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One of my favorite Christmas Songs
Topic Started: Dec 5 2012, 07:38 PM (360 Views)
Cartman
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Quote:
 
Wuz da nite befo Crimmus
An' all ower de hood;
Ereybody wuz' sleepin';
Dey wuz sleepin' good.

We hunged up our stockings
An hoped like de' heck
Dat ol' Sanna Claws
Be bringin' ar check.

All o' de fambly
Wuz layin in de beds,
Whilst Ripple and Thunderbird
Dance tru' dey heads.

I passed out inna' flo
Right nex to my Maw;
When I herd sech a fuss,
I thunk, "It mus be da Law!"

I looked out thru da bars
What covered my do',
'Spectin da sheriff
Wif a warrent fo' sho.

And what did I see,
I said, "Lawd, look at dat!"
They was a huge watta' melon,
Pulled by giant warf rats!

Now ober all de years
Sanna Claws, he be white;
But looks liken us bros
Gets a black Sanna dis nite.

Faster dan a po'lees car,
My homeboy he came;
He wupped on dem warf rats,
An' called dem by name!

"On Leroy, on 'Lonzo,
And on Willie Lee,
On Sapphire, on Chenequa,"
Dey wuz a site to see!

As he landed dat watta'mellon
Out der in da skreet,
I knowed it was fo' sho'
Da damdest site I ebber did see.

He didn't go down no chimbley,
He picked da' lock on my do';
An' I sez to mysef,
"Shit! He done dis befo'!"

He had dis big bag,
Full of presents I 'spect;
Wid Air Jordans and fake gold
To wear roun' my neck.

But he left no good prezents,
Jus' started steelin' my shit;
Got my drugs, got my guns,
Even got my burglar's kit!

Wit my stuff in da bag,
Out da winda he flewed;
I woudda' tried to catched him,
But he stoled my 'nife too!

He jumped on dat wadda'mellon,
An' wipped out a switch;
He wuz gone in a seccon',
Dat son of a bitch!

Next year I be hopin'
Anutha Sanna we git,
'Cuz diz here Sanna Claws
Jus' ain't werf a shit!


Quote:
 
'Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the trailer
Not a creature was stirrin'
'Cept a redneck named Taylor.

His first name was Bubba,
Joe was his middle,
And a-runnin' down his chin
Was a trickle of spittle.

His socks, they were hung
By the chimney with care,
And therefore there was
A foul stench in the air.

From out in the yard
There came such a noise
That Bubba got scared
And rousted the boys.

There was Rufus, 12;
Jim Bob was 11;
Dud goin' on 10;
Otis was 7.

John, George and Chucky
Were 5,4, and 3:
The twins were both girls
So they let them be.

They jumped in their overalls,
No need for a shirt,
Threw a hat on each head,
Then turned with a jerk.

They ran to the gun rack
That hung on the wall.
There were 17 shotguns;
They grabbed them all.

Bubba said to the young'uns,
"Now hesh up y'all!
The last thing we wanna do
Is wake up yer Maw."

Maw was expecting
And needed her sleep,
So out they crept out the door
Without making a peep.

They all looked around,
And then they all spit.
The young'uns asked Bubba,
"Paw, what is it?"

Bubba just stared;
He could not say a word.
This was just like all of
The stories he'd heard.

It was Santy Claus on the roof,
Darn tootin'
But the boys didn't know;
They was about to start shootin'!

They aimed their shotguns
And nearly made a mistake
That would have resulted
In venison steak.

Bubba hollered out,
"Don't shoot, boys!"
That's Santy Claus
And he's brought us some toys.

The dogs were a-barkin'
And a-raisin' cain,
And Bubba whistled, and shouted,
And called them by name.

"Down, Spot! Shut up Bullet!
Quiet, Pete and Roscoe!
Git, Turnip and Tater
And Sam and old Joe!"

"Git down from that porch!
Git down off that wall!
Quit shakin the trailer,
Or you'll make Santy fall!"

The dogs kept a-barkin'
And wouldn't shut up,
And they trampled poor Pete
Who was only a pup.

Santy opened his bag,
And threw out some toys.
Bubba got most,
But left a few for the boys.

From up on the roof
Santa heaved a great sigh.
Since the guns had been dropped
He just might not die.

He jumped in his sleigh,
Told his reindeer to hurry.
The trailer started to wobble
Santa started to worry.

Just as the reindeer
Got into the air,
The trailer collapsed,
But Bubba didn't care.

He was busy lookin'
At all his new toys.
Then a thought hit him,
And he said to the boys:

"Go check on yer Maw,
Make sure she's all right.
That roof fallin' on her
Could-a hurt just a might."

But Maw was OK,
And the girls were too.
They fixed up the trailer;
It looked good as new.

And as for Bubba,
He liked Old St. Nick,
But Santa thought Bubba
Was a pure-in-tee hick!

Bubba had a nice Christmas,
And the boys did, too.
And the Rednecks wish
A Merry Christmas to you!


:D :huh: B-) ;) :-/
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VoiceofReason

Cartman
Dec 5 2012, 07:38 PM
Yes! Great song. :)
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