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| Love & Logic | |
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| Topic Started: Sep 16 2015, 02:10 PM (450 Views) | |
| VoiceofReason | Sep 16 2015, 02:10 PM Post #1 |
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https://www.loveandlogic.com/articles-advice/videos-and-podcasts How Do We Defend Our Children If your kids are old enough to go to school they are probably attending hands on seminars and workshops on the use of the latest phone apps. Not only are they getting state of the art training on the use of these apps, but they are being trained in the art of erasing any data that is unacceptable to their parents. These workshops are free and are conducted by their friends. As you can imagine, some of these workshops focus on how kids can beat the parents in the game of trying to control access to, and use of, inappropriate and dangerous online content and temptations. Unfortunately, the best of parents have neither the time nor the energy to keep up with what the kids are learning and easily fall behind the digital learning curve. So the more we try to control what they are doing, the sillier we look in their eyes and the more motivated they can become to be involved in dangerous activities. What is a parent's best defense of the dangers their kids have access to through their cell phones and computers? It's not our ability to control what they see and do, it's the child's ability to think for him/her self. So the next question is: Where does this ability come from? Parents who allow their kids to make decisions and hold them accountable for the results greatly raise the odds that their kids will do a better job of thinking for themselves when faced with temptations. The more decisions and non-life-threatening risks and consequences your kids experience, the higher the odds are that they will be able to think for themselves and survive what this new world throws at them. Given the level of dangerous activities available to children, there has never been a time in our history when the Love and Logic approach is more important. We used to talk about raising responsible kids, now we are talking about raising kids who are not only responsible, but also capable of keeping themselves safe. We're talking survival here. Edited by VoiceofReason, Sep 16 2015, 02:15 PM.
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| VoiceofReason | Sep 16 2015, 02:18 PM Post #2 |
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https://www.loveandlogic.com/articles-advice/videos-and-podcasts Avoid "If-Thens" with Strong-Willed Kids It seems that just about every family has at least one child who spends most of his time trying to figure out what others want…so that he can do exactly the opposite. Frustrated by their testy behavior, it's pretty easy to fall into less than effective parenting practices. I hear some of these at the grocery store: If you're really good, then I'll buy you a candy bar. If you don't stop that, then you're going right to your room when we get home! When parents are unsuccessful with strong-willed kids it's frequently because they've issued an "if-then." When their spirited kids hear this, they think, "Now the fight's on! I’ll show them!" Ironically, stubborn kids are willing to receive consequences…and miss out on rewards…if it means winning a control battle. When rewards come as a surprise to kids, they have no opportunity to sabotage themselves before they receive them. When we avoid warning them of specific consequences in advance, they spend less time fighting us and trying to figure out how to find the "loop holes" in our plans. Edited by VoiceofReason, Sep 16 2015, 02:21 PM.
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| VoiceofReason | Sep 16 2015, 02:20 PM Post #3 |
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https://www.loveandlogic.com/articles-advice/videos-and-podcasts Helping Unmotivated Kids Helping unmotivated kids is one of the most complex challenges we face as educators and parents. Therefore, giving a quick and easy solution in less than 300 words would be impossible…and downright irresponsible. In approximately 99% of cases, the child's lack of motivation results from far more than simple laziness or a conscious desire to act out. The roots of apathy go far deeper, into feelings of frustration, anger, hopelessness, lack of control, or loss. The majority of these feelings lay at the subconscious level, where they wreak havoc on a child's ability to engage in higher-level thinking tasks, such as sustained attention to detail, problem-solving, memory, perseverance, and self-control. This is why punishing children for getting bad grades usually backfires. Since they are already feeling bad about life, how is making them feel worse about it going to get them motivated to succeed? In my award winning book, From Bad Grades to a Great Life, I teach a variety of alternative strategies for getting at the roots of apathy…rather than making it worse with anger, lectures, threats and punishments. At the core of what we teach is the importance of loving kids for who they are…rather than who we want them to be. Yes! The healing process begins when we end the power struggle by saying, "We will love you no matter how well or poorly you do in school. Your grades are your grades…not ours. That's why we are no longer going to fight with you about them. Just let us know how we can help." Edited by VoiceofReason, Sep 16 2015, 02:21 PM.
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| VoiceofReason | Sep 16 2015, 02:23 PM Post #4 |
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https://www.loveandlogic.com/articles-advice/videos-and-podcasts I'm Bored, What Can I Watch I was raised in an era when kids knew that it was their responsibility to entertain themselves. When we got bored we asked, "What can we do?" If your kids ask this question, you are doing a good job of parenting. Many kids today ask, "I’m bored. What can I watch?" This is difficult to combat in an era where television, internet and video games can keep kids in an almost constant state of stimulation. Research on the brain tells us that this constant excitement can wire a kid's brain to prefer activities that offer immediate stimulation and entertainment. As a result we see many children who cannot handle the slower speed of a normal classroom. These kids see school as boring and often stimulate themselves by acting out. Our media-driven culture of constant stimulation through television, internet and video games contributes to the number of kids who need and demand instant gratification. Dr. Ed Hallowell describes these kids as attention-disordered. Do your kids a favor and limit the amount of time their brains are connected to electronic entertainment. More than one-half hour per day is hurtful to your child's brain. Edited by VoiceofReason, Sep 16 2015, 02:23 PM.
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| beserker | Sep 16 2015, 04:18 PM Post #5 |
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good stuff..... ``The more decisions and non-life-threatening risks and consequences your kids experience, the higher the odds are that they will be able to think for themselves and survive what this new world throws at them." amen!! ``When parents are unsuccessful with strong-willed kids it's frequently because they've issued an "if-then." When their spirited kids hear this, they think, "Now the fight's on! I’ll show them!" Ironically, stubborn kids are willing to receive consequences…and miss out on rewards…if it means winning a control battle." kids only?...... dat shit extends thru whole.life ..... there will always be a `feeble- minded " idiot poking a carrot at your face saying common dance!! dance for me...smh and disgusted!! here u joking right.... ``"We will love you no matter how well or poorly you do in school. Your grades are your grades…not ours. That's why we are no longer going to fight with you about them. Just let us know how we can help." ..... just `wonder" with them .... innocently off course!! i wonder how much burger-king{ remember mickey dee is a stepup" really pays {after taxes} believe me dat shit always worked wonders with us another lie!! ``Many kids today ask, "I’m bored. What can I watch?" This is difficult to combat in an era where television, internet and video games can keep kids in an almost constant state of stimulation." .. dem always watching or playing stuff am yet to hear this from the nephews/niece "I’m bored. What can I read?.... Edited by beserker, Sep 16 2015, 04:19 PM.
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| cisslybee2012 | Sep 16 2015, 05:25 PM Post #6 |
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The REBEL
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This is true. But where parenting goes wrong is in trying to control what our children do. It only catapults them to secrecy, which is shutting us out, and setting out to do what they want without our knowledge. So parent's best defense = successful failure to develop our children's ability to think for themselves. In defending ourselves, we defend our own ignorance. Thus, the term best defense should be best method. And the best method is to realize that our children are the same as us and to be open and honest with them about our feelings, because everything we feel they feel too. We don't want to develop a barrier of secrecy because we can't help our children to overcome what they're feeling when we do that. I tried to share some of it with y'all between me and my niece. I'm not trying to dictate or control her life, but helping her to control it herself. Right now she has a big problem with superficiality and judging by appearance. But she's coming along gracefully and told me just the other day that she been thinking about what I've been saying to her about looks. She's thinking about it, which is progress gradually being made. I'm helping her to overcome it, not dictating and telling her what or what not to do. I have such an open line of communication with her that she has no barrier of secrecy against me and will talk to me about anything which is what I want and how I can help her. Edited by cisslybee2012, Sep 16 2015, 05:34 PM.
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| Snidely Whiplash | Sep 17 2015, 01:05 AM Post #7 |
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VOR, can you dumb it down for to me to perhaps a paragraph or 2? |
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| VoiceofReason | Sep 30 2015, 12:56 PM Post #8 |
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Each article I'm posting represents a different scenario for dealing with issues that come up. Edited by VoiceofReason, Sep 30 2015, 12:59 PM.
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| VoiceofReason | Sep 30 2015, 12:58 PM Post #9 |
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Even wonderful kids can make mistakes when faced with the massive temptations whirling about the web. What's a parent to do when they discover that their child or teen has been visiting sites containing sexual material, racist, cult, or terrorist propaganda, etc.? Safety first. Before visiting with the child, remove or disable any devices you can. While we can't control every internet access point available to our kids, we must control what we can. Protect yourself. Immediately report to the police any inappropriate content involving minors. Absolutely report any threats of violence. Parents who’ve tried to cover up or “smooth over” incidents of such nature have found themselves in legal hot water. If empathy is impossible at the moment, delay the consequence. In an ideal world, a parent would respond with great empathy: This is so sad. Today I discovered that you were on a website… In this less-than-ideal world, we may need another alternative: I am so angry that I can’t even think. We'll talk later when I'm calm. When everyone is calmer, listen to your child’s heart. In some situations, children’s hearts are filled with so much sadness, darkness, anxiety, or other forms of hurt that professional help is definitely necessary. In addition to providing healthy limits and loving consequences, the most effective parents look below the surface by asking sincere questions and listening without judgment: I really want to understand. What about this is interesting to you? Is this something that you are serious about or are you just kind of curious? Some kids get into that stuff because they are really hurting. Does that sound familiar to you? With great empathy, hand the problem back. Over time…perhaps plenty of it…the child or teen must take real action steps to develop and maintain a plan for making healthier decisions. Depending on their heart condition, this may involve conscientious participation in therapy, demonstrating greater respect and responsibility in other areas of their life, agreeing to keep parental monitoring software on their devices, etc. Until the parent feels thrilled with the youngster’s plan and their overall attitude about it, no devices are provided. https://www.loveandlogic.com/articles-advice/videos-and-podcasts Edited by VoiceofReason, Sep 30 2015, 12:59 PM.
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| VoiceofReason | Oct 7 2015, 01:34 PM Post #10 |
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Are there any adults in your life who probably didn't get enough instruction on basic social skills when they were preschoolers? While these folks can be a bit annoying at times, it's probably wise to remember that their lack of relational finesse has probably made their own lives less than peachy. When I remember this, it's easier for me to remain empathetic with them. It also reminds me why it's so important to help our young children learn the basic social graces. Most of this teaching should take place in the classroom of real world experience. That is, at the very moment our children are interacting with others. Listed below are just a few of the things we ought to expect our children to do: • Shake people's hands and look into their eyes. • Smile. • Say "hello." • Say "thank you" when complimented. • Say "please." • Say "goodbye" and wish people well. I'm constantly amazed at how many parents fail to expect these things out of their preschoolers. Instead, their children are allowed to snub others or to hide behind their parents' backs. Now, I understand that some children are extremely shy. I also understand that this takes work and can feel a bit awkward from time to time. In our book, Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood, we teach the importance of having high expectations for our children. Parents who maintain high expectations raise far happier and more socially skilled kids. |
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