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[Graded]Frankenswine: A Tale of Delicious Bacon and Hardening Arteries; Closed
Topic Started: Oct 1 2014, 12:45 PM (1,312 Views)
Mazohyst
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Stay the course.

Artorius couldn't really argue that so far their experiences in this cave were a bit less than stellar. They had been tossed and turned, slapped around and nearly and literally had the life choked out of them. At least good company made it a bit more bearable and there was still the possibility that the rumors about the boar being as delicious as they had heard were actually true. If anything, that is what would make this whole trip worthwhile. Artorius hated coming out of an adventure empty-handed. He was hardly the sort to find happiness upon opening a treasure chest just to find that it was friendship he was looking for. Can't we have friendship and awesome treasure? Or, in this case bacon. "You might be right but I feel we're on the right track. Though, I can only hope that the boar does exist and that the rumors about it are actually true. For the sake of my sanity, I'll choose to belief it's true for now."

Artorius smirked as Snow teased him about being so well-prepared. It was utterly in the man's nature to do so. He had spent far too much time on adventures where he wished he had brought one thing or another. He traveled light still, but that didn't mean he traveled without what he considered necessary supplies. On this particular expedition he had his usual weapons: Kalameet -- his long sword meant for slaying large beasts like that bear and hopefully that boar, a shorter and lighter curved sword named Shalquoir for fighting in narrow corridors or against smaller game, two daggers, five throwing knives (already having used two), steel wire for making traps, a survival knife, parachord, and a flask.

Then there was the assortment of food he had in his pack, mostly dried meat that he smoked himself, and some other rations, medical supplies, and a few other personal effects like smokes and a lighter. He could hardly argue with Snow, though he wasn't incredibly fond of being called a boyscout, but he still couldn't help but laugh about it a bit. "Maybe, but aren't I carrying a bit too much weaponry to be a boy scout?" he joked with her before they finished up.

The man couldn't help but notice that she was walking with a bit of a gait. She could manage to move without much pain, but Artorius made sure to keep an eye on her in case the situation got any worse. Nodding his head, Artorius lead the way down a relatively flat corridor-like chamber which lead into a larger trapezoidal cavern. A calming and cool bio-luminescent glow radiated from the walls of the cavern. Glowing mushrooms, he thought as he looked at them. Though, luckily they weren't the poisonous sort. They were actually edible, though the taste was hardly enjoyable to humans.

"Sorry about before," Artorius spoke, initially trying to fight off the urge to mention what happened but he was compelled to do so as it felt almost rude otherwise. "If that was your first then we can say that didn't count, if you'd like."
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Inara Serra
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Honesty without tact is cruelty.

Snow had been enjoying the change of pace, and the soft glow of the mushrooms. Luckily she was also familiar with this variety and knew they weren't deadly. Except to perhaps one's taste buds. The room was large, but the amount of fungi on the walls of the cavern more than made up for that it seemed. It looked nearly like a soft sort of twilight, except...wrong color. "You do really have more weapons than most boy scouts have a right to." She said with a small laugh before he spoke again.

Of course, she was suddenly glad her face couldn't be seen properly, since she turned a few lovely shades of scarlet. She had already been pretending nothing happened. She cleared her throat and made a face. She wasn't sure how to answer precisely, and before she could think it through her mouth blurted out what her brain had in it. "It wasn't my first." The tone was nearly that of insulted person. Then in a slightly disbelieving tone,"and of course it doesn't count. For one, you were basically having a seizure. Secondly, I don't think people end up with bloody lips when...uh... they kiss." That last word had been rather hard to say, and she had stumbled over it a bit. Her lack of experience in all areas related to human contact outside of the sisterly sort didn't help anything. She had hugged one person, and kissed one person (well 2 now if she counted the seizure kiss). That was the extent of her experience.

Her social awkwardness and slightly skewed view came into play as she looked at him though, a sort of seriousness on her face. She looked like a person who had just had a lightbulb come on over their head. She patted his arm, a friendly and understanding look on her face. "But if it was your first, you don't have to count it. Like I said, you were basically having a seizure." She gave a smile which was all innocence and kindness. Not a bit of sarcasm to be had.

She cleared her throat again, looking around the cavern, and pretending she hadn't just been embarrassed half to death. "We are definitely going to kill this pig. Wherever it's hiding..I could really go for some bacon right now." Oh what a smooth change of subject. The subtlety on this one. She thought vaguely something would get murdered if she couldn't find the creature. It Damn well better exist. Lives depended on it.

She walked carefully across the cavern, noting that the floor was smooth and while it wasn't necessarily hot here, it was still warm and humid. This was likely the reason why so many of the mushrooms were here. She could see as she moved around that quite a few of them had been taken from the walls, munched down and eaten most likely considering the way the stems were not broken, just half gone. She noted this and motioned to Artorius. "We might have a bit of hope after all." She gave a smile, her cracked lip nearly better already. At least she could be certain that they hadn't been eaten by a damn bear.
Edited by Inara Serra, Oct 6 2014, 02:19 PM.
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Mazohyst
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Stay the course.

Artorius fought off a grin, in fact he tried not to laugh. "No, that wasn't mine," he shook his head while scratching the back of his head in equal parts amusement and half-embarrassment. Judging from his expression it seemed quite obvious that it was not his first one, not by a long shot in fact. The man had been more than friends with more than a few women, or even simply really, really good friends with women, but it was hardly ever anything long-lasting. Trust a man with personal trust issues to have a heart like a revolving door. Though, what amused him most was how sweetly and innocently Snow had spoken to him without even a single drop of sarcasm. Though, a few moments later Artorius suddenly got quiet and had a curious expression on his face as he seriously began to remember who his first kiss actually was, then remembered, and grinned. That's something you truly never forget.

"You're right. Before this day is over that pig will die," Artorius spoke, his words grim but his tone totally laced with humor and amusement. Still, he was quite serious about killing that pig and turning into pork and bacon. Otherwise, this adventure would feel like a waste of time. Though, it would only truly be the case if he was without good company.

Further into the cavern, down a cavern that contained countless mushrooms, Artorius heard a faint squeal in the distance. For a moment, Artorius thought he was only hearing things but the echoing throughout the chamber only confirmed it. There was a pig somewhere here, and Artorius raised his finger over his lips to gesture to Snow to keep quiet. Then, suddenly a small little pig bolted out from around the corner, leaping and jumping as if something were chasing it. And, in fact, something was chasing it.

Hogzilla. A giant pig. The biggest damn bacon he had ever seen. It was Tusker in his prime and glory, chasing this small little pig who was the same species but obviously just a little piglet away from his territory. The piglet skidded to a halt, crashing into Artorius' leg snout first. It looked at Artorius, sniffed once or twice, then ran away in fear before moving to his alternative. Hiding behind Snow, the tiny fuzzy piglet cowered in fear. Meanwhile, Tusker (who the two only had a chance to glimpse at), trodded away further into the cavern as if utterly unconcerned with the two.

"Looks like the boar is real after all..." Artorius breathed a sigh of relief. "That little guy must have encroached on its territory."
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Inara Serra
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Honesty without tact is cruelty.

Snow nearly missed the signal. She had been about to speak, but luckily she heard the noise and saw the quick downward Alice of his hand mentioning her to stillness. The squealing rebounded in her ears, loud enough to make her want to move forward even as it echoed through the cavern. She stayed still though, aware now that her campaign's senses were likely more keen than her own. She spotted the boar, her eyes fixed on it and it's deliciousness at the forefront of her mind. She nearly knocked an arrow, but it was gone too quickly for a clear shot.

The little piglet which had run over Artorius' leg now stood behind her quivering. It had perhaps picked the least sympathetic hiding place possible. She made a swift movement and picked up in smoothly even as it bucked and snorted. They weren't so different from dogs, or so she had heard, and therefore it was simple enough to find a decent hold on its little neck. She petted and soothed it, but her attention was all focused on where Tusker had gone, her mouth salivating slightly at the thought of their prize being so close.

"So," She said casually to Artorius. "If he is chasing the wee ones, fistfight mean there are babes of his own he wants protecting. Or at least females." Females meant he would be overprotective. That and extra meat to get in the way of their goal. In the event the sous had babes, they would be sluggish, but overprotective as well. She looked at the little bundle in her arms, now mostly quiet. It started up at her with little beady eyes, its snout moving gently as it sniffed the air. "So.. we could use this little guy for bait if we need to." She scratched beneath its chin even as she said this. She might look slightly cold hearted, but she didn't normally let her bait die unless it was dead to start with.

"What would you prefer we do?" She would defer to him, whatever his opinion was. She didn't mind it really... not so long as they finally got to eat some Damn bacon.
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Mazohyst
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Stay the course.

Bait was probably the best strategy they could think of. They didn't necessarily know what laid beyond that curve and corner of the cave. Not only that, but this section of the cave seemed excellent for an ambush. It featured a natural outcropping whose shape was almost like a shelf from which Snow could possibly safely pepper the massive boar with volleys of arrows. Furthermore, there was a crevice within which Artorius could hide and then pop out of in order to ambush and cut off the boar's path of retreat. It was risky, as putting himself as the path of least resistance between several tons of furious flesh and bone was obviously dangerous but Artorius felt it was nothing that he couldn't handle. At the very least, it was nothing he hadn't experienced beforehand.

"There's a ledge over there from where you can shoot that boar relatively safely," Artorius pointed out by craning his neck towards. Then, pointing out the crevice, Artorius began to explain the rest of the plan. "I'll hide in that crevice over there. I'll also get that little guy," he paused to point towards the piglet he was referring to. "I'll get him to run into the corner where Tusker is, and after that Tusker should show up and chase him away. After that, I'll pop out, cut off the boar's retreat, and we'll take him on from there. It won't be an easy battle from there, so I think we'll have to whittle him down slowly -- take out his eyes and other crucial vulnerabilities. Now that I don't have to hold back we have a pretty decent chance at taking him down here."

After some last minute adjustments to their plan, Artorius began setting things into motion after Snow reached the ledge. With the pig under his arm, squealing and whining as it did, he moved towards the crevice. A brief moment later, Artorius kicked it squarely in the rear and it began running off squealing and screaming the entire time. Then came the rumbling. Each and every footstep that Tusker made caused the cave floor to tremble, and as it passed the crevice, Artorius' face paled slightly.

Swallowing his apprehension, Artorius leaped out of the crevice. The immense boar turned to face him, its massive tusks gleaming like gigantic ivory sabers. Drawing his own weapon, Artorius clutched his long sword tightly in his hand. "Now, Snow!" Artorius called out to her.
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Inara Serra
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Honesty without tact is cruelty.

The boar was massive, bigger than many a creature Snow had heretofore taken down. She aimed her bow, waiting while the steps responded throughout the chamber. She couldn't mess this up, or Artorius' life would be more than in danger, it might be forfeit. Sure he was a dragon slayer, that hardly made him invincible especially against a foe of this magnitude. When the little pig ran away, she took a few deep breaths. It seemed their quarry was coming in quickly. Artorius was in his crevice, and she knocked an arrow, pushing away the fear of messing up.

When the giant pig finally came into sight, she took a few more breaths. She kept the arrows point trained on its eye, hoping that she would be able to blind it before Artorius became gored. Its tusks gleaned in the pale light, and it's hide was dark, spikes running along its back. She couldn't mess this up, or he would be done for. Artorius jumped out, yelling at her. She took aim and loosed the arrow, making perfect shot into its eye. The thing would be at least half blind. She knocked another, aiming for its heart even as it squealed and anger and turned in circles, trying again to find its prey. She aimed for the heart even as it charged at Artorius...

She missed, the arrow catching it in the jowels even as it lowered its massive head and made for the the other person in the room again. She swore and knocked another, knowing she would have to make the shot count no matter what. Maybe it was a happy accident that at that moment the little pig from before came running into the the cavern. It seemed the thing had little enough sense, or it would have kept going when it scented this bigger boar. Instead, it made a running leap into the midst of the fray, momentarily distracting the charging boar.

It turned, not paying attention to either of its attackers as the little pig ran straight into Turkey's leg. Snow took careful aim, and managed to land a solid arrow in its chest. As it circled the little creature. It ran then, back the way it had come. The boar, despite being hit in the heart and half blinded, wasn't dead yet. It was making for Artorius again, tusks shining dully...
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Mazohyst
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Stay the course.

Artorius had to remind himself that this thing, large or not, was just a simple pig. He had contested with more zombies and ghouls and ghosts than he could possibly count, even sparred and trained with a Dragon. What was a boar, even a giant one, but a bunch of raw and uncooked pork? Gritting his teeth and steeling himself with determination, Artorius clutched his blade as he patiently stood in wait for the boar to make a move, and for Snow to cripple it in the best way she could.

The first arrow struck home, blinding the beast in one of it's eyes. The massive beast howled and grunted in agony, but it barely slowed it down. If anything, it seemed like it only got more pissed off. The second arrow missed its mark, but still managed to strike the creature in its jaw. Yet, this did little to deter it, and with Artorius being the only other living being in its immediate range of view, it charged at him.

Artorius expected this, but it did little to stop his face from paling and his mouth to dry up in apprehension. However, the man stood his ground, tightening his grip on his sword and doing his best to slow his breathing. Its huge gleaming tusks shone as it lowered its head, intending on skewering or slicing Artorius. Artorius needed to wait for the creature to get close enough, he only had one shot to deal as much damage as he could. He waited as patiently as he could until, at the very last second, his hand moved forward.

"Watch your step," he murmured. "Kemuryu no Zaneiga (Smoke Dragon's Tracing Fang)." A wave of smoke formed on the ground with the boar trampling over it. Then, suddenly the wave of smoke solidified into dozens of blades over twice the height of a man. The dug and buried into the boar's belly, slicing cleanly through, causing terrible lacerations. Yet, the boar had charged with such momentum and ferocity that it was unable to stop. Artorius hadn't counted on that.

Cursing under his breath, Artorius shot his fist out. "Kemuryu no Mori (Smoke Dragon's Harpoon)," he spoke, shooting out a three-pronged spear from his fist. The end of the harpoon dug into the ceiling with a silver wire connected to Artorius' hand. Retracting the wire, Artorius pulled himself upward, just barely avoiding getting his body torn and cut asunder. However, he was unable to pull himself up fast enough, and Artorius found himself with his feet over the boar's head and back. Artorius moved his feet as if he were running until the boar passed, finally smashing its head into the wall behind them.

The cavern trembled and roared, but the sound was muted by the boar's own wrathful cry. It turned its body and made a second charge at Artorius, but this time it had the advantage. Pressing on through its pain and deep wounds that the Dragon Slayer inflicted, the beast made a mad dash for him.

"Shit."
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Inara Serra
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Honesty without tact is cruelty.

Snow watched as the Damn thing charged Artorius. She couldn't put am arrow in the right place, not with him moving around it like that. Instead, she played the huntress, a role she was more than familiar with. She was the embodiment of stillness and patience as she waited. The weird spear thing should have thrown her perhaps, but it didn't. No more than any of his other moves up until that point. She waiting as the ugly creature moved to charge him again, and she took aim. She hit one of its back legs, her arrow piercing through the flea and out the other side making the creature stumble. Even as it attempted to slow down, it found it couldn't. The floor here was too smooth, too slick. It ran headfirst into the nearest wall, it skull connecting with a dull if sickening crunch.

Snow was already moving, her last arrow in hand. Though it had hit its head fairly hard, it hadn't completely killed itself. It was circling, mindless, it's brain nearly crushed but not fully. She too a hop down from her perch and moved quickly, using its own momentum to drive this arrow in into, and out of, it's throat. That was enough to force it to stillness, though there was again sticky hot liquid all over the place. Artorius, being higher up, missed the brunt of it. Snow sighed as she was splattered with blood again, though not quite as badly as from the bear. It just wasn't meant to be a clean hunt.

Though, as she looked at her target, she realized it had been a relatively clean kill. She gathered her arrows out of its body, giving a small sound of joy even as it jerked slightly in its death throes. "We did it! Dead pig! Hah!" In her joy she forgot, of course, that they were still very much underground and that the way out might be slightly longer than the way in had been, though hopefully slightly less hazardous.

Still, that moment of joy was pure. And had Artorius been within reaching distance she might actually have kissed him. Doubtful, but it could happen! Heat of the moment and all that. At the very least she gave him a wide grin, one that spoke of her happiness for a job done and done properly. "Oh I really feel the need for some bacon right now..."She went to gather her bag only to realize her skinning knife was missing, victim to the acid eaten hole in the side of her bag. She gave another sigh. "Shall we carve him up?"
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Mazohyst
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Stay the course.

With Snow slamming her final arrow down and through the creature's throat, the beast attempted to roar its disapproval but found its vocal chords had been horrendously rended and cut asunder. What followed was a pitiable howl with gallons of blood spewing out every orifice on its throat and snout. After the series of terrible wounds Artorius had inflicted on its belly, and then Snow delivering the decisive coup de grace, the creature fell with a hard thud, turning on its side. It twitched and spasmed for several seconds before, finally, it perished.

Artorius' shoulders fell in a slump and he loosened his grip on his sword. A heavy sigh coming from his gut and out of his mouth. The relief washed over him, and his tightly wound body relaxed as the adrenaline washed itself away. A wave of tiredness began to sweep around his feet, rising up throughout his body, but Artorius shook it off, sheathed his sword behind his back, and trudged on despite his exhaustion.

Fighting the boar was hard work. Hell, getting there was even more difficult. They had been battered, choked, poisoned, and generally almost died on at least three different occasions. As much as Artorius was used to a lifestyle of danger and madness, his body always voiced its disapproval when taken out and abused for craziness like this. At the very least, Artorius could feel easy knowing that he hadn't broken any bones, yet.

Now, before they could finally call this day done and over with, they first had to skin and carve this boar up. Artorius examined its tusks and realized that there was simply no bringing its ivory out of this cave, which was a shame as he figured just one of those tusks would be worth at least a million jewels. Shaking his head, he turned back towards Snow and then realized that she was without a knife of any sort. Kneeling beside her, Artorius pulled a knife strapped to the inside of his boot and, after flipping it in his hand so the handle was pointed towards her, handed it to her, as well as a pair of gloves. "Keep it," he spoke with a smile smile before drawing his own knife from its scabbard at his hip.

Whatever moment shared just then was suddenly rendered inert as Artorius went to work, slicing open the hog. There was no way to effectively bleed this thing out as they didn't actually have a way to hang it up anywhere. So, they had to work fast and carefully to avoid other predators that would surely be coming, as well as avoiding infection. At the very least, from the way the pig fell, Artorius was able to dig a quick trench for which the blood to run through, which made it quite a bit easier for them to field dress the pig. Pulling the organs out was busy work, and hard work too, as the pig was massive.

Artorius was after the best cuts for bacon, and thus cut at the belly for some sliced and slab bacon, but he also sought meat on the back for some roast and chop for stew and even dried jerky, the shoulders for sausages, and a few other cuts. Getting a full rack of ribs from this boar was next to impossible as the bones were too large and heavy, so they would have to work around it.

After some time swiftly cutting and chopping up the pork, they filled several waterproof bags. With Snow's own bag rendered useless from the acidic effect of those moths, Artorius jerry-rigged a bag with a wetsuit he carried in his backpack and some zip-ties, with a torn cloth for straps. It was a mess, but it worked surprisingly well.

"Now that's over, we need to find a way out of this cave. I think if we keep moving, we might find an easier way out. I somehow doubt that the boar went through the way we came in."
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Inara Serra
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Honesty without tact is cruelty.

Her joy in the kill was short lived. They still had to find a way out after all, not to mention skinning their kill. And carving it as well. There was no way they were going to be able to get all of it either. That was a shame. The ivory alone was worth a fortune. Artorius handed her a blades and she gave a grin, feeling a sort of kinship with the man in the moment. Of course his suddenly downward stabbing blade and the spurt of fresh blood from one of the things many organs sort of killed that little moment. Not that Snow minded. She and the beast were both growling a little as she put the knife into her side of the pig, looking for the tenderest bits to keep and take away with her. They split the meat fairly well, Artorius rigging up a make-shift bag for her from a wet suit of all things. "Have you got a dimensional pocket in there or something?" She said it with a laugh as he rigged the suit with some zip-ties for her to carry her own decent amount of bacon and other select cuts with her.

Him having a wet suit handy also begged the question of his shirtlessness, but she was hardly one to complain about that, awkward around people or no. So she said nothing on that score, and loaded up on as much meat as her pack could carry, already looking at the thin corridor ahead through which they would have to pass. It seemed likely the pig had been entering and hopefully editing from that side as opposed to the one they had entered through.

She stuck the horrors knife in the top of her own boot, and began moving in the direction they had no choice but to go in. This one seemed to go uphill just a little, and she did so, hoping Artorius was right and there was a way out this way. It seemed unlikely that that he would be wrong, but her body was also wearing out. They had been through Hell to get this damned meat, and she fully intended to live until they made it out the other side. She did give one regretful glance over her shoulder at the rather large amount of left over pig, but there was nothing to be done about it.

Further up, when she had lost sight of the carcass, she found they were near the place they had seen Tusker crossing into several times. The cavern was large, and filled with the smell which indicated it had been used for a long time by animals, a sort of musky odor. Snow made a face. And looked around as best she could in the limited light. It seemed she had been spot on about the female boars, and their piglets. There were several, making getting to the small passage which led up and away from them tricky.

She stepped carefully around their sleeping forms, hoping the scent of blood wouldn't wake them, or draw them. She didn't know how many more fights she could endure today.

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