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Shoir; [Meister to Sakura]
Topic Started: Sep 25 2011, 03:26 AM (839 Views)
Zeph
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Character Name: Shoir Driker

Age: 14

Gender: Male

Type: Meister

Partnered: Yes. To Sakura Ai

Clothing and description: He has a light brown hair with the endings of the hair that reach his forehead being blonde, which he likes to use short with some of its hair covering his right side of the forehead. His eyes are rather beautiful, confusing people if they either are blue, yellow and green, if they are one of the ones just mentioned or if they actually change of color. Shoir wears most of the time a white shirt and a short that is usually longer than normal (almost reaching his feet) with a pair of black tennis. He is also a 1,70 m. tall white and thin person, weighting around 120-130 pounds, since he does fighting and training for getting strong, he have good muscles (but of course, not exaggeratedly)

History: Shoir had a very normal childhood, living with his dad, mom, brother and two sisters, they all were very good persons and his parents were always teaching them good things such as loyalty and comprehension. Since he was about 5 years, he became interested in fighting and weapons and was always aiming to become a meister of shibusen, things that his parents thought were wrong and bad, plus wanting his son to become some kind of doctor or scientist. The reason of this is that Shoir is some kind of action guy (he is also hyperactive) and loves fighting and action, and hates see someone dead and wants to end the suffering in the world. He learned about Shibusen from his cousin Kim, which was a shibusen meister of 16 years by then, and usually visited Shoir's family in vacations.

Trying to accomplish someday his dream at the age of 8, he began practicing with large drainage tube he found one day as it was a spear or a halberd, he discovered he was actually pretty good at it, as he could from a beginning to spin the tube with a single hand and could easily control it, next he began with knives, at first he was afraid of cutting his hand with a knife, but after some good practice over days he got to manage them. With the fighting he began to practice with his brother and his cousin Kim that teached him about many abilities such as soul menace, soul perception and soul resonance. With them he learned pretty fast to block the enemy attacks and do counter hits, also, since he had a great imagination, he used it to create combat techniques and thought of how he could take advantage in a battle, which he was pretty good already at the age of 10, but continued practicing everyday as always. His parents actually didn't cared a lot about all of this, they cared about his kid happiness and let him had the illusion of becoming a meister, and since Shoir didn't liked many sports, they let them do this.

One day when he was around 11, 12 years old, he went hunting with his brother and uncle; they brought some hunting knives and even a bow with arrows. He thought it was a great chances to see if he had the soul perception ability and use it to see where were the animals, which would be his opportunity to become a meister, so he concentrated and tried to see its brother’s and uncle’s soul, but instead he was able to see a dark, red soul a few meters from them, he was pretty sure it wasn’t his brother nor his uncle’s soul, specially since he couldn’t see their souls being just in front of him, meaning his soul perception ability wasn’t that strong, even though it was obvious since it was the first time he used it, he was pretty happy thought, he actually didn't thought he would really be having that ability, he was just guessing. So he made a very obvious conclusion. A Kishin Egg was around there, he told this to his brother and uncle who pulled out the bow and the knives who prepared themselves, but didn’t let Shoir to fight. Due to this, the Kishin Egg rapidly killed both his brother and uncle. He then reaction fast enough to grab the bow and shot the Kishin Egg who stepped back, then he grabbed the knives and throw them to the Kishin Egg, killing it. After crying for a long while for his family, he grabbed the dead bodies and made it to his home, and after a week they had two funerals. Due to this, his parents accepted Shoir’s dream and send him to Shibusen, where he learned to use and control most things Kim teached him, such as soul menace.

Personality: He is a very good person, he is kind to others and like to help them, most of the time he is trying to avoid conflicts and/or fix them, he likes to give advice to who need it. He loves making jokes, he may even say something stupid in a serious moment, or may even say he is the traitor if Shibusen is looking for one; he also loves to do crazy things most of the time. He is kind of clumsy sometimes, and somehow he attract stupid and funny moments. He also thinks about things a lot and can get distracted at times if he is not concentrated in something. He is very sentimental, he would get angry, sad and hurt if someone would hurt someone he cares about or do something he hates, when he is just sad and hurted he becomes very quiet and lower his head, it is something very different when angry, since he would rather shout out a lot, plus being rather hyperactive, but uses most of his energy in battles. He also is a very curious person, wanting to know almost everything, making him like gossip. At last, Shoir actually is very careful, always sawing the little facts that others may not care about.


Abilities:
-Soul Perception
-Soul Menace

Technique Name: Soul Perception

Effects/Description:

Shoir is able to see through a person’s soul, although this ability isn’t very strong (seeing around half a kilometer), he works out to better it. In the missions he usually uses it to find out Kishin Eggs, but also likes to see how the people really are, sawing through their personality, if they are shy, smart, angry, kind, etc. plus seeing if they are Humans, Witches or Kishin Eggs, although he can't penetrate through soul protect.

Technique Name: Soul Menace

Effects/Description:
Shoir is able to attack opponents directly with his soul wavelength, using it in desperate moments, specially since he likes to fight. When he uses it he aims to rather leave the enemy in disadvantage than to hurt it, using it in the legs to make it harder to the enemy to move or use it in the stomach to leave the enemy without air. He usually uses it as a punch, when he use it as this, sparks of his soul wavelenght can be seen through his palm.

Combat Style: Basically, he just have some kind of block and counter style, blocking every hit he can and returning it, he can also take advantage of the enemy lowering its defense in attacks to hit them, even though most of the time he also get damaged by the enemy, but some times he is able to avoid the enemy hit as well. When attacking an enemy he seeks how to damage him even though it block his attacks, so if he try to hit an enemy and the enemy try to defense with its arm, he would rather try to damage the arm, and sometimes he try to distract the enemy to take some advantage thus being very strategic, trying to separate a weapon from his meister or making the enemy fall to the ground somehow and then make multiple hits while the opponent is without defense.

The weapons he most like to uses are Halberds, Bows and Knives as they were the first to use them, but he can also uses weapons as Katanas and others. When attacking with halberds he likes to attack multiple times using the spear point to leave the enemy with some important parts damaged to weak it and then begin using the axe blade to deal fatal hits to the enemies. He uses Bows because of its long range, that way he can shot down some important points of the enemy's body or just hurt him. With knives he usually cuts off parts of the enemy bodies or stab them all around the body.

Miscellaneous Information: He hates nasty insects.

Strengths:


  • He is rather fast.

  • He has a pretty good and big soul.

  • He is a very strategic fighter.


Weaknesses:


  • He is very distracted.

  • He can be clumsy sometimes.

  • He has low stamina, but he always forces himself after being tired.


Roleplay Sample:
Shoir stood up, it was the first time he saw a Kishin Egg, and it was the first time he had lost someone he loved, then he became both, angry and sad, grabbed his uncle’s bow and began to shot down the Kishin Egg, who was avoiding most of them, he tried to hit Shoir with his nasty claws that Shoir avoided, it was a close hit since it grasped his shirt, so after that he grabbed the knives, and throw one to the pre-kishin hand and other to its leg, making him shout horribly, he then almost cut down Shoir's hand, leaving a nasty scar, then he decided to kill him, shotting the last arrow to its head, killing him instantly and only leaving a dark and red soul.

Pupil.
Edited by Zeph, Oct 12 2011, 10:20 PM.
Shoir Driker, Meister

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Marie Mjolnir
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Hey there. I'm Marie, I'll be doing your moderation :)
This is already a pretty good-looking profile, but there's some stuff I can see is not quite there yet. So I'll be addressing that in my modding! This is the bigger stuff that I noticed.

Appearance:
The basics of this are good, but you're missing a few important details. I'll point out some things about his appearance that are unclear or missing. Imagine you are describing him for an artist to draw from scratch: you want to be as specific as possible here. ^^

First off, you describe his hair color, but what is his hairstyle? You imply he has bangs, but there are many styles that have them, so I'd like to know how he wears it.

Secondly, what does Shoir's body look like? There's no description of this, so at this point anyone could assume he is anywhere from short, round and fat, to Arnold Schwarzenegger-style body builder. Give us an idea of what his body type is, his height, and his weight. When you describe this, could you also include his ethnicity/race and skintone as well?

A more minor one: what color are the shorts he usually wears?

History
All right, about his childhood. If Shoir's parents taught him that fighting was wrong and they were against Shibusen, why did he not listen to them and pursue an interest in becoming a meister? Was there any sort of inspiration? After all, what our parents tell us as children often defines us, and it sometimes takes a pretty powerful message to get us to see things differently.

With that said, how did Shoir's parents react to his sparring sessions with his brother, practice with knives, etc.? Did they know about it at all, or did Shoir have any trouble trying to keep them out of his business?

Personality
This does a pretty good job covering the basic shape of his personality as well. However, I think I can get some more out of you!

You seem to have his personality down as a "comic relief" sort of person, which is cool. But how does he react to strong negative emotions? What is he like when he's angry? Sad? Hurt?

Abilities
All right, couple points here. Firstly, although it's fine to have abilities that are standard in canon, does Shoir have any of his own? Or rather, are they way he uses his abilites tied in to his fighting style? I'd like to see you go into more detail about how exactly he uses his Soul Perception and Soul Menace techniques relative to his style.

RP Sample
Could I ask to see you write your sample in third person rather than first person? That's what I recommend. 42 42 564 members write in third person, seeing as role play here is done in narrative style.

And to answer your questions:

You can use [quote=OOC]OOC text goes here[/quote] to create a fancy OOC box. It will come out looking like this:

OOC
 
OOC Text goes here

And about the second one: As I said above, you don't need to write in first person. ^^
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Zeph
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Thanks Marie! I already did the changes, and make the soul perception and menace normal ones and not weak ones.
Edited by Zeph, Sep 25 2011, 10:41 PM.
Shoir Driker, Meister

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Marie Mjolnir
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Hello again! Good to see your enthusiasm.

I'll continue with a couple more points.

Character Name:
This is really minor, maybe a little bit nit-picky, but I am curious: Does Shoir have a last name? Or does he only have one name, like Black*Star?

Appearance:
This is looking better, but I think you may have overlooked a couple of the details I asked you to give. Could you take another look at this and make sure it's a complete description? After all, you do want people to visualize your character right.

History:
Big improvement here, thanks a lot. ^^ Now that there's a little more to work with here, I have a couple more questions, if you don't mind.

At what age did Shoir start to become interested in the ways of Shibusen and fighting? When did he begin his self-training? How long did it take him to get to a competent fighting level before the hunting trip incident?

How did Shoir learn about Soul Perception and Kishin Eggs? Where did he learn this information, who or what did he get it from? How did he come to the conclusion that he might have this ability? And, why did he decide to go on the hunting trip to test it out rather than just try to see people's souls in the saftey of his own home?

Abilities:
This is looking better. What I'd like you to do now is go into detail about how he physically uses his abilities.

For Soul Perception: What sense does he use for his Soul Perception? Can he see souls, or is it something different like hearing, feeling, or even smelling souls?

And in general: How "weak" is this ability? Is there a limit on how far away (for example: 3 feet away VS. 3 miles away) Shoir can detect souls?

"Likes to see how the people really are": What does this mean? Can Shoir read minds? See someone's personality? Tell what side they are on? I'd like you to be more specific here.

For Soul Menace: Does Shoir use this as more of an attacking move or a defensive move? His fighting style and the description seem to suggest that it might be more on the defensive side, but that might just be me? I'd like you to elaborate on this.

Also, what does it look like when Shoir uses Soul Menace? Does he punch? Kick? Is there any kind of special effect, like an aura or an energy blast, that goes with it?

Combat Style:
So far you've done a pretty good job of describing his personal fighting style. His history says that he has some experience with certain kinds of weapons, as well, though. Could you describe the way he utilizes weapons here in addition to his solo fighting style?

All right, that seems to cover it for now. Thanks for your patience and cooperation. Shoir is becoming a better-developed character every time you post here. :D
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Zeph
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Thank you marie! I already made the changes. But with the Soul perception and kishing eggs thing of your last paraghraph, I think that it is actually pretty obvious that everyone knows what they are in the soul eater world, since Kishin Eggs are some of the mayor problems they have, and is almost the same way with soul perception.
Edited by Zeph, Sep 27 2011, 11:24 PM.
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Excalibur
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Evening Zeph! This is Excalibur and I am here to give you some quick mods so we can get to the shimmying and acceptance part you are working so hard for =).

Appearance:

I'd love to know more about the body of his. You say he is thin. Is he a stick with noodle arms and legs. Does he have any muscles or is toned in any way? Just let me know more about his body other than just thin. We can have thin people with toned bodies or thin people who are noodles. =)

History:

Very nice! But there's one part that I'd love to hear more about. His eperience at shibusen. You don't seem to hint that he knew soul menace in any way while living with his family and the soul perception is a whimsical kind of thing. Soul menace is a tricky move to learn so I would love to know if he had dabbled in the skill with his family or if he learned of it after going to shibusen!

Abilities:

Soul Perception: Can he see through soul protect and other soul protection based skills? Also what do you mean by seeing through personalities? Please elaborate on this.

Overall:
This seems to be nearing completion! I can't wait to read more about Shoir =D

P.S: The singing will come... Oh ho ho... It will come
Edited by Excalibur, Sep 30 2011, 01:16 AM.
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Zeph
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FINISHED! *Falls to ground and sleeps*
Shoir Driker, Meister

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Zeph
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Ready for mod!
Shoir Driker, Meister

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Excalibur
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I apologize for the delay @ -@. I only have one quick thing to ask. Can his Soul Perception penetrate soul protect?
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Zeph
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Done!
Shoir Driker, Meister

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