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|Dark Rain 2.0|
|#8- Dark Rain Newsletter; We're bringing sexy back|
|Topic Started: 13 Aug 2009, 13:04 (266 Views)|
|TheZamboniKnight||13 Aug 2009, 13:04 Post #1|
I am Nathan Fillion.
A note from the editor
Hello and welcome to the Dark Rain Newsletter, issue eight! As you may already know I’ve recently been promoted to the rank of Supreme Editor and Chief of the DRNL. To mark the occasion, I’ve prepared a speech. It’s a bit last minute but I do the best with what I can.
To start with I’d like to thank my great-great-great-great grandfather; without him, I wouldn’t be where I am today. Next, I’d like to thank my great-great-great-great grandmother with the same sentiment. It was their joint effort that… ah, screw this.
I’ve always been a little too enthusiastic about the DRNL but as editor I suspect this will come in handy. I may be a procrastinator, a lazy bum, even lethargic at times, but I promise to put all those things aside if you do.
You may have noticed that the newsletter has been somewhat dead these past months, but it never really is. It’s like a possum, looking to be in the first stage of rigor mortis until you go to skin it for dinner and it jumps up and rips your face off.
What the hell is that? I should have stuck with the cue cards.And on that note I think I’ll leave you. Remember to visit the feedback thread and leave a comment!
Forever and always,
A day in the life of the DR staff
Ever wonder what goes on in the mysterious staff room? Well, we the staff have now come to you, the people, and are going to show you a marvelous sneak peak into the life of a moderator! This is a collection of minutes from one of our meetings, so thoughtfully recorded by our own Sgt. Jesus. Enjoy!
Growing where none were before
We are Here, Start to Fear.
Slowly, like a dripping tap, a certain population of Dark Rain is growing. As it is written by your one and only wonderfox, you can take a guess as to which particular group it is: Furries.
No, I am not responsible. I do not seek these creature out, they just seem magnetically attracted to this place, which draws me to the conclusion that either:
A. There are so many closet furs that other furs instinctively are drawn here.
B. There is a majority of anti-furs, thus causing a huge negative energy, thus attractive positive energy of the furries.
From this it can be seen that Dark Rain is either very ProFurry, or very Anti-Furry. I'd like to think the former rather than the latter as I love this place so very much.
To solve this issue, I will go and find neutral people, such as Judges, or those with mono, thus creating a neutral force. With enough application, any positive or negative energy will be cancelled out due to the overwhelming naturalness of the boring, unopinionated persons.
A side effect to this would be the severe dipping in role-playing quality and a rising in 'emotional' role-plays, such as vampires and sweetheart topics. This would eventually bring an end to Dark Rain and thus I come to my point:
We, the furries, will spell an end to this glorious site. We will gather and engulf you with fur, feather and scale, attracting more and more of our fandom, thus requiring a balancing with neutrals, bringing an unavoidable crash to this paradise.
This message was not approved by anybody at all and should be disregarded by those with eyes and/or ears.
Role-player or Writer?
… she said, “Do you honestly think I would let you drown?” She stopped and turned to face him again, getting only sullen muttering for an answer. “Colors, you’re going to that beach with me and you’re going to have fun doing it whether you like it or not,” she ordered, gritting her teeth at his behavior.... *
Can you tell if this paragraph is part of a post, or a short story? Unless you’re psychic I’d be willing to bet you can’t. It raises an interesting question: is there any difference between a role-player and a writer?
Your initial reaction might be to say no, there isn’t. Both a post and a short story are written creatively with the same rules for grammar, structure, and the like; technically speaking, there isn’t a difference between the two and you’d be absolutely correct in saying that.
Take a closer look at the question though because you’re obviously not reading it right; that only answers if the written works are different, which they aren’t. It’s the person behind them we’re thinking about. Pay closer attention next time, Mr. Attention Deficit Disorder.
To look at what they create you have to say they’re the same, but if you dig deeper are they really so alike? I’ve met role-players who wouldn’t consider themselves writers despite their skills with the written word, so what really makes a writer? If not imagination, if not a mastery of the language, if not the ability to spin words into thoughts and images… what is it?
Perhaps it has to do with background. Role playing is like a game at its core. If you started out with it maybe you wouldn’t see it as writing. It’s just like playing pretend with a slightly more palpable form and that’s certainly not writing. Writing means books, pages, and publishers harping about deadlines and you certainly don’t have any of that.
To use something that isn’t entirely pulled out of my head, I myself discovered role playing after writing. What I wrote wasn’t exactly what you’d call masterpieces but write I did. Every morning: the same characters, the same premise, but with different events. One-sided role-playing you could call it (I never got past page three) but it’s where I began, and as a result I’m more inclined to call myself a writer than a role-player.
Or maybe it’s just me and this is all a load of crap. It may well be that I’m seeing way too much into this, but I don’t really think an RPer and a writer are the same thing. Similar sure, evolutionary cousins yeah, fraternal twins possibly; but identical twins? Clones? Mirror images? Eh, not so much.
That’s just how I see things. I’m not going to force my opinion down your throat but use the brain Charles Darwin gave you and think about this before you pass judgment: segregation is an ugly thing. When the revolution comes do you really want to be associated with the titles keeping genres and professions from literary harmony?
*from one of my own works with my own characters. Nobody was ripped off in the making of this article.
The World's Dumbest Laws II
In Germany, a pillow is considered a "passive weapon".
If you run out of gas on the highway, you may expect a fine.
It is illegal to drink water at the Oktoberfest.
Between the hours of 8AM and 8PM, 70% of music on the radio must be by French artists.
No pig may be addressed as Napoleon by its owner.
It is forbidden without a cemetery plot to die on the territory of the commune.
An ashtray is considered to be a deadly weapon.
Energy drinks like red bull can't be purchased by kids under the age of 16.
In Holland, it is legal to use drugs in your own house, as long as the police doesn't know when or where you used it.
Weed is completely legalized, but you cannot smoke it in public. Also, it is illegal to carry more than 5 grams on you.
Prostitution is legal, but they have to pay taxes like any other business.
There's a 12 year jail sentence on feeding elderly people space cake after an incident that occurred in 1998.
Bungee jumping is illegal.
Oral sex is illegal unless it is used as a form of foreplay.
The sale of gum is prohibited.
Failure to flush a public toilet after use may result in very hefty fines.
If you are convicted of littering three times, you will have to clean the streets on Sundays with a bib on saying, “I am a litterer.
Next time: More Dumb Laws!
Quiz- what you never knew about yourself
By (who else) Zammy, with special thanks to OfficiallyGraduatedKS
Directions: Pick the answers that you like best and then at the bottom there will be 'tards for you.
1. Which is worse?
A. Not enough peanut butter on your sandwich
B. Too much peanut butter on your sandwich
C. Chocolate covered ants
2. Which is better?
A. Hot fudge
C. Chocolate covered chocolate
3. You’re hungry, there are three things in your fridge. Do you…
A. Chuck them in a blender and drink it through a straw
B. Order your robot to go shopping for you
C. Go to the store and buy chocolate covered ‘nannerpuss
4. Why is this all about food?
A. Because everybody loves food except anorexics but they don’t really count anyway
B. How should I know, it’s your quiz. And by the way, it’s a stupid quiz
C. Chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate chocolate. I LOVE CHOCOLATE! And you! <3
5. Last question!
A. Where’s the question?
B. Where did you go why are you keeping me in suspense why do you hate me? Waaaah
C. Oh! Oh! I know the answer to this one! It’s chocolate!
You’re made of cheese, and you like to pet feathers. You also hate black bears and take long walks in the rain while singing and slapping lions in the face. Danger seems to be stalking you and you’re married to a hand-cream addict.
Your skin is aqua colored. You like the color yellow, apples are your favorite hat, and oranges make you break out in flesh-colored triangles. You are compatible with most cell phones and mobile devices.
Alliteration is your passion. Your greatest wish is to be a fish, you have five fingers but six finger nails on one hand, and you’re in love with a pirate. Your motto is ‘using logarithms to take square roots is silly and excessive.’ Chocolate.
Welcome to my corner! Now that's my second time here, I should just unleash the goodies I've had prepared for you, immediately.Without further ado, here's your horoscopes!
And here's another feast for you; here's three of them to enjoy! SONG LYRIC STORY! Original concept here on DR by Mouse
Whew! That's a lot of lyricism!And because I'm so full of myself here at Dark Rain, I'll introduce the winning piece of the Dark Rain Lipogram contest, by Monsoon Dancer - an awesome little contest that put's the candidates own minds against them! This piece, was written by me, and does not include the letter 'i' And god it was difficult! Personally I hope there's more to follow
And that's all this time! Tune in next time for another Quix's Quorner!Your friendly developer
Sarge’s Quick Guide to Fashion
This issue’s guide is unusual, odd, in some respects even bizarre, the reasoning behind this is that for too long I have confined my, dare I say, limitless wisdom to elongated works detailing every aspect of a particular field to ensure that you, my beloved unwashed common people might find yourselves prepared for all the suffering you are likely to endure in your tedious little lives. The problem with my overwhelming altruism is however that it lacks vigour and poignancy, also it’s somewhat tricky to fit Sarge’s Abridged History of the Ancient World in your pack pocket, ergo I’ve resolved to intermingle shorter punchier guide’s with my longer more worthwhile donations. Think of it much as akin to feeding an orphan steaks on a regular basis and then without warning make him eat shards of broken glass for a week, with that in mind Enjoy!
Ladies: In case society hasn’t told you yet fashion along with celebrities, babies and kitchens should always be at the forefront of your mind, wax everything, eyeballs, jumpers and whatever else, hell try dipping your house in hot wax with you inside and get a crane to rip it off. Also you should dress skimpily, any clothes that aren’t a size to small or could be classified as anything else than a handkerchief should be waxed and thrown away immediately. But this is a Sarge top tip here tiddlywinks, put on a bloody jumper, you’ll catch your death!
Dudes: I spose you could try the metro-sexual thing, get an emo haircut, wear stupidly tight trousers and a bra, just be prepared for the occasional odd second look from other gentlemen desperately trying to mentally justify the pickup line they were about to utter in a manner that wouldn’t disappoint their parents. Honestly drink beer, use deodorant and shave regularly and television reliably informs me you should be Shaft by now, or at the very least something approaching a dilute version of Liam Neeson, and even you thick skulled grunts should be able to realize that’s sex on legs.
Formal occasions: Ball gowns and Suits would be the cliché solution, seriously some ORIGINALITY PEOPLE! Uniforms are a good twist, if you’re not in an army then you should see me on the way out but for the time being any uniform will do really, go down the army surplus and pick up some nice Waffen SS duds, mug a traffic warden, nick a waxwork of Lord Nelson, the possibilities are endless, whatever you do though don’t try stealing any of the costumes Sean Bean took home at the end of Sharpe, I’m not joking here just don’t!
In the words of the glorious Aleksandr, the most beloved meerkat known to man, “Simples!”, now get the hell out of my house, and whatever you do, DO NOT FUCK WITH SEAN BEAN!
1.What is your rank?
Member……. Today, I
Premium Member....... While bathing, I
Admin……. Yesterday, I
Mentor……. I was eating crab cakes when I
Mod……. After I stopped binge drinking I
General Staff……. I was peeling potatoes when I
Ex staff……. Tomorrow I
2.When did you join (month)?
January……. ran into
March……. played extreme frisbee with
April……. ran over
June……. danced the chicken dance with
July……. sang Single Ladies with
August……. burped up
September……. sat on
December……. threw a rock at
3.What’s your preferred genre?
Science Fiction……. Quixium56
Fan Fiction……. Hyede
Horror……. Lord Synical
Battlefield....... Arius Daemonis
4.How many contests have you won?
Don’t know/don’t care....... and now I’m addicted to unicorn farts.
0……. and it rocked hardcore.
1……. and that’s all she wrote, motherfucker.
2……. and then I made myself cake. It was so delicious and moist.
3……. and now I have crabs. Sadface.
4+……. and life seems pointless now. </wrist>
This is the end
Have something you’re insanely proud of? A piece of art, poem, short story that you feel the world needs to see? Send it in! You could see your name up in text in the next issue of Dark Rain’s very own newsletter. Just send a PM to your friendly neighborhood Supreme Editor and Awesome Person Zammy, and depending on time and length your brainchild will be featured in the next DRNL. Any serious feedback or ideas on what you’d like to see in the next issue should also go to the aforementioned Zammy, same Supreme position, same Supreme inbox. We're always looking for
Staff list (by order of appearance)
Arius Daemonis (not pictured)
Front cover by Quixium56; back image done by TheZamboniKnight
"Drug induced awesome is not awesome, but a pretender to awesome.
True awesome comes naturally from within oneself."
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