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[Accepted] Axel Tengoku; The Apostle of Acheron
Topic Started: Apr 23 2016, 09:07 PM (368 Views)
Axel Tengoku
Member Avatar
D-Class
Account Name: Axel Tengoku


Profile
Name: Axel Tengoku
Nickname: The Apostle of Acheron
Age: 21
Gender: Male
Height: 6'3” (194 cm)
Weight: 213 lbs (95.6 kg)
Guild: N/A
Class: D
Affiliation: Neutral

Appearance
Physical Description:
Axel is tall and well built, priding himself on his training that brought his body to it's peak. Each muscle is toned, deep with the scars given from training and the fights Axel got in earlier in his life. His back, shoulders, and chest are covered by dark blue tattoos that glow when he uses his magic. This is said to be the mark of the demon within the man, the power given to Axel. Axel holds himself tall and mighty, the muscles in his back developed extremely well. He also has large shoulders, reminiscent of the hard lifestyle he had when he was younger, including his time as a farmer. Axel's hands are also hardened, evident of his lifestyle training as well. He has light blue, short, spiky hair that is very unruly and cannot be kept down. Axel also has red eyes, a deep crimson red, reminiscent of a vampire or a beast. They are constantly in some sort of a smirk, a glint always shining in them. Axel also has tan skin, evident once more of his more outside lifestyle then others. He grew up outside his whole life, and as a result of that, he has darker skin then others.

Clothing:
Axel wears long, black pants with two red stripes at the bottom, with a pair of brown sandals on his feet. His pants are held up by a white grommet belt that's tied at the front. Sometimes, you can also see Axel wearing a long red cape, and when he gets into a guild, with the guild mark on the back. He does not wear a shirt, as he feels it can be very restricting. At most, if at a fancier event, or if needed in a mission, Axel will wear a shirt. Otherwise, all he has is the cape and the pants. It may be flamboyant, but it is his style that he picked up.

For meeting high, well placed individuals, Axel has a black suit he wears, with white cuff links and black pants. Although it is a seemingly darker color, he always wears a white shirt underneath. This is the one other clothing he has- otherwise, he just wears the pants with the sandals. It is much more comforting for him to move around in.

Accessories: Axel has bandages covering his lower abs and his forearms, where the marks of the demon lies. Beneath these tapes are a tiny jewel embedded within his skin.
Extra: Axel has dark blue tattoos along both of his arms which extend to his shoulders and his upper back.
Picture:
Axel Tengoku


Personality
Spoiler: click to toggle

History
Spoiler: click to toggle


Weaponry/Equipment
Name: Nodachi
Class: D
Description: A Nodachi blade given to him by his late Uncle. Signifies the past, and is his traditional weapon he uses to fight. The blade is 95 cm long, and weighs 4 kg. It is quite a hefty sword. The blade and hilt are a purple color, which was the color of the company's flag. Generally, the nodachi is just a longer katana, with a bit of weight added to it. It is used because of its wide reach as well as the capabilities to keep opponents at a comfortable range.
Effect/Function: None

Stats - 78
Power: 16
Endurance: 10
Toughness: 11
Speed: 10
Accuracy: 11
Magic: 20

Earned
Stat Points Earned: 0/23
Arc Points Earned: 4/4
Guild Points Earned: 4/4
Jewels Earned: 2,100,000 / 3,300,000

Source(s):
sources


Skills & Disciplines

  • Sword Fighter: After many years of training with the small assassin company, Axel has grown to be quite adept with the nodachi given to him. He has the ability to use it, as well as other martial arts, to complement his crazed fighting style.
  • Muay Thai: The company taught Axel the martial arts of using other body parts besides his feet and fists to fight. This allowed Axel a more comfortable fighting style to which he can customize. Although he is not yet a master, he is quite proficient in this.
  • Spatial Awareness: Through years on the farm, as well as in the company, Axel has developed a great awareness to his surroundings. The trained senses have allowed him to be able to sense things that may be around the corner, or even ill-intent. This training is not just mere training, it is from years of experience growing up in dangerous situations.
  • Social Engineering: As part of his training with the company, he learned many things about the human psyche as well as the human factor in anything. This was needed as there were many missions Axel went on which required him to bypass people in order to complete an objective. It was even better because it allowed him to not kill everyone he meets- something he has yet to do.
  • Free Running/Parkour: Although he is not the most nimble of folks, he is still able to use his body to create advantages. He has learned to use acrobatics such as free-running and parkour to create a situation that is more advantageous for him. This was also taught to him by the assassin company, as there were many times where Axel had to use these abilities to escape from dangerous situations, or even to get into places that required stealth and ability such as this.


Magic
Magic Name: Charybdis Soul
Magic Type: Lord of Tsunami Demon Magic
Element: Abyssal Water
Magic Tier: 1
Rank: 3
Magic Description: Charybdis is the Takeover magic spawned from the joining of Axel and The Demon Lord of Tsunami, Charybdis. This magic allows Axel to use Deep Sea of Hades magic, a dark and water elemental type, outside of his takeover form. The user of this magic can create, shape and manipulate the water of a darker, detrimental nature; that which damages, destroys, and consumes anything/everything they come across. This magic is solely about controlling the negative aspects of water.

Charybdis can control the same magic to a much higher degree. Charybdis is also able to cause mini tsunamis by using the gemstones on his arms and body to “smash” the air around him, causing a massive pressure to form up, creating both a sonic boom and a torrential burst to shoot towards the opponent. Charybdis mentions that this magic can be used to cause massive earthly disruptions and chaos, such as eviscerating entire races with this magic in ancient times.

The magic within both the takeover form and outside of it are based around the ideas of the chaos that can come from the less talked about side of water- how it can destroy. Much like a tsunami that destroys villages located on the coast. This water originates from inside Axel, who is now the host of the demon lord. This water element is known as "Abyssal Water", and much like how shadow is the opposite of light, this is the opposite of water. It is a single element, and not a dual element.

Techniques: 7/7 ( 5 + 2 Bought)

Tsunami Magic - Torrential Outburst - (3)
Type: Caster Magic - Offensive
Range: 20 m
Effect: 5 blunt water spears that are 60 cm long and 10 cm wide are formed behind Axel. They shoot out, covered in dark energies, towards an enemy. It feels like frozen eggs if hit. Each spear deals superficial, with only the full light damage when they all hit.
Cooldown: 2 posts
Duration: Instant

Demon Granted Sixth Sense- Tremor Reception - (1)
Type: Passive
Range: 10 m diameter
Effect: Axel can sense any tremor in a 10 meter diameter around him. With this tremor (a vibration, could be sound, wind, etc), he can pinpoint vaguely the direction the thing is moving.

Charybdis Soul – (3)
Type: Take Over
Range: Personal
Cooldown: 2 posts
Duration: 3 posts
Charybdis Soul
Edited by Sachio Hanabe, Jun 4 2016, 12:34 AM.
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Sachio
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Just Hanging Around

Let's get you approved so we can rp!

Equipment:
Nodachi- need dimensions on it. Weight and length. As well as a little bit more description. Not everyone knows what a nodachi is.

Magic:
General-
Don't get too in depth with the science aspects of water. We don't play well with science.
Should probably fix your spell names in your TO form as well as the TO form spoiler itself, because it still has "Take Over Name" and your abilities still say (Name of Technique)

Torrential Outburst:
- just a nitpick here, but stating the spears are blunt but can pierce is kinda opposite xD
- typically the damage is stated in the spell description, instead of a separate line.
-when doing multiple projectiles in one spell, each projectile does Rank -1 damage. All of them combined would do your Rank's full damage. I will send you examples if you need them.

TO Form:
- ya need to fill I'm the "General Apperance" section
- Heracles Augments, I'd rewrite that so it doesn't state you gained power from them, because starting natural equipment aren't magical in nature. Currently they would just be gauntlets that act as armor and cause your unarmed strikes to hurt a little bit more since getting hit with armor doesn't feel too nice.

Corrosive Waters- need more of a description for this spell. We will go over it again when it's fleshed out more.
Tsunami Epicenter- same thing as what I stated above
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Axel Tengoku
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Edited using above remarks! Thank you :)
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Mazohyst
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Stay the course.

If you notice a great portion of your profile is pushed to the right. This is because of a missing closing bracket for your list. If you want to fix this you'll need to put [/list] after the paragraph description for Free Running/Parkour.

Your stats currently add up to 50 and not 55, so you're missing 5 SP that you could have spent.
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Axel Tengoku
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D-Class
edited for above remarks.. fixed coding and numbers:P
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Sachio
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Just Hanging Around

Torrential Outburst: need dimensions on the Spears

Tsunami Epicenter: need some numbers for the knock back. Distance and stat check to resist. (Ex. 15 power needed to resist the knock back)

Your TO spells should probably move that damage part into the spell description also.
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Axel Tengoku
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Edited with final values to make sure everything is good
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Sachio
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Just Hanging Around

Looks OK to me. Up to other mods now.
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Inara Serra
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Honesty without tact is cruelty.

Put in a rate of measure on your weight.
213lb = 95.6kg (list it either way, or as both if you prefer.)

Magic rank is 2, not 1. Fix that.

Need you to list rank progression of the actual take over. (how many limbs [and which ones] you're changing, etc.) As of now you've got it written up as if gaining the full form at rank 2. Which won't happen until rank 4, as mentioned.

As for the form itself, it looks good.

Where I find an issue, however is your first technique.

Corrosive Waters
  • So far you are using 3 elements in this (dark, water, and lightning).
  • Your magic description makes allowances for 2 of those, so remove the bit about lightning, or make sure it says it is simply a cosmetic effect having nothing to do with the magic itself.
  • The range if this is a single projectile is could be upped a bit. To around 30m
  • If this is multiple projectiles then you can still up it to around 20m overall


Tsunami Epicenter
  • Range on this should be 10 meter radius tops, as per AoE rules found here.
  • Cooldown should be around 3 posts at this rank.



Now an overall issue I see is, where is the water coming from exactly? Is it only naturally occurring, is it something they summon for their personal use at will?

And that's all for now.

Sorry you have to make more edits.
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Axel Tengoku
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D-Class
doneskies. And yeah, I can't believe you want my app to be good. HOW DARE YOU. Also rank progression is in general description, if thats ok.
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