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| Ninja Babe Gaiden; Another IAQ from JeffCom! | |
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| Topic Started: Sep 30 2009, 08:18 PM (106 Views) | |
| Jeff | Sep 30 2009, 08:18 PM Post #1 |
Lord of Pie & BBWs
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Ninja Babe Gaiden Jeffcom -How to Play- Control Pad – Move Mina left, right, cling to walls, climb ladders, etc. B Button – Slash with your sword. A Button – Jump, wall-jump! Sound familiar? Start Button – Pause/Unpause game. Select Button – Do a taunt involving surprisingly well-rendered jiggle physics! -The Game- The game opens with two masked ninja-babes in the moonlight ready to pounce and kill and rock out and other such ninja-related activities. One’s in purple and the other one’s in orange. Orange Ninja: Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight? Purple Ninja: Yeah. He told me you’re a lesbian. The orange ninja babe strikes down the one in purple as a narration takes over told from our lead protagonist, Mina Wasabi. Mina: With whom did mother have a duel with and lose? For what reason did they fight – apart from the lesbo comment? I have no freakin’ clue, so I decided to find out! The scene switches to Mina holding a letter, garbed in a blue ninja babe outfit. Mina: The day she disappeared, I found a letter in her room addressed to me. It said, “Mina, I am on my way to a poker game that will more than likely degenerate into drunken ninja battle, as per usual. If it is destiny’s will that I not return, you are to take the Wasabi Family Sword: The Cheesecutter, and go to America and see the archeologist, Salina Smith. Mina, always be brave and please, please, please for the love of God don’t do something cliché like pose dramatically and say “I will have my revenge!”. Seriously. Love, mom.” The scene pans to Mina doing a dramatic pose. Mina: Those bastards! Forgive me mother but… I will have my revenge! |
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Come visit me and my thought processes at my website: http://www.publishedauthors.net/tdotdw/news.html "In the cold light, justice and morality always look corny and you can't wave the flag and look cool. But like it or not, society needs its heroes." - John Hart; actor who played The Lone Ranger. | |
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| Jeff | Sep 30 2009, 08:18 PM Post #2 |
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Lord of Pie & BBWs
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-Level 1- Streets of New York! This level is pretty simple as most of the enemies are humans you can whack and take out in just one swipe. You’ll learn to wall-jump here which, unlike other certain Jeffcom licenses, you must leap between two close walls to scale them properly. Otherwise you’ll be fruitlessly jumping in place. You’ll also collect sake bottles which add to your “Drunken Fist” number, which you can use to do the “Ninja Arts” you collect including shurikens, the spin-jump and flame breath. You end the level when you enter a bar and beat up the fat guy inside. Cue the next scene! The scene opens with Mina in the bar. The screen gradually scrolls over to unveil a shotarou boy standing in the background. Mina: Who were all those random people supposed to be? I’d just as soon assume they were stalking me, but seeing as I have DD’s and live in Japan that was just what typically happened a lot and—Excuse me, WTF are you doin’? Cut to the boy. Boy: Nothin’, lol. He pulls a gun. Mina: Oh, poopy! Cut to a shocked Mina’s face, then a gunshot and the scene blacks out. She wakes up to the view of a prison-like door. Mina: Damn it, damn it, damn it! Now I understand the expression about bringing a sword to a gunfight! A figure appears at the door. Boy: Ahh, you’re waking up. Guess the anesthetic as has run its course. Cut to Mina. Mina: Where am I?! Who are you?! DOES MINA HAVE TO CHOKE A BITCH?! The boy opens the door and walks inside. Boy: Shh. Don’t make so much noise! I got a favor to ask! Mina: Are you for real? You just SHOT me, drugged me and did God-only-knows-what to me and you want me to— Cut to a picture of a really bizarre statue of what looks like a gremlin. Boy: Take this and escape. Mina: … I don’t want it. Cut to a close-up of the boy. Boy: It’s worth a lot of money. Mina: Yoink! Boy: There’s no time to explain! Someone’s coming! Mina: You tried to kill me! Boy: Get out of here! Quick! Fade to black. |
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Come visit me and my thought processes at my website: http://www.publishedauthors.net/tdotdw/news.html "In the cold light, justice and morality always look corny and you can't wave the flag and look cool. But like it or not, society needs its heroes." - John Hart; actor who played The Lone Ranger. | |
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| Jeff | Sep 30 2009, 08:19 PM Post #3 |
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Lord of Pie & BBWs
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-Level 2- Escape from the Facility! This level is pretty simple, but a lot more vertical. More enemies here have guns, but you can destroy their bullets by hitting them with your sword. Just make your way up and kill the warden and consider yourself home-free! The scene opens with Mina running, with surprising attention to detail on her anatomy if you catch my drift. Mina: This is making less and less sense! Who was that kinda-hawt shota boy, anyways?! I better find Salina Smith soon or they’re gonna start telling me about “goddess statues” or “meteors” or other shit… |
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Come visit me and my thought processes at my website: http://www.publishedauthors.net/tdotdw/news.html "In the cold light, justice and morality always look corny and you can't wave the flag and look cool. But like it or not, society needs its heroes." - John Hart; actor who played The Lone Ranger. | |
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| Jeff | Sep 30 2009, 08:19 PM Post #4 |
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Lord of Pie & BBWs
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-Level 3- The Rooftops! This level is ANNOYING AS HELL. You will fall here. A lot. And die. A lot. Especially as the enemies here spawn in REALLY precarious positions, putting you on the dying end of the DIE A LOT stick… I don’t care if that made no sense, this level FILLS ME WITH RAGE! The boss here is some douche who throws boomerangs in a really annoying pattern. Cut to a woman in a pith helmet. Woman: Who--?! Cut to Mina. Mina: Ah. You must be Salina Smith. I’m Mina. Mina Wasabi. Cut to a shot of the both of them. Salina: Ah! That sword… I see. You must be Hina Wasabi’s daughter. Mina: In my mother’s last letter, she said I should come to you. Though exactly for what, she didn’t say. I think she was drunk again. She was slightly more useless than usual… Salina: Last letter? So, it’s already started… Mina: Please, a little less FOREBODE and a little more FORESHADOW, please. Salina: Okay. Hina and I were on an expedition in some old Amazon ruins. There… well, I got transported back in time… but that’s not important right now. We also found a stone tablet and a statue. Mina: This statue? Salina: Precisely. According to the tablet, this statue contains enough dark energy to level a continent. A powerful demon came to Earth and the ancient warrior, HIRO T. PROTAGONIST, appeared and stopped the demon, using the very sword you now possess. Cut to a shot of the ornate sword. Mina: Whoa. An Amazing Quest reference? Really? Salina: HIRO utilized the power of the various puddings – each flavor a perfect counter to the demon’s plethora of magic spells. Thus, he was able to overcome it. Cut back to the ladies. Salina: HIRO was able to defeat Holstein but he could not kill her. So he helped forge a seal with six talismans. Later, his descendant, GUY, finished Holstein for good. However, the daughter of Holstein, Lucidah, could not be killed, due to contractual obligations. Instead, GUY’s descendant, KIDD, helped seal Lucidah using the statues of Light and Darkness. Hence… Cut to an image of the two statues. Salina: … the body of Lucidah is trapped at the temple. I’m pretty sure this is the Statue of Darkness. A green figure runs by and nabs the dark statue. Green Guy: YOINK! Salina: ! Mina! After him! Mina: MINA IS GONNA HAVE TO CHOKE A BITCH!!! |
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Come visit me and my thought processes at my website: http://www.publishedauthors.net/tdotdw/news.html "In the cold light, justice and morality always look corny and you can't wave the flag and look cool. But like it or not, society needs its heroes." - John Hart; actor who played The Lone Ranger. | |
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| Jeff | Sep 30 2009, 08:19 PM Post #5 |
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Lord of Pie & BBWs
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-Level 4- Obligatory Sewer Level! The enemies here are bitchy as hell. They love surprise tactics and leap out from tunnels in the background and the water from the foreground in addition to the ones who are simply in your way. At least there’s no insta-death pits here. Be thankful for that much. The boss here is a green ninja who just leaps around and spams his SHARKAN SHOOTER. You can best him if you just take your time and pace yourself. After getting the statue back, Mina is seen running. Mina: I gotta get back! I have a bad feeling about this! Mina arrives, seeing Salina in a massive puddle of blood. Mina: HOLY GOD! SALINA! SALINA! Salina: Keep your voice down. I’m fine. I’ve killed raptors with my bare hands. If you think this paper-cut will kill me, you got another thing coming. The bad news is that the statue of light was stolen. Cut to both women. Mina: Light--? Salina: Your mother kept one statue and I kept the other. We lived so far apart we figured that this method would prevent the statues from ever being reunited. Lucidah has been asleep for over 2000 years now. Needless to say when she wakes up she is going to be very cranky. In order to stop it, you’ll have to ascend unto a Ninja Dragon. Mina: Is that anything like the Ninja-Turtle Dragons? Salina: No. Mina: Aww. Three men with guns come in the room. Man: You’re coming with us. Mina: Aww, man. Salina: Go with them. I’ll stay here and rest up. Mina: Do you want a towel or something? Salina: I’m fine, I’m fine. The scene cuts to a dimly-lit room, a man identified as Hamm stands there. As he and Mina speak, the scene cuts between them. I’m only saying this once. Hamm: Welcome, Mina Wasabi. Sorry if I startled you. Mina: You had armed thugs jump me at gunpoint. I think that might just be a little beyond the pail of “startling”. Hamm: We’re from the CIA Special Auxiliary Unit. My name’s Hamm. Mina: I know. I read your name tag in the dialog box. Hamm: Oh. Let’s get right to the point— Mina: Tell me why you killed Smith! Hamm: … She was still alive. Mina: Tell me why you mortally wounded Smith! Hamm: … Mina: Okay, fine. Tell me why you guys are such douchebags. Hamm: She’s gonna be fine. Even if she weren’t such a badass, we had no intention of killing her. Anyways… Cut to a map of South America. Hamm: Ruins built around 2000 years ago were discovered by Dr. Smith and her associate. Your mother. They studied the ruins for a long time before closing them off, citing them as potentially dangerous. No one has officially gone anywhere near them since then. Mina: Question. Hamm: What? Mina: What were the national governments near these sights doing? Hamm: … I do not understand the question. Mina: These had to have been a big deal, right? So the governments… Hamm: Japan, America and the Moon aren’t the only countries with governments?! Mina: *Sigh* Never mind. Cut to a figure in orange. Hamm: And this is Jaunita du Ché. She goes by Guano now. But let’s not worry about her and instead I’ll mention that our records indicate that the temple was not a place to worship gods, but to seal the demon, Lucidah. Therefore, the statue you have must be filled with evil spirits! Smith knew this and was probably attacked by Guano’s men. Mina: And the Central Intelligence Agency is taking something like this seriously? Hamm: Completely. Mina: … Okay. If you say so. Hamm: The legend states: “When the black moon shines, light and darkness break apart, and the pudding is no more: the Queen of Darkness howls.” These are the last words on the tablet. If someone gets control of Lucidah, they’d have the power to control the world AND the moon! Mina: I reiterate my incredulity about this. Hamm: Shota, the boy who shot you at the bar, was one of our agents. Mina: SON OF A BITCH! YOU BASTARDS! I’LL KILL YOU! I’LL KILL YOU ALL!!! Hamm: Did I mention we’re paying you for your services? Mina: … Well, fuck me sideways. What do you need me to do? Hamm: We’re going to airdrop you off there. Get the demon statue back and prevent Lucidah’s resurrection! Mina: And if I say no? Hamm: Have you seen a prompt any point during this game? Mina: … *Mumbles* A scene of Mina leaping from a helicopter and parachuting to the ground is shown. |
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Come visit me and my thought processes at my website: http://www.publishedauthors.net/tdotdw/news.html "In the cold light, justice and morality always look corny and you can't wave the flag and look cool. But like it or not, society needs its heroes." - John Hart; actor who played The Lone Ranger. | |
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| Jeff | Sep 30 2009, 08:19 PM Post #6 |
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Lord of Pie & BBWs
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-Level 5- Scaling the Cliffs! This level is pretty much a straight climb. Have fun with that when the infamous Ninja Babe Gaiden birds come out to play. The boss here is a twin set of gargoyles who enjoy fucking your shit up good. I hope you got that spin-slash attack along the way! You get a brief cut of Mina, atop a hill, seeing the temple in the distance. Mina: Oh, son of a bitch! They dropped me off on the WRONG plateau! This is gonna be a long walk. |
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Come visit me and my thought processes at my website: http://www.publishedauthors.net/tdotdw/news.html "In the cold light, justice and morality always look corny and you can't wave the flag and look cool. But like it or not, society needs its heroes." - John Hart; actor who played The Lone Ranger. | |
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| Jeff | Sep 30 2009, 08:20 PM Post #7 |
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Lord of Pie & BBWs
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-Level 6- Through the jungle; Into the gate! You get a fun, relaxing stroll through the jungle! And by “fun & relaxing” I mean “incredibly painful”! The enemies here have all gone batshit insane and you get to be on the receiving end of it. Also, if you fall in the water, get out fast or risk getting IK’d by a crocodile. The boss here is a giant venus flytrap declaring, “I’ll suck all your blood! Or something like that!” At the very end, you’ll enter the castle. Scene opens with a wide shot of Mina and Guano. Guano: Give me the statue. Mina: No! Guano: Do you know what you’re saying? Mina: Yes I do. I said “No!” Guano: No. What I meant was, look over here and reconsider your choice. Mina: Oh. Guano: Yes. Mina: So I shall. Guano: Thank you. The scene cuts to a monster holding a sword at Shota’s neck. Shota: Mina! Mina: You bastard! How dare you assault harmless NPCs! Shota: Whatever you do, don’t give it to her! Mina: Suit yourself. The scene cuts back to the shot of Mina and Guano. Guano: If you don’t want see a rather graphic reenactment of being drawn and quartered, I recommend you just leave the statue there on the ground and back off. Mina: Fine, fine. The scene of Mina kneeling, placing the statue down is shown. Guano: I learned this trick by watching Excel Saga. Guano taps her foot and a trapdoor opens below Mina, dropping her. Mina: HOLY SHI— Guano: Now, take that boy to the alter! He’ll be the sacrifice! After 2000 years, Lucidah shall be mine to control! |
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Come visit me and my thought processes at my website: http://www.publishedauthors.net/tdotdw/news.html "In the cold light, justice and morality always look corny and you can't wave the flag and look cool. But like it or not, society needs its heroes." - John Hart; actor who played The Lone Ranger. | |
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| Jeff | Sep 30 2009, 08:20 PM Post #8 |
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Lord of Pie & BBWs
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-Level 7- Scale the tower! Another vertical level! Because the first one wasn’t bad enough. Thankfully, the horizontal parts are much bigger here and allow for a bit more forgiving platforming, but the monsters here are much tougher, so be prepared for a fight. When you get to the boss room, for once, it triggers a cutscene! A scene of a woman in orange and Mina is shown. Woman: I am Pikkusi. You will never get past me. Mina: Whatevs, little woman. Pikkusi: You’re as confident as your mother. However, she was a better swordswoman! Mina: You?! YOU KILLED MY MOTHER?! Pikkusi: I did not kill her. Mina: YOU LIE! Pikkusi: If you’re that certain, come and fight me, little Wasabi. Mina: I’m gonna start beating you now… I don’t know when I’ll stop. Boss time! Pikkusi looks like a palette swap of our heroine, but hits harder and is way bitchier in that she can use the ninja powers at will. Your best bet is to either spam shurikens or just stay on top of her and never let up. Good luck. Pikkusi: *Cough* Impressive, Mina. Mina: Why did you kill my mother? Pikkusi: As I said, I did no such thing. She’s very much alive. Mina: ?! Pikkusi: If you want to see her, just head inside from here. But it’ll be the last thing you ever see! A scene of Mina rushing inside is shown as the scene ends. |
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Come visit me and my thought processes at my website: http://www.publishedauthors.net/tdotdw/news.html "In the cold light, justice and morality always look corny and you can't wave the flag and look cool. But like it or not, society needs its heroes." - John Hart; actor who played The Lone Ranger. | |
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| Jeff | Sep 30 2009, 08:20 PM Post #9 |
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Lord of Pie & BBWs
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-Level 8- Clear the temple! This level is the bitchiest by far. The traps are ruthless, the enemies are set up to be as annoying as humanly possible and the platforming is pretty much one death trap after the next. Also, some enemies spawn in weird places in attempts to hit you while wall jumping, so be careful. Clear the stage and get the next scene. A scene of Mina standing in the dark is shown. Guano: You deserve praise for making it this far! Mina: I’m getting seriously tired of this shit. Show yourself! Guano: There’s no need to! A white mask appears on a vaguely woman-shaped body. Guano: For you cannot defeat the “Masked Demon”! Mina: There’s nothing I can’t beat! Guano: Oh? Even… your own mother?! Mina: EXCLAMATION POINT! A sepia tone flashback of the intro is shown. Guano: Your mother was not killed, but turned into the Masked Demon! This should prove amusing! Mina: Mommy! Mommy, wake up! You have to fight it! Guano: LAWLZ! No. Mina: That look in her eyes… It cuts back to the Masked Demon. Mina: It looks like she’s being manipulated, like a puppet. So… if I cut the strings?! Boss time! This one is simple, in theory and difficult in its execution. Hina will assault you but you can’t hurt her. Instead, you have to climb up and strike the orb that’s glowing in the center of the room. Basically, kill it before she kills you and you got it. If you came in with the spin-attack, this mission is insultingly simple. The next scene opens with Mina and Hina being reunited. Mina: Mommy! You’re okay! Hina: Wh-where was I? Mina? Is that you, Mina? Mina: Yes! It’s okay now! Hina: So, you didn’t do any “I shall have my revenge” schtick, did you? Mina: Err… no. Of course not. Hina: --?! Watch out! The scene cuts to an attacking Guano. Guano: You both shall DIE! I AM TOTALLY NOT RIPPING OFF BOBBOB PART 1, WHAT WITH THE MASK AND THIS!!! Guano fires a orb-like blast at Mina, however, Hina intercepts it for her. Hina: Look out! UNGH! Mina: MOTHER! The next scene is of Mina holding Hina. Hina: O-okay… now you can do the “I shall have my revenge” thing. Mina: Mother! I… shall have my REVENGE!!! It shows Mina lunging at Guano, sword in hand. Mina: GUANO! YOU DIE!!! Boss time! Guano is a bitch. Primarily in that she teleports and spams really annoying attacks, but each has a unique sound cue, so if you learn them, dodging should be really simple. Leap and slash away to victory and try not to die. You don’t want to know what the last check point was. The next scene opens with Mina rescuing Shota. Shota: Mina! Mina: Ah! Thank goodness. You’re okay. Shota: So, you do care! Mina: Something like that. Plus, you’re my slave now. Shota: Wh-what? That’s a joke, right? Hina: Mina! Mina: Mother! You’re okay?! Hina: Yeah. Apparently that shot did a lot less damage than I figured it would. Mina: … Hina: Sorry. Mina: Let’s get outta here! Hina: We can’t! We gotta get the demon statues before whatever the “black moon” is happens! Cut to outside the castle as clouds cover the moon. Mina: Oh, shitkicker. Hina: A lunar eclipse. I should’ve known. Mina: We’re fucked? Hina: Yeah. Yeah, we’re fucked. Cut to a scene of the ground shaking as the two statues merge together, then a blinding light, unleashing the familiar form of Lucidah. Lucidah: WHAT TIME IS THAT TIME?! Mina: Oh hell… Final boss time! Lucidah is big, powerful and… umm… nude. Which is a plus, I guess. Her head’s the only weak point and it’s only vulnerable during a set portion of her attack pattern. She’s dangerous so stay on your toes at all times. You can destroy the flame-like projectiles to gather more sake for your ninja arts (which spawn in randomly) but the only useful one is the jump-slash. Avoid the blue rings at all cost, they will freeze you and then bad things will happen to you. Like dying. |
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Come visit me and my thought processes at my website: http://www.publishedauthors.net/tdotdw/news.html "In the cold light, justice and morality always look corny and you can't wave the flag and look cool. But like it or not, society needs its heroes." - John Hart; actor who played The Lone Ranger. | |
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| Jeff | Sep 30 2009, 08:21 PM Post #10 |
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Lord of Pie & BBWs
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After, we get an image of Lucidah disintegrating. Lucidah: NO! That was the Yuusha Sword?! DAMN YOU!!! B-but that’s fine. Until there’s an Amazing Quest 6, I shall RETURN INDEFINITELY! Mina: But there are no plans to ever MAKE an AQ6! Lucidah: Kee kee kee kee keeeeee! Mina: Aww, man! The scene cuts to Mina, Hina and Shota as the building begins crumbling. Hina suddenly begins bleeding profusely. Hina: ARGH! Wh-what?! When did this happen?! Mina: Mother?! Hina: Y-you… have to go! Take the boy! The temple is breaking apart! Mina: How can you say that?! Hina: Gale Glory Syndrome. You’re a woman now, Mina. Good luck in your life. Mina: Mama! The scene fades to black and then re-opens atop a nearby hill with Mina and Shota overlooking the collapsing ruins. Shota: Mina… A beeping noise emits, and Shota speaks into a headpiece. Shota: ‘lo. Cunning Linguist here. What?! Kill Mina Wasabi?! Steal the demon statues?! The scene then shows Mina unmasked, revealing she is, in fact, a babe. Mina: So, that was the plan all along, huh? Well, Hamm, I got news for YOU! I’m still getting my payments. One I’ve received in full. The other… is YOU, Hamm! Shota: Umm… he screamed like a little bitch and hung up. Mina: Figures. Shota: But what do you mean you got your first payment in full? Mina shoots Shota a wicked grin. Shota: Uhh… Mina: I told you, you’re my slave now. Shota: I… I’m nervous! Mina: Don’t be. Now come here, Shota Row. Shota: H-how did you know my name?! Mina: I’m a ninja. I can do lots of neat things. Like this… Shota: I NEED AN ADULT! I NEED AN ADULT!!! The silhouettes of implied rape ensue whilst the sun sets. THE END. |
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Come visit me and my thought processes at my website: http://www.publishedauthors.net/tdotdw/news.html "In the cold light, justice and morality always look corny and you can't wave the flag and look cool. But like it or not, society needs its heroes." - John Hart; actor who played The Lone Ranger. | |
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