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Love & Logic
Topic Started: Sep 16 2015, 02:10 PM (451 Views)
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VoiceofReason
Oct 7 2015, 01:34 PM
Are there any adults in your life who probably didn't get enough instruction on basic social skills when they were preschoolers? While these folks can be a bit annoying at times, it's probably wise to remember that their lack of relational finesse has probably made their own lives less than peachy. When I remember this, it's easier for me to remain empathetic with them. It also reminds me why it's so important to help our young children learn the basic social graces.

Most of this teaching should take place in the classroom of real world experience. That is, at the very moment our children are interacting with others. Listed below are just a few of the things we ought to expect our children to do:
• Shake people's hands and look into their eyes.
• Smile.
• Say "hello."
• Say "thank you" when complimented.
• Say "please."
• Say "goodbye" and wish people well.
I'm constantly amazed at how many parents fail to expect these things out of their preschoolers. Instead, their children are allowed to snub others or to hide behind their parents' backs.

Now, I understand that some children are extremely shy. I also understand that this takes work and can feel a bit awkward from time to time. In our book, Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood, we teach the importance of having high expectations for our children. Parents who maintain high expectations raise far happier and more socially skilled kids.
There is a balance between learning social graces and teaching our children to be wary and away from, strangers.
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VoiceofReason

True.
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VoiceofReason

https://www.loveandlogic.com

Is it true that some kids have neurological conditions that make it far more difficult for them to remain calm and self-controlled? You bet.

Is it also true that there are many things within our control…with all types of children…that can up the odds that they will behave in ways that avoid their placement on our last nerve?

Are you a parent who errs on the side of assuming that your child can't help being out of control? Or are you one who assumes that with the right type of love, limits, structure, training, and expectations, they can usually remain fun to be around?

Listed below is a laundry list of some old-fashioned yet powerful strategies:

Sleep
Unlike adults, many children get hyper when they're tired.

Downtime
Too many activities create stressed families. Stressed families create kids who act out to relieve their stress.

Limits
When kids lack solid limits, they tend to act out to get them. Be sure to set limits by describing what you are willing to do or allow…rather than telling them how they should act. An example:

You are welcome to stay in the same room with us as long as
your voice is quiet and you aren't running around.

Predictable routines
Kids thrive when these and other routines are more or less routine: Getting ready each morning, dinnertime, bedtime, family reading time, homework time, playtime, etc.

Practice
Some parents experiment with "sitting practice." They have fun with their child and challenge them to remain seated and quiet for a small amount of time. They set the timer and make a big deal out of their child meeting a specific goal. They gradually increase the goal as time goes by.

Good food
Junk food tends to create junky behavior.

Exercise
Exercise calms the brain. My mother must have known this when she'd say, “Oh…looks like you need to run around the yard and burn off some of that steam."

Any reluctance to do as she asked, automatically created a long list of chores that served as another form of exercise.

Very limited screen time
The more kids interact with screens the more difficulty they have with self-regulation.

A good marriage
Kids tend to act out any anxiety or tension present in the home.
Edited by VoiceofReason, Oct 14 2015, 03:28 PM.
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cisslybee2012
The REBEL
@ Truthie

I say the solution is parental or adult intervention. But never in a dictatorial way. As adults, we understand what children are going through only when we understand what we're going through. I talk to my 18 year old niece about her feelings which opens her up to express them and I can then get in and help her to see something more.

A child's mind the same as that of the average adult, is filled with a cross wiring of desires with misconceptions. And the goal is always to help a child gain control over themselves and be guided by reason rather than feelings, so the more misconceptions we can help a child to face and resolve with facts, the more control over themselves they gain.
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VoiceofReason

I agree, Ciss. Specific direction is fine when they're really little but it is important to cultivate inquiry.

I find my kids listen best when I'm not talking to them. When they think I'm "just" talking to one of my friends, or talking about someone else, they are all ears.
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cisslybee2012
The REBEL
With my niece,

There's not a lot of work to do because she's already a very morally good and smart girl. So I'm working with her very gently on her perception of herself, which is very unreal. Right now, she thinks with conviction that she's self confident. Which is because she's a very pretty girl, leading a very active life in and outside of school, and are popular and envied by other girls in school. So I'm pointing out to her very subtly that she's not as self confident as she thinks. That I'm not doing as a dictator, but helping her to recognize for herself.

The goal I'm reaching for is to help build her self confidence on a different foundation. Not upon reactions and impressions she's getting about herself from other people, but from factual knowledge she's aware of and understands about life along with her reasoning power. To make her self confidence real and not based on vanity.
Edited by cisslybee2012, Oct 14 2015, 10:28 PM.
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VoiceofReason

... "not based on vanity."

Smart lady.
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