| Story Five: Diary of Dust | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Sep 13 2009, 05:58 PM (316 Views) | |
| Darkom | Sep 13 2009, 05:58 PM Post #1 |
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Diary of Dust - Day 1 Day one, I suppose. I have no idea how long I’ve been out of it since I’ve been put in here. This is completely ridiculous! I have no idea what day it is, I can only tell what time of day it is by looking through that tiny window at the top of my cell. I keep trying to remember how I ended up in here but I am struggling and I really am struggling. I remember a face or a name and then it slips through my hands like grave dust. I can’t write any more my wrists hurt. -Day 1, evening I had to stop writing this morning, I have wrist irons on but they aren’t ordinary. I can feel the magic flowing through them, they make me weak, and they stop me thinking properly. It’s as though the world is dulled and I’m looking at everything through the frosted glass you see in Inn windows. Colours are dull and sounds are muffled. My head feels fuzzy. If only I could remember why I am here. Wait… I can hear footsteps. It was only a guard coming to check on us all. I asked him to tell me why I was here and his reply was “Scum like you should know why you’re in here.” I told him I honestly couldn’t remember, I pleaded with him to tell me but he just sneered and left us all. There is an Altmer in the cell opposite mine. He told me I murdered someone. I don’t know if that’s true. I don’t remember murdering anyone, why would I murder anyone? I don’t hate anybody enough to kill them. -Day 2 evening. I’ve been switching between sleeping and waking all day, I dreamt about blood I think. There was red everywhere, dark blood, almost black all over the floor and all over the walls. And eyes! Oh I have just remembered the eyes, they were so dead so dead and lifeless. The expression was sad. I can’t remember anything else. I wish I could. Why would I dream such a thing? Although as I write my breathing is getting fast and out of control. -Day 3, morning. I blacked out yesterday. I was remembering the dream and then I felt so out of control and I collapsed. I am rather achy now from being out cold on the stone floor all night. In fact now I look at it my sides are covered in bruises. When did that happen? Was it before or after I was arrested? Arrested? I was arrested? Well it must be true if I wrote it, I think… I think I am remembering something. A face… The Imperial guard, they came to my house and arrested me! I can remember it now. They barged in and knocked the door off its hinges, and one man pushed me to the ground, I think I dropped something. And I remember feeling as though I had been ripped away from something. I don’t know what though. Nothing else, my mind is blank now. Why is this all blocked off from me? I can only remember tiny flickers of detail about my life before all this. My wrist is aching again I can’t write any more. -Day 5, afternoon. Yesterday we were allowed outside. Only in the prison grounds for an hour but it was so nice. The sun was on my face and my skin it reminded me of the day of the funeral I was angry at the nine for making it so sunny when I felt dead on the inside. I don’t think I cried at the funeral, but I do remember wanting to wrench the lid off the coffin just to prove to myself that she was gone, I was so convinced the coffin was empty. Oh no, I… my writing, I can’t, this doesn’t make sense. I think I’m blacking out again. -Day 5, night. Back to yesterday. Sitting outside for that hour was so relaxing. One of the other prisoners sat next to me. He was a fellow Dunmer called Shingon, he smiled and sat down he reminded me of someone, we spoke for the whole of that hour. I felt like I had known him my whole life, we just sort of clicked together so naturally. He said he had been here for a long time, although he had lost count of the days, I wondered if that would happen to me too. Why do they try to drive you mad in prison if they don’t even let you remember why you’re in here in the first place? He did say that people with magical skill or physical strength often got given wrist irons that were more powerful than the ones given to normal people which was why neither of us could remember much about why we’re here. He also said that we were allowed outside like this once a week. I look forward to the next time I can see him. Being able to talk to him is so soothing. -Day 6, morning. I am on edge. I don’t know why, I can’t concentrate or breathe normally. My vision keeps fading and my chest is so tight I feel as though there is a monster inside my chest aching to escape but it is being held back and forced down. Am I in control of it or not? -Day 6, afternoon. The Altmer in the cell opposite me hates me. He laughed at me this morning, I must have dreamt last night because I was feeling so tense and I panicked after I stopped writing, I was running around my cell begging for a way out, and for water. I couldn’t find any water I was so thirsty, unbelievably thirsty I remember my skin feeling as though it was on fire but I was shivering on the inside and goose bumps covered my arms. He laughed at me and told me I was stupid because there was no way out and we were stuck here forever, or until they decided to execute us. I keep glaring at his cell and he keeps laughing whenever he sees me looking. That bastard! Just now.. just now… as I was writing… I mean seriously just now he looked over at me and asked what I was writing, I told him it was none of his business and that he should go stick his huge high elf nose somewhere else. “At least I know why I’m in here!” He shouted. I hate him.. I hate that man. He thinks is so superior to the rest of us in here. I can feel it now, I can feel whispers of words on my tongue, tinglings of power on my finger tips. But the wrist irons bind me, they stop me from calling on whatever magical power it is that I have. Instead I had to vomit in the corner. Which made him laugh at me even more. -Day 9, morning. I haven’t written for a few days and I wish I had now. I have to write to make sure I remember because I can’t even remember what I did in the past three days. Everything is dull to me, just various shades of grey. I can’t even remember that dream I had before I argued with the Altmer man. But I can just about remember what I dreamt last night. The body was on the table… -Day 9, afternoon. They interrupted my writing this morning. I had to go for questioning about something they had found in my house. They said something like this has not been seen in Mournhold for a long time. I had to ask what, because I honestly had no idea what they meant. A soldier said they had found grand black soul gems in my house. I stared at him rather stupidly because I didn’t know if that was meant to mean anything or not. The soldier told me to stop acting so ignorant and slapped me across the face. Then another man, stepped forward and said that the wrist irons I was wearing were the strongest set they had in the prison and that they dulled the senses and caused memory loss in most people, then he said the only way for me to remember properly and answer their questions would be for them to remove the wrist irons. I looked up at that point, rather hopefully but of course they weren’t that stupid. I was escorted back to my cell after that, although I don’t think they are finished with me. Before I left I had been trying to write down the dream I had last night, The body was on the table. I didn’t know the name of the person who had lost their life, neither did I know the reason but I knew it was a worthwhile reason. I saw the blood covering my hands and I felt so guilty. Then ghosts appeared everywhere and they all rushed at me, they’re spectral dead mouldy hands clasping for my neck, and my ankles I screamed and tried to run but they caught me and dragged me down, down through the floor into a never ending blackness. They spoke to me but their voices sounded so far away. They had silvery voices that echoed and they told me I had now given up ownership of my life because of what I had done and I was drowning, drowning in the sea of blackness which had turned to thick black water which filled my ears and nose, it covered my eyes and filled my lungs until I woke up coughing and spluttering and covered in my own sick. Oh I am shakking again, shaking so. badlly I canhardly hold the pen. I think it’s the wrist irons theyare holding my memmories hostage and giving them back to me in my sleeep. -Day 10, night. I have to write this down, I mustn’t forget. Just now I felt the bonds of the wrist irons weaken. My head felt clear and I felt as though I could break free, but as soon as the feeling came it disappeared again. Am I getting stronger? Is solitude what I need to free myself? -Day 11, morning. I had that dream again. -Day 11, evening. They took me to be questioned again today, but this time I was guarded by no less than 5 mages! I don’t know what I think I am capable of but I felt really stupid being guarded by 5 mages when I can’t even use my powers. I was sat in a chair in the middle of a round room and the 5 mages were stood behind me, while soldiers guarded each door and another man entered to ask me some questions. He asked me if I knew why I was here so I told him I thought I had killed someone. He asked if I knew why I would want to kill anyone and I replied that I didn’t. I couldn’t think of any reason. Then he asked me why I had black soul gems in my house. I had to inquire as to what black soul gems were, he told me a black soul gem is when the soul of another humanoid is trapped inside the gem. Which implied I had either killed other humans before or I knew someone who did and was supplying me with black soul gems. I couldn’t remember anything, I don’t even know why I would have black soul gems in my house, what would I use them for? The man questioning me then asked the guards to remove one and only one of my wrist irons. That’s the last thing I can remember and now I’m back in my cell while the Altmer opposite me is now looking as though he’d like to be opposite any cell except mine. At least he’ll leave me alone now. -Day 13, evening. Yesterday I slept. I think I must have just slept the entire day because it was morning one minute and night time the next. Today though we were allowed outside and everyone was avoiding me but no one would explain why. That was until I saw Shingon again. He gave me that smile again and sat down on the grass with me. “Everyone is avoiding me as though I have a horrible disease, and I don’t know why.” “Probably because of what happened two days ago,” “What did happen Shingon? Because I can’t remember a thing.” “You must either have a really bad memory or really strong bindings on those wrist irons.” “One thing I don’t understand. Why is it fair to make me suffer when I haven’t done anything wrong? The me that has done something wrong isn’t the me I am now. So which is the real me? Who am I?” “I see before me a very warm and charming young woman, I don’t know who you are without the wrist irons. All I heard was that someone taken for questioning tried to summon creatures and that a lot of people got hurt.” After that I felt troubled. I didn’t like the sound of this other ‘me’ I didn’t know her and she didn’t know me. But I was innocent and she had done terrible things. As long as the wrist irons stayed on I could remain innocent. -Day 14, morning. I must write quickly, I can think clearly and I can remember. I must escape these bars so I can finish the ritual. I HAVE TO RELEASE HER SOUL! -Day 14, afternoon. I think I’ve been writing in my sleep because I do not remember writing anything in here this morning. Unless I was actually thinking clearly. I don’t want to think clearly, I don’t want to remember anything ever again! I want to stay in this cell forever if it means I can stay with the innocent untainted mind I have now. I care about simple things I like the sunshine and I like to see Shingon. Those are the only things that matter to me in here. That Altmer is still giving me odd looks, I keep trying to ask him what I’ve said or done but he just ignores me now. Whoever thought prison could be a fresh start? -Day 15, morning. Oh byy the nine. I cann’t write properly rightnow. I need to write thiss down. Ok, I took a minute to calm down, I have to write but I am still shaking horribly. My dream, oh I remember something now. I dreamt about my daughter. She was there. Her eyes cursed me and I fell to my knees unable to look at her. She still bore the scratches on her body, they were fresh as though they had only just been inflicted. Then I captured her soul and placed it in a black soul gem so that I could bring her back -Day 16, afternoon. My body aches so much, I think I must have passed out after I stopped writing yesterday because my joints are covered in bruises from lying on the stone floor for so long. I just noticed what I wrote, I have a daughter? And I captured her soul? What kind of a sick person does that? Is that the other me? The me without these bindings. I hope they are never removed. Although I am worried now, I wish I could speak to Shingon. If she has managed to push against the bindings twice so close together she must be getting stronger. -Day 16, evening. I asked the guard who brings the evening meals of bread and water to us if I could have stronger bindings on my wrist irons. He looked at me like I was completely crazy, even more so than any of the guards have done before. I insisted I was serious because otherwise my normal self might escape. He just replied to that with; “No one escapes these cells.” -Day 17, evening. I must find the soul gem, the one with her in. I must be free. The moonlight is falling on my skin and I can see it all over again. I am turning my grief into anger, anger that never ends and wills me to keep going. Sometimes I don’t even know why I’m angry any more I just know that the rage fills me. It fills every part of me, from the top of my head to my finger tips to my toes. Every part of me is consumed by hatred and rage and it has to go somewhere.... -Day 19, morning. They are going to execute me. I have no recollection of anything after what I wrote when I asked the guard to strengthen the bindings. But from what I can gather I managed to overcome the power of the wrist irons and summon creatures from the darkest depths of Oblivion. That guard realised I was to be taken seriously after all and tomorrow morning they execute me. I won’t even get to see Shingon again. I keep having the same dream over and over again, the one where my daughter is standing infront of me and I have to fall to my knees because I cannot look at her for more than a second. Why don’t I feel sad writing this? If someone looses a child they never feel calm about it and they never forget it. I’ve heard about those women that lose children and think about them every day and the pain never goes away. Why am I so calm? -Day 19, evening. If I had a daughter why can’t I remember anything about her? I keep trying to think but nothing comes to my mind. I am a terrible person I can’t remember her. -Day 20, midday. When I woke up I was knelt on the floor in the position they make people kneel in so they can have their heads removed cleanly with an axe. I just remember waking up very suddenly as though I had been jolted awake and I waiting a few moments expecting the blow to come but it did not. I looked up slowly and saw the crowd that usually watched such entertainment in Mournhold were all dead. Everyone was dead around me. There were so many bodies. I felt guilty for a second but only a second then I felt my head clearing, I noticed a dremora kneeling beside me unlocking my wrist irons and removing them. “What’s going on?” I asked him. He spoke to me in his dark, accented voice. “Mistress. You summoned us, as you have done before and here we are, freeing you as you asked us to.” “I don’t remember.” Morthorr, was this dremoras name, I recognised him, I had summoned him a few times before. He helped me up and I looked out and saw a winged twilight, a daedroth and a several skeletons walking amongst the dead bodies that littered the floor. I felt a smile creep onto my face as I felt the rage and passion returning. I could feel my other self fighting to gain control. ”Go away! The bindings are off, you don’t exist anymore!” I argued “No! I do exist, I am here to remind you of your daughter. I can’t remember her but you can. You have forgotten why you’re angry. I know now that you are angry at yourself!” “I’m-“ “You’re the reason she died. You’re experiment got out of hand, she died because of you and the grief is eating you up.” “No! That’s not true!” “It is the undisputed truth. You will never be free of your guilt or grief unless you turn and face me instead of running like a coward and making others suffer!” “I can bring her back, I have her soul, I can bring her back and everything will be ok.” I insisted although hot tears now ran down my cheeks. “You must look at her. Look at your daughters face without cowering away!” An image flashed up in my head of her sweet gentle face without any bruises or scratches. Her deep red eyes were filled with happiness and the innocence of youth. Her ashen skin was just the way I remember, covered in those tiny fine hairs that made her cheeks soft to stroke as she fell asleep. “I can’t, I can’t look at her any more.!” I shouted out loud as I crumpled into a heap on the floor. ”You must free her. Break the soul gem, set her soul free.” I motioned for Morthorr to hand me his sword. Daedric weapons are one of the only things strong enough and enchanted enough to break a soul gem. I raised the sword above my head and brought it down with all the strength I had. All the rage and anger I had built up inside of me went with it. As soon as the blade hit the gem it cracked and the mist escaped. I heard screams of pain, my daughter’s screams, the sounds she made before she died. “Thank you Mother.” The voice surrounded me and filled me up as I watched the mist float away. |
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7:07 PM Jul 11