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Once upon a time.........
Topic Started: Wednesday 4-08-2010, 03:39 (42 Views)
Leaffan20
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It all started when our star, Ribs, woke up in a forest. It was the fifth time it had happened. Feeling very pleased, Ribs grabbed a oven mitt, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Soon afterward, he realized that his beloved diary was missing! Immediately he called his friend, Deaderrose. Ribs had known Deaderrose for (plus or minus) one million years, the majority of which were sassy ones. Deaderrose was unique. She was outgoing though sometimes a little... pestering. Ribs called her anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Deaderrose picked up to a very mad Ribs. Deaderrose calmly assured him that most bunnies turn red before mating, yet koalas usually wildly yawn *after* mating. She had no idea what that meant; she was only concerned with distracting Ribs. Why was Deaderrose trying to distract Ribs? Because she had snuck out from Ribs's with the diary only five days prior. It was a exotic little diary... how could she resist?

It didn't take long before Ribs got back to the subject at hand: his diary. Deaderrose sneezed. Relunctantly, Deaderrose invited him over, assuring him they'd find the diary. Ribs grabbed his coffee table and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Deaderrose realized that she was in trouble. She had to find a place to hide the diary and she had to do it skillfully. She figured that if Ribs took the Vette, she had take at least ten minutes before Ribs would get there. But if he took the time machine? Then Deaderrose would be abnormally screwed.

Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Deaderrose was interrupted by eight clueless Care Bears that were lured by her diary. Deaderrose cringed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling concerned, she aimlessly reached for her pencil and aggressively punched every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the vineyard, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That's when she heard the time machine rolling up. It was Ribs.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at The Salvation Army to pick up a 12-pack of socks, so he knew he was running late. With a inept leap, Ribs was out of the time machine and went wildly jaunting toward Deaderrose's front door. Meanwhile inside, Deaderrose was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the diary into a box of oven mitts and then slid the box behind her grandfather clock. Deaderrose was worried but at least the diary was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Deaderrose scandalously purred. With a hasty push, Ribs opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some abrasive genius in a Geo Metro,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Deaderrose assured him. Ribs took a seat right next to where Deaderrose had hidden the diary. Deaderrose turned red trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Ribs was distracted. Unexpectedly, Deaderrose noticed a clueless look on Ribs's face. Ribs slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Deaderrose felt a stabbing pain in her butt when Ribs asked this. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the diary right by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A funny-smelling look started to form on Ribs's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's oven mitts from when she used to have pet otters. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Ribs nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Deaderrose could react, Ribs aimlessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The diary was plainly in view.

Ribs stared at Deaderrose for what what must've been four nanoseconds. Out of nowhere, Deaderrose groped exotically in Ribs's direction, clearly desperate. Ribs grabbed the diary and bolted for the door. It was locked. Deaderrose let out a exotic chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Ribs,' she rebuked. Deaderrose always had been a little annoying, so Ribs knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Deaderrose did something crazy, like... start chucking butterknifes at her or something. Almost immediately, he gripped his diary tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

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Deaderrose looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Ribs. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tinge of concern for Ribs. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Deaderrose walked over to the window and looked down. Ribs was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Ribs was struggling to make his way through the desert behind Deaderrose's place. Ribs had severely hurt his arm during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Care Bears suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the diary. One by one they latched on to Ribs. Already weakened from his injury, Ribs yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Care Bears running off with his diary.

About six hours later, Ribs awoke, his abdomen throbbing. It was dark and Ribs did not know where he was. Deep in the lonely jungle, Ribs was alarmingly lost. A few minutes later, he remembered that his diary was taken by the Care Bears. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a oversized Care Bear emerged from the thicket. It was the alpha Care Bear. Ribs opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the Care Bear sunk its teeth into Ribs's back. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Ribs's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than four miles away, Deaderrose was entombed by anguish over the loss of the diary. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened pencil. With a mighty thrust, she buried it deeply into her neck. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Ribs... wishing she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die alone that day. All that remained was the diary that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Care Bears, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(


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Leaffan20
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It all started when our protagonist, carter, woke up in a bush. It was the eighth time it had happened. Feeling overwhelmingly stunned, carter stroked a mitten, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). All of a sudden, he realized that his beloved Pencil was missing! Immediately he called hisundefined, curtis. carter had known curtis for (plus or minus) one million years, the majority of which were flamboyant ones. curtis was unique. He was congenial though sometimes a little... funny-smelling. carter called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

curtis picked up to a very mad carter. curtis calmly assured him that most kittens turn red before mating, yet koalas usually earnestly turn red *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting carter. Why was curtis trying to distract carter? Because he had snuck out from carter's with the Pencil only eight days prior. It was a electric little Pencil... how could he resist?

It didn't take long before carter got back to the subject at hand: his Pencil. curtis sighed. Relunctantly, curtis invited him over, assuring him they'd find the Pencil. carter grabbed his television and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, curtis realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Pencil and he had to do it recklessly. He figured that if carter took the ricer, he had take at least three minutes before carter would get there. But if he took the batmobile? Then curtis would be abnormally screwed.

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, curtis was interrupted by seven pestering dogs that were lured by his Pencil. curtis yawned; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling stunned, he aptly reached for his salt shaker and thoughtfully attacked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the thicket, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the batmobile rolling up. It was carter.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at McDonald's to pick up a 12-pack of forks, so he knew he was running late. With a heroic leap, carter was out of the batmobile and went indiscriminately jaunting toward curtis's front door. Meanwhile inside, curtis was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Pencil into a box of paper clips and then slid the box behind his grandfather clock. curtis was stunned but at least the Pencil was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' curtis earnestly purred. With a hasty push, carter opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some dimwitted outcast in a ricer,' he lied. 'It's fine,' curtis assured him. carter took a seat outside where curtis had hidden the Pencil. curtis sneezed trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But carter was distracted. A few minutes later, curtis noticed a pestering look on carter's face. carter slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

curtis felt a stabbing pain in his leg when carter asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Pencil right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A funny-smelling look started to form on carter's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's spoons from when she used to have pet koalas. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. carter nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before curtis could react, carter fearlessly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Pencil was plainly in view.

carter stared at curtis for what what must've been four seconds. Without warning, curtis groped exotically in carter's direction, clearly desperate. carter grabbed the Pencil and bolted for the door. It was locked. curtis let out a enticing chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, carter,' he rebuked. curtis always had been a little insensitive, so carter knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before curtis did something crazy, like... start chucking staplers at him or something. Out of nowhere, he gripped his Pencil tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

curtis looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from carter. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for carter. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. curtis walked over to the window and looked down. carter was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, carter was struggling to make his way through the moor behind curtis's place. carter had severely hurt his face during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral dogs suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Pencil. One by one they latched on to carter. Already weakened from his injury, carter yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of dogs running off with his Pencil.

But then God came down with His smart smile
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and restored carter's Pencil. Feeling concerned, God smote the dogs for their injustice. Then He got in His Vette and whizzed away with the fortitude of half a million koalas running from a little pack of
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. carter skipped with joy when he saw this. His Pencil was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in eleven minutes his favorite TV show, LOST, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When puppies meet gun'). carter was jubilant. And so, everyone except curtis and a few gun-toting capybaras lived blissfully happy, forever after.

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Leaffan20
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Don't Blink!
It all started when our overrated adventurer, Paulus, woke up in a foxy forest. It was the ninth time it had happened. Feeling barely concerned, Paulus groped a live hand grenade, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Unaware of the bleakness of existence, he realized that his beloved EN was missing! Immediately he called his overtly elitist, rich friend, Robman. Paulus had known Robman for (plus or minus) 20 years, the majority of which were saucy ones. Robman was unique. He was congenial though sometimes a little... funny-smelling. Paulus called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Robman picked up to a very glad Paulus. Robman calmly assured him that most man-eating capybaras yawn before mating, yet albino cats usually charismatically cringe *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Paulus. Why was Robman trying to distract Paulus? Because he had snuck out from Paulus's with the EN only eight days prior. It was a eccentric little EN... how could he resist?

It didn't take long before Paulus got back to the subject at hand: his EN. Robman shuddered. Relunctantly, Robman invited him over, assuring him they'd find the EN. Paulus grabbed his giraffe and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Robman realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the EN and he had to do it randomly. He figured that if Paulus took the rice rocket, he had take at least five minutes before Paulus would get there. But if he took the Volvo? Then Robman would be ridiculously screwed.

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Robman was interrupted by eleven funny-smelling seagulls that were lured by his EN. Robman panicked; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling pleased, he skillfully reached for his gerbil and fearlessly groped every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the haunted thicket, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Volvo rolling up. It was Paulus.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Sears to pick up a 12-pack of bananas, so he knew he was running late. With a apt leap, Paulus was out of the Volvo and went flamboyantly jaunting toward Robman's front door. Meanwhile inside, Robman was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the EN into a box of dangerous oil-soaked rags and then slid the box behind his giraffe. Robman was displeased but at least the EN was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Robman charismatically purred. With a mighty push, Paulus opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some oafish genocidal maniac in a gas-guzzling, ecology-destroying, tankish SUV,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Robman assured him. Paulus took a seat ridiculously unclose to where Robman had hidden the EN. Robman sneezed trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Paulus was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Robman noticed a stupid look on Paulus's face. Paulus slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Robman felt a stabbing pain in his shin when Paulus asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the EN right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A oafish look started to form on Paulus's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's potatos from when she used to have pet Indonesian devil cats. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Paulus nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Robman could react, Paulus randomly lunged toward the box and opened it. The EN was plainly in view.

Paulus stared at Robman for what what must've been three nanoseconds. A few unsatisfying minutes later, Robman groped charismatically in Paulus's direction, clearly desperate. Paulus grabbed the EN and bolted for the door. It was locked. Robman let out a striking chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Paulus,' he rebuked. Robman always had been a little annoying, so Paulus knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Robman did something crazy, like... start chucking ripened avocados at him or something. A few unfulfilled decades later, he gripped his EN tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Robman looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Paulus. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame seven days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Paulus. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Robman walked over to the window and looked down. Paulus was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Paulus was struggling to make his way through the imaginery desert behind Robman's place. Paulus had severely hurt his prostate during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral seagulls suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the EN. One by one they latched on to Paulus. Already weakened from his injury,
Spoiler: click to toggle
yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of seagulls running off with his EN.

About seven hours later, Paulus awoke, his scalp throbbing. It was dark and Paulus did not know where he was. Deep in the humid swamp, Paulus was excessively lost. Absolutely thrilled, he remembered that his EN was taken by the seagulls. But at that point, he was just thankful for his life. That's when, to his horror, a huge seagull emerged from the secret vineyard. It was the alpha seagull. Paulus opened his mouth to scream but was cut short when the seagull sunk its teeth into Paulus's fingernail. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Paulus's lungs, but not before he realized that he was a failure.

Less than two miles away, Robman was entombed by anguish over the loss of the EN. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened banana. With a mighty thrust, he buried it deeply into his scalp. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Paulus... wishing he had found the courage to tell him that he loved him. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the EN that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy
Spoiler: click to toggle
sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant seagulls, desecrating all things sacred
Spoiler: click to toggle
to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(

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