| Are Black Women driving Black Men Away; General Discusiion | |
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| Topic Started: Dec 6 2009, 11:56 PM (1,680 Views) | |
| Deleted User | Dec 10 2009, 11:53 PM Post #11 |
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So you think change is simple, do you? I could change, but then I'd be real bitch. Beware of what you ask for, you may get it in ways unexpected. As to being supportive, stop generalizing. I can only speak for myself and the friends that I have when I say that we are supportive. My supportive and nurturing nature was even abused. However, I own that as I allowed it to happen. I was supportive when the black man I was with lost his job while we were engaged and in the first trimester of pregnancy (we got engaged before conception). I was nothing but supportive when he "tried" to run a small business which included providing a monetary gift and a loan to get him going. And that turned into years of support as our now born child got older and he announced he was going to be a "stay at home dad" even as he demanded our child be enrolled in $215/wk daycare that I paid for. Additionally, I was paying $1200/month for the family's health insurance plan. And in return, my house was a disaster, I would come home tired and hungry and there would be nothing prepared for me to eat (and he could cook like it was nobody's business) and he would have spent all day on the internet. To be straight, I paid every single bill, including some of his frivolous nonsense bills. He knew there was a mouse or mice in the house and while he complained about it, he wouldn't clean up and address it. I was the one who cleaned up all the mess and sealed everything up using steel wool and insulation in a can as he sat on his hind parts because I didn't want our child to get bitten and mice excrete waste everywhere they walk so they are a health hazard as well. It took years before I was finally able to successfully kick his leeching behind out of my house. I am glad I didn't marry him or I'd be paying alimony right now. Point is even though I went through some trying relationships with black men, I would never generalize them all based on those bad relationships because that's not fair to them all. My friends all remark on how amazed they are that I'm not bitter after this last experience. And I explain that I realize my hand in it all and subsequently changed my thinking. I am glad I didn't let that bias me against black men because I am with a wonderful black man now who has my love, respect, admiration and friendship and in return he is everything a good woman could ask for. Therefore, I advise to not generalize and let anger and bitterness get the best of you. You may miss out on the best person you'll have never known. |
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| pn2b2r | Dec 11 2009, 01:23 AM Post #12 |
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Hhhhmmm... as I read some of the replies, and reflect on the pics, I couldn't help but think about my own experience. I am a black women who has been blessed to have been in a black on black relationship with my husband for 23 years. I met my husband when I was 16 in 1987, when he was riding a 10 speed bike to college:>... and no he's not on a 10 speed bike. The thing is, we have some of the same values, so this may not be fair. Even back in the day, that wasn't common. It's up to the individual and what past experiences that drives them to be attracted to certain types of people. I love a black man, even his struggles. Now, we moved to Oregon, a place that, what you've seen in those pics is an everyday experience. The first thing we noticed was how black men would avoid eye contact with us. You know how we do it - the nod of recognition. Oh no, we were invisible. Of course, my husband and I would get a laugh out of it. What's a trip is when we attend our daughter games; we are ALWAYS the only black couple, where there's 4 to 5 black men with white women and bi-racial kids. This may sound crazy, but it's absolutely liberating... it's a proud feeling to be the only black couple. As for black men and white women relationships... as my husband (who's an educated man) and his 6 black country brotha's say (and I asked) , it's about control and escaping. Black men do not want to give up control and "some" black women don't know how to be submissive... ask me how I know. On top of those two HUGE hurdles... a black women is a constant reminder of a black man struggles. The successful/celebrity ones; the writing is on the wall - they don't want to be reminded. A black women is a reminder, just by her looks... she doesn't even have to even open her mouth. All it takes is one look and "we" got it and I love it. And yes, beauty comes in all colors, but there is nothing like being black. My own opinion, "some" of those black men are running.... the ones who "exclusively" date women who do not look like their mommas. The rest... hey, to each is own. I don't have no problem, but then I have a man who is very confident in who he is and his struggles... he has someone who can understand what it's like to be black. There's nothing like it. As 2 Pac says (though he is in one of the pics - suspect) "the blacker the berry, the deeper the roots." |
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| Oklas90 | Dec 11 2009, 02:01 AM Post #13 |
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bastonecannella, pn2b2r.....your replies make me smile....I'm in Oklahoma and a lot of these Black men act as if having a white woman is Gold!!! I admit I tried to talk to a couple of white women but there's simply no relation...I can't do it, there's nothing a White woman can relate to me about except for being a human being lol. I have told myself for years now that I would rather be by myself than be without a sista, and that's just the way its going to be. I know there's some good ones out there, and I have faith. |
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| Deleted User | Dec 11 2009, 08:12 AM Post #14 |
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I am glad that you have faith and have not resorted to unfair generalizations. Based on your response, you are likely particular and want a partnership and I hope you find someone to have that partnership with. When you do, it is amazing! |
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| Kimberly 1 | Dec 11 2009, 11:26 AM Post #15 |
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Wow, I think it's unfortunate that many times we forget this is not anew problem This is all a result of the Williw Lynch letter and what was taught to us during slavery .We are taught anything "light or white as right'! As a small business owner I see it to often! Let's put the blame where it should be and that's with us. Forget the ballers who hook up with the white women that's not our real issue. Let' deal with us respecting, fostering loving relationships with in our family and community. That's only a small part of the population we know that now let's address the root of the problem so we don't spend another 200 years chating about such a non productive issue! |
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| jocey53 | Dec 11 2009, 11:27 AM Post #16 |
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I get really tired of men making excuses for wanting to date outside their race. I am even more tired of them doing it on the backs of "BLACK WOMEN". If you want to date outside your race then feel free to do so. But do not try to justify it by saying that it is because black women are driving you away. Do it because that is what you like. I am a very sucessful "Black Woman". I have not been done well by black men. I have been cheated on, abused, and used. Does that make me hate black men.......NO! Does that make me want to stop dating black men........NO! None of those things make you choose another race. But what you are doing in essence is making it OK for other races to think badly about black women and that is not right. At the end of the day we are all black people and should be building each other up and not the opposite. That makes us crabs in a barrel. If you choose to date outside your race.......good for you! But please do not blame it on the women that are your race. Beacuse if you are searching for a reason and the only one that you can come up with is that black women are driving you away then to me that means that you are not really comfortable with what you are doing in the first place; but you need someones toes to step on so why not step on the toes of the people who are struggling to find a decent relationship just like you (black women). There are jacked up people in every race some show it right away and others hide it and when you least expect it suprise you with it. In conclusion, please stop blaming black women for your choices. They are in fact and simply your choice. I as a black woman with a masters degree who is interested in being an with a black man to build him up so that we can grow together, not to take his money and certainly not to cheat on him. But if a white man, or a spanish man, or an indian man, or an african man come along and fits the bill of what I am looking for and we fall in love so be it. But please believe I will not say that it was those black men who dogged me out that drove me to my choice. |
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| ElectricElevator | Dec 17 2009, 08:13 PM Post #17 |
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I dont date outside my race... But I'm tired as you are. But I'm tired of black women finding constant fault with black men.... including their crossing racial boundries. |
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| Truth95 | Dec 17 2009, 10:13 PM Post #18 |
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Black people were divied long before the Willie Lynch letter, just like at Africa. In Africa Blacks are destroying each other based on Tribalism. |
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| Sunflower | Dec 19 2009, 07:18 AM Post #19 |
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I AGREE that is what I have been trying to say. However, I respect everyone opinion because we all have one.
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| Sunflower | Dec 19 2009, 07:23 AM Post #20 |
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Jocey I agree if I decide to date anyting other than a black man, it will be my choice not because of the tired black men I have encountered. After having my last child who is 10 years old now I decided to not date for approx. 18 months to do some soul searching. I had to re-evaluate me who I was and why I was choose to date the black men I was dating. |
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I AGREE that is what I have been trying to say. However, I respect everyone opinion because we all have one.
3:31 PM Jul 11