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She Got Junk in Her Trunk; When Booty Meets Bootay
Topic Started: Jan 9 2017, 12:43 PM (833 Views)
Doctor Magnus Warlock
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St. Louis Woman Gets Busted at IKEA With an Ass-Load of Pan
Posted By Danny Wicentowski on Thu, Jan 5, 2017 at 6:36 am

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In the criminal justice system, shoplifting crimes aren't considered especially heinous. But try telling that to the poor IKEA cooking pan that was forced to endure the sweaty backside of a woman's leggings last week.

The caper — captured on the video below — ended with Sierra Coleman, 28, restrained in the IKEA parking lot by two incredulous loss-prevention officers, one of whom rebuffed the thief's angry defenses by noting, quite reasonably, "You have IKEA property in your pants."


Indeed, as Coleman struggled to break free of her captors, the curved outline of the pan was entirely visible through the pair of gray leggings — dare we say, a poor choice of shoplifting apparel? — and the handle of the pan stuck straight up from her waistband like the periscope of a non-stick submarine.


According to a probable cause report, St. Louis police had been called to the furniture megastore shortly before 7 p.m. on December 30. Coleman, a resident of the 6000 block of Washington Avenue, was accused by security officers of using a bag to conceal bed sheets and a pan before making a beeline for the exit, bypassing the whole exchanging-money-for-goods thing.

A male security guard attempted to stop the shoplifter from making a getaway, at which point Coleman allegedly bit him in the arm.

What the probable cause report doesn't explain, however, is how the innocent pan — possibly an Oumbärlig or Trovärdig — wound up shoved deep into the recesses of this woman's pants.

Perhaps some things are best left a mystery.

Regardless, the Facebook Live video of the pan-smuggling thief has gone viral since it was posted Friday night, several hours after the cops took Coleman away. ("Is that a pie in the back of your pants?" the camera woman taunts in the video, before assuring an IKEA security guide she's not, in fact, recording video.)

We should note that "Dani Rosemary," the Facebook handle of the person who shared the video, is not the person who actually took the video. In a Facebook message, Rosemary told Riverfront Times that she downloaded and shared the video after it was posted and deleted by a different source.

One day after her arrest, Coleman paid 10 percent of a $5,000 bail and is now facing two Class A misdemeanors for theft under $500 and assault in the third degree.

The news gets worse for Coleman. According to online court records, she already had three outstanding warrants stemming from 2008, and now she has to contend with three felony charges — two for forgery, one for passing a bad check.

Cue the part in Law & Order where Detective Briscoe gives his partner a knowing glance. "Looks like this one won't be cooking dinner any time soon," he quips.

And, scene.

Follow Danny Wicentowski on Twitter at @D_Towski. E-mail the author at Danny.Wicentowski@RiverfrontTimes.com




http://www.riverfronttimes.com/newsblog/2017/01/05/st-louis-woman-gets-busted-at-ikea-with-an-ass-load-of-pan
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Doctor Magnus Warlock
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Here is the video.

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Doctor Magnus Warlock
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IKEA employees stop St. Louis shoplifter with ‘pan in the pants’
POSTED 3:12 PM, JANUARY 5, 2017, BY JOE MILLITZER, UPDATED AT 03:31PM, JANUARY 5, 2017

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ST. LOUIS, MO (KTVI) – A stranger recorded an unusual incident in the St. Louis IKEA parking lot. She came across Sierra Coleman, 28, being restrained by two loss prevention officers. Coleman had a frying pan sticking out of the backside of her leggings and was not going to be taken in without a struggle.

“It is a misdemeanor,” Coleman yells in the video. “Only $30 dollars!”

The loss prevention officer notes, at one point, “You have IKEA property in your pants.”

Yes, the outline of a premium piece of cookware is clearly visible through the suspect’s pants. Possibly a poor wardrobe choice for shoplifting.

Coleman argues with the two IKEA employees as they restrain her. The woman recording the video tells Coleman to calm down. She says she may also face assault charges because she keeps grabbing them.

“She already got one. She scratched me and bit someone else,” said the female loss prevention officer.

Coleman eventually removes the pan from her pants. It clangs on the ground. She goes back to the store with the two IKEA employees, presumably to wait for police.

Police say in a charging document that employees saw Coleman put bed sheets in a bag and then walked out of the store without paying. When an IKEA security officer attempted to stop her, she bit his arm. It is unclear how the pan ended up in her pants. The Circuit Attorney of the City of St. Louis says that she faces two misdemeanors for theft and one charge of assault.

The video of the unusual shoplifting bust went viral. A woman named, Dani Rosemary, posted it to her account. She says that the person who posted the original video deleted it. She doesn’t know who they are. The clip was then picked up by pages like MediaTakeOut and has been seen by millions of Facebook fans.



http://fox2now.com/2017/01/05/ikea-employees-stop-st-louis-shoplifter-with-pan-in-the-pants/
Edited by Doctor Magnus Warlock, Jan 9 2017, 12:49 PM.
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Doctor Magnus Warlock
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All jokes aside, I am not even sure why the LP folks went above & beyond what they did. If anything, this was harmless theft, that could have turned violent.

Just report the theft, and call the police.

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This Hoodrat Getting Caught Shoplifting At Stoughton IKEA Because She Stuffed A Frying Pan In Her Ass, While Wearing Leggings, Is The Funniest Thing You’ll See All Day

ALL-STAR CRIMINALS
POSTED ON JANUARY 6, 2017 • UPDATED JANUARY 6, 2017 —BY SOUTH SHORE TURTLEGIRL

This caught my eye yesterday.

Seems some Nelly “boots wit da fuuuuur” extra, named Sierra Coleman, got nabbed by a rather large IKEA loss prevention associate at the Stoughton IKEA. Coleman has the bright idea to try a lift a premium piece of Swedish cookware down the back of her pants.

The only problem was that she was wearing the tightest pair of leggings we’ve ever seen.

Frying Pan + Hoodrat + Leggings + Stealing = Hilarity. Watch it here:



She got bagged for being a moron and started to fight back with security in the middle of the parking lot. I guess she would be considered a pan in the ass?

Anyways, bad jokes aside, some bystander started recording and it might be the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. The thought process she must have had thinking this was a good idea just kills me.

“I need me a fryin’ pan but I ain’t gonna spend $30 for it. It fits the curvature of my booty. I’m gonna stick it down da back uh my leggings. Yeah, snug. Ain’t no one gonna ‘spect nuffin.”

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Her genius idea left Al Borlin and Carnie Wilson-Blart, from IKEA Loss Prevention, having to huff and puff to catch her. She apparently bit and scratched them so a guy in plaid had to restrain her.

Coleman, who has her arms behind her back, starts screaming that she’s pregnant while the gravydumper security officer is telling her to “let go of her shirt.” Onlookers try to tell the criminal that she should just play nice because it’s an only a $30 frying pan.

“It’s only a misdemeanor,” she screams, with her whale tail and frying pan hanging out of her ass.

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Let’s give Coleman the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she was just trying to get the pan seasoned. We all know that a well-seasoned pan brings out the natural flavor in food. Maybe she was using some of that booty grease to get a jump start? Assential oils, if you will.

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Then, our law expert slophound security officer starts barking at the camera lady that it’s illegal to film her without her consent. Nah, it’s not. Just because you took a computer course in the break room, while stuffing your face with delectable meatballs, doesn’t mean you know dick about legalities. You’re probably unemployed as we speak.

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Then, Coleman’s grandmother, who looks about 30, starts screaming about how Coleman has the keys to the car with the kids in it. Of course they are. OF COURSE.

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The whole crew stands around arguing because Coleman has a hold of the beastly security officer’s shirt. We get a peek at her flabjacks at one point.

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“You are ruining my shirt. You will be charged for the price of this shirt as well,” security beast says. I think she’s just spewing anything to sound authoritative at this point. Go back to wolfing meatballs, please.

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“You’ll be charged with the price of my baby,” Coleman yells while holding on to the pan in her butt.

Come on. Aren’t we already paying for the baby? Let’s be serious now. “Daddy” is our tax dollars.

At some point, the two IKEA workers end up lifting Coleman up by the back her restrained arms, and she pulls the frying pan out of her ass. It clatters on the ground.

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Now, I spent a bit of time in retail, like most of us did, in my younger days. I know damn well that this whole thing is going to get Carnie Wilson-Blart and Al Borlin fired. You don’t put your hands on a suspect, regardless of how ratchet, because it opens up a whole can of lawsuits. It doesn’t matter what they took. You try and talk them back in the store, and if they run, you call the cops. This video is one giant fail.

After I watched this trainwreck I noticed that this whole thing went down outside. I’ve been to the Stoughton IKEA about a billion times. It has a covered parking garage behind the store. Turns out that the whole thing happened in Saint Louis and whoever reshared the video decided to pick Stoughton of all places as the landmark.



http://turtleboysports.com/this-hoodrat-getting-caught-shoplifting-at-stoughton-ikea-because-she-stuffed-a-frying-pan-in-her-ass-while-wearing-leggings-is-the-funniest-thing-youll-see-all-day/
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reddgirl64

She must be a darkie like Blaxxx..

They are some of the dumbest criminals ever!!!

and this gem,

Quote:
 
Coleman’s grandmother, who looks about 30, starts screaming about how Coleman has the keys to the car with the kids in it. Of course they are. OF COURSE


Well, she looks young :D , and shoplifting is not of any importance!!

I wonder if her original intent was to steal a 'pan', or was it just convenient?

One thing ringing true about this incident, those two security guards will likely lose their jobs.

Edited by reddgirl64, Jan 9 2017, 02:46 PM.
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U Thant
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reddgirl64
Jan 9 2017, 02:46 PM
She must be a darkie
That's a pre-req for Doc Saul Santiago the White HISP, cop, to even present this story.
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Zechariah
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Zechariah
reddgirl64
Jan 9 2017, 02:46 PM
She must be a darkie like Blaxxx..

They are some of the dumbest criminals ever!!!

and this gem,

Quote:
 
Coleman’s grandmother, who looks about 30, starts screaming about how Coleman has the keys to the car with the kids in it. Of course they are. OF COURSE


Well, she looks young :D , and shoplifting is not of any importance!!

I wonder if her original intent was to steal a 'pan', or was it just convenient?

One thing ringing true about this incident, those two security guards will likely lose their jobs.

She's a reason that people think all Negros are thieves.
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Doctor Magnus Warlock
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Who would want to use that pan now?

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reddgirl64

Ethos Logos Pathos
Jan 9 2017, 06:49 PM
reddgirl64
Jan 9 2017, 02:46 PM
She must be a darkie
That's a pre-req for Doc Saul Santiago the White HISP, cop, to even present this story.

Quote:
 
She must be a darkie like Blaxxx..


Criminals and their ilk.

Criminal darkie's like you, are dumb, short, vile, stupid and for some reason, come with a slew of kids :blink:

Explain to us in some detail, why your kind, would bring the kids on this shopping excursion?

And why is the grandmother there?

Give us some insight into your minds to help better understand.. :-/

Maybe we can donate pans to you or buy them for you, but why do yall go to this extreme and steal, with your granny and kids there?

Go Blaxxx..
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Doctor Magnus Warlock
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Worse than bringing kids, she claimed she was pregnant!!!

Provided she was telling the truth, why would she endanger her unborn child?
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