Speculative biology is simultaneously a science and form of art in which one speculates on the possibilities of life and evolution. What could the world look like if dinosaurs had never gone extinct? What could alien lifeforms look like? What kinds of plants and animals might exist in the far future? These questions and more are tackled by speculative biologists, and the Speculative Evolution welcomes all relevant ideas, inquiries, and world-building projects alike. With a member base comprising users from across the world, our community is the largest and longest-running place of gathering for speculative biologists on the web.
While unregistered users are able to browse the forum on a basic level, registering an account provides additional forum access not visible to guests as well as the ability to join in discussions and contribute yourself! Registration is free and instantaneous.
A cockroach can't beat a dinosaur, but it sure can beat an atom bomb.
Also known as:
Ivan
I decided we need more SpecEvo forum fics, so I'm making one of my own. The process was nearly complete, just as the obligatory thunder and lightning decided to peak its crescendo. The chalk circle drawn on the floor was growing to a blinding light, as the High Admin Parasky called upon the Admins of old to grant Moderative powers to the newest Staff member, LittleIslander. The remaining Admins Sheather and Holben were busy directing the other staff on keeping the ominous Latin mantras going in the background. “And one last thing before we’re done,” said Parasky as he gave LittleIslander a skull-bashing punch to the face, finishing the ritual. The sound produced was enough to wake Seascorpion out of his Time-Zone-slumber. “Something something new people…” he muttered as he started back up with the others in their chorus.
Later, as everyone cracked open a celebratory drink and headed for the door, LittleIslander went up to Holben and asked the robot, “So tell me again why he had to punch me? It’s not like it builds character.” “Hey, that’s a time honored tradition! You’re lucky you didn’t have to battle the rest of us,” Holben told LittleIslander. “Do you know how many limbs I had to regenerate after my trials?” Monster said as it trod past them, “It took them a lot longer to heal themselves though.” “At least you weren’t in Dial’s position,” added Hybrid as he hopped to his mobile box-throne, “he had to fight ‘em all at once.”
Upon leaving, everyone went about their business, some heading to Castle Spec, others heading to the various Forums, others dissipating for their nights. Hybrid and Monster went over to the Member Introductions, where new speccers would be born in the the processing units. The next batch had recently come in, from the the latest season: summer, or May, June, July, and August. Beetleboy was busy twiddling his thumbs, watching Classy Amoeba and Thylacine poke the sausage-skin blobs with some sticks.
“So, Beetleboy, I hope everything’s going well. Looks like you’ve got your work cut out for you.” Monster chidded to the dilly dallyer. At this, the lizard jumped around and saluted, quickly saying “Welcome to the vats sirs! We’ve been doing excellently in maintaining the influx of visitors and new members!” Hybrid considered telling of LittleIslander’s ascent, but instead asked, “So, any new members joining currently?” “We’ve got some popping out now, if you wanna look,” chimed in Thylacine.
As if on queue, one of the blobs -specifically the May blob- split open, sending its contents spilling into a containment pan. The first few were the usual: the small, deformed embryos that show people that registered and forgot. The ones who stayed quickly followed suit. As they emerged, the new members started to take on a specific shape, going through various embryological stages to do so. The first to form came out as a pair of of orbiting planetoids; soon a pelican in a suit formed, as well as a bootlegged Toothless, among others. Monster barked a signal to Classy Amoeba, who quickly pressed a button to send the group of newcomers down the line to a truck set for the Member Introductions.
“Hybrid! The June one’s splitting early!” The two mods sped over to Beetlboy’s spot, as a hole was poked in the June blob. Thylacine charged to the blob with an emergency pan, ready to catch any premature members. Surprisingly, only two things fell out: a hyrax and a loaf of bread. As the three lesser members scratched their heads, Hybrid PMed Zorcuspine, the mod currently tending to the Member Introductions.
PM System-Hybrid
Hey, we got some premature speccers. Need someone to give them a lift. Seems we’ve got a hyrax and bread.
PM System-Zorcuspine
Sure thing. Sending flashman over now. Also, since when has food come out of those vats? Weird.
In an instant, flashman appeared with a pair of containers for the two newcomers, taking them and returning to the proper Forum. Upon reaching the main compound for recently made members, flashman handed them to Dapper Man for processing. After going through the necessary checks and papers, the two were sent off to Sayornis in the training grounds and practice Spec for teaching, along with the pelican and planetoids from May and Tet as an assistant.
I count myself as British when it suits me. -Ddraig Goch A magical beast that shits lightning in the name of the Warsaw Pact. -Kamineigh My friend was about to date this girl and then found out she was his second cousin. -Jasonguppy In its 4,600 year history, men from all eras, places and classes have been entering into the Library: from the ancient bearded sages of Sumeria and Chaldea, to the sober-minded Academics and Zoologists of the Victorian era, to the great warlord Cletus, an inbred hillbilly who just happened to be carrying his AR-15 around his County's Strip-Mall library. -Flashman63 Don't underestimate dials sexual advice, if you do get with her, it will be a lot easier than finding Japanese for blowjob. -Seascorpion I once dreamed I was trying to steal a flamingo. The flamingo was oddly calm about the whole situation. -Velociraptor It's just one species(Homo sapiens) on one little planet that I don't get along with... -Russwallac WITH OR WITHOUT NUTS? -Kamineigh Somewhere in heaven, a very groggy, very confused angel has just woken up and is trying to figure out why a boisterous Australian man is poking it with a stick. -Zihuatanejo Wait...you didn't urinate today did you? -Lamna Everybody knows people are 100% gay and anyone who claims not to be is in the closet. -Colddigger I regret everything I ever did and said. Ever. -KomradeWatcher Clearly, you have to start with the element that doesn't have any protons at all. -Kamineigh I will refer to her as Shelob, and hope she doesn't eat Fred. -Monster An Admantus has multiple forms, one of which is a derived hoatzin, or a floating cetacean. -OlympianMaster Soup is the spawn of Satan. -OlympianMaster Gosh you guys, 12 is the age for coke, not smokes. -Colddigger Why has Trex841 forsaken us? -Sheather I'll hit you in the armpit if you change your avatar. -Lamna And this is what the big one calls a 'camera'. Do smile politely, Alex. -Sheather's birb You are dunked in the vat of reverse-aging goo until you fit the criteria. -Holben the Popshroom is something of a counterpart to Nitwhite's endlessly ascending murderpigeons. -Sayornis And then a tree grew out of my desk. -Malicious Monkey All hail robo-Stalin. -Mr. Mysterio The greater risk involved in getting greater-cat droppings might also, in itself, make them more valued. -Sayornis Honestly Livyatan was worse than Parasky. -The Heretic Flisch.
Quote:
Old Guard have powers? -Dr. Nitwhite The same that crotchety old people do. Age. -Ivan_The_Inedible
You know extra limbs, the epitome of fashion. -Stealth Rock You'd totally screw people up if you somehow shortened or lengthened their arms. -Flisch
Quote:
Are you sure it's not just an eldritch wang? -Stealth_Rock 9 times out of 10, it usually is just an eldritch wang. -Mr. Mysterio
How many birthdays do you even HAVE?!
Well is it your UnBirthday! -Ivan_The_Inedible No... in a couple of months, however. -Dapper Man
Glarn, don't fuck the cave baboons. -Mr. Mysterio ANswer to every question thrown at you: crush a town with a burning meteor. -thatdudeun0 Oh, come on, I knew I should have gone with the pedophiles! -Trex841 You said fucking wot about Duecideye? -Dr. Nitwhite Therefore, hell and heaven must both be filled with camels. -Sphenodon What the fuck is an isopod doing in Hawaii? -Glarnboudin Fun fact: Whenever you learn something new, you are slowly approaching omniscience. -Flisch Specula existed as a top secret military project, that resulted in the creation of such beings as Lamna and Parasky, who were to be used in the war against Ba Sing Se. Eventually though, they ended up created Fakey, and they attempted to terminate it. Livyatan made the mistake of trying to save it, and he released the experiments from their containment, giving rise to the forum as we know it today. -Komrade Watcher We will not have fun here! We are talking about the scientific viability of adorable monsters that you keep in balls and use to fight other 10-year-olds' monsters for money and glory! THIS IS SEWIOUS -Glarnboudin I'd have mixed feelings about killing Parasky. -Hangingthief. They won that game, btw, as foretold by the ALL SEEING BIRD. -CanidaeSkull from tumblr Join with us, in the Illumi-Spec-y. -Ivan_The_Inedible I need him for totally legal things. Definitley not mass-cloning. -Ivan_The_Inedible Is normal a good word to describe any of us? -Dragon
Who will know?
Truly a god of abject pain and suffering.
ESPECIALLY after what Parasky did to him.
In case of Spec-destroying emergency, post in the enclosed thread.
The unburnt, unlucky in love, "oi you", and etcetera.
Back to good old windows seven and usable internet.
Due to the fact that I'm a skrub who can't draw without a reference, these are all a cross between a battledroid of some variety, kitchen implements ("wE CAn alWaYS AdD NEw DeaLs To The OFfEr! JuST ODRer NOw AnD We'Ll ThROw in An EXTra KiTCheN SinK For FReE!"), and a little of my own flair.
This here is the standard issue spambot, armed either with knives or the "microwaver", a plasma blaster that is powered by a microwave (its implausibility increases its effectiveness against speccers) Warning, fricken massive images! I'll link the album at the end.
Spoiler: click to toggle
The heavier model. He is armed with a pressure cooker arm cannon and these abominations found in my grandmother's kitchen.
The Great Song (5 myh, North America is filled with giant coots, life in the clouds, and the songs of human descendants. One curious society has devoted itself to the study of this world)
BREAKING NEWS We interrupt your regular programming to bring you this cutting edge report. ATTENDANCE DROPS DRASTICALLY ON SE SERVER This past Monday on Discord, famous server Speculative Evolution took a hit in the attendance office when it's offline member list suddenly reappeared. Mods scrambled to rectify the situation, but unfortunately there was little anyone could do. Server member Ivan was asked what he thought of the situation. "So long as Flisch, lord of machines and scion of Urborg lives, all will be well". SE, (in)famous for it's eccentric userbase, has recently been spiraling downward, and now we have hard conformation of the decline. Moderator "High Lord" Icthyander states "There is nothing to be concerned about, Discord is merely changing its UI again", but members are beginning to suspect the honesty of their staff. Stay tuned, we'll be back with more at 11.
A cockroach can't beat a dinosaur, but it sure can beat an atom bomb.
Also known as:
Ivan
You sir, get all the likes. Love what you did with them. I think the last one's a nutcracker. Charging in with a renewed sense of vigor, Parasky's group quickly began to chase down the remaining legions of robots and trolls, shredding them to pieces where they found them. When they came across a group of members, be they hiding or fighting, they usually added to their ranks of machine exterminators.
With Sayornis' group, things weren't looking too bright. Going through the many winding halls, they were always being chased by swarms of spambots, with their mantras of KItcHEn SiNKs aND GReaT DeaLS droning incessantly in the background. The only respite was the efforts of Ivan, who would occasionally bring a cabinet full of small bread monsters to stave off the inexorable tide of metal for a time, however short. Soon, Sayornis finally found what they had been looking for: the Armory, where the building's weapons were stored for these types of events. Quickly entering it and barricading the door, Sayornis frantically took a head count. Tet, Planetace, Vailnoff, TerrifficTyler, Ivan... Looking around desperately, Sayornis called out her realization. "Where's Nitwhite and Celophysoidea?" Almost immediately the others began removing the barricade, while Ivan promptly vanished.
Outside the doors, the pelican and small dinosaur were huddled close to the door, looking increasingly smaller against the backdrop of hundreds of spambots, as well as the towering figures of the few trolls left fighting. As one of the hulking brutes prepared to charge, in between them once again stood Ivan, this time with seemingly every single cabinet from across the world. Another slap on the ground, and the floodgates were opened. The inexorable tide found its near match, as the new swarm of processed grain washed over the robots like a swarm of wheat attacking locusts. The troll however, was fazed little by the new threat, and was only preoccupied with attacking loaves for a few short seconds. Ivan, taking the opportunity, gestured to the other new members, pointing with a tentacle into his open mouth.
Both Dr. Nitwhite and Celophysoidea were understandably against the idea of jumping into the mutated bread's gullet, but the quickly approaching troll made their decision for them. Jumping into Ivan's mouth, both of them felt for a second like they were nothing but air, floating in a squishy container. Then they returned to their original density, and all three were back in the armory, with only the muffled noises outside and the loud thump of the troll hitting the door. As everyone huddled together, the noises of rat-like screeches and kITcHEn ApPLIanCEs soon turned to the sounds of tearing metal, explosions, and pained screams.
Soon enough, the sounds stopped, and Sayornis received a PM.
PM System-HIGH ADMIN PARASKY
You can open the door now.
Once opened, Sayornis' group could see the devastation wrought upon the poor hallway. Craters from Hybrid's tank littered the floor, and just about any decoration that was there, now wasn't. While some were busy tearing apart any larger spambots, and others were busy trying to figure out what the weird bread creatures were as well as herd them together, the Staff members present were all surrounding Parasky near the door. He was kneeling on the ground, drawing something in spambot oil.
Holben quickly rotated to face Sayornis, assessing her group's well being. "Sayornis, bring your group over! Parasky might want to talk to you!" Heading over, Sayornis quickly saw what Holben was talking about: Parasky was busily muttering to himself, while he used a canister of spambot oil to draw several images on the floor. The biggest one at the center was of a great whale, which everyone immediately recognized as being a sign from Lord Livyatan. The other images showed a titanic stick figure rising among a small group of others, as well as a piece of toast, a pelican, a rabbit-like mammal, and a dinosaur with a glowing aura around it. Parasky then stood up, and began heading for Castle Spec. Before leaving, Parasky looked to the group. "Sayornis, Tet, IvanTheInedible, TerrificTyler, Dr. Nitwhite, and Celophysoidea, you're all coming with me." The six of them quickly followed behind the Admin, and the the other Staff present began trailing them, as they began their trip to the capitol of the world, Castle Spec.
I count myself as British when it suits me. -Ddraig Goch A magical beast that shits lightning in the name of the Warsaw Pact. -Kamineigh My friend was about to date this girl and then found out she was his second cousin. -Jasonguppy In its 4,600 year history, men from all eras, places and classes have been entering into the Library: from the ancient bearded sages of Sumeria and Chaldea, to the sober-minded Academics and Zoologists of the Victorian era, to the great warlord Cletus, an inbred hillbilly who just happened to be carrying his AR-15 around his County's Strip-Mall library. -Flashman63 Don't underestimate dials sexual advice, if you do get with her, it will be a lot easier than finding Japanese for blowjob. -Seascorpion I once dreamed I was trying to steal a flamingo. The flamingo was oddly calm about the whole situation. -Velociraptor It's just one species(Homo sapiens) on one little planet that I don't get along with... -Russwallac WITH OR WITHOUT NUTS? -Kamineigh Somewhere in heaven, a very groggy, very confused angel has just woken up and is trying to figure out why a boisterous Australian man is poking it with a stick. -Zihuatanejo Wait...you didn't urinate today did you? -Lamna Everybody knows people are 100% gay and anyone who claims not to be is in the closet. -Colddigger I regret everything I ever did and said. Ever. -KomradeWatcher Clearly, you have to start with the element that doesn't have any protons at all. -Kamineigh I will refer to her as Shelob, and hope she doesn't eat Fred. -Monster An Admantus has multiple forms, one of which is a derived hoatzin, or a floating cetacean. -OlympianMaster Soup is the spawn of Satan. -OlympianMaster Gosh you guys, 12 is the age for coke, not smokes. -Colddigger Why has Trex841 forsaken us? -Sheather I'll hit you in the armpit if you change your avatar. -Lamna And this is what the big one calls a 'camera'. Do smile politely, Alex. -Sheather's birb You are dunked in the vat of reverse-aging goo until you fit the criteria. -Holben the Popshroom is something of a counterpart to Nitwhite's endlessly ascending murderpigeons. -Sayornis And then a tree grew out of my desk. -Malicious Monkey All hail robo-Stalin. -Mr. Mysterio The greater risk involved in getting greater-cat droppings might also, in itself, make them more valued. -Sayornis Honestly Livyatan was worse than Parasky. -The Heretic Flisch.
Quote:
Old Guard have powers? -Dr. Nitwhite The same that crotchety old people do. Age. -Ivan_The_Inedible
You know extra limbs, the epitome of fashion. -Stealth Rock You'd totally screw people up if you somehow shortened or lengthened their arms. -Flisch
Quote:
Are you sure it's not just an eldritch wang? -Stealth_Rock 9 times out of 10, it usually is just an eldritch wang. -Mr. Mysterio
How many birthdays do you even HAVE?!
Well is it your UnBirthday! -Ivan_The_Inedible No... in a couple of months, however. -Dapper Man
Glarn, don't fuck the cave baboons. -Mr. Mysterio ANswer to every question thrown at you: crush a town with a burning meteor. -thatdudeun0 Oh, come on, I knew I should have gone with the pedophiles! -Trex841 You said fucking wot about Duecideye? -Dr. Nitwhite Therefore, hell and heaven must both be filled with camels. -Sphenodon What the fuck is an isopod doing in Hawaii? -Glarnboudin Fun fact: Whenever you learn something new, you are slowly approaching omniscience. -Flisch Specula existed as a top secret military project, that resulted in the creation of such beings as Lamna and Parasky, who were to be used in the war against Ba Sing Se. Eventually though, they ended up created Fakey, and they attempted to terminate it. Livyatan made the mistake of trying to save it, and he released the experiments from their containment, giving rise to the forum as we know it today. -Komrade Watcher We will not have fun here! We are talking about the scientific viability of adorable monsters that you keep in balls and use to fight other 10-year-olds' monsters for money and glory! THIS IS SEWIOUS -Glarnboudin I'd have mixed feelings about killing Parasky. -Hangingthief. They won that game, btw, as foretold by the ALL SEEING BIRD. -CanidaeSkull from tumblr Join with us, in the Illumi-Spec-y. -Ivan_The_Inedible I need him for totally legal things. Definitley not mass-cloning. -Ivan_The_Inedible Is normal a good word to describe any of us? -Dragon
Who will know?
Truly a god of abject pain and suffering.
ESPECIALLY after what Parasky did to him.
In case of Spec-destroying emergency, post in the enclosed thread.
The unburnt, unlucky in love, "oi you", and etcetera.
Quote:
You sir, get all the likes. Love what you did with them. I think the last one's a nutcracker.
Thanks! It is, in fact, a can opener. The scary looking murder knife I have no idea, probably used in animal sacrifice to appease the spirits of the Catskills.
Quote:
Both Dr. Nitwhite and Celophysoidea were understandably against the idea of jumping into the mutated bread's gullet, but the quickly approaching troll made their decision for them. Jumping into Ivan's mouth, both of them felt for a second like they were nothing but air, floating in a squishy container. Then they returned to their original density, and all three were back in the armory, with only the muffled noises outside and the loud thump of the troll hitting the door.
The TF2 references increase!
Quote:
"Sayornis, Tet, IvanTheInedible, TerrificTyler, Dr. Nitwhite, and Celophysoidea, you're all coming with me."
This deserves more attention.
Speculative Evolution Projects-
The Great Song (5 myh, North America is filled with giant coots, life in the clouds, and the songs of human descendants. One curious society has devoted itself to the study of this world)
BREAKING NEWS We interrupt your regular programming to bring you this cutting edge report. ATTENDANCE DROPS DRASTICALLY ON SE SERVER This past Monday on Discord, famous server Speculative Evolution took a hit in the attendance office when it's offline member list suddenly reappeared. Mods scrambled to rectify the situation, but unfortunately there was little anyone could do. Server member Ivan was asked what he thought of the situation. "So long as Flisch, lord of machines and scion of Urborg lives, all will be well". SE, (in)famous for it's eccentric userbase, has recently been spiraling downward, and now we have hard conformation of the decline. Moderator "High Lord" Icthyander states "There is nothing to be concerned about, Discord is merely changing its UI again", but members are beginning to suspect the honesty of their staff. Stay tuned, we'll be back with more at 11.
A cockroach can't beat a dinosaur, but it sure can beat an atom bomb.
Also known as:
Ivan
Dr Nitwhite
Sep 5 2016, 04:55 PM
This deserves more attention.
To answer both statements...
Quotes are a thing
I count myself as British when it suits me. -Ddraig Goch A magical beast that shits lightning in the name of the Warsaw Pact. -Kamineigh My friend was about to date this girl and then found out she was his second cousin. -Jasonguppy In its 4,600 year history, men from all eras, places and classes have been entering into the Library: from the ancient bearded sages of Sumeria and Chaldea, to the sober-minded Academics and Zoologists of the Victorian era, to the great warlord Cletus, an inbred hillbilly who just happened to be carrying his AR-15 around his County's Strip-Mall library. -Flashman63 Don't underestimate dials sexual advice, if you do get with her, it will be a lot easier than finding Japanese for blowjob. -Seascorpion I once dreamed I was trying to steal a flamingo. The flamingo was oddly calm about the whole situation. -Velociraptor It's just one species(Homo sapiens) on one little planet that I don't get along with... -Russwallac WITH OR WITHOUT NUTS? -Kamineigh Somewhere in heaven, a very groggy, very confused angel has just woken up and is trying to figure out why a boisterous Australian man is poking it with a stick. -Zihuatanejo Wait...you didn't urinate today did you? -Lamna Everybody knows people are 100% gay and anyone who claims not to be is in the closet. -Colddigger I regret everything I ever did and said. Ever. -KomradeWatcher Clearly, you have to start with the element that doesn't have any protons at all. -Kamineigh I will refer to her as Shelob, and hope she doesn't eat Fred. -Monster An Admantus has multiple forms, one of which is a derived hoatzin, or a floating cetacean. -OlympianMaster Soup is the spawn of Satan. -OlympianMaster Gosh you guys, 12 is the age for coke, not smokes. -Colddigger Why has Trex841 forsaken us? -Sheather I'll hit you in the armpit if you change your avatar. -Lamna And this is what the big one calls a 'camera'. Do smile politely, Alex. -Sheather's birb You are dunked in the vat of reverse-aging goo until you fit the criteria. -Holben the Popshroom is something of a counterpart to Nitwhite's endlessly ascending murderpigeons. -Sayornis And then a tree grew out of my desk. -Malicious Monkey All hail robo-Stalin. -Mr. Mysterio The greater risk involved in getting greater-cat droppings might also, in itself, make them more valued. -Sayornis Honestly Livyatan was worse than Parasky. -The Heretic Flisch.
Quote:
Old Guard have powers? -Dr. Nitwhite The same that crotchety old people do. Age. -Ivan_The_Inedible
You know extra limbs, the epitome of fashion. -Stealth Rock You'd totally screw people up if you somehow shortened or lengthened their arms. -Flisch
Quote:
Are you sure it's not just an eldritch wang? -Stealth_Rock 9 times out of 10, it usually is just an eldritch wang. -Mr. Mysterio
How many birthdays do you even HAVE?!
Well is it your UnBirthday! -Ivan_The_Inedible No... in a couple of months, however. -Dapper Man
Glarn, don't fuck the cave baboons. -Mr. Mysterio ANswer to every question thrown at you: crush a town with a burning meteor. -thatdudeun0 Oh, come on, I knew I should have gone with the pedophiles! -Trex841 You said fucking wot about Duecideye? -Dr. Nitwhite Therefore, hell and heaven must both be filled with camels. -Sphenodon What the fuck is an isopod doing in Hawaii? -Glarnboudin Fun fact: Whenever you learn something new, you are slowly approaching omniscience. -Flisch Specula existed as a top secret military project, that resulted in the creation of such beings as Lamna and Parasky, who were to be used in the war against Ba Sing Se. Eventually though, they ended up created Fakey, and they attempted to terminate it. Livyatan made the mistake of trying to save it, and he released the experiments from their containment, giving rise to the forum as we know it today. -Komrade Watcher We will not have fun here! We are talking about the scientific viability of adorable monsters that you keep in balls and use to fight other 10-year-olds' monsters for money and glory! THIS IS SEWIOUS -Glarnboudin I'd have mixed feelings about killing Parasky. -Hangingthief. They won that game, btw, as foretold by the ALL SEEING BIRD. -CanidaeSkull from tumblr Join with us, in the Illumi-Spec-y. -Ivan_The_Inedible I need him for totally legal things. Definitley not mass-cloning. -Ivan_The_Inedible Is normal a good word to describe any of us? -Dragon
Who will know?
Truly a god of abject pain and suffering.
ESPECIALLY after what Parasky did to him.
In case of Spec-destroying emergency, post in the enclosed thread.
"Let's get stupid loud!" from SMFA. "You can't brush your damn teeth without a damn hook!!! " from Squidbillies..............
Gender:
Male
Sure can't wait for more of this quest.
Discontinued projects: The New Ostracoderms (i might continue with this project again someday) The Americas (where in 58 million years from now in the future North and South America has both become isolated island continents)
All Expansions (my attempt at expanding the universe of All Tomorrows by Nemo Ramjet aka C.M. Kosemen, started June 6, 2018) Anthropozoic (my attempt at expanding the universe of Man After Man and also a re-imagining of it, coming 2019 or 2020) New Cenozoica (my attempt at expanding the universe of The New Dinosaurs and also a re-imagining of it, also coming 2019 or 2020) All Alternatives or All Changes (a re-telling of All Tomorrows but with some minor and major "changes", coming June 10, 2018)
A cockroach can't beat a dinosaur, but it sure can beat an atom bomb.
Also known as:
Ivan
Finally decided to get off my ass to make this. You can start reading now. Oh and Nitwhite, I've got another reaction thing for you: http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/nope.gif The trip to Castle Spec was a very uneventful one. Using a little-known and little-used energy known only as ASB, the group had soon arrived at the coast of the Staff Lands. Sheather called upon the last living member of his aerwhales -enormous slugs that live their lives as floating islands- to give them a ride to the island Castle Spec resided upon. Though the trip certainly wasn't a long one, the newer members eventually resorted to various tricks to keep the boredom away. Ivan went to sleep while his tentacles kept fighting amongst themselves, Dr. Nitwhite and Celophysoidea busily groomed themselves, Tet and Tyler played tag, and Sayornis kept trying to listen in on the Staff meeting going on atop the tallest tree.
At this meeting, they were busily discussing a matter far more serious than the goings-on on the ground level. Monster was addressing the group unusually hastily, showing that something wasn't right. "Holben, we've got another issue besides Parasky's newest prophecy and spambots, and it's something that could be worse for us all." Hybrid looked around at the semi-shocked faces, and croaked his reply. "So what is it?" "Projects all over have been failing. They get flooded with pointless crap 'till they collapse, or they never go anywhere, with the life in them being slowly corrupted. A lot of them end up as some of the most implausible crap I've ever seen; quadraped birds, feathered mammals, you name it. More and more new members are coming out as those undeveloped fetuses and those that do develop rarely stay for long. This is something that could be related to Parasky's prophecy, but it's still an important issue."
Sayornis couldn't pick up on all of the details -thanks to an issue involving tree sap and the new members-, but she did know something was going on that wasn't very good. Her espionage was interrupted however, when the aerwhale suddenly lurked downward and came to a near-stop, now hovering a dozen or so meters off the Castle Spec island. Departing from the enormous flying slug, the group headed for the castle looming over them. Inside, Sayornis' group took in the splendor within, with a multitude of fantastic creatures roaming the grand hallways and elegant rooms, monuments to the intellect and prowess of the more creative members there. Towering pterosaur-like creatures strutted around carrying various objects, while crusty, black tree-like "fungi" lined several walls as a sort of odd decoration. Meanwhile, the rest of the Staff had joined the group, and they were all ahead of Sayornis' group as they began heading somewhere with greater urgency.
Eventually they came into a main room of sorts, a piece de resistance in an already titanic castle: a cavernous room fit for a cathedral towered over them, with an enormous skeleton standing as the centerpiece. A huge whale skeleton around 20 meters long was set in a position that made it seem like a snapshot of a whale mid-breach, bursting forth from an invisible ocean. One oddity was seen in its features: the front flippers were rearranged into a sort of deformed hand, with the individual fingers more independent than most would expect of such a creature. Waving his hand through the air, Parasky conjured up a large table for everyone to sit at, and took his own at the head of the table after everyone else. As the rest of the group waited silently for the High Admin's word, he finally cleared his throat. "I was visited by Livyatan back at the battle. That wasn't entirely me fighting, and it has to do with my drawings from earlier."
I count myself as British when it suits me. -Ddraig Goch A magical beast that shits lightning in the name of the Warsaw Pact. -Kamineigh My friend was about to date this girl and then found out she was his second cousin. -Jasonguppy In its 4,600 year history, men from all eras, places and classes have been entering into the Library: from the ancient bearded sages of Sumeria and Chaldea, to the sober-minded Academics and Zoologists of the Victorian era, to the great warlord Cletus, an inbred hillbilly who just happened to be carrying his AR-15 around his County's Strip-Mall library. -Flashman63 Don't underestimate dials sexual advice, if you do get with her, it will be a lot easier than finding Japanese for blowjob. -Seascorpion I once dreamed I was trying to steal a flamingo. The flamingo was oddly calm about the whole situation. -Velociraptor It's just one species(Homo sapiens) on one little planet that I don't get along with... -Russwallac WITH OR WITHOUT NUTS? -Kamineigh Somewhere in heaven, a very groggy, very confused angel has just woken up and is trying to figure out why a boisterous Australian man is poking it with a stick. -Zihuatanejo Wait...you didn't urinate today did you? -Lamna Everybody knows people are 100% gay and anyone who claims not to be is in the closet. -Colddigger I regret everything I ever did and said. Ever. -KomradeWatcher Clearly, you have to start with the element that doesn't have any protons at all. -Kamineigh I will refer to her as Shelob, and hope she doesn't eat Fred. -Monster An Admantus has multiple forms, one of which is a derived hoatzin, or a floating cetacean. -OlympianMaster Soup is the spawn of Satan. -OlympianMaster Gosh you guys, 12 is the age for coke, not smokes. -Colddigger Why has Trex841 forsaken us? -Sheather I'll hit you in the armpit if you change your avatar. -Lamna And this is what the big one calls a 'camera'. Do smile politely, Alex. -Sheather's birb You are dunked in the vat of reverse-aging goo until you fit the criteria. -Holben the Popshroom is something of a counterpart to Nitwhite's endlessly ascending murderpigeons. -Sayornis And then a tree grew out of my desk. -Malicious Monkey All hail robo-Stalin. -Mr. Mysterio The greater risk involved in getting greater-cat droppings might also, in itself, make them more valued. -Sayornis Honestly Livyatan was worse than Parasky. -The Heretic Flisch.
Quote:
Old Guard have powers? -Dr. Nitwhite The same that crotchety old people do. Age. -Ivan_The_Inedible
You know extra limbs, the epitome of fashion. -Stealth Rock You'd totally screw people up if you somehow shortened or lengthened their arms. -Flisch
Quote:
Are you sure it's not just an eldritch wang? -Stealth_Rock 9 times out of 10, it usually is just an eldritch wang. -Mr. Mysterio
How many birthdays do you even HAVE?!
Well is it your UnBirthday! -Ivan_The_Inedible No... in a couple of months, however. -Dapper Man
Glarn, don't fuck the cave baboons. -Mr. Mysterio ANswer to every question thrown at you: crush a town with a burning meteor. -thatdudeun0 Oh, come on, I knew I should have gone with the pedophiles! -Trex841 You said fucking wot about Duecideye? -Dr. Nitwhite Therefore, hell and heaven must both be filled with camels. -Sphenodon What the fuck is an isopod doing in Hawaii? -Glarnboudin Fun fact: Whenever you learn something new, you are slowly approaching omniscience. -Flisch Specula existed as a top secret military project, that resulted in the creation of such beings as Lamna and Parasky, who were to be used in the war against Ba Sing Se. Eventually though, they ended up created Fakey, and they attempted to terminate it. Livyatan made the mistake of trying to save it, and he released the experiments from their containment, giving rise to the forum as we know it today. -Komrade Watcher We will not have fun here! We are talking about the scientific viability of adorable monsters that you keep in balls and use to fight other 10-year-olds' monsters for money and glory! THIS IS SEWIOUS -Glarnboudin I'd have mixed feelings about killing Parasky. -Hangingthief. They won that game, btw, as foretold by the ALL SEEING BIRD. -CanidaeSkull from tumblr Join with us, in the Illumi-Spec-y. -Ivan_The_Inedible I need him for totally legal things. Definitley not mass-cloning. -Ivan_The_Inedible Is normal a good word to describe any of us? -Dragon
Who will know?
Truly a god of abject pain and suffering.
ESPECIALLY after what Parasky did to him.
In case of Spec-destroying emergency, post in the enclosed thread.
"My armour is like tenfold shields, my teeth are swords, my claws spears, the shock of my tail a thunderbolt, my wings a hurricane, and my breath death!"
Gender:
What is a gender? A miserable pile of secrets!
I imagine Castle Spec as like a gargantuan cross between a botanical garden and a castle; stands of vegetation lining the halls with animals in these chunks of wild spaces.
Quotes
Spoiler: click to toggle
OctoSharkTaSaurus: WELP. HELL-O-PHANTS IT IS. Kamineigh: I was six and I had started having fantasies about this old crone dying. Sometimes by my own hand. YOU'RE DOING SOMETHING HORRIBLY WRONG IF A SIX-YEAR OLD WANTS TO KILL YOU WITH THE SAME HANDS HE JUST USED TO MAKE A BLOCK TOWER. Parasky: No, he's right, they have a medical grade walrus at most hospitals for that sort of thing. Mr Mysterio, regarding yours truly: I'm learning things about you that I'm not sure I wanted to know. HangingThief: An otologist is only as good as his walrus Stealth_Rock: We have a discord for double penetration? Ichthyander: If your eyelids are massive enough to significantly affect the path of light in space, it is time to go sleep. Mr Mysterio: Glarn-Glarn, don't... don't fuck the cave baboons. Kamineigh: They lacked wings. Instead, they went around in modified pilot's gear and beat the shit out of people using maces. Parasky: No! We will not calm down! This is a serious argument over whether or not some long dead animal is in any way similar to a group of modern animals that they are descended from! THIS. IS. SEWIOUS. Lamna: Obvious typo, I'm never going to be popular in Belgium. Trex841: Interesting point. Valid counterpoint. Self-obsessed psychotic rant. Parasky: No ties. Begin genetically modifying crows until we have organisms that roughly resemble those in the competition, and then have them fight to the death to see who wins this competition. Alternatively, Cephalian and SabrWolf could fight to the death. But at the end of the day something will be fighting to the death for my amusement to determine the winner. Yellowdrakex: Is it alright to have an irrational fear of gliding snakes? They're snakes. FROM ABOVE. Kamineigh: See, you wouldn't be in this mess if you began a bloody revolution every time your leaders showed to unsatisfactory. Zihuatanejo: Somewhere in heaven, a very groggy, very confused angel has just woken up and is trying to figure out why a boisterous Australian man is poking it with a stick. Komodo: I'm sorry but in what alternative universe would thousands of zebras be sent back in time by some sort of illegal time travel group to change history and preparing them by making gigantic working animatronic allosaurs? Seriously, why? Parasky: Maybe y'all should move to America, where you can flex your freedom muscles. Sir Spookums: It's a game about children catching super powered monsters, stuffing them in tiny balls, and battling other strangers' monsters. What about that makes sense in regards to anything, mister Kam? Des Orages: Yi qi. Just when you think you've seen it all, nature screws us over once more. Kaminiegh: This is clearly an inaccurate statement. I'd never challenge the authority of an admin... Unless Paraksytron stubbed his toe and fell over. THEN I, STARSCREIGHM, WILL BECOME THE NEW LEADER OF OF THE DE-SPECU-CONS! Dragon: Is normal a good word to use for describing any of us? Velociraptor: I once dreamed I was trying to steal a flamingo. The flamingo was oddly calm about the whole situation. Kaminiegh: THAT'S IT, I'M KINKSHAMING. Flashman63: In its 4,600 year history, men from all eras, places and classes have been entering into the Library: from the ancient bearded sages of Sumeria and Chaldea, to the sober-minded Academics and Zoologists of the Victorian era, to the great warlord Cletus, an inbred hillbilly who just happened to be carrying his AR-15 around his County's Strip-Mall library. OctoSharktasaurus: Well, uh, it's a pseudo-tripedal, terrestrial subcontinental Madagascan Beaked Whale... Is that not obvious? It literally says it blatantly. Holben: Did you not add lamb's blood to your fruit juice and the crushed bones of an englishman to your salsa? It's not authentic if you don't. Kaminiegh: Shut up, Hybrid, stop ruining my chances of time-travelling and getting some Neanderthal tail! Mr Mysterio: Except maybe Canada. If ever there was a country that was hiding secret reserves of powerful alien technology, it's probably mine. HangingThief: If you answered mainly "yes," you are most likely a salamander. Unfortunately it is becoming harder and harder to tell these days. Monster: In vaguely related news, I've developed a fear of my sewing machine. WHAT ARE YOU STRANGE NEEDLEBEAST Mynxi: He sowed the seed, I merely pissed on it and saw what grew. Beetleboy: The moral of the story: never trust a catfish. Parasky: Speaking of original, note to self: write erotic classical Chinese literature fan fiction Bromance of the Three Kingdoms under pseudonym Tuck Chingle. Little: Starting playing DND, took all of an hour of gameplay until a yuri love-triangle was initiated. And no, it was not my fault. Corecin: If this is your first time with a lesbian love triangle in a DnD game than you don't even have to specify that you're starting out. Octo: Oh no now Little will enlighten with the deep and complex subject that is hentai lore. Beetleboy: It shows what kind of person I am that I'm seeking crush advice on a forum about creating fictional organisms. Corecin: I am not in the mood for looking up yuri because then the FBI agent monitoring my computer will judge me with reckless abandon. Blue_Komrade: Excuse me sir I am going to have to see if you have your membership card to the Misanthrope Club. Parasky: Ultimately, by the miracle of microbiology and biochemistry, I have accidentally added an additional month to my brew and created a Bavarian style hefeweizen rather than the American style wheat beer I planned, despite technically not having the correct ingredients. However because I wrote down what I did wrong its not a mistake it's actually science. Rebirth: I can't be the only one curious about what would happen if you spayed and neutered a male antechinus before it reached sexual maturity. Ebervalius: Laws? What kind of spooky cuckery is that? Parasky: Ah see, but that's just the thing, you thought that I thought that you thought that I had said you hadn't read it, when really I had said that you had said that you thought that I thought that you hadn't read it. So really it's Flisch's fault.
Co-creator/corporate minion for the Pop Culture Monster Apocalypse!
Evolutionary Continuum: Jurassic Safari: An adventure 65 million years in the making continues. The Future is Altered: When man plays God, he plays to win.
Alternative Evolution: The Extended Jurassic: The time of the titans extends through the Cretaceous Xensaron: Second chance for the strange
The Habitable Zone: Bellator: A World at War Pentrex: The five worlds of the five champions of the dinosaur world, together at last.
Alternate Universes: Terra Venatus: Where fantasy comes to life Terra Incognita: Planet Earth, now with 150% more pulp! Sol and its Surrounding Worlds: A Guide to the Organisms and Peoples of the Solar System (Companion to Terra Incognita) Guide to the Ark: ???
The Great Song (5 myh, North America is filled with giant coots, life in the clouds, and the songs of human descendants. One curious society has devoted itself to the study of this world)
BREAKING NEWS We interrupt your regular programming to bring you this cutting edge report. ATTENDANCE DROPS DRASTICALLY ON SE SERVER This past Monday on Discord, famous server Speculative Evolution took a hit in the attendance office when it's offline member list suddenly reappeared. Mods scrambled to rectify the situation, but unfortunately there was little anyone could do. Server member Ivan was asked what he thought of the situation. "So long as Flisch, lord of machines and scion of Urborg lives, all will be well". SE, (in)famous for it's eccentric userbase, has recently been spiraling downward, and now we have hard conformation of the decline. Moderator "High Lord" Icthyander states "There is nothing to be concerned about, Discord is merely changing its UI again", but members are beginning to suspect the honesty of their staff. Stay tuned, we'll be back with more at 11.
A cockroach can't beat a dinosaur, but it sure can beat an atom bomb.
Also known as:
Ivan
TerrificTyler20
Sep 12 2016, 07:30 AM
This pleases the hyper-intelligent hyrax legion. You are spared from our wrath.
Edit: Also, THANK YOU FOR INCLUDING ME IN THIS. I never thought I'd be mentioned in something like this, but I guess that's just the way life is.
Just you wait, my legion is everywhere. Possibly inside of you right now. Had a sandwich lately? Well you kinda got luck of the draw on that one. I was going for someone who had joined in June 2016 and was relatively active here, and you fit the bill.
GlarnBoudin
Sep 12 2016, 02:18 PM
I imagine Castle Spec as like a gargantuan cross between a botanical garden and a castle; stands of vegetation lining the halls with animals in these chunks of wild spaces.
Think of it like a combo of Minas Tirith cranked up to eleven, and the Tree of Life from Didny.
Quotes are a thing
I count myself as British when it suits me. -Ddraig Goch A magical beast that shits lightning in the name of the Warsaw Pact. -Kamineigh My friend was about to date this girl and then found out she was his second cousin. -Jasonguppy In its 4,600 year history, men from all eras, places and classes have been entering into the Library: from the ancient bearded sages of Sumeria and Chaldea, to the sober-minded Academics and Zoologists of the Victorian era, to the great warlord Cletus, an inbred hillbilly who just happened to be carrying his AR-15 around his County's Strip-Mall library. -Flashman63 Don't underestimate dials sexual advice, if you do get with her, it will be a lot easier than finding Japanese for blowjob. -Seascorpion I once dreamed I was trying to steal a flamingo. The flamingo was oddly calm about the whole situation. -Velociraptor It's just one species(Homo sapiens) on one little planet that I don't get along with... -Russwallac WITH OR WITHOUT NUTS? -Kamineigh Somewhere in heaven, a very groggy, very confused angel has just woken up and is trying to figure out why a boisterous Australian man is poking it with a stick. -Zihuatanejo Wait...you didn't urinate today did you? -Lamna Everybody knows people are 100% gay and anyone who claims not to be is in the closet. -Colddigger I regret everything I ever did and said. Ever. -KomradeWatcher Clearly, you have to start with the element that doesn't have any protons at all. -Kamineigh I will refer to her as Shelob, and hope she doesn't eat Fred. -Monster An Admantus has multiple forms, one of which is a derived hoatzin, or a floating cetacean. -OlympianMaster Soup is the spawn of Satan. -OlympianMaster Gosh you guys, 12 is the age for coke, not smokes. -Colddigger Why has Trex841 forsaken us? -Sheather I'll hit you in the armpit if you change your avatar. -Lamna And this is what the big one calls a 'camera'. Do smile politely, Alex. -Sheather's birb You are dunked in the vat of reverse-aging goo until you fit the criteria. -Holben the Popshroom is something of a counterpart to Nitwhite's endlessly ascending murderpigeons. -Sayornis And then a tree grew out of my desk. -Malicious Monkey All hail robo-Stalin. -Mr. Mysterio The greater risk involved in getting greater-cat droppings might also, in itself, make them more valued. -Sayornis Honestly Livyatan was worse than Parasky. -The Heretic Flisch.
Quote:
Old Guard have powers? -Dr. Nitwhite The same that crotchety old people do. Age. -Ivan_The_Inedible
You know extra limbs, the epitome of fashion. -Stealth Rock You'd totally screw people up if you somehow shortened or lengthened their arms. -Flisch
Quote:
Are you sure it's not just an eldritch wang? -Stealth_Rock 9 times out of 10, it usually is just an eldritch wang. -Mr. Mysterio
How many birthdays do you even HAVE?!
Well is it your UnBirthday! -Ivan_The_Inedible No... in a couple of months, however. -Dapper Man
Glarn, don't fuck the cave baboons. -Mr. Mysterio ANswer to every question thrown at you: crush a town with a burning meteor. -thatdudeun0 Oh, come on, I knew I should have gone with the pedophiles! -Trex841 You said fucking wot about Duecideye? -Dr. Nitwhite Therefore, hell and heaven must both be filled with camels. -Sphenodon What the fuck is an isopod doing in Hawaii? -Glarnboudin Fun fact: Whenever you learn something new, you are slowly approaching omniscience. -Flisch Specula existed as a top secret military project, that resulted in the creation of such beings as Lamna and Parasky, who were to be used in the war against Ba Sing Se. Eventually though, they ended up created Fakey, and they attempted to terminate it. Livyatan made the mistake of trying to save it, and he released the experiments from their containment, giving rise to the forum as we know it today. -Komrade Watcher We will not have fun here! We are talking about the scientific viability of adorable monsters that you keep in balls and use to fight other 10-year-olds' monsters for money and glory! THIS IS SEWIOUS -Glarnboudin I'd have mixed feelings about killing Parasky. -Hangingthief. They won that game, btw, as foretold by the ALL SEEING BIRD. -CanidaeSkull from tumblr Join with us, in the Illumi-Spec-y. -Ivan_The_Inedible I need him for totally legal things. Definitley not mass-cloning. -Ivan_The_Inedible Is normal a good word to describe any of us? -Dragon
Who will know?
Truly a god of abject pain and suffering.
ESPECIALLY after what Parasky did to him.
In case of Spec-destroying emergency, post in the enclosed thread.
The unburnt, unlucky in love, "oi you", and etcetera.
I guess I should drop this here as well.
Speculative Evolution Projects-
The Great Song (5 myh, North America is filled with giant coots, life in the clouds, and the songs of human descendants. One curious society has devoted itself to the study of this world)
BREAKING NEWS We interrupt your regular programming to bring you this cutting edge report. ATTENDANCE DROPS DRASTICALLY ON SE SERVER This past Monday on Discord, famous server Speculative Evolution took a hit in the attendance office when it's offline member list suddenly reappeared. Mods scrambled to rectify the situation, but unfortunately there was little anyone could do. Server member Ivan was asked what he thought of the situation. "So long as Flisch, lord of machines and scion of Urborg lives, all will be well". SE, (in)famous for it's eccentric userbase, has recently been spiraling downward, and now we have hard conformation of the decline. Moderator "High Lord" Icthyander states "There is nothing to be concerned about, Discord is merely changing its UI again", but members are beginning to suspect the honesty of their staff. Stay tuned, we'll be back with more at 11.
A cockroach can't beat a dinosaur, but it sure can beat an atom bomb.
Also known as:
Ivan
Y'all best not be thinkin' I just up and left y'all. That'd be dumber than a rattlesnake in a jackalope barrel on a hot summer's day. As Parasky said this, everyone at the table quickly began hushed murmuring conversations. Since when did Livyatan visit Spec? Why had he come now? What's this all mean? Did I leave the stove on? The newer members, however, knew nothing of this name beyond the reverence even High Admin Parasky held for it. They instead occupied themselves with trying to decipher some of the odd references to other people, places, and events, and were baffled in how much was being whispered so fast. Eventually, a blond, well-dressed gentleman stood up and finally broke the "silence". "So, are you going to tell us about this vision of your's? At least tell us what this is all about besides the obvious."
"OK Lamna, I'll spill the beans. So sit down." Queue the Moderator sitting down with a single "Thank you." "So, as you all now know, we've been having issues across the forum; projects seem to be corrupting into eldritch abominations, more newbies end up leaving, and I needn't remind anyone of what we just left. Well, when I was being transported to the battle by you guys, the light that took me gave me a vision: a great power is moving across the Multiverse, and it's coming to Spec itself. I saw a group of ten members going off to stop it at its source. You guys probably know which are guaranteed to go." Saying this, Parasky and the rest of the Staff turned their heads over to Sayornis and her group, harkening back to the drawings on the floor: the toast, the pelican, the rabbit-thing, and the glowing dinosaur. "Now, I want everyone here to realize something: not all of you who go will make it back in the same state you leave in, and some of you may not even make it back whatsoever. Kapeesh?"
Raising a paw, citrakayah asked the question on everyone's mind. "So who are the other six going to be? We already know about Ivan, Nitwhite, Tyler, and Coelophysoidea." Quickly assessing the group, Parasky instead turned around and began heading to a controll panel near the north wall. After tapping on several buttons and plates, a holographic monitor was brought up, showing a rapidly expanding list of user names. Pulling a switch, the list quickly shortened down once again to a couple dozen individuals.
Member List
1. Dragonthunders 2. Sayornis 3. trex814 4. dialforthedevil 5. Space Gorilla 6. Mr. Hands 7. Kamineigh 8. Russwallac 9. LittleIslander 10. nanotyrannus 11. Niedfaru 12. The Xenologist ...
"These are among the best candidates for going on the trip, though not many of them will be able to do it. So, any takers that are actually here?"
LittleIslander and Sayornis quickly shot up a limb, and Holben quickly jotted it down. Sheather quickly assessed the list and commented about the members not present. "We'll have to contact all the others, though I don't feel like giving Kamineigh a choice here." Another check by Parasky, and soon several Staff were occupied with contacting various members off the list. Soon The Xenologist was added, as well as Niedfaru. One spot was left, and the remaining members sat there wondering, just what would this journey entail? A final member was chosen soon enough, with Resident Anurognathid being sent as well as an amulet from Dragonthunders.
Holben quickly set up the necessary transports, and soon all of the ten members were brought to the table. Before addressing the whole group, Parasky quickly asked Sayornis a question. "So do you have a clue how Ivan teleports, or are we both in the dark on that one?" Empyreon quickly answered that question with another question. "So Parasky, does the fact that Ivan is still the newest member have anything to do with it?" "What?" "Take a look for yourself." Looking to the stat chart, Parasky saw the answer: every time Ivan teleported, he was literally performing a small self-ban and rejoining in a separate location. Any time someone else joined, the moment Ivan teleported he took their place as the latest newbie. After uttering a quick WTF, Parasky quickly looked to the bread monster teleporting to the table, sitting in line with the other nine.
Preparing himself after that last little mind-screw, Parasky prepared to address the fellowship being created.
I count myself as British when it suits me. -Ddraig Goch A magical beast that shits lightning in the name of the Warsaw Pact. -Kamineigh My friend was about to date this girl and then found out she was his second cousin. -Jasonguppy In its 4,600 year history, men from all eras, places and classes have been entering into the Library: from the ancient bearded sages of Sumeria and Chaldea, to the sober-minded Academics and Zoologists of the Victorian era, to the great warlord Cletus, an inbred hillbilly who just happened to be carrying his AR-15 around his County's Strip-Mall library. -Flashman63 Don't underestimate dials sexual advice, if you do get with her, it will be a lot easier than finding Japanese for blowjob. -Seascorpion I once dreamed I was trying to steal a flamingo. The flamingo was oddly calm about the whole situation. -Velociraptor It's just one species(Homo sapiens) on one little planet that I don't get along with... -Russwallac WITH OR WITHOUT NUTS? -Kamineigh Somewhere in heaven, a very groggy, very confused angel has just woken up and is trying to figure out why a boisterous Australian man is poking it with a stick. -Zihuatanejo Wait...you didn't urinate today did you? -Lamna Everybody knows people are 100% gay and anyone who claims not to be is in the closet. -Colddigger I regret everything I ever did and said. Ever. -KomradeWatcher Clearly, you have to start with the element that doesn't have any protons at all. -Kamineigh I will refer to her as Shelob, and hope she doesn't eat Fred. -Monster An Admantus has multiple forms, one of which is a derived hoatzin, or a floating cetacean. -OlympianMaster Soup is the spawn of Satan. -OlympianMaster Gosh you guys, 12 is the age for coke, not smokes. -Colddigger Why has Trex841 forsaken us? -Sheather I'll hit you in the armpit if you change your avatar. -Lamna And this is what the big one calls a 'camera'. Do smile politely, Alex. -Sheather's birb You are dunked in the vat of reverse-aging goo until you fit the criteria. -Holben the Popshroom is something of a counterpart to Nitwhite's endlessly ascending murderpigeons. -Sayornis And then a tree grew out of my desk. -Malicious Monkey All hail robo-Stalin. -Mr. Mysterio The greater risk involved in getting greater-cat droppings might also, in itself, make them more valued. -Sayornis Honestly Livyatan was worse than Parasky. -The Heretic Flisch.
Quote:
Old Guard have powers? -Dr. Nitwhite The same that crotchety old people do. Age. -Ivan_The_Inedible
You know extra limbs, the epitome of fashion. -Stealth Rock You'd totally screw people up if you somehow shortened or lengthened their arms. -Flisch
Quote:
Are you sure it's not just an eldritch wang? -Stealth_Rock 9 times out of 10, it usually is just an eldritch wang. -Mr. Mysterio
How many birthdays do you even HAVE?!
Well is it your UnBirthday! -Ivan_The_Inedible No... in a couple of months, however. -Dapper Man
Glarn, don't fuck the cave baboons. -Mr. Mysterio ANswer to every question thrown at you: crush a town with a burning meteor. -thatdudeun0 Oh, come on, I knew I should have gone with the pedophiles! -Trex841 You said fucking wot about Duecideye? -Dr. Nitwhite Therefore, hell and heaven must both be filled with camels. -Sphenodon What the fuck is an isopod doing in Hawaii? -Glarnboudin Fun fact: Whenever you learn something new, you are slowly approaching omniscience. -Flisch Specula existed as a top secret military project, that resulted in the creation of such beings as Lamna and Parasky, who were to be used in the war against Ba Sing Se. Eventually though, they ended up created Fakey, and they attempted to terminate it. Livyatan made the mistake of trying to save it, and he released the experiments from their containment, giving rise to the forum as we know it today. -Komrade Watcher We will not have fun here! We are talking about the scientific viability of adorable monsters that you keep in balls and use to fight other 10-year-olds' monsters for money and glory! THIS IS SEWIOUS -Glarnboudin I'd have mixed feelings about killing Parasky. -Hangingthief. They won that game, btw, as foretold by the ALL SEEING BIRD. -CanidaeSkull from tumblr Join with us, in the Illumi-Spec-y. -Ivan_The_Inedible I need him for totally legal things. Definitley not mass-cloning. -Ivan_The_Inedible Is normal a good word to describe any of us? -Dragon
Who will know?
Truly a god of abject pain and suffering.
ESPECIALLY after what Parasky did to him.
In case of Spec-destroying emergency, post in the enclosed thread.
"I'm so antigay my lips are adapted to repel penis"~ Octo
"Sin is not real. It is a manmade concept to make us feel bad about things that are natural"- MrRepzion
"im not turned on by birds goddamnity"- Sheather
"But you could just row there, live in the wilderness and have sex with kakapos every day"- Hangin
"you leave the dolphins in the fridge for too long and they develop a culture"- Flisch
"DON'T GET ME WRONG, SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS ARE HUMANS; BUT IF THEY'RE SO MUCH BETTER THAN US THEN WHY DO THEY NEED SKIN AMIRITE?"- Ivan
"Mike Wazowski: he Only has one eye he is incapable of winking because that requires a second and blinking is both eyes, Mike bwinks."- Malik Obama
"Kids love frog titties"- Lamna
"Other moral of this sad story: never forget how completely the tiny microorganisms living in your nose can betray you for no apparent reason. Trust no one"- Monster
"Sometimes in the name of science, you have to give cocain to a fish"- Ben Taub
"For the love of Darwin's fluffy beard, not the zebras again."- Beetleboy
"Fun fact: Whenever you learn something new, you are slowly approaching omniscience"- Flisch
"therefore, hell and heaven must both be filled with camels"- sphenodon
"this is not a good documentary as i have learned 0 things about ditch fish"- Sheather
"I clicked on it, and it was beyond me. Furry robot dicks. Furry robot dicks as far as the eye can see"-Kam
"You don't need the dark to be spooky"- Johnfaa
"I now have an image of a Viking on the back of an unhappy manatee, slowly floating towards Northumberland"- monster
You should slowly melt her icy heart with your boyish charms, then start going out with her in junior year of high school and eventually get married. Then, after twenty years in a happy marriage demand a divorce. She'll sit there, crying and asking you why you're leaving her, what has she done wrong. Then gently take her into your arms, as if to comfort her, and whisper in her ear "that's for making fun of my crocs."- Parasky
"And he is afraid to be raped by Dutch people, Which is racist"- Olympian
"What even happened? I never thought I'd be whistfully looking back on your trying to rape Ivan"-icthyander
A cockroach can't beat a dinosaur, but it sure can beat an atom bomb.
Also known as:
Ivan
And you thought I was gone! Just remember Tet, you and the Staff may not all be going on the Quest, but you guys will be involved in something just as important. "OK, so, you all already know what you're here for, and I know you guys aren't that stupid, so I'm not going to repeat." "What you do need to know, is that this journey likely will be the death of a few of you -because quests are like that-, and it's gonna take a long time to even get of this place without Zeta intervention. Sadly we don't have that, thanks to some sort of financial issue, so we're stuck with you guys going to the only viable outlet for a group of your size: the central Interweb-Bridge built on Deus Plani. Still on the planet, but you're gonna have to make the journey to there -and yes, it's a really long damn time. Don't worry, at worst a death outside here will just lead to a ban from that site -so don't piss off any admins or screw with any TOS." Right as Kamineigh was about to ask the obvious, Parasky quickly replied, "No, we can't use ASB, since we used up the last big stockpile to jump us to the shores. Yes, I know this gives you the feeling of a bad excuse, but I can confirm it's probably a deus-exit machina on some idiot's part. The remaining Staff will be here to help you on the way in any way we can, but it won't be every single minute of the day, and it won't be much qualitatively. Think of like the sprites from the Zelda games." "Also, as a little side thing, since Halloween isn't too far off, would any of you like to change names? You can just change your avatars in a heartbeat already. Just pick a name and go with it." Several avatar and name changes later, Ivan had become a carved pumpkin bread named Moldy_Pumpkin_Bread, Nitwhite was reduced to nothing but a skeleton, Tyler became an All Todays hyrax named TerrifyingTyler, LittleIslander to a Clerk named LittleLibrarian, Niedfaru changed to become a trick-or-treating capuchin, Resident Anorugnathid back to simply Adman, and Kamineigh to Skeleneigh along with a change to a sort of skeletal golem. With that done, LittleLibrarian asked a question most hadn't thought about. "First, how exactly are we going to find this thing, and second, how the hell are we going to defeat it?" Many whispers surged through the crowd, chiefest among them (besides questions of unattended stoves) being about Parasky's response.
"I'm pretty sure that's what Dragonthunders' amulet is for. I haven't seen it in action myself, but from what I've heard opening that thing is the Internet equivalent of an atomic bomb to the face, regardless of the powers you hold. Ever hear of macgohbain? Pretty big oldtimer, but he kissed himself goodbye when that thing opened on him. I think it was after some political debates, but that's for the archives. So that's exactly how you're going to deal with the issue: blow it up, Micheal Bay-style. As for getting there, we'll provide you with a map of sorts to guide you in the correct general direction. Pretty Holben made the thing through some sort of calculations about flux capacitors and meta-locations, and it will help you reach the issue's source. From what I can see on the map the best sign you're close is when it starts having a 'Shrek-seizure', since there's a faint green face towards the direction of Deus Plani." "Great. We'll be going crazy from the layering of this journey by the end of it." The group looked to Skeleneigh, who was already standing by the door, ready to go. Before anyone else could start heading towards Skeleneigh, Parasky reminded them of an important issue. "Well, before you go, we sure as hell aren't going to let you go without any sort of protection for yourselves. So we're going to have to head to the armory first."
After a quick walk -and even more quips from Skeleneigh-, the group had arrived at the Staff Armory, holding Spec's most powerful weapons aside from a Staff Weapon. Looking inside, Parasky quickly rummaged through, tossing out a pile of things that all seemed to either be a pile of near-literal crap or the deadliest weaponry ever conceived. The Staff who would stay quickly began to hand weaponry and armor to the group, and eventually everyone was outfitted with at least one item of use. Sayornis was fitted with A Hammer-Space-Module fitted to the Library, from which she could access some of the more horrifying creatures within. Skeleneigh was granted access to his Snark-Gun™ once again, after having it revoked several months prior. Adman was given safe-guard of the amulet, as well as small Oxy-Gones that could dissintegrate organic matter in seconds. M_P_B received a Negative-Spec-Cannon, which could tap into the energies of beings between worlds, as well as a device which would bring forth bread monsters from the Cornucopia fields. Tyler was given a Bubble Gun, which could fire bubbles with varying properties, like immediate madness, and extreme time dilation. LittleLibrarian was annointed with their Staff Weapon: Shifuto taihō, with the power to send anything back at its owner, and to turn things into a harmless chibi. Niedfaru was given access to Parasky's old walking stick, that contained ancient powers from the ye olden days of Spec. Xenologist got a Hollow-Torus-Capacitor, which had massive potential to create and destroy. Coelophysoidea was handed a simple device, one that would channel the power from Spec's core, one of the more potent sources for Speculative powers. And lastly, Nitwhite was handed various implements for a variety of needs, thus making him the team closet -he was also handed a small Meme Generator, but that's besides the point. After a speedy shopping montage for decent armor, the group finally was about to be off.
At the main entrance, right as Sayornis was to take off as the caravan leader, they heard Canis Lupus calling for them. "What are you doing?!" The answer came back from Skeleneigh. "Heading to defeat the evil after picking up a jar of pickles!" "Like hell you guys are walking all the way there! Sheather's letting you borrow some swiftlets!" Neidfaru quickly noted the convenience with a quip that even Skeleneigh could appreciate. "So we're just taking the eagles." Five minutes or so later, and the Fellowship was off, riding upon the Spec-eagles, to defeat this evil that threatened their world.
Quotes are a thing
I count myself as British when it suits me. -Ddraig Goch A magical beast that shits lightning in the name of the Warsaw Pact. -Kamineigh My friend was about to date this girl and then found out she was his second cousin. -Jasonguppy In its 4,600 year history, men from all eras, places and classes have been entering into the Library: from the ancient bearded sages of Sumeria and Chaldea, to the sober-minded Academics and Zoologists of the Victorian era, to the great warlord Cletus, an inbred hillbilly who just happened to be carrying his AR-15 around his County's Strip-Mall library. -Flashman63 Don't underestimate dials sexual advice, if you do get with her, it will be a lot easier than finding Japanese for blowjob. -Seascorpion I once dreamed I was trying to steal a flamingo. The flamingo was oddly calm about the whole situation. -Velociraptor It's just one species(Homo sapiens) on one little planet that I don't get along with... -Russwallac WITH OR WITHOUT NUTS? -Kamineigh Somewhere in heaven, a very groggy, very confused angel has just woken up and is trying to figure out why a boisterous Australian man is poking it with a stick. -Zihuatanejo Wait...you didn't urinate today did you? -Lamna Everybody knows people are 100% gay and anyone who claims not to be is in the closet. -Colddigger I regret everything I ever did and said. Ever. -KomradeWatcher Clearly, you have to start with the element that doesn't have any protons at all. -Kamineigh I will refer to her as Shelob, and hope she doesn't eat Fred. -Monster An Admantus has multiple forms, one of which is a derived hoatzin, or a floating cetacean. -OlympianMaster Soup is the spawn of Satan. -OlympianMaster Gosh you guys, 12 is the age for coke, not smokes. -Colddigger Why has Trex841 forsaken us? -Sheather I'll hit you in the armpit if you change your avatar. -Lamna And this is what the big one calls a 'camera'. Do smile politely, Alex. -Sheather's birb You are dunked in the vat of reverse-aging goo until you fit the criteria. -Holben the Popshroom is something of a counterpart to Nitwhite's endlessly ascending murderpigeons. -Sayornis And then a tree grew out of my desk. -Malicious Monkey All hail robo-Stalin. -Mr. Mysterio The greater risk involved in getting greater-cat droppings might also, in itself, make them more valued. -Sayornis Honestly Livyatan was worse than Parasky. -The Heretic Flisch.
Quote:
Old Guard have powers? -Dr. Nitwhite The same that crotchety old people do. Age. -Ivan_The_Inedible
You know extra limbs, the epitome of fashion. -Stealth Rock You'd totally screw people up if you somehow shortened or lengthened their arms. -Flisch
Quote:
Are you sure it's not just an eldritch wang? -Stealth_Rock 9 times out of 10, it usually is just an eldritch wang. -Mr. Mysterio
How many birthdays do you even HAVE?!
Well is it your UnBirthday! -Ivan_The_Inedible No... in a couple of months, however. -Dapper Man
Glarn, don't fuck the cave baboons. -Mr. Mysterio ANswer to every question thrown at you: crush a town with a burning meteor. -thatdudeun0 Oh, come on, I knew I should have gone with the pedophiles! -Trex841 You said fucking wot about Duecideye? -Dr. Nitwhite Therefore, hell and heaven must both be filled with camels. -Sphenodon What the fuck is an isopod doing in Hawaii? -Glarnboudin Fun fact: Whenever you learn something new, you are slowly approaching omniscience. -Flisch Specula existed as a top secret military project, that resulted in the creation of such beings as Lamna and Parasky, who were to be used in the war against Ba Sing Se. Eventually though, they ended up created Fakey, and they attempted to terminate it. Livyatan made the mistake of trying to save it, and he released the experiments from their containment, giving rise to the forum as we know it today. -Komrade Watcher We will not have fun here! We are talking about the scientific viability of adorable monsters that you keep in balls and use to fight other 10-year-olds' monsters for money and glory! THIS IS SEWIOUS -Glarnboudin I'd have mixed feelings about killing Parasky. -Hangingthief. They won that game, btw, as foretold by the ALL SEEING BIRD. -CanidaeSkull from tumblr Join with us, in the Illumi-Spec-y. -Ivan_The_Inedible I need him for totally legal things. Definitley not mass-cloning. -Ivan_The_Inedible Is normal a good word to describe any of us? -Dragon
Who will know?
Truly a god of abject pain and suffering.
ESPECIALLY after what Parasky did to him.
In case of Spec-destroying emergency, post in the enclosed thread.