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Loyality and Fidelity
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Topic Started: Nov 30 2010, 07:42 PM (3,065 Views)
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Black Republican
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Nov 30 2010, 10:44 PM
Post #11
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In the old days when married people cheated on each other, they stayed together but they slept in different rooms.
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Damn Right
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Dec 1 2010, 02:27 AM
Post #12
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If a woman cheated on me I would never take her back, because if they cheat once they will cheat again.
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nevergiveup
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Dec 1 2010, 03:10 AM
Post #13
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- tayter80
- Nov 30 2010, 07:42 PM
I was having a conversation with my grandmother over the past holiday weekend about faithfulness. Some years ago my grandfather had an affair with a woman who had his child. I always wondered how my grandmother could have stayed with him after such a betrayal. I finally ask her about it and she basically said this, yes it hurt her, but never once during that time did she feel that she had lost my grandfathers love or loyality to her. She told me that faithfulness may come and go in a relationship, but once you no longer have loyality to one another the relationship is over. This got me to thinking, is loyality more important than fidelity in a relationship? Can you even seperate loyality from fidelity?? What do you guys think... A relationship has to be built on trust, and how can you trust someone that cheats on you?
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New York
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Dec 1 2010, 06:50 PM
Post #14
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- memdear70
- Nov 30 2010, 08:44 PM
- Chicago
- Nov 30 2010, 08:22 PM
- tayter80
- Nov 30 2010, 08:07 PM
- Chicago
- Nov 30 2010, 08:01 PM
- tayter80
- Nov 30 2010, 07:59 PM
Honestly Chicago, I think he would. There is one thing I know for sure my grandparents love one another and believe in staying married til death do them part.
I'm a man and trust me, I don't think your grandfather would take your grandmother back if she got pregnant by and outside man.
You maybe a man, but I KNOW my grandfather.
You've never seen your grandfather have to deal with that, the thought of another man's seed growing inside of your grandmother, that would be too much for him to handle. A lot of women would not have accepted your grandfather back, after he got an outside women pregnant. Senator John Edwards got an outside woman pregnant, and his wife divorced him, you can't blame her for doing that. Because how can you trust a cheater?
Chi; God forgives us each day for the stupid shiz we pull daily, so why is it so hard to believe that a human being can forgive another for something they did? We're not bigger than God you know. I admire any woman/man who can sincerely forgive their spouses for an indiscretion inject into their union. I couldn't because my marriage was not sound enough during the last few years before we separated. As far as separating loyalty and fidelity, v....e....r....y thin line, but that's just MO. How can you have a relationship with somebody that's not honest?
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Mister J
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Dec 1 2010, 11:36 PM
Post #15
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Let me keep this somewhat brief and say that, based on the info given, I think when Ms. tayter's grandmother said "faithfulness may come and go in a relationship, but once you no longer have loyalty to one another, the relationship is over", she was making a distinction between 'faithfulness' as it pertained to her man having another woman and an 'outside' child... And when she mentioned 'loyalty', I think she was referring to the dedication and commitment she and her man continued to have, despite his taking another woman and producing a child.
It seems that, for her, the 'loyalty' of their relationship outweighed the lack of 'faithfulness' or 'fidelity' (as it relates to sexual monogamy)... and it makes plenty sense, to me, for a woman to feel that way.
And, yes, of course, it IS an individual decision, or one that each couple has to cope with on their own terms.
I, myself, don't have conflict or confusion about the issue... and neither do the women who form intimate, long-term relationships with me.
So, every adult has to work that matter out with their own conscience, as well as reach agreement with their mate.
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Miami
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Dec 2 2010, 01:28 AM
Post #16
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Mister J I see faithfulness and loyality as being the samething.
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LastMan
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Dec 2 2010, 06:43 AM
Post #17
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- tayter80
- Nov 30 2010, 07:42 PM
I was having a conversation with my grandmother over the past holiday weekend about faithfulness. Some years ago my grandfather had an affair with a woman who had his child. I always wondered how my grandmother could have stayed with him after such a betrayal. I finally ask her about it and she basically said this, yes it hurt her, but never once during that time did she feel that she had lost my grandfathers love or loyality to her. She told me that faithfulness may come and go in a relationship, but once you no longer have loyality to one another the relationship is over. This got me to thinking, is loyality more important than fidelity in a relationship? Can you even seperate loyality from fidelity?? What do you guys think... It's all a matter of conditioning. For many cultures plural marriage is acceptable, and was the way of life for our foreparents prior to slavery and life in captivity. It is a part of our collective genetic make-up, which is why it is so common with black men. Living in a society which forbids plural marriage causes men to do what comes natural, in secret. Men living in societies where plural marriage is acceptable, don't have to "sneak around" so-to-speak. Many believe that monogamy is an unnatural way of life forced on them because they happen to, by no choice of their own, live in a society that forbids polygyny. It's quit possible that he maintained love and loyalty to both.
Edited by LastMan, Dec 2 2010, 06:45 AM.
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negroplease
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Dec 2 2010, 10:33 AM
Post #18
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- LastMan
- Dec 2 2010, 06:43 AM
- tayter80
- Nov 30 2010, 07:42 PM
I was having a conversation with my grandmother over the past holiday weekend about faithfulness. Some years ago my grandfather had an affair with a woman who had his child. I always wondered how my grandmother could have stayed with him after such a betrayal. I finally ask her about it and she basically said this, yes it hurt her, but never once during that time did she feel that she had lost my grandfathers love or loyality to her. She told me that faithfulness may come and go in a relationship, but once you no longer have loyality to one another the relationship is over. This got me to thinking, is loyality more important than fidelity in a relationship? Can you even seperate loyality from fidelity?? What do you guys think...
It's all a matter of conditioning. For many cultures plural marriage is acceptable, and was the way of life for our foreparents prior to slavery and life in captivity. It is a part of our collective genetic make-up, which is why it is so common with black men. Living in a society which forbids plural marriage causes men to do what comes natural, in secret. Men living in societies where plural marriage is acceptable, don't have to "sneak around" so-to-speak. Many believe that monogamy is an unnatural way of life forced on them because they happen to, by no choice of their own, live in a society that forbids polygyny. It's quit possible that he maintained love and loyalty to both. Are you only supportive of polygyny or are you ok with polyandry as well.
Just wondering because many men use this as an excuse for cheating. Saying it is in their nature, but then when a woman desires more than one man, they do not like it. Is it not natural here? Do not marry and pledge a commitment like that if you desire to be with more than one person. So simple, yet some cannot grasp that.
I still have to ask how LOYAL you are being if you step out on a marriage. What are you being loyal to when you betrayed trust and were not faithful to ALL of your commitments. One time stepping out maybe but repeated affairs, I think not.
Loyalty by definition is being faithful to one's oath, commitments, or obligations.
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LastMan
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Dec 2 2010, 02:04 PM
Post #19
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- shutupalready
- Dec 2 2010, 10:33 AM
- LastMan
- Dec 2 2010, 06:43 AM
- tayter80
- Nov 30 2010, 07:42 PM
I was having a conversation with my grandmother over the past holiday weekend about faithfulness. Some years ago my grandfather had an affair with a woman who had his child. I always wondered how my grandmother could have stayed with him after such a betrayal. I finally ask her about it and she basically said this, yes it hurt her, but never once during that time did she feel that she had lost my grandfathers love or loyality to her. She told me that faithfulness may come and go in a relationship, but once you no longer have loyality to one another the relationship is over. This got me to thinking, is loyality more important than fidelity in a relationship? Can you even seperate loyality from fidelity?? What do you guys think...
It's all a matter of conditioning. For many cultures plural marriage is acceptable, and was the way of life for our foreparents prior to slavery and life in captivity. It is a part of our collective genetic make-up, which is why it is so common with black men. Living in a society which forbids plural marriage causes men to do what comes natural, in secret. Men living in societies where plural marriage is acceptable, don't have to "sneak around" so-to-speak. Many believe that monogamy is an unnatural way of life forced on them because they happen to, by no choice of their own, live in a society that forbids polygyny. It's quit possible that he maintained love and loyalty to both.
Are you only supportive of polygyny or are you ok with polyandry as well. Just wondering because many men use this as an excuse for cheating. Saying it is in their nature, but then when a woman desires more than one man, they do not like it. Is it not natural here? Do not marry and pledge a commitment like that if you desire to be with more than one person. So simple, yet some cannot grasp that. I still have to ask how LOYAL you are being if you step out on a marriage. What are you being loyal to when you betrayed trust and were not faithful to ALL of your commitments. One time stepping out maybe but repeated affairs, I think not. Loyalty by definition is being faithful to one's oath, commitments, or obligations. First of all, I didn't state that I was "supportive" of either. I merely sought to provide an answer to the question posed. I too believe that one should hold to vows of whatever sort. I can however reconcile the notion that he could remain loving and loyal to both women despite having not remained "faithful" to his vow. As it regards polyandry, it's a cultural practice that is very rare and extinct in most cases. That is a practice, in my opinion, that is steeped in confusion as it makes determination of paternity nearly impossible.
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negroplease
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Dec 3 2010, 12:17 AM
Post #20
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- LastMan
- Dec 2 2010, 02:04 PM
- shutupalready
- Dec 2 2010, 10:33 AM
- LastMan
- Dec 2 2010, 06:43 AM
- tayter80
- Nov 30 2010, 07:42 PM
I was having a conversation with my grandmother over the past holiday weekend about faithfulness. Some years ago my grandfather had an affair with a woman who had his child. I always wondered how my grandmother could have stayed with him after such a betrayal. I finally ask her about it and she basically said this, yes it hurt her, but never once during that time did she feel that she had lost my grandfathers love or loyality to her. She told me that faithfulness may come and go in a relationship, but once you no longer have loyality to one another the relationship is over. This got me to thinking, is loyality more important than fidelity in a relationship? Can you even seperate loyality from fidelity?? What do you guys think...
It's all a matter of conditioning. For many cultures plural marriage is acceptable, and was the way of life for our foreparents prior to slavery and life in captivity. It is a part of our collective genetic make-up, which is why it is so common with black men. Living in a society which forbids plural marriage causes men to do what comes natural, in secret. Men living in societies where plural marriage is acceptable, don't have to "sneak around" so-to-speak. Many believe that monogamy is an unnatural way of life forced on them because they happen to, by no choice of their own, live in a society that forbids polygyny. It's quit possible that he maintained love and loyalty to both.
Are you only supportive of polygyny or are you ok with polyandry as well. Just wondering because many men use this as an excuse for cheating. Saying it is in their nature, but then when a woman desires more than one man, they do not like it. Is it not natural here? Do not marry and pledge a commitment like that if you desire to be with more than one person. So simple, yet some cannot grasp that. I still have to ask how LOYAL you are being if you step out on a marriage. What are you being loyal to when you betrayed trust and were not faithful to ALL of your commitments. One time stepping out maybe but repeated affairs, I think not. Loyalty by definition is being faithful to one's oath, commitments, or obligations.
First of all, I didn't state that I was "supportive" of either. I merely sought to provide an answer to the question posed. I too believe that one should hold to vows of whatever sort. I can however reconcile the notion that he could remain loving and loyal to both women despite having not remained "faithful" to his vow. As it regards polyandry, it's a cultural practice that is very rare and extinct in most cases. That is a practice, in my opinion, that is steeped in confusion as it makes determination of paternity nearly impossible. I apologize if I misinterpreted what you said. Are we good now?
But in polyandrous societies, determining paternity was not necessary to them as they raised the children in a collective society and did not care. And it is not as rare in some societies as we think.
And with DNA testing now, that is essentially not a problem.
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