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Verbal Diarrhea (godammit Lizzie Grammar Nazi This); by G. A. Whittaker (grammar nazi'd by L. Ward)
Topic Started: Mar 6 2010, 10:22 PM (417 Views)
Ghost of Me
Deus
Felt like writing something. The title is fitting, I think. =P Still, it might kill some time for you lot?

Chapter Uno:
It was a cold morning over in the hellhole some people called North-Western England. The protagonist of this wonderful tale was sound asleep, relishing in his opportunity to sleep in. His name was George, a pale skinned 18 year-old, with scruffy brown hair and a complete absence of a social life. This George is not the one you all know and hate though, no. This George lives in an alternate universe with an alternate reality which just so happens to be almost exactly like the one the author, and you, the readers are in.

Suddenly, something had to happen as a plot device, so there was knocking on the door; a moment later, the people knocking realised there was a bell and rang that instead. George ignored it. The people at the door however weren't so keen on George having a lie in, and kept ringing it. Reluctantly, George got out of bed, the continuous ringing getting on his nerves enough to make him bother answering the door. He dressed himself in the first clothes he saw, and slowly headed downstairs to the door. He opened it. Two males around his age were outside.

"You're George right?" the male with a really huge spot right on the tip of his nose enquired.
"No, I'm the Easter Bunny." Was the bitter remark George dealt to the pair, his vision fixated on that large spot.
"Oh, okay then." The male dressed in pink replied, as he prepared to walk away. He was stopped by Spot, who grabbed him by the collar and let out a sigh at his partner's stupidity.
"Very funny, Mr Whittaker. I'll have you know we're here on important business though." Spot said sourly.
"I think whatever you morons are here for isn't quite as important as my lie in." George began to close the door, but the pair stopped him from doing so.
"I think it is. The League of Failed Abortions wants you dead."

Chapter Dos: [NOT GRAMMAR CHECKED YET 23:40, 6th March]
George laughed. "The League of Failed Abortions? What a fucking joke."
The pair looked deeply offended by this and pulled out knives. George quickly slammed the door with extreme force, rushing into the kitchen and hunting for something to aid him, quickly. Pinky rang the bell again, only to hear Spot yelling. "Break the window!" They smashed the window, and got inside, their hands bloodied from the sharp glass. They left the living room and made for the kitchen. The kitchen door was locked. Pinky began to knock, but Spot shoved Pinky into the door, knocking the door down with Pinky on top of it.

A knife fell from above with graceful precision straight into Pinky's head. Spot began to back away from the kitchen slowly. He wasn't too keen on dealing with George anymore, he opened the door, but as he did he was shot over and over and over again until his body lay dead, and his blood stained the brand new carpet in the hall. George was inside a kitchen cupboard, licking away at a dry pot noodle out of sheer shock from the sounds around him. It wasn't George who threw that knife. And it wasn't George who caused Spot to bleed all over the carpet either. It was George who was going to get an earfull off his mother over the stained carpet though.

The dealer in death had made his exit in a stylish manner, calmly walking out of the door, grabbing the two bodies and walking into the street with them, walking along past number 18 and dumping the bodies in the bush there. A young male, who appeared to be around the age of 15. A helicopter swooped by, a ladder held down. He boarded the helicopter, which disappeared off into the distance.

Chapter Three: [NOT GRAMMAR CHECKED YET 21:03, 7th March]
A few minutes had past, and George slowly made his exit from the cupboard. The front door was wide open, and a trail of blood lead out the door. George followed the trail until he reached the bush with the bodies in. Feeling a little sickened, he stepped back, and faced his house once more. The front door was now closed, and he wasn't the person who had closed it. He ran, straight down the road. Regardless of the lack of pursuit, he still ran, terrified for his life.

As he made it round the corner, he felt a pain in his arm. Colours began to bleed, his breathing sounded stranger and stranger, his control of his body disappearing. He pissed himself, spinning, and falling to the floor in a colourful trance, his head prevented from touching the ground by a hand.

Lights on. Incomprehensible murmuring. A stab in the arm. Lights out.

A beautiful field, the grass came in all colours. A fresh warm breeze and a bright sky. "SHIT BE WHACK, YOU TRIPPIN G." A voice. It was a stereotypical wigger voice. The kind George had always imagined they had. The ground shook a little, and a puppy emerged from the ground. More puppies started just popping up from the surface of multi-colored grass, more and more, puppy after puppy. George was now in a sea of puppies, all barking and yapping excitedly. It started to rain, the puppies began to flee, leaving George alone again in the field. The grass was now gray, and the sound of thunder could be heard in the distance. A flash.

"Hij is wakker."

Unusual Addition 1: [NOT GRAMMAR CHECKED YET 16:13, 8th March]
Report #000163 by Dr E. N. Dee:
We have failed, but it matters not. We have only failed to murder one of our fourteen targets today, and the ones that were even partially threatening are dead. The target in question is one pathetic excuse for a human that they call George Whittaker. If his mother had an abortion, he would not have survived like us. We are superior.

The irritating cohort that call themselves the Belgian Mafia have stolen four lives that were fated not to have been lost today. We still have 63,425 superior specimens in our ranks, and we shall give that group the painful death they deserve. The master plan moves towards completion, this concludes this week's report, I'm off to get some cold fucking water.


Chapter Quatro: [NOT GRAMMAR CHECKED YET 22:23, 8th March]
"N-n-no hablo espanol, senor." George mumbled, dazed by whatever had happened to him. 4 individuals surrounded George. His sight failing, they appeared like blurry bowling pins to him. His hearing was slowly coming back, their mumbled words forming some recognisable sounds. ".... pill ... soon ... look ... he's coming around ... understand us? ... his pupils ... wait a minute ..." A bowling pin approached George, followed by a stab in the arm. "There."

George's vision was improving, the bowling pins each forming noticably different shapes. He tried to get off the leather seat he was in, but was restrained by a figure, one with straight long hair. "Be still."
He settled back down and took a few deep breaths. His train of thought brought him countless questions, yet he didn't ask them. For now, he just sat.

A couple of minutes later, George had asked his first question. "Who am I?" The long haired person gave the other three in the room a glance, they all seemed to know precisely what he was thinking. It was obvious that this person was in charge of them. "Listen. You are called Fanny." His speech was interupted by laughter, but he gave them a stare that soon silenced them. Amusement was something that was only distributed at his will. "I am Isaak, and I have a duty that I must fulfill. You must help me. And if you don't, you won't live."

To be continued...
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IJ
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Head of Trolling.
I like so far.
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R.I.P 91A
leanne's like awesome
Quote:
 
And it wasn't George who caused Spot to bleed all over the carpet either. It was George who was going to get an earfull off his mother over the stained carpet though.


Oh gawd, I cracked up completely on that.
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Ghost of Me
Deus
R.I.P 91A
Mar 7 2010, 07:17 AM
Quote:
 
And it wasn't George who caused Spot to bleed all over the carpet either. It was George who was going to get an earfull off his mother over the stained carpet though.


Oh gawd, I cracked up completely on that.
I'm glad you approve of that. oD

I thought I did a pretty good job of concealing that one though. ;_;
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AlternatePFG
Substitute
Deus ex machina much? You've already jumped the shark. :V
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Ghost of Me
Deus
I wasn't intending on dying in Chapter 2, the leading man needs to live a little longer. =P Why the deus ex machina? You'll see.
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AlternatePFG
Substitute
B for Bonkenhi
Mar 7 2010, 04:19 PM
I wasn't intending on dying in Chapter 2, the leading man needs to live a little longer. =P Why the deus ex machina? You'll see.
There better be a proper explanation then. :V
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Ghost of Me
Deus
It'll come soon, I promise.

Third chapter is up, it's an unusual one. =P
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R.I.P 91A
leanne's like awesome
so george secretly does drugs as well as secretly be gay

oD
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Velvet Revolver
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There is love in you.
GO MIGHT MORPHING BELGIAN MAFIA GO

oh wait.
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Endy
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Breach the outersphere, the edge of all our fears
...I just got coldfuckingwater before reading this.

So I'm probably gonna eventually get my ass kicked. Yay.
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Cynical.
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...and that's when his ass exploded.
Wow, I can't find anything to grammar nazi. Good job Lizzie.
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R.I.P 91A
leanne's like awesome
Wait, cold fucking water?

Dammit, why did I go downstairs before reading this?
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Ghost of Me
Deus
last installment for a little while. =P

Might write more tomorrow, but given that it's FFXIII day, don't expect much.
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IJ
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Head of Trolling.
B for Bonkenhi
Mar 8 2010, 10:26 PM
last installment for a little while. =P

Might write more tomorrow, but given that it's FFXIII day, don't expect much.
It's like cockblocking but storyreading wise.
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Ghost of Me
Deus
cba doing it today; it was a rough day without the massive time consumption from the lovely FFXIII. <3

Tomorrow, you might get another installment. You might not though.
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IJ
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Head of Trolling.
Where is the installment! I need my fix :o
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Ghost of Me
Deus
I want Lizzie to grammar nazi it. Plus I haven't had much time to myself yet; but fear not, there's 2 weeks of heavenly freedom coming soon, it's likely at least one new chapter will appear then. <3
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IJ
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Head of Trolling.
Yay!
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