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| Let's Play EVO: Search for Eden | |
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| Topic Started: Apr 21 2009, 05:14 PM (372 Views) | |
| Jeff | Apr 21 2009, 05:14 PM Post #1 |
Lord of Pie & BBWs
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 Oh, yeah, that's a promising start.  Okay, first off, where are you pulling that number from? The game's RNG? Second, the sun is not sentient and had little if anything to do with the initial formation of the Milky Way Galaxy. Okay, okay, okay; in the interest of fairness and not using it as a crutch - this game takes cosmology, biology and pretty much every science there is and kicks it to the curb for giggles. Don't take ANYTHING herein seriously, because I sure as hell am not.   The Sun is... talking. Hm. Curious.  Wait, what?   What?   Okay. A trial. I guess that's fine. I'm just wondering why he had to stop the revolution of Terra Firma in order to tell it this... also, the sun's still talking.  You mean that thing that the continuation of the human species directly contradicts? Okay, whatever, you the boss here, Sol Badguy.   So, Gaia is a Christian-Pagan... umm... planet.  Yay! She's blue now! I'm assuming that's a good thing.  Ho boy. We're off to a great start. According to what just transpired here, if I beat the game, I get to marry Earth. I dare say that's worse than Root having to marry a tree.   AGH!!! O-oh, you're Gaia? I thought the planet... I mean... that is to say... ... Whelp, in that case it makes sense a planet looks like that. After all she has a HEAVENLY BODY! D'ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaa! Oh, somebody please shoot me.   Oh, cool, so it's like Chrono Trigger?   Oh. You meant the hard way through time. Can't we just elope? I'm sure the sun is too busy making hydrogen into helium to bother noticing!   My prize for winning is a hot babe? Boy, does Enix know it's target demographic.   Gee, thanks for all the help you're throwing on me. No, please, don't put yourself on the line for my sake or anything. And, again, where are you getting these numbers?  *Sigh*. Okay! So, I'm a fish, it seems. At this point, I should probably give him a name as to differentiate who's speaking. Since I'm Jeff and my creature begins his quest as a fish - he shall be... the JEFFISH!   Our little hero begins at a map screen. You can't move currently but that's fine - since you start hovering over the first level, so just tap "B" and let's dive on it. No pun intended. Let's see what Gaia, the almighty spirit of the Earth, gave me to work with.  Oh, son of a bitch. I get nothin'! Gee, thanks, "almighty spirit of the Earth" my fishy non-existent ass.  And now, the jellyfish is talking to me. Oh well, maybe he'll help me out!   Jeffish: I'm the Jeffish, not "newcomer".  Jeffish: Dude, I'm the equivalent of a goldfish, you really expect me to remember three rules?   Jeffish: Okay, okay. So far, so good.  Jeffish: How do I do that? Jellyfish: Don't ask me. I'm like 90% water!  Jeffish: Well, since the only creatures I've met thus far are a naked lady and you, I'm gonna go with "No". Jellyfish: Hey, newcomer, how about you come over here and let me give you a hug, eh? For luck? Jeffish: Well, I don't see what that could hurt.  Jeffish: BARF!!! Yes, casual contact with enemies like this will do minimal damage, but damage nonetheless. They also have a stinging attack that does 2 damage. Jeffish: Oh, that's it!  Currently, our only method of defense is to bite with out weakling jaws, but you gotta work with what we got.  Killing an enemy yields their meat - which you can then proceed to chow down on. Needless to say, this is a good thing. The top (white) number you get is the amount of "EVO Points" you get from it, while the bottom (red) number is how much health you get back for eating it. If an emergency breaks out, you can eat the plants that line the ocean floor here and heal a little (though they yield no points). Currently, we can swim in 8 directions and tapping twice on the control pad makes our critter dash in one of the 4 cardinal directions, bite, swallow food that's in front of your face (quite useless, all things considered) and call up a menu. Jeffish: I can jump! See?  Wasn't this how Echo the Dolphin started? Oh, never mind. After chowing down on some jelly, it's about time to upgrade a little.  The menu yields three options. Evolution - Power up Capability - Your stat sheet (I'll show you mine when it doesn't suck quite so much) Record - Allows you to save the creature's form you're currently in for... well, it's complicated. We'll touch upon it when we get to that point. Going to evolve you get this:  The blacked out ones are elements I can't mess with yet due to being a fish currently. Jaws and horns are weapons, the rest control HP/speed ratios and jumping, sans neck which I tend to view as a preference thing. There's a lot of options without getting into the obtuse. Right now, I need some weapons.  Also, the game tends to use scientific terms. As much as I'd love to slap 800 points down and wreck havoc, the jellyfish only cough up +10 points per kill, so I did a little light grinding to get the kuraselache (Shark) jaws.   Mysterious timestream nothing! We evolve just like they did in Tengen Toppa Gurren-Lagann. SHEER FORCE OF WILL!!!  Oh yeah. That's a bit more like it! Jeffish: I am Jeffish the jellyfish destroyer! Once you hit the right side of the screen (the standards for almost all the levels in the game... almost) the level is considered clear.  We can then opt to move on, or grind in the previous level some more. Also, if you enter a level you've already beaten, tapping the "R" button will allow you to leave at will. That's it for now! Join us next time for some eating, evolving and eradication! See you then! |
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Come visit me and my thought processes at my website: http://www.publishedauthors.net/tdotdw/news.html "In the cold light, justice and morality always look corny and you can't wave the flag and look cool. But like it or not, society needs its heroes." - John Hart; actor who played The Lone Ranger. | |
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| Sean | Apr 21 2009, 06:34 PM Post #2 |
The ⑥of Four Against Nature
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Isn't this game like a grind-fest? ...if so, no wonder you're LPing it. |
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| Rem | Apr 21 2009, 10:47 PM Post #3 |
Why yes, I do like snickerdoodles.
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...This is like, a dumbed down version of SPORE, which is a hard feat. Only weirder. |
 Have you ever wondered what color air is? | |
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| Dietaku | Apr 22 2009, 11:28 AM Post #4 |
Grade A /B/tard
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Nah, SPORE WISHES it could be like this game. And, yes, it IS a grind-fest. The only issue I have with it is that if you're maxed out in one form, you lose ALL benefits when you evolve into your next form. Thus, if you're a super-strong thirty foot long shark which feeds on OTHER sharks, you STILL get turned into a weak-ass frog in the amphibian area. Which sucks, as IRL, super apex predators do NOT become toadies to other species that easily. And I dunno, Jeff, I see this game as more a nod to Getter Robo, what with the hyper-evolved Dinosaurs and Wacky hijinks that can ensuie with certain evolution combinations. |
| "SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE!!" | |
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| Root | Apr 22 2009, 02:16 PM Post #5 |
The Speaker for the Dead
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Jeff is a fish. A fishy fish. This seems ... almost pointless but I'm interested to see what's next. |
Does being the only sane one make me the insane one, in a sort of way? Though my eyes could see, I was still a blind man; Though my mind could think, I still was a madman... "Yes there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run...there's still time to change the road you're on" | |
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| Jeff | Apr 22 2009, 10:08 PM Post #6 |
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Lord of Pie & BBWs
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When he last left our post-primordial protagonist, he had just come to grips with his role in life. Which was, in short: Eat. Evolve. Get the girl. Good stuff.   Jeffish: I hope the guidance doesn't come from jellyfish. I've had enough of their sass! No, thankfully, but there is a cave to explore. Check it out.  Inside are eel-like creatures. The only threat they pose is running into you a lot for ~3-6 damage depending.  Deeper inside we find... umm... chatty sea cucumbers. Wow, did I really just type that out and mean it?     Huh? It's like old geezers yelling at each other and neither one can hear the other. Old Man 1: Y'got the time? Old Man 2: I ain't got no dime! Old Man 3: We can't return here if we pass the third volcano in the sea! Okay, there was only two people speaking, but you get my point.  Jeffish: I don't like people who spread rumors! Om nom nom! Eh... that works too. Jeffish: I'm-a eat that shiny thing too! Huh? Oh. That? Sure, knock yourself out, retard.  Jeffish: I'm startin' to think this might not have been a good idea. Naw, really?   Cute. Real cute. You didn't even capitalize your name, dip.  ... part. Also, don't cross the time streams! Okay, okay. Enough of that. It also goes on about how evolving certain parts effects you, but we've already covered that. Time to manipulate genetics/time space some more!   Remember kids, eat your jellyfish and eel every day and you too will grow scales spontaneously! I wanted to go all-out and get shell armor, but I'll take what I can get for now. Eels are only +15 a pop, so there's better grinding to be had here.   Temptation? What on Earth could be a temptation this early on?  Okay, maybe that, but what are the odds of encountering that underwater, I mean, really?  What we DO find are these... green... things. I dunno. Bite one and--  Get two! Each one can be dispersed with pretty weak attacks and nets +20 EVO Points, making this the last minimalistic grinding spot before you have to fight for what you earn. Further into the cave~   Why does that sound like some kind of Saturday morning drug PSA?   Oh boy. This is one of the unique creatures in the game. Unique in that you cannot evolve into it without the red crystal. This form is surprisingly awesome - so be sure to make a record of it first thing.  Not feeling terribly creative, I go for the wussy's way out of naming. I'll do better from here on out, I promise. It has obscene health and a moderately powerful bite. It's a pity I can't become this form at will. *Sigh*.  Given enough time, you revert back. You maintain this particular form for something like 30-45 seconds. Seriously. I'll time the next red crystal morph I get.  However, I forgot to mention, there are the occasional green food items. These give a much higher EVO Point amount for the food eaten and I got lucky a few times and got the strongest jaws for a fish! Hellz yeah! Unfortunately, I find this form underwhelming. Let's step it up a little.  Shell armor!  Bigger body! Awright! I look kind of like a turtle this way... Jeffish: Yeah. And I'm as slow as one too. Help me out, man! Okay, okay. But only a few more changes. We gotta get going eventually. This is level 2 of the game!  Coela fins! Jeffish: This isn't helping much. I dunno why not. The coela have existed for a long time in a rather stagnant state and been just fine. Jeffish: I'M NOT A COELA FISH!!! Just suck it up. We'll upgrade in a level or two.    Jeffish: I see food! Yeah, but you're too slow to catch them. They laugh at you and run away. Jeffish: Who's fault is that? I recommend you play nice or I might be ordering out for sushi.  Both ends are blocked off by bubbles. This is mostly a game of tag, or in Jeffish's case, a game of patience. Eventually~   Now, run for it. To the right, that is.  Jeffish: THE ROCKS! THEY HIT ME MULTIPLE TIMES! I'M TOO BIG AND SLOW!!! And this is why humans aren't allowed to play God. Happy now, Michael Crichton?!   Bruised, battered, but never defeated (since he hasn't evolved feet yet), our intrepid hero swims on to the second volcanic area. This area brings forth lots of new dangers.  The first is... THIS... big... gray guy. I dunno. He bites surprisingly hard, but he only has like 5 HP and gives good EVO Points for his defeat. Other enemies of note are the trilobites who roll up and smash into you repeatedly. They're not so much a threat as an annoyance, but they're BIG annoyances for being such little guys.  On the far right side of the cave on Floor 1 is a blue crystal.  Blue crystals, unlike the tip-giving yellow crystals or the form-changing red ones, give you 500 EVO Points. Upgrade time!  Well, it's not color-coordinated but it does help a lot! Jeffish: Thank goodness! Let's go back and gobble up some fish and do one last adjustment on your tail...  Jeffish: Something changed? Yeah. See, it's more rounded now? Plus, more HP and speed. You're a pretty well-made terror of the deep now.  Time to record you too~ Jeffish: HEY! You recorded the ray form before this one?! What the crap? I wanted to give you a more fleshed-out form first. Suck it up and deal.  Jeffish: OH GOD! ANOTHER VOLCANO RUN! Don't worry. You're way faster now. Just hurry out the right. We're almost there!  Hm. The third volcano. I seem to remember someone talking about that previously... but I can't remember the details so we're going to CHARGE STRAIGHT AHEAD!!! Jeffish: H-hey! Wait a 'tic! Don't we wanna evolve more first? Hm? *Sigh*. You got the best jaws and armor EVO Points can buy. The only thing I can do now is evolve your fins and tail more to make you faster/more HP get. Plus I think you're more distinct this way, rather than just maxing out your abilities to their highest. We'll gain EVO Points as we go and I'll give you a horn before too much longer. Tips for this section: never evolve the swordfish horn, it makes your jaws useless. Also, horns break after enough uses - though this is a double-edged sword. Every time you evolve ANYTHING, your HP gets filled up, so evolving horns is an excellent strategy for survival in the next area. Join us next time as we enter the den of sharks! Jeffish: Wait, WHAT?! See you then! |
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Come visit me and my thought processes at my website: http://www.publishedauthors.net/tdotdw/news.html "In the cold light, justice and morality always look corny and you can't wave the flag and look cool. But like it or not, society needs its heroes." - John Hart; actor who played The Lone Ranger. | |
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| Dietaku | Apr 23 2009, 10:09 AM Post #7 |
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Grade A /B/tard
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Ah, yes, the Den of Sharks. Its okay ,Jeff-fish! I'm rooting for you! |
| "SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE!!" | |
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| Jeff | Apr 23 2009, 11:16 AM Post #8 |
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Lord of Pie & BBWs
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 Onto the third volcano! There's not really much here, sans the path we need to take. If you don't feel prepared, turn back now. Jeffish: I'm ready!  Oh, hey! Look! Piranhas! Jeffish: PIRANHAS?! Don't worry, they're dispatched in a hit or two. This level is pretty freaking short. Head right and into the copy-pasta cave.  At this point, you're deadlocked and you cannot go back. Oh, hey, that's what the warning was! Jeffish:   Cave of Origin? Origin of what? Did they reverse the names of this and level 1? There's nothing of note here.  This cave sure looks familiar. Wonder why... Freakin' Enix...  Inside you meet more of the bouncing trilobites from Hell. Towards the end of the cave, you get another little tip-off.  Jeffish: I think I ate the seaweed he was trying to talk to...     ... What? Seriously? These... "strolite" things, whatever the hell they might be, are making oxygen and the sharks don't like it? ... SHARKS. BREATHE. OXYGEN. In fact they even sleep at the surface of the water! If there's no oxygen at the surface they'd all DIE!!!  What did you do that for? Jeffish: So he wasn't lonely anymore!   Hey! Look! Sharks! Jeffish: Oh God... Not in this game, unfortunately for you. Sharks are nasty. Even with the best scales/body type available, their bites do 3 damage and can hit you repeatedly. One came close to killing me simply because I could not pull far enough away to counterattack. Your best bet is to hit hard and fast and not let them get the first move.  Oh no, not again.    By the way, I did a Google search, Wikipedia search and Dictionary.com reference and not one of them could tell me what the hell a "Strolite" was. If anyone out there knows, you win mad propz.  ... cave will hear you! Pish-posh. I ain't afraid of no shark! Jeffish: But I am!!!  Head into the cave and prepare yourself for the showdown!   King of the Sea?  ...  Jeffish: No, sir! Oh, grow a spine!   Jeffish: but I didn't even get the chance to say anything! Too late now, here he comes!  Welcome to the first boss fight of EVO. Lacking a proper name, I'll name him the Shark King. He's fast and big, but if you time your bites just right you can essentially lock him down. However, a single hit with the best defense STILL does 13 damage, which is a lot. Evolve as need be - especially if you were smart and stocked up mad EVO Points before coming here, which at this point is probably a small task.  Heeeeeey Dan, check it out! My fish is horny. Get it? Evolving horns is also a good way to go about it. When you dash into an enemy with your horn, they take damage for it - in the neighborhood of about 10 damage a hit. I cheaped out on this one but still landed ~30 damage with it before it inevitably broke.  Jeffish: IIIIII HAAAAVE TEH POWAAAAAAAH!!! A few bites afterwards and the Shark King bit in the big one.  Feeding time! Now, leave the cave.   Sweet! Time to hit the beach, Jeffish! Go above the cave and to the right.  Hm. Looks like as good a spot as any. I guess we can just plop up here on the shore anywhere we'd like.   I'm pretty sure that's not how it works, but what the hell?   Actually it was more like 20 minutes, but, go on.     Ah! Sweet! Upgrade time! What, do I get to become like a BattleToad or something?!   ... W-wha?  What the...  Oh God...  This has to be a joke... it can't be real...  What... the... hell... is... THIS?! Gaia: Your new form! An amphibian! Jeff: No, hold the phone, sister. How does a top-tier predator terror of the freakin' deep get turned into... whatever THAT thing is supposed to be! Gaia: Well, if I let you have all the advantages, it wouldn't be fair to the other creatures. Besides, this body is much more suited to the environment. Jeff: No. No, no, no. THAT body is suited for a landfill. I'd have been better off as a fish with tiny legs and evolving them as I move on. Gaia: I also reset your EVO Points. Jeff: WHAT?! Gaia: Have fun! Jeff: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUU-- ... *Ahem* Join me and the... err... Jeffrog next time as he humiliate ourselves some more. I need to lie down. |
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Come visit me and my thought processes at my website: http://www.publishedauthors.net/tdotdw/news.html "In the cold light, justice and morality always look corny and you can't wave the flag and look cool. But like it or not, society needs its heroes." - John Hart; actor who played The Lone Ranger. | |
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| Dietaku | Apr 23 2009, 11:29 AM Post #9 |
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Grade A /B/tard
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Jeffrog...LOLZ Also, a cursory wikipedia search of extinct fauna came up with two possibilities for Strolite. One is that the thing they seem to be refering to is a helix-shelled ammonite. The "strolite" name, though, seems to come from strophimeda, an extinct class of giant clams. Does that help? |
| "SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANE!!" | |
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| Sean | Apr 23 2009, 03:41 PM Post #10 |
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The ⑥of Four Against Nature
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Ah, I'm sure you'll learn to loathe the changing of forms. Is there a human state at any point in this game? |
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4:30 AM Nov 30
