Viewing Single Post From: Jeff's Bad Movie Commentary!

Viewing Single Post From: Jeff's Bad Movie Commentary!
Jeff	Jun 4 2009, 08:14 PM
Lord of Pie & BBWs Posts: 1,383 Group: Four Against Nature Member #3 Joined: Jul 6, 2008 Quote You are but the strongest KNIGHT! You should be able to ROCK ME!	BlackDjeffgo: Saaaay, Root co2gb: ... BlackDjeffgo: You like movies, don't you? co2gb: You could say that BlackDjeffgo: Do you like... BatMan, by chance? co2gb: I haven't seen them all by I liked most of the ones I saw BlackDjeffgo: Great! BlackDjeffgo: See, I got this great movie we're gonna do some commentary over co2gb: Yeaaah co2gb: About that. BlackDjeffgo: The MST3K version for maximum awesome BlackDjeffgo: This one's "The Wild World of Batwoman"! BlackDjeffgo: Sean's already left and if you don't, I'll have to bring Rem along co2gb: Which would probably end with me being in pain for passing the buck to her, as it were BlackDjeffgo: Yep! co2gb: You dirty sonuva.. BlackDjeffgo: So! The time has come to shock some life back into Jeff's Movie Commentaries BlackDjeffgo: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-8844527005004442275&ei=b04oSsyPJY_MrgL7n_mfCg&q=Wild+World+of+Batwoman BlackDjeffgo: Go ahead and let it load a little co2gb: let me see something BlackDjeffgo: ok co2gb: hour and a half? co2gb: not sure if I'll be here BlackDjeffgo: Well, we'll watch it as far as we can and pause it, and when you get back, we'll finish it co2gb: In other words co2gb: Even if I don't want to watch it co2gb: I don't have a choice? BlackDjeffgo: I'll make it a very simple option for you: Rem or Batwoman co2gb: I choose option ... "or!" co2gb: Deku nut and run! BlackDjeffgo: I took the liberty of-- ow rubs his eyes -- of sealing all your doors and windows, just in case. co2gb: ... co2gb: Shazbot. BlackDjeffgo: So! Are we ready? co2gb: Not really, no BlackDjeffgo: Eh, good enough. Count us down for the start! co2gb: That means "inability to watch" co2gb: And no, don't drag Rem into this. co2gb: on the grounds that it sucks for me BlackDjeffgo: Precisely, but you're so much more helpful when you have incentive to be. co2gb: yeah but it's an hour and a half co2gb: and i could be doing something else, even though I really had nothing better to do right now BlackDjeffgo: I told you: we'll watch it until you go - then pause - and when you return, we'll finish it! BlackDjeffgo: So! Lean back, relax and let's begin, shall we? co2gb: ok, fine co2gb: i'm at 1:36 having played through the intro BlackDjeffgo: Okay, we're ready to begin BlackDjeffgo: Count us off co2gb: no u BlackDjeffgo: Okay, fine. BlackDjeffgo: I'll count us off BlackDjeffgo: 3 BlackDjeffgo: 2 BlackDjeffgo: 1 BlackDjeffgo: GO! co2gb: oh wait co2gb: browser freeze BlackDjeffgo: That's fine. Just restart it co2gb: at 00? BlackDjeffgo: If you want. Whatever gets the movie playing co2gb: fine, restarting BlackDjeffgo: Okay, is everything set and okay now? co2gb: yes, it's playing BlackDjeffgo: Okay BlackDjeffgo: 3 BlackDjeffgo: 2 BlackDjeffgo: 1 BlackDjeffgo: GO co2gb: what time are you at? BlackDjeffgo: :35 co2gb: now? BlackDjeffgo: 55 right now co2gb: good enough BlackDjeffgo: Yeah BlackDjeffgo: They're playing cards BlackDjeffgo: You can't break 5, I don't think co2gb: ... BlackDjeffgo: XD BlackDjeffgo: Atomic-powered hair dryer co2gb: by the way co2gb: Would it have made a difference if I told you I didn't like Batman movies? BlackDjeffgo: No. BlackDjeffgo: I just wanted a nice lead-in for when I post this on FAN BlackDjeffgo: Wow. That's some hair. co2gb: This has nothing to do with batman BlackDjeffgo: I know. co2gb: sigh.. BlackDjeffgo: The RazorBack BlackDjeffgo: The hair looks like a mushroom cloud BlackDjeffgo: A short on cheating? co2gb: Gee, you're surprised? BlackDjeffgo: A Sweeny Todd reference well before the movie remake! Huzzah! BlackDjeffgo: This is a really depressing short BlackDjeffgo: I mean, the one DDR-attack and I saw on Springs was far more fun BlackDjeffgo: OH NOES! THEY ARE STUDYING THE MATHS! co2gb: The sad thing is I actually know what they're talking about BlackDjeffgo: Me too, surprisingly co2gb: and can actually execute it BlackDjeffgo: It was quite obvious he was an idiot when he tried to subtract X from X^2 co2gb: You can't subtract a quantity from a multiplied quantity. BlackDjeffgo: Yeah co2gb: quantity* BlackDjeffgo: Sadly, even I know that co2gb: You would understand trig if it were explained to you. BlackDjeffgo: Probably. BlackDjeffgo: JOHNNY! YOU WERE SUCH A GOOD BOY! YOU EVEN SAID "GEE WHIZZ" AND "SWELL" ALL THE TIME! BlackDjeffgo: Yeah, where are this d00d's parents? co2gb: shrug BlackDjeffgo: He's being SO blatant, why didn't he get caught sooner? BlackDjeffgo: I love the MST3K guys. I wouldn't make it through some of these movies without them co2gb: You would never bother watching these it weren't for them period. You wouldn't even know about them BlackDjeffgo: I dunno, I went through Plan 9 BlackDjeffgo: Which was so bad, it was just awesome co2gb: This is just boring BlackDjeffgo: The shorts tend to be that way. They add them in when the movies weren't feature-length BlackDjeffgo: Well, this movie is off to a promising start BlackDjeffgo: There's more than one Batgirl? co2gb: I guess BlackDjeffgo: Okay... I'm sure they'll explain EVERYTHING soon rolls eyes BlackDjeffgo: Wait, vampires? That drink strawberry yogurt? BlackDjeffgo: Well, it's still a step up from Twilight co2gb: Not really. BlackDjeffgo: Hah! He went and got popcorn BlackDjeffgo: Which he's never done before BlackDjeffgo: They're just goofing off since these credits are so long co2gb: Hyperbole BlackDjeffgo: A mugging. co2gb: yup BlackDjeffgo: So, is this a super hero flick, maybe? BlackDjeffgo: Nope, guess not BlackDjeffgo: Brilliant! Drop the gun at the scene of the crime! BlackDjeffgo: Whoa BlackDjeffgo: Those hair styles could swallow small children BlackDjeffgo: I assume this is going somewhere, unlike Outlaw of Gor... BlackDjeffgo: I want everyone to take a moment to look at the symbolism in this scene co2gb: wha? BlackDjeffgo: So, random girl got kidnapped... co2gb: yup, see how much i care? BlackDjeffgo: Remember: when driving, shake your hands wildly from left to right! BlackDjeffgo: Okay! Let's get some super heroism going, shall w-- whoa BlackDjeffgo: Hel-lop BlackDjeffgo: Hel-lo, even BlackDjeffgo: Hel-lop is what you say to a Kabouter to greet them co2gb: Kabouter...like, Kabouter Plop? BlackDjeffgo: Yup co2gb: you would know this how? BlackDjeffgo: It sounded good BlackDjeffgo: And back to the movie BlackDjeffgo: Stop shaking the steering wheel back and forth! BlackDjeffgo: Was that a bite? co2gb: Don't want to know BlackDjeffgo: Like she kinda bit him and kinda... didn't BlackDjeffgo: Eh, never mind. Who cares? BlackDjeffgo: BatWoman is an upper-middle class crime fighter BlackDjeffgo: This is TOTALLY not a rip off of Mary Shellie's Frankenstein, released like 30 years before this movie BlackDjeffgo: Heathcliff? BlackDjeffgo: Someone put Heathcliff back on his leash, damn it! co2gb: afk BlackDjeffgo: Shall I just keep watching, then, Mr. Enthusiastic Co-commentator? BlackDjeffgo: Well, I'm resume my own commentary until you return. Hawt dayum. The acting is terrible, but I think they're objective was to not direct attention to that! co2gb: You said I had to watch it with you for commentary. You did not, however, say I had to be enthusiastic. BlackDjeffgo: Got me there co2gb: I got called for dinner. BlackDjeffgo: Ahh, ok. Shall we pause then? co2gb: alright co2gb: since I'm not getting out of it co2gb: continue BlackDjeffgo: Awrighty BlackDjeffgo: 3 BlackDjeffgo: 2 BlackDjeffgo: 1 BlackDjeffgo: GO co2gb: PERPOSTEROUS BlackDjeffgo: OBVIOUS MANUEVER #9238 co2gb: and INCONCEIVEABLE BlackDjeffgo: Yeah, they doped up that one chick and she's been dancing the ENTIRE SCENE co2gb: I'm bored. BlackDjeffgo: Did he say "Atomic Hearing Aid"? BlackDjeffgo: Okay, I'll admit, THAT'S pretty funny BlackDjeffgo: Tequila BlackDjeffgo: Ayjax? co2gb: I guess BlackDjeffgo: I swear, half these scenes have been to get the movie to feature length co2gb: Seems like that happens in all these movies co2gb: Rem: I'm going to go have a temper tantrum. Rem: Tell Jeff it's all his fault. co2gb: Will do BlackDjeffgo: XD BlackDjeffgo: Oh well. BlackDjeffgo: So, the random old geezer is making deals with foreign agents BlackDjeffgo: Film noir meets film suck. co2gb: .............. BlackDjeffgo: She be jammin' BlackDjeffgo: On an organ co2gb: The only thing I can think of that has an organ in it is House of the Rising Sun (probably) and Bible Hymns co2gb: Take a guess. BlackDjeffgo: Yeah... co2gb: and House of the Rising Sun had an organ solo in it co2gb: And given what's gonig on here... co2gb: Hmm BlackDjeffgo: Yeah. It'd be a perfect fit BlackDjeffgo: Yeah. For a super heroine, she sure is... boring co2gb: The movie itself is co2gb: Why should the protagonist be any different BlackDjeffgo: The actresses were probably just bored, so they starting fighting over that horse shoe thing in the background co2gb: And on the third day BlackDjeffgo: They don't even give a damn about the movie. They're still harping on the short. co2gb: The short was better than the movie. BlackDjeffgo: Yeah. Gypsy is as much of a female as a robot can be. co2gb: And Gypsy never actually watches the movies does she BlackDjeffgo: Not that I know of. She just kind of hangs around BlackDjeffgo: STONE HIM!!! STONE HIIIIIM!!! BlackDjeffgo: BURN THE CHEATER!!! BUUUUUUUURN HIIIIIIIM!!! co2gb: Relax. BlackDjeffgo: Something about monsters and taking pills. I don't even know anymore. co2gb: This has nothing to do with batman BlackDjeffgo: I'm aware. co2gb: How dare you lure me into a false sense of security BlackDjeffgo: Well "BatWoman" "BatMan". It's a very easy mistake to make! I mean lead and gold are a single proton apart! co2gb: We're talking about two letters. co2gb: Not sub-atomic particles co2gb: That is a horrible analogy co2gb: I might have to smite you for that BlackDjeffgo: Anyone could've made that mistake! co2gb: Not when both have BatMan in them BlackDjeffgo: Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha! This movie's fun! BlackDjeffgo: Aww co2gb: No BlackDjeffgo: Back to dominatrix Barbie co2gb: Don't say that word around me. BlackDjeffgo: Sorry. BlackDjeffgo: Back to the DC copyright infringement BlackDjeffgo: Random soup delivery! co2gb: If this makes them all dance co2gb: .... BlackDjeffgo: ... BlackDjeffgo: Whelp, at least I wasn't getting my hopes up. co2gb: **ing called it. co2gb: Enough of this crap. BlackDjeffgo: We're almost done, hang in there co2gb: With another 40 minutes to go? co2gb: I think now co2gb: not BlackDjeffgo: Nah. The MST3K guys go like 20 minutes after the movie co2gb: Who cares about a woman named "Ms. Benson" BlackDjeffgo: RINGO'S IN IT! co2gb: I liked the beatles co2gb: Assholes. BlackDjeffgo: XD BlackDjeffgo: HEY! HITLER! WE WANNA ORDER OVER HERE! co2gb: When was this movie made anyway BlackDjeffgo: I wanna say the early 50's BlackDjeffgo: Oh God, EVERYONE'S dancing now co2gb: apparently that has to do with the plot co2gb: Drugging people to make them dance co2gb: Makes no sense at all BlackDjeffgo: I've never heard of EVIL soup that makes people dance uncontrollably BlackDjeffgo: There's one random woman in the background not even moving. co2gb: What is the NRA? BlackDjeffgo: National Rifle Association co2gb: Oh co2gb: because of the one woman with a rifile in the background co2gb: for no reason BlackDjeffgo: And if the world looked like a legion of 60's-esque dancing girls, I can't say I'd argue too much... co2gb: But you see Jeff co2gb: The world is ruled by legions of ignorant people BlackDjeffgo: I know. BlackDjeffgo: And now, she's a paganesque BatWoman co2gb: To the point where 60s-esque dancing girls would be an upgrade. BlackDjeffgo: Yeah, I think I preferred Joel Schumacher's schtick more than this. BlackDjeffgo: I mean, Batman Forever was at least fun. BlackDjeffgo: I. AM. IRON. MAN. BlackDjeffgo: Some kind of stupid seance nonsense co2gb: Ding-dong day BlackDjeffgo: So, it really WAS an atomic hearing aid? For real? co2gb: It'd be dumb, like this movie BlackDjeffgo: ... What the? Is that supposed to be funny? co2gb: dunno BlackDjeffgo: Sigh co2gb: goodnight moon BlackDjeffgo: At least mustache moved a little. BlackDjeffgo: ... BlackDjeffgo: SAY SOMETHING, MOVIE!!! BlackDjeffgo: Dear God, it IS an atomic hearing aid. I thought they were being facetious. co2gb: You gave them too much credit co2gb: Now you know why I didn't want to watch this BlackDjeffgo: Hey, be thankful I didn't drag YOU through "Invasion of the Neptune Men" BlackDjeffgo: Even the MST3K guys were crying co2gb: If memory serves co2gb: You tried BlackDjeffgo: Yeah. I think DDR was the one who went with me on that one BlackDjeffgo: He went to STATE UNIVERSITY? Everyone went to STATE! co2gb: I liked Johnny Steps better than this BlackDjeffgo: Johnny Steps is losing! And that's me! BlackDjeffgo: Yeah, let's go back to the cheating short. I'm with Tom on this one. co2gb: The only thing that makes this even connected from Batwoman is the tatoo or whatever on her chest BlackDjeffgo: Why are their telephones like three times louder than any voice in this movie? co2gb: Tom looks like a lightbulb in the theater. BlackDjeffgo: Yeah, kinda. I mean, his head is based on a gumball machine so... co2gb: You just agreed with a gumball machine/lightbulb BlackDjeffgo: MORE DANCING?! co2gb: and making out co2gb: I didn't see enough of that at school? BlackDjeffgo: This movie is ALMOST as pointless as the Mixed-Up Zombies movie. BlackDjeffgo: I think I dragged Sean through that. BlackDjeffgo: IT'S RICK ASTLEY!!! co2gb: no co2gb: It's not co2gb: And if you say it is again co2gb: I'm going to bludgeon you with a pipe BlackDjeffgo: Everyone follow Blondie McManvoice BlackDjeffgo: Now they're TRYING to teach each other to dance?! co2gb: This has nothing to do with Batman, once again BlackDjeffgo: What is WRONG with this movie?! Apart from the obvious! co2gb: Doesn't work that way Jeff co2gb: The obvious makes it wrong, therefore it is wrong BlackDjeffgo: Well, got me there. BlackDjeffgo: RANDOM KIDNAPPING #2 AND 3! BlackDjeffgo: Now #4! BlackDjeffgo: BAD TOUCH! co2gb: Stranger Danger! BlackDjeffgo: First you say "no"! Then you tell a police officer! BlackDjeffgo: #5 co2gb: You should have gotten Sean to watch this BlackDjeffgo: I tried. co2gb: I'm sure he would have enjoyed the treatment of the women. BlackDjeffgo: Hah! BlackDjeffgo: It's "You have never seen anything like it", you schmucks. BlackDjeffgo: B MOVIE SCREAM! BlackDjeffgo: They're supposedly underground yet the sun's shining on them? co2gb: The only thing in this movie that got me to laugh was the "If it hits you at 90 MPH it can hurt you" BlackDjeffgo: Hence why I go for the MST3K versions BlackDjeffgo: HOLY CRAP! IT'S SHOCKER! Someone call Kamen Rider! BlackDjeffgo: Okay, the 500 Miles joke made me laugh co2gb: what is that from? BlackDjeffgo: It's a song co2gb: what song? BlackDjeffgo: I Would Walk 500 Miles by the Proclaimers co2gb: oh BlackDjeffgo: Back to the cheating skit BlackDjeffgo: Gypsy just called him gumball-headed. BlackDjeffgo: FRY HIM! FRYYYYY HIIIIIIM! BlackDjeffgo: SHUN! SHUN! SHUUUN! BlackDjeffgo: Wow. Sean'll miss having passed this movie up. co2gb: And he always has to carry tom in BlackDjeffgo: He does because Tom has no legs. co2gb: but I thought he just was flying around in the other room BlackDjeffgo: BIND YOU! CONFINE YOU! DEFYING YOUR REEEEEEIGN! co2gb: Yes...I do quite agree. Sean would've loved this movie. BlackDjeffgo: He can kind of hop around a little, but Mike carries him in for simplicity's sake co2gb: And if you're reading this, dude, you're a complete ****hole BlackDjeffgo: Niiice. co2gb: oh BlackDjeffgo: There's a lot of BDSM undertones in this movie. co2gb: stop that BlackDjeffgo: Oh. Sorry. BlackDjeffgo: Ratfink? The villain's name is Ratfink? BlackDjeffgo: That's the best they could've done? co2gb: again, you sound surprised BlackDjeffgo: Whooooaaaaaa. That went well beyond the range of TMI. co2gb: I missed it co2gb: Thankfully BlackDjeffgo: It sounded like they were implying monstersecks, but the less they elaborate the better. co2gb: That wasn't another way of saying tell me co2gb: That was saying "good, keep it to yourself" BlackDjeffgo: Oh well. BlackDjeffgo: ... Wait, a "Magnetic Electron Device" breaks chains? co2gb: Magnetic electron device? co2gb: That doesn't make sense in or out of context BlackDjeffgo: Seriously. co2gb: Looks like she's holding the attachment to a water hose. BlackDjeffgo: Yeah BlackDjeffgo: Or like a toy from the early 20's BlackDjeffgo: She went from badass to "ZOMG! I'M POWERLESS" co2gb: "I'll built houses so close to myself you won't be able to catch me" BlackDjeffgo: It's suddenly a Benny Hill skit? co2gb: Excepy benny hill was better BlackDjeffgo: Yeeeeeah... BlackDjeffgo: I bet the director at this point realized just how pointless this movie was and just threw his hands up and yelled "DO WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT!" co2gb: I agree. Acceptable loses. BlackDjeffgo: Yeah. Kill 'em all. BlackDjeffgo: Tomino the ending. co2gb: Look, they're not even DOING anything BlackDjeffgo: They're just running around co2gb: They're just running around in circles in a conga line rpetty much BlackDjeffgo: A chemical reaction does not work that way! BlackDjeffgo: THE OLD GUY! BlackDjeffgo: ... BlackDjeffgo: So, he stole his own invention... because he's OCD and likes listening to phone conversations? BlackDjeffgo: AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! co2gb: Probably. BlackDjeffgo: It exploded? BlackDjeffgo: They killed the retarded guy? BlackDjeffgo: IT'S FUNNY! THEIR LEGS ARE IN THE AIR! HA-HA-HA! BlackDjeffgo: ... BlackDjeffgo: After all that, EVERYONE SURVIVES?! BlackDjeffgo: The guy with the small bullet wound DIES but the retard who bites into an atomic explosion not only lives but gets SMARTER?! co2gb: They try to make plot now co2gb: A little too late BlackDjeffgo: Yeah BlackDjeffgo: That stupid chant crap BlackDjeffgo: NO! BlackDjeffgo: NOT AGAIN!!! NO MORE DANCING!! BlackDjeffgo: CUE CREDITS!!! co2gb: Just end it already, good god co2gb: That must be the director co2gb: Because he just said "As a child, I fell on my head" BlackDjeffgo: Okay, it must be over now, right? BlackDjeffgo: Hah! BlackDjeffgo: Mike said he'd hunt down the director of this movie BlackDjeffgo: Is this supposed to be funny? co2gb: dunno BlackDjeffgo: EEEEEEEEEEEEEND!!! BlackDjeffgo: THANK YOU! BlackDjeffgo: THE END! WHew BlackDjeffgo: Wow. Just... wow. co2gb: Are you happy now? BlackDjeffgo: Well, your closing thoughts? co2gb: "Are you happy now?" BlackDjeffgo: ... I'm not happy 'til you're not happy. Are you not happy? co2gb: Let me elaborate for you then co2gb: Are you happy that I sat through this with you now? BlackDjeffgo: Yes. co2gb: Good, that's exactly what you got. BlackDjeffgo: Huzzah! co2gb: Nothing more. BlackDjeffgo: This is Jeff and Root for FAN - signing off for the night!
	Come visit me and my thought processes at my website: http://www.publishedauthors.net/tdotdw/news.html "In the cold light, justice and morality always look corny and you can't wave the flag and look cool. But like it or not, society needs its heroes." - John Hart; actor who played The Lone Ranger.

Jeff's Bad Movie Commentary! · Media Sector