Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
Add Reply
  • Pages:
  • 1
  • 2
Tsunomi Corlana
Topic Started: Jun 11 2011, 06:05 AM (904 Views)
SunomyCorlana
Member Avatar
Fresh Meat
[ * ]
i think i got it now,what do you think?
Say No to Drugs
Say Yes to Tacos
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Shinigami
Member Avatar
Administrator
[ * ]
Nice work :3 It is nice to know how her parents died.

Abilities:
Could you please remove her invisibility ability? ^_^ Her other one seems really cool though!

At the moment you also say that her chainsaw is 16 foot long- that's 5 meters- or about the length of a classroom! You can have this if you really want, but it might be hard for someone to use her @_@ Imagine trying to chop a ninja with something that big!

RP Sample:
I know these can be hard to write- so maybe could you re-write your current one as if you were making an RP reply to the following?
Quote:
 
They were in the White House, and kishin egg Jack the Ripper was said to be hiding somewhere in the massive building. Tsunomi and her partner, Bob, had been sent by Shinigami to find Jack the Ripper before he killed anyone. Bob, turned to Tsunomi. She was so much younger than him, and so much smaller, but he knew that she was really good in a fight.

"So Tsuno, what're we going to do? I heard that Jack the Ripper likes to attack girls... So you better stay close to me, okay?"


Good luck! :) On 42 we really encourage everyone to always try to write better and better so one day everyone can be a really awesome writer!
Posted Image
[marq=right]Posted Image[/marq]
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
SunomyCorlana
Member Avatar
Fresh Meat
[ * ]
what about now?
Say No to Drugs
Say Yes to Tacos
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Shinigami
Member Avatar
Administrator
[ * ]
You keep improving and improving!

Weapon Form:"
Quote:
 
When she is a chainsaw the handle is purple (awesome color)with blue stripes,the blade on it's made with mechanical iron,to turn on the chainsaw there is a purple thread to pull to turn the chainsaw on,the blade is about 6 ft. long but surprisingly is very light. The full chainsaw is 3 ft. long.

At the moment her blade is 6 foot, but her total size is 3 foot :3 Could you fix this up? At the moment the blade is bigger than the combined length!


Abilities:
Could you please delete Gōruden'ai? She can learn it later (as an upgrade) but I think when she joins Shibusen she should not have this ability.

RP Sample:
Thanks for the update ^_^

Could you make sure that every sentence starts with a capital letter, and when someone new talks you press the [enter] key?

eg:
Quote:
 
"Hi" said Death the Kid.
"Hi" said Shinigami
"How are you doing today?"
"I am very good. Yourself?"
"Very good," the meister replied

instead of
Quote:
 
"Hi" said Death the Kid. "Hi" said Shinigami. "How are you doing today?" "I am very good. Yourself?" "Very good," the meister replied


Posted Image
[marq=right]Posted Image[/marq]
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
SunomyCorlana
Member Avatar
Fresh Meat
[ * ]
ok how bout' now
Say No to Drugs
Say Yes to Tacos
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Shinigami
Member Avatar
Administrator
[ * ]
OK!

You have improved heaps so I am going to approve this character. This means that you can start to RP and have fun with your character :-)
Posted Image
[marq=right]Posted Image[/marq]
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous)
« Previous Topic · Obsolete Characters · Next Topic »
Add Reply
  • Pages:
  • 1
  • 2


Theme Silt created by tiptopolive of IDS

[ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]