Viewing Single Post From: Jeff's Bad Movie Commentary!

Viewing Single Post From: Jeff's Bad Movie Commentary!
Jeff	Jul 10 2008, 07:21 PM
Lord of Pie & BBWs Posts: 1,386 Group: Four Against Nature Member #3 Joined: Jul 6, 2008 Quote You are but the strongest KNIGHT! You should be able to ROCK ME!	Okay! Welcome, everyone, to FAN's first episode of Jeff's Bad Movie Commentary. Continuing in the spirit of the now-defunct Gaming Overkill's topic of the same name - I, Jeff, other unfortunate victi--err--assistants, watch and comment on terrible movies for the luls! Why? Because... I enjoy pain, apparently. Tonight's Movie: PumaMan SuperNovaStation: hi BlackDjeffgo: j0 SuperNovaStation: have time for some... "cinema"? BlackDjeffgo: You mean absolutly God-awful movies? SuperNovaStation: pretty much BlackDjeffgo: Sure. Let me finish this episode of Garo, and you can pick our first flick for FAN SuperNovaStation: It's a piece of junk called "The Pumaman" BlackDjeffgo: Sounds bad in title alone... SuperNovaStation: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Sx0Qc18RHE BlackDjeffgo: Great. I'll let it load, and when I finish my episode, we'll begin. SuperNovaStation: It's another one of those 10-piece ones, BlackDjeffgo: Not a big deal. DDR-attack and I did that. I have a good signal today, we can probably play clear through SuperNovaStation: twas easy when I and Owen did Pod People, since we were one room apart BlackDjeffgo: Hm~ DDR-attack and I did it with no problem, so I'm hoping for hte best. BlackDjeffgo: the SuperNovaStation: k, SuperNovaStation: tell me when you're ready, BlackDjeffgo: I'm more than 1/2 through... BlackDjeffgo: if you're curious about Garo, I recommend going to TV-Nihon's page and downloading it BlackDjeffgo: It's really good BlackDjeffgo: Okay! Ready? SuperNovaStation: on 3? BlackDjeffgo: Sure. We'll go right through without pausing, if we can. You can count us down. SuperNovaStation: 1 SuperNovaStation: 2 SuperNovaStation: 3 SuperNovaStation: GO BlackDjeffgo: Ahh. Another one with Mike. Okay. BlackDjeffgo: You can tell you're a fan when clips from the intro start looking familiar XD SuperNovaStation: and thus you have become one with the many... BlackDjeffgo: What the? Tom Servo's gone steampunk? SuperNovaStation: guess so, BlackDjeffgo: Oh, I love Crow BlackDjeffgo: Aaaand... Pearl is in England BlackDjeffgo: and Servo leaps right on BlackDjeffgo: Ortega? SuperNovaStation: Pearl is a mad scientist after all BlackDjeffgo: True BlackDjeffgo: MOVIE TIIIIIME! SuperNovaStation: Tom's going to be wearing that... I can tell BlackDjeffgo: Aztec legend... god... time and... BlackDjeffgo: Pumaman? BlackDjeffgo: How does THAT work? SuperNovaStation: became the father of the first pumaman? BlackDjeffgo: And a giant... floating... space... egg... BlackDjeffgo: and stonehenge? BlackDjeffgo: I'm already lost BlackDjeffgo: OH HOLY CRAP! IT'S THE STONE MASK OF DIO!!! BlackDjeffgo: Oh wait, no. SuperNovaStation: I somehow don't think the Aztecs depicted their dieties like... that BlackDjeffgo: PumaMan~ PumaMan~ PumaMan~ only a slight step up from Cheetaman BlackDjeffgo: and Aztecs all... BlackDjeffgo: spoke... English... apparently SuperNovaStation: that looks more like a combination of a UFO and the Death Star BlackDjeffgo: Did Eddy D. Wood Jr make this? BlackDjeffgo: Oh. No. Hmm~ oh well. SuperNovaStation: Maybe, ir maybe he changed his name after making this, BlackDjeffgo: Maybe! BlackDjeffgo: Random blonde with some kind of "Down syndrome" look BlackDjeffgo: PUMAAAAAAAS IIIIIIIIN SPAAAAAAAAACE! SuperNovaStation: A pumaman from outer space... it doesn't seem to make much sense BlackDjeffgo: Oh. it's not qeued upt his time BlackDjeffgo: Well, that's okay. BlackDjeffgo: Ready? SuperNovaStation: yeah, on 3 SuperNovaStation: 2 SuperNovaStation: 1 SuperNovaStation: go BlackDjeffgo: Random yakking SuperNovaStation: Yeah... they immediately believe in the curse, that is SO likely... BlackDjeffgo: Legends, gods, space aliens... I mean, we're talking about like 3 or 4 different genres SuperNovaStation: uhh.,... how are there circuits in the bottom of the mask sculpture? BlackDjeffgo: I have no earthly idea SuperNovaStation: since it's supposed to be an ancient aztec thingamagig? SuperNovaStation: Well, at least this movie gave someone a name BlackDjeffgo: Yes, because an entire race of people who mysteriously VANISHED overnight could totally have Pentium 4s SuperNovaStation signed on at 6:49:14 PM. BlackDjeffgo: Sorry, bad lad, but the movie is still going BlackDjeffgo: So don't worry, keep going BlackDjeffgo: WHOA! RANDOM FALLING OVER A GREEN SCREEN! SuperNovaStation: and it goes straight to random defrenistrations? BlackDjeffgo: And the news paper fails to capitalize "Americans" SuperNovaStation: wow... BlackDjeffgo: Random museum BlackDjeffgo: "My Puma senses are tingling!" SuperNovaStation: do we even know these characters? BlackDjeffgo: No idea SuperNovaStation: a NAME would be nice... BlackDjeffgo: But that guy with the conservative cut reminds me of the live-action Peter Parker from like the 60's or 70's BlackDjeffgo: What's going on, anyways? BlackDjeffgo: WHO! STRONG ARM'D! SuperNovaStation: defrenistration again, BlackDjeffgo: ZOMG! Muscle men are bad! BlackDjeffgo: Okay, the big guy can be "Mash" BlackDjeffgo: Cuz that seems to be what he's good for BlackDjeffgo: Wait, the WHITE GUY is the Aztec god? SuperNovaStation: and now he just dissapears BlackDjeffgo: So, Peter Porker is really... BlackDjeffgo: PUMAMAN?! SuperNovaStation: I mean, he was directly looking at him, how does he just vanish? BlackDjeffgo: Shrug* BlackDjeffgo: Random blonde girl? SuperNovaStation: same one from before, BlackDjeffgo: Jane, huh? BlackDjeffgo: That's as ahem plane... as they come BlackDjeffgo: Okay~... BlackDjeffgo: umm... BlackDjeffgo: I'm as confused as Peter there BlackDjeffgo: Mash is a WOOD SPRITE!! SuperNovaStation: May I just call him Mr. Steroids? BlackDjeffgo: Sure BlackDjeffgo: Mash Steroids SuperNovaStation: O.O, they gave the pumaman a name,, SuperNovaStation: thats at least something over Sidehackers BlackDjeffgo: They did? BlackDjeffgo: Yeah... SuperNovaStation: Tony something BlackDjeffgo: Okay, Tony... fine. BlackDjeffgo: BRB, real quick BlackDjeffgo: Alright. Count us down. SuperNovaStation: 3 SuperNovaStation: 2 SuperNovaStation: 1 SuperNovaStation: go BlackDjeffgo: Random old guys in black BlackDjeffgo: some Steroid-raging moron BlackDjeffgo: and ... PumaMan... SuperNovaStation: what is with their outfits? BlackDjeffgo: Oh, and Miss Plane Jane SuperNovaStation: They look like some evil overlord uniform, nothing a normal person would wear BlackDjeffgo: Yeah BlackDjeffgo: Of course, old white guys dress in black leather... BlackDjeffgo: Shudder BlackDjeffgo: PUMA SENSES TINGLING! SuperNovaStation: For having hyper advanced senses, he sure does seem to get trapped easily BlackDjeffgo: Yeah... BlackDjeffgo: ZOMG! A WITTY COMEBACK! BlackDjeffgo: I love Crow BlackDjeffgo: IT'S A KAMEN RIDER BELT! SuperNovaStation: And... how does he prove himself a friend with just a picture? BlackDjeffgo: See, if I broke into your house and showed you a picture of your dad, you're obligated by law to trust me SuperNovaStation: and... again... random dissapearance... SuperNovaStation: oh right, I forgot about random useless regulation 10637 BlackDjeffgo: Indeed. BlackDjeffgo: Pearl voices one of the nanites SuperNovaStation: That means she is probably evil too, BlackDjeffgo: Whoa BlackDjeffgo: That IS a dry haircut... SuperNovaStation signed on at 7:03:41 PM. BlackDjeffgo: Looks like they got his hair back, at least... BlackDjeffgo: Random guy in a "Dr. Doom" jacket SuperNovaStation: he looks like he is wearing ringmail, BlackDjeffgo: Yeah... BlackDjeffgo: RINGMAIL MAAAAAN! SuperNovaStation: and no one even seems to ask him why he is there, BlackDjeffgo: And no one asks for his name BlackDjeffgo: Or nothing SuperNovaStation: and now he just leaves on his own? BlackDjeffgo: Puma senses tingling! BlackDjeffgo: .......... SuperNovaStation: beause they didn't know how to love each other? BlackDjeffgo: Wow, that was the single-dumbest thing I've ever heard BlackDjeffgo: Dinosaurs died because they didn't love each other SuperNovaStation: Dinosaurs probably didn't even know what love was BlackDjeffgo: Seriously... SuperNovaStation: poorly done brawl! SuperNovaStation: where did they get all the beer BlackDjeffgo: And blondie is just kind of "I dunno how I should feel about this!" SuperNovaStation: and he apparently thinks to escape through that? rather than the door? SuperNovaStation: how does he even know the place so well? BlackDjeffgo: Of course! Because dumbwaiters are totally the way to go BlackDjeffgo: Doors are for wusses and lesser wimps SuperNovaStation: right, not to mention the chances of suffocation and stench SuperNovaStation: on 3? BlackDjeffgo: Yep SuperNovaStation: 3 SuperNovaStation: 2 SuperNovaStation: 1 SuperNovaStation: go BlackDjeffgo: ... the roof is just... shingles? No wood or metal? SuperNovaStation: how does a small backhand like that break through reinforced wood? BlackDjeffgo: Then how's he STANDING on it? SuperNovaStation: ... honestly BlackDjeffgo: YOU MUST HENSHIN WITH THE RIDER GEAR! BlackDjeffgo: THE CODE IS "555"! BlackDjeffgo: HENSHIN! BlackDjeffgo: Oh my God BlackDjeffgo: Like Peter Pan with a gay cape BlackDjeffgo: ... SuperNovaStation: wow.... they took about 1 minute to design that costume BlackDjeffgo: Yeah BlackDjeffgo: PUMAS DO NOT FLY!!! SuperNovaStation: hes not even flying straight BlackDjeffgo: Yeah... SuperNovaStation: and for a moment he was just suspended in air BlackDjeffgo: Yeah... this is pathetic BlackDjeffgo: At the very least, he could have a mask or a bandana or SOMETHING SuperNovaStation: and he spends all that time flying around and then lands in throwing distance BlackDjeffgo: Now... random disco BlackDjeffgo: aaaaand... driving BlackDjeffgo: And now, more flying... SuperNovaStation: and back to the lously flying? BlackDjeffgo: Apparently SuperNovaStation: I think he is just staying there and the background is moving BlackDjeffgo: And to think I actually got EXCITED about the transformation belt. Silly me. BlackDjeffgo: I totally dig this movie's soundtrack though SuperNovaStation: how is it that no one in the city seems to notice the sound of gunfire? BlackDjeffgo: Of course BlackDjeffgo: If your moustache is big enough, there's a federal law that states people must ignore you randomly firing a gun in public SuperNovaStation: falling at a 60 degree angle BlackDjeffgo: Whah-whah-whaaaaaah SuperNovaStation: when you fall, you go straight down, not at an angle BlackDjeffgo: Yeah. BlackDjeffgo: Even if he PUSHED him, he'd only fall sideways for so long BlackDjeffgo: ... BlackDjeffgo: Did he just WALK on the air? SuperNovaStation: yeah... and he left him hanging... on absolutely nothing BlackDjeffgo: Wait, how's he know about the mask now? SuperNovaStation: no idea.... probably looking at the editor's notes... SuperNovaStation: and he walks around the city in that rediculous outfit BlackDjeffgo: He should really... de-transform. No one'll take him seriously like that. BlackDjeffgo: ... BlackDjeffgo: this entire scene is nonsense BlackDjeffgo: "Think about the god-puma..." SuperNovaStation: now we add some sensei mumbo jumbo in a superhero scene BlackDjeffgo: For no reason SuperNovaStation: on 3 BlackDjeffgo: Right SuperNovaStation: 1 SuperNovaStation: 2 SuperNovaStation: 3 SuperNovaStation: go BlackDjeffgo: ... BlackDjeffgo: and... BlackDjeffgo: he-... BlackDjeffgo: just walks through a WALL?! SuperNovaStation: just walks through a wall for no reason BlackDjeffgo: Back to the movie so quickly BlackDjeffgo: At least this one's going SOMEWHAT fast BlackDjeffgo: Unlike Sidehackers SuperNovaStation: at least it STARTED with a plot, BlackDjeffgo: Yeah BlackDjeffgo: MINDRAPE TIME! SuperNovaStation: rather than develop one at mark 70 BlackDjeffgo: ... BlackDjeffgo: That's IT?! SuperNovaStation: that,,,, yeah... was kind of sad BlackDjeffgo: The entire "HELP ME FATHER!" was just nonsense? BlackDjeffgo: So, he can... like... teleport to places he's been before? BlackDjeffgo: Oh, the cop is a friend of his SuperNovaStation: and he is driving.... a what? BlackDjeffgo: Fire... truck? SuperNovaStation: thats not a cop car.... he should have a RED uniform BlackDjeffgo: Yeah... BlackDjeffgo: Oops? SuperNovaStation: uhh,,, random car crash? BlackDjeffgo: I guess BlackDjeffgo: Was that supposed to be funny? SuperNovaStation: maybe, SuperNovaStation: and he is still running aroun in that rediculous outfit, BlackDjeffgo: Yeah... BlackDjeffgo: That's what we call a "Slow learner" SuperNovaStation: fisting someone on the head like that wouldn't knock someone out BlackDjeffgo: None of his powers seem at ALL related to his namesake BlackDjeffgo: Pogo-jumping? SuperNovaStation: yeah, lousy kung fu and flying SuperNovaStation: and connections to an aztec god, were there even any pumas in mesoamerica? BlackDjeffgo: I dare say that this movie is getting close to "So bad, it's just great" BlackDjeffgo: Is that the Jane girl? SuperNovaStation: yep, BlackDjeffgo: Oi~ BlackDjeffgo: This is so random... BlackDjeffgo: But hystarical SuperNovaStation: but at least there is some continuity to make sure that it can be followed BlackDjeffgo: Yeah BlackDjeffgo: Ready for the next part? SuperNovaStation: yeah, on 3 SuperNovaStation: 1 SuperNovaStation: 2 SuperNovaStation: 3 SuperNovaStation: go BlackDjeffgo: What happened to "being right behind them"? SuperNovaStation: went to hell? BlackDjeffgo: I guess? BlackDjeffgo: And now the Aztec guy is A-OK SuperNovaStation: where did they even get the evil overlord outfit, it;s not like any normal tailor would make them BlackDjeffgo: Yeah... SuperNovaStation: yeah... he was being beaten with a wooden stick, wielded by a guy on steroids SuperNovaStation: and of course, they found the mansion without any clues, SuperNovaStation: did we miss a part? or did they? BlackDjeffgo: No, I think Tony put the police transmitter int he girl's car SuperNovaStation: ah, BlackDjeffgo: And I think he used that SuperNovaStation: and of course, instead of discussing important matters, they complain about their location BlackDjeffgo: Of course SuperNovaStation: now with screen shaking for special effects, BlackDjeffgo: Aztec masks - the fastest way to shut up politicians! SuperNovaStation: I wish we could have done that 300 years ago BlackDjeffgo: Seriously. SuperNovaStation: After discussing nothing of importance, lets go home BlackDjeffgo: Of course! That makes PERFECT SENSE! BlackDjeffgo: ... BlackDjeffgo: No. No it doesn't. BlackDjeffgo: RANDOM CAMERA TRICKS! SuperNovaStation: You shall be the one to kill him, why use her when he could use a trained assassin? SuperNovaStation: and of course, he seems to forget he can sense danger, and whatnot, BlackDjeffgo: Yeah... SuperNovaStation: and during all that time, the pumaman was doing NOTHING BlackDjeffgo: Standing around being useless, apparently BlackDjeffgo: THE DOME OF DOME-HEADEDNESS! SuperNovaStation: and.... uhh... was that supposed to be him being flung back or him flying back on his own? BlackDjeffgo: I... think he was thrown SuperNovaStation: Sure didn't look like it SuperNovaStation: gets shocked, then you see his flying animation.... total screw up, BlackDjeffgo: This is getting confusing, but at least we can tell who's bad and who's not BlackDjeffgo: Remember kids, good people have horrible fashion sense! SuperNovaStation: and bad people dress in all black evil overlord costumes SuperNovaStation: on 3? BlackDjeffgo: Yep SuperNovaStation: 1 SuperNovaStation: 2 SuperNovaStation: 3 SuperNovaStation: go SuperNovaStation: wow, this flying animation is even worse than the others BlackDjeffgo: Yes... BlackDjeffgo: He came from dirt, so corn grows in him! BlackDjeffgo: Err - I mean, to earth he'll fall... BlackDjeffgo: yeah BlackDjeffgo: RUN, MR. STEROIDS! RUN! SuperNovaStation: I think the badguy was ranting for 1 minute and 30 seconds BlackDjeffgo: Me too SuperNovaStation: Each man is a god, each man is free, what a tasteless motto BlackDjeffgo: Yeah... SuperNovaStation: He is superstrong, yet mr steroids can wrestle him down BlackDjeffgo: This entire thing is VERY... ghey SuperNovaStation: I mean, he ripped the roof off of a car! BlackDjeffgo: Yeah BlackDjeffgo: Hey, I like Roger Whittaker BlackDjeffgo: and the song Mike sang I like BlackDjeffgo: I gotta leave ol' Durham Town~ BlackDjeffgo: and that leavin's gonna get me down~ SuperNovaStation: so will bad movies, SuperNovaStation: anyways on 3? BlackDjeffgo: Yep SuperNovaStation: 3 SuperNovaStation: 2 SuperNovaStation: 1 SuperNovaStation: go BlackDjeffgo: Random destroyed alleyway? SuperNovaStation: They don't have the sense to just shoot him in the head when they can? BlackDjeffgo: Hey, ammunition is expensive BlackDjeffgo: Huh? BlackDjeffgo: "You'll never find a corpse more dead than this one"? SuperNovaStation: make it look like an accident" After they were defrenistrating people, I don't see why they would care BlackDjeffgo: You are so Kobra-whipped... SuperNovaStation: hey, I am not the antagonist here, well, maybe I am, I showed you this piece of junk BlackDjeffgo: Indeed! BlackDjeffgo: But if you think I'll dress up like the PumaMan, you got another thing coming BlackDjeffgo: SHORYUKEN! SuperNovaStation: Yeah... uhh.. I didn't get that part... BlackDjeffgo: Me either. BlackDjeffgo: Who cares? We're almost done. SuperNovaStation: did they explain why he lost his powers? I thought he had to USE them to fake death BlackDjeffgo: I thought so too BlackDjeffgo: And didn't they say his powers were GENETIC?! SuperNovaStation: yeah, in his blood BlackDjeffgo: So, what? The belt burns up his blood? BlackDjeffgo: Who does he think he is? Kamen Rider Kaixa? SuperNovaStation: I would like a bit of an explanation too, BlackDjeffgo: Sigh So, the Aztec dude got kidnapped~ BlackDjeffgo: Aaaaand~ now the camera's shaking again SuperNovaStation: why not just shoot him? BlackDjeffgo: Too easy. BlackDjeffgo: Besides, if they shoot him, the muscles tense up BlackDjeffgo: "KABOOM", y'know? SuperNovaStation: yeah, how does he pull the pin without half his face? BlackDjeffgo: No idea SuperNovaStation: on 3? SuperNovaStation: 3 SuperNovaStation: 2 SuperNovaStation: 1 SuperNovaStation: go BlackDjeffgo: Whoo~ not much left to go~ BlackDjeffgo: Oh. The mask made him lose his powers BlackDjeffgo: They could've TOLD us that SuperNovaStation: Glad they only explained that now... BlackDjeffgo: RANDOM DISCO BATTLE!!! BlackDjeffgo: That's strangely awesome SuperNovaStation: why don't those henchmen use guns? BlackDjeffgo: RANDOM DISCO BATTLE! SuperNovaStation: if only it weren't so poorly done, SuperNovaStation: and mr. steroids just took a flying kick to the chest wihtout flinching BlackDjeffgo: I think that's what makes it so awesome... BlackDjeffgo: DISCO BATTLE!!! SuperNovaStation: and pumaman is just flying around while mr steroids is doing everything BlackDjeffgo: Yeah.. SuperNovaStation: and he just left the mask there? BlackDjeffgo: The big guy's still there. He could take it, I guess BlackDjeffgo: He... hiccuped mid-flight, apparently SuperNovaStation: Yeah... but seriously, thats just careless...., they didn't even say anything SuperNovaStation: huh? what did he do? BlackDjeffgo: Uhh... BlackDjeffgo: I dunno, but something exploded SuperNovaStation: other than just stupefy the pilot until he decided to crash> BlackDjeffgo: And that's pretty cool SuperNovaStation: onto the last part, ready? BlackDjeffgo: Yeah. Let's go SuperNovaStation: 3 SuperNovaStation: 2 SuperNovaStation: 1 SuperNovaStation: go BlackDjeffgo: ... SuperNovaStation: I don't get it either BlackDjeffgo: Okay, bad guy's dead. Guy gets girl. Can this end now? SuperNovaStation: and he turns day into night,,.. doesn't he know how much that would mess things up? BlackDjeffgo: It's like the "Song of Sun" from Zelda: Ocaraina of Time SuperNovaStation: Oh, the big UFO/Death star thing from the start of the movie BlackDjeffgo: Oh. Right. Giant space egg. SuperNovaStation: and WHERE IS THE MASK??? SuperNovaStation: oh, there BlackDjeffgo: There. SuperNovaStation: and it's day again, BlackDjeffgo: Yeah. Apparently the egg is also a MOON BlackDjeffgo: I wonder if he EVER changes clothes? SuperNovaStation: ...yeah... BlackDjeffgo: Oh my dear sweet God SuperNovaStation: Credits, now they could have at least had the DeCENCY to have another scene on when doing them BlackDjeffgo: After him suggesting they boink in the air? BlackDjeffgo: Me thinks not. SuperNovaStation: Well, it's over, comments? BlackDjeffgo: It was... BlackDjeffgo: So bad, it was just awesome SuperNovaStation: Yeah, I mean, it wasn't so bad that it was hopeless, I actually had a bit of fun watching that, rather than just wanting to smash my face into a brick BlackDjeffgo: Yeah. It was pretty funny, even though that wasn't the intent. SuperNovaStation: Yeah, I would say it's bad, but not horrible, maybe space mutiny squirm range, probably the least bad of the ones we have seen BlackDjeffgo: Yes. That was one... somewhat decent one SuperNovaStation: Worst part was the special effects and animations, though I mean, in plot and continuity, it was actually decent compared to everything else BlackDjeffgo: Even had a Roger Whittaker-impersonator there at the end. All-in-all, that was actually kinda fun SuperNovaStation: But I mean, the flying animation was TERRIBLE every time, but I would rather have bad graphics than no plot. SuperNovaStation: Well, I think thats all, BlackDjeffgo: I actually liked it. I liked it in that "I like Plan 9 for every reason the director did NOT intend on" but I liked it... SuperNovaStation: Yep, sort of how I felt, and it was fairly fast paced so I didn't have to try to hard to resist throwing my laptop out the window BlackDjeffgo: Which is always a plus SuperNovaStation: Well, I suppose thats all SuperNovaStation: Oh, and the romance was a total piece of junk, but I don't think that was too major anyways. BlackDjeffgo: Indeed, but they didn't harp on it, at least. BlackDjeffgo: Well, that sums it up. Good night, everybody! SuperNovaStation: Good night,
	Come visit me and my thought processes at my website: http://www.publishedauthors.net/tdotdw/news.html "In the cold light, justice and morality always look corny and you can't wave the flag and look cool. But like it or not, society needs its heroes." - John Hart; actor who played The Lone Ranger.

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