[Accepted] Luna "Lue" Levierre

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[Accepted] Luna "Lue" Levierre; The beautiful, mysterious musician

Topic Started: May 1 2012, 02:25 PM (847 Views)

MancerNecro

May 1 2012, 02:25 PM Post #1

D-Class

Posts:: 36
Group:: Member
Member: #2,187
Joined:: May 1, 2012

Account Name: MancerNecro

Profile
Name: Luna Levierre
Nickname: Lue
Age: 19
Gender: Female
Height: 1.70 m
Weight: 50.0 kg
Guild: N/A
Class: D
Affiliation: Neutral

Appearance
Physical Description:
Luna is quite thin and is of an average height. She is quite beautiful, leaving a very vivid first impression on most people with her beauty. She also has a slightly pale complexion due to spending more time indoors than outdoors. She is also not very muscular. It is also very obvious with a quick glance that Luna is somewhat of a bookworm.

She has long pale blonde hair that reaches down to her hips. Her hair is usually tied up into intricate designs depending on the type of mood Luna is in. Luna is a heterochromic, with her left eye being an innocent pale blue and her right being a fierce gold. Luna usually has her hair in bangs over one of her eyes, revealing her left eye normally but shifting her hair to reveal her right eye when she is angry or upset.

Luna's nose is not sharp or long, but is slightly small and round. She has a small mouth with slightly thin lips too. Luna also carries herself in a very elegant way, part of which is from the slightly grander part of her life where she was able to make quite a lot of money from her musical performances. Another part of her elegant stance is probably inherited from her mother and comes more from Luna's own thin, slender body.

In addition, Luna has a very small, petite build compared to other girls of her height and age. Luna's normally strong and resilient expression carries her small build well, giving her the look of someone wiser while still managing to look elegant in the type of clothes that Luna usually dresses in.

Clothing:
Luna usually dresses in a long white gown that goes all the way down and covers her feet without touching the floor. The length of the gown is custom-made to that length such that it can cover up Luna's legs but still not trail along the floor and get dirty. There are layers of wool at the hems of the gown at Luna's neck and arms. Luna also has a gold-coloured ribbon tied around her waist, showing off Luna's slimness and body shape in the gown. Luna also wears white heeled slippers, similar to the type that Cinderella lost, just that the material is not glass. These slippers are usually not visible because of the long gown that Luna wears most of the time.

Luna usually wears elegant clothes. These clothes usually are simple in design but can show off Luna's elegance and grandeur easily. Luna prefers to wear clothes that brings out her beauty and image and make her the centre of attention, especially during performances.

Accessories:
Luna might have some ribbons, bands, rings and earrings that she might wear on certain days.

Extra: N/A
Picture: N/A

Personality

En garde!

History

A ruined childhood...

Luna was born in Crocus. Her mother was a musician while her father was a magician who completed missions given by the townspeople for money. While the money made by Luna's parents were not a lot, it was enough for Luna and her family to live in relative comfortability. Luna was happy during that period of time in her childhood.

However, good things came to an end when Luna's father came home one day with one of his hand and leg severed by the bandits he was supposed to slay. Medical attention was immediately given to Luna's father. He survived the incident, but as a result of having lost his arm and leg, gave up on life and started to fall into drinking and gambling away to pass his time. Oftentimes, he would come home extremely drunk and pick fights with Luna and her mother.

Luna's mother had no choice but to work doubly hard in order to support the family. In order to increase the amount of money that she could earn as a musician, Luna's mother collaborated with an inn owner to allow her to perform in his inn for a small amount of income. Life at this stage was hard for Luna and her family. This was especially so for Luna who had to deal with her father's abusive and fierce behavior whenever her mother was not around.

Disaster struck again, though, when Luna's mother collapsed from exhaustion. She fell deeply ill for a few months before succumbing to it and passing away. Her death was a huge blow to Luna who was extremely close with her. Luna collapsed into tears on the day of the funeral and ran away from the home that was now nothing like one.

The innowner, understanding the position that Luna was in, took Luna in as his foster daughter. However, Luna found that nothing, not even the innowner, could replace the void that had already transfixed itself in Luna. Luna was only 4 when her father was disabled and 7 when her mother died.

Wanting to not be a freeloader at the inn, Luna offered to do work for the innowner who declined the offer many times, until Luna offered to play some songs for the customers to the inn. It was during that performance that Luna discovered that she had had her mother's talent and skill in music. Not only that, with a little bit of her father's magical prowess, Luna could enchant the songs that she plays with a mystical aura or create sound bolts that can physically break objects. Luna's heartrending music quickly earned a reputation for itself and more and more people arrived at the inn just to hear the wondrous music that Luna played.

However, before long, Luna turned 18 and took a large step into adulthood. She started becoming a traveling musician, wanting to travel around the world and experience the world for herself while working as a musician to earn money. Each of Luna's performances was well-received and Luna could earn large amounts of money from each performance she made. This allowed Luna to live a lot more comfortably.

Before long, however, a year of this grand lifestyle had already passed.

Weaponry/Equipment
Small Violin - Class D
A small reddish-brown violin of about half a metre in length. It is regularly polished by Luna. The bow for the violin is reddish-brown as well, the same colour as the violin itself and is about 30 centimetres in length.

Small Harp - Class D
The frame of the harp is made from a yellowish alloy of gold. The harp was bought from a renowned instrument merchant by Luna. The harp is about 30 centimetres in height and 40 centimetres in length. It is quite an exquisite piece and Luna hardly uses it because of how valuable it is.

Flute - Class D
Luna's flute was the first instrument she ever had and belonged originally to Luna's mother. It is made from a white marble material and has Levierre inscribed on the back of it (the side without the holes). This is Luna's most used instrument and is the one that Luna is able to play the best. The flute is about 30 centimetres in length.

Stats - 45
Strength: 5
Accuracy: 8
Stamina: 8
Speed: 9
Magic: 15

Earned
Stat Points Earned: 0/0
Arc Points Earned: 0/0
Jewels Earned 200,000/200,000

Sources

Sources

Skills & Disciplines
Playing Musical Instruments
Luna is naturally able to play many kinds of musical instruments well due to her having inherited her mothers' talent as well as having a lot of exposure to different types of instruments throughout her travels in the world. Luna is also able to play very heart warming and heart plucking music without channeling any of her magic into her songs, although she frequently does so to enable the audience to feel what she is feeling through the song.

Magic
Magic Name: Harmonic Symphony
Magic Type: Sound Manipulation/Channeling
Tier of Magic: 1
Rank: 2
Magic Description: Luna is able to manipulate sound waves using her magic prowess. She can also create sound waves by channeling her magic through musical instruments. She can also enchant any sounds in the air to cause different effects to happen to the listener. The things that Luna can do with this magic grow as her Magic Rank grows. At lower levels, Luna can probably only perform low level healing/buffing, such as increasing allies' magic power or strength or minor healing. At higher levels though, Luna is able to do things such as shielding an ally with a shield of sound waves or blast a huge area with a shockwave of sound. The sound waves can also be use to bind or silence enemies (assuming they hit in the first place).

Luna can also perform basic attacks using sound waves that are just intensified sound waves slapping your opponents in the face. At higher ranks, these sound waves would start hitting harder and have some special effects imbued within them.

Techniques: 2/2
Basic Sound Wave Attack - 1
Type: Offensive
Range: [Rank X 10] metres
Effect: This skill is a basic attack using sound waves that are just intensified sound waves slapping your opponents in the face. This skill does not require much chanting or incantation and can be used with just a small amount of magic energy coupled with playing a note or two from the musical instrument which the bolts are channeled from. At higher ranks, these sound waves would start hitting harder. These attacks are about half a metre in length and is a translucent white in colour, making them hard to spot. If the opponents can see or sense these attacks though, then they would be able to dodge. The bolts travel at the same speed as an object would travel at when thrown by an average strength human. Depending on the type of musical instrument though, the nature of the attacks would change and they could be easier or harder to hit with and faster or slower than normal. The characteristics of each bolt only differs by about 10% from that of the normal bolt.

Each cast of the spell can produce multiple bolts of attack. The cooldown only applies after all the bolts created by each spell cast is launched and used up. Not all of the bolts created have to be launched at the same time and bolts can be reserved for future usage. The bolts can last for up to 3 posts before the spell goes on cooldown.

Rank Information

Basic Sound Wave Attack
Rank	Rank Description	Range	Cooldown	Number of Bolts
1	Each attack can be considered to have the effect of a slap to the person by an average human.	10 metres	2 posts	2 per cast
2	Each attack has the effect of a punch by an average human.	20 metres	2 posts	2 per cast
3	Each attack has the effect of minorly bruising the opponent.	30 metres	2 posts	2 per cast
4	Each attack also has the effect of bruising the opponent.	40 metres	2 posts	3 per cast
5	Each attack can hit as hard as a small rock thrown with full force can. If it hits the target on the head, it might cause opponents to be momentarily fazed. Otherwise, the attack can be shrugged off by stronger, sturdier mages.	50 metres	2 posts	3 per cast
6	Each attack can cause the enemy to be slightly winded and possibly distracted by the blast. The attacks now cannot be merely shrugged off by opponents as they pack quite a punch. Weaker mages can be slightly fazed by an attack of this magnitude while stronger mages can resist the effect of each hit a little.	60 metres	3 posts	3 per cast
7	Each attack contains a lot of destructive power. Attacks can now cause slight fracturing or damage to the bones of its targets, although not completely fracturing or breaking the bones. Stronger mages might be able to escape with only a minor sprain from the attack.	70 metres	3 posts	4 per cast
8	Each attack is a solidified blast of sound, applying a strong, blunt force on enemies. The blast can cause some fracturing or disalignment of bones if not defended from. Each attack is unable to directly break the bone though, unless it hits slightly damaged bone or hits at an awkward angle to the bone.	80 metres	3 posts	4 per cast
9	Each attack concussive in nature, being able to knock opponents off balance and wind them slightly. A direct contact with an attack can cause some bones to be broken. The momentum of the blow could also knock the opponent slightly backwards.	90 metres	3 posts	4 per cast
10	The attack can easily take out any average mage in one blow if not defended against. Blasts of such power are dangerous and if cast on too near an enemy, might cause some damage to Luna as well. On hit, the blast explodes, dealing half the damage to any one within a half metre range of the contact.	100 metres	3 posts	5 per cast

Harmonic Song - Requiem - 1
Type: Supportive - Heal
Range: [Rank X 2] metres
Effect: Power of each bolt released from the technique also increases slightly as the technique is Ranked up. With more allies and targets, the number of bolts that would move towards each target is reduced, lowering the effectiveness of the song. Multiple bolts that reach a target can combine their power to enable the healing of slightly larger wounds than what they are able to. The degree of the wounds healed in this manner, however, has to be less than the total degree of wounds that all the bolts can heal in total. Also, these bolts can be interrupted or disrupted by opponents' spells.

Harmonic Song - Requiem produces some green restorative bolts per post that automatically and randomly spread themselves out evenly between any allies, ensuring that each ally receives at least one bolt if there are enough bolts to go around. The bolts home to allies by flowing along floors, walls or furnitures. The bolts fade off after travelling for [Rank X 2] metres. Each bolt is a beam of about 1 metre in length and slide along walls and ground very quickly. Towards the higher levels, the bolts are able to prioritise the more heavily damaged allies while ensuring that each ally receives at least a bolt of Requiem.

Rank Information

Harmonic Song - Requiem
Rank	Rank Description	Range	Number of Bolts	Duration and Cooldown
1	Each bolt of Requiem can heal up a small scrape or cut on the target's body.	2 metres	2 per post	Duration: 1 post Cooldown: 1 post
2	Each bolt of Requiem can heal up a few small scrapes or cuts on the target's body.	4 metres	2 per post	Duration: 1 post Cooldown: 1 post
3	Each bolt of Requiem can heal up a few small cuts on the target's body. Each bolt can also heal up a small non-fatal open wound from which not much bleeding has been caused yet. An extra bolt of Requiem might be needed to replenish the blood lost by the target from the wound if some bleeding has already occurred from the wound.	6 metres	3 per post	Duration: 1 post Cooldown: 1 post
4	Each bolt of Requiem can heal up a few smaller non-fatal open wounds as well as numerous numbers of small scrapes and cuts. Each bolt can also attempt to heal slightly larger wounds, that might cause a slow but continuous bleeding. One bolt of Requiem will definitely be needed to replenish any blood lost from the bleeding wound.	8 metres	3 per post	Duration: 2 posts Cooldown: 2 posts
5	Each bolt of Requiem can heal up a few non-fatal open wounds. Each bolt can heal up all scrapes, cuts and bruises that a person has obtained if they are all not too serious or too numerous.	10 metres	4 per post	Duration: 2 posts Cooldown: 2 posts
6	Each bolt of Requiem can heal up a few non-fatal open wounds. Each bolt can also attempt to heal larger wounds and more severe wounds that have a continuous bleeding. Each bolt can also attempt to heal some smaller stab wounds as long as they are not fatal and does not bleed too profusely. At least one or two more bolts would be needed to replenish the blood lost from these wounds.	12 metres	4 per post	Duration: 2 posts Cooldown: 2 posts
7	Each bolt of Requiem can heal up numerous small non-fatal open wounds. Each bolt of Requiem can also attempt to heal some larger stab wounds that might be bleeding slightly faster than normal. A bolt of Requiem would be needed to replace blood lost from these wounds.	14 metres	5 per post	Duration: 3 posts Cooldown: 3 posts
8	Each bolt can heal up numerous non-fatal open wounds, including some smaller, non-fatal stab wounds. Larger, non-fatal wounds from which profuse bleeding is occuring can also be healed. At least two extra bolts of Requiem is needed to replenish the blood lost from such a large wound.	16 metres	5 per post	Duration: 3 posts Cooldown: 3 posts
9	Each bolt can, on its own, heal up several non-fatal open wounds that are bleeding profusely. Each bolt can also attempt to heal up some larger wounds, although, depending on the size of the wound, 2 or more bolts might be required to completely heal them. Bolts of Requiem are also needed to replenish the blood lost from these wounds. More bolts of Requiem are needed the more blood has been lost. Amputated or lost body parts cannot be replaced by Requiem.	18 metres	6 per post	Duration: 3 posts Cooldown: 3 posts
10	Each bolt can now attempt to heal up some fatal wounds, although, depending on the fatality of the wound and how late the healing is done, at least 3 or more bolts of Requiem might be required to heal up that wound and another 1 bolt to refresh the person from the effects of that wound. Extra bolts of Requiem are needed to replenish the blood lost by the targets from the wounds that are healed. The more blood has been lost, the more bolts of Requiem needed. Targets who are already dying will not have their wounds healed by Requiem, as magic cannot replace the lost life or soul of a person. Amputated or lost body parts cannot be replaced by Requiem.	20 metres	6 per post	Duration: 4 posts Cooldown: 4 posts

Edited by Cloud, Jun 30 2012, 07:56 AM.

神 Cloud

May 1 2012, 04:45 PM Post #2

Who you calling chocobo head...

Posts:: 5,856
Group:: Administrators
Member: #445
Joined:: Dec 27, 2010

Just post in here once this is done (and not before) so staff know to check it.

MancerNecro

May 2 2012, 01:32 PM Post #3

D-Class

Posts:: 36
Group:: Member
Member: #2,187
Joined:: May 1, 2012

Completed and ready to be graded! Sorry about posting this early, but I heard that if I could complete this within one day I could post an incomplete one here.

MancerNecro

May 2 2012, 03:14 PM Post #4

D-Class

Posts:: 36
Group:: Member
Member: #2,187
Joined:: May 1, 2012

To be of note is that I have PMed Tenken regarding some issues on the magic section so that part would be pending for now, since Tenken has told me on the cbox to alter the magic segment. I'll make another post in here when the magic segment is updated. Also, I need to make some edits too.

神 Cloud

May 3 2012, 06:44 AM Post #5

Who you calling chocobo head...

Posts:: 5,856
Group:: Administrators
Member: #445
Joined:: Dec 27, 2010

Just posting in here so that when you post, well, we actually know to check. :P

Post in here once it's ready for critique again.

MancerNecro

May 3 2012, 11:07 AM Post #6

D-Class

Posts:: 36
Group:: Member
Member: #2,187
Joined:: May 1, 2012

Character profile done again. Hope it passes and meets all of the guidelines now.

神 Cloud

May 3 2012, 11:22 AM Post #7

Who you calling chocobo head...

Posts:: 5,856
Group:: Administrators
Member: #445
Joined:: Dec 27, 2010

- You can take the completed out of the title topic if you wish, [Accepted][COMPLETED] will probably look awkward. :P
- Similarly, you don't have too, but, I'd made the topic subtitle something that will be useful for months to come when looking through archives or linking it.
- Use a me tag, don't link your account name. We ask for a me tag to be used because then it will automatically update your account name if you change it.
- The appearance section is very spaced out. It's not a problem per say, just, hard to read.
- Same with personality and history.
- History should be in a spoiler tag.
- All equipment needs a Class, in this case Class D.
- Not a problem, but, I would read the stat rules again, and just remember how low 5 strength is.
- Skills and Disciplines is also overly spaced out.
- ...Your magic description is really long, which is normally fine, but, your magic description should be in prose, and, consisting of descriptive language, with no discussion of rules. Instead, an entire overview of your magic should be included, with examples of what it can and cannot do, without going into rules information.

Edited by Cloud, May 3 2012, 11:25 AM.

MancerNecro

May 3 2012, 11:44 AM Post #8

D-Class

Posts:: 36
Group:: Member
Member: #2,187
Joined:: May 1, 2012

Cloud
May 3 2012, 11:22 AM
- You can take the completed out of the title topic if you wish, [Accepted][COMPLETED] will probably look awkward. :P
- Similarly, you don't have too, but, I'd made the topic subtitle something that will be useful for months to come when looking through archives or linking it.
- Use a me tag, don't link your account name. We ask for a me tag to be used because then it will automatically update your account name if you change it.
- The appearance section is very spaced out. It's not a problem per say, just, hard to read.
- Same with personality and history.
- History should be in a spoiler tag.
- All equipment needs a Class, in this case Class D.
- Not a problem, but, I would read the stat rules again, and just remember how low 5 strength is.
- Skills and Disciplines is also overly spaced out.
- ...Your magic description is really long, which is normally fine, but, your magic description should be in prose, and, consisting of descriptive language, with no discussion of rules. Instead, an entire overview of your magic should be included, with examples of what it can and cannot do, without going into rules information.

Done, I've made the changes. Please see if they're fine now.

I'm okay with the Strength being low though, as I'm making Luna that strong physically, but probably growing stronger over time RPing (by adding SP there). I think that 5 is enough for normal day to day activities? I asked someone else on the cbox and he said 5 was okay for the Strength stat.

神 Cloud

May 4 2012, 08:37 AM Post #9

Who you calling chocobo head...

Posts:: 5,856
Group:: Administrators
Member: #445
Joined:: Dec 27, 2010

- Personality could be a bit longer.
- All the magic like effects / magic information on your instruments, should be under magic or part of techniques. The instruments in themselves can't deal any damage no matter how you play them, at least not D Class ones.
- Harmonic Song - Requiem, the travel range is shorter than the targetting range? In anycase, both are too long. Also, what does getting hit by the bolts do, even feel like? I know they're restoritive, but, that's incredible vague. What degree of wounds are restoried, etc.

Sorry for the short critique, I need to go now.

MancerNecro

May 6 2012, 12:22 PM Post #10

D-Class

Posts:: 36
Group:: Member
Member: #2,187
Joined:: May 1, 2012

Editted to add in the changes. Awaiting acceptance again now.

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