| Very Smart Brothas on Love and Self-Awareness; Black guy talks about relationships -BM&BW | |
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| Topic Started: Feb 14 2011, 03:31 PM (369 Views) | |
| memdear70 | Feb 14 2011, 03:31 PM Post #1 |
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This is a long interview but well worth the read! The Interviewer(TR) is a BF , The Interviewee (PJ) is a BM Since 2008, with the help of their technical wizard Liz Burr, Damon Young and Panama Jackson have been serving up on-point and witty relationship advice on their popular blog, Very Smart Brothas. Whether you're a diva dude, a pretty girl with "ugly girl" problems or a fake good girl pretending to be Joan from Girlfriends, you can definitely relate to their take on the art of dating. Young and Jackson open up about their new book, Your Degrees Won't Keep You Warm at Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide to Dating, Mating, and Fighting Crime, and how they are using humor, intelligence and brutal honesty to change the conversation about black love. Why do you think that people are so interested in relationship books and blogs? Panama Jackson: Because it's what we care about. If you put a bunch of black men and women in a room together, we automatically start talking about what is wrong with each other. [Laughs.] We have all been through so much emotionally, relationshipwise, and everybody has an opinion. TR: Explain the book's title. PJ: It's a nod to Kanye from one of his infamous skits from the College Dropout album -- the dude with all the degrees and he still can't get a woman. His degrees can't keep him warm at night. Damon Young: It gives you an idea of the tone of the book. This isn't the typical conversation about relationships, but it's no Tuesdays With Morrie, either. [Laughs.] This is a book you are going to have fun reading. TR: What I like about your work is that after reading it, I don't feel battered. [Laughs.] So much of the public conversation about black relationships is abusive and sexist. It can be depressing. DY: We are not trying to mold people or sh-- on them. We don't hate women or hate men. So with our work, you are not going to see the same accusatory content that exists in other blogs and books. I find that people who use anger have a certain agenda. Our agenda is for you to enjoy what we say, buy the book and keep coming to the site. PJ: Definitely. There is no need for the disrespect. I love my mother. I love my dad. I don't hate anyone. Plus, women don't like bitter guys. TR: True, but that bitterness dominates the conversation. DY: Well, I think our book and website show that black people can have intellectual conversations about race, gender, gender roles and dating without getting out of pocket. Normally we get 300 to 600 comments per entry, and most of the time, the conversations are very cordial. Not everyone agrees with what each other has to say, but a large majority of those disagreements are done with respect. TR: Do you two consider yourselves relationship experts? PJ: Absolutely not. I would never approach someone and tell them that I have all the answers, because I don't. I am an observant person who has been through a lot and just happens to have a forum to say what's on his mind. I have insight and I am able to recognize my flaws. I am self-aware enough to speak on them. Also, I have been proven wrong before. [Laughs.] DY: People get so wrapped up in their own lives that they are not able to just sit and see what is going on around them. Panama and I are both able to do that. You may not like what we have to say all the time, but we are going to be brutally honest with you. TR: From your observations, what's a big mistake that people make in relationships? DY: Their lack of self-awareness. People are not taking a step back and doing the type of self-assessment that needs to be done. With women, I hear a lot of them say how they were being led on by a man, but a lot of times, that's about the lack of self-awareness. Most women know what's up: They know he wants to have sex, and so do they. But once that happens, they can't handle it. We talk about this in the book. I think that women are not victimized as much as they say they are. They make conscious choices -- PJ: -- and don't like how it all turned out. It's easier to blame someone else than it is to take ownership of your own mistakes. And that goes both ways. TR: I do think that a lot of women play victim and hear what they want to hear, but men are not always up front. If this is just sex, say that from jump, as opposed to placing the responsibility solely on the woman to be able to read clues. But I digress. What is the biggest mistake that you think men make in relationships? DY: Wanting their women to stay exactly the same from the first day they met her. Having the same libido, the same outlook on life, the same everything. It's unrealistic. PJ: I would say overplaying their hand. I live in Washington, D.C., so I live in the home of the cocky Negro. D.C. is a city with an abundance of educated attractive women and an abundance of wack dudes in [fewer] numbers. These dudes are so arrogant, thinking they can do whatever they want and women are going to put up with it. They approach relationships like the Kanye line, "There are thousands of you and only one me" mentality. And what's funny is that I know quite a few dudes who have done this and later told me, "Man, I never should have let that one go." TR: Really? PJ: Yes. Guys have very honest conversations when women are not around -- we do have feelings. We are not having these emotional meetings every Tuesday, but it happens more often than women think. TR: What are the things you talk about when women are not around? PJ: You are around right now. I can't tell you. TR: Fine. [Laughs.] With Valentine's Day coming up, can you give us single people some hope? Are we doomed? PJ: No, there are a lot of people out there who are in relationships and are happy -- it's just about doing your due diligence. And for the ladies, aside from the cliché, "Just be yourself," please learn how to ask questions. Two years into the relationship, don't find out that your dude murdered someone back in the day. You are not going to be happy about that. And ask him if he has kids or if he's married. DY: We aren't doomed, but we need to change the types of conversations that we're having. There are a lot of people who will make great mates; they just haven't met anyone yet. We hope our book can help them find each other. Edited by memdear70, Feb 14 2011, 03:33 PM.
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| tayter80 | Feb 14 2011, 03:47 PM Post #2 |
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VSB is one of my favorite blogs! |
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| Doctor Magnus Warlock | Feb 14 2011, 06:09 PM Post #3 |
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That was a good read. A dialog on black relationships without anyone being fatalistic, woe-is-me, or high-n-mighty is quite refreashing. |
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