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How to Survive a Raptor Attack; 4 teh lulz I guess
Topic Started: Apr 28 2009, 04:56 PM (432 Views)
Blade
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Teen
Rule 1: Never, ever being more than 20 feet away from a tire iron.

Rule 2: Carrying an assault rifle at all times loaded with 100-round snail clips

Rule 3: Driving around in an armored personnel carrier

Rule 4: Keeping an hedgehog somewhere on you at all times. Possibly strapped to your head as a spiky helmet.

Rule 5: Teaching your children the 'kill' spots on Raptors

Rule 6: Wearing clean underwear at all times

Rule 7: Keeping a copy of the Holy Bible on your person at all times as a last-resort bludgeoning tool

Rule 8: Note that Raptors WILL BE ABLE TO SEE YOU if you stand still. Keep a cloaking device handy at all times.

Rule 9: France surrendered to the Raptors, so don’t go there. The French are of no use against the Raptors.

Rule 10: Keep adrenaline shots nearby. These will give you a temporary boost of energy that might save your life.

Rule 11: Your best bet is to run with a group of 100, make lots of noise, and outrun all your companions...

Rule 12: DON'T go into the long grass!!!

If you know any, post them. The fate of the human race is in your hands...
Edited by Blade, Apr 28 2009, 04:58 PM.
 
DinoFlame
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Teen
Hmm...

What about:
Never cary any edilble meat with you. I suggest becoming a zombie, or simply a living skeleton.
 
Blade
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Teen
Know your ememy, watch Jurassic Park. Of course the survivers in that were much fitter than you so you have no chance.
 
Tyrannotherium
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Egg
Never "go and check" anything that moves
 
DinoFlame
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Teen
lol, True that!
 
Blade
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Teen
How about...

Find a way to transform yourself in an ankylosaurus.

By the way, always know your enemy. Did you know Raptors were responsible for 9/11?
 
Fed
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Egg
Hitler actually had a pet raptor that made him start the holocaust.


Anyways:
*any friendly looking chicken that approaches you could be a raptor in disguise
*never pee in your pants
*keep blood within your body at ALL times
*keep away from people that look like Robert Muldoon
*never make the mistake of hiding a candy bar in your underwear
 
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