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Hana Bell, Weapon.; edited :)
Topic Started: Mar 3 2011, 02:58 AM (417 Views)
liolet

Character name: Hana Bell

Age: 15

Type: Weapon

Partnered: No

Clothing and description: Hana is very thin(110) and 5' 6" making her appear rather willowy, she has strawberry blond hair, that goes down to the end of her back. She has blue eyes, a heart shaped face, and full lips, her cheek bones are high and defined. Hana's skin is extremely pale and never gets tan, her left eyebrow is broken up by a scar in the middle. She has a ring that is connected across two different fingers, and is a snake. Her finger nails are constantly painted black. She usually wears skinny jeans that accentuate her long legs, and a form fitting T-shirt. During the winter she has an assortment of long trench coats that she wears over her clothes. Additionally she usually wears high heeled boots. Most of her clothes are in dark shades.

In her weapon form she is a broadsword that about two and a half feet. She is silver and has a snake on her handle.

History: Hana grew up in a family of four, her mother, her father, and her older sister. All of the rest of her family had brown hair and she stuck out a bit. Her sister is three years older than her and had always persistently made fun of her and picked on her. She had a fairly normal life her family, though wealthy, was not particularly rich. She lived in a suburb on the coast of California.

During elementary school Hana did not fit in, she only had one close friend Kanasha. When she got to Junior High her looks allowed her to fit in more. Hana started to distance herself from Kanasha and they didn't speak anymore. Eventually her new friends shunned her and she realized she had burned the bridge between her and Kanasha. She attempted to make amends to no avail. As a form of self punishment Hana began to always be alone, she refused to try to make friends and started dressing gothicly to ward people away. However, a boy saw through her act though and he liked what he saw, he asked her out on a date. She initially denied but Jackson kept persisting. She gave into him and they continued dating. Hana fell in love with him and life was better for a while. One day Jackson broke her heart by saying goodbye. This is when one of her less noticeable abilities surfaced. Hana being able to make others feel what she wants them to(emotionally), accidentally made Jackson love her again. Although she wasn't over him when he crawled back to her she turned him down and broke his heart in return.

During her whole life her sister had picked on her when their parents weren't around. When she was littler her little sister would hold her upside down of the bunk beds which resulted in Hana having a severe fear of heights. As she grew older she began growing very adept at blocking and dodging her sisters hits when she beat on her. This made her sister very annoyed however Hana felt better as she was the one finally in power .When Hana was 14, out of the blue, her sister was chasing after Hana and calling her names, then she turned around to push her sister away her hand turned into a a blade. She pulled back so as not to cut her sister, but, her sister pushed her hand into her face which gave her the scar in her left eyebrow. Shocked Hana ran to her mother and asked her what was happening. Her mother looking wary took Hana with her to her room to talk. She told Hana that she had gotten pregnant with her when she was having an affair. When she found out her lover was a weapon she panicked and broke it off. However, Hana had gotten her fathers abilities. Hana was then enrolled at the DWMA in order to learn how to control her powers.

Personality: Despite her dark outward appearance underneath it, Hana is a very sweet and compassionate person, however when she's angry, she will not hold anything back! She is extremely sensitive to what others around her are feeling, and tends to be sad when they are sad or happy when they are happy. This allows her to relate with most people and match wavelengths fairly easily. She is easily intimated; by people or tasks. She also tends to give up easily.

While she is an individual she is very shy, and rarely shows her whole self to people. She isn't a decision maker, or a leader, she prefers to leave that up to other people. Although she is slow to trust, she has an extremely loyal personality and will never give up on a person. She acts completely capable, which in a way she is, but she longs for someone who will make sure she is taken care of, physically and emotional. She's very quiet most of the time, but, when she is comfortable with you she will always say whatever is on her mind and tends to be a little bossy. Though she is hesitant to initiate exciting situations she loves adrenaline rushes. When Hana is happy she tends to be a little less quiet and rather spontaneous with the things she says, and laughs a lot. But, when she is sad you can barely tell she keeps it all to herself and she looks perhaps a little tired on the outside when on the inside she is dying.

Abilities:
Technique Name:Full Transformation
Effects/Description: Turns into a sword that is double edged and two and a half feet long.

Technique Name:Partial transformation
Effects/Description: Generally only takes place when delivering a blow, her arm goes into it's blade form.

Technique Name:Feeling Wavelength
Effects/Description: Can tell what others are feeling, and make them feel what she wants (emotionally),by encouraging them to with her thoughts. People won't do anything they refuse to, they are just so taken off guard by the strong impulse that they usually do. Very subtle yet useful.

Combat style: Fighting alone she is very defensive, preferring to elude the enemy while she waits for an opening to strike. She is very flexible and able to surprise the enemy with it. Would rather take the enemy out with one or two more serious blows than degrading them little by little.

Miscellaneous: Her biggest fear is heights

Strengths:

*Flexibility

*Speed

*Dodging ability

Weaknesses:

*Low force behind blows

*Gives up quickly

*Easily intimidated

Role play sample:

As Hana sat in English the teacher called on her "Hana" She said "What is the main theme of the book Romeo and Juliet?"

"The most obvious would be love" Hana replied.

"Very good! Dave could you expand on...".' On the subject of love my eyes wandered to the back of Jackson's head, he had been avoiding me for a week and a half now, I just wanted him to love me again, or even act as though I didn't disgust him.

' The bell rang and the students rose. Hana took her time gathering her things in order for Jackson to catch up to her. She expected him to ignore her as he passed.

' This is ridiculous, he needs to man up!'

However as he passed he said "Hey",

"Hi" Hanna replied taken aback. 'This is the first word he has said to me since we broke up...'
Edited by liolet, Mar 6 2011, 08:02 AM.
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Yoii Hana~ Welcome to 42 ^_^ Hopefully you should have a great time here~ I should mention before I get into modding that no matter how perfect an RP sample I’ll try my best to find areas to improve. At 42 we really encourage everyone to always try their best so they become super amazing RPErs ~~~

Clothing & Description:
Good job on the body :3

History:
It is great that you are concise but it would be awesome if you could expand on this a little ^_^ At the moment it is note form that just outlines her history in as few words as possible :3 Tell us some interesting stuff about her!

What made her who she is today~~?

Also, it is “Shibusen” or DWMA (whether you prefer the Japanese or English) rather than Shinbone.

Perhaps you could also tell us how/when she learnt to fight, and why she is so afraid of heights?

Personality:
You’ve done a nice job giving the everyday personality, and you’ve ticked all the boxes for a character ^^ However, what makes her unique? What does she like? What does she hate? What makes her happy and sad, and how does she act when she is happy, sad or angry~~?

Could you also add her weaknesses to her personality? :3

Abilities:
Can you please describe (in detail~)
  • Her full transformation
  • Her partial transformation
  • The break-apart-connect thing
  • The empathy ability in a lot more detail :3 This is a really important point, as the ability seems to be used a lot, and brings up a lot of interesting questions!


RP Sample:
Could you write in 3rd person? ^_^ I’ve found from reading a lot of profiles and lots and lots of RP posts that people can improve much faster when they write in third person rather than first person.

Was her next command to Jackson this? =P

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liolet

I actually started Hana off as a sword, but I thought that might not be origonal enough so I changed it. I really like this better though. Also excellent suggestions, thank you!
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Quote:
 
Effects/Description: Can tell what others are feeling, and make them feel what she wants (emotionally), by asking/commanding them to in her head. Can control wants/desires. Although it sometimes seems like she can control peoples actions ultimately they can't do anything they refuse to, they are just so taken off guard by the strong impulse that they usually do. Very subtle yet


Could you please make this a little less potent? :3 At the moment it sounds like she could control even Shinigami and the ultra-strong kishin Ashura!

Also, could you limit it to just emotions? In your RP sample Jackson is influenced to do very specific actions, rather than just feeling certain emotions =3

I'm glad you chose to go with your preferred weapon ^^ RPing is a personal thing, and I just heard recenty that some people on the c-box have been pretty rude telling other people that their ideas are stupid or unoriginal. RPing should be fun and enjoyable, and if that means being a sword or being a whip, well, then be it! There's no reason to RP if it is a drag ^^
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liolet

Hope you like the edits :)
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Thanks for the edit ^__^

Abilities:
Could you tone down the following bolded sections? :3
Quote:
 
Can tell what others are feeling, and make them feel what she wants (emotionally), by asking/commanding them to in her head. Can control wants/desires. Although it sometimes seems like she can control peoples actions ultimately they can't do anything they refuse to, they are just so taken off guard by the strong impulse that they usually do. Very subtle yet useful.


RP Sample:
Most people like to include character thoughts (as you seem to~) but they tend to break it up by using the italics command [i] words between these brackets are in italics [/i] = words between these brackets are in italics

So instead of ...
Quote:
 
As Hana sat in English the teacher called on her "Hana" She said "What is the main theme of the book Romeo and Juliet?" "The most obvious would be love" Hana replied. "Very good! Dave could you expand on...". On the subject of love my eyes wandered to the back of Jackson's head, he had been avoiding me for a week and a half now.
I just wanted him to love me again, or even act as though I didn't disgust him.' The bell rang and the students rose.

Could you try to write something like ...

Quote:
 
As Hana sat in English the teacher called on her "Hana" She said "What is the main theme of the book Romeo and Juliet?"

"The most obvious would be love" Hana replied.

"Very good! Dave could you expand on...". On the subject of love Hana's eyes wandered to the back of Jackson's head, he had been avoiding Hana for a week and a half now.

'I just wanted him to love me again, or even act as though I didn't disgust him.' The bell rang and the students rose.


I also started a new paragraph whenever someone new talks (to avoid paragraphs like "Hi." "Hey." "How ya doing" "Good, you" "Pretty good, how was the game" "The game was awesome, wish you came" "Yeah I wanted too as well") As it can get hard to know who is talking @_@

Other than those 2 things though, this paragraph looks 95% ready for acceptance! ^^
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liolet

I think I am almost done! Yay! Thank you for helping me get my character cohesive and correct :)
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Thanks for the edits ^_^

I think this profile has improved a lot, so I'm going to accept this profile!

I'll be watching how you use the empath-skill though, so make sure you don't make it too overpowered without doing a Training Thread first :3
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