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Check it out holmes
Topic Started: Tuesday 27-07-2010, 05:57 (305 Views)
Malion
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King Kong
Scene opens on an eye, it is a green eye, and although I knew whose eye it was instantly, I will refrain from saying until you actually see the character onscreen.
We are in a suburban home and there is a woman with blonde hair, she doesn’t look familiar though… she is primping, and plays some music, it’s Downtown… and it makes me want to dance… which is what she does…

Soon she is done and runs to the kitchen, she pulls out some burned muffins, and burns her hand dropping them on the floor. The doorbell rings… it’s a neighbor, they are talking about something unimportant, and a man is working on the plumbing with his head hidden… he sounds familiar though.

Cut forward to a book club meeting, a man with glasses is ranting that the Steven King novel is the worst book ever… but the blonde chick who picked the book is annoyed saying that she doesn’t care and that it was her favorite book ever.

There’s a loud explosion or earthquake and everyone screams and runs about, the blonde screams to get under the doorway… but soon enough everything returns to normal and blonde goes out to see what happened with everyone else… the plumber runs out from under the house… it’s Ethan… I knew it, well not really, but whatever.

People are looking at the sky as Fake Henry is there as well… there is a roar in the air as they see in the sky…. No not a UFO or something like that… but a plane… and plane breaking into three pieces. Gasp! It’s the island… dang the others have got it made.

Fake Henry yells to Goodwin and Ethan, he tells Goodwin to check out the folks at the tail, and then Ethan to scope out the fuselage, he says to run, blend in and bring back a list of people within three days. He then turns to Blonde and says, “I guess I’m not in the book club anymore.”

Insert Lost title here.

Flashjack time! Jack is spying on some blonde chick… it’s Sarah… his patient/wife/ex wife…. She’s at a preschool or something with some guy, no dialogue though. Cut forward to someplace, I’m not really listening though, just something about Jack wanting to know the guy’s name that she is cheating on him with. Pretty much what this whole Flashjack is about. Oh, and she won’t give him a name.

Cut to current Jack, he is in a secluded room, it is dark, he finally wakes up or comes to. He sees a band-aid on his arm; he takes it off revealing a round hole in his arm. He looks around and tries to walk to a door on the opposite side of the room. Slam, right into a glass wall. I laughed, but he didn’t. He’s all “I’m Jack! Somebody help me.” Or “Let me out!”… Something like that.

What’s Kate up to? You may be asking, well… she’s in a room too… there is water running, it’s a shower room. Focus on the room, what do you see? Some walls, some lockers, Zeke… wait, what? Oh, it’s him, that beardless freak. And he’s all, take a shower! And Kate is all, Gross dude, not in front of you! And he’s all; I’m gay, or something, and leaves. So Katherine takes a shower and is all, where are my clothes?… and one of the lockers is like “Take my clothes!” so she pulls out a dress from it and puts it on. Zeke is all “wee doggie… that’s hot.” Or something, and takes her to the boss man, Henry “not the man himself” Gale.

Failed to be Gale is eating on the beach under a cabana. Kate comes up, and he’s all, Wear these handcuffs… and since Kate wanted some coffee she put them on. And she’s all “Why are you feeding me breakfast, and where is (1. Sawyer and (2. Jack? And the Henry Faker is all… why is Sawyer number 1? And Kate is like, because S comes before J, duh!... or something like that. So Henry Wannabe is all, I’m being nice because I’m going to be horrible to you for the next few episodes… then he leaves.

Guess what! Sawyer is in a cage.... a bear cage! He's got a fancy gizmo that should give him food, if he can figure the dang thing out. Theres another guy across from him, a younger kid, but he's not talkin. Sawyer pushes the food button like an idiot too many times and gets shocked. Told you so! The other guy says.... oh yeah, and he had told him so. He does figure it out though, he puts a rock on a switch and pushes the button and throws a small rock at a lever on the wall. "Yay! You doucebag, eat some food!" and it gives him a fish buiscuit... umm.... a fish shaped buiscuit is good stuff! It also gives him some kind of dog food and fills his through with water. "Yay water!" he says dunking his head. Other guy sneaks out by picking the lock, then unlocks Sawyer. "Run the other way, so they catch you instead of me!" The guy basically says... so Sawyer goes the opposite way and gets caught by the ..hey.... it's the blonde! from the beggining of the episode... you know, with the muffins. Oh yeah, well, she shoots him with a "make you fall on the ground and twitch" gun... and Sawyer uh.... falls on the ground... and twitchs.... and gets stuck back in the cage. They take the other guy away, but not before making him appologize to Sawyer for releasing him... the other's are all "Boo Freedom!" and stuff, and take the guy out into the jungle... for some Jungle Lovin, assumedly.

Let's flash to the back with our good friend Jack. Jack is being a loser looking through all of Sarah's numbers on her phone. Jack daddy comes in and Jack is all, leave me be daddy... and Jack daddy is all... no way Jacko... and barges in anyway. Jack is all "grr." but Jack Daddy don't care. He is all, "Forget it kid." and Jack is like "Grr... I hate you, you drunk.... person you!" and Jack keeps looking and calling saying things like "I found a phone is it yours..." and crap like that. and Jack Daniels... (haha, thats a good one, because he's a drunk) is still there. And his phone rings. Ah crap, I knew it... Jack's Daddy is gettin' him some. Jack goes nuts on him. "Why the shrek are you callin my woman!" and "I didn't know you could do that anymore..." probably not the second phrase, but you get the point.

Back to the present! Jack is in the pin still, Blonde appears. She offers him toast, he refuses, she's all... Whaddaya do Jacky? and Jack is all.... "La-di-da-da, I'm the Repo Man!" and she is all, get by the wall, and I'll bring you some nice Toast that has these nice toothpicks I put in it. Jack does so... and she opens the door, he rushes for the field goal, it's a blitz!....He tackles her and runs past and out, running to a door with a valve thingy on it... Henry Pale appears and is all, if you open that, we all die! And Jack is all, shove it! and opens the door anyway, the Blonde and the Rat looking man run for the door but Ratty McHenry knocks Blondey out of the way and closes the door, Jack opens his door and the room suddenly floods.... idiot. Him and Blonde.... who called herself Juliet earlier.... finally closed the door, and then she fricking slams him in the face... Jack is a loser afterall.

Cut to Sawyer, in the cage. Zeke appears with Kate, shoving her into the other guy's cage. Zeke says he'll bring her some cream or something for her cut up cuffed hands... and takes the cuff off. He's all, "Look's like you got a fish buiscuit." and Sawyer is all happy like.. "Yeah, I'm so smart, and stuff." http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20090323015622/forums/ and Zeke was all, It only took the bears 2 hours” SHOT DOWN! Zeke leaves Sawyer alone. Sawyer is all... “Wanna Fish Busicuit?” and Kate is all “Hell yeah!” and catches it out of the air, taking a big bite. Ummmmm..... fishy!

Back to the Jumping Jack Flash.....back. He’s following Christian (Jack Daddy) after work into a building. He was all talking playfully on the phone with someone. Who could it be????!!!! Jack knows, he goes inside after him and confronts him. “Whachu doin wit my woman!" Jack screams! And Daddy is all.... no comment. People are staring. Jack says something about his drinking and a woman speaks up. "You must be Jack." "How do you know my name?" he asks. "This is you're flashback!" she might have said.... "and your father told me all about you!". "you're father has been sober for 50 days now." she says. "and how did he get through that huh? By getting all up in my wife, that's how!" he yells... and tackles Jack Daddy.

Flash forward... a few hours.... Jack is in jail... haha. A cop appears, "Welcome, You've got Bail! Goodbye." she says, and Jack skips out to see Sarah. "Sarah?" he says... "You're papa called me, he only calls me because he loves you, and he's a drunk and stuff." she says, leaving to some guy who obviously isn't Jack Daddy, Jack Daddy would never drive in a Grey car, I mean... come on! "What's his name?" Jack asks. "I'm not telling you, you freak." she basically says... and cuts the flashback short.

Flash past Charlies Stash to the pin where Jack is... in a sash?... uh, gotta work on that.... I'm not rapper material. Jack is sad... because he got owned by a 120 pound chick. Juliet (that's her name by the way) opens a book and shows Jack all of his like, his college, his proffesion... and is all... "You're no Repo man, you're a Surgeon/Plane Crash Victim." Jack asks if there is anything about his family in there... like his ex. She says "Sarah?" Jack says duh, and she is like... what would you like to know?.... come on Jack, ask a juicy question... Why was she healed, Who was she getting it on with, How did she manage her hair... something good. "Is she happy?" he asks. GAH!!! Is that you're question... you idiot. "Yes." Juliet says... Jack cries... and Juliet is all... now go by the wall.... and I'll bring you some food, and no funny stuff. Jack shuffles off and Juliet walks out of the Room to the door to Jack's cell... passing Fakenry. "Nice work." he says. "Thanks Ben." she says..... oh, so his name is Ben... I hope it isn't Ben Grimm... although if it was, that would be cool too... he could be nicknamed "The Thing" or something, or maybe Ben Kenobi... Jedi Master! Oh well... It's nice to at least have a real name.

LOST!

Wait, what? That's it... oh well... see you next week.

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Malion
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King Kong
The Glass Ballerina

Open to the image of a spinning Ballerina… made of glass “now the title makes sense! Sort of. A little girl is watching it… a little Asian girl… probably Sun, but you never know with this show… do you? The glass falls, the glass breaks. The girl leaves. A man appears, it’s Mobster Man… Sun Daddy… it must be sun. “Sun… did you break this?” He asks… hmm… it might be Sun after all. “No.” She says, in a little voice. “Then who did?” He asks. “The Maid!” Sun says… and Sundad is all… if you say then, then I will fire her, so… who did it? And Sun is still saying “The Maid.” And Sundad is all “Ok then… fine.” Only he is yelling… and is very mad seeming.

Cut to many suns from now… to Sun… as she is now.
She is in the bathroom, and Jin pops in. He is all. “What’s the deal yo?”
And Sun is like “Morning Sickness… cause you did this to me!” only nicer.
Jin leaves. Sun follows. Jin is talking to Sayid… who obviously can’t understand… so Sun translates.
“Jin wants us to get up outta here.”
“I gotta let Jack see the fire though!” Sayid complains.
“Well… tough, Jin says, ‘it’s been too long.’” Sun says more nicely than what I wrote.
“Hehe… he thinks that he is the only one who can sail, but alas… I can sail, so I will.” Sun says leaving Jin to do some sailing thing.

Cut to Jack on his back… he is sitting in the room still. Juliet appears. “Have some soup, I made it, so it sucks… but whatever.” She says leaving… Jack says nothing, Yay!!!

Juliet walks out and sees Ben, who takes off his glasses… glasses? Since when does Benry wear glasses? Oh well… he’s all “Why don’t you make me soup?” and another girl appears. She has Curly hair… so let’s call her Curly.
Curly is all “Sayid found the fake camp.” And Ben is all “So?” Curly responds with a “They’ve got a boat” Critical hit! “WHAT?!” Ben says. “Yep… a boat.” Curly responds. “Get me that boat!” Ben says.

Cut to a blank screen, a noise is pulsating as something white comes towards the screen… oh yeah. It’s the LOST opener. Nevermind.

Cut to Sun... shes, in a bed... I assume she isn't wearing anything though... and by assuming that, I also assume that she has been doing something naughty... and I would be right!... Come on Jin... lets see ya.... wait, that's not Jin... that's the Bald guy!!!! Woah! He's all "Lets get it on! Again!!" and Sun is like "I can't, I'm married." and Baldy is all "Well I got you this necklace. It's pearly." and, it is a nice necklace... take it Sun. "I can't" she says. Why not? "Why not?" Baldy says around the same time I do. "Jin would ask, and what would I tell him?' good point. "I don't want to share you Sun, you speak... like, the best english ever! Come away with me!" Sun is silent... I think she should go for it though, too bad she doesn't, or else... then she wouldn't be on the island.

Back to the Island. Jin is angry, Sun is sailing, she is all. "I shouldn't have disagreed with you, in front of Sayid." and Jin is all "You shouldn't have disagreed at all!" Awkward! Sayid found a dock! It's old and crappy though, or at least he thinks so... me? Not so much. He says he should light a big fire there, and Jack will be able to see it easy. Jin wonders if it is "Safe?" and Sayid assures that... yes, it is. Me? Not so much.

Now it's time to say goodbye to Sayid and his kin... err... yeah. (Thats a Beverly Hillbilles refference) What's Skate up to? Sawyer is setting up his food machine, placing a rock and pushing a button, and throwing another rock. "Yay! Food! Eat!" the machine sings out. Kate is all asleep and is awoken by all this crappy noise. "Your Alarm Clock Sucks!" she says. "Wanna Fish Buiscuit?" he says. Zeke comes up, along with various other people, including a new Other, who I will call Other#23 (don't ask why) and they let Sawyer and Kate out of their cages. And Other#23 shoves a lunchbox in Sawyer's hand. "You'll need your stength." he says. but Sawyer is all "Where are we going?" and they are all. "You'll see." Curly appears and kisses Other#23 on the cheek and calls him dad... aww... that's sweet. Then she leaves to catch a boat... probably. All the while Sawyer is staring. "Whaddayou lookin at?" Other#23 says, Sawyer is all "You'll see."

Let's have some Sun Fun in the past. she is still in the bed with Baldy when someone knocks on the door. "Did anyone know you were comming here?" he asks. "Uh... yeah, I told everyone... even Jin, and the President... and the Prime Minister.... and John Kerry... and.." "Yeah! I get it, that's not even what you said in the actual episode" Baldy said going to the door... oh yeah, and he put on his pants too. Some guy barges in, a bus boy maybe? Baldy is all "Get otta my room!" but right behind the bus boy is... uh oh... it's Sundad! Baldy backs up and nearly trips over himself. He walks past him to the room where he sees Sun. She screams on the inside. "Get Dressed!" he says. Poor Sun, I cry for her.... truely I do.

Still in the Flashback, let's swich perspectives... to Jin. Jin goes into his Wifedad's office and is all. "Whaadup yo?" and Sundad says "This man..." he holds up a picture of Baldy "... is stealing from me. I want you to take care of him for me." Jin is all... "Ok, I deliver the message." and Sundad goes besserk "That's not enough, he has made a fool of me!" he says. Jin cringes. "I can't do that, that's not my job." "Your job is what I say it is!" Sundad yells. "Then I quit." Jin says angrily as he turns to walk out. "You can't quit!" Sundad says forceably. "This man has made a fool of me, and as my Wife's husband, you have become my Son, and my dishonor is your dishonor, now do this... for me!" Sundad obviously wants to get this guy out of the picture... and for good reason. "Ok" Jin says. Poor Jin, I cry for him... truely.... I try to.

Sun is stacking wood... in the present, and Sayid is pouring gas. Try not to use all of it, you don't have a hatch anymore ya know... oh wait, you don't. "You are lying." Sun says to him. "You are trying to get us all killed." "And what do you know about lying eh? *awkward stare* Yes, I lied, I am certain that Jack... and those other guys were captured, there are footprints and crap all over the dock... which I lied about too... I'm going to wait until night, light the fire, eat a sandwich, lets the scouts come, kill them all, scratch that... kill all but... like two." Sayid explains in a long sentance. "Why two?" Sun asks. Yeah... why two Sayid eh? There are 3 captured afterall, well and possibly Hurley... but Sayid doesn't know he got free. Well... and possibly Micheal too... Sayid doesn't really know what went down at all... "I'll have one gain info from the other." he says... oh, like those soldiers did in you're Season 2 flashback... makes sense. Go for it. "Lie to Jin." Sayid said... along with something about, after the fire is started, there is no turning back.

Sawyer and Kate are at a.... digging area. Kate complains "You want me to work in this?" and Other#23 is like "You can take it off if you want." haha... good one. Sawyer makes a smug "go ahead." look, he wants it. But Kate makes a "I can't belive you!" look, so Sawyer snaps back and is all "How dare you!" to the Other. Good save Sawyer. Other#23 is all, "do your work, and if you don't... you'll get shocked." and Kate is all "Shot? I can't really hear you, so I'm going to complain that we don't get a warning before you kill us!" and Other#23 is all "Shocked!!!! You idiot, I'll shock you. With this 'fall on the ground and twitch' gun." And Kate is all... "I'ma not gunna work til I see good ol' Jack." and Other#23 is all like. "You won't work? Well then I'll just have to Shock Sawyer!" and he does... and he falls down, and I laugh, I like this guy. "Now get to work." he says.

Sun and Sayid are doing something and Jin yells and points. Sun translates. "He knows what we are up to." she says. "He understands english better than I thought.... and he knows I betrayed him." well I could have told you that, anyone who can follow Sawyer's rantings must understand english pretty well. Jin asks for a gun (It's the only word he knows.... other than fish, of course) and Sayid gives it to him.... and is all, "do you know how to use it?" but Jin pops it in and out and does regular gun loading stuff... so yeah, he knows. They both tell Sun to stay in the boat, and Sayid refers to a gun on the boat if any other's get past them.

Stay where you are, there's more Skate stuff. Kate is picking with her Axe, and keeps bending over.... needless to say Sawyer is drooling. "Get back to work!" Other#23 yells. "Danggit." Sawyer says like a little girl. Juliet offers Sawyer some water, which he takes gladly, and frickin pours it all onto the ground. He doesn't drink Dasani, idiot! Kate keeps aworkin and who should appear, but Alex... in the bush.... well, a bush... bush-es, to be percise. And she is all "Psst!" and Kate is all "Wha?" and Alex asks "You ina cage?" and Kate is all "Ya." so Alex is like "You seen Carl?" Carl is the guy in the other cage, the one that got taken away... I never said his name though. "Nope." Kate says. Alex is miffed and ends the conversation with a swift "that was my dress, but you can have it." Which is sort of Libby's line, but she's dead... so Alex can have it... to make up for her lost Dress. Alex goes away and Kate starts to talk to Sawyer. "Stop looking at my ass!" She actually says. Sawyer is all "Give me something else to look at." and Other#23 is all "I'm Ana-Lucia reborn, so shut-up! Or I'll shock the hell outtaya." Sawyer pauses... hmm, what is he planing to do eh?... hmm.... He drops his crap and runs to Kate and they lock in a passionate kiss. Ooh baby, slave kissin is the best kinda kissin. This is like Birdman stepping into the sunlight, Sawyer seems to have the strength of at least 5 nameless others, he starts punching and kicking and grabs some guy's gun. He is all... "watch out!" and yay... he's going to be free.... dang, Kate's got a gun on her. Juliet is standing with a handgun on Kate."Put the gun down James." she says. Dang dang dang dang dang!!!! Sawyer is all... crap, and gets the shock of his life... it turns out that.... someone.... shocked him, and he fell down. Poor Sawyer, I cry for him... truely... I don't... too funny to watch him get the crap beat out of him.

Speaking of crap... and the beating of it out of someone. Jin is back at home... in his flashback. He tells his wife that he has to do the job for her father, because it was part of the vow he made with her... and stuff. Jin also says something about being called son for the first time by Sundad. Go for it Jin.

And... he does. He goes to the hotel, and walks in the room and Baldy is all. "Wha?" and Jin is all "I'm gonna put the hurt on you foo!" and throws Baldy around, punching the crap out of him. He is all "Do you know why I'm here?" and Baldy is like "Yes...." where he should have said. "No..." and then Jin would have explained, and then Baldy would proclaim innocence, and then Jin would have gone back to Sundad and been like "Liar," and Sundad would give Jin the truth, and Jin would have killed him anyway... only he then would have known that Sun was a skank too. But, they go back and forth. Jin puts a gun to Baldy's head and Baldy is crying and begging for mercy. And Jin gives it... like the nice violent man he is. He tells Baldy to "Run, run away and never return" and leaves.... gets in his car and starts to sing his solo when.... BOOM! comercial.... wait, no... no comerical... something hit his car. It's Baldy... he killed himself, and he has pearls in his hands... aww, how sweet. Poor Baldy, I would cry for him... if he wasn't so bald.

Cut to present... Jin and Sayid are waiting for others. But, the other's got around them, and are getting on the boat. Sun is making food... or is about to when Curly appears.... you remember Curly... right? Well she is all... "don't use that gun... sun." But Sun does anyway... shooting Curly in the stomach. Ouch. Poor Other#23... I cry for him....................... I really need to stop doing that. Oh well... Sayid and Jin hear, and shoot at the boat. Sun escapes and gets shot at by Zeke, and falls off the boat, which goes off into the distance. Jin jumps in the water and is all "I'm going to act like Micheal by doing this! SUN! SUN! SUN!" and Sun is all "Polo!" so Jin finds her and they embrace... yay! Cut ahead to them on dry land.... Sayid appologizes to Jin, and says he should have listened to him.

FlashSun... to the funeral, Sun is crying and Sundad is there... he is all, "He was a son of my associate... or something similar. Now go back to your husband" and Sun is all "Are you going to tell Jin?" and Sundad is like "No, that's your place." and leaves.

Jump to Kate and Sawyer, back in cages. Kate is all "Why did you do that?" and Sawyer is like "You were just so hot in that dress. You tasted like Stawberries." umm... I like strawberries. And Kate says "You tasted like Fish Busicuts." umm... I really like Fish Buiscuits... not enough to kiss Sawyer though. Then Kate is all... "Why did they call you James" and Sawyer is all "Cause thats me name." Kate goes bug eyed... she didn't know that. Sawyer then goes to comment on the weak others... and how only one or two had any fight at all... and most were frightened. Exept Juliet... who could have killed Kate on the spot. So they start to plan something out... but it turns out that the other's are watching them anyway via "Pearl Hatch" like tvs.

Cut to Jack. Who hasn't said much... Ben is there. He states that he only lied because he knew they would kill him if he didn't. So he says that he will tell the truth. "My name is Benjamin Lyonel/Lyons (something like that) and I've lived on this island my whole life." and he has a present for Jack. He wheels in a TV. And is all... we have connections with the outside world... "You crashed here September 22nd, it is now November 30th, you have been here 69 or so days. Bush has been re-elected... Chris Reeves dies, and the Sox one the World Series!" Jack burst out laughing. "The Red Sox, impossible!" and Ben is all "It's true" and they argue back and forth till finally Ben just flips on the TV and shows the end of the game. Jack starts to cry... or appears to. He's an emotional one isn't he? His Dad did always say that the Sox would never win... perhaps Jack bet on the Cardinals that season or something. Ben is like... "if you cooperate... we will take you home... not to your camp... but your home, your real home, I'll take you personally!" Sounds like a sweet deal if you ask me.

LOST!

Wow... great episode. Can't wait to see Locke and the crew though. Oh well... see you next week.


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Malion
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King Kong
Further Instructions

The eye of the beholder for today…? Why, it’s Locke. He’s lying of the ground… in the grass, looking at the sky. He’s alive! Obviously… but, it’s nice to know. There’s a rustling of grass and Locke looks over to see… none other than… Vincent?... no, It’s Desmond, And not just any Desmond, but a naked Desmond…. Never thought I’d see that. In fact, I thought for sure he was dead. Oh well, Des doesn’t see him and runs off… to creep someone else out probably. Locke struggles, and finally lifts himself to his feet… which work by the way, not that they didn’t before, its just… this kind of thing happens to Locke a lot. He looks around, then up… and wham. A stick falls out of the tree and hits him. Upon further inspection… it turns out to be none other than the famous Eko brand, Jesus stick. “Jesus Stick, the scriptural stick that fun to lick….” Gotta work on that catchphrase.

Locke is mad, or just determined, he runs into camp and starts taking his tent apart. Claire is with Charlie and is all "When did Locke get here?" and Charlie is all "Wha?" so he follows him.

Locke is at the Eko Brand Catholic Church "Eko Church, if they don't believe, then beat some sense into um... or just cut them with a knife... and take their drugs... and fly a plane to an Island in the Pacific" ok... not the most catchy slogan... but whatever. Locke dumps his stuff... and I know instantly what he is doing, he is helping Eko build the church... aww, Locke is nice. Charlie is all "I'm here, why don't you call or write to me anymore?" and Locke is all "..." and moving stuff. "What are you doing?" Charlie asks. And Locke is all "..." and moving stuff, and pointing... and pointing at his throat. "You can't speak?" Charlie asks. "..." guess not.
"What are you doing?" Charlie asks again. Locke points at the ground, at the sky and the trees. "You want to talk?" Charlie eventually gets out of this. Locke nods a yes. Charlie is all... "Ta who?' and Locke is pointing at the ground. "The Dirt? No. The Trees? Ah yes, they are very good listeners. The Island? No... wait, yes? You want to talk to the island?" Locke nods, and I stand corrected... Locke want nothing to do with Eko's church bizhub.

Theres a black image... is it Eko? No... it's the Lost Title!

FlashLocke, there is a car... or truck, as you may call it, going down the road. It's raining, I look around, and what do I see? Ian Somerhalder!? He's in this episode? Dang those opening credits are like a spoiler breeding ground. Well... Locke has a hat on and stops to pick up a hitchhiker. It's a male, about Boone's height, short hair.... and would you look at that? It is, it's Boone!!! Wait, no it isn't. Nevermind. "Yo!" Locke says in his own way. "Where ya headed?" He asks the hitchhiker. "To Eureka!" He responds... although I'm not sure wether he wants Eureka, Kansas or Eureka, California... probably Cali though, it's nicer. "I'm headed to *insert place that I can't remember* and it's on the way, so hop in." Locke say. "Kay." the guy responds and hops in. Drive, drive, drive, siren, drive, drive.... wait... siren? Gah! It's the cops, and the're stoppin Locke. "You've got a tail light out." the cop says. "Oh, really?" Locke responds and hands him his license. "I'm gonna need you two to step out of the car." and the hiker is all. "O_o" and I'm all "Uh-oh" and Locke is all "I'm smiling... on the inside." or something. And the Cop is all "Yay, I got to be on Lost.". So.... he is actually like "Whas in teh back?" and Locke is all "Guns... and a picnic basket, and some mangos, and a canalope." and the cop is all "Say What?" and looks to see a butt-load of guns in Lockes trunk.... or truck bed, if you will. And Locke is all... "Theres papers for each gun in that Red Notebook, they are all legal." and the cop is all "Aww man, I totally wanted to take this guy in... I know!!!! 'I still have to take you in for... uh, picking up a hitchhicker... yeah'" and the Hitchhiker... named Eddy (forgot to tell you that) says, "that's my uncle... I told him to pick me up." so the cop gets mad and leaves. And Locke is all "Thanks man." and Eddy is all "No prob... Uncle John... hahaha.... get it.... uh, yeah, because... yeah, I just totally fooled that cop... and uh, yeah.... ha.....haha, I called you Uncle.... and uh, he totally believed me... and stuff.... uh yeah, heh... yeah, good times." and I'm all "Dang this is a long paragraph."

Locke has built a tent... and is talking to Charlie... via notecards. He is also mixing up some kind of thingy. Charlie is all "No drugs here mate." or something british like that... that's a British kind of thing to say right?... probably not, but oh well. Locke is all "I want you to stand guard." in his note. And Charlie is all "Do you have any idea how much I hate you? You frikin punched me in the face and pursecuted me for taking heroin.... when I wasn't taking any." and Locke is all "Note: Just do it." and Charlie is all "Ok, whatever.

Locke goes in the tent and there is a fire going. He sits down and puts some paste in his mouth... it's Boone's Wacky Paste "Wacky Paste, the yummy paste that has no taste" and then Locke pours some crap on the fire and meditates. BOOM! Well... not boom... but Boone. Boone? Yep, it's Boone, with long hair. Cause dead people are cool like that. And he is all "Hey Locke, whats up?" and Locke is all "O_O!" and is all "..." and Boone is all "Oh, yeah...you can't talk, well..." Wheelchair appears "...I have to show you something." and he does.

Boone rolls Locke into an airport. Nice, I knew there was one of those on the island. Locke is looking around and seeing all the islanders. "I need you to help someone." Boone says. Locke points at Charlie/Clarie/Aaron. And Boone is all "nope." and Locke then points to Sun/Jin/Sayid and Boone is all "You're an episode late for that one" so Locke then points to Hurley, who is working at the airport, pushing numbers... into a computer.... the numbers! And Boone is all "Not even close." so Locke scratches his head and then is rolled to the metal detector. Jack/Kate/Sawyer is there... being bag checked... by Ben!! Locke is all "!!!!" and Boone is like "Nope, not yet... in due time Lockey." and then Locke is taken to Desmond... and Boone shakes his head again. "No Locke, he is already helping himself." whatever Boone means by that... I'm not sure.

And then finally Boone stops at the Ecellator, and appears at the top of it. "Up here John." he says... and Locke is all "...." and falls on his face, crawling up the escelator.... well, not really crawling, I mean the thing does all the work for you. Ok, when he makes it to the top, there is a stick... and you know whose stick it is. It's the Jesus Stick, but Locke's hand has blood on it. A quick look at Boone shows him as if he frickin fell off a cliff. And he is all "fix the mess you made John." and then a quick Polar Bear lunge shot and Locke emerges from the tent. Charlie is all "Wha?" and Locke is all "..." and picking up his knife and stuff and some hair spray (seriously). And Charlie is like "Where are you going?" and Locke is all "..."................. "I've got to go save Mr. Eko." Yay, he speaks... I miss the silence already.

Cut to Locke... in the Truck. Going to a farm... with Eddy. He gets out and is all. "Welcome Eddy, this the place I like to be." and Eddy is all "Whats in that tent over there?" and Locke is all "Thats where we go to meditate... to find out if you are going to be a (a) Farmer or (b) Hunter." And Eddy is like "Heh, cool" Lets move to the table, it's late... and I haven't eaten yet, perhaps I'll feel better if Locke eats something. Locke is all "Random people with simple names that the writer of this 'In a Nutshell' can't remember, this is my good friend Eddy." and they are all "Hi Eddy!" and then they are like "Say the prayer Locke" and he does, but he doesn't close his eyes, and says damn near the end of it... oh well, Locke tries, but he's no Pope.

Welcome to the Jungle... we've got fun and games.... and Locke... and Charlie. Both of which are going after Eko. They come across a necklace. It's Yemi/Eko's necklace. Locke is all "It must have fell off when he was drug away... by the polar bear." and Charlie is like "Nigga Please, the Polar bear done got shot by Sawyer." and Locke is all "Sawyer shot 'A' Polar Bear. Not, 'THE' Polar Bear." and Charlie is all "Kay." and sees a white fur bit. "Oh, ok then." he says. "It's a polar bear alright. "Roar!" the polar bear says. "Run" the Locke says. And the two men run as fast as they could through the deep jungle. "Did we lose it?" Charlie asks. "Roar!" or "No!" in bear speak. Locke is on defense, he hears the bushes rustle, he throws the knife. "Ahh!!!!" the bear says... wait, that's no bear noise. Locke jumps through the bushes to see his knife in a rainbow canteen... held by a Hurley. "Dude" he says lowly.

"Jack and Kate... and Sawyer have been taken!" Hurley spills out. Locke looks stressed. "They wanted me to tell everyone." Hurley says. "Well then do it... go to the camp." Locke says and turns away. And Hurley is all "?" and "Wait, what are you two doing?" "We're off to see the bear that took Eko." Charlie says. And Hurley is all "Bear? Theres a bear?" and Locke is all "Ya." and leaves, followed by Charlie... now, who to follow... Hurley or Charlocke? I'll do both, I can do that you know, I have a television. Hurley is walking through the forest and there is a noise. "Bear? Is that you?" Hurley asks. "Are you alone?" The Scottish sounding bear asks. "What? I...." Naked Desmond appears. He is all "Are you alone." and Hurley is like I would be, craping my pants with fear... or not. "Uh yeah, dude... I'm alone." Cover your eyes girls... you don't need to see that. That's why God made light switches. So Hurley is all "Why are you naked dude." and Des is all "Give me some clothes." and Hurley is like "What happened?" and Des explains the whole hatch keying bit. And Hurley is all "If you had a key the whole time, why didn't you use it?" and Des is like "Well I didn't know what it would do." "It made the sky go all purple and the ground shook." Hurley said. And Des is all "Sorry Brotha but I seemed to have missed that." And Hurley is all "So, like... the hatch blew your underwear off." and Des is all "How about we talk about this in great detail right now." He says nakedly shoving himself at Hurley. "Aww dude... sorry, take it... take this shirt." Hurley pulls out a yellow tie-die shirt. And Desmond looks all "This is a big shirt brotha." "Kate and Sawyer and Jack got taken, and I need to tell everyone." Hurley says. Des is all "It will all be ok... Locke will save them, he said so in a speech I once heard him say... in the past." and Hurley is all "Wha? What are you even talking about? Locke is only talking about Bears now." and Des is like "Aww dang, nevermind... I'm just confused... or something... just end this scene already... go to a comercial or something."

Locke and Charlie walk to the hatch... or what is left of it. It's just a big metal ball though. Charlie is all "Woah!" and Locke is all "I can't believe it." and they both keep walking, and spot a dead boar. It's a live kill though... as Locke calls it. Charlie starts to talk... and it's funny enough to almost directly quote "When I used to get high, I'd watch nature shows... and I learned about Polar Bears... it says that their smart, they are like the dolphins of the bear family." Good to know Charlie... good to know.... back to the plot. The Bear must be close... and it is. There is a cave. Locke covers himself in mud and lights a stick on fire. "I'm going too." Charlie says. "No, you aren't... bad things happen to people who hand out with me." Locke answers. And goes inside carring the can of hairspray.

Back to the Locke.... in the barn... with Eddy... Eddy is all "That chick was totally digging on you man." and Locke is all "She's half my age Eddy." and Eddy is all "So? She's probably looking for a dad like the rest of the people here... you should take advantage of that." nudge nudge. Locke is all "You sicko." and Eddy is like "Danggit John, I was making, I was making a joke!" "Ok" Locke says. "I know what you are putting in that greenhouse." Eddy says. "You do?!" Locke says calmly. "You've been taking bags of stuff in there for weeks... and whatever it is, I want some." and Locke is like "You're new though." and Eddy is like "Dude, I've been here 6 weeks already" and Locke is all "Ok... I'll talk to Steve and Linda *or whatever their names are* and see if they agree." Awkward smile... and... end scene.

Locke is stumbling through the darkness and comes to an open space, there are bones everywhere... and look... a tonka truck... why is that there? Are Polar Bears into that kind of thing? Did it feel that the cave was lacking in masculinity? Oh well... I also so the door to the failsafe room on the floor. Not idily do the doors of Dharma fall. Someone must have brought it here... Eko? No... you think? I see him... Locke does to and goes to him. Eko is all "Locke, you've come to save me." and Locke is all. "I..." We interupt this comment... because, Eko is just being violently dragged by the polar bear. "Oh-no!" Locke says and holds up his torch, he sprays his hairspray in it and it burns the bear... haha, take that... you, Bear, you. Bear runs to the corner and hides from the flaming Locke. Locke Drags Eko Out Of The Cave. LDEOOTC (I'm going to use this Acroymn later, so don't steal it.)

Lets go with Locke... he's at the greenhouse... and the guard lets him in... and what should pass in front of the screen but pot leaves... oh Pot... you are so easy to point out. "Pot, the tackless thing to advertise... to minors... with cops around." The two people with names I don't remember from before are packing up shop. Where are you going? Locke asks. "Where are we going?" Male asks... you're friend is a cop... that's where we are going?" Locke is all "What... what are you talking about, that's not even a logical sentance." and Female is all "Your friend tagged with you to catch our pot... look at his face on this computer I have lying around." "Well... no, that can't be... no... this can't be happening... I'm getting whiny now like I do in all my flashbacks... and you can't leave... I'll handle it."

And... he does... he takes Eddy hunting... with rifles... with scopes on them. He is all... "Hey Eddy... look over there... yeah, over there.... while I silently load this gun and aim it at you." and Eddy is all "What? I'm turning around.... gasp! No John, put the gun down... or I'll shoot you." and John is all "I didn't load that gun." and Eddy is like "Well dang." and then continues with a swift "What are you doing?" "Why did they pick me?" Locke asks. Eddy is all "Wha? What the heck are you even talking about." and Locke is like "Why did you wait for me to pick you up... and make me betray these people." Eddy is all "Because, You have no criminal record... and my sources say that you are a sucker... and can be easily fooled by family, and stuff like that." and Locke is all "Wow... I'm going to shoot you." and Eddy is like "No you won't you aren't a killer... you are a good man... and good.... uh, farmer?" "Wrongo, I'm a hunter Eddy... and I'm going to kill you." and Eddy is all... "No you won't" and walks away. Locke aims his gun.... steady... steady.... line up the shot... you've got it. Boom!!!! Locke lowers the gun.... and I look like an idiot for yelling Boom when nobody got shot.

LDEOOTC... and Charlie is waiting for them, and helps Locke carry Eko for atleast a long distance. They eventually drop him off though, onto the ground. Locke is looking about.... and then appologizing. "I'm sorry Eko... I should have let you keep pushing the button... so that I could have gone with Jack and them and protected them. I've let everyone down." Eko is all half awake and saying. "You will find them John, you are a hunter." and Locke is all. "Woah." and Charlie is like "Whats up?" and Locke is all "Eko is awake"... but... he isn't. Oh well.. Locke is losing it. They pick up Eko and head back to camp.

Back at camp... Hurley is there... so is Desmond, Claire, and... uh... two random people. I guess they are the new cast members... there is a Jack/Sawyer crossover wannabe... and a Blondish Kate/Shannon/Claire/Sun/Ana/Libby/Sawyer/Sarah/Juliet/ wannabe. "Oh know!" The Woman says, seeing Eko. "We need to get Jack." Man says. "Uh... Jack is gone, he was taken by the others." Hurley adds. "WTF!?" Everyone but Locke and Charlie and Desmond says.... well, and Eko but he is unconcious. "When did you plan on telling us this?" Man asks. "Uh..." Hurley begins. "Theres no need to panic, I am going to personally go and rescue Jack/Kate/Sawyer from the others.... and they will be safe... I promise." Everyone seems satified and leaves. "Nice Speech." Charlie says. Hurley's eyes go wide. "De ja vu." He says. Desmond is shown throwing rocks into the water.

LOST!

Wow... Desmond can see the future... I guess his 4400 ability finally kicked in.... but, what does this all mean, It's nice to think that we will actually know some day... but, this was a great episode... probably because of no Jack... oh well, see you next week.


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