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Movies; The never ending thread :)
Topic Started: Dec 22 2009, 04:03 PM (6,576 Views)
tgir
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Also: Just saw Red, which was really funny for it's kind of movie. Not art, definitely predictable but nice, light weight fare. Good to see 'old' people kick some ass. I predict RED (retired, extremely dangerous) t-shirts. In fact, I want one myself. Even if I can't retire for 12 1/3 more years.
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Read Winter's Bone before I knew they were making it a film. I have conflicting feelings about the book.
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It's hard to explain. Partly, I am just tired of men writing books with women as the heroine, when, really, I think it is time for them to write about the emotional lives of men instead of girls and women. I am especially tired of reading stories written by men about women beaten and raped. Women as victims who triumph over the evil and neglect of men. Maybe it would be good if they'd just write about why men feel so entitled to beat and rape and neglect and leave women saddled with such misery.

I was reading this at about the same time I started reading The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo books and something similar struck me, as it had before with other books: men writing good, compelling, interesting stories about very young women who must show extreme strength under horrendous circumstances. Much of it, they get right, but part of it goes badly wrong. In the Tattoo books, Lizbeth, who shows little interest in how she looks, in whether she's conventionally attractive to men or women, and was brutally raped, goes out and gets herself a boob job with money she 'acquired.' This is--not just off, but off in a particular way that tells me this is more about what the author wants in his strong female character--things that are pretty convenient for a man: she has impaired social skills and is emotionally distant so she's not the kind of woman who will want to cuddle after sex, which by the way, she initiates with no romancing or effort on the part of the man, she also is into chicks, she has mad computer skills and is very self reliant, and given a chance: she goes for bigger boobs. What man wouldn't adore her? Plus: she is raped very brutally and prior to that, she's victimized by more than one men, who are all creepy, but still: he gets to write scenes of strong, determined girl/woman who nonetheless, is held against her will and sexually exploited (remember when she was institutionalized at 12? That, in addition to the rape by her 'guardian.')

Ree is also brutalized--savagely beaten but by women instead of men. And of course, she's attracted to her best friend. What guy isn't into lesbians these days? Woodell's book is much more authentic, yes. It's a much, much better book. And I do get that he wants to show the absolute vulnerability of his main character who is faced with overwhelming odds against her: a sick mother, two little brothers, a father on the run from the law, and horrendously brutal poverty. But why can't he write about what made the men make the choices they did? How it must have felt for Jessup to see his beautiful wife fall apart and become catatonic? How poverty grinds at a MAN's soul? Why isn't it the man who is brutally beaten?

That said: what he does get right is the beauty and the poetry of the woods and how poverty does not steal that from the people in the Ozarks but rather makes every small bit of beauty that much more precious. I went back and found a review of the book on the Washington Post site and they did not understand how the boys could enjoy the British shows they saw on television, given how poverty stricken their own lives were. But these people are largely descended from the British and the oral traditions, traditional stories and poetry and music are mostly British. It makes sense that they would enjoy those programs and even identify to a certain extent. Although some city folk seem to think only rich city people can enjoy PBS.

The scene where Ree and her friend are in the store, and her friend, who has bit more money,wants to get the 'sprinkle cheese'--the crappy stuff that's ground into powder and sold by Kraft and tastes like cardboard--and Ree won't get it because she can't afford to let her brothers get used to luxuries they will not likely be able to have again. She can't afford to let them soften even a tiny bit. I've been there myself. It was only myself, but I understood why Ree would find such luxury dangerous.

The squirrel hunting scene? OK: we were not nearly, nearly, nearly that poor growing up--nothing close to it, but my dad and uncle and grandfather used to hunt rabbits, squirrels and occasionally deer (which were less abundant when I was a kid and more expensive to hunt). Later it was pheasants and quail--rich people food, but who knew?--but for me, not nearly as tasty as squirrel or rabbit. I went with one time (at age 9 or so) and declined to hunt afterwards, but I grew up helping my dad clean small game and had for a couple of years, at least by the time I went out with my dad, hunting. I did fish and helped clean fish as well, not just the ones I caught but simply splitting the work between us. My dad and me, not my mom or sisters who had weak stomachs and couldn't/wouldn't do such messy work. I cleaned a lot of food for our table.

The point I'm making is that hunting squirrels for food might be shocking to city folk or younger people today, but I know that for many people living in rural areas, this is not surprising or shocking. It's common place and not just out of dire necessity. Her brothers would have likely been on their way to hunting squirrels at their age and certainly would have helped clean them. They would have also been conversant in trapping rabbits, I would expect. Simply as a matter of course. It felt a little false--I could have seen her making her brothers go out and hunt, at least the older one and making the younger one help clean the game. But the older one, Sonny, would be somewhat experienced already at age 10.

These are quibbles, yes.

I'd also like to see women authors get more recognition and publication. And face it: if a woman had written Winter's Bone, it would be heralded as a feminist treatise and send to the bargain bin and obscurity, bypassing the film options altogether. Maybe Lifetime would pick it up. After all, what happened to Bastard Out of Carolina? Even directed by Angelica Houston, with a wonderful cast, it went straight to obscurity. Written by a man: Oscar time. And much more exploitative.

Ok: enough feminazi ranting for one night.
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tgir
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A few female authors I adore who (off the top of my head)

Margaret Atwood
Doris Lessing
Amy Tan
Anne Tyler
Tana French
Jane Smiley
Jane Hamilton

sci fi:
Julian May
Ursula K Le Guin
Sheri S. Tepper


Most of these authors would not be accused of having too much 'romance' in their novels.
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Note: Amy Tan often writes, in part, of a daughter's relationship with her mother (among other relationships) from the view point of a first generation American woman. Her writings focus mostly on female characters and their relationships with each other, and especially mother-daughter relationships. I find I really love her writings, but didn't enjoy her last book as much as others I have read. One I found to be extremely good was The Bonesetter's Daughter. I also have always loved Tan's use of language and her exploration of Chinese language and the barriers and connections that the differences between English and Chinese cause between American born daughters and Chinese mothers. I find I learn a lot about a particular aspect of pre-Revolutionary Chinese culture and the complexities and subtleties of the language. Which all made sense when I learned that Tan is a linguist first, and came to become a novelist later in life.

Thought I would mention the mother-daughter thing (written primarily from the daughter's point of view) because I know how you feel about your mother. I also had a difficult relationship with my mother and I won't lie: my daughter and I have had our moments and probably will again.
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I am behind in my Atwood reading list, so I haven't made it to Payback or The Year of the Flood. I remember listening to an interview with Atwood when Payback was published; it was a presciently written and published book, coming out in late 2008, but of course written earlier. It's not a novel so in that it differs from many of her previous and better known works which are mostly novels and poetry. I believe "The Year of the Flood" is a companion piece to "Oryx and Crake" (which I did not enjoy as much as many of her other novels). Need to go back and re-visit that one so I can move on to "The Year of the Flood."

I also love 'The Penelopiad:' A New Look At Homer's Tale, which is wonderful--and very short. I used to teach The Iliad to 4th graders as part of an enrichment program, so this was particularly interesting to me. I also loved The Robber Bride very much, as did my daughter.

Other favorites from Atwood are The Handmaiden's Tale (I remember what a stir it caused when it was first published) and The Blind Assassin. I find each of her books very different from the others.
Edited by tgir, Dec 7 2010, 09:02 PM.
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Tana French is (mostly) Irish and has written 3 mystery novels. Mystery novel is not usually my genre, but I enjoyed the two that I have read of hers: Into The Woods and The Likeness. I haven't had a chance to read Faithful Place yet. Books are somewhat related---the second focuses on a character introduced in the first; the third seems to focus on a different character from the previous ones. One common theme is being forced by circumstances to revisit traumatic events from your childhood. They are not cheerful books but are enjoyable to read.

I also like Kingsolver. I'll have to lookingot the Bujold books. I haven't picked up any new sci fi must reads in a while. I started on the Jim Butcher books but sort of turned that obsession over to my son.....
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Oh, if I'm in a certain kind of mood, I could watch a movie like The Expendables. I used to loathe Willis, but have developed an appreciation for him in my old age.

I want to go see Burlesque for Cher, to be honest.
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I really liked Red. It's not anything more than what you might think from the trailers but it doesn't pretend to be. If you go in with the right attitude, you might enjoy it. If you expect too much, it won't deliver. I really, really liked the cast.
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I am sure I will see True Grit when it comes to my area. Or at least I hope I am.

I remember seeing the original (and liking it for the most part) and even reading the book. To be honest, I didn't like the book very much. Perhaps I was the wrong age, but I found the dialogue to be very wooden. I was young, sure, but I also soaked up Jane Eyre, Shakespeare, Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer to name a few, so I don't think it was that it was a period piece or because of the dialogue. Of course that's been...oh my: 40 years now? Every bit of that.

Did enjoy the movie. Glen Campbell wasn't much of an actor but I remember that the theme was a big hit on the charts. A lot of movie themes were back then: Everybody's Talking at Me; Mrs. Robinson, Impossible Dream, even (from Broadway). Different times
Edited by tgir, Dec 21 2010, 12:29 AM.
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My daughter also loved Black Swan. She especially liked Portman (and she's not a Natalie Portman fan) and Kunis. I haven't seen anything new since the last Harry Potter. We went as a group thing (hubby, me and all 4 adult kids).
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Fifth Element is really good and Willis is great in it.

Carey was good in Mask and maybe something else. I just am not that big a fan of adolescent, over the top 'humor.'

Really want to see Toy Story 3 but haven't --yet.
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I just saw the new True Grit tonight. It was a good film, more faithful adaptation of the novel than the original. That is the change you are talking about, Cheryl. In the book, Mattie loses her arm, and doesn't see either LaBoef or Rooster again, but she does bring Rooster's body back to be buried in her family plot.

I think that Jeff Bridges disappeared into his character, and Damon into his, far more successfully than either Wayne or Campbell (who wasn't much of an actor). The Coen brothers' adaptation is far grittier, and seems more realistic rather than the romanticized version from 1969 with Wayne, etc.

The girl who plays Mattie Hailee Steinfeld, is excellent: spot on as Mattie. Far superior to Kim Darby's portrayal. When the movie came out, I was about 13 and Kim Darby seemed far too old for the role but there were very few 'serious' roles given to younger actors in those days. If she does as well in future roles, she'll have a bright future.
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Cheryl, back in the day, I was upset over the death, too.
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Just saw The Kids are All Right which was really good. Hubby pointed out that he felt a bit deceived: it wasn't so much a laugh out loud kind of funny as the previews made it seem. However, it was a realistic, sad/funny/wry/hopeful movie about a family and a marriage. Excellent casting and performances all around.

Quick edit to add: there's a decent amount of sex in it so be forewarned if that will bother you. Also hubby noted that at our only local video rental place, you have to be 18 to rent The Kids are All Right but not to rent Hot Tub Time Machine (which was a guilty, funny but would have been twice as funny with half the vulgarity) which also had a similar amount of sex. Please note: This is not an endorsement of Hot Tub Time Machine which is a pretty sophomoric, vulgar film but I wanted to see something stupid and schlocky and this fit the bill because I was in the mood for it.
Edited by tgir, Jan 4 2011, 11:24 PM.
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Krystal
Jan 4 2011, 11:48 PM
I thought the Kids movie was insulting to Lesbians. They were well portrayed except for the Moore character going crazy with the sex with the kid's dad. I know some folks are bi but I cannot imagine a Lesbian woman in a good relationship having a torrid affair with a man. I did not like this movie at all.
But Nick and Jules' relationship was not in a 'good' place then. Jules obviously lacked confidence and Nick was obviously very type A, very absorbed in her career, and to me, undermined Jules' confidence in subtle ways. She was always 'checking up' on Jules, questioning her about what she did in the same way she was always checking up on the kids, making sure they did what Nick thought they should be doing. The kids resented it and rebelled against it. Why wouldn't a grown woman who was supposed to be an equal partner in the marriage? Jules felt emotionally neglected. There are obvious fractures in the marriage. Maybe not fatal ones but they are there: Jules feels neglected; Nick self medicates with alcohol. Nothing horrible, or irrecoverable, but the stress fractures are there.

I felt it was a realistic view of a marriage at a particular point in time. Most marriages go through periods where they hit rough spots, difficult areas. Raising teens, especially at the point when one is about to leave home for college, is a crisis (big or small, maybe very small but also maybe very big) for many parents and for many marriages. The kids were at a point where they were becoming more independent, more assertive of their own needs/wants/ideas vs trying to please the moms. Nick's authority was being questioned, albeit very quietly, on a pretty small scale. Jules, who had spent the last 18 years raising the kids, was facing the point where she needed to reassert herself in her own life--her role as mother was changing so that she wasn't going to be needed in the same way on a day to day basis. It is not easy to try to re-enter a professional life or establish a professional life midlife. And she and Jules had gotten together when she was really young, before her career was really established. Instead of establishing her own career, she had focussed on supporting Jules and raising the kids. To me, this was fairly realistic. I don't know of ANY couples, gay or straight, where both partners have full time demanding careers, especially if there are kids involved, but even if there are not. Part of that may be because I live in a pretty small city where there are not a lot of career opportunities but I don't think that's the entire reason. It is hard to balance a marriage of any kind, and especially hard to balance, long term, a marriage with two career driven people. It isn't that strange or uncommon for someone who feels emotionally neglected, and who lacks confidence, to be attracted to someone who provides more emotional support. Heck, I've know more than one straight woman who had an affair (and ditched a long term marriage) with a woman. As Jules says, sexuality is a complex thing.

We see the marriage at another type of crisis: the donor comes into their lives which would naturally shift the balance of things, at least temporarily. And Paul seemed to give everyone what they didn't have (except for Nick): the kids got the cool father figure they never had (easy to be cool if you are only a part time parent of course and they were all in the 'honeymoon' part of their relationship). Paul was much more emotionally supportive to Jules: he encouraged her work, praised her work (instead of monitoring it). And he was at his own crisis, not really acknowledged before: he was beginning, prompted by meeting his kids, to want a family. I can see why he might be very attracted to either of the moms, but particularly Jules, with whom he had more in common, and I can see why she would be (temporarily) attracted to Paul. I think Paul fell in love with not just Jules but the idea of the family and the idea of walking into a ready made one. It was a need/want he hadn't really acknowledged to himself, yet. In the end, I liked him a lot more than I think the movie was supposed to make me like him. Is it awful to have an affair with someone who is married, even if the marriage is not in a great place? Even if the other person initiates it? Of course, but I think he was very much swept up in the idea of this family, not just an attraction to Jules.
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tgir
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Krystal, a friend and neighbor was in a long term gay relationship until they broke up after many years together. This was followed by a series of brief gay relationships. Then one night as we were walking our dogs around the block, he told us he was engaged. To a woman. Didn't marry her, but did marry another woman. This was a few years after telling me in great detail why he found the notion of sex with a woman to be disgusting.

I know any number of people who left straight marriages for gay relationships, a few who left long term, committed gay relationships for straight relationships, a few people who identify as bi sexual and one or two people who fall in love with the individual, irrespective of gender.

As I said, I think it was a realistic depiction of a marriage. Most long term marriages have their high, strong points and most have points at which they are fragile, and fracture lines appear.

The idea of Moore's character taking up with a Hooter's waitress is ludicrous and assumes that the only thing that would attract her is certain body parts when it is clear that she is attracted to the person.

I won't go into a debate about whether it is an 'excuse' to put a spouse and children ahead of your own career and life choices. I've been there and done that. This is clearly one area where I have vastly different life experiences than you do.

Edited by tgir, Jan 5 2011, 11:27 PM.
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Moore's character is gay to the end--which is exactly what she tells Paul. She has an affair with a person who gives her the emotional support she is missing in her gay marriage to a woman who is quite caught up in her own career, and in being in charge and being the important person in the partnership, who belittles Moore's character frequently. She finds herself attracted to someone in whose face and gestures she sees her children, whom she loves very much. It just happened that that person was male.

I found the gay male porn much more weird. Taken in context of their choice in porn and sex toys, sex with a man just doesn't seem that weird to me since at least in some context, they both find men arousing.

Paul is hardly dimwitted: he made a successful career in the restaurant business which takes a great deal of talent, intelligence, and hard work. He just wasn't a type A academic type, like Benning's character. And he behaved as though he wanted and valued Moore's character, as a woman and as a person. That is a pretty powerful turn on.
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Some background: My husband and I used to see every single Woody Allen movie that played in our college town, which were many, it being a college town. I think I've told the story here before but when we hadn't been seeing each other all that long, he asked me to go with him to see the newest Woody Allen, which was Annie Hall. We always went to the dollar matinees, which was what we could afford if we scraped down deep and we never got popcorn or soda or candy. Which was fine: I never missed that stuff. So, I'm sitting in a fairly packed matinee with this guy I've just started seeing, although we knew each other for some time before that through some volunteer work we did at a crisis center/hotline. Mutual friends had quietly pulled me aside and mentioned to me that Matt was great, but well, a little weird. And he was/is as we all are, but not in any bad way. We both took a class on Carl Jung and used to have a lot of discussions about the collective unconscious, which is weird, I suppose but not in a creepy way. We weren't getting stoned or being too political or anything like that. Our first date was to see a student performance (Indiana University had a wonderful theater program and excellent music school and its operas were reviewed by the New York Times) of Oedipus Rex. If you know the story of Oedipus, you know that was a weird first date. But I digress. We're in this fairly crowded afternoon matinee and suddenly, Matt sits up really straight and says very loudly: "That's my Uncle Donnie! No one told me he was in this movie!" His uncle, the late Donald Symington, portrayed Annie Hall's father and no one had thought to let him know, in case he wanted to see his uncle in a more famous than usual for him movie. Of course, I was shocked/a bit frightened--having your uncle in a Woody Allen play seemed very improbable to me and a number of people turned and glared at us. After the film, he explained his uncle was an actor (I saw him in that film and he also played Helena Bonham's father in Mighty Aphrodite and in a number of plays in our area when we lived in Michigan. He also did some Broadway stuff --The King and I, for one, and also was on at least one soap waaaay back when. Wonderful uncle, very generous and funny.) So, that sort of cemented our minor Woody Allen obsession, which lasted up to the time when the news about Soon Yi. Around this time in my life, I was mostly having/raising kids, trying to complete a degree, volunteering an insane number hours and somehow, I didn't really know much about the molestation allegations, except that the general consensus was that it was just Mia who was angry that Woody had an affair with her daughter. I found Allen's behavior with Soon Yi to be despicable and still do. Not mainly because it was a betrayal of the woman with whom he had a long standing romantic relationship and with whom he adopted and had a biological child with (or thought he was his bio kid) but because it was, to me, a gross betrayal of a girl who had surely seen him in a paternal role since he was the legal father of three of her siblings. It seemed to be extremely inappropriate and grotesque, amounting to emotional incest if not legal incest. Yes, I am aware that Allen and Farrow never married but they did adopt two kids together and had a bio child together, although it seems that the paternity of their son is questionable. They were a family, if a somewhat unconventional one.

I had almost completely forgotten the never very clear allegations that he molested one of his kids and frankly, was never sure which one or he gender of the child. I saw very few films of his after that--only a few, actually since that time, and my enjoyment has always been tainted by the Soon Yi affair. It would have been more tainted if I had been more aware of the molestation charges. As I said, at the time it was portrayed as just Crazy Mia who collected lots of kids freaking out and being all jealous. I sort of bought into that and honestly didn't really think much about it. Surely if the allegations were true, he would have been arrested.

I was that naive. Actually, I think that it was highly unlikely that even if there was photographic evidence that he would have been arrested. He was bigger than Polanski, after all.

Dylan/Malone's letter is heart breaking and actually convincing and completely plausible to me.

The counter piece: not so much. If Allen had been engaging in some molestation or 'inappropriate touching' of Dylan, it would have been a compulsion, not really so much as consciously chosen behavior the way it would be if he had decided to take up with the nanny, for example. As for him 'being on his best behavior' during the separation/legal proceedings: No one is, really. Ever. And frankly, it would have been extremely stressful for all of them, including Allen, and to me, that makes it much more likely that Allen would have crossed a line that he perhaps never imagined crossing before.

As for adoption agencies awarding two children to him and to Soon Yi: so what? He was rich and famous and only an idiot does not think that mattered greatly. Lots of people adopt who should never be allowed near children: Joan Crawford, anyone? to mention one very infamous example. Charges were never brought but there are claims that it wasn't because there was no reason but rather to spare Dylan--something that happens very, very often today and even more 20 years ago. And Mia was just crazy of course--except that she's not crazy at all and seems to have done a phenomenal job in raising children from very diverse backgrounds with some very difficult challenges.

The author of the counter piece seems to believe that he would have known if Woody Allen were the kind of man to molest a child. The arrogance of that stance is overwhelming. My mother in law was molested by her father, as was her younger half sister. When they told their mother (who was divorced from him by that time), they were told not to say such disgusting things! He was quite admired as an intellectual and as a translator and all around famous person in the artsy and intellectual scene in NYC and Europe, particularly France in those days. That whole relationship: my husband's grandmother and her 3 husbands and 3 daughters and all of the very famous and very rich people they hung out with is worthy of a soap and a mini series, actually. Or two. I knew this famous grandfather of my husband who molested his daughter and refused to acknowledge that she was his daughter and was actually quite a filthy old man when he began to lose his marbles a bit. It seems to contradict what my mother in law told us after he died==the molestation== but she was both damaged enough and generous enough that she still adores her mother who refused to believe her and stop the gross stuff and she maintained a relationship with her father and allowed him to be a grandfather to her sons--he was a wonderful grandfather and frankly a very charming, delightful teller of all kinds of stories and teacher of chess and many other things that delight children and an audience. My husband was angry with his mother for telling him. She told him because our youngest son was born about 9 months after the grandfather's death and we gave our son his great grandfather's name as a middle name. I wanted to change the name immediately but husband refused. I had many long, serious talks about him needing to get over his outrage that his mother said mean things about the grandfather he idolized and that she needed and deserved to be believed and supported.

I have no doubt that my mother in law told the truth. It makes too much sense. But none of his many admirers would have believed a word of it.

The molester in my family went on to be ordained as a minister--and to be divorced by two wives who alleged abuse (I am sure they were not lying) and very probably molested his step daughters, although he managed to shut their mother up by pilfering my uncle's estate of all funds. About a year ago, my father's widow (I was married with 4 kids when she and my dad married and although I love her, I don't see her as 'step mother') told me the shocking story she had heard from my (by this time deceased) late in life companion that my female cousin claimed she had been molested by her brother and wasn't that a terrible lie. I told her that I knew as a fact that it wasn't a lie and then told her about a few of the things that I had witnessed and that he had tried to do to me. She was shocked--everyone thought he was such a good Christian who just married greedy women who left him and made up stories because he didn't make a lot of money. The fortunate thing about all of this is that no church was crazy enough to give him a congregation or even charge of a youth group. They must have smelled it on him. Thank heavens. Sincerely: I am grateful. I never told anyone what he tried with me because I was sure I wouldn't be believed or that my father would kill him or both. I just made sure he was never near my sisters. And eventually learned just what his pain threshold was and put an end to his nonsense.

Think about how long the Catholic Church denied, covered up allegations of abuse, even when they knew them to be true. It is completely plausible to me that Woody Allen molested his daughter, and completely plausible to me that he never considered anything he did to be inappropriate.





Edited by tgir, Feb 1 2014, 10:30 PM.
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Here's my bit a vanity/claim to nearness of fame by marriage: Uncle Donnie's obit:

http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/obituaries/bs-md-ob-donald-symington-20130729,0,2682514.story

Part of it is really amusing--the part about starving for theater. He came from an extremely wealthy family who lived off of interest income. The woman he married is my mother in law's half sister, who was also the daughter of an extremely wealthy man. Unfortunately, my mother in law was not the daughter of a wealthy man. Her younger half sister was the daughter of wealthiest of my husband's grandmother's 3 husbands. VERY wealthy.
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Yeah, each of the times I was assaulted ( multiple by creepy cousin, various during my college years), people were very near by. Except the very first when the cousin made a point of getting me out of sight and out of ear shot. After that, the severity of the assaults varied from pretty gross suggestions while groping some part of my body to what could almost have been an accidental brushing of a breast or actually crotch--except it wasn't accidental and was always followed up immediately by a second 'accidental' touching if I hadn't stalked off immediately. I began to get a reputation in my family for being very crabby and overly dramatic at around this time.

Yes, KMI: I understand the believing that somehow it is your fault. Girls must be perfect at all times because if they are not, if they do something wild like have too much to drink or wear a skirt too short, well, they're asking for it.

I thought that Dylan approached her mother after the attic incident... I also understand putting things out of your mind. I still spent time with my cousin's family, still talked with him. He and his sister were like brother and sister to me. Our fathers (his step father actually) was my father's brother and they were extremely close. And most of the time my cousin was 'normal.' It wasn't until the time I stopped him from breaking his sister's arm (which he followed up by another assault attempt at the earliest possible opportunity) that I made a connection. He also tried to kill me once, in front of several witnesses. But in a way where it could have easily been 'an accident' as the result of horseplay when we were all in the hayloft, where we had been told not to go.
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Toughest parts were that I really did think of him as like my brother and much of the time, he was just the same old guy, so I would begin to think that it was just an aberration, not real. It was crazy making. The worst part was that I was so afraid of a) not being believed. That would have destroyed me entirely. b) what my father and his would do: I know from his sister that his (step)father, my uncle had beaten the hell out of him when she told something he had done c) that it would destroy our family bond. Our families were very, very close. His mother was the sweetest woman I have ever known and was the only source of affection beyond a quick kiss on the cheek when we said goodbye to my grandmother, from a woman that I ever received as a child. My mother was distant towards me (but not towards my sisters), and very critical. There are no photos of her ever holding me on her lap--one at a joint birthday party and she looks very uncomfortable to be holding me at about age 3. My aunt was sweet and warm and affectionate and always happy to see me, always approving, encouraging. It would have devastated me to hurt her. He was her baby boy, and she doted on him. His bio dad was an abusive drunk, which I only know because of what his sister told me briefly. It makes sense, though.

On the other hand, by the time I was actually dating and went to college, I was in no way ever going to take the slightest bit of crap from any guy.

My family still doesn't understand why I 'hate' him. I don't hate him, but I don't want anything to do with him.

It was easier because he was my step cousin, not blood related. And only a year older so no intimidation, although he was much larger and stronger than I was. If it had been an actual brother or father or grandfather--way worse. I hate to even imagine.
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tgir
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http://www.cnn.com/2014/02/01/showbiz/dylan-farrow-open-letter/index.html?hpt=hp_t2
Quote:
 
A former prosecutor who decided against pressing charges in the case declined to comment on the details in Dylan Farrow's letter Sunday.
"As a prosecutor I really can't comment on the substance of the statement of this now young woman. As a father of a child not too much older than this young woman, I can only say I hope she finds some peace and solace in the way she's expressing herself," former Connecticut State's Attorney Frank Maco said. "I hope she had access to my written statement of decision. My statement is as valid today as it was 20 years ago."


In 1993, Maco -- who's since retired -- told reporters he believed there was probable cause to arrest Allen. But he said he decided not to press charges, with Mia Farrow's support, "rather than exposing the child to possible harm."
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tgir
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Well, he's lying about there having been definitive determination that Dylan had not been abused. Or else the other guy who said that he declined to prosecute because he didn't want to cause Dylan more harm is lying. One has a lot more at stake.

Interesting piece in Slate, from Roman Polanski's victim:

http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2014/02/samantha_geimer_to_dylan_farrow_and_other_victims_the_only_thing_you_have.html



I don't understand why the courts would have allowed two unmarried people to adopt a child together, as they did Mia and Woody. Twice. In those days, that was not at all common. But to me, it speaks to the power of wealth and fame. The fact that he was allowed to adopt two more children with the woman he took nude pictures of when she was a teenager and who is the sister of 3 of his children does not really provide any evidence that there was nothing to the earlier allegations.

Of course none of us was present and so we cannot say with any certainty what did or did not happen.
Edited by tgir, Feb 8 2014, 12:05 AM.
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tgir
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I wanted to be clear: when I said we don't know for certain what happened, I mean that we don't know as in an absolute certainty. It's pretty clear from court documents (from link at the bottom of KMI's Vanity Fair link, reposted here) that even Allen's own therapist believed that he had an unhealthy relationship with Dylan.

If you read the following link, well, scathing just begins to touch it. One of the conclusions is that while Farrow is not a perfect parent, her main fault as a parent was continuing a relationship with Allen. I find myself scratching my head as to why she wanted to see him when he clearly had zero interest in her children and they were clearly very important to her. Even more puzzling is why she would try to get him to adopt her son and to adopt another child with her, given his complete and total lack of interest in her children.

http://www.vanityfair.com/dam/2014/02/woody-allen-1992-custody-suit.pdf

The fact that Mia Farrow had an affair with the much older Frank Sinatra starting while she was 19 and married him at what 21? 22? has no bearing on whether or not Woody Allen molested Dylan and has no bearing on whether or not it was appropriate for Allen to take nude crotch shots of Mia's teenaged daughter, sister to his 3 children, while he and Mia were dating or to have an affair with this same teenager, no matter whether they married and then adopted 2 daughters themselves (a thought which sickens me).

Of course most women will be distraught and angry if they find their lover is unfaithful, especially with a much younger woman. Can you imagine if that is your own daughter? If she's 19 and living with you? A daughter you know to be sheltered, introverted? Sister to 3 children you share with your lover? Not only for yourself but because of the damage you fear to your daughter and your other children? Of course she is angry. That does not mean that she brainwashed Dylan.

Whether she continued to have an affair with Sinatra while involved with Allen does not affect whether or not Allen molested Dylan. However, Allen is freely trying to establish his innocence by disparaging Farrow.

Dylan approached Mia with her story. A third person witnessed Allen with his head in Dylan's lap, in her crotch and later that day Dylan was discovered to be wearing no panties. The person who was supposed to ensure that Allen and Dylan were not alone together---because Allen was so inappropriate with Dylan and was actually in therapy because of his inappropriate behavior--- actually lost track of them for 15-20 minutes.

Read the link. It moved me from having some small room to doubt to having virtually none. I don't believe that Mia brainwashed Dylan. I don't believe that Dylan has false memories. I also do not doubt that Allen does not believe he did anything which was inappropriate. Which is all the more horrifying.


Edited by tgir, Feb 9 2014, 10:35 AM.
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tgir
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Saw The Monunents Men. I had just bought the book and haven't read it yet. Movie felt a bit 'surface' to me as far as the emotional impact of the people involved but the art moved me to tears. There is so much story to tell about what happened to the priceless art treasures ghat were stolen or destroyed, much created and owned by Jews. This is not that story.
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tgir
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KMI, I thought of you when I was watching the movie. I think I came across as more harsh than I should have. It is a good movie but not a great one. Or maybe it was closer to great than I suggested as it made me think about how much more discourse there needs to be about the spoils of war, the explicit intention to obliterate a culture, history, people and why that cannot be allied to happen. It is just such an immense subject that I may have just expected something that was impossible.
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tgir
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I thought Lawrence was wonderful in Silver Linings Playbook (I am not a Bradley Cooper fan but he was tolerable). I didn't see American Hustle so I can't comment. She is excellent in the Hunger Games franchise (although the films are not for everybody, clearly). Didn't see Winter's Bone was by far the best and most substantial role I've seen her in.

Chastain has several films post production or pre-production. She gets a lot of work. I've really liked her in all the roles I've seen her in.

The big issue for me is that there are so few films with good female roles. Hollywood thinks nothing of having film after film after film with all male or virtually all male casts released (to great praise and bigger box office receipts) but put more than 2 women in prominent roles in a film and it is almost always consigned to chick flick hell and seen as novel and pretty often held to far higher standards than 'regular'--that is all/mostly male films. And of course women are either rape victims, whores, crazy or mothers, or some combination of these prototypes.
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Went to see Non-Stop with Liam Neeson, etc . Plot. Was a little thin on logic but plenty of thrills, red herrings, and surprises. Good enough for its kind but no new ground covered.
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