|
Cartman
|
Dec 5 2012, 07:38 PM
Post #1
|
|
UTB
|
Dec 6 2012, 09:58 AM
Post #2
|
|
- Posts:
- 9,982
- Group:
- Members
- Member
- #539
- Joined:
- Jun 7, 2010
|
- Quote:
-
Wuz da nite befo Crimmus An' all ower de hood; Ereybody wuz' sleepin'; Dey wuz sleepin' good.
We hunged up our stockings An hoped like de' heck Dat ol' Sanna Claws Be bringin' ar check.
All o' de fambly Wuz layin in de beds, Whilst Ripple and Thunderbird Dance tru' dey heads.
I passed out inna' flo Right nex to my Maw; When I herd sech a fuss, I thunk, "It mus be da Law!"
I looked out thru da bars What covered my do', 'Spectin da sheriff Wif a warrent fo' sho.
And what did I see, I said, "Lawd, look at dat!" They was a huge watta' melon, Pulled by giant warf rats!
Now ober all de years Sanna Claws, he be white; But looks liken us bros Gets a black Sanna dis nite.
Faster dan a po'lees car, My homeboy he came; He wupped on dem warf rats, An' called dem by name!
"On Leroy, on 'Lonzo, And on Willie Lee, On Sapphire, on Chenequa," Dey wuz a site to see!
As he landed dat watta'mellon Out der in da skreet, I knowed it was fo' sho' Da damdest site I ebber did see.
He didn't go down no chimbley, He picked da' lock on my do'; An' I sez to mysef, "Shit! He done dis befo'!"
He had dis big bag, Full of presents I 'spect; Wid Air Jordans and fake gold To wear roun' my neck.
But he left no good prezents, Jus' started steelin' my shit; Got my drugs, got my guns, Even got my burglar's kit!
Wit my stuff in da bag, Out da winda he flewed; I woudda' tried to catched him, But he stoled my 'nife too!
He jumped on dat wadda'mellon, An' wipped out a switch; He wuz gone in a seccon', Dat son of a bitch!
Next year I be hopin' Anutha Sanna we git, 'Cuz diz here Sanna Claws Jus' ain't werf a shit!
- Quote:
-
'Twas the night before Christmas And all through the trailer Not a creature was stirrin' 'Cept a redneck named Taylor.
His first name was Bubba, Joe was his middle, And a-runnin' down his chin Was a trickle of spittle.
His socks, they were hung By the chimney with care, And therefore there was A foul stench in the air.
From out in the yard There came such a noise That Bubba got scared And rousted the boys.
There was Rufus, 12; Jim Bob was 11; Dud goin' on 10; Otis was 7.
John, George and Chucky Were 5,4, and 3: The twins were both girls So they let them be.
They jumped in their overalls, No need for a shirt, Threw a hat on each head, Then turned with a jerk.
They ran to the gun rack That hung on the wall. There were 17 shotguns; They grabbed them all.
Bubba said to the young'uns, "Now hesh up y'all! The last thing we wanna do Is wake up yer Maw."
Maw was expecting And needed her sleep, So out they crept out the door Without making a peep.
They all looked around, And then they all spit. The young'uns asked Bubba, "Paw, what is it?"
Bubba just stared; He could not say a word. This was just like all of The stories he'd heard.
It was Santy Claus on the roof, Darn tootin' But the boys didn't know; They was about to start shootin'!
They aimed their shotguns And nearly made a mistake That would have resulted In venison steak.
Bubba hollered out, "Don't shoot, boys!" That's Santy Claus And he's brought us some toys.
The dogs were a-barkin' And a-raisin' cain, And Bubba whistled, and shouted, And called them by name.
"Down, Spot! Shut up Bullet! Quiet, Pete and Roscoe! Git, Turnip and Tater And Sam and old Joe!"
"Git down from that porch! Git down off that wall! Quit shakin the trailer, Or you'll make Santy fall!"
The dogs kept a-barkin' And wouldn't shut up, And they trampled poor Pete Who was only a pup.
Santy opened his bag, And threw out some toys. Bubba got most, But left a few for the boys.
From up on the roof Santa heaved a great sigh. Since the guns had been dropped He just might not die.
He jumped in his sleigh, Told his reindeer to hurry. The trailer started to wobble Santa started to worry.
Just as the reindeer Got into the air, The trailer collapsed, But Bubba didn't care.
He was busy lookin' At all his new toys. Then a thought hit him, And he said to the boys:
"Go check on yer Maw, Make sure she's all right. That roof fallin' on her Could-a hurt just a might."
But Maw was OK, And the girls were too. They fixed up the trailer; It looked good as new.
And as for Bubba, He liked Old St. Nick, But Santa thought Bubba Was a pure-in-tee hick!
Bubba had a nice Christmas, And the boys did, too. And the Rednecks wish A Merry Christmas to you!
|