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eevee
Topic Started: July 5 2009, 01:19 PM (857 Views)
axel
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allstar(ran out of stuff to say)
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Here's the link to the new Steeleon: <a href="http://s644.photobucket.com/albums/uu168/axel_14/?action=view&current=Steeleon_.png" target="_blank"><img src="http://i644.photobucket.com/albums/uu168/axel_14/Steeleon_.png" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>

I think it's way way way way better. It's actually good, first of all.

(Tell me if the link doesn't work, I don't really know how to it)
Edited by axel, July 16 2009, 10:08 AM.
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++MasterBall++
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It doesn't.
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axel
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allstar(ran out of stuff to say)
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Ok, well I'll post them later.
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axel
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Well, I see Z already got it. Anyways, here's the entry (By the way, I was wrong, all dex entries don't include the pokemon's name, except for some, meaning it doesn't have too, and maybe shouldn't)

It is completely made of metal. The metal it is made of can change when the pokemon makes contact with another metal.

It's not perfect, but it's good. It's just that I didn't know how to put the idea into words, without repeating metal. So, a little help please.
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++MasterBall++
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Metal is repeated too many times. How about this....

The Pokemon's body is purly metal. It changes color when it comes in contact with other metals.
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axel
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It's great, though I ment the metal changes and not only the color.
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++MasterBall++
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Oh. Okay then:

It is purly metal. When it comes in contact with different metals, the Pokemon undergoes a minor transformation of the metal that makes up it's body.
Edited by MasterBall, July 17 2009, 04:49 PM.
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axel
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allstar(ran out of stuff to say)
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...undergrows a complete transformation...

I know it's the opposite, but now I think it's perfect, it's exactly what I wanted. Good job MB.
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martinzelda
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I guess you didn't see that but, in BOTH entries there are 3 "metal"s. Didn't you think it was to much the first time?

I don't know if you were thinking of it as this, but maybe say "...When it comes in contact with other steel types,...
Edited by martinzelda, July 17 2009, 05:59 PM.
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axel
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I don't know, each metal types are included in all metals, so I think's it's all good ad it is.
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martinzelda
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Well you said there was too much with three metals in it, and it still has. Stell types would be a better choice of words.
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