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[Accepted] [Edited]King gilgamesh XVI; 2nd approval
Topic Started: Jun 28 2011, 08:32 PM (4,744 Views)
Kawaii
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Cloud
Jul 18 2011, 04:32 AM
"I made a game i played you, you died..Game over" - Doesn't make sense.
"Such immature class human like you doesn't deserve to exist" - Doesn't make sense.
''Cause I am the game and I want you play! " -Doesn't make sense.
- The information at the beginning or your profile, and the information in your physical description don't match up, namely, the height and weight.
From history chapter 2; "Whenever his father gives him new pets he murders them with a dagger kill" - Doesn't make sense.
- The "none yet" at the end of the chapter seems out of place.
- The length for Golden Glory still doesn't state if it's total length or not in the actual description, and the number as written makes no sense.
- You should make it clear that the claws may be used to stab as well as slash, and the length should be mentioned.
- You completely ignored me on the bow.
- You need to mention how many arrows you have, and do you carry them in a quiver of some sorts?
- You completely missed my point on the guns. Your guns are too good for Class D weapons.
- The last bit of your magic description, "he buys if its not a magical weapon then a special move cannot be done." What do you mean by this? All your D Class equipment is non-magical too...
- The effect and rank information for golden retribution...need to be fixed.
:wink: done all you requested!
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Cloud
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Who you calling chocobo head...

"" "I made a game i played you, you died..Game over" - Doesn't make sense.
"Such immature class human like you doesn't deserve to exist" - Doesn't make sense.
''Cause I am the game and I want you play! " -Doesn't make sense. ""

- Still don't make sense.

- For physical description...5' 8" isn't particularly tall for a 23yr old white male.
- The 'none yet' at the end of chapter 2 in your history is still floating their randomly.
- For Golden Glory; "2 2' 8" ft long" is Two Two feet Eight inches feet. It makes no sense as a measurement, and you need to edit into that post it's the total length.
- For the quiver I think you mean 10" in circumference.
- You didn't need to delete the guns...but okay, your choice.
- Once more: - The last bit of your magic description, "he buys if its not a magical weapon then a special move cannot be done." What do you mean by this? All your D Class equipment is non-magical too...
- Delete "If the lance strikes and hits something during performance of this move." and all the rank information for Golden Retribution, and please ask another mod to check this, and only after you actually make all the changes.
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Kawaii
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Done all ..................
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talon
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Quote:
 
Kingdom's Wrath -1
Type: Offensive
Range: 5m
Effect:

The caster holds his lance and raises it towards the sky, charging energy as he points the lance towards the enemy for a direct strike with a red energy wave(Darkness element) stretching outward. This wave spins around in circular motions as it goes onward, until it makes impact. The width of this wave varies till up to 3 inches. It feels like a hard punch from a normal human. It will explode on impact.

So this only works for the lance weapon or any weapon you wield?
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Kawaii
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talon
Jul 22 2011, 12:37 PM
Quote:
 
Kingdom's Wrath -1
Type: Offensive
Range: 5m
Effect:

The caster holds his lance and raises it towards the sky, charging energy as he points the lance towards the enemy for a direct strike with a red energy wave(Darkness element) stretching outward. This wave spins around in circular motions as it goes onward, until it makes impact. The width of this wave varies till up to 3 inches. It feels like a hard punch from a normal human. It will explode on impact.

So this only works for the lance weapon or any weapon you wield?
yea....
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Cryool
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ᕙ( ̎ᑒ ̎ )ᕗ 9th Level Ex-Moderator ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

o3o~ Kingdom's Wrath
- Cooldown needed
- Strength of explosion needed
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Kawaii
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Cryo8D
Jul 22 2011, 04:25 PM
o3o~ Kingdom's Wrath
- Cooldown needed
- Strength of explosion needed
done
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Cloud
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Who you calling chocobo head...

Partial New Code


Within the above spoiler is everything before weaponry/equipment formatted, and everything before personality edited for grammar. Do NOT copy that over your entire profile or you will lose everything from Equipment down.

- You are allowed a technique like Kingdom's Wrath, however, you'll need to update your magic description to show why you should be allowed a technique like that. Saying you can perform special moves is too vague.
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Kawaii
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removed the
-kingdom slayer armor
-kingdom's knight lance
-kingdom's wrath
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Cloud
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Who you calling chocobo head...

Removing that technique does not get you out of having to give us a proper magic description.
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