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| The Screaming Weasels | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: May 24 2009, 01:53 PM (196 Views) | |
| Doghouse | May 24 2009, 01:53 PM Post #1 |
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![]() "GIVE ME ONE HUNDRED SPACE MARINES, FAILING THAT GIVE ME ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND SCREAMING WEASELS..." Anon: Siege of Mudball III +++Chapter Cross-Reference - The Screaming Weasels+++ +++Inquisitorial Clearance - What number am I thinking of?+++ +++Current Chapter Base: Classified...well...maybe not so much classified as sort of misplaced...I'm sure I wrote it down here somewhere...+++ +++This Transmission is based on a true story that my room mate Dave told me+++ Origins During the time before the time of the complete destruction of their homeworld the Cosmic Space Knights (of doom) had decided that they were in fact Successors of the Black Templars. Many of the Chapter's historians point out that this was due to trace elements in the sixth zygote that strongly suggested genetic markers that may have originated from the Primarch Rogal Dorn. Other more liberal thinkers point out that this is just rubbish made up by the then Supreme Grand Chapter Master Stubble Largepecks to justify him getting his hands on a sporty new Land Raider Crusader. Such liberal thinkers have long since found themselves assigned to be UCSS Rules Lawyers and accidently repeatedly run over by a Land Raider Crusader before being accidently shot in the back of the head whilst sleeping and dumped out an airlock. Due to the relaxed recruiting standards at this time the CSK(od) Chapter ranks grew to an unimaginable and to be frank unmanageble size. Such barbaric recruiting practices such as the trial of the thousand dagger cuts had long since been replaced by more entertaining trials such as the holy trial of fitting your fist into your mouth or the blessed trial of beer mat flipping. After much debate and consultation of the chapter's most sacred artifact, the Emperor's Magic Eightball, it was finally decided that the Chapter should sire a number of Successors. The first of which would be the Screaming Weasels. The Great Founding of The Screaming Weasels The Chapter Council debated for many months as to the nature of their first true successors. What form of combat would they specialise in? Who would be worthy of leading them, forging them in battle untill the day when their name rang out across the very stars themselves carried by word of their great exploits? What aspects of war should be concidered when divining their heraldry and chapter icon, would they strike from the heavens above like the eagle or would they tear into their enemy mercilessly like the Lion? These and many other questions that should have been concidered were thrown out the window after some of the brothers managed to vapourise the west wing of the monestry along with the Supreme Grand Chapter Master's newly constructed Land Raider Crusader during a drunken game of pin the melta bomb on the donkey. The trouble makers had to go! And so the chapter council announced a great feast to be held on the planet of Spitball Prime in honour of the new founding. Word was spread throughout the chapter that the party would be held in shifts, the first one thousand would decend to the planet via drop pod and begin the celebrations to be later joined by successive waves of their brethren who had to remain behind to do some important stuff that the first wave clearly wouldn't be interested in. The truth, however, was slightly more sinister. The first wave had been selected by the council from the the more...how shall we say?.."special" battle brothers. Those that had truely excelled at ineptitude, those brothers that found themselves out of their depth in a car park puddle, the ones that had been forced to wear mittens to stop them from hurting themselves. Once the brothers had disembarked from the battle barges via drop pod heading for planetside the fleet left orbit and headed for the warp. The Dropsite Masquerade After making planet fall it was several hours before the betrayal became apparent and several hours more before one of the brothers found a note pinned to a single keg of beer: ![]() And so the Screaming Weasels were formed, however, fate was to yet deal a cruel blow to the CSK(od). The destruction of their homeworld resulted in near total annihilation of the CSK(od) with over ninety percent of their chapter wiped out ensuring that no further successors would be created. |
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| Doghouse | May 24 2009, 01:54 PM Post #2 |
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Chapter Icon The Screaming Weasels traditon states that each brother is reponsible for maintaining his own armour, this includes painting his own squad markings and chapter icon onto the shoulder pads. This has led to some degree of rivalry between brothers that can paint and those that can't. For example Brother Grissel Bigthumbs was woefully unskilled when it came to painting and resorted to using a crude stamp made from a potato dipped in white paint. Brother Davinci Vangoff, however, was a master of the paint brush and spent hundreds of hours perfecting what can only be described as a "work of genius that made all those who gazed apon it weep tears of joy". Brother Vangoff's tragic death was a great loss to the chapter and the circumstances of his demise still remain a mystery to this day. He was found dead in his quarters, stuffed in a locker having forcibly choked to death on several large potatoes dipped in white paint. Chapter Colours Brother Hans Slamdunk; Second Company ![]() Veteran Sergeant Chuck Bigchest; Second Company
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| Doghouse | May 24 2009, 01:54 PM Post #3 |
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The Legacy of Brother Davinci Vangoff Since the creation of their new Fortress-Monastery on Spitball II (formerly the Treehouse-Monastery) Brother Vangoff had been an exceptionally gifted pioneer of technology. After the creation of their chapter the battle brothers realised that they basically had the armour they were wearing and a keg of beer with which to work with. It is written that the heavens parted and a glorious ray of light sent by the Emperor himself guided the brother Vangoff to a hidden temple now know as the "Grand Repository of Knowledge and Stuff." The truth is somewhat different, after a blazing arguement with Brother Bigthumbs, Vangoff stormed off into the desert only to fall down an abandoned mineshaft. When he came to he discovered that he had discovered a complete and intact STC system. From here he created everything the chapter needed, always careful to ensure that he and he alone knew the correct codes to imput to create what was needed. It was a golden era that came to an abrupt end with his untimely and mysterious death. The Techmarines laboured long and hard to try to get the machine that Vangoff claimed to have created to work. But no-matter how hard they tryed they couldn't get it right. It seemed that the secrets of the "Artificiers Creation Machine Engine" would be forever lost. That was untill one of Vangoff's assistants stumbled across his secret journal that told of clues hidden throughout the Fortress-Monastery that would unlock the code of the great A.C.M.E. After half and hour the techmarines gave up looking having realised that Vangoff was far too clever for his own good and now produce things by wildly stabbing at the keypad and hoping for the best. Whatever comes out the other end is claimed to be what the Techmarine intended to create in the first place. The Legendary Plate Armour of Doom It is said that before his untimely death Vangoff had begun work on upgrading the armour of the chapter and that he had created seven suits of power armour so wonderous that their very beauty would turn blows aside. This is probably a bit of an exaggeration and it's far more likely got something to do with the sophisiticated repulsor fields housed with the armour itself. To date only one suit has been found and is traditionally worn by the Supreme Grand Chapter Master. Chapter Organisation The Screaming Weasels are divided into ten standard companies as laid down in the codex numbering one to ten. The First being the veteran company and the tenth being the Scout company. Battlecry "Not in the Face!" Chapter Traits Cut and Paste Being a Successor of the CSK(od) the Chapter follows the example of their Progenitors for guidance in matters of organisation. However, the Screaming Weasels have long since decided that all the aggrovation caused by organisational changes really aren't worth the effort. Therefore some of the CSK(od) rules apply to the Screaming Weasels but in true codex style they are simply cut and paste with the term "CSK(od) being replaced by "The Screaming Weasels." See And They Shall Have no Clue for an example. And They Shall Have No Clue The Screaming Weasels are notoriously bad at organisation of any kind. Many battles have been won simply because they have overrun enemy positions thinking they were retreating to their own lines Many times they have halted their retreat (Cross Reference: See Tactical Withdrawal) to bicker amongst themselves as to who had the Thunderhawk keys last and who's stupid idea was it to come here in the first plase? The Screaming Weasels benefit from the And They Shall Know No Fear special rules. The Legendary Armour of Vangoff It is said that who ever wears this armour will be destined for greatness or at the very least look pretty darn cool. The armour is currently worn by Supreme Grand Chapter Master Lars Bigmuscles. Special Rules The armour is treated as Artificier Armour and incorporates an Iron Halo. As it is extremely rare only one suit may be taken in an army. Recruitment Poster
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