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AN ROFLemo poem
Topic Started: Feb 2 2008, 08:58 AM (249 Views)
The Savage
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i walked into the darkened room

the sink to the right, the bath tub dead ahead, dead ahead indeed

sweat poured like a pitcher from my nervous palms, soon i thought; soon my wrists will pour like a pitcher

i felt the steps

coming for me...

"i must die" i yelled

my mother banged on the door, it seamed as if the hinges would snap; but i did not care.

why should i care?

i reached for my escape

my trip to the burning pits of the beast

my hands touched its cool blade, they then bled.

i the site of blood maid me happy

My mothers pounding persisted

she yelped "i love you son, i love you oh so much"

i cried "i will die today, i will set things right mother"

I love you mom, i screamed, its the only way, there is no other way to end my suffering

blood filled my throat from my screaming

i tried to yell, the vain gushed, i chocked on my own liquids, spewing from my throat

i was dieing slowly, not physically, emotionally

i put it to my wrist

pressed it in

red spilt

my life drained

i moved it to the right

blood gushed , my life pured out of me

my mother was a screaming wreck

i screamed with a bloody tongue, "I love you mom, it's over"

"... its over i did it" whispered i as realisation hit

i placed my wrist to my mouth and bit

chunks a flesh littered my tongue now

joy was felt

at the depths of my being

free at last, the end has come...
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Lucie

All I can say is WOW! That seemed so real. Great job

1. i the site of blood maid me happy

made

2. i the site of blood maid me happy

Just a suggestion:
The site of the blood made me happy
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The Savage
Administrator
You thought it was good? Thanks
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Lucie

I enjoy the way you write. You make it where the audience can feel and see what you are writing about. That takes a lot of work to do. Yes it is good. Your very Welcome. If you would prefer me not to correct you let me know and I will stop. It is a bad habit of mine. Sorry!
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The Savage
Administrator
Please correct me, I need all of the help i can get...
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