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| Shards; the beginnings of an interesting concept | |
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| Topic Started: May 25 2012, 09:57 PM (398 Views) | |
| Dragon | May 25 2012, 09:57 PM Post #1 |
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/r/GamingCirclejerk is the best subreddit, don't @ me
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This is the first part of a story I cooked up a while ago. I've gotten a good start but I'm not sure how to continue it. Thick squalls of snow moved across the plain, blocking anything from sight. A loud grunt, rather like a camels grunt, penetrated the lout wind. The crunch of feet through ice could be heard, softly at first, but getting much, much louder. Then came the sounds of the trots of hundreds of horses. The icy wind bit hard on the brow of chief's face, the howls of the wind barely masking the war chants of his tribe. They were armed with the best weaponry they could make; spears, arrows, and axes, all tipped with the flamerock from inside the earth. Since they found the flamerocks, hunting had gotten easier. The sharpteeths weren't as much of a problem, and taking on the furred behemoths was as easy as throwing a rock. The only drawback was that the flamerocks were introduced... by them. They had enslaved the Kharashakitt, cut them open with sharp, thin pieces of flamerock; they forced the men to work in underground tunnels, and treated the women and children as vermin- no. they treated all of the Kharashakitt like vermin. But now was the time to strike back. All across the known land, the various peoples that inhabited the lands were in an uprising, coordinated by the stolen magical devices that the invaders used to contact each other from a great distance. This would be a turning point in their history, he could feel it. Ancient rivals had put aside their differences to fight the invaders; even they and the light skinned, nut eyed Avrooks, who had nothing but bad blood with chiefs tribe. The stage was set for the battle. The armies of the three largest tribes in the area, the Avrooks, the Kharashakitts, and the Haadixu. Unorganized masses of warriors from all three tribes made up the force, armed with everything from spears to axes to torches, and even a few of the explosive shard flingers brought around by the invaders. Scattered rather haphazardly among them were the largest of the behemoths; they possessed a body like the smaller behemoths, but had a much longer neck, comparatively thinner legs, and a head like that of a horse. On the backs of these behemoths were howdahs, crawling with warriors using the bow and arrow . On one behemoth, there were next to no people; in their place was a big spear flinger, and the attendants that fired the weapon. The behemoth riders were primarily the Haaxidu, for they had mastered the beast centuries ago. Because of this, they had their own supply of meat, and rarely needed to go hunting; thus, they never got caught up in the feuds between the Avrooks and Kharashakitts. Walking at a slow trot in approximately the middle of the force were the cavalry of the Kharashakitts; chief was on his brown and black warhorse in the middle of these warriors. They were each armed with spear and axe. Some had their spears out, ready to charge down any warriors on foot. Others had their axes armed. Towards the back were the masses of Avrook archers and rock slingers, ready to rain down a swarm of arrows and rocks at the drop of a hat. Each warrior was dressed in the appropriate apparel for the icy cold winter. They each had the skins of the many wooly animals that wandered the world. The Haaxidu were dressed in the hides of various behemoths, and the Avrooks and Kharashakitts were dressed in the assorted hides of different animals. In total, the army likely massed around five thousand warriors. They're outnumbered, chief thought. It's a simple matter of who has the better weaponry. The sun shone down upon the snow, reflecting through the ice. Despite this, it seemed no warmer; in fact, in a tremendous irony, it seemed that the suns rays only made the day cooler. The army was positioned at the foot of a mountain range that rose from a flat plain littered with pine trees. There were many caves at the foot of the mountains, large icicles hanging from their mouths like the tremendous fangs of a sharptooth. Smaller rocks littered the plain, many large enough to connect to a series of caves. Directly in front of the army was the fortress set up by the invaders years before. It was completely impenetrable... until now. The plan to storm the camp was concocted by the shamans of the Haaxidu tribe; they were to get the ballistas and giant rock flingers to breach a hole in the flamerock wall of the camp. From there, they would storm the camp with sheer numbers, and slaughter the inhabitants. It would be just like any other battle, except... except it was to be a massacre. So what do you think of this? Edited by Dragon, May 25 2012, 09:58 PM.
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"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life," John 3:16 A neat pixel animation of a future cowboy
I think this describes what dinosaurs are like now Click for something good. Click this too. | |
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| seascorpion | Jun 2 2012, 02:11 AM Post #2 |
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Why Can't I Hold All These Mongols?
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I like it, though I think it would be easier If you didn't plunge straight into this scene. You've got to develop the basic feel and understanding of the world and then bring in more and more details from outside. Personally, would you mind posting an explanation of the world? From what I can tell it takes place in a pseudo-fantasy world where megafauna and ice-shelves are going strong, and a rebellion by subjugated people's against a larger empire, with obsidian weapons. Correct? |
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| Dragon | Jun 7 2012, 08:42 PM Post #3 |
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/r/GamingCirclejerk is the best subreddit, don't @ me
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Yes, all of that would be correct. This is sort of an ice-age situation on a pseudo-fantasy world, and the various ethnic groups would be utterly unrecognizable to us. The main story here is that large empire (for the time; The total area of the empire would be comparable to the anatolian peninsula or mesopotamia) expanded into the area and occupied it, and conquered the three tribes mentioned here. The scene here is the fruits of efforts to rebel against the oppressors. Once I'm done with exams (which start for me next week), I'm going to add more to the beginning to actually explain what the world is like, and show just how well the battle goes.
Edited by Dragon, Jun 7 2012, 08:43 PM.
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"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life," John 3:16 A neat pixel animation of a future cowboy
I think this describes what dinosaurs are like now Click for something good. Click this too. | |
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| seascorpion | Jun 8 2012, 06:47 AM Post #4 |
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Why Can't I Hold All These Mongols?
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Sounds good. One tip I have is that, when world building (especially societies), compare how some of the worlds most unique cultures developed in comparison to how much of the western world developed. Pashtuns, Maoris, Australian Aboriginals and Sentinelese are some basic starting points, there are a whole lot of very unique human societies that have existed. It's likely that a culture similar to the ones you have imagined may exist, and it would be wise to research and draw inspiration from real world events. I mean look at Game of Thrones, much of the events are inspired by things like the War of the Roses, the Black dinner and the An Lushan rebellion without being blatant rip offs of them. Edited by seascorpion, Jun 8 2012, 06:48 AM.
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| bloom_boi | Jun 22 2012, 03:28 PM Post #5 |
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What The?
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Is a continuation a possibility? I am interested in where this is going
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"You shall perish, whatever you do! If you are taken with arms in your hands, death! If you beg for mercy, death! Whichever way you turn, right, left, back, forward, up, down, death! You are not merely outside the law, you are outside humanity. Neither age nor sex shall save you and yours. You shall die, but first you shall taste the agony of your wife, your sister, your sons and daughters, even those in the cradle! Before your eyes the wounded man shall be taken out of the ambulance and hacked with bayonets or knocked down with the butt end of a rifle. He shall be dragged living by his broken leg or bleeding arm and flung like a suffering, groaning bundle of refuse into the gutter. Death! Death! Death!" | |
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| Dragon | Jun 23 2012, 07:36 PM Post #6 |
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/r/GamingCirclejerk is the best subreddit, don't @ me
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Yes, a continuation on this is actually quite likely. |
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"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life," John 3:16 A neat pixel animation of a future cowboy
I think this describes what dinosaurs are like now Click for something good. Click this too. | |
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9:27 AM Jul 11