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Loyality and Fidelity
Topic Started: Nov 30 2010, 07:42 PM (3,057 Views)
tayter80
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I was having a conversation with my grandmother over the past holiday weekend about faithfulness. Some years ago my grandfather had an affair with a woman who had his child. I always wondered how my grandmother could have stayed with him after such a betrayal. I finally ask her about it and she basically said this, yes it hurt her, but never once during that time did she feel that she had lost my grandfathers love or loyality to her. She told me that faithfulness may come and go in a relationship, but once you no longer have loyality to one another the relationship is over. This got me to thinking, is loyality more important than fidelity in a relationship? Can you even seperate loyality from fidelity?? What do you guys think...
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Chicago
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Tayter that's a hard one, if your grandmother had cheated on your grandfather and got pregant by an outside man. My question is would your grandfather be saying the samething that your grandmother said?
Edited by Chicago, Nov 30 2010, 07:52 PM.
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tayter80
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Honestly Chicago, I think he would. There is one thing I know for sure my grandparents love one another and believe in staying married til death do them part.
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Chicago
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tayter80
Nov 30 2010, 07:59 PM
Honestly Chicago, I think he would. There is one thing I know for sure my grandparents love one another and believe in staying married til death do them part.
I'm a man and trust me, I don't think your grandfather would take your grandmother back if she got pregnant by and outside man.
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tayter80
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Chicago
Nov 30 2010, 08:01 PM
tayter80
Nov 30 2010, 07:59 PM
Honestly Chicago, I think he would. There is one thing I know for sure my grandparents love one another and believe in staying married til death do them part.
I'm a man and trust me, I don't think your grandfather would take your grandmother back if she got pregnant by and outside man.
You maybe a man, but I KNOW my grandfather.
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Chicago
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tayter80
Nov 30 2010, 08:07 PM
Chicago
Nov 30 2010, 08:01 PM
tayter80
Nov 30 2010, 07:59 PM
Honestly Chicago, I think he would. There is one thing I know for sure my grandparents love one another and believe in staying married til death do them part.
I'm a man and trust me, I don't think your grandfather would take your grandmother back if she got pregnant by and outside man.
You maybe a man, but I KNOW my grandfather.
You've never seen your grandfather have to deal with that, the thought of another man's seed growing inside of your grandmother, that would be too much for him to handle.

A lot of women would not have accepted your grandfather back, after he got an outside women pregnant. Senator John Edwards got an outside woman pregnant, and his wife divorced him, you can't blame her for doing that. Because how can you trust a cheater?
Edited by Chicago, Nov 30 2010, 08:23 PM.
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memdear70
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Chicago
Nov 30 2010, 08:22 PM
tayter80
Nov 30 2010, 08:07 PM
Chicago
Nov 30 2010, 08:01 PM
tayter80
Nov 30 2010, 07:59 PM
Honestly Chicago, I think he would. There is one thing I know for sure my grandparents love one another and believe in staying married til death do them part.
I'm a man and trust me, I don't think your grandfather would take your grandmother back if she got pregnant by and outside man.
You maybe a man, but I KNOW my grandfather.
You've never seen your grandfather have to deal with that, the thought of another man's seed growing inside of your grandmother, that would be too much for him to handle.

A lot of women would not have accepted your grandfather back, after he got an outside women pregnant. Senator John Edwards got an outside woman pregnant, and his wife divorced him, you can't blame her for doing that. Because how can you trust a cheater?
Chi; God forgives us each day for the stupid shiz we pull daily, so why is it so hard to believe that a human being can forgive another for something they did? We're not bigger than God you know. I admire any woman/man who can sincerely forgive their spouses for an indiscretion inject into their union. I couldn't because my marriage was not sound enough during the last few years before we separated. As far as separating loyalty and fidelity, v....e....r....y thin line, but that's just MO.
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Mister J
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Ms. Tayter, your grandmother is passing on a bit of 'old-school' wisdom to you and I'm confident she can satisfactorily, answer your final question, as well.

One of the disadvantages to imitating a culture of 'individualism' and 'nuclear family', separated in both space and ideas from the older living generations, is the loss of generational input (female AND male) to our relationships; to make some sense of some of the problematic experiences we face along the way.
Thus, instead of soliciting and getting input from those who have 'walked the walk' and have our better interest at heart... young "adults" are getting almost all of their influences from T.V., music, the internet and from peers and co-workers.
The result is a lot of unsound, or corrupt, or unqualified, or misleading, or simply, 'the blind leading the blind', type input.

Which is why, even at your age, you are posing the question of 'loyalty' vs. 'fidelity'.

I'll reserve my own answer to that question 'till later.
Edited by Mister J, Dec 1 2010, 12:15 AM.
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negroplease

I just have to ask how loyal were you if you stepped out on your marriage.

Loyalty and Fidelity are technically synonyms. I suppose if you think sleeping with others and stepping outside of your marriage while still taking care of your family and providing for them is loyalty, then you can still have it. And many a men think they can do that. But I see that as a loyalty to the committment you made to take care of your family and not a committment you made to love and cherish your wife. Now I can say you can still love someone and cheat perhaps once. Mistakes happen, but repeated stepping out. I think not.


And the answer to your question can only be answered on an individual basis. Perhaps "loyalty" is more important than fidelity. Depends on who you are asking. Many women are fine with cheating husbands, or men who have two women as long as they "provide" for them and give them "love", "affection", and the feeling of "loyalty".

And yes my quotations are intended to mean these things are not really love, affection and loyalty to me.

All that said mistakes happen and people do learn to forgive, forget and move on. And work through this all for the sake of love loyalty and committment. Couldn't be me though.

And before anyone comes in here and says that is why couples stayed together back then, yes its true, people were willing to put up with alot more bullshit back then and to continue to allow it to happen while often having feelings of resentment and unhappiness because divorce was taboo, or they thought they had to live this way.
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Black Republican
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memdear70
Nov 30 2010, 08:44 PM
Chicago
Nov 30 2010, 08:22 PM
tayter80
Nov 30 2010, 08:07 PM
Chicago
Nov 30 2010, 08:01 PM
tayter80
Nov 30 2010, 07:59 PM
Honestly Chicago, I think he would. There is one thing I know for sure my grandparents love one another and believe in staying married til death do them part.
I'm a man and trust me, I don't think your grandfather would take your grandmother back if she got pregnant by and outside man.
You maybe a man, but I KNOW my grandfather.
You've never seen your grandfather have to deal with that, the thought of another man's seed growing inside of your grandmother, that would be too much for him to handle.

A lot of women would not have accepted your grandfather back, after he got an outside women pregnant. Senator John Edwards got an outside woman pregnant, and his wife divorced him, you can't blame her for doing that. Because how can you trust a cheater?
Chi; God forgives us each day for the stupid shiz we pull daily, so why is it so hard to believe that a human being can forgive another for something they did? We're not bigger than God you know. I admire any woman/man who can sincerely forgive their spouses for an indiscretion inject into their union. I couldn't because my marriage was not sound enough during the last few years before we separated. As far as separating loyalty and fidelity, v....e....r....y thin line, but that's just MO.
Meamder I agree with Chicago, if a man is married to woman and she gets pregnant by another man he's not going to be quick to take her back, and even if he takes her back he's never going to forget it. He's going to always have that hanging over her head.
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