ummm I don't Knuckles because if you can't get him to help you then it won’t do any good and..." but then Knuckles got her hand and led on his knees ---- Sean: So Suna comes to the conclusion that Rouge is a bat through simile? Jeff: And "spy on you like a bat" is an awfully BAD simile. Sean: Seriously Jeff: Since bats have terrible vision. Sean: Goddamned Bats. Jeff: Indeed. Sean: Also, that last line in this segment...oh lulz Jeff: Good grief. ---- “Uh-ho I better get ready for this” “Hu Amy?” “Chao Chao?” "Suna please well you do it because if you do right after this tomorrow I can take you on a date" "Huu?" but then Amy show up with her Piko, Piko Hammer and hit him on the head "Nice try Knuckles but that won’t do because if you do want you emerald back you have to stop asking her out ok" but then knuckles was already on a K.O. "Hmmm all right I well get knuckles master emerald back but first I well talk to shadow and if he says no and I well do it along but if he says yes then we have to work as a team to get his master emerald back once and for all so I'm leavening" "What but you haven't eaten your dinner and.." just then Suna toke an apple and left when her aunt Ella was talking to her once she said bye to everyone she went to go look for Shadow and she found him where the nice flowers where at. ---- Sean: ...so he gets into a marriage proposal position to ask her out on a date? does he know NOTHING? Jeff: He's been ALONE his entire life. I'm surprised he knows how to speak. Sean: ...true. Jeff: And, for some reason, Shadow is now a botanist. Sean: or just likes flowers. Sean: also, the Piko-Piko hammer does not need a comma. If anything it needs a hyphen and I don't even think it uses it then. I can't remember for the life of me. Jeff: And most people just say "her hammer", that would suffice. Sean: That it for this part? Jeff: Yeah ---- "Hey Shadow" "Oh hi Suna what are you doing here I thought you well be with Sonic and the others but never thought you well be along" "Yeah well we need to talk and it's about Knuckles master emerald you see Rouge toke and he needs it back because if he doesn't then...” "Angle Island well never float again unless it's back where it's belong" "How did you know that Shadow unless you help Rouge toke Knuckles master emerald?" "No I didn't and I saw Rouge toke it but then I know that pretty soon it well go down with out one but I'm sorry I can't help you with this" "Oh well I guess it's a no then then I have no course but to get it on my own and if Rouge does have seriates on her room then I can go thought it then so I guess I'll see you around ok well bye" so Suna left with Shadow just nothing to do so now Suna finally found where Shadow and Rouge where staying but it wasn’t easy for her she has to go thought a window and have to found Rouge's room and she did but no master emerald. ---- Sean: ...I think my brain shut down for a second Jeff: So, now we're treating Sonic Battle as canon? Wow... Sean: how does Suna specifically know where Rouge's House is anyway? I don't recall anyone telling her where it was. and what are seriates? Jeff: Where's the logic? Sean: 404 LOGIC NOT FOUND ---- "Man where is it I thought it might be there but instead nothing unless there's a secret door or somewhere, around here to led me where the emerald is" but let Suna found is nothing but then she thought if something "Oh I know I can us my X-rays vision from my headband" so when she used she found the master emerald and the area to us to go thou it but then some one got her. "Oh no I hope it's not Rouge if it is then I'm doom and can't get Knuckles emerald back" but then she was right "What are you doing here at my room little girl oh wait you must be Suna" once she turn around it was Rouge "What a surprise Shadow told me all about you your real name is Molly right but then change your name to Suna correct?" and Yet Suna nodded to tell her yes but then real mad after what she did to Knuckles "Say Rouge I also wanted to ask you something myself why do you want Knuckles master emerald so bad is it because if it's power or is it because it look so nice to toke it?" ---- Jeff: Now she has X-ray specs? Sean: Wonderful Sean: Also I love how she prays that someone else besides Rouge would be in Rouge's home. Jeff: Totally makes sense, right? Sean: Anything else? Jeff: My head hurts just... just go ---- "Haha you are a weird little girl do you know that and also it's not because if it's power it's because if it's beauty and everything do you also understand little girl and also how do you know where, oh yeah I forgot you also got help from that boy who turn you into a hedgehog oh what's his name again oh yeah Edward Tokenlaka" Suna was stock to find out that she knows that she find out what happen but how. "How did you know what happen to me 10 years ago?" "Research I did Research about it when Shadow told me once he did I went on the Government projects that had fail and that machine was one if it at first it didn't work but then it work on you hmm I guess they wanted good scientist to do that so now what young girl do you really wanted to go back to bending human to be with your family and your friends hmmm?" "Never Rouge I well never do that I remember that when I finish doing my training to protect this world I promise myself that I well stay as a hedgehog, hedgehog or not I am who I am and if you have a problem with that then that well be it and I well try my best to get thought you to get Knuckles emerald back" ---- Sean: What made her actually bother to do the research on this girl? And why does she suddenly want to save the world? What's this training? MY HEAD HURTS Sean: Question 1 is directed toward Rouge while the other two are more toward's Suna, by the way Jeff: But I... it's just... the fact that... but then... Jeff: If I weren't already dead, my head would've exploded by now. Sean: *Sigh* ....must we continue? *Tails Doll comes down* .....dammit. Jeff: Yes. Let's. Before that thing gets any closer. ---- "Then why won’t you go back and runaway because I'm here and finding out that you what the master emerald back..." "Because..." she remember that she well never go back on her promise "I well never go back on my promise even if I have to die for it" "You know what...Hehe your a tuft kid and you don't care I just don't get it but hmmm since your here and I'm sooo tried you can take Knuckles emerald back" "Huu you’re given it back ok I'm confuse are you tasting me on this" "Well no I'm just going easy on you but you are a little girl Suna" Suna herd that word and she didn't like it after what she said. ---- Sean: ....*stifling his laughter* Sean: she's...bwahaha....she's...tasting her....bwaah...hahah...I ...that's rich. (Editor's Note: I didn't actually find this funny, I just thought it would be perfect for the laugh-cry scenario.) Sean: *starts breaking down and cries* Jeff: I'm soooooooooo not following that train of thought Sean: *Tails doll moves closer* WILL YOU GIVE ME A MINUTE YOU DAMNED DEVIL POSSESSED STUFFED TOY!? Tails Doll: ....*backs off but still has a knife handy* Sean: Gimme a minute...*breathes* okay...I'm better. Jeff: Let's go. Hurry. ---- "Really well do you know what I’m thinking" She was getting prepare to throw her light arrows at Rouge If her ability’s "Never and I met Never CALLED ME LITTLE GIRL!!" And once when she did she throw it Rouge was stock and hit her and Suna think fast and act fast and got the master emerald while Rouge was hit pretty bad and run off before she got on foot to get her. "Ok I guess I got her mad and... Huu what she toke the emerald but how what does that girl has. all well I guess I well find a way to get her next time but I guess that how she is but need more if that research on that machine and her but yet that's Impossible only shadow can do that unless could it be that she has the same moves like Shadow or does she not hmm?" Suna finally got out if there but once she has with the master emerald Shadow show up in front of her. ---- Sean: ...what is this, Legend of Suna now? Light Arrows? Seriously? Jeff: That is what it says. Jeff: Let's review - paralyze ray, X-ray specs and... light arrows, apparently Sean: This is...pathetic. Jeff: The difference in this and Plan 9 is that Plan 9 made sense by comparison. ---- “So I guess Rouge told you everything that's why I didn't what you to go in there" "Hmm...Well your right but she didn't see my moves coming" "Your moves what are you talking about Suna?" "Hehe well I have the ability to let out light arrows" just then Shadow got stock to find out that she can do it two "I see but that's Impossible only I can do that" "Wow really well I can run fast I mean really fast and do homing attacks you already saw and throw light arrows so that's about it" "You know you do have the same powers that I have" "Hu what I do?" ---- Sean: Oh, so the light arrows were just the Chaos Spear attack. Jeff: Which, while an appropriate metaphor, is by no means the right name, but this is coming from the author who can't spell "Thorndyke" Sean: heh heh heh. That's a funny name. Jeff: Indeed it is. Shall we move on? Satan: And you were even THINKING of questioning you being here? -_-; ---- "Of course you did what do you think I didn’t dodge it before" "Hu?" just then Rouge show up but Suna realize that it doesn't look good that Shadow and Rouge had her surrounded it but then. "You know...You have to use those ability’s with Shadow because if you do you and Shadow well be Impossible for Eggman to beat us and who knows maybe Shadow really likes you" "Hu?" "Hey I heard that!" "Now go on it almost sunrise and I don't think your Aunt Ella won’t like it when you home late" "Yeah well WHAT ITS SUNRISE ALREADY! Oh-boy hehe I better get going then hehe" ---- Jeff: Everyone's speaking so randomly and out-of-turn... Sean: Yeah....also, seriously, is the author having problems adding an h to make the world Huh? Sean: *word. How ironic Sean: Is that it? Jeff: ... aaaand, the fight ENDS cuz the sun comes up? What, is Rouge afraid she'll sunburn? Sean: She's Dracula! Wait, what? ---- "Yeah go on Suna the hedgehog" Rouge say bye to Suna and Shadow well he said nothing as usual well when Suna got back she was yelled at Ella telling her how long she was gone and yet I did get Knuckles master emerald back but it was true I well never go back on my promise so I didn't get grounded by Ella because she understand a little and Knuckles master emerald got back to angle Island but yet Knuckles was trying to hold Suna hand but instead Amy and started hitting him again but then once when we got back I found once again flowers and also from Shadow and it reads ' Suna: I hope we do combined our powers on Eggman and I'm glad your alright from Rouge but yet I'm sorry what she said to you, Shadow' ---- Sean: That's the end of Chapter 4. Jeff: And suddenly, the once genocidal hedgehog has a soft spot for Ms. Mary Sue Sean: Of course, that's how it always is in this damned fanfics. Jeff: I mean, seriously, rather than giving her flowers every chapter, shouldn't he be saying "damn" and asking where that "damn fourth chaos emerald" is? Sean: We actually might find out where that damn fourth chaos emerald is in Chapter 5: Nice day at the beach chaos for emeralds. Jeff: That's either illiteracy or a terrible attempt at apun ---- "Aww it's going to be great over there don't you think Suna with the nice water nice sand and the sun aiming at us it's going to be great at emerald beach" "Yeah Ella told me about it it's going to be great right Sonic?" Everybody was excited because where going to emerald beach today and everybody is getting ready to go over there to have some fun expect for somebody who doesn't. "Hmm no way I don't want to go to the beach I hate that place it has to much water for me" "Hu how come Sonic don't you know how to swim?" "Well to tell you to truth Suna Sonic doesn’t know how to swim even for Shadow but sometimes he even have no course sometimes to go over there you know what I mean?" "Yeah I know what you mean" but then Tails saw that his emerald was growing knowing that there's a chaos emerald at emerald beach ---- Sean: Aha, so THAT'S where that damn fourth chaos emerald is. Jeff: Tails' emerald was growing. Obviously, ALL precious stones grow at a noticable rate! Everyone knows that! Jeff: It's getting hard to even be sarcastic about this crap Sean: Shall we move right along? Jeff: Yeah ---- Like today Sonic have to go over there because there's a chaos emerald over at emerald beach" just then Sonic herd Tails said it so now Sonic rush to go over there to get the emerald with out saying later. "What just happen right about now?" "I don't know I guess because Tails said that there's a chaos emerald over at emerald beach" "And that's mean Sonic is going over there to find it before Shadow does" "Say Chris are you going to emerald beach to?" "No Suna I can't I toke a day off yesterday" "What Chris we told you to take a day off today not yesterday" "I know Tails but I thought about it and I thought it well be nice to be having a day off yesterday beside today you know what I mean?" ---- Jeff: ... huh? Jeff: That entire last sentence probably just short-circuited something in my brain Sean: Basically he took a day off yesterday because he felt like it. Sean: Or it could be..... ---- "You probable wanted to have a day off yesterday because today since where going to the beach you thought you say here with you girlfriend Helen right?" "NO IT’S NOT THAT AND SHE NOT MY GIRLFRIEND SUNA!?" "Right well I'm been thinking that maybe I should go over there right away to also look for the chaos emerald" "What Suna you can't you don't have the ability that Sonic have" "Oh really well I guess I well see you guys around so see ya" just then I run fast to go see if Sonic or Shadow find the chaos emerald and Chris was wrong about me "WHAT SHE RUNS FAST TWO!?" “I guess she does right cheese” “Chao Chao Chao “ ---- Sean: ..something left open to speculation! Lulz Jeff: And, of course, Suna has the same powers as Sonic Sean: Of course! Jeff: It was a strange enough assertion to imply all hedgehogs have the homing attack (which clearly is not true) but now she has super speed... *sigh* Jeff: Look, I was willing to let the utility belt slip by, but now she has all the powers of everyone else too? Sean: This is...pretty pathetic/ Jeff: Let's move on ---- So I finally made it just in time before the others came and I saw Sonic and Shadow fighting without a chaos emerald I guess they didn't get it yet or they just can't find it or maybe Tails lie about it to get Sonic over here no it can't Tails can't lie and beside he probable has problems keeping things to himself or something so while they where fighting for the chaos emerald even know they didn't know that I was there I was having fun there at emerald beach and I was looking for shells to make a nice bracelet with shells but then I saw something growing on the sand and I found a light blue chaos emerald "Ahh I found a chaos emerald!" but then when Sonic and Shadow where fighting they herd my voice and saw me with a chaos emerald waving with it "What she has the emerald hmmm just great and yet it was on the sand the hold time" "What she's here then that means the others are here to" so Sonic went over there to tell Suna if the other are here but then Suna told him something that got him stock "What you run fast like me and Shadow?" "Yep why you haven't seen a girl who runs fast like you guys boy you have a lot to learn about me sometimes Sonic but yet I found the chaos emerald on the sand I was just looking for shells to make a bracelet with it but then I saw it growing so I just pick it up" ---- Sean: So...what, they're fighting because they're racing to get the Chaos Emerald? Wouldn't it be easier to do "winner finds chaos emerald, loser gets jack"? Jeff: Tails can't lie too, apparently. Like George Washington. Sean: *sigh* Jeff: And THIS emerald is growing too. Jeff: Grow your own emerald kit! Only 12 easy payments of 199.95 plus shipping and handling to the "Imagulliblefool Foundation" ---- "Ok well I guess you can give to me then" "No way Suna give me the chaos emerald" "No give it to me" "No to me" but since I found the nice emerald Sonic and Shadow are fighting over it but then I thought if something that might just work. "Oh I know let's play a game" "A game" "What do you mean a game Suna?" "Well if one if you guys found me then I well give you the chaos emerald but if both if you found me then you guys have to spit up and found me again and only one if you do I well give you the chaos emerald ok you guys got it now?" ---- Sean: Hide and go seek, the horrible Fanfic Version! Yaaaaaay Jeff: Wouldn't just make more sense for them to clobber one another and the victor just TAKE it? Sean: you're asking too much Jeff: *Sigh* ---- "Yeah I guess so it's a good idea" "Hm I don't believe I'm saying this but ok and I well get that emerald before you Sonic" "Hehe well see Shadow well see" "Ok well oh I just remember something you guys have to court to five ok because it won’t do any good if you two see me right here ok?" "What do we have to no way I'll well court to five" "Yeah so I guess where not playing this little game if yours” but then Suna got really mad because this is the only way for her to give it to them "LOOK YOU GUYS REALLY WANT THIS CHAOS EMERALD RIGHT SO THIS IS THE ONLY WAY TO DO BECAUSE IF NOT I WELL HURT YOUR LITTLE EARS AND PULL BOTH IF THEM OUT SO WHERE DOING LIKE IT OR NOT! ok?" ---- Sean: Aaaaand here's the angry female trope in action! Jeff: This isn't even the "angry female trope", my friend. This is "I want to encorporate my stupid ideas into my stupid fanfiction so I'm going to make the main characters PUSSYWHIPPED" trope Sean: ...well put Jeff: I mean, seriously, Shadow has shown exceptional prowess is various weapons and at hand-to-hand combat, and Sonic has as well... if they wanted to, they could kick the crap out of her and take it Sean: But of course that makes her precious character not so awsum anymore so...that idea has to go out the window, right? *Sigh* Jeff: *takes off his reading glasses so he can abuse himself for a few seconds, reconsiders, then puts them back on* Sean: ....right. Jeff: Let's just go ---- "O...k" "Umm yeah where do it" "Good now COURT TO FIVE!" "Ahh ok ok where court where court" "This is embarrassing" "Yeah you think but she has a point because when we where fighting Suna look confuse to see who and this is the probable thing she can think if" “Yeah I guess" when they where done both if them where looking for them but then they where realize that they have been spied by Eggman ---- Sean: How do you Court to Five, exactly? Jeff: Courting to five is a very important ritual. Jeff: First you court one, then two, then three, then four. This can be a very time-consuming courting process. Jeff: And wasn't this story being told from a first-person perspective? Sean: I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE Jeff: Let's go on ---- "Dr...The female hedgehog...has...hehe...the chaos...emerald..." "Yeah...the...heheh...one...that you...where beaten...BWHAHAHAHA"well both of them burst into laugh after what happen to Eggman at sliver valley "Hey do you remember when he came back looking...all...beaten..." "Yeah and he say I got beaten by A FELMALE HEDGEHOG HAHAHAHA" "Yeah a pretty female hedgehog “when they where laughing soo loud Eggman got really mad at them. "WELL YOU TWO STOP THAT OR ELSE YOU TWO WORN'T BE HAPPY WHAT I WELL DO IF YOU SAY THAT ONE LAST TIME!!" "Oh well Dr. the girl is playing games with them" "Yes and she have the chaos emerald so we can kidnap her and get the chaos emerald and have my revenge on that girl but I need to have a robot to do that and I know what" ---- Sean: OH SNAP! Jeff: This fanfic is sucky enough for a man, but made for a felmale. Sean: Oh god 85% of our jokes are gonna be knocking the spelling at this rate. Jeff: The writer in me wouldn't have it any other way. I mean, hell, that's at least 95% of the fanbase's complaints levied against MegaMan X6 Sean: Moving along.... ---- So when Tails and the others finally made it they where looking at Sonic and Shadow running around looking for Suna "Umm you guys what are you doing running around like crazy?" "Amy" "Say Amy have you seen Suna coming over here we can't find her and she has the chaos emerald" "What she does well where is she?" "We don't know Tails but all I know is that's the last time I well made her mad" "Umhm"but then Shadow remember something that he haven't look seeing there was a branch laying down when he was looking for it so when Sonic was talking to the other Shadow left to go see if she was there and he was right she was there swimming on her own having fun. ---- Sean: ...they didn't notice? Jeff: This entire section makes no sense. "... what are you doing running around like crazy?" "Amy" Sean: Oh how did I forget that? Jeff: It makes about as much sense as the rest of the fanfic proper, though Sean: Anyways they both found Suna. What now? Let's find out! ---- "Suna!" "Hu oh hey Shadow I guess your here then hang on!" when Suna made it out if the water she give him the chaos emerald just like she told them. "Well it was about time you found me I was wanting here for 20 minutes but you guys never found me so I decided to have a nice swim when I was wanting" "Hmm I can tell from that well also your friends are here so I guess I'll see you around because I just came for the emerald and...”Just then behind Suna something was coming out if the water. "What is it Shadow" and Shadow saw a metal craw coming out if the water. "...Duck..." "Hu a duck?" "No duck now" when Shadow put Suna on the sand the craw miss and now aiming at Shadow he used his homing attack and destroyed the craw and the robot left ---- Jeff: She was there wanting for 20 minutes? I'm not even gonna contemplate what THAT could imply. ---- "Hmm seem like the Dr. is here two but under water" "Hm Dr.Eggman is here two but under water?" "Yes and I think he was after you to get the chaos emerald that you have found" "Oh well I do have my stuff if you want me two I can go get it?" "Suna do you have something to breave under water?" "Umm Yeah I think so let me check and I'll come right back ok?" "Hmm alright" So Suna went to go get her things and hurry where Shadow was wanting and it find out that she does have one a candy that can let them breave for two hours when they both went under water Suna and Shadow found Eggman’s hind out under water. ---- Sean: Did they really need to say he was underwater twice? Jeff: Do they also need to sit around and breave for two hours? I mean that's a lot of breaving time. Sean: What IS breaving anyway? Jeff: And why would a candy let you breave? Sean: Too many questions that we don't know the answer to! Jeff: So let's go on ---- “So that’s where the Dr. was hiding” “Yeah and it’s big two so now what we go in?” “Yeah but hang on to me very tight where going for a ride CHOAS CONTROL!” when Shadow said it he stop time for ten seconds and they went inside of Eggman’s place where they can found Eggman and destroyed the machine that attacked them. “So where is it Shadow all I see are hallways” “Hmm that’s true but I guess that the Dr.’s craws are in this ship but we can’t spit up because if we do the Dr. Well get you and he think that you have the emerald so let’s try finding it ok?” “Well ok but we have to be careful thou who knows what Eggman well have for a surprise” So Suna and Shadow search everywhere but nothing but then when they where thinking Suna found the craw that where attacking them. ---- Jeff: Dr. Well, you're needed in the ICU. Sean: Sorry, I read Choas Control and I shut down for a second. Jeff: And apparently Suna has taken to speaking in old English. Jeff: Now she can be Ms. Thou Jeff: That sounds better than "Snowen" or whatever the crap her last name was Sean: Yeah.... ---- “Well I guess we found it so now what?” “Hmm do you have some stuff on you belt that can help us?” “Oh well there are the bombs that Edward made me but we have to put for five minutes on those craws but if that doesn’t work then they made have some wirers that we can put them in.” “Then we have no course but the put the those little bombs on the wirers then but we have to open them so that’s going to be trickery alright” Suna nodded and they open the metal craws and put the little bombs inside of the machine and they where all put for five minutes. “Well that was hard I guess we better get going then” “Right come on lets get out if her before the Dr. finds out about this” ---- Sean: HOW MUCH CRAP DOES SHE HAVE?! Jeff: And the Edward guy can make bombs? Aren't kids who do that kind of thing in high school usually suspended? Sean: Plothole. Just like several story elements in this story. Sean: Dammit I'm being redundant here too... Sean: IT'S A VIRUS Jeff: ... "lets get out of her"? Jeff: This story is just LADEN with totally inappropriate innuendos Sean: Let's...just move away from that train of thought Jeff: Heh heh. Sound like Suna and Barbariccia would get along well Sean: So I wonder how many people are going to get that reference. Jeff: Hopefully not many. Let's move on. ---- “Ok but let me put on my vision on my headband just in case he put one of those alarms” but then Suna saw Shadow that he was close to the alarms “Shadow don’t move theirs a alarms system behind you” “Hm what’s that?” Just then Shadow shoes touch the alarms system and it went on so now Eggman knows that there are introducers in here where the craws where at. “Dr. we have introducers in the craws section” “Hm introducers let me see” he put on the cameras and saw Suna and Shadow “Well well well if I’m not surprise we have two hedgehogs Shadow and…Oh and that girl Suna the hedgehog hehehe exerted” “Shadow we have to get out of here fast we now only have three minutes before the bombs explored” “Ok then let’s go” Suna and Shadow left and hurry to where they have been before but then it was to late Eggman robots are here and they where trap ---- Sean: ....she has a vision on her headband? Jeff: I guess. And apparently Dr. Well has an introducer in his craw. Sean: the author isn't even trying, is she now? Jeff: Dunno. I'm just trying to understand what the crap "... and that girl Suna the hedgehog hehehe exerted" is supposed to mean. Sean: Don't think about it too much. You'll hurt yourself. Jeff: RIght. Let's go on ---- “Robots get that hedgehog…The female one” “Umm Shadow what now?” Shadow remembers something that Rouge said when Suna got the master emerald. “You know...You have to use those ability’s with Shadow because if you do you and Shadow well be Impossible for Eggman to beat us” “Suna let’s us our light arrows to hit all of those robots” “Oh alright and let’s do it” both of them used the light arrows and hit all of the robots “Shadow we now only have one minute we have to hurry” “Ok then I have to used chaos control now” but then Eggman show up ---- Jeff: And randomly a sentence spoken in the present tense... Sean: At least she has the courtesy to mark flashbacks in italics. Jeff: It's a step up at least, but any number is higher than zero... Jeff: Oh, and light arrows. Sean: Choas Spear. Yes I did that intentionally. Jeff: Next ---- “Not so fast you two Suna it been a while how are things going are you ready to get hurt really bad with my robots?” it turns out that the robot craws can also come inside of the ship “So give me the chaos emerald and my robots craw won’t hurt you so give it to me” “Don’t even think about it Dr. we where never give you the chaos emerald but it would be nice to fight but we gota go farewell Dr. CHAOS CONTROL!” Just then Shadow used chaos control and left but then it was already time for those craws to be destroyed and when Eggman realize about it he rush to main base and left the ship when it was already destroyed and yet Suna and Shadow made it out just in time “You’re ok Suna” “Yeah I’m ok…what’s going to happen to Eggman?” “He probable made it out already” “AHHHH I’M GOING TO GET THAT GIRL AHHHH” ---- Sean: These conflicts are ended too quickly. Jeff: Maybe she wants to hurry through the battles so she can get back to glorifying her Mary Sue Author Insert. (MSAI for short.) Sean: Of course. Jeff: And seriously, who yells like that? AHHHH I HATE THIS STUPID FANFIC AHHHH Sean: Heh Jeff: Let's move it along ---- “Hehe well he got beaten by a girl again” “That’s already two times already two times “ “He’s never going to stop yelling is he?” “No guess not” “GRRRRAHHH I’M GOING TO GET YOU SUNA!!” so me and Shadow made it out safe and the others where there something with Chris which is finally finish his work and me and Shadow just sitting there looking at the sunset going down with the chaos emerald of course. ---- Sean: INCOMING ROMANCE SCENE Jeff: Everyone feel free to prepare their own projectile vomit. Sean: Moving along? Jeff: Yes ---- “Umm Shadow…Thank you for saving me back there from that craw” “No problem just next time be more careful when I say duck” “Oh really like when I told you about the alarm system” “Sorry didn’t heard you about it” “Umhm…Well I guess I still have a good time but yet I wanted to ask you something how did you know about me being here?” “Because I remember being here when I was coming for the chaos emerald” “Oh yeah and Shadow thank you again for the flowers that you gave me two days ago they look nice” “Hmm yeah well I thought you might like them and…”Just before he was still talking Suna kiss Shadow on the check for everything he has done. “That was for everything that you have done for me thank you” but then Shadow was speckles and his face was totally red but yet Suna had a good time even with Shadow but yet Shadow thought that it well be ok to be with Suna for a little bit even hold her hand for a pretty long time. ---- Jeff: ... Jeff: This has gone on for a long time. What is this, like, chapter 10? Sean: ....5 Jeff: *PROJECTILE VOMIT'D* Sean: *Duck* Jeff: You're kidding! Jeff: We're less than halfway through this?! Sean: This is the end of Chapter 5 Sean: any comments on the chapter in general? Jeff: This fanfic STILL isn't good... what a surprise. Jeff: But I really am curious as to what the author has against Dr. Well's craw Sean: and now Chapter 6, which is part of a..two part...thing. Sean: Chapter 6: The capture of Suna part 1 Jeff: Hopefully they never give her back. Sean: We're again aking for too much Jeff: Next? ---- Well everybody got back from the beach yesterday and now Dr. Eggman hates me even more even by hurting his robots for no reason at all but I'm just doing it to protect station square well anyways I'm in my room smelling the flowers that Shadow got me for a very long time and also thinking about what happen when they saw the sunset. "Hmmm...Shadow you do get me beautiful flowers got I ever like so much hmmm…Oh maybe I can put someone that I like in my locket” So Suna got her stuff to put a picture on her locket and when she did she was happy when she did it. “Umhm there much better now I have some important in there and I like it and maybe I should have told Shadow why I kiss him at the beach but yet I guess I won’t tell him” “Suna lunch!!” “Ok aunt Ella I’m coming” So Suna put her stuff away and put her locket around her neck and left to the diner room where everybody was having there lunch but yet Sonic still wanted to talk to her about what she was doing with Shadow at drawn. ---- Jeff: We duel... at DRAWN! Sean: *Sigh* Jeff: So she digs the friendly, neighborhood sociopath Sean: Of course. Jeff: 'Cuz he's "SOOOOO KUWAII" or something equally homosexual and illogical ---- “Hey Suna I want to ask you something” “Hum yeah well what is it?” “Well it’s about what happen when the sunset was coming down and everything well what have you and Shadow been doing all that time?” “I told you since yesterday Sonic just nothing and besides we where just talking and everything nothing happens between me and Shadow ok, ok” “Alright just asking” ---- Jeff: And why would Sonic give a rip, other than the slightly-obvious fact that she gave the emerald over to the ensamble dark horse Sean: He's a nosy prick? Jeff: I guess Sean: Anything else? Jeff: My head asplode. Let's go on. ---- But then some was up with Dr. Eggman and he still wanted to get rid of Suna “Hum, Hum, Hum” “Oh boy what are you thinking Dr. Eggman you been thinking the hold time so you found anything good on your mind?” “No I haven’t but I know what to do with Suna” “Ohhh…bff...Bff… that girl that you…biff… have…been beaten...Bff...Biff...Bf...Hahahahha” “Err that’s not funny don’t forget what I say about last time and of course you don’t what to kept an eye on her once I kidnap her do you?” “What Dr. are you crazy once you do that she’ll be just like Sonic or Shadow” “Hum true but what if she doesn’t” “What, what are you mean she doesn’t…Ohhhh I know what you are thinking Dr. you’re a genies” “Hehe I know begon I am a genies and it well happen tomorrow and Suna well see how it like to mess with me BWHAHAHAHAHAHAH” ---- Sean: Poor Eggman.... Jeff: What is up with the Bfffffff'ing? Sean: I think it's supposed to be laughter. Jeff: Dr. Well now has a pet Begon. Jeff: Whatever that is. Sean: Bagon, the Pokemon! Jeff: DUN DUN DUUUN! ---- “Suna it’s me Amy can I come in?” Once Amy said that Suna hurry to put the stuff that she was looking at and hurry to the door. “Come in” “Hey hope I’m not browning ya?” “Oh well your not so what is Amy?” “Oh well I rather say it but I know what happen yesterday Suna and I know what you did to Shadow” “Huh Umm what are you talking about Amy?” “Well you see I was walking by to talk to you for something because Sonic wanted to talk to you about something well once I found you talking to Shadow you got closer and closer and once you did you kiss Shadow” “EKKK Amy I don’t believe you found out Umm, Umm look you don’t tell anybody about this ok no one promise” ---- Jeff: The drama in this story reminds me of Pepsi Jazz Jeff: AKA: Absolutely no redeeming qualities whatsoever Sean: Nothing noteworthy here, just Suna being embarrased about being caught kissing Shadow Sean: I SAW SUNA KISSING SHADOW CLAUS wait what? Jeff: Lawlz. Now she has the EMO Sean: The what? Jeff: THE EMOOOOOOOOOO! UWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!! Sean: ...I don't have to put up with this... Tails Doll: ORLY? Sean: Dammit Sean: Moving right along.... ---- “Alright I won’t tell anybody alright because I don’t think you are going to like it by the way you are looking at me in a sad way and everything so don’t worry I won’t tell anybody” “Thanks Amy” “No problem that’s what friends are for well I gota go ok well good night Suna” “Good night Amy” “Oh now I remember that and maybe you can spend a night at my place pretty soon” “Oh well ok I would like that” “Awesome well see you tomorrow ok bye” “Bye” So once when Amy left Suna went to bed and hope that her slumber party well be tomorrow ---- Sean: SLUMBER PARTY! YAY! AND BY YAY I MEAN IT'LL BE THE MOST BORING CHAPTER EVER! Jeff: What's this about a slumber party? I don't recall ANYONE talking about that before now Sean: I think it's gonna be after this Capture of Suna chapters. Jeff: Well, let's move on ---- Well it was already morning and Suna was getting ready for breakfast and then Cream and cheese wanted Suna to go over to sliver valley but first she was getting ready to go because Cream and cheese already went over there. “So I guess I see you around Ella bye” “Bye Suna but be careful” “Don’t worry Ella I’m always careful ok later” “Suna!” when someone called her name it was Sonic that was telling her later and to be more careful when Dr.Eggman show up so she said ok and left over where Cream and cheese are but they where already picking up flowers over there. “Aren’t they pretty Cheese?” “Chao, Chao, Chao” “I hope Suna like them because they are only for Amy Sleepover even thou this is going to be a exciting day” ---- Sean: Capture should be happening very shortly. Jeff: They're going BACK to that stupid Sliver Valley? Sean: so much for variety. Sean: Also, the Slumber party will NOT be exciting. I can see it coming a mile away, it will suck and be boring and I will hate it. Sean: Anything you wanna add? Jeff: No. Let's just go on. *Sigh* ---- “Chao, Chao” But then Eggman was watching to see if Suna show up when Cream and cheese are picking up flowers “Dr.Eggman we can not found Suna anywhere” “What, what do you mean that Suna is not on there it’s been two hours since we wanted and now she’s not here?” “Oh never mind she’s coming” when Eggman show the screen he saw Suna running right towards Cream and Cheese. “Oh so she finally show up hey begon degon prepare for the kidnapping cage” “Over Dr. prepare for kidnapping cage” when the cage was set they where aiming for Cream and Cheese but then Cheese saw the cage and warn Cream “Chao, Chao!!” ---- Sean: Yep, capture is in progress. Jeff: Seriously, why give a rip about Suna? Sonic and Shadow are far bigger pains in Eggman's tail than she could ever hope to be. Jeff: Begon and Degon? Does she mean, maybe, Decoe and Bocoe or maybe even Bokkun? Sean: ...quite possibly. I wouldn't be surprised. Jeff: Either way, Dr. Well has a Bagon now. Sean: Wonderful. Also, the chao isn't going to be able to help because he can't speak plain english Jeff: Yeah... well, let's move on, quickly ---- “Huh what is it Cheese?” but then Cream saw the cage as well when Cheese was telling her “Ahhhh” “Huh say that was Cream voice so that’s mean oh no Cream Cheese I’m coming!!” So when Suna was on her way the cage was going for Cream and Cheese but then Suna came and push both of them out but then Suna got catch in the cage she was doing everything but it didn’t work. “What it’s, it’s not working non of my stuff work huh oh no my locket I can’t reach” “Suna!!” “Chao, Chao, Chao!!” “I’m ok just go tell Sonic fast ok Cream?” “Ok I’ll be right back” “Well, Well, Well, what a surprise it’s Suna the hedgehog how cute you seem to fell for my trap hahaha” ---- Sean: IT'S A TRAP! Jeff: You have fallen for Dr. Well's vaguely laid-out trap. Jeff: And now your duex ex machina belt can't save you! Sean: Well at least she didn't uber-break out of it with one hit. that's...something Jeff: Yeah, but this way all the men have to pine over her until they save her Sean: DAMMIT! Jeff: Let's move on ----- “Your, your trap?!” “Hahah of course but using Cream as my trap for you to save but it seems to late hahaha begon degon let’s go to my layer” “Right Dr. to the layer” but then it was to late for Suna and yet Cream got her locket and hope she doesn’t look what inside but then Shadow show up again and was trying to get the chaos emeralds but then when they where going for a battle Cream and Cheese show up. “SONIC HELP!!” “Cream Cheese why are you two crying and where’s Suna?” “…suff…Suna…Suna…” “Suna what Cream Suna what, what happen to Suna?” “Suna got kidnap by Eggman” “Chao, Chao” both of them where stock even for Ella and everybody but then Bonco show up ---- Jeff: LAYER?! I JUST MET 'ER! OOOOOOOOOH! BURN! Sean: *Sigh* Jeff: Both of them where stock?! Amazing! I've been wondering about the stock market for a while too. Sean: Also, who's Bonco? Jeff: The missing fifth Marx brother? Jeff: *Suddenly dawns a small bowler hat, a thick moustache and a cigar* Craziest thing I ever done saw. Sean: ....right Jeff: *Returns to normality* Sorry. It's a bit before your time. Heck, it's a bit before MY time... Sean: Let's just continue ---- “Message from Dr.Eggman” but then Shadow grab Bonco on his neck. “Bonco what have you done to Suna where is she now!!” “Relates she’s ok I’m surprise that you are worry about her or unless you love her” “BONCO!” “Ok, ok I show you where she is I show you where she is” when Bonco turn on the T.V. that he has Dr.Eggman show up. “Hello Sonic it’s been a while but I have someone here I wanted to show you bwhahahaha” when he show them Suna, Suna was still in that cage trap in there “Sonic help me” “Suna!!” “Shadow, Shadow help me” “Ohh you two like each other well if you what your girlfriend back Shadow all Sonic has to do is to give me the chaos emerald and your little girlfriend Suna well be alright” ---- Sean: WE GOT A HOSTAGE SITUATION! Jeff: Whah-whah-whaaaah. This TOTALLY hasn't been done in any form of media in the Sonic franchise ever! *Cough*SonicAdventure2*cough*... ---- “Shadow help” “Suna!” “You have just one day to think about it but if it’s no Suna is going bye-bye and never see her again bwhahaha, bwhahaha” “Shadow!!” “No, no Suna!!” when the T.V. turn off he didn’t know what to do even for Sonic and the others and when Bonco left with a bomb now Shadow got really, really mad. “Don’t worry Suna I’ll save you even if I have no course but to give him the chaos emeralds” To be continued ---- Sean: DUN DUN DUUUUN! Jeff: Wow. Hmm... let's see... save the Sue... protect one of the seven most powerful energy sources known to man... Jeff: Well, I know what I would do Sean: Abandon the Sue? Jeff: Yeah. Jeff: Well, let's move on Sean: Chapter 7: The capture of Suna part 2 ==== |
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| Sean | Jul 6 2008, 04:45 PM Post #3 |
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The ⑥of Four Against Nature
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---- Last time on Suna the hedgehog Cream and cheese wanted Suna to go with them to get more flowers from Sliver Valley but then Eggman has something in plan he wanted to capture Suna by making Cream and Cheese her bite but then when Eggman was going to get Cream and Cheese Suna came for there rescue and beside getting them capture Suna was and Suna told them to worn Sonic and the others that she as kidnap but now since Eggman got Suna and using her for the chaos emerald Shadow doesn't know what to do now to see how can they save Suna. ---- Sean: well, that's the summary of events... Jeff: Because in case you read this far, you might need to reboot your brain anyways so why not? Sean: Right ---- "Oh-no Suna got capture by Eggman oh-no this is terrible what can we do?" "Don't worry Amy we well save Suna from him and try to get a chaos emerald" "What you want to give Eggman the chaos emerald!?" "Yes it's the only way to save her Amy it's the only way" "Yeah and I'm making something for Eggman but Sonic have to go along to save Suna and..." "No" "Huh?" it was Shadow who didn't want Sonic to go save Suna and interrupted Tails. "No I don't want Sonic to save her I want to. I promise her mother that I well protect her from him and make sure that she's ok... And let me give him the chaos emerald and it's the only way to save Suna for good" ---- Jeff: Why would Mr. Gun-toting Emo Sociopath make an agreement like THAT with her mom? Sean: Again, plothole. Jeff: Maybe "Character Derailment" would be a better term Sean: Well put ---- "Alright Shadow you go save her and you promise her mother to protect her so you can go and save Suna form him" "Thanks Sonic I well like that to go save her" "And it's done I make a fake chaos emerald for Eggman if Eggman doesn’t know about this she can be save but if he does then where there’s nothing we can do but give him the chaos emerald and maybe just maybe you can get the chaos emerald that Dr. Eggman has" "So with this fake chaos emerald I can save Suna and maybe just maybe I can get the others chaos emerald from Eggman? Alright then but I well ask Rouge for help and save Suna" ---- Sean: Recycling stuff from Sonic Adventure 2! Fantastic! Jeff: I well like that to go save her... Jeff: Cripes, this makes Kamen Rider: World look awesome in comparison ---- When Shadow was getting ready to go and tell Rouge about what happen Shadow and Rouge were going to go save Suna but then Eggman was thinking that they maybe up to something very bad. "Hmm you know I keep thinking that they maybe up to something besides getting to chaos emerald hmm I don't like this at all Bengon Dengon make sure you keep an eye on that girl I don't want her to leave and make sure those electric cage is on got it? "We got it Doctor" "Yeah we got it" but then Suna was worry that they well never think if something to save her but hope they do. "Oh Shadow please hurry" ---- Jeff: Now it's not just Bagon. Now it's BENGON DENGON! Jeff: Sounds like some new kid's show. BENGON DENGON! Sean: And so the rescue begins! ---- Shadow and Rouge well on there way to go save her with Rouge plane and they where almost there and Shadow has the fake chaos emerald to give to Eggman and get Suna out of there. "Were almost there Shadow but let's make a surprise thing for Eggman and get the chaos emerald and make sure that you give him that one alright... Hmm Shadow hey Shadow why are you listening to me huh Shadow?" Shadow was thinking about Suna and hope to see her again. "Suna we well get you and hope that you well be ok" "HEY SHADOW!!" "Hmm what is it Rouge" "Well you stop your daydreaming where here and I been waiting for two minutes and yet you won't listen to me look I know that you are worry about you girlfriend but yet we well get her and save her ok? Hmm what Shadow, Shadow hey where are you" but what Rouge didn't know is that Shadow already left to go save Suna but didn't know that he was being watch by one if Eggman robots ---- Sean: Wait...I thought Shadow said he HAD to do this alone...but now he brings help? WTF? Jeff: Now he's also indecisive JEff: Terrific. Jeff: Well, not much to say Jeff: Let's go on ---- "Oh boy” “What is it Dengon?” “Shadow here and I think he has the chaos emerald too" "Really well let him in and make sure that it is the chaos emerald alright" "Alright since you say so let’s do it" When Shadow was still looking for the door in Eggman's hide out the door open from under the ground so Shadow went inside and Rouge went inside as well to go look for Suna. "Man this place is dirty and it sooo dark in here I can't see" "Stop your crying Rouge and let's see to were we have to go alright?" "Oh alright but still, poor Suna she must be really worry about us to see if we can save her you know?" "Yeah I know" but then Dengon and Bengon told Dr. Eggman that Shadow was here but they didn't saw Rouge on the scream ---- Jeff: And in spite of Rouge's very, very hostile attitude towards the Sue, now she's concerned Sean: Everyone's loving the sue now. Wonderful. Jeff:  ---- "Doctor Shadow is here and he has the chaos emerald with him as well" "Very good now all we have to do is that we want and see if he does make to were his little girlfriend is hahahah" but then Rouge was right Suna was thinking about then to see that they well save here. "Hmm Shadow I hope her hurry or anybody" so Shadow and Rouge were already inside if Dr.Eggmans layer and can't seem to find Suna anywhere. "Hmm I don't understand we look everywhere but yet no Suna hmm Rouge you found anything hmm umm Rouge what are you looking at?" "Hmm oh something I was thinking maybe there's a hard wall in here and if there is maybe we can find Suna" "I get it now but yet how many walls can we well knock on even thou that all if them are cover on mud?" "Well there's only one way to found that out Shadow well let's knock on these walls to see which is hard" but then Rouge ended up falling when the wall move and there's was light but then when he take a look there was Suna sitting on the floor with her head down. ---- Jeff: Doctor Shadow is here! That's probably the most logical line this story as so far seen Sean: They also found Suna really quickly. so much for a possibly good chapter. Jeff: Yeah... Sean: Shall we move on? Jeff: Yes ---- "Suna!!" "Ohh my head oh there's your girlfriend but where's the chaos emerald hmm?" Rouge left to go look for them and Shadow was trying to wake up Suna. "Suna wake up it's me Shadow" "Hmm ohh Shadow it's you I'm happy to see you again but how did you came all the way over here?" "There’s no time to explain all that I have to do is to get you out of here ok?" "Well ok but how?" "Hmm I don't know but don't worry I well get you out of here" "Not so fast Shadow do you have want I always wanted the chaos emerald" Dr. Eggman show up for his little emerald but then something was brothering Shadow where was Rouge? "Hmm Nope not here hmm nope not here hmm nope not here either what hold on a sec that's the power force on this little layer maybe just maybe I can turn the light off and Shadow can get his little girlfriend out of there and I can get my chaos emerald" ---- Sean: Hmm nope not here hmmm nope not here hmmm nope Jeff: This story makes me remember why I stopped writing fanfiction years ago Sean: *Sigh* Anything else we need to cover? Jeff: No. Let's hurry on. ---- "I won't let you hurt Suna Doctor" "Oh really well this cage can't get Suna out as well but if I press this little button Suna well have a electric attack but I won't of you give me the chaos emerald what do you say Shadow don't you care for your little girlfriend right here?" Shadow didn't know want to do but he really care for Suna but can he give him the fake chaos emerald even if he check but then the lights went off even where Shadow and Eggman where at. "Wha-What, What happen here why are all the lights are out" but then Shadow used a homing attack and got Suna out. "Come on Suna let's get out of here" "Ok" so Shadow carry Suna out of the cage and left but Shadow left the chaos emerald be hide and when Shadow and Suna where leaven Rouge show up and have the chaos emerald. "Rouge did you turn off the lights?" "What do you think of course I did and besides I was also think about you two as well" "Oh well thank you Rouge" "No problem and beside you two love birds are together again right" "Umm love birds Shadow what is she talking about?" "You don't want to know alright but now since the lights are off how can we get out of here?" ---- Sean: *Sigh* This is boring. Jeff: Insanely. I can't even be sarcastic about this part either Sean: They're going to escape easily, this I can predict Jeff: Probably. Jeff: Just like the fights all last three sentences. ---- "I think I know how?" Suna got her headband off of her hair and Shadow and Rouge found out that her headband can be the ones that can see under the dark so Shadow and Rouge listen to what she has to say and they saw the light to get out and they left Eggmans layers with no lights which got Eggman really mad. "AHHHHH my layer is all dark I well get that hedgehog and... Oh well, well, well seems like he left a chaos emerald hahahahahah this is perfect I'm telling this is perfect hahaha huh?" but then his little emerald was turn into dist. "My emerald NOOOOOOOOOOOOO" "Should well tell him what happen to the other emeralds" "No lets not" "What do you mean other emeralds?" "Oh-on well umm you see umm" "Rouge toke all the emeralds that we had" "So no emeralds NOOOOOOOO I WELL GET THEM AND DESTORYED THEM AT ALL TIMES AHHHHHH!!" ---- Sean: Wait....what? when did the real emeralds get stolen? I don't remember that,. Jeff: me either. Jeff: My prediction: Suna gets a Super form before it's all said and done Sean: Probably. Sean: And what is with the last line? Destoryed them at all times? Jeff: Apparenty he wants to destroy them around the clock. Or maybe travel back in time and kill them more than once. Sean: Move on? Jeff: Yep ---- “His not going to stop screaming is he?” “No guess not wanna play some cards?” “Sure” so Suna and Shadow well talking before they go back to Chris's house. "So umm Shadow thank you for saving me but what ever happen to the chaos emerald?" "Well let's just say that it was a fake chaos emerald that Tails made and it's was the only way to save you" "Oh I see... Shadow can you give me a favor?" "Hmm" "Can you close your eyes?" ---- Sean: ....predictable +1 Jeff: Dear God, if what happens next is what I think is gonna happen next... I WILL DIE... oh... wait. Never mind. Scratch that. Sean: Let's find out. ---- "Umm close my eyes?" "Umm yeah" "Oh well umm alright there close now what?" but then Suna kiss Shadow on the lips when Shadow open his eyes but this time he was turning red when he saw what she did but yet he got speechish again. "Thank you Shadow for everything" so now everything was ok expect for Shadow even thou he was still speechish but he did understand for everything so Suna got back home and everybody was happy but then Knuckles show up and wanted to hug Suna but then Amy Show up and hit him again for the thousand times already but yet she still likes Shadow a lot now but now does Shadow loves her. "Hmm I guess she told her own feeling like I did with the flowers I kept giving her I guess now she knows what I feel" ---- Sean: .... Jeff: He got speechish. That's kind of like a hybrid of peaches and Spanish. Sean: so...was your prediction accurate? Jeff: Unfrotunately, YES Sean: That ends Chapter 7 Jeff: Thank God *BRRRRRING* Sean: ...Wha? Tails Doll: *Drops in* You get a break. Sean: Oh. Jeff: Let's go back to lounge and discuss... Sean: Right! ===HALF TIME DISCUSSION=== Jeff: So what we have here is a typical author-insert-Mary-Sue-I'm-so-important-look-at-me-make-the-canon-characters-lurve-me type fanfic Sean: Pretty much. Sean: Canon is borderline nonexistant, spelling is horrendous, and there's run on sentences at every bloody turn. Jeff: Punctuation is nigh-on-non-existent. Spelling CONSISTENCY is laughable. Jeff: The general rule with most stories is they get better as they go on, but that doesn't seem to be the case here Sean: The romance Sub-plot is so bad I'll probably like the one in the Sonic RPG better. Jeff: Actually, I'm gonna try to give the up-coming Sonic titles are fair chance. But if I see ANY signs of ANYONE or ANYTHING named "Suna" I'll be obligated to set it aflame. Sean: *Shudder* Jeff: I mean, seriously... why would you change your name after a transformation unless you were a Kamen Rider? Sean: I guess to protect her identity. Jeff: She was ABANDONED AND DENIED by her sole parental figure even mentioned in the story, she's a Mary Sue character with a UTILITY BELT unseen since the creation of Bat Man, super speed (of course) and all the males at the VERY LEAST like her, if not obsess over her Sean: So yeah, it's a standard crapfic. Jeff: Basically. Sean: Anything else we need to cover about this story? Jeff: Allow me, if you will, to quote James "The Angry Video Game Nerd" Rolfe. Jeff: THIS IS HORRIBLE! WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?! Sean: I can answer that very simply. The Author was not thinking at all during the production of this fanfiction. Jeff: Nicely put. Jeff: I guess that wraps up our comments? Sean: I suppose so. Back to the viewing room? Jeff: As soon as the alarms - *alarm* - go off. *Sigh* Yes. Sean: *walks back to the viewing room* Jeff: *Follows* Sean: Let's begin Chapter 8: Sleepover at Amy house. Sean: Sleepover at Amy house? Jeff: Amy House. Like Animal House, only not. ---- Today was a beautiful day at station square we stop Eggman and he got trick thinking that the chaos emerald that Shadow have give him was fake and now me and Shadow are dating now and I guess Amy was right Shadow did care about me so much but now today I'm going to go spend a night where Amy, Cream, and Cheese lived at there house so I was getting ready to go over there and of course Amy was there but Cream and Cheese ended u staying home to clean up the house so it was going to be fun being over there. "Oh it's going to be great you are going to sleepover at my house we can stay up all night if we have to and it can be like a party!!" "Oh yeah it's is going to be great but you know you don't have to come over you can just give me a map to find your house thou" "No, No and beside you need a break from being in gave danger and being hostage from Eggman but you know I can't stop think when Shadow left to go save you he take a long time for him to come and save you unless something happen right?" "Oh umm... well... umm... well he did take a long time to save me but we just rest for a little and... umm... well we just talk and everything... and umm... heheh" "Ok what happen between to two of you?" "Huh oh you mean me and Shadow well it's our little secret so I'm not telling you not yet" ---- Jeff: Back to first-person perspective. Sean: You know, saying you're not telling pretty much answers it as is. Jeff: It's is going to be great. Unlike this fanfic. Sean: *Sigh* Jeff: next? ---- "What aw man oh well, well you better finish packing because Cream and Cheese are waiting for us to go over there ok?" "Aw right well I am already finish so let's get going" "Ok let's go" but then someone got Suna's hand and it was Knuckles holding Suna hand the hold time. "Hello Suna how are ya you look so hot as usual listen I was think about tomorrow do you what to take a walk on a nice Romanic forest and when the moon set's by we can make out or something?" "Umm" and then Amy just show up and hit Knuckles really hard with her hammer again as usual "How many times do I have to tell you she doesn't like you just leave her along already and go like someone else" "I'LL BE BACK SUNA AND THINK ABOUT TOMORROW!!" "Ok I was right that guy never gives up when it comes for girls oh boy I guess next time I'll hide form him" ---- Sean: Knuckles the Stalker is back. Jeff: Knuckles the stalker - coming soon to the 32x! Jeff: *Sigh* Sean: Damn... Sean: I'd say he's not that pathetic in canon. Jeff: Gullible, yes. Desperate, no. ---- well when Amy was done dragging Knuckles away from me we left the house and we where on our way to Amy's house her house was a nice apartment she was staying on the tenth floor and Cream and Cheese where there waiting for me and Amy to show up at her apartment. “Suna you made it here” “Chao, Chao” “Hey you guys, wow Amy your apartment looks great and well clean” “That’s why I have Cream and Cheese here with me as always” “It’s going to be fun with you here and it’s going to be great where going to have so much fun I hope we don’t get tired” “Chao, Chao” “Well as long we don’t get tired we can still have fun and have a great time right Suna?” “Right” “Ok then well let’s make some dinner already and deserts” “Ok” “Chao, Chao!!” ---- Sean: And so the sleepover begins. Sean: Also known as the cure for insomnia. Jeff: Apartment? In season 1 they lived with the Thorndykes - excuse me, the Torndakes - and in season 2 Amy owned a house Jeff: AND SOMEONE SHOOT THE CHAO ALREADY! Sheesh Sean: Oh wow even more breaking of canon too. Also yes, the Chao needs to die. ---- So we did everything that we wanted to do we make pizza and cake for us but then Amy won’t stop thinking of something, something was bordering her so I have to find out why. “Say Amy can I talk to you along?” “Umm sure” so Amy and Suna went outside of her apartment to found out what was bordering her. “Ok what’s bordering you, you been acting that way ever since we started making food even the cake is something troubling you?” “Yes it is I’m a bad friend” “What Amy why are you saying that you’re not a bad friend” “Of course I am” “What then why are you saying that?” “Well I was worry sick about you and Shadow was taking to long to save you so I went to see if there was something bordering Shadow so I was a the forest and I saw you and Shadow talking but then when I saw I wanted to come up to you but then you got closer and closer to Shadow and then you kiss him and it was a Romanic thing that you two have but the problem is that Sonic didn’t like me” “Really so you spy on me and Shadow” ---- Jeff: Something bordering her? Like a country? Sean: XD Jeff: "I'm a bad friend". Cuz we all know that's how we talk in real life Sean: Jeff. I kicked you in the balls. I'm a bad friend. Jeff: Yes. You are a very bad friend. Now my dialogue is being written by 4kids. Ow. Ow. Ow. You're a very bad person and for some reason the lettering is missing off my hat. Jeff: Okay, I'm better now. *gets up* ---- “Yes I’m sorry Suna I guess I was thinking that maybe Sonic well do that to me one day as well but I guess not” “Don’t get your hopes up Amy pretty soon Sonic well like you I know he well and you know I did saw a very nice pink shell he had in his room” “What he did are you sure?” “Of course I’m sure and you know maybe he does like you but maybe he doesn’t want to show it at all you know what I mean?” “Yeah I know what I mean thanks for cheering me up Suna I guess I’m not a bad friend and who knows maybe he does care about me and does love me but didn’t want to show it and everything” “Yeah maybe he does so let’s have some fun and watch a movie and stay up all night until we get all tired alright?” “All right Suna I’ll do that” but then someone got Suna’s hand and it was Knuckles again coming out of no where but this time he was needing down also his head. “Sooo Suna my lovely hottie girl have you think about what I say today and hoping that you well go out with me” “Umm” but then Amy hit Knuckles again and started dragging him and throwing him in the air. ---- Sean: He doesn't quit. Jeff: *Sigh* Jeff: Yes, because Knuckles is a pathetic love-starved idiot who obsesses with GIRLS while he should be protecting the world's most powerful jewel... Sean: Someone doesn't actually pay ATTENTION to the games apparently :-D ---- “Didn’t I told her before she doesn’t what to go out with you go ask someone else!!” “I’LL BE BACK MY LOVE!!” “Once again he never gives up” “You can say that again” but then Amy heard foot steps and she thought it was Knuckles again so she was getting ready to send out her hammer again to hit him but then when she turn around it was Shadow and yet she hit him and there was a bump on his head. “Oh Shadow AHHHHHHHH OH NO I’M SO SORRRY I THOUGHT YOU WHERE KNUCKLES THAT WAS SPYING US AGAIN AND WELL…UMM…UMM…AHH I’M SO SORRY!!” “It’s ok but can I talk to Suna along please?” “Oh umm ok well later” Amy run out very fast feeling sorry for herself thinking that it was Knuckles but not. ---- Jeff: This chapter is so mind-numbing, my razor wit is being widdled into a butterknife Sean: Seriosuly.... Sean: I'm even firetrucking up my spelling now. Jeff: Yeah. It's like a leech. ---- “I guess Amy is upset of her self so you wanted to talk to me?” “Yes I did I was think are you doing anything tomorrow?” “Umm no not at all why?” “Well I was thinking maybe it well be nice if I can take you to Sliver Valley tomorrow night and I can show you something that you may like and so you wana do that?” “I well love that sure I’ll go out with you” “Great so tomorrow night?” “Yeah I see you tomorrow ok well later” “Yeah later” so when I came back from talking to Shadow Amy, Cream, and Cheese where looking at me and heard everything that I got a date with Shadow so all night me and the girls watch movies and around 6:00 in the morning we went to sleep and when Sonic show up to check on us he saw us sleeping and woke us up with a loud voice. “GOOD MORNING LADIES!!” ---- Sean: Aww, a first date. That's probably next chapture and we're gonna hate it. Jeff: *Sob, sob* Sean: Anything else? Jeff: Back to SLIVER VALLEY Jeff: Again Sean: Bloody hell. Let's just move on. ---- “Sonic you idiot can you see that we where sleeping” “Yeah Sonic you woke us up that’s not cool at all” “Yeah Sonic like Suna said” “Chao, Chao” “What can I just do that and beside it’s only 7:00” “WHATTTTTT 7:0000” “Yeah 7:00 oh oh umm hehehehe say ladies you girls like me to give you something nice or something?” “Yeah we well like that but there is one thing we can do” but then both of us got our pillows and we where getting ready to hit him with it.” ---- Sean: WHATTTTTTT Jeff: 7:0000 Sean: Seriously, what is this miserable little pile of fail? Jeff: I... I have no idea Sean: ONE T and ONE 0 IS SUFFICIENT, PLEASE. Jeff: Well, 2 zeroes, since it was telling time Sean: ...oh lol I screwed up Jeff: But even then just "7" would've sufficed ---- “Oh Ahhhh!!” “SONICCCCCCC YOU IDIOTTTT!! GET BACK HERE SO WE CAN KILLL YOU WITH THISSS!!” “AHHHHHHH!! What, what ow, wo, say you guys ow!! Tails help me I’m being attack by girls Tails, Tails!!” “Umm I think I better leave already I don’t what to be attack by girls and there pillows” “WHATTT TAILS, TAILS GET BACK HERE OW, OW, OW SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF HERE!!” So me Amy, Cream, and Cheese where hitting Sonic with pillows with our angry looks of fames and when me and Sonic got back from Amy place everybody saw Sonic all beaten up from pillows fights and from the girls and Sonic was also mad at Tails. “…Tails…” “Umm…Yeah?” said Tails looking so scared “…Next time you are coming with me when…This happens like it or not your coming with…Me” Sonic past out and that well be the last time that he was going to do that. “I told not to go over there and look what happen to him” “You can say that again Chris you can say that again” ---- Sean: End Chapter 8 Jeff: Sean: Also, once again overusing letters Jeff: There are not words in the English language that explain my dismay Sean: So next chapter begins the date, which will be full of mush and fail and I'm going to hate it like I said with the sleepover which was borderline nothing and just set us up for the date. Jeff: I think my eyes are bleeding... Sean: Shall we move on to Chapter 9: A date with Shadow the hedgehog? Jeff: *Sigh* Yes. The sooner this is done the better off we'll be ---- Well it’s been like yesterday that Shadow and I where getting along very well as friends but now where dating and today is the day because Shadow and I are going to Sliver Valley on our date tonight so things are going to be pretty interesting at home. “Boy today just seems so interesting first me and Shadow were friends but now were in love and now having our first date hmmm oh I’m so nerves what I’m I going to do when I see him well first of course I’m going to meet him at Sliver Valley but what is he going to do are we just going to walk or something” when Suna was thinking she heard a sound from the living room and the voice sounded just like Knuckles and Amy. ---- Jeff: Sliver Valley... that can't be right. I wonder if she means "Silver Valley" which, if memory serves me right, has not appeared anywhere in any Sonic continuity ever Sean: I had no doubt that was the intended name but this Shadowgirl can't spell to save her life. Jeff: Blah, blah, blah... more talking. Let's move on, shall we? ---- “Knuckles for the last time leave her along she busy” “Awwww but, but Amy I just want to take a peek to is if she really is busy” “Ohhh no you don’t you get over here!!” “No wait ahhh!!” But when sound was gone Suna run to the living room and found Amy sitting on Knuckles back and Knuckles was there begging for his life to get out of there. “Awww come on Amy that’s not very nice for you to sit on me” “Oh don’t worry about it Sonic enjoyed it last time haha RIGHT SONIC??” Amy look at Sonic as if she was really mad at him when she have fire of evilness all over her with her evil eyes at him. ---- Sean: SITS OF DEATH Jeff: Amy must be a SIT USER! Jeff: *Whah-whah-whaaaaaah* Sean: ....*UMBRELLA WHACK* Jeff: OWW! Jeff: I think that was the author's attempt at perverse humor, but it just doesn't work when there's NO PUNCTUATION. Sean: Moving on.... ---- “…umm…hehehe no Amy not at all hahaha…some one help me” “Umm hey guys I was hearing all the noise so I came by to see what going on?” But when Knuckles saw Suna he had Amy jumped off of him and got her hand as he kneels. “Oh Suna you eyes caught me when I look at you with you pretty face and those pretty eyes I just have to say you look so beautiful I just have to say I love you Suna” “…umm…” but then Amy show up with her hummer and then hit Knuckles on the head again “Sorry Knuckles but it was for your own good so leave her along” “I’LL COME BACK SUNA FOR YOU LOVE AND HEART I’LL COME BACK!!” “Umm bye Knuckles” but then Suna looked at the time and it was time for her to go to Sliver Valley to go see Shadow. “Oh look at the time I have to go somewhere bye Sonic.” “Umm hey where are you going Suna” “Out” and she left while Sonic still needed to ask that question “Oh ok well bye” ---- Jeff: Ugh. This is so retarded Sean: Seriously Sean: Should we move on? Jeff: Yes. Hurriedly. ---- Suna was already at Sliver Valley waiting for Shadow, and while she was waiting for Shadow she just look at the moon and sometimes looking at the nice water were it seems peaceful and quite but while she was waiting for Shadow some show up and cover her eyes while she wasn’t looking. “Hi Suna” When Suna heard that voice she knows who it was and it was Shadow he was there the hold time. “Oh hi Shadow” “Hi Suna sorry I toke so long I have some things to do while I was coming over here I knew you where going to be waiting for me here.” “Oh it’s ok I was just looking at the moon” “Oh ok well should we get going?” “Oh umm ok” So Shadow and Suna walk to the woods of Sliver Valley and it look so nice and pretty with all the trees and the flowers everywhere they where but something caught an eye on Shadow when he wasn’t looking at Suna. ---- Sean: AWWWWW HOW ADORABLE A DATE UNDER THE MOONLIGHT  Sean: .....I'm tired. Jeff: RIDAH KICK!!! Sean: OW! Jeff: Ugh. This is ever furry fangurl's fantasy come to fruition. Sean: Seriously, this is just sad Jeff: Even the facepalm ceases to be sufficient Sean: *Sigh* ----- “Huh Umm Shadow are your ok?” “What’s that?” “Huh what’s what?” When she look at the same direction as Shadow was looking at they saw a big Island in the middle of all the water. “Wow what’s that it looks like some kind of Island on the middle of the water” “Yeah but what’s in that Island and the only way to know that is to us our hover shoes and go over there” “Yeah you’re right let’s go check it out Shadow” “Ok” So Shadow and Suna run to the Island and when they got there they saw a lot trees like it was some kind of jungle. “Wow this place sere is interesting is it Shadow oh umm Shadow?” Something was wrong with Shadow but he didn’t say a word to Suna all he did was just walk to the trees and started looking around. ---- Sean: They're gonna find something MYSTERIOUS LULZ on that island. Jeff: Shadow finally realized he was in a crappy fanfic and refused to speak so the author would let him commit seppuku in peace Sean: We can only hope. ---- For the past ten minutes all Shadow and Suna did was just looking around the Island and Shadow hasn’t say a thing to Suna but when he didn’t it got Suna worry. “Oh is it something I say to him that doesn’t seem right all we did was just looking at this Island and ever since we got here he seems different that all he well do is just being there so quite but maybe I ask him to many questions oh but unless he had something on his mind that just keeping him busy ohhhh I hope I didn’t say anything bad to him?” Poor Suna all she think of was just as if she have say something to Shadow that doesn’t seem right but then Shadow stop and look around to see what he was looking at but then he started walking again and Suna is starting to get very worry about him so she didn’t know what to do until. “Umm Shadow is it something I said because you seem quite is something wrong?” “Hmm we should found something here I think where close by at something hmm?” ---- Jeff: The author attempts to make us care about Suna. It's a lil' too late, sweetie. ---- “Where here” “Huh?” “What to see it you properly like if you see it for yourself” Suna was surprise that Shadow finally spoke to her and when she went to see what Shadow was talking about she saw something so pretty there was thousands and thousands of white glowing flowers everywhere and the flower where fly with the wind as they go. “Suna what you say before you didn’t have to worry about me ok it wasn’t something you said or that I have something in mind well soft of like that but I really, really love you and I don’t want you to go I want you to be here with me forever Suna” ---- Sean: Huh, I was wrong. It was just a flower field where Shadow professes his love for Suna. Jeff: ... "Want to see it you properly like if you..." whah? Sean: I don't know. Jeff: I just... it's... that... I... GRAGH! *headdesk* Sean: And we're still a good ways off from the end. Jeff: *Cries* ---- It make Suna cry because it show that Shadow really care about her the hold time and never what to let go of her and even so she cryed. “Huh Suna why are you crying did I make you cry?” “suff no Shadow you make me very happy to be here with you oh Shadow I love you to suff” And just when she say that Shadow put up a flower for her and put on her left ear to show how much he really loved her. “I love you to Suna the hedgehog” “Oh Shadow” And they kissed for there true happiness and when the flowers flying all over them. ---- Sean: AWWWWWWWWW *Gag* Jeff: *Forces fist down his throat, then vomits* Jeff: That's how this story makes me feel. Sean: O_O; D...damn. Jeff: You can tell a female is writing this. Jeff: If it was me writing this? Suna would be dead, at least four wars would've broken out and several cities would be leveled. Sean: But that's you. ---- Well it was a romantic time for them yesterday and she was sooo happy the she even told Amy about it. “Wow really ohh how romantic it make me soo jealous SONIC WHY DON’T YOU DO THAT TO ME?” And yet Sonic saw her evil looks again and show that she was really angry about and when she was soo angry about it make Sonic speechless. “Well…Umm…Knuckles a little help her please” “Sorry it’s your business not mind oh Suna” But then Amy also give him the evil look again to him and they where both hopeless for that. “YOU, YOU NEVER SHOW ME KINDNESS AND AS FOR YOU KNUCKLES LEAVE HER ALONG I KNOW THIS WELL MAKE YOU MAD BUT SHE ALREADY HAS A BOYFIREND AND IF YOU BOTH DON’T LIKE I’LL CRUSH YOU INTO BITS OF PAPER!!” ----- Sean: Once again, Knuckles the Obsessive enters. Jeff: And Amy goes into stereotypical female rage mode. Jeff: BROOKLYN RAGE! BROOKLYN RAAAAAGE! Sean: Wheee..... ----- “Ahhh umm Amy to harsh to harsh” “Huh wait a minute Suna you have a boyfriend?” “well yeah I’m sorry Knuckles” “Hmm then that means I have a rival and I well won you Suna” While Sonic was being attack by Amy knuckles kneel again. “My beuitful Suna I’ll promise you that you well be my wife Suna well you marry me?” “HUH?” ---- Jeff: God, make it end... Jeff: And if you mis-deliver your question so badly that you say "well you marry me" there's no chance in... well, here... that she'll ever say yes Sean: and this transcends Sad. Her love is for someone else and he just keeps running after her determined to marry her? That's....ugh. Jeff: Seriously... this is retarded. Let's move along quickly. ---- But when Amy heard that she quietly run to knuckles and told him while Sonic was still scared of her. “AND YOU, YOU STAYED AWAY FROM SUNA YOU IDOTS!!” “AHHHHH!!” “KNUCKLES RUN FOR YOU LIFE!!” “I AM SONIC I AM AHHHHH!!” “HEY YOU TWO GET BACK HERE!!” “Ahhh Sonic, Knuckles” “Hey I’m back from chirs lab is everything ok?” So Suna and Tails who show up watching Amy attacking Sonic and Knuckles running for there life and sometimes getting each other for them to be hit. ---- Sean: ...what's happening? Jeff: No idea. Jeff: I'm just confused. Sean: I guess Knuckles is getting his behind handed to him while everyone watches and laughs at his misfortune Sean: This also ends the chapter. Sean: Next is Chapter 10: A win for love. Jeff: Love - 1, Decent writing - 0 Sean: Shall we begin? Jeff: I guess. === |
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| Sean | Jul 6 2008, 04:45 PM Post #4 |
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The ⑥of Four Against Nature
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---- It’s been two mouth since Shadow and I have been dating but yet Knuckles jealous of us and yet he’s been watching me for a very long time but sometimes Amy keep beating him up a lot but anyways Shadow is now planning to take me somewhere but where. “Oh wow Shadow really it’s going to be a big surprise?” “Yes Suna but it’s going to be tonight ok so I’ll pick you up at 7:00 ok?” “Ok Shadow.” But then while Shadow and Suna were talking Knuckles was there watching them from the bushes. “Ok Shadow hmph how dare she’s dating him what’s kind of thing does he have that I don’t have I mean come oh sure there dating now but I have enough today I well fight Shadow and keep his butt of it’s the last thing I do.” Shadow was leaving and Suna say bye but then Knuckles show up. “Hey Shadow!” “Hmm?” “You and me will fight for Suna’s heart and get ready to fight!” “Hmph how annoying can you get I don’t want to fight you ok later much.” “What was that come here and fight like a man.” Knuckles was getting ready to hit Shadow but then Amy show up and hit Knuckles with her hummer again. “Knuckles you leave those two along sorry for the problem Shadow.” ---- Sean: Predictable +2 Jeff: Predictable - 2, Love - 1, Good writing - nil Sean: Can it get any worse? The Magic 8-ball says "It is likely" Jeff: Indeed. ---- “It’s ok Amy you may leave now.” “Ok come on Knuckles we have to go or else.” So Amy drags Knuckles away from and before he left Shadow Kiss Suna on the lips and Hope to have a great time with her without Knuckles getting in the way of their date tonight. Amy was mad with Knuckles and talk to him for thirty minutes. “And so Knuckles no matter how long you tried you can never get Suna to like you and how knows maybe someday you well make Suna remember that boy who transform her into a hedgehog.” “Huh what do you mean she didn’t tell me that?” “Oh she didn’t well you see Knuckles she use to be human until when she was little she was transform into a hedgehog so that’s why she’s here with her aunt Ella.” “Oh ok well since he’s not here and lives very far away I can hang with Suna.” “Oh no you don’t If I see you trying to ask Suna out on a date or something I well hurt you so hard I’ll hit you to all the way were Mr. Tanaka lives.” “Hmm hard words but not going to happen I’ll just go see Suna and ask you out.” “Huh Knuckles you get right back here.” “Later Amy.” So now Knuckles is thinking of a plain to make Suna go out with him and not Shadow but he doesn’t know where this big surprise is at. “Hmm I wonder where is that big surprise Shadow told her about at Chris’s house Hmm.” “Yes Suna but it’s going to be tonight ok so I’ll pick you up at 7:00 ok?” “Oh now I remember maybe I can follow them and see where it is ha that’s perfect so he said 7:00 a night hmm perfect maybe this time Shadow well fight me.” But Knuckles didn’t know that he was follow by Amy. “Oh no I have to warn Shadow about this.” ---- Jeff: More drama... Sean: Sucky Drama. Jeff: Like a soap opera for furries. ---- So it was night time and Shadow went to go pick up Suna at seven so they went for a work around the park then they run off to Sliver Valley were they met her mother but see it at night were everything was so beautiful and quite. “Wow Shadow so this is the big surprise.” “Yep just you and me along in a peaceful and quite place. Do you like it so far?” “Um-Hmm yeah I’m liking it so far.” But they didn’t know that Knuckles was there seeing them being together. “So this is the big surprise Sliver Valley. Hmm I thought it might be like a restraint or something oh well now for the big fight.” “Hmm?” “Huh umm Shadow what’s wrong?” “Hmm I feel like were not along.” “Sign it’s properly Knuckles again hmm you know he reminds me of that boy who won’t leave me along Edward.” “Hmm Edward?” “Oh well when ever I’m with a boy he always gets mad and beat him up with one of his machines and they guys won’t go near me because of him.” ---- Sean: Huh, that's totally not foreshadowing anything! Jeff: THAT MOTHER ****ING SLIVER VALLEY AGAIN?! Sean: .....ENOUGH SLIVER VALLEY DAMN YOU Jeff: And why would Knuckles expect a restraint? You don't do that on a date... Jeff: ... Jeff: ... well, not the FIRST date anyways... Sean: ...Oh...oh dear. Jeff: (sings) BIND YOU, CONFINE YOU, DEFYING YOUR REEEEEIGN! SONIC HEROOOOES! Sean: .....NOBODY NEEDS TO KNOW ABOUT THAT *nervously shifting eyes* ---- “Oh I see Knuckles what do you want I know you’re here.” “I want to fight you Shadow you and me right here right now.” “Oh boy he is asking for more trouble again… Amy you know what to do.” “Huh Amy she’s now here she’s properly with Sonic again as usually how can she…” but then someone hit Knuckles and he fainted but then someone got out of the bushes it was Amy carrying her hummer as always. “Hey Shadow hi Suna.” “Oh hello Amy.” “Thanks for keeping an eye on Knuckles Amy.” “No problem it what I do so right after this you well help he get close to Sonic right?” “Sign Yes I’ll Help you get right close to Sonic the hedgehog.” “Good well I’ll see you tomorrow bye Suna.” “Oh bye Amy.” So Amy left with Knuckles dragging him again as always so when they she left Suna was confuses if what was going on. “Umm Shadow what do you mean by Yes I’ll help you out getting close to Sonic.” “Well I was worried about Knuckles and I know you get so nice on him so I ask Amy for her help.” ---- Sean: Amy is the guardian angel, it seems, with a short trigger Jeff: Pipirupipipipipipirupipiiiii Sean: ...*Sigh* Jeff: All she needs is to spray copious amounts of blood and it'd work ---- “So Amy well you do it for me even thou Suna well get worried but I just don’t want Knuckles acting like an idiot on her so can you?” “Sure I’ll take good care of Knuckles but unless you give me one big favor.” “Hmm Oh boy ok what is it?” “You well help me get right close to Sonic and I’ll help you out with Suna Ok?” “Oh boy Ok I’ll do that.” “Good so YOU BETTER HELP ME OUT BECAUSE IF NOT I’LL HURT YOU WITH MY HUMMER GOT IT SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG!!” “Ok I got it.” “GOOD so see ya.” ---- Sean: Amy has a Hummer? Jeff: Damn. She's gonna run him down... Sean: Poor Shadow Jeff: Poor everyone. Anyone who's appeared in this fic merits pity. Sean: Except Anus Sean: I mean Suna Jeff: Yeah ---- “Boy that woman does get angry so quickly.” “Aww Shadow that’s was so nice of you but are you really sure your doing to do that.” “Yeah I’m sure about that but don’t worry I’m sure Sonic well get mad so let the worrying stop and have a great time ok and to tell you the truth this is not the big surprise.” “Huh it not?” “Nope now close your eyes and open your hand wide ok?” “Uhh ok.” So she did and shadow pulled out a little box and put it on her hand. ---- Sean: wait...little box? Sean: OH MY GOD Jeff: Dear God, I hope it's an Aperture Science Weighted Companion Cube and NOT what I think it is ---- “Huh Shadow wants this?” “Open it and your see.” She open and when she did she saw a beautiful ring with a sky blue diamond on it. “Oh Shadow it looks so beautiful.” “You know what that is?” “No.” “That is a promise ring that show that someday you well be my wife and we well always be together forever.” “Oh Shadow that is so sweet of you.” “May I?” Shadow pull out the ring from the box and Suna said yes she was happy that Shadow gives her a promise ring to show that one day they well get married then she kiss him on the lips and enjoyed the beautiful day at Sliver Valley. ---- Sean: .... Jeff: ... Sean: No. Sean: No. No. NO. Jeff: This is... just... ugh... retarded. ---- It was morning and Suna was happy to show Amy the promise ring that he given her last night. “Oh wow Suna I’m so happy for you.” “Yeah me to but how is Shadow going to get Sonic for you?” “Oh your see” “And Knuckles?” “Oh Knuckles I told him that his master emerald well get taken away if he’s not there so she run off and keep an eye on it so it well get him busy for a couple days but he’ll be back someday I know.” “Oh” but then Shadow show up and told Amy where Sonic is going. “Amy, Sonic going to the flowers if you want to go?” “EEEEEE OK BYE SUNA I’LL SEE YOU LATER TAKE CARE SHADOW, SONIC YOU BETTER NOT RUN OFF YOU!!” “Umm Shadow I think it well be impossible Sonic well find out about this.” “Actually I put some super glue on his shoes when he wasn’t looking so bye let me see five, four, three, two, one… ok the super glue should be working right now but I bet sonic well be right back for me so you want to come over to my place for a while?” “Sure I don’t mind.” So they left to Shadow’s house but as for Sonic he’s going to be in big trouble with Amy very soon. “AHHHHHH SHADOW I’M GOING TO GET YOU FOR THIS!!” “Sonic I’m so happy that you don’t want to leave me.” “AHHHH!!” ---- Sean: And the penultimate chapter ends with Sonic getting screwed over. Jeff: *Sigh* Poor guy. Sean: We're down to the last chapter. Sean: Are you ready? Jeff: Might as well get this one over with. Sean: Chapter 11: Uh-oh why do I hear wedding bells? Sean: ...wait, what? Sean: please tell me this isn't ending where I think it's going to end. Jeff: *Sighs again*. Predictable +3, Love + 1, Good writing - nothing ---- Well Knuckles stills doesn’t get it that Shadow and I are still dating but it’s like he never gives up and well it making Amy mad and with Shadow it doesn’t but somehow I got some feeling like sometimes I’m not along and yet somehow someone is like behind me and well I found that out today at Chris’s house but it wasn’t nice thou. “Yawn man I’m tired I didn’t sleep well today hmm uh what’s that sound I hope its not Knuckles again I mean sure he is a nice person but he reminds me of Edward to much ugh I hope he stops doing that but somehow I wonder where is that voice coming from.” So Suna went off to got see who was that voice coming and it sounds like her old friend but an troublemaker one the one who change her into a hedgehog but then once when she open the door she saw a fat boy with brown hair and he was wearing glasses well it turns out to be Edward but somehow how did he found her unless he was the one who follow her. “No it can’t be.” ---- Sean: DUN DUN DUUUUN! Jeff: Urgh~ how annoying... the drama builds moar Sean: And given that we have one chapter to go it's gonna end crappily. ---- “Huh oh sweetie pie its you my beautiful wife is here.” But yet Suna was not happy she feel sad inside and then she run out of the house crying and Shadow come over to see her but yet he saw her running out of the house feeling sad then Sonic show up. “Shadow I have some bad news for you the one who change her into a hedgehog is here and well when is found out she run off crying as if you can see just seconds ago and well he’s here to married Suna, Shadow if you don’t think of something then she’s going to be gone forever.” “How did he know where she lived?” “Well all these weeks he been following her and well let just say he was here a long time ago and now he wants to marry her and well we even called her parents and they told us that they didn’t know they thought that he was home doing some experiments by himself but it turns out to be wrong. So what now?” Shadow was stock to here about that but now he was thinking about something, something he may have to do and it was the only chose he can do. “Sonic can you do me a favor?” “Hmm yeah Shadow what is it?” “Bring Suna’s stuff and leave them at my house.” ---- Sean: More Drama, More Stalkers, and more of a disappointment when this finally ends. Jeff: Can we just "Ideon" the ending? Sean: Tails Doll said we can't ;_; Jeff: Darn... ---- “What Sh…Sh… Shadow don’t you think it’s a bad idea?!” “Yeah but it’s the only way to protect her.” “Yeah but… but.” “But nothing Sonic I love her and I don’t want that guy hurting her I want to protect her at all times even if it kills me.” “Wow Shadow sounds nice but somebody is already doing that for you, you know the protecting thing.” “Hmm really who is it Amy?” “Well…” Sonic was thinking what they were doing at the house and it turns out Knuckles is doing that for her. ---- Sean: Oh gods *facepalm* This won't end well. Jeff: *Sigh*... I'm out of funny. THIS is sad. It's SO BAD it's... HORRIBLE... Sean: We're almost done...just a little more to go. Jeff: Next? ---- “Listen you I love Suna so she’s mine.” “No she’s mind besides I found her first.” “No she’s mind.” “No mind.” “No mind.” “Oh boy Christopher thorndake what are you doing?” “Oh putting this on camera.” “What!” “Don’t worry grandpa if it shows anything bad I won’t film it so come you guys look angry.” “Ah Christopher you are not helping here.” ---- Sean: Okay, I gotta admit I laughed a little at Chris filming the arguement Jeff: Is the author trying to be funny? That was already achieved when they kept saying "No mind. No mind." because that's how I think the author is. Mindless. Sean: 404 MIND NOT FOUND Sean: Yeah I did that joke earlier but we are running out of material here ---- “Yeah I know.” Then back with Sonic which that wasn’t he was thinking. “Eh…hehehe.” “Ugh Sonic you are an idiot.” “Uhhh yeah I know well you go look for Suna and I’ll put her stuff in your house ok?” “Alright… Sonic.” “Hmm yeah?” “Thanks for your help.” “No problem Shadow that’s what I do anyways.” Then he left and Shadow went to go look for Suna and he even know were Suna is. Suna run off to Sliver valley crying so sad because if what happen when she saw Edward. “Why, Why, Why is he here? And how did he know that I was here?” ---- Jeff: More Sliver Valley. Jeff: And, seriously, if the guy is the same age, isn't he like... playing hookie or something? Sean: The author can't bother to pay attention to such trifling details, it seems. *sigh* ---- Then she remember that someone was spying on her and she thought that it was Rouge but wasn’t all this time it was him who was spying on her watching her every move. She was sad and depressed that he was here then Shadow appear looking at her crying and sad he was worried about her then he walk up to her to talk to her. “… Suna” “Huh oh suff Shadow listen about what happen I…” “Don’t talk Suna I understand don’t worry I’ll take good care of you listen you can’t stay there at the torndake house so you have to stay with me since he doesn’t know where I live.” “What but Shadow” “No but you stay with me until he leaves understand?” Suna was thinking and she decided to go stay with Shadow and make sure that she doesn’t go to Chris house that much. They both finally made it to Shadow house and he apartment looks really nice at first Suna was thinking that he’s apartment well be dirty but yet he’s room looks really nice and it has two bedrooms one for Shadow and one for her when she went to her new room it was big and all of her stuff was in there. ---- Sean: Why does Shadow have two rooms in his house? He doesn't seem the type to have guests. Jeff: And we're back to the third person omniscient POV again. Jeff: It's like one of those games where a single button brings you between 1st and 3rd person views... Sean: That, too. ---- “Sonic came by and give me all of your stuff so you will be sleeping here for now so get use to it ok?” “Alright.” So Shadow close door to give Suna some space Suna look around and started to unpack her things and maybe get something to eat. While at the torndakes house Knuckles and Edward were having staring contest to see who well win Suna’s heart. “You know Knuckles I have made that watch for Suna I wonder why she’s not wearing it anymore.” “Don’t know maybe because she got use to being a hedgehog and also she properly broke it or something.” “True very true.” “Uh Chris how long is it going to take for them to finish?” “Your right Tails because if this I have to stop filming and besides my eyes hurt as it is right now.” ---- Sean: Back to the jackasses. Jeff: Anyone else noticed how EVERY EVENT IN THE DAMN STORY revolves around Anu-- Suna? Sean: Isn't that the norm for these kind of fanfics? Jeff: I know, but that doesn't make it good ---- “You should know better Chris but I think they both will do anything for Suna no matter what.” “Your right Chuck and maybe they might stay like that for a matter of time or they just don’t want to lose Suna.” “Yeah oh speaking of that grandpa have you seen Sonic I haven’t seen him since Suna left crying?” “I don’t know Chris and also wasn’t Shadow supposed to be here an hour ago.” “That’s right he said that he was going to take Suna somewhere I think he said that he was going to take her to his house.” Said Tails but yet they didn’t know that Sonic properly went to go be with the flowers but yet Edward was listening to their conversations. “Say Knuckles who is this Shadow.” “Shadow oh yeah him I hate to say this but he also like Suna too and also he also be with her along a lot.” “Oh really.” ---- Sean: FREE FOR ALL! Jeff: Chris never called his grandpa "Chuck". Ever. ANOTHER LOGICAL INCONSISTENCY. Sean: Sigh.... ---- “Yeah really so how long do you think that we are going to stay like this Edward?” “I don’t know Knuckles I don’t know.” “sign boys they never give up for a girls heart. SONIC WHERE ARE YOU!!” poor Amy she doesn’t know either that Sonic went off somewhere and also she doesn’t know that they are winning for Suna’s heart. Over at Shadow’s house Shadow took off somewhere and Suna have the house all to herself but yet it may her happy. “Ahhh wow Shadow left and this house is all to myself but yet does he even clean I mean maybe he has some stuff inside his closet.” She looked into Shadow’s closet and found a vacuum clearing, duster, and windex but yet they haven’t been used and yet Shadow only cleans the dishes but that was it he didn’t even do much but yet Suna have an idea. “Hmm I know he may not like it but yet this apartment needs to be clean so time for cleaning.” So she started to clean the hold apartment from each and every spot from Shadow living room the kitchen, the bathroom, and everything it take her two hours to clean the hole place. Shadow came back but brings some food and he was stock what Suna did. “Suna I’m back and I brought some food so… Ah SUNA!” ---- Sean: Wow, she can clean too? Jeff: And she cleaned a HOLE. Mind you a hole is an open space in the dirt. She got all the dirt out of... a dirt hole. Sean: ...Oxymoron much? ---- “Oh Shadow hi sorry I know what I did was wrong even cleaning your room but this place sure did some cleaning heheh.” “Suna this place is good and I never seen it so spotless for two months its looks good very good.” “Well what can I say this place sure did need some cleaning up but I’m glad you like it.” “Yeah me to oh which reminds me I brought some food I hope you like it.” “Yea it’s pizza.” “Oh so you like pizza.” “Yep come on Shadow let’s eat I’m getting hungry anyways.” “Hmm that’s good.” But yet Shadow didn’t know that he was being spy by Bonco. “Oh Suna is now living with Shadow boy I have to show this to Dr. Eggman he well be please.” Over at Eggman’s place he is still mad about what happen to him and how can he defeat Suna. ---- Sean: Eggman's back! Jeff: About time Sean: Unfortunately given how much chapter time there is left we won't be seeing much of him Jeff: >.<; ---- “Hmm I must defeat her even thou during my walk I found this chaos emerald heheh so now all I need is five more then I’m finished.” “Doctor, Doctor.” “Hmm ah Bonco what are you doing here didn’t I told you to go look for Suna.” “You did but look what I found its Suna and Shadow and it looks like Suna is living with Shadow now.” “What but how there not married? Bonco are sure she is living with Shadow?” “Sure look at screen and see.” So he did and found all of Suna’s stuff there in the guess room so now Eggman knows that Suna is now living with Shadow for good. “Oh so if I attack station square then both Shadow and Suna well come to the rescue heheh perfect I think I know what to do and its going to be so much fun bwhahahahaha.” ---- Sean: DUN DUN DUUUUUUN! Jeff: Laaaaaame Sean: Oh when is the end coming? Jeff: Not a moment too soon, that's for sure ---- It was nighttime and Shadow and Suna were heading right straight to bed. “Yawn man I’m so tried I guess I should be going to bed now good-night Shadow” “Night Suna oh just to let you know if you need anything wake me ok?” “Shadow I’ll be find and besides I don’t want to disturb you ok so good-night” Suna left and so did Shadow they sleep very well but then Suna heard and hope that it’s not Edward so she check on the window and it turns out to be Bonco who was spying on them and then a hole bunch of robots came and they were getting ready to fired. “Uh something tells me that I think I need to wake up Shadow now… Umm Shadow we have company!!” “What!!” but then with she heard a voice that sounds like Eggman and it was. “Robots attack!!” “Uh-oh” Then they attack Suna window but then Shadow show up and destroyed the missiles before they hit Suna. “Oh Shadow” “Suna come on we have to stop them now” ---- Sean: Fight time! Jeff: KILL THEM! KILL THEM!!! Sean: We're asking too much Jeff: DEATH! MALICE! DESTRUCTION! MAYHEM! ... please? ---- “Ok” Then she was getting ready to fight and so did Shadow the robots were getting to fired again but then Suna got her belt and her paralyze ray to stop the robots from attacking the apartments but they fired another missile and this time she used the ray and they didn’t move they fell to the ground but yet it made Eggman mad. “Suna you think you can stop me but I have a new toy for you to be playing with D-154 attack Suna and make sure she doesn’t fell welcome.” Then a strange robot with two metal hummers on and it was green with Eggman symbol on the middle then it was attack Suna she doge every move she have and Shadow was trying to get ride of the robots but then Suna got hit really hard and Shadow saw what happen. “Suna!!” “Ow that really hurt boy your no fun at all” Then the robot came closer and closer but yet Shadow stop the robot from hurting Suna and he use his light arrows to distract him. “Hey you over here!” “Shadow what are you doing… Oh I get it” Suna remember something that rouge said before that they can even used there power together so she run to Shadow and the robot was going to hit them with the hummer but yet they doge and both of them use the light arrows together then hit the two hummers. ----- Sean: Nope, just the broken mary-sue defeating everything in their path Jeff: *Sigh*... Sean: Do we have anything else to say? Jeff: ... And light arrows. Sean: CHAOS SPEAR DAMMIT ---- “Noooo D-154 is getting defeated ugh now you two made me mad D154 use the missile now!” “What?!” Then the robot was getting the missile and it was going to hit Suna’s room but yet Shadow tried to stop him but somehow it hit Shadow as well but couldn’t hit the robot. “Shadow are you ok?” “Yeah I’m find but that robot won’t give up with until he destroyed you but now I wonder how we are going to stop him.” Suna was thinking then she remembers about the chaos emerald but yet she sense some light up in Eggman’s machine was a chaos emerald then she thought of something if she can jump all the way up there where Eggman is then she could try to get the chaos emerald from him and give it to Shadow. “Hmm Shadow I have an idea I’m going to use my belt to get an distraction on Eggman then maybe I can get something over there.” “Suna what do you mean?” “Your see Shadow just try to distract the robot and I’ll try to distract Eggman and besides I already know what to do” Then she left Shadow but with a confusing and yet Suna was going to Eggman to stop him. ---- Jeff: Remember kids, leaving your friends with a confusing is NO GOOD. Sean: Also, SHE HAS ANOTHER FREAKING POWER?! Jeff: Why are you surprised at this point? ---- “Eggman I know you have the chaos emerald” “Oh little Suna so you are now living with Shadow hmm and yet you two are not married oh this is nice but not good I don’t know why you are living with him but yet I well destroyed you at all cost and sooner then later I well make Station Square into my Eggman empower hahahahahah.” “Oh really well I small defeat in your future.” Then she hit Eggman on the face and got the chaos emerald then she fell to one of the buildings and got her belt. “What how did you, you?” “Do that? Well I put a hierogram of myself well since you thought you were talking to me I took my belt put it here and got up to your floating thingy but it was so easy so see ya hahahahah” “Nooo then that’s mean…” Shadow was fighting the robot but yet he was getting hurt and Suna saw how hurt he is so she tried to use chaos control and hope it works because of Shadow. “gasp Shadow hang on Shadow Chaos control!” “What… Chaos… Control I didn’t teach Suna how to use it unless she was watching me doing it.” Then she did and she destroyed the robot and got the chaos emerald. ---- Jeff: Eggman sure loves making small talk before getting on to the crushing. Sean: Well, so much for that battle. Also, Suna figures out Chaos Control with no effort Sean: How much more broken can this get? Jeff: He should take a tip from GLaDOS. "From now on there's going to be a lot less talking and A LOT MORE KILLING" ---- “Yea I got a chaos emerald.” “Nooo my robot Bonco let’s go we need to retreat.” So they did and leave Suna happy but yet Shadow was hurt and she ran towards him to see if he’s ok. “Shadow are you ok please say something” “Ugh I’m ok just hurt that’s all but I’ll be alright” “Aw that’s good Shadow” She huge him but yet he was laying and he’s head was right close to her breast but yet he was turning red but he was hurt at the same time from that battle with the robot. ---- Jeff: If I know the general laws of being a fangurl who writes lame fanfics and smell like old meat, it's that they lack breasts... Sean: Yeaaah........Let's just move on. ---- “Uh Suna that’s hurt” “Oh sorry well come on let’s get back inside and get the first aid kit then go back to bed and…” “Suna?” “Hmm yes” “Can you do me a favor?” “Sure what is it?” When he told her what first she got the first aid kit and help Shadow injuries then as he said she went to bed sleeping with him as he told her. “Suna well you sleep with me?” ---- Jeff: Oh my dear sweet almighty God above ---- “Huh uh Shadow…” “I know I’m crazy but just for one day please?” “Aw ok just one night now come on I need to help you with you terrible injuries ok?” “Ok” Suna was thinking what Shadow told her then she went to sleep but both of them hold their hands on the pillow together. It was morning but yet Shadow didn’t know if she can stay with him forever but it was impossible for her to do that but yet she didn’t mind. “Sure Shadow I don’t mind staying here with you forever besides I heard Edward is living here for now on and I didn’t like it but I’ll be ok staying here with you Shadow and besides you do need someone to clean the house and also cook so don’t worry I’ll still be with you.” “Hmm Well that’s good expect for the part that Edward is now staying here but for now on this is my house and yours Suna so I’m trying to get a key for you ok?” “Ok thank you Shadow.” Then she kisses him on the lips and shows that she was very happy. “Your welcome Suna” Then she kiss her back but yet Edward doesn’t even know that Suna is now staying with Shadow and that they are dating but yet somehow Shadow doesn’t feel that way as being the boyfriend somehow hmm I wonder why? ---- Sean: Oh okay whew. Sean: He meant it in a more innocent way Jeff: THANK THE LORD Sean: So they have another tender moment together I guess Sean: also, what's with the last line there. "Shadow doesn't feel that way as being the boyfriend somehow hmmm I wonder why?" Jeff: The crap if I know. Is that it? Sean: Alright, let's keep going! *click* Sean: ... Sean: *click* ....um....*click click click* ...there's nothing left Jeff: ... WHOO-HOO! SCOT-FREE ON A TECHNICALITY! Sean: The story hasn't been resolved yet. You aren't about to tell me it ends without a resoloution. Sean: ...*sigh* Jeff: IT'S DONE! Sean: Yeah, but THE STORY ISN'T FINISHED YET, BUT IT ENDED. Sean: WHAT Jeff: WE MADE IT! WE MADE IT!! Sean: This is pathetic. Sean: Now what? Tails Doll: You did well, making it through your first fanfiction... now, you stay here and wait 'til we find another bad one for you to read! Sean: *Sigh* Let's get back to the lounge. Sean: Well, that's pretty much it. Final thoughts? Jeff: I'm just glad it's done. Hopefully the next one will be either better... or shorter... *END EPISODE* |
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| Sean | Jul 22 2008, 09:56 PM Post #5 |
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The ⑥of Four Against Nature
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Fanfiction 2: Halflife: Fulllife Consequences Another... well, rather dark and hot day in the deepest wastes of the stiffian pit... Sean: *Playing games on his DS* Hmm....Stupid War-Tanks.... Jeff: *Playins his too* Think you got it bad? I'm up to my neck in EM Wave Viruses... Sean: At least you don't have a giant bomber blasting half the map every turn! Tails Doll: *Drops from the ceiling* Gooooooood evening, gentlemen! Jeff: OH MY DEAR SWEET TACO! *cowers* Sean: AAAUGH! *Hides* Tails Doll: I hope you've enjoyed the little break after the last fanfic... tonight, we've decided to give you a... smaller course. Jeff: Well, that's good. Tails Doll: Heh heh heh. Sean: That doesn't make it much better, does it? Tails Doll: Oh, ho, ho. Where's the fun in... telling you? Jeff: Oh cripes, this is gonna suck. Tails Doll: That was your fair warning. In a few moments, the alarm will sound, and your presence in the fanfic room will be... mandatory. *Wicked grin as it retuns to the ceiling* Jeff: ... Wow. That thing just BEING here makes it difficult to think straight.... Sean: ...Srsly Jeff: Well, after Suna, a shorter fic HAS to be better... right? Sean: ...I hope. *Alarms blare* Jeff: Oh boy. Here it comes! Let's go! Into the viewing room! Sean: Right! *Runs* Jeff: *Hurries in and takes his seat* What's on tonight's menu? Jeff: Let's see... huh. We're going into the Halflife fandom. 'fraid I don't know much about it... Sean: ..Neither do I. Are we really capable with this one? Tails Doll: *Drops down* Jeff: OH MY GOD! Tails Doll: Ironic choice in terms... anyways, don't worry a bit. You'll adapt... *shoots back up* Jeff: @_@ Sean: *whimper* Jeff: Okay, okay. The title is... "Fulllife Consiquences"? ... Suddenly, there's this pang in my stomach... Sean: ...is that even spelled right? Jeff: No... Jeff: Well, let's call it up on the viewing screen. Shall I or shall you control the projector this time? Sean: I guess I'll do it. Sean: *Begins to operate the device* Aha...here we go! Jeff: Let's begin, then. --- Half-Life: Full-life Consequences John Freeman who was Gordon Freemans brother was one day in an office typing on a computer. He got an email from his brother that said that aliens and monsters were attacking his place and aksed him for help so he went. --- Sean: ..well, didn't take long to get into the action. Jeff: ... oh God... where do I start...? Sean: STORY BE DAMNED, I guess when it comes to this thing. Jeff: Well, at least there looks like there'll be SOME action in this... and, in spite of my... shall we say "limited understadning" of Half-Life... Gordon Freeman didn't have any canonical family... Sean: I think we established that Fanfic Authors have no care for the canon. Jeff: Typing on a computer. As opposed to typing on his coffee mug, even. Sean: Aaaanyways, moving right along..... --- John Freeman got his computer shut down and wet on the platform to go up to the roof of the building where he left his motorcycle and normal people close because he was in his office lab coat. John Freeman got on his motorcycl and said "its time for me to live up to my family name and face full life consequences" so he had to go. John Freeman ramped off the building and did a backflip and landed. He kept driving down the road and made sure there was no zombies around because he ddint have weapon. --- Jeff: He wet on the platform? Ewwwww... Sean: Remember kids, make sure that you're never in a situation where you ddint have weapon. Jeff: And parking motorcycles on building roofs is A-OK! Sean: Yeah.... Jeff: And.... normal people close... because he was in his office lab coat... Jeff: ... huh? --- The contrysides were nice and the plants were singing and the birds and the sun was almost down from the top of the sky. the mood was set for John Freemans quest to help his brother where he was. John Freeman looked around the countrysides and said "its a good day to do what has to be done by me and help my brother to defeat the enemys". John Freeman was late so he had to drive really fast. A cop car was hiden near by so when John Freeman went by the cops came and wanted to give him a ticket. Here John Freeman saw the first monster because the cop was posessed and had headcrabs. --- Sean: No John, you ARE the enemys. Jeff: The.. plants were singing? Suddenly we're in a crossfic with Little Shop of Horrors? Jeff: And he can see the countrysides? Must be a hell of a view... --- I cant give you my lisense officer" John Freeman said "Why not?" said the headcrab oficer back to John Freeman. "Because you are headcrab zombie" so John Freeman shot the oficer in the head and drove off thinking "my brother is in trouble there" and went faster. --- Sean: well, absoloutely NO pacing here, huh? Jeff: I'm already lost, but at the very least I'm laughing, which is more than I can say for Ms. Anus-Shadow Jeff: Because you are headcrab zombie! I love that. Sean: Hah. I guess it's one of those so pathetic it's funny. Sean: Whereas Suna was so pathetic it's pathetic. Jeff: Sorry, sir, I can't pay my utility bill. Why not? Because you are headcrab zombie! --- John Freeman had to go faster like the speed of sound and got there fast because Gordon needed him where he was. John Freeman looked at road signs and saw "Ravenholm" with someons writing under it saying "u shudnt come here" so John Freeman almost turned around but heard screaming like Gordon so he went faster again. --- Jeff: Hell - u shudnt come here either. And he can go the speed of sound? That's one sweet bike. Sean: Yeah, no kidding. Jeff: heard screaming like Gordon... I wonder what that's like. --- John Freeman drove in and did another flip n jumped off his motorbike and the motor bike took out some headcrab zombies infront of John Freeman. John Freeman smiled and walked fast. John Freeman then looked on the ground and found wepon so he pickd it up and fired fast at zombie goasts in front of a house. John Freeman said "Zombie goasts leave this place" and the zombie goasts said "but this is our house" and John Freeman felt sorry for them becaus they couldnt live there anymore because they were zombie goasts so he blew up the house and killed the zombie goasts so they were at piece. --- Sean: I'm sorry, I laughed hard here Jeff: Zombie goasts... Jeff: Worst of all, I read that wrong the first time Jeff: I thought it said "Zombie goatse" Sean: .... Jeff: Which is funny in its own right. Jeff: And just remember - explosions DO fix everything Sean: he felt sorry for them so they blow their home up. What? Jeff: They were at piece. Is that anything like One Piece? I kinda like that manga. --- Then John Freeman herd another scream from his brother so he kept walking really faster to get where he was. Ravenholdm was nothing like the countrysides there was no birds singing and the pants were dead and teh dirt was messy and bloody from headcrabs. When John Freeman got to where the screaming was started from he found his brother Gorden Freeman fightin the final bosss and Gordon said "John Freeman! Over here!" so John Freeman went there to where Gordon Freeman was fighting. John Freeman fired his bullet from teh gun really fast and the bullets went and shot the final boss in the eyes and the final boss couldnt see. --- Sean: TEH GUN Jeff: The pants were dead. Jeff: That's the best line so far. Jeff: And, as a side note, why is everyone being referred to by full name? Sean: *Shrug* Jeff: Well, whatever. Sean: Needless complication. Wonderful. --- Gordon Freeman said "its time to end this ones and for all!" and punched the final boss in the face and the final boss fell. John Freeman said "thanks i could help, bro" and Gordon Freeman said "you should come here earlier next time" and they laughed. The laughed overed quickly though because John Freeman yelled "LOOK OUT BRO!" and pointed up to the top of the sky. Gordon Freeman looked up and said "NOO! John Freeman run out of here fast as you can!" and John Freeman walked real fast out. --- Jeff: Thanks i could help Jeff: Classic. Jeff: This is full of classic lines. Jeff: And he didn't run like Gordon told him to - he walked real fast out Jeff: I'm actually rather enjoying this one so far. Sean: I have nothing to say, really. --- John Freeman loked back and saw Gordon get steppd on by the next boss and he was mad and angry. "I'll get you back evil boss!" John Freeman yelled at the top of lungs. to be continued..? --- Sean: ....get steppd on? Jeff: Greatest. Death. Evar. Tails Doll: *Drops down* Helloooo! Jeff: WHAAAGH!!!? Tails Doll: And it's intermission time before part 2! Jeff: *Pant, pant, pant* Sean: So, let's summarize this fanfiction. So far there is absoloutely NO pacing. Spelling and Grammar is....meh. There's at least coherency at times. Jeff: This is so bad... it's just great. Sean: Eh. I don't share the same sentiments. While it has it's moments where it makes me laugh, it's mostly out of pity. Jeff: I'm rather enjoying it, but that's just me. I have a thing for crap, if my movie commentaries were any indication in life... Jeff: Anyways, any other comments to add thus far? Sean: No. *sigh* I just want to get this over with. Jeff: Very well, as soon as the alarms sou-- *Alarms sound* -- Oh! There we go! Back to the viewing room! Sean: *walks toward the room* Jeff: *Hurries in and sits* Sean: Let's begin. Half-Life: Full-life Consequences 2: What Has Tobe Done Sean: ...Who's Tobe? Jeff: The Terrenial of Earth from Lunar Knights? Oh, no, wait, that's Tove... never mind. --- John Freeman walked like speed of light back to his motorcycl and left behind the bad place behind him. John Freeman had to ride his motorcycle really fast back to the office but John Freemans gas ran out. John Freeman jumped fast off the motorcycle and landed on dead peoples hands. "Gordon Freeman is now these hands... i must kill the next boss and live up to full-life consequences!" John Freeman said out loud. --- Jeff: Damn, that guy's fast! Sean: ...speed of light? Seriously? Jeff: That's impressive. Oh, but his gas ran out. I'd recommend the bean barritos for that issue... oh! In the motorcycle! Oh. Heh-heh. I knew that... Sean: Suuure you did. Jeff: More full-life consequences! Jeff: ... wait, dead peoples hands? First pants now hands? --- John Freeman picked up a laser gun and aimed it at trees to see if he could. John Freeman shot and tree fell down in front of him. John Freeman seen eggs fall out of the tree and he put them back home safe. "These birds dont have to see Gordon Freeman yet. its not time." John Freeman said to him. John Freeman had to walked faster and was back at his office work and on a computer. He looked on the internet and found the next boss. --- Sean: Oh that cheating bastard is looking it up on GameFAQs! Jeff: Ha-ha! God bless you, internet! Helping kids cheat the RIGHT way! For FREE! Sean: Anyways, was it necessary to reiterate Gordon was dead by saying "These birds don't have to see him yet"? Jeff: I think that was the author's attempt at sentimantal mood... but it was too comical for me... I can't see straight I'm laughing so hard Sean: So the author tries to be touching but it ultimately fails with the way the scene is delivered. Nice. Jeff: Yes. And then the walking faster than light thing. --- "I know his weakness now" John Freeman said. And after that he got emails from someone. John Freeman opened up the emails and read them. "Dear John Freeman, how are you? I miss you at home come home safe and soon with Gordon Freeman for thanksgiving dinner. Love mom." John Freeman looked at it and got sad and yelled "I WILL KILL THE BOSS AND GORDON FREEMAN WILL BE HAPPY SOUL!" then he turned on off the computer and wet on the platform again down to his other more faster motorcycle that had gas in it this time. --- Sean: This is a perfect example right there. Jeff: Oh, man, my sides hurt. I WILL KILL THE BOSS AND GORDON FREEMAN WILL BE HAPPY SOUL! Sean: Tries to be touching but then you see "I WILL KILL THE BOSS AND GORDON FREEMAN WILL BE HAPPY SOUL" and the whole thing is ruined. Jeff: This is too funny... Jeff: Oh, and he wet the platform again. He needs to get that checked out. --- John Freeman put the laser gun on his motorcycle and his machine gun and his rocket gun that he found on the side of the motorcycle. He went through traffic and went fast like litning to back to Ravenholm and back to the bad place where Gordon Freeman was. John Freeman went off road and did backflips and landed on back wheels but kept going too. John Freeman went really fast again like before and was soon back again at Ravenholm but saw more zombie goasts. John Freeman said to them "Zombie goasts i have killed your friends at the old house and i dont want to shoot your heads. move near the countrysides and you will be friends of John Freeman." The zombie goasts said that "no we will kill you" and walked fast to John Freemans motorcycle. John Freeman waited until they were in front of his motorcycle and backflipped off his bars and shot heads below and landed and walked fast to where the next boss was. --- Jeff: Wait, he didn't have weapons originally and now he has a rocket lau-- excuse me, gun...? Sean: Maybe he actually decided to bring one with him this time? Jeff: Oh yes. ANd more zombie goasts. Sean: Yes. The next part amuses me greatly Jeff: And... more backflips and whatnot. --- "you will be one of us!" yelled the dead zombie goasts. John Freeman laughed and shot a rocket at them. --- Sean: What a bastard. Jeff: He's a lot like you, in that regard... Sean: STFU Sean: Also...*Edgeworth point* I spy a contradiction! Sean: He says he doesn't want to kill them but then he LAUGHS as he does it?! Jeff: He's... bi-polar? Sean: I guess. Jeff: Bowel issues, hypersonic running gait, what's a psychological condition between bad writing? Sean: I dunno, stupidity? Jeff: More than likely. Next? --- John Freeman saw the next boss far down the road and walked slow this time. He walked really slow like a turtle and sat down on a rock and watched the next boss near the dead last boss and where the place that Gordon Freeman was. The next boss was laughing at John Freeman so John Freeman said "YOU WILL NOT LAUGH AT ME!" and shot a rocket at him since that was his weakness. The next boss died and John Freeman was happy. He walked over to the dead bosses and put them under the ground and planted pants on them so instead of messy dirt and dark there was pretty things there now to be happy. --- Jeff: His emotions are just running all over the place. Sean: Most Anticlimactic fight ever Sean: YOU WILL NOT LAUGH AT ME! *fires rocket* BOOM Jeff: Rockets are his weakness? That's awesome... Sean: VICTOLY! GAINED 900 EXP Jeff: They need rocket-elemented Pokemon too. Sean: Maybe that's what Team Rocket was trying to do. Sean: But I digress. Let's finish this up Jeff: Huh. I never thought of it like that... --- John Freeman walked to where Gordon Freeman was lying dead and crushed from the next bosss feet and looked down. A tear droped out of John Freemans eye and landed on Gordon Freeman. "You are dead bro and i killed the evil boss." John Freeman told Gordon Freeman Then John Freeman saw something bad. A headcrab was on Gordon Freeman! Gordon Freeman standed up and said "John Freeman... you got here slow and now i am zombie goast. you will pay..." to be continued...? --- Jeff: You are dead bro and i killed the evil boss. That's the most moving eulogy ever. Sean: I'm so doing that at your funeral Jeff: You're going to kill the evil boss that stepped on me? Sean: You are dead jeff and i killed the nak user in gunbound Jeff: Truly touching. Sean: Is that it? Jeff: ... Looks like it. Much like Suna, we end on a big cliffhanger we don't give a damn about. Sean: Yeah. Here's a tip, fanfic authors Sean: DON'T LABEL A STORY AS COMPLETE IF IT REALLY ISN'T, GOD DAMN YOU. Jeff: Anyways, let's stop and look at the deep, unerlying moral of this all... *underlying Jeff: ... No, I'm kidding. Jeff: You guys can interpret this as you wish. Me? The author was probably a troll or on some SERIOUS drugs. Sean: Eh, well at least this was shorter. Jeff: I actually enjoyed it... for... well, every reason the author either.... well, TOTALLY wanted, or every reason he totally DIDN'T want. Sean: Anyways, check in next time when we review...something else. Probably fanfiction on something that shouldn't exist in the first place. Jeff: More than likely. Speaking of Half-Life, I saw Portal fanfics the other day, even. Sean: ...oh god Sean: Alright then. Well...that's it. Goodbye! Jeff: Good night, everybody! Edited by Sean, Jul 22 2008, 11:55 PM.
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| Root | Jul 22 2008, 10:46 PM Post #6 |
The Speaker for the Dead
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Oh I l0led, hard. Remmy showed me this fanfic at some point, and it did make my sides hurt. Your commentary was great, too. Actually, I think they said the guy who wrote this was foreign - English not being a language he's spoken for long, but I don't know. Good job, that was much better than the other one you did which was WAY too long to bother to read. |
Does being the only sane one make me the insane one, in a sort of way? Though my eyes could see, I was still a blind man; Though my mind could think, I still was a madman... "Yes there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run...there's still time to change the road you're on" | |
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| Sean | Sep 6 2008, 08:21 PM Post #7 |
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The ⑥of Four Against Nature
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Fanfic 3: Kamen Rider DenO: SeiRyuu, Ikuze! *In Hell....* Jeff: It's been quiet lately... Sean: Ah, finally finished Kamen Rider Den-O. ...well, I still haven't watched all the movies, but meh. Jeff: Oh? You have? I finished it a while ago. I'm on Blade now. Sean: Well I didn't start when you did. You introduced it to me, mind you. Jeff: Yep *Sirens go off* Sean: Wha? Aww, I was about to watch the second movie. Oh well. Let's go to the Fanfic Viewing Room. Jeff: At least that friggin' doll didn't pop down. Let's move. Tails Doll: What took you? Sean: AAAUGH! Jeff: CRIPES!!! Oh - you again. Sheesh Tails Doll: So, I've heard you've been enjoying the Kamen Rider series lately, huh? Jeff: Well, yeah. I love Kamen Rider. Tails Doll: Well, good! I have just the fanfic for you! Sean: ....oh no. Jeff: Common sense... tingling (Link, for the Viewers' sake if they actually want to go through this: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4429093/1/Kamen_Rider_DenO_SeiRyuu_Ikuze) Sean: ...No....You're kidding me, right? Jeff: There are actually Kamen Rider fanfiction? I thought something THAT obscure would be safe, but I guess that's what I get for being optimistic... Sean: Well, let's get started with the disclaimer. --- SeiRyuu, the Azure Dragon. Will she be a powerful ally, or a feared enemy? Wai! My first fic with OC! The story takes place after Den-O 22, An Unspeakable Future. Disclaimer: Don’t own anybody but SeiRyuu. --- Jeff: ... Sean: ... Jeff: Oh dear God... Jeff: *Puts his face into his hands* Where do I start? Sean: ....Let's save it for when it gets real bad. Jeff: I would just like to point out one thing. Jeff: English-speaking author. Random Japanese exclaimations. Original character. Engrishy-psuedo-Japanese name. Jeff: In short - this is gonna be painful. Sean: Of course it will be. That's how most fanfics are in general. ...Most, anyways --- Chapter 1 “Good afternoon.” A woman, named Yukiri Ikatachi, entered the Milk Dipper. “Is this where Nogami Airi-san works?” She was holding a basket, covered with linen cloth. The Milk Dipper’s regulars, Seigi Ozaki and Isse Miura, examine the basket, with Yukiri trying to avoid them, going straight to Airi and giving them a glare. --- Sean: ...So, is that a legitimate Japanese Name or did the author just throw random sounds until it made something coher...wait, nevermind about that last part Jeff: Because the author is an idiot and refused to explain what's going on - the Milk Dipper is a small library/cafe run by the main character's sister. Ozaki and Miura are two friends of Airi. Sean: Well, they're more like regulars who fight to try to win her heart. Jeff: Really, they're comic relief. --- “Whom is this from?” Airi calmly asked. She took the basket and lightly lifted the cloth covering it. “Sorry, but it was just given to me.” Yukiri was still glaring at the two. “Are they always like that?” she whispered. “I’m back.” Airi’s younger brother, Ryoutaro, said, holding a bag of groceries. “I’ll put them over he-“ Because of his extreme bad luck, and because of Seigi and Isse, the younger Nogami tripped over the two and nearly falls, only to be saved by Yukiri. “You two should watch it.” she coldly said. ---- Jeff: Whom is this from? I know Airi is Japanese in origin, but even foreigners wouldn't make THAT Kind of mistake. And is it just me, or is anyone else getting the "Super-Happy-Fun-Lezbo-Tiem" aura from Yukiririririririri too? Sean: Yeah, I'm getting that vibe too, but the author would probably deny it saying she's supposed to be Spunky or something. Jeff: Another thing I want to point out is that she's calling the two knuckleheads Seigi and Isse... yes, that' their names... but NO ONE IN THE SERIES calls them that. Sean: Fantastic. Shall we move on? Jeff: Hooo~ I could rip this one a few new ones, but yes, let's. --- Ryoutaro got up, and said, “Thank you, umm…” “Ikatachi Yukiri.” She held out a hand. “But you can call me Yuki.” Airi called Ryoutaro. “Ryou-chan, would you mind to give Yuki-chan her coffee?” Yukiri looked at her in confusion. But she immediately shook it off. “Well, it is kinda late now, and I need a break, so why not?” She sat down where Yuuto would usually sit, staring at the telescope in awe. “It was given to Onee-san by her fiancée. But-“ “But he unexpectedly disappears a month before their wedding,” She randomly said, taking the cup of coffee. “Making your sister forget everything about him.” Ryoutaro looked at her in shock. “Heard that nice story somewhere” --- Sean: Oh boy~ Where to start...Where to start? Sean: Well, first off, how is that a NICE STORY? Sean: Secondly, how does she know this and why is Ryoutaro explaining it?! Jeff: And it's fairly obvious that the author never finished Den-O before doing this story. T'was not so convenient and there's NO WAY she'd know. She never knew Yuuto. If she did, the Zero Card would've wiped her a clean slate. Jeff: The OC is so completey unlikeable that she would be better suited to being a villain on Captain Planet. Sean: Didn't you use that reference before? Meh, whatever Jeff: Maybe? I dunno. Jeff: Either way, I hate her. What was it? Yukiwryyyyyyyyy or something? Sean: Something like that --- “Ryou-chan!” Airi called again. “Ahh, I’ll leave you now.” Yuki-neesan. “What is it?” Yukiri whispered. That boy… He’s… “What?” It seems he has four Imagin with him. “And?” He is a Rider. “Good to know.” She sipped her cup of coffee. “But do you think he’ll know…” She took out a dark blue card, with 01.20.08 imprinted in it. “Anything about this?” Only time will tell. For now, I must rest. “Take your time.” She sipped again. Ryoutaro noticed the card, and Yuki talking to herself. He tried to ask her about it, but he was stopped by Momotaros. --- Jeff: "I'll leave you now."... I'm sorry, I can't shake that, just... what? Sean: Probably leaving them to talk privately or something Jeff: Plus there's absolutely NO WAY IN THE NINE BURNING HELLS she'd know he was Den-O until he transformed. Jeff: No rider puts off a "rider" aura until they Henshin (transform). Sean: Yeah, and while several Imagin know of Den-O by this point they don't address him as "a rider". they call him "Den-O" Jeff: Ironically, Den-O is among the series where Riders are never called Riders. They call him Den-O and Zeronos, Zeronos. Even the movie-specific rider was just called by his name, Gaoh. Sean: Yeah.... Jeff: Next! --- Ryoutaro. Imagin. “Where?” He waited for his response. Nearby… The contract holder is that girl… Onee-san. I’ve been spotted. “Ech, my sister is gonna kill me!” Yukiri finished her drink, gave her bill and went out in a hurry. “Thank you for the food!” --- Sean: ...so how does the Imagin know that Momotaros spotted him? Sean: Or her. I don't know. Jeff: ... This entire exchange makes no sense. Imagin know each other by scent. Jeff: Even if they COULD smell each other, there's no logical way they'd know the other one knew of them. Sean: Hmm.... Jeff: Okay! Inconsistency? Check! Jeff: Actually, double-check. For good measure. --- -Later, in DenLiner- The train of time, DenLiner. Inside, the golden bear Kintaros was sleeping, the purple dragon Ryuutaros was drawing, and the red oni Momotaros was pacing back and forth in front of Ryoutaro. “Ryoutaro!” Momotaros yelled. “Why did you let her run off?!” “Well,” he tried to reason, “Yuki-san didn’t look like she would be doing anything bad.” “But still!” he shouted again. “What about the Imagin?!” “Sempai.” The blue turtle, Urataros, chimed in. “Don’t worry; we can always catch her again.” Hana decided to interrupt. “What was her name again?” “She said she was Ikatachi Yukiri. I heard her whispering to someone, and holding a dark blue card.” Hana’s eyes widened. “It looked like a Rider Ticket, and the date was January 20, 2008 on it, but no image whatsoever.” Owner spoke, “It must be her.” --- Jeff: ... Oh boy. We're in DEEP. Sean: Oh bloody hell, they know her? Sean: This is going to get retarded quick, isn't it? Jeff: Besides, Den-O takes place in 2007. 2008 is the year of Kiva. Jeff: Besides, they are NOT a bear, a dragon, an oni or a turtle. They're THEMED on those things. There IS a difference, fangurlz. Sean: Fangurlz never pay attention to those trifiling details, Jeff. Jeff: Details? *Headexplodes, then reforms* Jeff: Fuggin' fangurlz. --- “Her?” Ryoutaro and Hana asked in confusion. “The Singular Point who was said to be killed in an automobile accident, only to show up the next day, alive and well.” Owner said in his usual tone. “Nobody knows how it happened. However,” He started eating his fried rice. “I will not let you investigate her death.” --- Jeff: That's not possible. Singular Points CAN die. Jeff: The difference is that if their past is erased, their present form will not change. That's all. Sean: Either missed the memo or tried to add a sense of Mystery and fails Jeff: So~ she's an OC, more than likely an author-insert, a rider with an imagin, and a singular point. Terrific. I play odds 9000-1 she's a Mary Sue to boot. Jeff: Hell, even ZERONOS is not a Singular Point and I'm fairly sure Gaoh wasn't either. --- -Back to the streets of Japan- A tired Yuki hid in a dark alley. She once again took out the card, and stared at it. Onee-san. The voice called. I sense an Imagin… “Great.” She sighed. “All I have here is…” She looked around. “…nothing.” Let me fight it. You should rest. “You’re kidding me.” It was nighttime. Of course, Yuki was supposed to be asleep by now, but due to the Imagin that will wreck havoc anytime, she had to stay up late. “I can do it.” “Now, now, why would a woman like you stay up this late?” U-Ryoutaro suddenly appeared behind Yuki. She became surprised and involuntarily smacked him in the face, kicking Urataros out of the unlucky boy. “Iya! Gomen, gomen!” She helped him up. “Are you okay?” --- Jeff: ... An OC, more than likely an author-insert, rider with imagin, singular point with yellow fever that can do the impossible and knock Imagins out of people by sheer physical force... Sean: ....Mary Sue. Jeff: I mean, seriously, we're ASSUMING they're speaking Japanese anyways. WHY type out "Gomen"? Sean: Author probably thought she was being clever\cute\whatever. Jeff: MESSAGE TO FANGURLS Jeff: KILL YOURSELVES AND LEAVE KAMEN RIDER ALONE. Jeff: THAT IS ALL. Jeff: By the way, calling him U-Ryoutaro with no preface kind of leaves non-KR fans in the dark, don't you think? Sean: Seriously. It actually took me a second or too to realize she meant one of the imagin was possessing them and I've actually seen the show. Jeff: I got the idea, more or less, but it's still very, very stupid. Like~ oh, this story. Oh and the Sue, too. Sean: Yeah --- “I’m… okay…” Ryoutaro said, rubbing the place where her fist landed. “But why are you up at this time?” She tried to make up an explanation. “Well…” To Be Continued! A/N: Woah, my first fic. Anyways, read and review! --- Sean: ....is there anything that needs to be said? Jeff: Review? Okay. I'll review it. Jeff: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT SUCKS! Sean: Lolz Jeff: Seriously. No coherency. No consistency. Violation of common sense and plot-established physics. The owner isn't being all creepy and mysterious. The plot is revolving around the cu-- *ahem*-- the Sue. How is this even a Rider fanfic? Sean: Only one way to find out! Move to Chapter 2 Jeff: Right, right. Next! --- SeiRyuu, the Azure Dragon. Will she be a powerful ally, or a feared enemy? Never mind about when this takes place, let’s just say from now on this is AU. Disclaimer: Don’t own anybody but SeiRyuu. --- Jeff: ... Jeff: I don't even HAVE to make fun of this. It's self-effacing. Sean: ...I forget what AU means but I think she's basically saying "I realize this rapes the series and its canon, but lurve it anyways!" Jeff: Alternate Universe, I'd wager. Sean: Ah, I think you're right Jeff: She tried to say it was after ep 22 Jeff: But then she claimed it took place in '08 Jeff: Which is just wrong. Sean: So she's probably doing it in an attempt to excuse her plothole opening Sean: Anyways, we should probably move on Sean: We still have a fair bit of fanfic to bash Jeff: Let's go. --- Chapter 2 “Well…” Yuki tried to think. “I’m… picking up a package for my sister!” The voice mentally smacked itself. “Yeah, so, uhh, I’ll be going now!” Once again, she left in a hurry. “That was strange.” Ryoutaro said. --- Jeff: It can mentally smack itself? That's the most impressive thing in this fanfic thus far! Sean: Yeah..... Jeff: I admit... being able to MENTALLY smack yourself? GREATEST. POWAH. EVAR. Sean: ...yeah. --- -The next day, 12 noon- “You want to help us here in Milk Dipper?” “Yes. I want to help both you and my little sister.” Yuki said. “If I actually had a sister.” She muttered. “That would be wonderful.” Airi said. “There have been a lot of costumers lately, and Ryoutaro has been very busy the past few days.” “I’m home.” Ryoutaro came in. “Yuki-san! What a surprise.” “Sorry about last night.” She apologized. “That’s right. If it would be okay for you, from now on, I’m going to be working here.” “Ryoutaro!” Hana came in a rush. “Oh. Sorry.” “It’s okay.” Airi said calmly. “Hana-chan, meet Yuki-chan.” Yuki smiled. “Hi.” Her phone ringed. “Gomen.” “Ryoutaro,” Hana whispered, “Is she the one you were talking about?” Ryoutaro nodded. “What’s the problem?” Hana looked around. “Imagin.” --- Jeff: Hana can smell Imagin now, or did someone tell her that? Jeff: And she can speak to Ryoutaro through the four 'Taros, why go all that way on-foot? Jeff: Oh, by the way, the random interspersed Japanese is really pissing me off. How would a NORMAL human feel if I went up to them and spoke like this: Jeff: "Hi! I'm Jeff! Oh, bitte. Phone call. Okay, I'm back. Denk mal. I like pizza. Und ein cola bitte." Jeff: It's confusing, it's stupid, it's needless and it PISSES PEOPLE OFF!!! Sean: *Punches Jeff in the nose* Never do that again Jeff: *Bleeds* Ungh~ Jeff: I rest my case. Sean: And I'm a little annoyed with how easily the sue gets a job at the Milk Dipper. Jeff: Actually, that's not as unrealistic as you think. Maybe 2 people work there, counting Airi herself. Sean: Fair enough. Airi, given her personality might be willing to give her a job...but still. Jeff: THAT has probably been the most real part of the story thus far. --- “Mei-chan,” Yuki whispered through the phone. “I can’t right now, I already got a job. Why not ask Onee-san?” …Yuki-neesan… “Gotta go, bye.” She turned off her phone. “Stupid sister…” When she had finished arguing with her sister, Ryoutaro and Hana had already left. And Seigi and Isse, the regulars, had come in, giving Yuki a cold stare, and vice versa. Soon, costumers had filled the café. “This is going to be a slow day…” Yuki muttered ---. Jeff: Yuki eats more carpet than a malfunctioning vacuum cleaner. Sean: Ba dum pish --- -In Ryoutaro and Hana’s side- “The Imagin was said to be here a few minutes ago.” Hana said. “There are claw marks everywhere…” Following the claw marks, they had come to a dark alley. Ryoutaro recognized the alley. “This is where I found Yuki-san last night…” Hana’s eyes widened. “Could it be...?” “It could… It could not.” A deep voice called the two Singular Points’ attention. A Vampire Imagin, hanging from one of the ladders, came down in a peaceful way. “Den-O. What a surprise.” With that, Momotaros possessed Ryoutaro, ready to fight. “Heh. No pre-battle strikes for you.” He cracked his knuckles. “From start to finish, I am at a climax!” --- Sean: In their sides? That must hurt Jeff: He'll be here all weekend, ladies and gentlemen. Sean: Don't forget to tip your waitress. Jeff: Indeed. Oh, by the way, she just put a rather blatant spoiler in there. I won't point out what it was... Jeff: Oh, and there was already a vampire Imagin. Sean: At least she got Momotaros' catchphrase right. Jeff: Of course, she randomly references the "No pre-battle strikes for you" thing, which he said ONCE due to other circumstances... just... weird. Sean: Hm --- “Do not waste your time fighting me.” The Vampire said. “I am only interested in fighting that girl, Yuki, was it?” He chuckled. “Can you do me a favor? Tell her to meet me here later tonight. And tell her to bring… her friend.” The Vampire Imagin disappeared in a flash. Ryoutaro had kicked Momotaros out now, and he had a dumbfounded face on. “I think we should hurry up.” --- Jeff: And, of course, the Imagin are going to ignore the rider who kicked the ever-loving crap out of them on a daily basis for the Sue. This sounds an AWFUL lot like another fanfic we read... Sean: Anu--er, Suna? Jeff: Yeah, that one. Sean: Thought so. Jeff: This is rapidly descending into the depths of stupidity. Next! --- -Back at the Milk Dipper- When Ryoutaro and Hana had arrived, the café was empty, save for the two regulars, Airi and a tired Yuki. “Ryou-chan, Hana-chan, welcome back.” Yuki looked at the two for a while and dropped her head. “You guys have bad news for me, don’t you?” “How did you-“ “Your faces show it.” She sighed. “Man, I’m in trouble now.” Shaking her head, she rose and said, “If you guys don’t see me tomorrow or the next day, or even forever, that means Onee-san had pretty much sent me back to California.” --- Jeff: HURRAY! GO BACK TO CALIFORNIA! Sean: Srsly. We don't want you here anymore Jeff: Yeah. Especially not in the Den-O continuity. You can take... you can have Kamen Rider Amazon. The one that TANKED. Or better yet, Saban's Masked Rider. You'd blend right in, what with the lack of talent and originality. Sean: Move on? Jeff: Yes --- Airi had a worried face. “Why is that so?” “I lost the package I was supposed to give to her. It seemed pretty important, seeing that she wanted it ASAP.” “I’m sorry about that.” Airi said. “But I hope you and your sister work things out again.” Yuki slowly raised her head, smiling at Airi. “Thank you, Airi-san.” She faced the two newcomers. “I’m sorry if Onee-san gave you much trouble. I really am.” With that, she went out in a flash. Hana, who was caught up in the moment, rubbed off the sadness, and whispered to Ryoutaro, “Do you think she’s faking it?” He shook his head. “I remember her holding some kind of box last night. I think that was the package, and when she was running off, she must’ve accidentally let go of it.” --- Jeff: THIS. IS. SO. STUPID. No one's even transformed yet! Sean: Well, we should be getting to a battle soon...or at least in Chapter 3. ...I hope, otherwise I'm gonna die of boredom Jeff: In case you forgot - we're already dead. Sean: ...I'll re-die of boredom then Jeff: Where are you gonna go? Las Angelos? Sean: Ha ha ha. Sean: Let's just go on ahead before your jokes make me collapse --- Meanwhile… Yuki-neesan… That was… wow. Yuki had an extremely cheerful face. Strike two. “Why thank you, dear.” But we’re still in trouble. “Trouble?” An Imagin told them to do him a favor. He wants us in that alley. “Finally, some action.” She grinned. Cracking her knuckles, she ran as fast as she can towards their destination. “Ikuze ikuze ikuze!” --- Sean: ...she calls her imagin dear? Jeff: What in the nine burning layers of... well... here... is "Ikuze"? Sean: didn't Momotaros use that in the show at points? I'm pretty sure she's basically saying "GO GO GO!" but I could be off. Jeff: I thought it was spelt differently, but she actually put MORE effort into it than if she just say "LET'S GO!" Sean: *Shrug* Anything else? Jeff: No, let's hurry. --- “Bonjour.” The Vampire Imagin showed up, making Yuki stop in her tracks. “Tonight, in that alley. Don’t go there at this time; we still need to rest from today’s activities.” He chuckled. “Au revoir.” Disappearing once again, the Vampire Imagin left Yuki with a blank face. “…Nani?” …What time is it? “Summer time.” Yuki emotionlessly said. Ha ha. Serious over here. “Quarter to six.” Yuki stared at her watch. “We might as well go there.” --- Jeff: Now random French. Oh, and more gratuitous Japanese. Jeff: GOD HOW MUCH LONGER IS THIS FANFIC?! Sean: Too long, if you ask me. Also, the injected humor isn't very humerous at all. I'd rather listen to one of your puns. Jeff: THIS STORY IS RANDOM BULLSHIT AND PUN-ISHMENT Jeff: *Sobs* Sean: Sigh.... Jeff: Let's hurry along ---- -6:30 PM, in the dark alley- “I don’t see him here.” Yuki muttered. We should wait. “I don’t need your orders.” She banged her head onto the walls, kicking her friend out of her. The sand formed into an azure-colored dragon, wearing a lighter blue Chinese warrior clothing, with white highlights. She groaned. --- Sean: Nice work, Yuki. Bang your head against the wall to drive the Imagin out. Jeff: Beautiful. Even though THAT DOESN'T WORK. Sean: Speaking of which, what the hell gender is the Imagin, anyway? Jeff: There is not ONE instance in the series where an Imagin can be removed by physical force - only another Imagin or mental will. Jeff: But it does make me feel better to invision her doing a Von Karma on a brick wall. Jeff: But look at the bright side... the fastest way to kill a woman is to make her a Kamen Rider! Sean: Heh. Jeff: But she more than likely missed that memo. --- “You do know whose fault it was to be acquainted with this mission. Not that I blame you.” “Blame me!” Yuki yelled. “I should think not indeed. Is it my fault that I’m contracted to you?” The Imagin sighed. “I don’t complain, Onee-san.” “You ought to complain, Cobalt.” “I am, Onee-san.” “You’re not; you glory in it.” “In what, Onee-san?” ”In everything!” She yelled. “Oh, if only you knew how hard it was to know that you were actually dead! And with that, the secret of this stupid card!” --- Jeff: This total exchange makes no sense. Sean: Yeah..."I don't complain" "YOU SHOULD" "I am" ...what? Jeff: This is making less sense than the "John Freeman" story we read... which is saying something. Sean: At least that one has an excuse Jeff: Barely. And I know this "Secret of this stupid card" is supposed to make me curious, but it just makes me chuckle because of how obtuse it sounds. --- “But Onee-san,” Cobalt said, “I DO know.” “Then why won’t you tell me anything?!” “It’s because-” Cobalt stopped. “Wait, why do I feel like we’re doing an excerpt from ‘Androcles and the Lion’?” Yuki rose and was about to slap Cobalt- but before she could do that, she saw Ryoutaro, Hana, and even Yuuto staring at them like they were idiots. “Yuki-san…” Ryoutaro said, “What’s the meaning of this?” Both of them gulped. “Crap, we’ve been spotted...” To Be Continued! A/N: Androcles and the Lion FTW. Anyways, please read and review! --- Jeff: And now, suddenly, Yuuto is in the mix, again, with no prefacing. Sean: So, take your bet. Which character do you think is going to fall for the Token Sue? Jeff: Yuuto, since he's the ensamble darkhorse Sean: Yeah, and being that the profile states the Author is 13 (By giving you a math problem, I hate that shit), I can see her doing that because "OMG HE'S SO COOL I LURVE HIM" mentality sets in. Jeff: Yeah... even though Yuuto is supposed to be like 16-18-ish? Sean: Never directly said, but I'd assume around that. --- Edited by Sean, Sep 6 2008, 08:24 PM.
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| Sean | Sep 6 2008, 08:21 PM Post #8 |
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The ⑥of Four Against Nature
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Chapter 3 “Crap, we’ve been spotted…” “My, my. It seems to be a full house tonight.” The Vampire Imagin walked out of the shadows. “Den-O, Zeronos, and even the Singular Point from the future.” He saw Yuki and Cobalt. “Ahh, and there’s the Singular Point that I need and her partner.” “Fang.” Cobalt growled. “Been a while, has it?” “My, you still remember me?” The Vampire Imagin chuckled. The azure dragon laughed as well. “Who would’ve forgotten your crazy antics back in the future?” Fang growled in embarrassment. He noticed both Den-O and Zeronos readying themselves in case of a surprise attack. “But do not fear, my friends; I have asked you to come for your…” He took out a medium-sized box, and handed it to Yuki. “…your package, mademoiselle.” “Cut the sweet talk, Fang.” Cobalt retorted. “Say what you want before I finish you.” Fang chuckled again. “Cobalt, dear, have you been tricked again? I should tell you; I am not your rival, never was I. You have mistaken me for your dear friend.” Chuckling once more, he disappeared into the darkness. --- Jeff: Apparently Miss 13-year-old-fangurl completely forgot that Imagin are based off of specific fairy tales and not the works of Bran Stoker. Jeff: Oh, and that Zeronos is out of cards. Sean: He probably got cards from the land of the contrived plot devices. Jeff: Convenient. Must be where Anu-- Suna got her utility belt and John Freeman found "Wepon" --- “Oi! Come back here-“ “Cobalt, this is not the time for that…” Yuki wearily said. She slowly turned around, and said, “Questions?” --- Jeff: Do we even care badly enough to make fun of this non sequitar? Sean: ....Meh. Jeff: Next. --- -DenLiner, the train of time- “So, you don’t really know anything about that Imagin or that box?” “Nope.” Yuki sighed. “Ever since I came here and lived with Onee-san, things became weirder and weirder. Especially her.” Looking at where she was pointing, Cobalt sighed, surprising the Taros and Deneb after not talking for half an hour. “You really hate me, don’t you?” “Of course not. I’m just saying how strange you’ve been acting lately.” Taking out the blue card from before, she showed it to the others. “Plus, ever since I found this at the lake, you’ve been avoiding all of my questions regarding this thing.” Catching a bubble from Ryuutaros’s bubble gun, she replied, “Haven’t I told you before, all you need is to sit back, relax…” Popping the bubble, she magically made a bouquet of flowers appear in place of it. “And enjoy the show.” --- Sean: ..Yep, the Imagin is Female. That more or less confirms Yuki is a carpetmuncher Jeff: Hardk00r. I'd imitate Dan and pretend to be excited, but she's SO DAMN UNLIKEABLE. I'd sooner put up with the Tails Doll than her. Sean: also, wtf is with popping the bubble and magically replacing it with flowers? Jeff: No idea. I didn't know soap bubbles gave birth to non-descript flowers. Sean: Anything else? Jeff: Cards were never a part of Den-O. It's like she crawled out of the wrong side of Blade or Ryuki... Sean: I think she's making reference to Rider Tickets Jeff: I hope she gets killed soon. Let's move on. --- Amazed by the azure dragon’s abilities, the Taros, Deneb, and Naomi clapped their hands in amusement, while Yuki rolled her eyes. “That ticket has something to do with your package.” Owner suddenly said. Hana’s eyes widened. “Could it be… A package from the erased timeline?” “But that can’t be.” Ryoutaro said. “Yuki-san is not a Rider and not even someone who would have a train of time.” “But the question is how your Imagin got a physical form.” Yuuto said coldly at Yuki. She smirked. “Simple, Cobalt heard my wish. Even if Singular Points can resist the temptation of Imagins, you can make a wish when you’re in deep trouble.” Hana replied, “But once the contract is finished, wouldn’t she go back to your past and create havoc there?” Yuki laughed. “This is where I cast off my spell. I have no past.” The others stared in shock. “Why? Well, I’m already dead.” --- Sean: ....Too late, Jeff. Jeff: If she's beathing, she's alive enough to die... AGAIN!!! Sean: Yeah, if she were dead, she'd be....here. .....Maybe it's best she remain alive. Jeff: ... Very true... that and even dead people have pasts... Jeff: Next. --- Cobalt interrupted. “It’s because you have forgotten everything.” Changing the flowers into a magic wand, she hit Yuki on the head. “The card and your death have some serious side-effects, mind you.” Ignoring her partner, she unwrapped the package, with the others watching her. The first thing she found was a smaller box, full of cards. “What’s this?” Yuki said, holding up the box. “Great. I get useless Yu-Gi-Oh cards.” She opened it, and it was really full with cards. But five colored cards caught her sight. Setting it down on the table, she whispered some kind of spell, and lifted her hands. The five colored cards rose as well. “Sugee!” Ryuutaros said. “Yuki-chan can also do magic like Ryuu-chan!” Hana examined the floating cards. “What are these?” Yuki shrugged and proceeded to “sweep” the table, with the cards following. The red one had Momotaros’s image on it, light blue has Urataros, gold has Kintaros, purple has Ryuutaros, and the green one has Deneb on it. All of the cards have the date when Ryoutaro and Yuuto met them. Each Imagin took their respective cards and examined them. --- Sean: Can you spot the major issue here? Jeff: None of the Imagin HAVE cards, Kintaros possessed someone else prior to Ryoutaro, Ryuutaros can't do magic, Yuuto met Deneb only after his future self gave him to him... Jeff: Did I miss any? Sean:I think you managed to nail them all. Also, where did this stuff come from to begin with, ignoring the fact that they shouldn't exist? Jeff: The land of convenient plot devices. --- “Hmm,” Momotaros exclaimed. “I never knew I was so handsome!” “Sempai,” Urataros chimed, “You’re flattering yourself again!” “Hah,” Kintaros shouted, doing his neck-cracking pose, “The handsomeness would make you cry!” “Sugee!” Ryuutaros said, once more. “We have our own cards!” “But,” Deneb said, “What are these, exactly?” Yuki found two more cards; a darker blue one with Cobalt’s image on it and a gray card with Fang’s, the Vampire Imagin. Ryoutaro and Yuuto stared at Cobalt’s in shock. “You met Cobalt on February 20, 2006?!” --- Jeff: I think she means "Sugoi", which is supposed to be like "Cool" or "Amazing". "Sugee" sounds like something a retard would shout at me if I took his lollypop away. Sean: Yeah... Jeff: In 2006, Kabuto was still killing Worms. Sean: Hm....anything else? Jeff: Nope. Let's go. --- “Come to think of it, it’s been about one and a half year since we’ve met.” Yuki looked for more cards. “Nothing interesting left.” “Hey, let me see that!” Momotaros grabbed the box out of Yuki’s hand and searched for more cards. The other Taros joined him. “Oi!” Hana was about to deliver a solid punch to the gut to the four, but Yuki stopped her. “Let me do it, Hana-chan.” Like a merciless warrior, she roundhouse kicked the four, leaving them unconscious on the floor. She took the box, sat down, and laid her head on the table. “Is it okay if I sleep here for the meantime?” Naomi nodded in agreement. “Just don’t make some mess.” Owner said. --- Sean: ...did she just.... Jeff: ... Jeff: *takes a pen in one hand and a pencil in the other then slams them into his own eyes* Jeff: *Unfortunately, that only served to improve his vision* CRAP! NOOOO! THIS REALLY IS HELL!!! Sean: .....So, what else can be done to solidify her Mary Sue Status? Jeff: Unless she learns to FLY, not much --- “I’ll be heading home, too.” “Deneb, koe.” “Bye! Have a safe trip!” said Naomi, in her usual upbeat attitude. “We’re closing for today, Hana-chan, Cobalt-chan.” “I’m okay here, Onee-chan.” Cobalt replied. As Naomi turned off the lights, a groan was heard. “Her strength will make you cry.” said Kintaros, who had woken up after the beating. “Shut up, kuma!” “How long are we going to stay like this?” “I don’t know, Ryuuta.” Urataros replied. --- Jeff: ... Jeff: ... let's... just... go.. --- -The next day- “Cobalt…” Yuki whispered. Cobalt’s ears perked up and listened attentively. “Remember the last time… I had a strange dream?” Cobalt nodded. “Last night… it happened again…” “And I presume you didn’t find these in your box?” Cobalt was holding some kind of belt and four new cards. “I sense a new Imagin.” “Nggh…” Separating herself from the table, she took out the box of cards, and found a new, purple card. “A snake?” Smirking, she stood up and dragged Cobalt out for their new adventure. “Good morning!” greeted Naomi to no one in particular. “Huh? Where’s Yuki-chan and Cobalt-chan?” “Ha! Good morning!” Kintaros suddenly stood up, followed by the others. “What a night.” --- Jeff: ... A snake? What fairy tale is THAT from, pre tell? Sean: I could make a joke here but it would be so wrong.... Jeff: I, on the other hand, are not so reserved. She hates snakes because she only likes cats! Sean: And if anyone doesn't get that joke, think about it for a bit. Jeff: When you get it, I'll be here. --- -Back to Yuki and Cobalt’s whereabouts… Because they run 500 miles per hour- “Onee-san, tell me again why you’re letting me use your body?” Cobalt’s voice was heard from Yuki’s body. Well, since I’m still sleepy, you go ahead and finish this for me. “Fine then.” C-Yuki had her hair tied up in a ponytail, leaving dark blue-colored locks. Her ponytail also had a dark blue highlight going thru it. Her eyes were also in the same color. “I can sense the Imagin nearby…” The Snake Imagin was hiding above C-Yuki; but because of his camouflage, Cobalt couldn’t determine where he was. He slowly descended, and without warning, struck C-Yuki from behind. She groaned in pain. “So… Is this the new hero?” The Snake Imagin hissed. C-Yuki smirked. “So, I’m that famous?” “Of course.” The Snake Imagin replied. “But I don’t need to waste my time on you. I need a contract to finish. See ya!” --- Sean: ....FIVE HUNDRED MILES PER HOUR?! Jeff: ... *Spits up something that, at one point, was probably vital to survival* Sean: ....Is that your liver? Jeff: ... Yes. Sean: ...Well, good thing you don't need that any more Jeff: Yeah. I hate this... so much. Sean: Well, there's some good news and bad news Sean: Good news? It looks like a fight is FINALLY happening Jeff: It's one thing to violate Sonic X - which was already a bastardization. It's one thing to violate Half-Life. It's another thing to raep something I hold dear like Kamen Rider!!! Sean: Bad News? The Mary Sue will probably overshadow everyone. Sean: Ready? Jeff: If I must. --- “No you won’t!” Grabbing onto a part of the Imagin’s armor, she pulled him and introduced her elbow to his face, making him fly and kiss the pavement. “So… You’re this strong…” he said in between twitches. Smirking once again, she replied, “A year with Onee-san has sharpened my senses.” The Snake Imagin laughed. “Oh, really?” A copy of him appeared behind C-Yuki and beat her up helplessly, until Cobalt was thrown out. Trouble… Yuki opened here eyes and saw Cobalt being beaten up. Trouble…? She stood and reached for the belt she had dropped. She put it on, pushed the white button, and a calm, samurai-like music played. She slid a white card into the buckle. The belt announced, “BAI HU FORM”. A black, female version of Plat Form surrounded her body, accompanied by white tiger-like armor that instantly found their place. A white tiger-like mask flew to her helmet, and it was complete. --- Jeff: So... she's like Wing form... only... lesbian? Sean: I guess. Jeff: and the Plat Form WAS black, idiot! Sean: WHOOPS, LOL --- “And who are you?” “I am, Yuki.” She growled and did a tiger stance. “Don’t you dare hurt my aibou!” Running at a blinding speed, she clawed both Imagins. Ryoutaro, as Den-O Sword Form, and Yuuto came just in time. “Who is that?” Momotaros felt his spine tingle. “I don’t know, but…” He noticed Cobalt lying at the side. “Hey, isn’t that the strange girl’s Imagin?” Could it be that Rider is Yuki-san? “Well then, looks like I can save my cards.” Yuuto said coldly. --- Jeff: Aibou? Sounds like something you'd make in Spore's Creature Creator. Sean: Yep. acts angry towards males, Female Imagin, referring to her as "Aibou" which I believe means Partner if my memory serves..Definately lurves the kittens. Jeff: Yep. TOld ya. Sean: Oh, and Yuuto apparently has cards. Hey, maybe this explains how he goes from like 6 to 2 between like two episodes! .....*sigh* Jeff: Or maybe the writer is just an idiot. Sean: Or that. --- Momotaros got angry at his statement. “Oi! You should be grateful someone’s covering your ass when you’re not around.” “Sempai!” Urataros said from DenLiner. “What’s up with the sudden personality change?” “Iya!” Yuki winced as she got struck by one of the Snakes. “Tables have turned, kid!” “I don’t know why, but ikuze, ikuze ikuze!” Momotaros swung his sword wildly. Yuuto, however, decided to watch in the sidelines. Both Yuki and Cobalt got up. “Onee-san… Are you okay?” “Still sleepy…” Pressing the dark blue button on the belt, an upbeat, Chinese-like music played. She took out the white card and replaced it with a dark blue one. The belt announced, “QING LONG FORM”. The white armor was replaced with dark blue dragon-like armor, and a mask similar to Gun Form’s flew onto the helmet, only colored differently. Cobalt possessed Yuki, and cracked her knuckles. “Remember this,” she said. “My strength is without falsehood.” To Be Continued! --- Sean: ... Jeff: The random gratuitous Japanese is seriously getting to me. Like a single fly buzzing around my head that slowly drives you insane. Sean: Also, I don't feel good about Momotaros' suddenly changing personality if it's indicating what I think it is. Jeff: Yeah... that and "Qing Long", for those who don't know, is probably the most heavily-stereotyped and butchered Chinese legend concerning dragons. Basically, she's just fem-fapping to herself. Sean: ....I'm not touching that with a ten foot pole. ...*snicker* Jeff: Heh heh. Next. Sean: Oh, Chapter 4 warns that it has spoilers for the movies. Sean: So...there's your warning, too. Jeff: So much for alternate continuity. --- Chapter 4 “My strength is without falsehood.” “Like we care!” yelled the bulkier Snake Imagin. He threw Momotaros back to his companion. “He’s yours. Finish him off so we can find that jewel.” “Fine then.” Cobalt reached for her weapon, but noticed it was missing. Stopping for a moment, she raised her head. “There are no tricks or devices.” “Hmm? Buying time?” the bulky Snake Imagin hissed. He laughed and ran towards her. Cobalt snapped her hands. “Go.” Two daggers emerged from the ground and struck both Imagins. She caught them and formed it into one large spear. “I won’t waste another minute. Momotaros, let’s go.” Pressing a button on top of the belt’s buckle, it announced, “FULL CHARGE”. Momotaros swiped the pass and the belt said the same. “Ore no hissatsu waza… Part 3!” he said as he sliced the smaller Snake Imagin in half. “Goodbye.” Cobalt ran, the spear glowing a dark blue, and stabbed the bulky Snake Imagin once, twice, and thrice before giving it a roundhouse kick. “Checkmate.” --- Jeff: *Sigh* The gratuitous Japanese. I can't shake it. It just pisses me off... Jeff: Seriously. For all fans out there - don't do it. Jeff: You're not cool. You're ghey. Hardghey. So go Foooooooooo yourself. Sean: Just say the english equivalent if you're going to reference it. Jeff: We can let a few things go. "Henshin" for one, and maybe "Ore sanjou", but apart form that, you're just being ghey and stupid and stupidly ghey Sean: Yeah, we let those slide because Henshin and Ore Sanjou sound better than "Transform "and "I Arrive" Jeff: And does ANYONE have any idea who the hell is fighting who? Sean: They're fighting some imagin. I think a snake Jeff: But it's like there are two and... oh, who cares... --- Both took off their belts, and their suits de-materialized. Cobalt re-appeared in her physical form. “Kuh. How troublesome.” Yuki said. “Not bad for a newbie.” Yuuto, from afar, coldly said. “You think I’m a newbie?” Yuki laughed. “I’ve been in this business for one and a half years now, and you mistake me for yourself.” Yuuto walked towards the two. “But it’s clear that I’m stronger.” Yuki smirked. “Oh, really? I’ve been training with Cobalt for a year now, and I know a lot.” She cracked her knuckles. “A whole lot.” “Well then, let’s see who’s stronger.” “Right here. Right now.” --- Sean: ....So here's the glaring problem. Why would Yuuto ever bother wasting a card on this annoying Mary Sue? Jeff: He wouldn't. He doesn't care to get close to other people. Sean: And anyone who actually paid attention to the series knows that. Sean: and knows WHY Jeff: Besides, she wouldn't remember him after a few more Henshins anyways. --- Ryoutaro stopped both of them before they literally kill each other. “You two! We still have to see if the contractor is okay. Are you just going to stay here and let them destroy the past?!” Cobalt tilted her head. “Another one.” Without warning, she grabbed Yuki by the collar and took a pass, similar to Ryoutaro’s, and said, “We’ll continue the talk in the train.” Yuki struggled to get out of Cobalt’s grasp. “You don’t have the right to treat me like this!” She hit the back of Cobalt’s neck, and she was free. However, her partner fell and in a flash, turned into a small dragon statuette. Yuki picked her up and groaned. “Looks like we’re even for now, Boku-chan.” She and Ryoutaro boarded DenLiner, leaving Yuuto. --- Jeff: Contractor? Now we're getting buildings set up. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this depressing alleyway is future headquarters of Lez Limited, for all your carpet-munching Mary Sue needs! Sean: *tries to stifle his laughter* Jeff: The term is "Contract Holder". Idiot author. Sean: I almost am willing to bet she actually did see it all but just didn't bother to pay attention to the details. Jeff: Why not? She's ignored every other law, intracacy and character developement in the entire series. --- -DenLiner - “I heard one of them saying they should find a jewel.” Ryoutaro said. “So that means the contract was to find some kind of jewel.” “So, it’s either the contractor was a thief, or the guy had that jewel but seemingly lost it.” Yuki took out the Snake Imagin’s card. “I think we’ll have difficulty finding the last one. The first two could’ve alerted the last one.” Hana decided to interrupt. “Yuki-san, how do you…” “Have a belt, similar to Ryou and Boku-chan’s?” Yuki tried to remember. “Onee-san used to work in this company, and two years before the explosion there, she and her colleagues started a project, named ‘Blue Moon’, which is SeiRyuu. They wanted it to operate only when in the hands of a Singular Point; however, the system malfunctioned and now it will work on anyone. They decided they would cancel it, but one and a half years ago, when I met Cobalt, I found the belt inside a box, along with four cards. I decided to keep it without anyone knowing, and today I had to use it again.” --- Jeff: Didn't you know? All contractors are thieves. I mean, have you SEEN the state of modern buildings? It's horrible. Sean: You're going to drive that point until it's nicely dulled, aren't you? Jeff: Oh, and no one "made" Rider Belts in Den-O. They've always been because the transcend time, just as DenLiner does. Jeff: There are series where the rider systems are human-made, but Den-O ain't one of 'em Sean: Yeah, seriously. I honestly think she's mixing up other riders in with this now. Sean: or making stuff up as she goes along Jeff: Probably the latter. --- “Nah. I’ve seen the beta tests, and that’s why I know how to use it.” Yuki stopped. “Which reminds me. I think I kinda know where that snake will strike next.” Cobalt, who had returned to her normal appearance, listened to the talk. Ryuutaros suddenly approached her. “Ryuu-chan can do magic tricks, right? Can you also do fortune telling?” The three other Taros also joined in. “You guys want to know your fortune?” Cobalt took out a cartomancy deck. “Each of you, pick one.” Ryuutaros had picked Spades, and Cobalt read it first. “A man named Nega has stolen a valuable item, and has started an organization, composed of Imagins and vampire-like creatures. You will solve this case as Police DenLiner, and will fight alongside a ‘King’; presumably the King of Vampires.” “Yay! We’re going to be detectives!” Ryuutaros said, full of glee. Urataros had taken Hearts. “The four of you, plus Deneb and someone else who looks like a bird will go on a space voyage. That and your lies will turn into truths.” “I wish I hadn’t heard of that sorrowful news.” Urataros whimpered. --- Sean: ....so what was the point of spoiling the movie? Sean: Second movie, to be precise. Jeff: Right, because just like machines that turn humans into furries, they always let little girls near the testing of Rider Gears. Jeff: (MASSIVE SARCASM ALERT) Oooooh! It's because of the fucktard Mary Sue that they formed Police DenLiner! Oh, and they'll go into space? Does she mean the non-canon Imagin Anime? Whoa! I had NO IDEA that useless retarded fanfic authors from ENGLISH SPEAKING NATIONS effect Toei Inc. SO MUCH - a JAPANESE COMPANY! Sean: ....Were you being sarcastic there? Jeff: Maybe. Jeff: Let's move on. --- Kintaros, who had taken Diamonds, held his card proudly. “The four of you will become new heroes who will preserve the road of justice against a Rider named Rei, but a strange incident will temporarily send you to the bodies of four humans; Sanjou, a police, Koji, a chess player, Masaki-sensei, and Kenichi, a soccer player. Afterwards, you guys return the van you stole from the real preservers of the road of justice.” “We stole something? Outrageous!” Momotaros held his card, which was Clubs, like he was offering something to the gods. “Ugh, are these fortunes really that important?” “Without knowing what will happen next, I can’t have a climax!” Momotaros pleaded. “Somehow, that doesn’t sound right.” Cobalt muttered. “A ghost train will arrive from the future, inside is a young man named Ko who is the new Den-O. Along with him, an old man who is Kamen Rider Yuuki. Contracted to a Ghost Imagin, he seems to be evil. Solving a crime in 1729, this is when Police DenLiner is created.” “Are these in chronological order?” Momotaros asked. “Ask Haruhi.” “Osu! Let’s go hunt some snakes!” Yuki said as she grabbed Cobalt and headed outside, with Ryoutaro and Hana following. --- Sean: ...is she making stuff up now? Jeff: Completely. Jeff: By the way, she seems to KNOW the Imagin... but not Sieg - even though he, too, possessed Ryoutaro. Jeff: Haruhi...? Jeff: ... Jeff: SHE... HAD... THE... Sean: ...I don't know Jeff: BALLS... Jeff: TO REFERENCE... Sean: ....o-o Jeff: THAT ANIME... IN KAMEN RIDER DEN-O?! Jeff: ... Jeff: NO!!! NOOOOO!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!! DOES NOT COMPUTE! DOES NOT FUCKING COMPUTE!!! Sean: J-J-Jeff...a-are you okay? Jeff: *Writhes around violently, falling to the floor, madly frothing at the mouth, spitting up copious amounts of blood* *~3 hours later* Sean: Zzz.... Jeff: *Ahem* ... I'm better now. Sean: Duh-wha? Oh. about damn time Jeff: Right. Next part. --- -Some random jewelry store- “Here’s your jewel!” The last Snake Imagin, who was a bit muscular, dragged his contractor towards a display. Inside was a very beautiful diamond-studded necklace. The Snake Imagin grabbed it and threw it onto his contractor. “This… is…” “Contract complete!” The young man’s body split in half, revealing a passageway to the past. The Imagin jumped into it, moments before Yuki, Ryoutaro and Hana came running. Yuuto also appeared. “Boku-chan.” “Newbie.” “Imagin in the past?” “Right.” Ryoutaro and Yuuto placed their respective tickets on the man’s head. Yuki took out the Imagin’s card. 05.03.00 appeared on their cards. “May 3, 2000. Do you remember what happened on this day?” Hana asked the young man. “That was when…” He started crying. “That was when my mother…” Yuki kneeled and consoled the young man. “Its alright, I know what you feel.” Knowing that he would be okay, she stood up. “Let’s go.” --- Jeff: And now she's just ripping off EPISODE FUCKING ONE of Den-O for lack of originality. --- “Henshin.” The two men boarded their respective trains. Yuki took out another card, with the kanji for ‘claw’ written on it. “ClawLiner, koe!” A dark blue train with white highlights composed of four cars, similar to Ikazuchi, appeared. Cobalt was on board. “Onee-san, ikuzo.” Sean: She has her own train, too. Jeff: ... ClawLiner? Jeff: She couldn't be more creative than that? Seriously? ClawLiner? Jeff: I don't have to make fun of something that, in Japanese, would be CrawRinah. Sean: Seriously...what? Jeff: La Li Lu Le Lo, bitch Sean: ...shall we move on? Jeff: yes --- -May 3, 2000- As Den-O Sword Form and Zeronos Altair Form left their trains, the Past Man hid from their view. Yuki, on top of a building, as SeiRyuu Baihu Form, noticed him. “Den-O. Zeronos.” The Snake Imagin hissed. “No pre-battle strikes for you.” Momotaros said. “From start ‘till end I am at a climax!” “Let me say this at the start. I am fairly strong!” Yuuto said. Yuki jumped off the building, holding two daggers. “Huh. How troublesome.” “This will be a nice challenge.” The Imagin jumped onto Momotaros, and bit him. “Oi! Get off of me!” “Here we’ll see who’s stronger, newbie.” Yuuto said, holding the ZeroGasher in Sabre Mode. “After you, Boku-chan.” --- Jeff: Random repetition makes the fanfic longer, class. Sean: Yuuto would not waste time giving the newbie a chance to attack. He'd just charge the fucking imagin and try to kill him before any damage was done. Jeff: Yuuto has a sense of responsibility, which Yukiwryyyyy seems to lack Sean: Seriously.... Sean: also, is she trying to be cool by standing on a building? Sean: OH LOOK AT ME I'M ON A BUILDING LOLOLOLOL Jeff: Probably. She is a Sue. Jeff: Shit, she CAN fly! Jeff: I CALLED IT!!! Sean: So is there anything else we're missing? Jeff: ... Jeff: Nope. She's 193% Sue Sean: The only way she could be more Sueish is if someone made a comment about her being well-endowed. Of course, that'll probably happen in Chapter 5 now that I said it. But since that's not released yet we don't have to cover it. HA-HA! Jeff: And, at the rate this is heading, it would be poor Momotaros who was forced to say it Sean: Yeah, as if he needs more reason to get the stuffing knocked outta him Jeff: Yeah... poor guy --- Both stabbed the Snake Imagin off Momotaros. Doing various sword fighting techniques, the two weaken the Snake Imagin. However, Momotaros disapproves of this. “Hey! I disapprove of this! Let me fight!” “FULL CHARGE” Yuuto slashed at the Snake Imagin, leaving an ‘A’ mark, while Yuki threw her daggers at the Imagin and gave it a flying kick, destroying the Imagin. “But… But… What about me?” Momotaros said, pointing at himself. “This show is called Kamen Rider Den-O! That means me! ME!” Momotaros, who are you talking to? “I dunno.” --- 4th Wall: OH GOD MY SPINE! Jeff: ... Jeff: *Ahem* "Momotaros disapproves of this (random tense change followed ever-so-cleverly with), "Hey! I disapprove of this!" Sean: ...wow, I didn't even notice that until now. Sean: Was that necessary? No. Jeff: Not in the least. In fact, this wasn't the first random tense change. It's probably the twentieth. Sean: Didn't we have a problem with that on another fanfic? Jeff: All of them thus far, if you must be reminded... Sean: Guh... Sean: Now I'm looking at Bryan's fanfic more favorably because that's at least written well. Jeff: Yeah... maybe we'll do that one next --- -Back in Milk Dipper- “Yuki-chan,” Airi called. “Thank you for delivering the basket. I’ve been waiting for this but no one had delivered it until yesterday.” “No problem, Airi-san. What was in it, anyways?” “It’s a secret.” “Yuki-san, are you and Yuuto still fighting?” “If he didn’t call me a newbie, then we wouldn’t have.” Yuki nearly crushed the cup she was holding. “I have this strange feeling again…” End! Or not. “Ryuu Seminar!” --- Sean: ....*headdesk* Jeff: Is it over yet? Sean: Apparently not. What the fuck is Ryuu Seminar? Jeff: I have no Earthly idea. Jeff: Oh, and the Sue has a superiority complex because she's been a rider since Kabuto was killing Worms in '06. Convenient, that --- Two girls appeared. One had short hair, and looked like Yuki. She was wearing a pink jacket and a white skirt. “I’m Ameiri, but you can call me Mei!” The other had layered hair, with a yellow headband. She was wearing a white shirt and pants. “I’m Rechelle, which is pronounced as Rachelle.” “We’ll be discussing about the SeiRyuu system!” “First off,” Mei took out the SeiRyuu belt. “’Blue Moon.’” A closer view. “It uses both Set Touch and Up Set. How?” “Henshin!” Mei just swipes a card in front of the buckle, which had a blue ‘S’ on it. Calm, samurai-like music started playing. “You can choose which form you’d like without pressing the buttons!” Inserting the card into the buckle, smoke appeared out of nowhere. “Next is the RyuuGasher.” Rechelle was holding blue versions of DenGasher and ZeroGasher. “Because of it’s similarity to DenGasher and ZeroGasher, it can assume their modes, as well as the combined ones.” She formed the daggers. “Two parts of DenGasher form the handle, folded, while one part of ZeroGasher forms the blade.” She connected the two to form a spear. “Extending the handles and connecting them; it’s like Rod Mode with blades at the end.” “I wonder what other combinations this can do.” Mei asked. Rechelle waved goodbye. “See you guys next time.” --- Sean: WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?! Jeff: GOD there's an ARMY of Sues who can conveniently use all the modes of Den-O and Zeronos with no limitations... like... oh, I dunno, Climax Form nearly KILLS Ryoutaro to use?! Sean: ....And if there were more chapters this would already be demonstrated. ....yeah, she's now 5000% Mary Sue Jeff: It's over? Sean: Well, that's about it, aside from the Author's Note I have no intent on bringing up. Sean: ....Jeff, we have to deal with this. Sean: We can't just go "YAY! IT'S OVER!" Jeff: Unless it's an apology for how terrible this is... yes, this fanfic MUST BE DESTROYED Sean: You first. Jeff: We have to do this in honor of Den-O and Zeronos... RUNNING IT OVER WITH TRAINS!!! Sean: RIGHT! ...but we don't have Trains that travel through time. Jeff: We don't need time-traveling trains. Just trains. Sean: ...Where will we get those? Jeff: Maybe if we ask real nice, the legions of Hell will help us out Sean: ....Please? Tails Doll: Okay, you know what? I admit, this sucks. Here. *Train Tracks appear out of nowhere and out come DenLiner and ZeroLiner* Jeff: *Laughs with glee as they run down the Sue-fic* Sean: Ahh...that was awesome. *Later, at the waiting room* Jeff: Well, glad that's over. Sean: Anyways, that's another fanfiction done Sean: Post in the topic if you have a suggestion for us. Sean: Also, if you're one of the authors in question and wish to email us an angry letter or write a revenge fic of some sort, feel free to show us so we can post it and laugh at you. Jeff: Because if it's twice as good at the ones we've done so far, we'll enjoy ripping it to shreds too. Sean: Well, that's about it. Anything else to add, Jeff? Jeff: Sues = PHAIL. Period. Sean: Good Enough! Well, I'm Sean, and that's a Jackass! Seeya later! Sean: ...Jeff, where did you go? ...Where's ZeroLiner...OH SHI-- Jeff: KEE KEE KEE KEE KEEE!!! Edited by Sean, Aug 21 2009, 04:00 PM.
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| ddrattack | Sep 6 2008, 09:26 PM Post #9 |
The DDR of all things Rythm
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Haha! Awesome!!! |
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8:51 AM Dec 5
