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[Accepted] [Edited]King gilgamesh XVI; 2nd approval
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Topic Started: Jun 28 2011, 08:32 PM (4,744 Views)
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Kawaii
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Jul 18 2011, 09:05 PM
Post #11
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- Cloud
- Jul 18 2011, 04:32 AM
"I made a game i played you, you died..Game over" - Doesn't make sense. "Such immature class human like you doesn't deserve to exist" - Doesn't make sense. ''Cause I am the game and I want you play! " -Doesn't make sense. - The information at the beginning or your profile, and the information in your physical description don't match up, namely, the height and weight. From history chapter 2; "Whenever his father gives him new pets he murders them with a dagger kill" - Doesn't make sense. - The "none yet" at the end of the chapter seems out of place. - The length for Golden Glory still doesn't state if it's total length or not in the actual description, and the number as written makes no sense. - You should make it clear that the claws may be used to stab as well as slash, and the length should be mentioned. - You completely ignored me on the bow. - You need to mention how many arrows you have, and do you carry them in a quiver of some sorts? - You completely missed my point on the guns. Your guns are too good for Class D weapons. - The last bit of your magic description, "he buys if its not a magical weapon then a special move cannot be done." What do you mean by this? All your D Class equipment is non-magical too... - The effect and rank information for golden retribution...need to be fixed. done all you requested!
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御 Cloud
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Jul 19 2011, 05:50 AM
Post #12
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Who you calling chocobo head...
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"" "I made a game i played you, you died..Game over" - Doesn't make sense. "Such immature class human like you doesn't deserve to exist" - Doesn't make sense. ''Cause I am the game and I want you play! " -Doesn't make sense. ""
- Still don't make sense.
- For physical description...5' 8" isn't particularly tall for a 23yr old white male. - The 'none yet' at the end of chapter 2 in your history is still floating their randomly. - For Golden Glory; "2 2' 8" ft long" is Two Two feet Eight inches feet. It makes no sense as a measurement, and you need to edit into that post it's the total length. - For the quiver I think you mean 10" in circumference. - You didn't need to delete the guns...but okay, your choice. - Once more: - The last bit of your magic description, "he buys if its not a magical weapon then a special move cannot be done." What do you mean by this? All your D Class equipment is non-magical too... - Delete "If the lance strikes and hits something during performance of this move." and all the rank information for Golden Retribution, and please ask another mod to check this, and only after you actually make all the changes.
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Kawaii
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Jul 21 2011, 03:15 PM
Post #13
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Done all ..................
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御 talon
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Jul 22 2011, 12:37 PM
Post #14
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Kingdom's Wrath -1 Type: Offensive Range: 5m Effect:
The caster holds his lance and raises it towards the sky, charging energy as he points the lance towards the enemy for a direct strike with a red energy wave(Darkness element) stretching outward. This wave spins around in circular motions as it goes onward, until it makes impact. The width of this wave varies till up to 3 inches. It feels like a hard punch from a normal human. It will explode on impact.
So this only works for the lance weapon or any weapon you wield?
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Kawaii
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Jul 22 2011, 02:02 PM
Post #15
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- talon
- Jul 22 2011, 12:37 PM
- Quote:
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Kingdom's Wrath -1 Type: Offensive Range: 5m Effect:
The caster holds his lance and raises it towards the sky, charging energy as he points the lance towards the enemy for a direct strike with a red energy wave(Darkness element) stretching outward. This wave spins around in circular motions as it goes onward, until it makes impact. The width of this wave varies till up to 3 inches. It feels like a hard punch from a normal human. It will explode on impact.
So this only works for the lance weapon or any weapon you wield? yea....
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栄 Cryool
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Jul 22 2011, 04:25 PM
Post #16
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ᕙ( ̎ᑒ ̎ )ᕗ 9th Level Ex-Moderator ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ
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o3o~ Kingdom's Wrath - Cooldown needed - Strength of explosion needed
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Kawaii
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Jul 22 2011, 04:42 PM
Post #17
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- Cryo8D
- Jul 22 2011, 04:25 PM
o3o~ Kingdom's Wrath - Cooldown needed - Strength of explosion needed done
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御 Cloud
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Jul 23 2011, 06:32 AM
Post #18
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Who you calling chocobo head...
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Partial New Code [spoiler=Themes][spoiler=Main Theme][flash=250,210]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRJ6UY0jzos[/flash][/spoiler][spoiler=Insanity Theme][flash=250,210]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4T7FlxbO50Y&feature=BFa&list=PL9A9E28EAF339DF18&index=5[/flash][/spoiler][spoiler=Serious Theme][flash=250,210]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PLrxT8Vu978[/flash][/spoiler][spoiler=Battle Theme][flash=250,210]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RAd9rOO2KMU&feature=list_related&playnext=1&list=PLF9496A6F962B4949[/flash][/spoiler][spoiler=Loneliness Theme][flash=250,210]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1QfdrbTiX8&feature=BFa&list=PL9A9E28EAF339DF18&index=8[/flash][/spoiler][/spoiler]
[b]Account Name:[/b] [me] [hr] [b]Name:[/b] King Gilgamesh XVI [b]Nickname:[/b] "The King of Kings" "King" "The Game" "Gilgamesh" "G-quip" [b]Age:[/b] 17 [b]Gender:[/b] Male [b]Height:[/b] 5'8” (173cm) [b]Weight:[/b] 150 lbs. (68.2kg) [b]Guild:[/b] N/A [b]Class:[/b] D [b]Affiliation:[/b] Lawful Evil (Dark) [b]Quote:[/b] [i]"I can wipe a whole kingdom out!"[/i]
[b]Physical Description:[/b] Gilgamesh’s body is muscular and fit; a 6 pack visible on his abs. He has little to no hair on his face, legs, arms and chest. He is about 5'8 “(173cm) tall and weighs around 150 lbs. (68.2kg). His face is rather well constructed with a strong appearance, made up of a small nose, and eyes that are a burning red. His hair is short and golden in colour and while brushed backwards still carries a lush silky feel to it. As his body is rather well kept he has clean skin and good looking nails, his skin tone being a little whiter than the usual but in still very smooth and even. [b]Clothing:[/b] Gilgamesh wears on top a white, long sleeved button up shirt and a dark grey zip up jacket with a white line running from the collar to the end of the sleeves. On the bottom, he wears a pair of long, dark grey slacks and a belt with shiny buckle, then a pair of black, polished leather shoes. Underneath he has a tank shirt and black boxer shorts. He has long black socks which are about 1meter long. He sometimes wears fingerless gloves; for punching people or whatever else they might be needed for.
[b]Accessories:[/b] [spoiler=earings][img]http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20081204003057/typemoon/images/0/0f/Mug_Archer(Gilgamesh).JPG[/img][/spoiler]He has two golden earrings that measure about 1 inch, with a rectangular shape.
[spoiler=gloves][img]http://beyondthebewilderness.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/GL2090-FINGERLESS-GLOVES-WITH-GEL-AND-AIRHOLES-14.95.jpg[/img] [img]http://i2.listal.com/image/1054979/500full.jpg[/img][/spoiler]He carries around two pairs of gloves, black fingerless gloves, and white gloves.
[b]Extra:[/b] [b]Picture:[/b] [spoiler=face][img]http://i186.photobucket.com/albums/x51/drummer_a13/ZeroGilgamesh.jpg[/img] [/spoiler]
[u]Personality[/u] He has the habit of conducting in a battle whenever he wants to. He loves the sound of chaos pointing at the people who might die or get hurt. He is a machochist and a self proclaimed king and god. He thinks he's better and greater than anyone and everyone else around him. His pride conquers all and he calls himself a king and everyone below him his servants. A very disrespectful guy but he only respects those who possess greater power than he has. He doesn't care about weaklings and he points at everyone and calls them weak. He told himself he is a golden standard.When he speaks he always rise and eyebrow and disrespects a person and he always praises himself as a king. When he talks he always says that he's the king and people should bow down to him. He gives respect to masters or higher ranks than himself because he is afraid to lose. But, when he fails he tries again and again to pass. He is a narcissistic man and he loves his body and himself, also he loves acting like a king. He smiles because of the joy of evilness, blood and violence make this man happy.he has an unique laughter style saying ´´Uheeheehee´´ or ´´Uhahahah´´. He also has a weird way of walking (he does big steps with his legs wide spread or sometimes he walks straight when feels he wants to).He has a violent nature, as he gets excited over seeing people dying.
[u]History[/u] [spoiler=history] [spoiler=chapter 1:Childhood]When king was a child he dreamed of being the king of the world conquering all worlds all place and planets in a very young age his father thought him kung fu, swordsmanship, and archery. He never had a fun he never knew the outside world he never knew anything outside the mansion of his family. Gold jewels his family has but he doesn't care he wanted to explore but his father never allowed him to because it’s dangerous on the outside world. He went fishing inside their house have friends from different rich families but king never cared as a child he orders novels Violent kind of one "The one who named king" was the title he loved the main character because it reflects true him The main character is a king of a land that whose so ruthless and merciless to the towns people and he the main character end dying as the novel says the was much bloods and death which later he got addicted for such violence.[/spoiler] [spoiler=chapter 2:teenage] Years have past now king is corrupted he loves killing and violence he like playing games his kind of games when human has to die He nicknamed "The Game “he likes mazes of death that he designed he is the player through the dangerous parts of the maze but instead of being hurt he likes it Whenever his father gave him a new pet, he stabbed them with a dagger, killing them. He had no respect to everyone even his father as these things go on he trains on doing the three things his father thought him boxing, swordsmanship, and archery. Whenever a friend from another family comes he plays with him with real blades injuring his friends and being extremely violent to all. One night he had a dream of an angel saying he should not be like this. He wanted a woman his father gave him someone to marry to when to he loved that girl for all he had change for that girl but it end the girl was being payed by his father he cried and became so stained that moment on his corruptness went on he calls himself the king of kings like the character from his favourite novel so violent and merciless. none yet [/spoiler] [spoiler=chapter 3:Free]He grew up and wanted to live his place but his father forbids him as always e was mad kept on saying "the king should not be treated like this “He grinned and laughed all they long on his room, One day He decided to burn the mansion all his father’s property. He burned his house and all the people on it was including his family and servants. He left the place with a boom the mansion exploded because of the dynamites that he planted he smiled and said "Boom!"He conducted as each of the dynamites exploded "The king is enjoying this violent view" he said. he gone out of the mansion and lived in an outside world with no relatives he only carried a shirt, jacket and shoes that he is wearing he only has a one outfit everyday but he trained all day long. He saw a man named zu-koi long which he idolized from his armour Ex-quips and zo-koi long became his master and thought him the basics of it, as Kings pride take over by he thinks his great enough he poisoned his master and spitted at him saying that "In a world of game I am the best because I am “THE KING “He later travelled to the destination Acacia he lived there on the streets watching people by he heard of the guild named Grimoire Heart Guild he told himself I will be a member of that guild someday.[/spoiler][/spoiler]
Within the above spoiler is everything before weaponry/equipment formatted, and everything before personality edited for grammar. Do NOT copy that over your entire profile or you will lose everything from Equipment down.
- You are allowed a technique like Kingdom's Wrath, however, you'll need to update your magic description to show why you should be allowed a technique like that. Saying you can perform special moves is too vague.
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Kawaii
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Jul 23 2011, 07:46 AM
Post #19
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removed the -kingdom slayer armor -kingdom's knight lance -kingdom's wrath
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御 Cloud
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Jul 24 2011, 05:13 AM
Post #20
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Who you calling chocobo head...
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Removing that technique does not get you out of having to give us a proper magic description.
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