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| Are you a Taliban/Jihadist Quiz | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jun 3 2010, 08:13 AM (45 Views) | |
| General Pershing | Jun 3 2010, 08:13 AM Post #1 |
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Patriot
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Humor inspired by the British and American soldiers fighting for freedom in Afghanistan YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF: 1. You refine heroin for a living but have a moral objection to beer, pot and vaccines. 2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and a $5,000 rocket launcher but can’t afford shoes for your children. 3. You have more wives than teeth. And more children then all your fingers, toes, teeth and wives combined. 4. You wipe your ass with your bare left hand, but consider bacon, dogs and women “unclean”. 5. You think vests come in three styles: bullet proof, suicide, and disguise. 6. You can’t think of anyone you haven’t declared jihad against, and never stop trying to. 7. You consider radio and television seriously dangerous to the people, but routinely carry explosives in your clothes. 8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs. 9. You have nothing against women, if barefoot, pregnant and shrouded, and think every man should own at least two. 10. You’ve always had a crush on your neighbors goat, camel and child. 11. You believe world civilization reached its peak of perfection in 632 CE, and plan to soon bring it back to that level. 12. You’ve heard of books besides the Quran, and hope someday to burn some. 13. You think the Holocaust is a lie told by Jews in their evil plot to take over the world, but you long to make it true, after you succeed in your divine plot to take over the world. 14. You long, and fight, for a pure Muslim homeland, besides the 57 you already have. But the Jews don’t get even one. 15. You say “there is no compulsion in religion”, but only when all other religions admit your superiority, or when there is only one religion. 16. You say that a few Jews and Christians (at best) will be saved from Hell, but only those who have who have followed the True Religion, i.e. Islam. 17. When questioned you always point to the ONE verse in the Quran that recommends peace, and ignore the 500 that recommended war. But not in practice. 18. Your God is merciful and good, but He spends 50% of His Holy Book drooling over the brutal suffering of non-Muslims in Hell, and the punishment He claims you will give US in this life. 19. Your God is forgiving and kind, but killing for Islam is the Only Sure Way to AVOID Hell. Like helping Humankind is for Jews (who don’t believe in hell), or giving your life to Jesus is for Christians. 20. “Slavery is Freedom”, “War is Peace” and “Backwards is Forewards” make perfect sense to you. 21. You believe movies, music and unveiled women are snares of Satan, but violence is commanded by Allah for a higher place in Heaven. 22. You believe the Quran is for all mankind (whether they want it or not) but can only be read in medieval Arabic. 23. You claim Switzerland’s vote to ban new minarets (but not new Mosques) is “racist”, but banning all Churches, Synagogues and Hindu/Buddhist/Shinto/Other Temples from even existing in Saudi Arabia, and most other Muslim countries, is the Divine Will of Allah. 24. You demand that Muslims be allowed unrestricted immigration to all Western Countries, but non-Muslims are forbidden to even enter the City of Mecca. 25. You know that everything that happens is Predestined by Allah, but that you must learn and follow a million pointless rules for every action of the day to avoid offending Him. And you don’t want to offend Him!! 26. You believe that Muhammad’s “Overnight-Flight” from Mecca to Jerusalem on his Magical Flying Horse (I am not making this up) gives you the right to appropriate the 3000 yr. old Jewish Temple for yourselves. (yes, they really believe this). 27. You can recite from memory the entire Quran in Arabic, and someday hope to read a translation in your own language so you can find out what it says. (Until then you’ll take your Imams’ word it’s all good). 28. A few satirical Dutch cartoons drive you into a worldwide burning/killing rage, yet many weeks-long Muslim State-produced miniseries of the Protocols of the Elders of Zion are “educational”. Yet there are no worldwide (or any) Jewish riots over them. 29. You think the separation of Church and State is a Satanic plot, yet separation of adult men and women is ordained by Allah, and if you disagree you must be killed. (an actual recent Saudi Arabian Religious Authority fatwa). And yet gays are killed too. 30. You think Adam (but not Eve), Noah, Abraham, Moses, Jesus and Muhammad were all actually Muslims, just like the Mormons know that they were all actually Mormons. And they also kill gays. 31. You know the Devil is not really hiding under your bed – you’re not children! You just believe He is hidng in your bathroom so He can see your pee pee. (A Muslim Imam told me this personally) 32. To you a central “spiritual” debate by “religious” authorities is whether all men will have permanent erections in Heaven, or whether they will get erect at will. Also whether women will be virgins perpetually or will be re-virgined after each use. 33. You believe that Moses (Jew-liberating, 10 Commandments giving), was a pious dolt, and that Jesus (loving your neighbor as yourself, giving up your life for a friend) was a fraud, who was never actually crucified, was not the Son of God, but gave a sermon immediately after being born. (It’s in the Quran) 34. And yet you believe Muhammad: a mass murdering, woman raping, slave trading, caravan raiding, Jew hating, narcissistic, genocidal, pedophile Warlord is a perfect role model for all time. And Islam is the most peaceful of Religions. 35. Blowing up two 2000 yr old Buddhist statues is…. I can’t even think of a way to make this funny. F**king Muslims. An Islamophobe is a non-Muslim who wants to stay that way. A Muslim extremist is the one issuing the death threats, a muslim moderate is the one explaing why you deserve it. |
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| ENUFisENUF | Jun 3 2010, 08:26 AM Post #2 |
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Kafir
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lol, good list |
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“Ridicule is the only weapon that can be used against unintelligible propositions. Ideas must be distinct before reason can act upon them.”-Thomas Jefferson | |
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| Battle of Lepanto | Jun 3 2010, 08:38 AM Post #3 |
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Kafir
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Very funny. But the truth of it is immediately sobering. I'd leave out the "F**king Muslims", however, after number 35. Edited by Battle of Lepanto, Jun 3 2010, 08:39 AM.
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ANTI-JIHADIST FREE-THINKER | |
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| Deleted User | Jun 3 2010, 09:36 AM Post #4 |
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Deleted User
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Funny but true |
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