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| Horatio Nelson, Britain's great hero; How he dealt with Political Correctness | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Nov 26 2010, 09:47 AM (140 Views) | |
| Fritz | Nov 26 2010, 09:47 AM Post #1 |
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Just before Battle of Trafalgar a conversation is overheard on the Deck of HMS Victory: Nelson: "Order the signal, Hardy." Hardy: "Aye, aye sir." Nelson: "Hold on, that's not what I dictated to Flags. What's the meaning of this?" Hardy: "Sorry sir?" Nelson (reading aloud): " England expects every person to do his or her duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or disability." "What gobbledygook is this?" Hardy: "Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, sir. We're an equal opportunities employer now. We had the devil's own job getting ' England ' past the censors, lest it be considered racist." Nelson: "Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco." Hardy: "Sorry sir. All naval vessels have now been designated smoke-free working environments." Nelson: "In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the main brace to steel the men before battle." Hardy: "The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. Its part of the Government's policy on binge drinking." Nelson: "Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on with it ...........full speed ahead." Hardy: "I think you'll find that there's a 4 knot speed limit in this stretch of water." Nelson: "Damn it man! We are on the eve of the greatest sea battle in history. We must advance with all dispatch. Report from the crow's nest please." Hardy: "That won't be possible, sir." Nelson: "What?" Hardy: "Health and Safety have closed the crow's nest, sir. No harness. And they said that rope ladders don't meet regulations. They won't let anyone up there until a proper scaffolding can be erected." Nelson: "Then get me the ship's carpenter without delay, Hardy." Hardy: "He's busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the fo'c'sle Admiral." Nelson: "Wheelchair access? I've never heard anything so absurd." Hardy: "Health and safety again, sir. We have to provide a barrier-free environment for the differently abled." Nelson: "Differently abled? I've only one arm and one eye and I refuse even to hear mention of the word. I didn't rise to the rank of admiral by playing the disability card." Hardy: "Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is underrepresented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency." Nelson: "Whatever next? Give me full sail. The salt spray beckons." Hardy: "A couple of problems there too, sir. Health and safety won't let the crew up the rigging without hard hats. And they don't want anyone breathing in too much salt - haven't you seen the adverts?" Nelson: "I've never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy." Hardy: "The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral." Nelson: "What? This is mutiny !" Hardy: "It's not that, sir. It's just that they're afraid of being charged with murder if they actually kill anyone. There's a couple of legal-aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks." Nelson: "Then how are we to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish?" Hardy: "Actually, sir, we're not." Nelson: "We're not?" Hardy: "No, sir. The French and the Spanish are our European partners now. According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn't even be in this stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation." Nelson: "But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil." Hardy: "I wouldn't let the ship's diversity co-ordinator hear you saying that sir. You'll be up on disciplinary report." Nelson: "You must consider every man an enemy, who speaks ill of your King." Hardy: "Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive in this multicultural age. Now put on your Kevlar vest; it's the rules. It could save your life" Nelson: "Don't tell me - health and safety. Whatever happened to rum, sodomy and the lash?" Hardy: As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu! And there's a ban on corporal punishment." Nelson: "What about sodomy?" Hardy: "I believe that is now legal, sir." Nelson: "In that case ...kiss me, Hardy." |
| Goodbye guys and gals. We gave it a try. Immigration worked with everyone else. Just not muslims. No hard feelings. Have a nice life, just have it somewhere else. | |
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| dinkydee | Nov 26 2010, 09:53 AM Post #2 |
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| Deleted User | Nov 26 2010, 10:15 AM Post #3 |
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Read it all... LOL!
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| dozyuk | Nov 26 2010, 10:30 AM Post #4 |
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Kafir
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Hilarious - shame it rings true |
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| oldboyblue | Nov 26 2010, 10:36 AM Post #5 |
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I remember some time ago when new labour starting using public art (like the Nazis and Stalin) to portray a leftie image. They used the plinths in Trafelgar square to show a statue of a woman with phldomide and no arms an legs who became an artists. I remember seeing a interview with someone who was asked 'had they seen the glourious statue of the disabled person in Trafelgar Square'? To which he replied ' yes, one eye and one arm and managed to save the nation'. |
| Mark Twain:- Those that don't read newspapers are uninformed, those that do are illinformed. | |
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| Deleted User | Nov 26 2010, 10:38 AM Post #6 |
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| lionsingh | Nov 26 2010, 10:38 AM Post #7 |
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Kafir
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btill..love the last line |
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1:49 AM Jul 11
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Feliz Navidad (Gold) created by Sarah & Delirium of the ZNR






1:49 AM Jul 11