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| Sf-x; IAQ Madness Galore! | |
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| Topic Started: Jul 29 2008, 11:41 AM (399 Views) | |
| Root | Sep 3 2009, 07:35 PM Post #111 |
The Speaker for the Dead
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Oh there were much lulz to be had ! Well done. |
Does being the only sane one make me the insane one, in a sort of way? Though my eyes could see, I was still a blind man; Though my mind could think, I still was a madman... "Yes there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run...there's still time to change the road you're on" | |
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| Sean | Sep 3 2009, 08:53 PM Post #112 |
The ⑥of Four Against Nature
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NOBODY COULD SURVIVE THAT! |
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| Rem | Sep 5 2009, 05:45 PM Post #113 |
Why yes, I do like snickerdoodles.
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The format reminds me so much of when I had to write a 20 paged play for Drama. ... :| |
 Have you ever wondered what color air is? | |
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| Jeff | Sep 29 2009, 07:32 PM Post #114 |
Lord of Pie & BBWs
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-Chapter 2: Liberation Mission – Tower and Major ED!- The scene then opens after a save prompt with SF-X lying on a bed and a man dressed much like a doctor at his side. SF-X: I wish my creator was still alive… so I could kill him for building my armor out of aluminum. Ow. Doctor: Ahh. X. You’ve come to. SF-X: What? Where am I? Who are you? How’d you know who I was? Doctor: You’ve come to. A place that won’t be consequential ever again. A doctor. And I raided your wallet. SF-X: You’re sharp. Doctor: Thank you. But you should take it slowly. I just finished the repairs. SF-X: You’re a doctor, yet you excel at robotic repairs? Doctor: It was my minor in college. SF-X: Wh-what about Null? I don’t want to carry the entire game by myself again. Doctor: We found no one there but you. You can rest here as long as you’d like. SF-X: Until I’m level 5 or so, yeah. Doctor: You’ll be safe here. This is the HQ of The Resilience. SF-X: The what? Doctor: We’re an organization that opposes the Bacon. SF-X: … So you’re a… resistance to a rebellion? Isn’t that a little redundant? Doctor: We’re big on irony here. When you’re ready, you can take the main path up to the town center area. When you’re set and, as SF-X mentioned, around level 5-ish or so, you can head to the surface. There’ll be a guy along the way offering to sell you items, but you won’t need any of them as you’ll find plenty as you go. Eventually, you’ll find a triangular fountain in a town square area and this’ll trigger another cutscene. SF-X walks up and sits on the rim of the fountain and tries his communicator again. SF-X: Colonel Jim? Jim: SF-X! Where are you? I’ve been trying to reach you all morning! SF-X: Your choice in assistants sucks, Colonel. Just a little FYI. Jim: What?! SF-X: C-NOT betrayed us. We got ambushed and my Null… err… I mean… that retarded assistant of mine got her butt kicked. *Cough*. I am still badass. Jim: Hmm… this is most fortuitous. SF-X: What? Jim: Err… did I say fortuitous? I meant bad. Very bad. Very, very bad, in fact. SF-X: Anyways, what the hell do I do now?! The communicator begins receiving static again. SF-X: Colonel? DAMN IT!!! I hate this island and every stinking thing on it! SF-X turns around to look out over the balcony behind him where a small group of people are, looking at a massive, blinking sign with SF-X’s picture on it. Voice: Federal agents have infiltrated the premises! SF-X: Whoa. Hey. That’s me. … Wait, I didn’t know I was a fed. Wait, if I’m a fed why don’t have a kickass shield-badge and everything?! THIS IS A RIP OFF!!! Voice: Federal agents have illegally entered the boundaries of Mega City. ILLEGAL ENTRY! If you see them, report them immediately. SF-X: Hey, we could use a system like that back in the states! The sign flies off as the crowd turns to stare at SF-X. SF-X: … What? The cinema ends and you can speak to the people, but they all kind of shrug and explain how if they reported you, they’d have to fill out paperwork and that they’d sooner die. So you’re off on a technicality. You can then enter the market plaza but there’s no one here, currently. The few people walking around cite their fear of The Bacon and ask you at least twice if you get the historical reference. Just keep going (it’s roughly a straight line as the other areas are blocked off) until you go through a hallway and into an open area. This’ll trigger the next scene. A large, burly spin-off walks up to SF-X from the shadows. Spin-Off: You… you’re X, aren’t you? SF-X turns to face him. SF-X: Sorry, guy, I’m not signing autographs today and I’m busy. SF-X begins walking away but the Spin-Off persists. Spin-Off: Sorry, but I had to report you. SF-X whirls around to face him. SF-X: You’re with The Bacon?! Spin-Off: I’m not with them, in the strictest sense of the word, but shouldn’t you, as a Spin-Off— SF-X interrupts by raising his buster and blowing a generous portion of the Spin-Off out of its chest, dropping it. SF-X: FOR THE LAST DAMN TIME! I! AM! NOT! A! SPIN-OFF! The Spin-Offs were produced off MY design! I am NOT a Spin-Off, damn you! SF-X leaps away suddenly as what looks like a pool ball smashes into the ground near him. SF-X: What the--?! SF-X then looks up to face the attacker and sees a slender, mannish woman in a suit, tie and top-hat. Woman: Trust me, I didn’t do that for you! SF-X: What? Shoot the dirt? Woman: Err… shut up! You wanna fight?! SF-X: Well, I always want to fight. But I’m only authorized to kill… SF-X looks around briefly. SF-X: By the way, are you part of The Bacon? Woman: I’m neither Bacon nor Resilience. However… if I brought your head to the Bacon Army… it’d fetch a pretty penny! SF-X: … Get down here. Woman: What? SF-X: I SAID COME DOWN HERE! YOU LOOK JUST SILLY STANDING UP THERE! The Woman leaps down to square off with SF-X. Woman: Now, let’s RUMBLE! SF-X: *Sigh* Whatever. -Boss- Bandit Mij When the battle begins, you’ll hear her say, “By the way, I’m Mij. It’s a pleasure,” The game then, paradoxically, explains the Hyper Mode system like you haven’t already abused it yet this game but, what the hell? Play ball and go Getter SF-X and let loose with a full-charged special. That should end this fight nicely. Mij: D-damn! I was about to win! SF-X: Pffft. Not likely. Mij: Well, we’ll pick this up later, chump! Mij takes off like a blur, SF-X standing perfectly still and stoic. SF-X: No. Wait. Don’t go. Come back. Your then returned to control and prompted to keep going as alarms are now blaring with no intention of stopping until the next major event flag. Luckily for you, the way forward is open now and you may run on ahead into the base of the massive tower. There, you’ll get an upgrade to SF-X’s buster, the matchbook. The elemental system works like this: Water beats Fire, Fire beats Thunder, Thunder beats Water. Don’t ask why. Just acknowledge and accept. Anyways, you’ll sneak into the tower’s basement. Unfortunately, the elevators are turned off and the game rather crudely requests you go jump off when you attempt to access it a second time. Eventually, you’ll reach a door which triggers a cutscene. SF-X walks into a large, square room and is met by a fellow in a fancy wheelchair. Man: You’re the GOYAADS Agent known as X, aren’t you? SF-X: Who wants to know? Man: I am Beere. SF-X: You must be a hoot at college parties. Beere: Yes, because I’ve never heard that one before. I’m a member of the Resilience. SF-X: That is such a bad organization name. Anyways, what’s going on around here? I’m kind of new in town. Beere: Well, if you made it this far, you probably figured it out for yourself. SF-X: No. Actually, I haven’t. For once, everyone’s leaving me in the dark and there aren’t any cutscenes taking place in the enemy stronghold to spoil the plot for everyone every two levels. Beere: Well, our leader, Honcho S, has been captured by the Bacon. SF-X: Ahh. And you’re here to save him? Beere: That was the idea, anyways. When I got here, I remembered I am, in fact, in a wheelchair. Needless to say, that’s not very conducive to field operations involving heavy artillery. SF-X: I’ll say. I’m technically on a recon mission, but it sounds like your pal can help me out too. I’ll lend a hand. Beere: Thank you, X! Well, if you’re going to help me, you’re going to be needing this… Beere then smashes his hand into his chest, then tears out his own spleen, then hands it to SF-X. SF-X: I am without words. Beere: You can use that as ID-positive in order to get to the governor’s precinct. Besides, you collect those all the time, don’t you? SF-X: No! Those are robotic parts designed to comedically REPRESENT spleens! Beere: … Huh. Good to know. Anyways— Suddenly, the door opens and some Earplugs rush in. Beere then shoves SF-X out the back way as the door shuts. SF-X: What the--?! BEERE! What are you doing?! I totally could’ve taken those guys! Beere: There isn’t time for that! Go save Honcho S! SF-X: You’re in no condition to fight! A, you’re wheelchair-bound, and B, you just TORE OUT YOUR OWN SPLEEN, MAN! Did you stop to think this plan through at all?! Beere: You have to help Honcho S! SF-X: BEERE! The scene shifts to the bleeding Beere extending his arms. Beere: I LIKE THE LORD OF THE RINGS A LOT!!! Beere then self-destructs somehow (maybe he had C4 in his bra) and destroys the Earplugs and damages the door in front of SF-X. SF-X: … That was surprisingly pimp. Here’s to you, Beere. You died before I had a chance to make any more brewery jokes. SF-X opens a bottle of some beverage and pours it out in memorandum. The scene ends and you’re allowed to continue onward. A few floors down the line (and I do mean line, since it’s pretty much a straight shot) you’ll meet a guy who asks you to help his friends. Go to the next room and blow some Earplugs away. You’ll meet the Fetish-tastic Costume Trio: Iris, Lily and Rose. Not only do they, too, have fetish-tastic costumes, they are also ethnic minorities! Hurray for avoiding lawsuits! They also sell weapons, items and farce metal, respectively. When you leave the room, another cutscene triggers. It shows a room far above SF-X and a very suave and evil guy with a pompadour. Pompadour Guy: Hmph! Lousy GOYAADS Agent! But you do live up to your reputation. Bandit Mij walks up. Mij: Too much for you to handle, RICK Diastley? RICK: Mij! Hmph. So you think you can take him down? Mij: That depends on how much it pays. RICK: Oh, money, is it? Well, we’re all Commies, so we believe in equal distribution of wealth. There’ll be plenty of money to go around. If you can beat SF-X, you may name your price! Mij: I could care less what government runs what. But a blank check sounds good to me. The scene ends and you resume playing. Keep on going and a guy you’ll meet on the way will give you a key to rescue Honcho S. Eventually, you’ll see a door with a rather overly-emphasized device next to it. Inspect it to get another cutscene. SF-X reaches to mess with the device but a pool ball smashes into the wall near him, causing him to whirl around, buster extended. SF-X: Next time you try to be all STEALTHY-STEALTH ROFLCOPTER, try NOT smashing cue balls into nearby surfaces. Mij is leaning against a wall, smug as ever before rising up to stand straight. Mij: You really stirred things up, X. Which is perfect! … For me. SF-X: You’re really pissin’ me off, A-Cup. Mij: My name’s Mij. Now! Say your prayers! The scene blacks out then comes back in as SF-X gets kicked into a wall. SF-X: HEY! You can’t hit me during a transition! Mij: Too bad for you, I can see you like you’re in slow motion! SF-X: No you can’t. Besides, I whipped you earlier this chapter! Mij looks down and sees the spleen lying on the ground. Mij: A spleen? SF-X: DON’T TOUCH THAT! … I’m not sure if it’s sanitary or not… BESIDES! A filthy bounty hunter like you doesn’t deserve to lay hands on that! It belonged to a pimpin’ guy who not only didn’t even FLINCH when he disemboweled himself; he nuked a room so hard that it broke the game’s programming! A bitch like you has NO RIGHT to touch Beere’s spleen! Mij: So… he died? And gave it to you? SF-X: Yes. He gave up his own spleen to save Honcho S so that we could stop the Bacon. Mij stands then glances up at a nearby security camera. Mij: The deal’s off, RICK! The scene switches over to RICK Diastley, now furious. RICK: THAT BITCH!!! All troops: destroy BOTH of them!!! The scene changes back to SF-X and Mij. Mij: Yes, yes, now that both sides have called me a bitch, I admit I may be just a dirty bounty hunter… but I’d never defile a friend’s spleen. SF-X: That borders between the dramatic and “What the hell, that’s a commonplace occurrence for you?”. Mij: Well, don’t worry about it. I’m gonna take care of the trash down here. You go ahead! SF-X: Right. ‘Cuz you and the Earplugs had about the same chances of stopping me from doing so. None. SF-X glances down at the spleen in his hand. SF-X: A friend, huh? … People defile friends’ spleens? After that, head on up the tower further still. Eventually you’ll find a split where you can only go to the left at first. Head that way and you’ll find Honcho S in captivity. Earplug: What?! Resilience fighters here? SF-X: Out of my way! PLOT ARMOR IS GO!!! After you destroy them, it’ll trigger a scene between X and S. SF-X: I’m here to rescue you, Honcho S! Honcho: Th-thank you… but who are you? SF-X: I’m SF-X. A GOYAADS agent and, uhh, a fed, apparently. Honcho: So, you’re X? I see. How goes the Resilience? SF-X: I saved a couple of the fighters… but Beere gave his life so that I could go on and find you. Honcho: Beere did that?! … Hold on! A message from the monitor? On the nearby monitor an image of RICK Diastley appears. RICK: So, S and X together, eh?! You are fools to resist the future Emperor of Spin-Offs! Honcho: You keep talking and all I hear is bullshit. You could tear me apart and even the smallest screw would resist you! RICK: OH REALLY?! RICK holds up a badly wounded Mij. SF-X: Oh, hey, it’s that dyke no one lykes—err—likes. RICK: In that case you won’t mind if I bring this whole BUILDING down on you? Hah! When the fireworks are over not even a screw will remain between the two of you! Honcho: A bomb?! SF-X: Oh, good grief. I should’ve seen this coming. I’m on my way! Honcho: I’ll navigate you from here, okay? SF-X: Sure, I guess. I’ve diffused lots of bombs; I think I’ll be fine. Except I have a hard time with C4, so let’s hope that’s not the case… You resume playing, so head down the other path in the T-intersection upwards. You’ll fight several earplugs who shout random nonsense at you. Honcho S will contact you if you go the wrong way and when a locked door needs to be opened and he’ll clear the path for you until you arrive at the main control room and press the button. Honcho: You did it! Confirmation can be seen on my end too! Now, you must hurry! RICK is heading up to the heliport on the roof of this building! He must be stopped! SF-X: Oh goodie! My favorite part! The violence! Run up the spiral staircase to the heliport. There’s a save station right outside it, so you’ll be fine. Walk through the door marked “HELI” and a cutscene ensues. SF-X hurries out onto the helipad and confronts the pompadour’d menace. SF-X: Oh boy! A boss fight! RICK: You canceled the self-destruct sequence?! You lousy GOYAADS Agent! SF-X: Aww. Did I piss you off? Yeah, I have a knack for that. Now, you’re goin’ down! RICK: You gotta be kidding!!! RICK blindsides SF-X with his bitching dance moves, throwing SF-X back, causing him to, once more, drop the spleen. RICK: Hmm? This spleen? SF-X: Oh, for the love of… look, if you want it so bad, TAKE IT. I’m tired of hearing it squish when I walk. RICK: So this is how you snuck into the building undetected! RICK goes to pick it up but a blazing pool ball smashes him in the shoulder, shoving him back. The camera twirls about to present Mij, standing in the doorway. Mij: RICK! Keep your lousy paws off that, you damn dirty Commie! SF-X: What did I say about smashing cue balls into things, huh? Mij: Bastards like you have NO RIGHT to touch that! Back off if you know what’s good for you! RICK: You don’t know when to give up, do you? Fine. I’ll rip you BOTH apart!! SF-X: Listen, you really think you can take me? I blow up Commies by the dozen on a slow day. RICK: I’ll show you! SF-X: Suit yourself. Just tryin’ to help you out. -Boss- RICK Diastley Fighting RICK is incredibly easy. He’s lightning-elemented and you have a flame-type buster as well as the option of getting flame-based attack items from the triplets earlier. Also, Getter-SF-X is a fire-affinity too, so… yeah. Just spam them and you’ll be fine. RICK’s only move of any merit is the RickRoll, where he busts out a surprisingly cool ‘80s number and dances, stunning both SF-X and Mij with the grace of his arm-swinging. Kill him and net a cutscene. SF-X: Thanks random shrew I’ve known for 10 minutes. You were a fantastic meat shield. Honcho: X! You really beat RICK, didn’t you?! SF-X: Ahh. Honcho S. Yeah, I got ‘im. Mij kinda helped. Sort of. Honcho: I see. Then I thank you too, Mij. You, too, fought in memory of Beere. Mij: See, Beere was my… uhh… bro—err… I mean… lov—err… I mean… business associate. Yeah. That sounds good. Business associate. And he’s in a wheelchair ‘cuz I blew it. Or something I’ll never elaborate on whilst connected to a polygraph. Honcho: Ah. I see. A good coincidence that you’re here then. SF-X: Coincidence? Mij: Uh, yeah. What would you call it? SF-X: Contrivance? Honcho: Oh, come now. I bet Beere brought us here together. Mij: How fitting. SF-X: How unlikely. Narrator: Mij joined the party! End chapter 2. |
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Come visit me and my thought processes at my website: http://www.publishedauthors.net/tdotdw/news.html "In the cold light, justice and morality always look corny and you can't wave the flag and look cool. But like it or not, society needs its heroes." - John Hart; actor who played The Lone Ranger. | |
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| Root | Sep 29 2009, 09:35 PM Post #115 |
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The Speaker for the Dead
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I, too, am without words. Spleens? Really? |
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Does being the only sane one make me the insane one, in a sort of way? Though my eyes could see, I was still a blind man; Though my mind could think, I still was a madman... "Yes there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run...there's still time to change the road you're on" | |
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| Rem | Sep 30 2009, 07:29 PM Post #116 |
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Why yes, I do like snickerdoodles.
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I MUTILATE SPLEENS FOR BREAKFAST. THAT'S JUST HOW BADASS I AM. ALSO, CAPS. |
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Have you ever wondered what color air is? | |
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