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[Accepted] Izayoi O. Steelman; Done
Topic Started: Dec 9 2016, 07:38 PM (981 Views)
Zaber
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Water Dragon Slayer

The cooldowns and durations are acceptable for those first two spells.

The last one, yes you need to designate a clear time of 'charging the spell before casting'. The charge time should reflect the effects you use, and bare in mind-- to charge a spell, you won't be able to do any big attacks or actions outside of that post.
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Tenken
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Hoennese and proud!

Fioran Defense Bureau
 
The burea is known by civilians as political party and lobbying group that promotes fioran nationalism but in reality, it is a cabal of powerful nationalist military leaders, mages and tycoons with the backing of fioran crown that seeks to protect fioran magical superiority at all cost

Yo that doesn't sound like anything the current king would back at all man, he's all about the international relations and the sharing of magical knowledge.

--

Your "Enemies and Rivals" tag has "Allies and Friends" as the Header above the Foundation or whatever.

--

Quote:
 
Izayoi uses this art to a great effect to turn his body into a sword,

Gotta love the fact that you can't have transformation spells as an ex-quip user.

--


Please link the actual purchases of the items (as in their topics) in the Purchases tag on your Sources. I know it's on the items but put it in the purchases tag too please.

--

Quote:
 
he also heals from grievous wounds more easy than average men along with having an easier time enduring foreign toxins in his body.

This will also need to be a magical effect, not a natural one.

--

Yeah there's no way you're getting the 40% discount on your amulet - it's neither a katana nor an aura armour (as in an armour that generates an aura) it is instead an accessory that generates an aura and that is not the same thing.

--

Actually as it is your "theme" and your discounted items don't make sense - it goes on and on about being a blacksmith but your discount is auras and only one kind of weapon? Nah bro, you gotta gel that together a bit better.

--

Techniques:

  • Buso is fine.

  • Tesseiko needs some number tweaks: Ranks 1-4 you wouldn't have been able to use your whole body as a sword, just several limbs as per TO similarities. At Rank 5 the duration should also only be 3 posts, not 4. It can be 4 at Rank 6 however and then scale from there as is.

  • Zanoshi: Poor translation aside we've got the following:

    -The effect cannot be invisible, you need to add an accuracy cap at which level people can see through it.

    -It also cannot lower/weaken/break other spells, it's gotta be one or the other and ex-quip and anti-magic skullduggery doesn't mix. None of that at all.

    -The attack is using strength + weapon rank + magic rank already so the "plus whatever strength Izayoi can generate" part has to be removed since that's some ridiculous levels of no.

    -Please also lower the Stamina resist levels from Ranks 3-7 as those numbers are too high.

    -And the explosion delay thing? Nah bro, not until at least Rank 7, and even then not internal 'splosions.

  • Henkou:
    -Increase cooldown by +3 for Ranks 1-3, +2 for Ranks 4-6 and +1 for Ranks 7-8
    -Ranks 1-5 should be forced to pick between either a weight OR a size change.
    -Cannot be "within field of view" the effect must activate on touch.


--

Sentou Meguri:

OK we all knew it was gonna come to this so let's get nice and comfortable.

Look straight out I'm not happy with it, not even a little. You're spontaneously generating items to a literal nth degree to the point of ridiculousness, not to mention the massively staggered effects layered together. This is going to be gutted man, pure and simple and straight to it, and it's gonna be hard, but together we can get through this and make it a reasonable idea to have around.

But we'll go individual sections:

  • 1) The poem, the chant, the charge-up effect: can you take other actions whilst chanting this? Also why is the charge up so massively varied? Ranks 1-2 are 8 posts but then it literally halves? You know that Rank 3 techs aren't that good right like...

    This should instead be:
    Ranks 1-2: 6 post charge
    Ranks 3-4: 5 post charge
    Ranks 5-6: 4 post charge
    Ranks 7-9: 3 post charge
    Rank 10: 2 post charge

  • 2) The cooldown is going to always be 5 posts. Flat out, pure and simple.

  • 3) The "sustain injuries while focusing" parts aren't staggered well at all. As it is you should be able to take one equal rank injury and 3 lower ranked ones before you lose focus.
    Also if you lose focus you have to start from the beginning entirely.

  • 4) The Area of Effect should be static, not dynamic.
    You've mentioned it but I'm gonna state it again.
    Also you can be forced off the area if a powerful enough effect hits you, just by the by. And the duration will tick down anyway, regardless of you being in the area or not.

  • 5) The "use all Ko and Telekinetic Ryu techs without cooldowns but -x ranks" is in no way balanced.
    You're realistically saying that, at max rank, you can use a theoretical infinite amount of Rank 8 techniques every post from the Ko and Ryu sections which aren't weak by the by. That's insane and far too strong for anyone on the board to have in any way, so we're gonna tweak it.
    -When Sentou Meguri is cast you can pick either the Ko or Ryu trees.
    -You can cast up to two techniques from the tree you chose per post for 0 cooldown.
    -You cannot cast the same spell twice in one post OR in back-to-back posts.
    -You cannot cast spells from the tree you did not pick at all during the duration.

  • 6) The field of blades thing isn't quite right either.
    So right now it seems like the entire field is covered in instantly respawning blades however I'm gonna say that if one breaks one you can replace it on the next post but not on the same one. It can be the same one at Rank 10 but not before.
    Also, whilst Yamanbagiri is down on the field it cannot be used itself and if it's drawn out the swords all vanish.


Alright I think that's about everything.
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Jossle
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Swordsman & Swordsmith as One!

huff huff....there....its done...now imma...lay down for bit

Posted Image
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Zaber
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Water Dragon Slayer

Theme of magic still needs defining for what does your items work for ? Basically is it a form of knight? Samurai? Magic Swordsman with armor. Please provide a base example that fits the theme of your magic. Since the amulet won't count towards it.

For Zanoshi-- your using a power stat. For a damaging effect, its better you just use Rank 5 damage or serious damage-- list of damages is shown in advance rules on site to show what rank does which name of damage. A power stat is inconsistent with what a magic attack does. To keep it simple, just state "Rank 5 damage" and whatever other rank is used per spell. Endurance is fine.

Now on the minor detail, I am not sure while the back story about Fiore Secret Service thing will be possible, best to consider something different. If not acceptable, you will be forced to replace the story anyway.
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Jossle
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Swordsman & Swordsmith as One!

This is just torture.. :cry: . But fine... Theme is eastern weapons and armors , see element on magic but i have now made it samurai , clear enough i hope. Also took your suggestion to replace power with rank x damage in the rank table

Now...the bureau/foundation thing, I need to get this off my chest....

Posted Image

Its just flavor text guys! how is it so damn important everyone keeps mentioning!?

But as per tenn's request, i fixed the bureau mentioning the crown so now is just a plain group of people that are super nationalist and have a lot of influence (I was inspired to make them by NRA) as tenn's problem with it was that it broke canon with the whole mentioning of the crown. With that behind us, i would like to repeat what I said to ina....These groups are largely devices for plots that have very little to do with him as spoiler alert izayoi won't join either of them! These groups are just a writer device to justify his adventures in IC. They are not important in anyway, they are background characters in the case of the bureau and mook villians and creepypasta monsters in the case of the foundation! So please just lets move on the actual important stuff
Edited by Jossle, Dec 14 2016, 12:10 PM.
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Zaber
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Water Dragon Slayer

This is my personal opinion and i can be wrong-- But im willing to let the story thing slide. However, you need to understand what you do is not 'canon' to the actual world of FTG's lore here. You may write it down here, but its not gonna be official or centered in any site events .

I personally don't care about your background choice. However, if you start passing yourself off as some big-shot in FIore's goverment it might cause issues with events.

Other than that, I'm good with what you have.
Edited by Zaber, Dec 14 2016, 04:20 PM.
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Jossle
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Swordsman & Swordsmith as One!

...if you are good. Give me the 1+ please. right now it isn't very clear
Edited by Jossle, Dec 14 2016, 07:49 PM.
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Zaber
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Water Dragon Slayer

1/2 approval. I agree with this as it is now.
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AuraLex
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Ask away; I have all the answers.

Zanoshi
-Get rid of the word 'either,' you don't need it there

Henkou
-A lot of these numbers are pretty high for their ranks. I'm not going to go through each of the ranks and tell you what numbers you should have, but decrease them all by a bit. A ballpark for your Rank 5 would be probably, 2 meters in length, .5 in width, or 15 kg of weight.

Hyakutou Meguri
-In your Ranks spoiler, it still says that it "allows him to use all his Ko and Telekinetic Ryu abilities without cooldown." That should be changed to or
-From Rank 6-8, there should be a 2 Rank penalty. And from Rank9-10 there should be a 1 Rank penalty.
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Jossle
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Swordsman & Swordsmith as One!

fixed. Small tweaks really
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