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Sho Aesteen; Demon Scarf
Topic Started: Feb 12 2012, 06:25 PM (517 Views)
Ventario
Fresh Meat
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Character Name: Sho Aesteen

Age: 14

Gender: Male

Type: Weapon

Partnered? Somewhat Taken

Image: Weapon form: http://www.iaza.com/work/120213C/iaza17738267185300.png

Clothing and description: He wears a long sleeved shirt that consists of the colors on his scarf form, the sleeves being emerald and the rest being bright green. He also wears worn out jeans that are tattered at the bottom and black boots that seem to be a little too big for his feet. Unlike his scarf form, Sho has dark green eyes instead of red and has pale skin, dark brown hair, and is an introvert of shy proportions. He has a nearly matured face and is skinny yet has powerful legs even though it doesn’t look it. His appearance can make it easy to underestimate him, but that works to his advantage. His scarf form consists of being bright green with 7 emerald markings, one on his head and the rest on his tail. He has red eyes and emerald claws at the end of his tail.

History: Sho’s story started with a family of criminals. His dad was a mob boss in Italy and had a son that followed in his footsteps. His mother was pregnant with him and had an unusual craving for human souls. Being loyal to his wife, his dad went to get her those certain souls and the next thing you know, souls were being served at the family dinner. The time the whole family became kishin eggs was about the same time Sho was born.
Having a slight trace of a kishin egg in him, his family harshly began his training by underfeeding him and not giving him very much attention. Once they figured out that they were being chased after Shibusen, they ran from their home and to go to a secret hideout in a nearby forest, yet they kept Sho hidden in a cave nearby the hideout. Without them being there that often, Sho’s kishin egg trace began to fade.
They started teaching him when he was 4 by killing small animals like baby deer in front of him and teaching him how to write in blood and turning off the flashlight they used to help him see off to see how he’d react to darkness. He was scared. This caused the final trace of kishin egg to fade away.
Sho turned 5 when his family found out he no longer had a trace of the kishin egg, but since they were amateur kishin egg, even having 5 years of it, still tried giving Sho a second chance. They decided that they would be harsher to gain the kishin egg side of Sho back by using madness and forcing him to write in his own blood.
Realizing how harsh they were treating him he began to get scared. Then one day a group of Shibusen agents came to kill the source of the kishin egg at his family’s hideout. This is where his family finally took him to the entrance of the cave where he first experienced sunlight, since he was kept in a cave or a dark room his entire life.
Realizing that the agents had killed his family, he ran away without the agents noticing his presence. Having fits of rage and madness of how his family was gone and his anger towards the agents, he killed animals with a sharp stick and used them as food. Creating such a ruckus, a group of 3 witches noticed his presence and recognized the madness within him.
Convincing him to go with them, they took him to an ancient ritual site. Intending to hypnotize him in working for them to fight against Shinigami, they attempted a ritual to transfer power from 3 kishin egg souls. Their first mistake was to hypnotize him after the ritual.
After the transfer of power, Sho used a technique called Heart Soul Symphony and killed all three witch’s with his powerful form. After his seemingly possessed fit, he realized what he had done and ran away leaving all of the witch’s souls there.
Finding new physical strength, he found a book shop (mysteriously in the middle of the woods that was nearby the forest where his previous “home” was) with a mysterious shop keeper named Myster (pronounced Mister) Richard that took him in and taught him all sorts of things including transforming into weapon form. This was the first person ever who showed kindness towards him.
3 years later when Sho was 8, shady thugs came into the shop and killed Myster Richard. Sho caught them in the act and they ran away leaving Myster’s dying body. Sho cried over him because this was the first person who was nice to him and who he liked and that he didn’t save him when he had the opportunity and that everyone close to him dies. Myster Richard then said, “Don’t give up hope.” before he died.
It turned out that the thugs were kishins eggs and Shibusen agent killed them and came into the shop. Seeing Sho crying over Myster Richard made him pity Sho, so he brought him to Shibusen. Sho used a technique Myster taught him to store Myster’s soul inside his scarf form and took it with him. Sho found Shibusen a haven. He decided to stay and enroll to attempt to rid the worldf of as many kishin eggs as possible so no one would have the same fate as him.
Personality: Sho is usually nervous and shy, yet everyone assumes that his lonely and depressing. He doesn’t like to talk much and despises people that are big mouths. It makes him sad when people don’t like just because he doesn’t fit in (especially when they say, “Why do you have to be different?”). He’s happy when he’s around people that actually accept him.
When he’s fighting for a friend that accepts him, he holds nothing back and does whatever he can to protect them. When he’s not so worried about that, he starts to doubt himself. If he’s losing a fight then he doubts his abilities which make him hesitant to fight back. Another thing that affects his fighting ability is the madness that affects him that makes him curl up in a ball and start lightly laugh insanely and rock back in forth, which brings back memories of the cave he was forced to live in and tortured in.

Abilities:
Technique Name: Irastiku
Effects/Description: Witht his ability, Sho is able to stretch his tail out 3 times the size of his original tail which is used for varied distanced attacks.
Technique Name: Scar Sheath
Effects/Description: Sho is able to store souls or other objects that are small enough to fit through the neck portion in his scarf form. He transforms into his scarf and puts an object in the middle of the neck portion and transforms back. When he wants to take something out he reaches into the middle of the portion he stores stuff in and pulls whatever he thinks of. Sho uses this to keep Myster's soul so he would always be with him. He has to be in full weapon form to access the neck portion though. The size of the neck portion depends on the area of the neck of his meister or the person currently using him.
Technique Name: Partial transformation
Effects/Description: Sometimes uncontrollably, Sho's left arm turns into the tail of his scarf form and when angry his eyes turn red.
Technique Name: Transformation
Effects/Description: Sho transforms into a demon scarf as his left arm turns into the tail of the scarf and he curls up the rest of his body and turns into the neck part of the scarf. He has random emerald markings all along his tail and one on his face. The end of his tail is squared and sport emerald claws used for various cutting methods. When he transforms into a weapon he appears seperate from his user and jumps on their head and sinks to their neck.The circumference of the top of the neck portion depends on the whoever's using him's neck size. If ther neck is too big, however, he wouldn't go all around and he would choke them. This could be a good attack mechanism for enemies with thick necks. His tail length also depends on his user. The tail is 18" longer than his user's left arm.

Combat Style: His kishin egg family taught him Judo for killing, although he isn't any good at it since he never uses it since it reminds him of them, and he uses emerald claws on his tail and his tail in general for attacks. Hea also uses his tail to hop on if he has to walk in weapon form.
Miscellaneous Information: He can’t swim seeing as he was never around a pool of water (making an exception for going across the Ocean with the Shibusen agent to get to Shibusen) and has hydrophobia (fear of water) since it reminds him of the water that descended from the cave where his family was, and achluophobia (fear of the dark) since it reminds him of the darkness of the cave. Strengths:

  • Powerful
  • Doesn’t hold back
  • Somewhat strategic

Weaknesses:

  • Is affected by madness
  • Naive
  • Doubts himself

Roleplay Sample: I heard the drip of a water droplet descending from the ceiling of the moist cave. I looked around, but didn’t see anything in the pitch-blackness. It made my skin crawl. I was cold and wet and alone. I held back tears as I felt a droplet fall on my head. I didn’t like the feeling of the cold liquid running down my scalp to my face. I shivered and heard a voice.
“You’re shivering my dear pupil.” I heard a harsh voice call out. A tough, dry hand clutched my shoulder and I instantly stopped shivering. “Once you become one of us, you will stop shivering. Wouldn’t you like that?” I recognized the voice as my mother. “That’s the only reason we keep you alive,” I heard another voice that was my father’s say, “Or would you like to die right now?” I felt a sharp blade on my throat, but I didn’t start to squirm because if I did it would go across my neck. I didn’t do anything.
“Good.” My mother replied to my silent state. “When will he become a kishin egg, Mother?” the final voice representing my family asked. It was my brother. “If he will be like this, then soon.” She answered as I heard her footsteps begin. The blade subsided and was substituted by a forceful hand pulling me up and dragging me further into the darkness.
I knew that they were taking me to the back to be trained. First they would cut my skin and make the liquid come out (blood) and then they would give me scary thoughts (madness) and then they’d force me to smile and go to my sitting spot and stay awake. I didn’t like it, but I couldn’t help it. Then I heard a loud noise.
I heard voices, but I couldn’t make out what they were saying. My family hissed as they dragged me toward the noise. Then I felt it. Sunlight. I thought that it was a scary thing, but it felt pleasing in a way. Then I saw the people who were making the noises. They were yelling about a kishin egg. Were they talking about me? They couldn’t have, now they were saying it in plural. Were they talking about my family? I heard my mother scream, then my brother, and finally my father.
I felt the liquid (blood) on me again and I shivered. I saw three red circles illuminate the cave. I scooted away from them and hid in the sunlight. I felt odd in the sunlight, like I thoroughly enjoyed it. What did that mean? Was this truly what enjoyment was? I heard the voices again and the red circles were gone. I realized what they had done as I looked at the red substance on my skin. It wasn’t mine, it was my family’s. At that moment, I did what I thought I only knew what to do in that kind of situation. I felt like all I could do, was run away.
Edited by Ventario, Feb 16 2012, 12:19 AM.
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Imp of Chaos
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Hi Ventario ^__^ I'm Imp and I'll be modding your character request. Sho looks like a really interesting character and I can't wait to see how he develops~

First and foremost, this profile by and large is quite well written, and to the point. It would be even better with a little bit of a polish, however, like going through and fixing awkward sentences such as “He has pale skin, dark brown hair, and a lonely impression.” (ie. Does he give off an impression of loneliness? Or does he get the impression of loneliness?)

Description

This is a great start, and so far I have a pretty good idea of what Sho looks like ^___^ You could make this a really great description, however, if you fleshed it out a little more. For example – when someone is described as having a round face, it is usually meant to imply that they are either fat, or have an unusually young looking face, but Sho has neither of these, so maybe you could explain a little bit more about what his face looks like, to help give the reader a good idea about what you mean when you say a round face.

Some of these shorter sentences (such as ”He is skinny yet slightly built.”) could be elaborated upon :3 such as explaining what you mean by 'slightly built' – does he have a slight build (no muscles) or is he slightly built up in the muscle department?

History

This sounds like Sho has had an interesting and action packed life~ Well done ^__^ It would be great if you could flesh it out by giving us a few more details, though. Remember you can tell us that something happened, but it is always better to 'show' us what happened by explaining events in detail (eg the difference between 'he ate his horrible lunch' and 'his lunch contained a sandwich, which he carefully unwrapped and bit into. Unfortunately it had gone soggy due to being in his bag all day. If he wasn't so hungry he would have spit it out then and there.')

So here are some of the points I would like you to 'show' us ^__^

-How did 5 year old Sho manage to escape a Shibusen team that was capable of taking out a family of kishin-eggs?
-How did Sho feel about Shibusen after the attack? Did he even know it was Shibusen?
-How was he found by the witches?
-Why did a group of powerful witches make such a silly mistake, and how did Sho manage to kill them all?
-What happened to Sho between the ages of 5 and 14? ( almost ten whole years O: ) did he ever go to school to learn to read and write? Or is he illiterate? How did he spend his childhood other than running away from a group of dead witches?
-What did he think of joining Shibusen, seeing as they killed his family, and he was under the impression that they would kill him as well?

Personality

You mention that his family forced madness upon him, but in your history section Shibusen saved Sho before his family could turn him insane. Could you choose one or the other?

Tell us more about his personality ^__^ We know that he is lonely and shy, but how does he express this? Does he blush? Does he refuse to talk to strangers? Does he cry if people get in his personal space? Many people show emotions in different ways :3 For example when I am angry I shout and swear, but when other people get angry they go silent and want to be on their own.

Is he ever happy? What kind of things make him feel happy/sad/angry/etc

How does his madness effect his everyday life? Does he feel compelled to touch every lamp that he sees? Does he occasionally decide to lick the floor? Does he get confused about directions? How does he/everyone else know he is mad (or do they?)

Abilities

-Heart Soul Symphony: You will need to get rid of this, unfortunately, as this is a death scythe power at best

-Partial transformation: Could you please describe the tail end of the scarf (for example, you forgot to mention that it sports claws ^__^;; )

-I note that you have a picture of his full transformation in his description section. If Sho has a full transformation, please list it as an ability ^__^

Combat Style

Could you give us an idea of how masterful he is at Judo/fighting in general? (ie. Is he a novice? Is he generally okay? Or is he a super leet master?)

Misc

It'd be fantastic if you could explain why he has fear of the water/dark? Did something happen in his history? Also could you talk about it in his personality or combat style (how does his fear effect how he acts in everyday life/ in combat situations – does he freeze up? Curl into a ball? Etc). Finally how severe are his fears? Can he go out in the rain or take a bath? Or is it only things like swimming in a murky lake that he is afraid of?

Strengths and weaknesses

An important thing to remember about these is that you do not have to have 3 of each. You can have however many are relevant to your character (for example Sho has 'somewhat strategic' listed as a strength, but it has never been mentioned before in his profile – he didn't learn strategy in his history, he isn't intelligent or cunning, or insightful in his personality, and he has no mention of strategy in his combat style).

In your strengths you mention that he 'doesn't hold back' but in his personality he is 'shy and lonely' – the two don't seem to mix, perhaps you could explain somewhere why Sho undergoes such a dramatic personality transformation (presumably) during battle?

In weaknesses you mention that he is effected by madness, could you explain how he is effected and why it is a weakness? Does he occasionally stop fighting to lick the floor? Or does he have trouble differentiating between friend and foe? (that sort of thing).

It would also be great to hear more about his doubt in himself in somewhere like his personality section ^__^ It's great to hear the flaws of characters. It would also be fantastic if you could explain how he can go all out and hold nothing back when he doubts himself?

Other than that, these strengths and weaknesses seem to be a good summary of the character.

Roleplay Sample

This is fantastic, you have some great prose in here ^__^ well done. Here on 42, however, we encourage everyone to write in third person, past tense. While we won't force it on you, it can really break up the flow of a story if everyone is writing in third person, past tense, and then you hit a post that is in first person, present tense, if you know what I mean? It's a consistency issue. It can also be more difficult to RP in first person consistently, because you can't 'cut scene' to NPCs in order to set up another part of the story where your character might not be privy to certain information or events – you are very much locked into your own character at the one time.

Overall

This is a great character and a unique concept ^__^ I very much look forward to seeing Sho out and about on the board~ While it is a great profile, at 42 we like to encourage improvement, and even Shini, Excalibur and myself know we have room to improve :3 So I can't wait to see how you flesh Sho out, and really make this a great profile~
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Will
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Ventario
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Yay, I'm finished! And I will keep begging for the exception I begged for in the editor's note!
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Imp of Chaos
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Hi there Vent :3 you've done a really impressive job on adding in details and fleshing out your character, so I am willing to let you keep Heart Soul Symphony in your history, as long as you mention in Sho's history that he has never been able to call on the power of heart soul symphony since his one encounter with the witches. Please also get rid of it from your ability section. The ability section should be reserved only for abilities that Sho can actually use ^__^;

One thing I would like you to edit, is the use of the word 'kishin'. It's just a small thing, but on 42 we tend to mark a difference between a kishin-egg/kishin egg/corrupted soul and a kishin. We use the term 'kishin' to refer to the god of chaos, like Asura, and kishin-egg to refer to a red-souled person who might one day (with luck) become a kishin. It's like marking a difference between a weapon and a death-scythe ^__^ So it'd be great if you could replace 'kishin' with 'kishin-egg' or 'kishin egg' or 'corrupted soul' (whichever you prefer) to avoid confusion :3

Abilities

Scar Sheath – this is a very interesting ability ^__^ I am glad you added it! Could you please give us an idea of what he can store? Is he able to store only one small thing at a time, or would he be able to store an entire person, or even an entire building? O:

It would also be great if you could define how he takes it out again – does he have to be in full weapon form (full weapon form means turned completely into a scarf, not just one arm) or can he do it from partial weapon form (partial weapon form is where he is mostly still human, but some of his body – in this case his arm – has turned into a part of the scarf)

Transformation – thanks for adding this in ^__^ could you give a few specs here, like how long Sho is, whether he can move around like a snake even without a meister, and mention his claws? I'd love to know what he can do ^__^

Combat Style

You mention that Sho can “stretch his tail 3x longer for distanced attacks also” - this should be added into abilities, seeing as it is a physical ability that he can do, rather than a martial art that anybody could learn (for example, you or I couldn't learn to stretch our arms like that XD)

Overall

I'm impressed with the effort that you have put into making this a really great profile. The powers are very interesting, as is Sho's weapon form! In the future, please keep editor notes in replies to this thread, rather than in the profile itself – think of the profile as your finished product, and all the replies as a conversation between you and me :3 When you get the profile accepted you wouldn't want part of our conversation to be part of the finished product ^__^;;
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Will
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Ventario
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Done ^_^
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Imp of Chaos
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This looks good, you've really improved on it and I am impressed ^__^ As with most new profiles, if it turns out that our understanding of what is in the profile is different to yours (if Sho turns out to be over powered, which I am sure he won't~) then we'll discuss rebalancing options with you. Other than that this is accepted ^__^
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