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| Tweet Topic Started: Dec 16 2008, 02:42 PM (135 Views) | |
| Mercinus3 | Dec 16 2008, 02:42 PM Post #1 |
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The English Kitty Ninja
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Name: Mercinus3/Merc Roleplaying Experience: Since August Preferred Roleplay Style: I'm more of a fantasy RPer, I'm willing to try anything Roleplaying Sample: The ships were ready to disembark from the dock of Sharroth, nearly under the undead's control. The clouds were black, streaked by the massive bolts of lighting as the storm came over the island. Boom! the thunder went, crackling over the undead army that was ready to move to their next island. A levitating figure went across the pier, his glowing eyes piercing the darkness, and even frightened the undead army, especially the skeletons. Normally, a spectre wouldn't be frightening to the undead, and being an average ghost. This spectre was different... Known through the army that this spectre was an almight powerful being when he was with the living. They could see the magic swirling around the dark cloth that was draped over his skeletal figure. Getting onto the ship, he entered the captain's quarters. "When is the ship ready to set off..." the spectre spoke, his voice filled with malice and hatred. The captain shook as he reached for the launching documents. "The... sh-sh-ship sho-o-ould be ready to... to be launched in... in... in two hours... Gradestra..." The captain, who was a wraith, stuttered, frightened about the spectre's nasty temper. "Have the ship ready within the hour... And be quick about it... Otherwise, you'll be answering to me personally, if we don't take over Azriel within the next few days..." Gradestra lashed out. "Yes... m'lord" the captain said, who jumped up at the spectre's temper. The captain ordered the skeleton, who was first mate, to get the workers to speed up. Edited by Mercinus3, Dec 17 2008, 02:13 PM.
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![]() This is true. I will go ninja kitty on your asses if you do... *glowers and sharpens claws*
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| Silvermourn | Dec 16 2008, 07:50 PM Post #2 |
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The Redneck, the Cynic, the Nerd, and the Hopeless Romantic
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My suggestion for now is to edit it so that it is past tense instead of present. For instance the captain ordered the skeleton.......... Fix that and I will look at it. Sometimes present tense is alright, but usually past tense is better. Other than that it looks much better. |
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"I mourn that which may have been but will never be." "Stupidity is a wound that bleeds forever; Intelligence is a blade that stays forever sharp" "An armed man will kill and unarmed man with monotonous regularity" "Nothing adds a little class to a sniper course like a babe in a Ghillie suit." "You have the rest of your life to solve your problems. How long you live depends on how well you do it." "Make your attacker advance through a wall of bullets. I may get killed with my own gun, but he's gonna have to beat me to death with it, 'cause it's going to be empty." | |
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| Mercinus3 | Dec 17 2008, 02:14 PM Post #3 |
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The English Kitty Ninja
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I've edited any of the words that needed to be changed into the past. But i'm not sure if I had missed anything out. |
![]() This is true. I will go ninja kitty on your asses if you do... *glowers and sharpens claws*
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| Silvermourn | Dec 17 2008, 03:15 PM Post #4 |
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The Redneck, the Cynic, the Nerd, and the Hopeless Romantic
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I'll accept you on probation. Remember, I'm watching to make sure you are performing to standards. |
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"I mourn that which may have been but will never be." "Stupidity is a wound that bleeds forever; Intelligence is a blade that stays forever sharp" "An armed man will kill and unarmed man with monotonous regularity" "Nothing adds a little class to a sniper course like a babe in a Ghillie suit." "You have the rest of your life to solve your problems. How long you live depends on how well you do it." "Make your attacker advance through a wall of bullets. I may get killed with my own gun, but he's gonna have to beat me to death with it, 'cause it's going to be empty." | |
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2:47 AM Jul 11