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Bleach: Soul Slayers
Topic Started: December 24, 2014, 10:30 am (1,337 Views)
Onime No Ryu
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I'll be your Undertaker this evening
Okie dokie guys, now you get to judge my character and tell me whether or not you think he's overpowered or anything. Lemme know if you think there's a way to improve anything about him, as well!


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Arcvalons
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Lord of the Octoroks, all hail!
Name:
Hoshiyo Sei

Gender:
Male

Race:
Soul Reaper

Appearance:
Posted Image

Backstory:
Sei is one who cares much more about style than the avarage person. All of his moves and techniques are extremely flashy, though that doesn't mean they aren't powerful as well. He is generally outgoing and always makes his opinions on the matters at hand be known at once, yet at the same time he is cool and composed. When asked, he simply responds it's all part of his 'theme'.

Powers and Abilities:

  • Master Marksman: Sei's most skilled with the gun.
  • Ranged Specialist: Sei usually uses his gun to take Hollows from a distance before they can get too close.
  • Zanpakutou:

    • Yūgō (融合) /Fusion

      • Fusion is a gunblade, its appareance is very futuristic.

        • Ganmasen bāsuto (ガンマ線バースト)/ Gamma Ray Burst: A particularly powerful beam, relatively fast (for characters of similar level to him, as stronger ones could evade it easily) and especially very wide (enough to engulf a man whole). The catch is that is fired from both sides of the gunblade at the same time, not from the front or from behind, making it especially useful for odd surprise attacks.
        • Nova (新星) / Nova: The gunblade fires a slow moving sphere of energy, which explodes at the whim of Sei, causing a large explosion with a radius of several meters.
        • Seiun (星雲) / Nebula: The gunblade releases a large cloud of anti-spirit dust- this distrupts the spiritual energy control of surrounding foes.






Edited by Arcvalons, December 30, 2014, 6:07 pm.
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Onime No Ryu
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I'll be your Undertaker this evening
Arcvalons
December 30, 2014, 5:22 pm
Name:
Sei Rigel

Gender:
Male

Race:
Soul Reaper

Appearance:
Posted Image

Backstory:
Rigel is one who cares much more about style than the avarage person. All of his moves and techniques are extremely flashy, though that doesn't mean they aren't powerful as well. He is generally outgoing and always makes his opinions on the matters at hand be known at once, yet at the same time he is cool and composed. When asked, he simply responds it's all part of his 'theme'.

Powers and Abilities:

  • Master Marksman: Rigel's most skilled with the gun.
  • Ranged Specialist: Rigel usually uses his gun to take Hollows from a distance before they can get too close.
  • Zanpakutou:

    • Fusion

      • Fusion is a gunblade, its appareance is very futuristic.

        • Gamma Ray Burst: A particularly powerful beam, very fast and especially very wide (enough to engulf a man whole). The catch is that is fired from both sides of the gunblade at the same time, not from the front or from behind, making it especially useful for odd surprise attacks.
        • Nova: The gunblade fires a slow moving sphere of energy, which explodes at the whim of the Rigel, causing a large explosion with a radius of several meters.
        • Nebula: The gunblade releases a large cloud of dust, hydrogen, helium,and other ionized gases- these distrupts the spiritual energy control of surrounding foes.






I like the idea of him being a kind of silly, flashy character obsessed with style and whatnot. Even though the RP does have a serious story, characters like this can be kind of neat too, as long as it's not too much or at the wrong time. There are, however, a few things I'd like to address:

"Rigel" isn't a super-fitting name, to be honest. With Kaze it's impossible to get him to do something not western fantasy themed, and Albane's got German heritage along with her Japanese and has probably been around the world a few times, but I'd really like this to, you know, "fit" the themes of Bleach. It's got a very distinct Japanese feel to it, and while I'm not saying everyone needs to make weeaboo characters, I mean it needs to feel consistent.

His backstory is fine as a personality blurb, but that's kind of all it is. Could you flesh it out a little?

His abilities need a slight bit of tweaking--Gamma Ray Burst seems overpowered because it's fast and has a lot of range. Nebula doesn't have to release specific ionized atoms or anything, just say that it's like "spirit chaff" or whatever.

Other than that the only real problems are the names. If you would like to use those English equivalents for the sake of the reader, I'd still like to at least have another version just so it's known that "if you were watching this subbed, these would be the names you'd hear."

If you need any help I've gotten pretty good at using google translate and a kanji dictionary to come up with interesting and what seem to be correct names, so lemme know and I'd be glad to assist.
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Primera Espada Yggdra
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The Kitty Cat, Mew!~
Name:
Onikage Izayoi (Onikage is the family name by the way)
Age:
Although physically around 20, she is actually hundreds of years old.
Gender:
Female
Race:
Shinigami

Appearance:
Izayoi wears a sleeved white haori with the number of her division on the back inside a rhombus. As head of the Onmitsukido, Izayoi wears a sleeveless and backless Shinigami outfit underneath the haori. She also wears a tactical black belt instead of sash, which contains tools for various situations. She has yellow eyes and shoulder length purple hair with slightly curly hair. She also has a fit build and is 5'3 in height.
Backstory:
Izayoi was born into the Onikage clan, which was a noble family in Seireitei. The Onikage were one of the clans where its members were to become members of the Onmitsukido. To ensure that she would be qualified for a member, Izayoi was trained in the basic Shinigami arts, but she was also trained in the art of assassination as well. As heir to being the clan head, she was trained day and night ever since she was little so she could eventually make the clan proud. Of course, this meant that she had little time to interact and make friends.

Although she became a skilled warrior as a result of her vigorous training, she did not really have any friends. As a result, she became aloof. However, she had always been interested in the new technologies that the Shinigami brought in from the human world. Many of the Shinigami around her had friends and upon witnessing the happiness they expressed, the girl wondered about the possibility of herself making friends. Of course, this was difficult because she was not a very sociable person.

After her graduation from the Shinigami Academy, Izayoi joined both the 2nd Division and the Onmitsukido's Executive Militia. Over the years, Izayoi proved herself as a capable Shinigami. In the 2nd Division, she started out as the 10th seat. Eventually, she climbed the ranks and became the Vice-Captain of the 2nd Division. Her captain at the time was also the Commander-in-Chief of the Onmitsukido. As more years passed, Izayoi eventually succeeded her predecessor as both captain of the 2nd Division and Commander-in-Chief of the Onmitsukido, as well as the Corps Commander of the Executive Militia.

Powers and Abilities:

  • Master Swordsman: As a Shinigami captain, Izayoi is highly proficient in swordsmanship.
  • Shunpo Master: As the leader of the Onmitsukido, Izayoi is highly proficient in Shunpo and possibly the fastest one among the captains.
  • Hakuda Master: As the leader of the Onmitsukido, Izayoi is also highly proficient in hand-to-hand combat, although she prefers to use her Zanpakuto to kill an opponent. Therefore, Hakuda would be more of a backup as swordsmanship would be the preferred style, although she can also mix them together as well.
  • Skilled Kido User: Although this is her weakest field, Izayoi would implement Kido if it is necessary as it can be an asset to her in combat and assassinations. While not a master like numerous of her fellow captains, her Kido capabilities would be a little above that of a Vice-Captain.
  • Great Spiritual Pressure: As a Shinigami having served as a captain for many years, Izayoi is powerful enough to exert an immense amount of spiritual pressure.
  • Masterful Spiritual Control: As leader of the Onmitsukido, Izayoi has learned to hide her spiritual presence from detection.
  • Assassin: As leader of the Onmitsukido, Izayoi is competent in conducting assassinations. She had been trained in this art ever since she was a child.
  • Strategist: As a captain and leader of the Onmitsukido, Izayoi is capable of adapting to situations and analyzing the enemy's techniques.
  • Enhanced Strength: As a captain, Izayoi is strong enough to send weak enemies flying, but her strength would be that of a captain's level.
  • Enhanced Durability: Izayoi is capable of taking a considerable amount of hits and continue fighting. Even though her body structure would make people doubt, she is a resilient fighter. While perhaps she is not as durable as some of the other captains, she would definitely be more durable than lower ranked Shinigami.

  • Zanpakutou;
          Amayataifu (天夜台風; Heaven Night Typhoon)
          "Silence the enemy"
              In its sealed form, Izayoi's weapon takes the form of a wakizashi with a black and red handle. Upon release, the sword becomes two, with the blades of both swords becoming pitch black in colour.
                   Names for special techniques.
  • Bankai;
         Not yet revealed.
Edited by Primera Espada Yggdra, December 30, 2014, 9:06 pm.
Posted ImagePosted ImagePosted ImagePosted Image
Because...


My Imagination When talking with you. - Person A

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Onime No Ryu
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I'll be your Undertaker this evening
Primera Espada Yggdra
December 30, 2014, 5:58 pm
Name:
Onikage Izayoi (Onikage is the family name by the way)
Age:
Although physically around 20, she is actually hundreds of years old.
Gender:
Female
Race:
Shinigami

Appearance:
X
Backstory:
X

Powers and Abilities:

  • Master Swordsman: As a Shinigami captain, Izayoi is highly proficient in swordsmanship.
  • Shunpo Master: As the leader of the Onmitsukido, Izayoi is highly proficient in Shunpo and possibly the fastest one among the captains.
  • Hakuda Master: As the leader of the Onmitsukido, Izayoi is also highly proficient in hand-to-hand combat, although she prefers to use her Zanpakuto to kill an opponent.
  • Kido Expert: Although this is her weakest field, Izayoi would implement Kido if it is necessary as it can be an asset to her in combat and assassinations.
  • Immense Spiritual Pressure: As a Shinigami having served as a captain for many years, Izayoi is powerful enough to exert an immense amount of spiritual pressure.
  • Masterful Spiritual Control: As leader of the Onmitsukido, Izayoi has learned to hide her spiritual presence from detection.
  • Assassin: As leader of the Onmitsukido, Izayoi is competent in conducting assassinations. She had been trained in this art ever since she was a child.
  • Strategist: As a captain and leader of the Onmitsukido, Izayoi is capable of adapting to situations and analyzing the enemy's techniques.
  • Enhanced Strength: As a captain, Izayoi is strong enough to send enemies flying.
  • Enhanced Durability: Izayoi is capable of taking a considerable amount of hits and continue fighting. Even though her body structure would make people doubt, she is a resilient fighter.

  • Zanpakutou;
          Amayataifu (天夜台風; Heaven Night Typhoon)
          Silence the enemy
              The shape of the sword, or the form it grants in the case of Hollows, and a description of its abilities.
                   Names for special techniques.
  • Bankai;
         Not yet revealed.
Since this is still a work in progress I'm just sticking to a few things, mostly in the Powers and Abilities section:

You've got a whole lot of strengths, but not a lot of weaknesses. While I haven't enforced a strict ranking system or anything, in general it kinda goes like "Normal>Expert>Master" and things like "Above Average, Good, Decent" would be slightly above normal but not expert, and so on and so forth.

As a captain of the 2nd Division, she would of course be powerful. But speed and efficiency are going to be her real specialties.

If she's a magic kind of ninja, the kind who make the handsigns and do the fancy seals, Kido and Swordsmanship will probably be her primary abilities. But from what I've seen and what you've talked about, she's the rogue kind of ninja, who sneaks in the shadows and does not-so-high damage but at high speeds for good DPS. In that case, Swordsmanship, Hand to Hand, and Speed are going to be her forte.

However, because that's three areas as opposed to two, at least one of them is going to be a little bit lesser compared to the others. Is she a ninja that would rather have a weapon, or is the weapon just a convenience? Depending on that, either her swordsmanship or hand to hand would be weaker. Is she a ninja that sneaks in, without anyone seeing her, and takes out the primary target before escaping? Or is she a ninja that blitzes into the compound so fast that even though everyone saw her, she's killed her target and his guards and jumped over the back wall? Depending on that, her movement speed or stealth abilities will be weaker.

Because she doesn't need Kido at all, it should be pretty weak, at least compared to other captains if not in general.

Because she seems based on speedy and efficient fighting, her brute strength shouldn't be so great. And for that same reason, she shouldn't be very tanky, so her durability shouldn't be that much greater than normal for a Soul Reaper.

Captains do have higher spirit powers and spirit pressure than other Soul Reapers, usually, but to say it's immense is a bit of a stretch. Yamamoto is immense. Soi Fong's definitely strong, but I don't think she's even as strong spiritual wise as Kenpachi was during the Soul Society arc.

If you could adjust things a little bit to try and balance them out, that would be much preferable. As it is right now, she just has kind of a ridiculous number of strengths, some of which are at ridiculous levels.

Captains are supposed to be upper tier, definitely. But in the context of an RP, we still want things to be fair, okay?
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