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What is Your Type?; What Type are You?
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Topic Started: Jan 5 2012, 01:29 AM (8,799 Views)
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Snidely Whiplash
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Aug 24 2012, 01:20 PM
Post #331
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- cisslybee2012
- Aug 24 2012, 05:02 AM
- psalongo
- Aug 23 2012, 04:32 AM
- shutupalready
- Aug 22 2012, 09:40 PM
Hey psalongo!
What does compete with her man mean?
How would you two be in competition?
Are you guys equal or do you want a subordinate so.there would be no.competition?
The constant desire to be domineering or controlling in all aspects of the relationship is what I see as competing. Yes men and women are equal but we are not the same. Our stengths and weaknesses should complement each other not compete for control imho.
Weaknesses should be worked on and eliminated. Not complimented by anyone. After all, You can compliment your own weaknesses. So presumably you've worked out all your weaknesses (if you had any) and you are now flawless?
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cisslybee2012
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Aug 24 2012, 01:29 PM
Post #332
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The REBEL
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- psalongo
- Aug 24 2012, 01:20 PM
- cisslybee2012
- Aug 24 2012, 05:02 AM
- psalongo
- Aug 23 2012, 04:32 AM
- shutupalready
- Aug 22 2012, 09:40 PM
Hey psalongo!
What does compete with her man mean?
How would you two be in competition?
Are you guys equal or do you want a subordinate so.there would be no.competition?
The constant desire to be domineering or controlling in all aspects of the relationship is what I see as competing. Yes men and women are equal but we are not the same. Our stengths and weaknesses should complement each other not compete for control imho.
Weaknesses should be worked on and eliminated. Not complimented by anyone. After all, You can compliment your own weaknesses.
So presumably you've worked out all your weaknesses (if you had any) and you are now flawless? I could never be flawless.
But I could never expect a compliment for my flaws either.
I do not trust people looking for compliments to their weaknesses.
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Snidely Whiplash
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Aug 24 2012, 01:34 PM
Post #333
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- cisslybee2012
- Aug 24 2012, 01:29 PM
- psalongo
- Aug 24 2012, 01:20 PM
- cisslybee2012
- Aug 24 2012, 05:02 AM
- psalongo
- Aug 23 2012, 04:32 AM
- shutupalready
- Aug 22 2012, 09:40 PM
Hey psalongo!
What does compete with her man mean?
How would you two be in competition?
Are you guys equal or do you want a subordinate so.there would be no.competition?
The constant desire to be domineering or controlling in all aspects of the relationship is what I see as competing. Yes men and women are equal but we are not the same. Our stengths and weaknesses should complement each other not compete for control imho.
Weaknesses should be worked on and eliminated. Not complimented by anyone. After all, You can compliment your own weaknesses.
So presumably you've worked out all your weaknesses (if you had any) and you are now flawless?
I could never be flawless. But I could never expect a compliment for my flaws either. I do not trust people looking for compliments to their weaknesses. Ah, I see where we have a failure to communicate. By compliment I mean to improve upon ones weaknesses. In other words where you might be weak your partner may have strengths, thus offsetting your weakness, and vice-versa of course. Comprende?
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cisslybee2012
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Aug 24 2012, 06:08 PM
Post #334
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The REBEL
- Posts:
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- psalongo
- Aug 24 2012, 01:34 PM
- cisslybee2012
- Aug 24 2012, 01:29 PM
- psalongo
- Aug 24 2012, 01:20 PM
- cisslybee2012
- Aug 24 2012, 05:02 AM
- psalongo
- Aug 23 2012, 04:32 AM
- shutupalready
- Aug 22 2012, 09:40 PM
Hey psalongo!
What does compete with her man mean?
How would you two be in competition?
Are you guys equal or do you want a subordinate so.there would be no.competition?
The constant desire to be domineering or controlling in all aspects of the relationship is what I see as competing. Yes men and women are equal but we are not the same. Our stengths and weaknesses should complement each other not compete for control imho.
Weaknesses should be worked on and eliminated. Not complimented by anyone. After all, You can compliment your own weaknesses.
So presumably you've worked out all your weaknesses (if you had any) and you are now flawless?
I could never be flawless. But I could never expect a compliment for my flaws either. I do not trust people looking for compliments to their weaknesses.
Ah, I see where we have a failure to communicate.  By compliment I mean to improve upon ones weaknesses. In other words where you might be weak your partner may have strengths, thus offsetting your weakness, and vice-versa of course. Comprende? Yeah...
Comprende....
Compliment your own weaknesses man.
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VoiceofReason
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Aug 25 2012, 11:03 PM
Post #335
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- shutupalready
- Aug 24 2012, 11:16 AM
- truthisrespect
- Aug 24 2012, 10:29 AM
- shutupalready
- Aug 23 2012, 08:35 PM
I still say both parents could work the bare minimum and raise those kids then!!!
But yes, I imagine all that is stressful. But most women who miss all that and want all that aren't all that career oriented. They like the stay a home.life.
As for those other women who don't, not overrated.
Retiring by 30 might not be so bad.
I think I would be bored though.
Its all about working a job you love I suppose.
Of course, but both working "the bare minimum" is unrealistic, isn't it? Both may not be interested in "equal" parenting. I can't even imagine what that looks like. In life we specialize, we gravitate to those things we are good at and have passion for...child-rearing is no different. If my husband had been the one who bore the child, he may have had a hard time leaving him with strangers. We both "had" a baby per say, but he went back to work three days later with no quams about it. Whereas I stayed off work nearly a year because I felt passionate about being the primary caretaker of our kid. Off topic. This is what pisses me off when the clones start talking about women taking men's money after divorce. They disregard that the woman may have sacrificed mucho dinero by becoming primary caretaker. You can't get those earning years back, and it's impossible to make up that experience gap. So, the woman is not taking the mans money. She's splitting a small part of what her sacrifice allowed him to generate for the family.
The bare minimum is realistic. The men who are super career oriented and want to get the very top in life, are they overrrated, like the women mentioned are? He could work his job, just like she and not strive to make it to the top of the chain at the expense of sacrificing his family time. Since we want to say women doing this is overrated. Whats wrong with equal parenting? Didnt you both have that child, shouldnt you both be there to raise it? What is your idea of parenting if you cant imagine it being equal? Just would like to hear your thoughts. But before you respond, if its things like I cant imagine a man wanting to stay at home all day with his own children, teaching, feeding, watching them grow, why wouldnt he want to do that, and why should a woman be the only to have to do that. Or are you saying women are the only ones whoever want to do that? Is that natural or is that socialized behavior? I don't think "the bare minimum is realistic". It may be an ideal, but it is not realistic because most people want more than their basic needs met.
I said I can't imagine what "equal" parenting looks like because I can't keep track of "equal" and nor could anyone else. The point I tried to make was there can be no clear definition of "equal" in a relationship. If you think there is such a thing, outline it for me.
Ricks point was that whatever works for the couple is to be their standard. I agree. In my marriage I do whatever I think is necessary to fulfill my expectations of what my life should look like. Some days I work that harder than others, and I'm sure that's true for most people.
As far as I'm concerned, my husband and I are equals in the relationship, in our partnership. But there are things that he takes on that I never would, and vice versa. That doesn't mean we are not equals in the relationship.
Speaking for myself, I have no problem imagining my husband nurturing our kids. He did it beautifully when they were young and is still a very hands on Dad. But, he is not the primary caretaker, I am. I am not the primary breadwinner, he is. I could be, but I dont choose to be. He could be caretaker, but he and I choose to specialize, per say. It's natural to do so.
There is no need to keep tally of who does what or what equals what in our relationship. We both give 100% of ourselves in the ways that give the biggest return to our family. I doubt I'm bring clear. Maybe I can break it down like this - overall, the relationship is equal. but there is no need for me to try to do what he does well, and there is no need for him to try to do what I do well.
We are back to back, joined together. We've got eachother's back, and if he's looking left, I'm looking right. There's no need for him to try and look right half the time. And theres no need for me to try and look left half the time in the hopes of contributing "equally". If im better at looking right, i should do that. If hes better at looking left, he should do that. To me, thats equal. Bringing your gifts to the relationship 100%.
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negroplease
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Aug 25 2012, 11:22 PM
Post #336
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But Rick is saying there is not a 50/50 relationship, and that they wont be equal, but you are saying that although one may do more work, you two have an equal partnership/relationship.
So..............
Which one is it?
Do you agree with Rick or dont you?
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negroplease
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Aug 25 2012, 11:30 PM
Post #337
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As for more people wanting more than their basic needs being met, then wouldnt that include the woman working, most families today need a two parent income to be comfortable as you say anyway?
I have never once said lets keep tally, tell me where I even mentioned that.
But I did say, to even start of saying that most marriages wont be 50/50 sets up the situation for a power differential where a man will most likely be the "one in charge".
I still cant understand why you people cant fathom equal parenting when both parents have a kid that they need to raise.
Who said anything about trying to do what the other does well.
I never mentioned tasks specifically, but both parents can raise, discipline, feed, clothe, teach and change the diapers for that child. There isnt one parent doing that well than the other. Both parents can do that just fine.
Now you have let society socialize you into believing that men cant do that as well as women, and that is just fine if that is what you like and how you choose to live your life.
But when the time comes for me to have children, you better believe both parents will be actively involved in parenting this child, because we both had this child.
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VoiceofReason
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Aug 26 2012, 12:01 AM
Post #338
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- shutupalready
- Aug 25 2012, 11:22 PM
But Rick is saying there is not a 50/50 relationship, and that they wont be equal, but you are saying that although one may do more work, you two have an equal partnership/relationship.
So..............
Which one is it?
Do you agree with Rick or dont you? Rick is saying its up to the couple as to what works for them. That's what I agree with.
As far as Rick is saying there is not a 50/50 relationship, and I'm saying it can be an equal partnership; well, I understand what he's saying and I think he's right. His opinion doesn't contradict my opinion. I think he's referring to the day to day tasks, while I'm referring to the....heart of the relationship.
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VoiceofReason
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Aug 26 2012, 12:02 AM
Post #339
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- shutupalready
- Aug 25 2012, 11:30 PM
As for more people wanting more than their basic needs being met, then wouldnt that include the woman working, most families today need a two parent income to be comfortable as you say anyway?
Depends on the family as to what "comfortable" means to them.
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VoiceofReason
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Aug 26 2012, 12:05 AM
Post #340
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- shutupalready
- Aug 25 2012, 11:30 PM
I have never once said lets keep tally, tell me where I even mentioned that. It's inferred.
But I did say, to even start of saying that most marriages wont be 50/50 sets up the situation for a power differential where a man will most likely be the "one in charge". 50/50 sounds petty to me. I like the idea of both parties giving their all.
I still cant understand why you people cant fathom equal parenting when both parents have a kid that they need to raise. Because day to day life happens. No one is always going to match up to their partner. Their different from each other.
Who said anything about trying to do what the other does well. Equality? If I'm a saver, my partner needs to be a saver too? I don't think that's necessarily true.
I never mentioned tasks specifically, but both parents can raise, discipline, feed, clothe, teach and change the diapers for that child. There isnt one parent doing that well than the other. Both parents can do that just fine. Maybe, maybe not. My husband cleaned the vomit. I defer to him. But I cleaned the boo-boo. It grosses him out.
Now you have let society socialize you into believing that men cant do that as well as women, and that is just fine if that is what you like and how you choose to live your life. Que? This statement is from left field. Don't know how you concluded that. I clearly said my husband takes great care of our kids.
But when the time comes for me to have children, you better believe both parents will be actively involved in parenting this child, because we both had this child. I don't know how you can be hung up on "equality in parenting" BUT expect to not keep tally.
I think your notion of equality - unless you're talking big picture equality, as I am, your notion is idealistic , and may be problematic. But good luck with that, sincerely.
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