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| Nightmare | |
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| Topic Started: May 2 2009, 10:01 AM (317 Views) | |
| ArmyMw2 | May 2 2009, 10:01 AM Post #1 |
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*I like cake!*
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![]() Pokemon Species: Drifloon Nickname: Nightmare "Night" Age: 14 Gender: Male Differences: Intead of a white fluff on it's head, it's grey! History: He was created in a fog, a ghostly fog. He traveled through the fog, not know he was the one creating it. He new Haze. He traveled for days, trying to get out. He finally felt the pull of his body, and stopped it. The fog disappeared. Though he traveled, through out the land, he only found ones place that comforted him like the fog. The forest. He was always floating around in the forest, just letting the wind take him. He was always bumping into trees and other pokemon. One day, he was floating, and his 'feet' got stuck on a branch. He struggled and fought against the branch, but he could not get away. He knew, he could not get off unless another pokemon came to help him. "Help!" He screamed out to anyone who would listen. It was the first time he had spoken, and his voice frightened him. It was shrill and high, and almost came out a squeak He hung there for days. Every once and a while yelling out a call. Every time he yelled his voice got stronger, and it didn't squeek as bad. Now, after a time of calling no one came... Then, finally one day, he heard an other voice. "Hello, do you need help?" He looked around and saw a Pachirisu sitting on the branch, not to far away from him. "Yes, please!" he crocked. He was tired, and hungry. The Pachirisu walked over, and untangled his 'feet', "There ya go!" It said smiling. Before he could say thanks, the wind tore him away from the spot. That was one of the reasons he stayed in the forest, to find the kind pokemon again and say thanks. The other reason is just, he loves the feeling of the closeness of the branches. He loves the closed space. Personality: He loves closed spaces. He loves feeling the world close to him. That is why he likes the fog, and forest so much. He is also a little wild, but not much. He is also kind and sincere. He is a true ghost pokemon. He doesn't like the sun much, and likes to stay by himself. Egg Move: Haze Known Attacks: -Constrict -Minimize Starting Area: Forest of Legends Edited by ArmyMw2, May 3 2009, 04:03 PM.
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Profile Nightmare's Journey ![]() My latest to do list: 1.) Get Nightmare Away from trainer. 2.) Work on spelling and stuff on DA 3.) Look for other stuff to do on this site! XD | |
| Zygon | May 2 2009, 01:59 PM Post #2 |
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When the stars stop shining, dreams will shatter before your eyes. Know that you're not alone!
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Okay, even though alot of people seem to like you already, that doesn't mean you can get off easy. Now, i can't approve this for a couple reasons. 1. Your history is short and needs more work. You don't hit the min which is 4 prargraphs of 4 sentences. You have 2 full paragraphs, one is almost full and a one liner, and what you have isn't very good history anyways. Your history is supposed to be what you have done...where you used it to describe how you like the forest. Instead of telling us why you like the forest, why don't you tell us what you did in the forest? 2. Your giving yourself moves you don't have. Because you start at level 5, you only have constrict and minimize. 3. In your personality you said you are not ghost like because you like people, but in your history, you said that you went into the forest...idk, this just seems odd to me. 4. This isn't a real problem, but the egg move you choose is not a good one. Because you are alone, if you destony bond, and you both die, you tie, because you are a pokemon, not a trainer. I suggest a new one. Reply when you have fixed these problems. Edited by Zygon, May 2 2009, 05:39 PM.
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![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ^^^^^^^^^^Clicky my ZERGOOSE EGG ![]() My Team (Updated 6/2) Spoiler: click to toggle ![]() ![]() ![]() Wanted (updated) Spoiler: click to toggle | |
| ArmyMw2 | May 2 2009, 05:00 PM Post #3 |
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*I like cake!*
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(reminder: some of the spaces in the text, are not actually counted as 'paraghraph' just broken up, because i needed to!) DONE! tell me if i need to add anything! |
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Profile Nightmare's Journey ![]() My latest to do list: 1.) Get Nightmare Away from trainer. 2.) Work on spelling and stuff on DA 3.) Look for other stuff to do on this site! XD | |
| Zygon | May 3 2009, 11:33 AM Post #4 |
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When the stars stop shining, dreams will shatter before your eyes. Know that you're not alone!
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The middle paragraphs are still too short, and you need to revise the last paragraph, it's really confusing what is going on. |
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ^^^^^^^^^^Clicky my ZERGOOSE EGG ![]() My Team (Updated 6/2) Spoiler: click to toggle ![]() ![]() ![]() Wanted (updated) Spoiler: click to toggle | |
| ArmyMw2 | May 3 2009, 11:56 AM Post #5 |
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*I like cake!*
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To short? I thought they had to be 4 sentences each? I also changed some things in the last paraghraph, because i had spelled the pokemon's name wrong... twice, hope that helps! |
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Profile Nightmare's Journey ![]() My latest to do list: 1.) Get Nightmare Away from trainer. 2.) Work on spelling and stuff on DA 3.) Look for other stuff to do on this site! XD | |
| Zygon | May 3 2009, 12:12 PM Post #6 |
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When the stars stop shining, dreams will shatter before your eyes. Know that you're not alone!
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A two word sentence doesn't count....-_-; |
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ^^^^^^^^^^Clicky my ZERGOOSE EGG ![]() My Team (Updated 6/2) Spoiler: click to toggle ![]() ![]() ![]() Wanted (updated) Spoiler: click to toggle | |
| ArmyMw2 | May 3 2009, 12:33 PM Post #7 |
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*I like cake!*
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oh, ok didn't relize they where that short, i will fixe them! {fixed} |
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Profile Nightmare's Journey ![]() My latest to do list: 1.) Get Nightmare Away from trainer. 2.) Work on spelling and stuff on DA 3.) Look for other stuff to do on this site! XD | |
| Pikaman | May 3 2009, 03:37 PM Post #8 |
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Sorry but you actually still have work to do. First off could you please run a spell check through that? Second, When you say that was one of the reasons, what other reasons did Nightmare have for staying in the forest? What did he do after he was blown away? Your history says he returned to find and thank Pachirisu. Your personality is a bit choppy, but it is acceptable. I would say that's about it. Change that and I will accept Nightmare. ^^ |
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Profile | Journey | PC | Trading Place Objectives: - Teach Kracken Bounce - Teach Sneasel Beat up before evolving it - Continue exporing and battling ![]() - Possibly join a team and/or found a gym? My Team: PC: My want list: and Eenck when it gets an emoticonPossible Future team: Possible future gym team:
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| ArmyMw2 | May 3 2009, 08:38 PM Post #9 |
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*I like cake!*
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ok, is this ok? |
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Profile Nightmare's Journey ![]() My latest to do list: 1.) Get Nightmare Away from trainer. 2.) Work on spelling and stuff on DA 3.) Look for other stuff to do on this site! XD | |
| Pikaman | May 4 2009, 03:45 PM Post #10 |
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Yep. ^^ |
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Profile | Journey | PC | Trading Place Objectives: - Teach Kracken Bounce - Teach Sneasel Beat up before evolving it - Continue exporing and battling ![]() - Possibly join a team and/or found a gym? My Team: PC: My want list: and Eenck when it gets an emoticonPossible Future team: Possible future gym team:
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and Eenck when it gets an emoticon

