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| Locke Kresnik Rambo III; Its been a while Die Die Kill... | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Jan 6 2011, 04:32 AM (696 Views) | |
| Imp of Chaos | Jan 12 2011, 03:24 AM Post #11 |
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Administrator - Gleefully Cruel
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Clothing and Description It would be great if you could add in a few more details here. How does his cloak look when it is full? Bulky? Does it rattle with all that stuff in it? Does he smell bad? Remember that this is the first impression people are going to get, not only of your character but your ability to describe things in RP~ History There are a few sentences that could be reworded here, also please choose just one tense and stick with it – although we prefer past tense, you can use present if it suits you better, just not both =P Personality You mention he is bold and brash and reckless three or four times. It would be great to hear about other facets of his personality. What is he like on a good day? A bad day? Does he have any hobbies, likes, dislikes, things that make him angry? Does he have a strong sense of Justice? It would be fantastic if you could fill him out as a character just a little bit more! ^___^ Abilities You say his eyes are like telescopes – how far can he see? Does he have to remain still while gazing into the distance (try running around with a pair of binoculars strapped to your face =P) you mention he has a number of one shot items – could you please make sure you specify how many of each item (rather than 'possibly five') he has and what they do (for example, toy robots? What? And how powerful are the bear traps? Would they break someone's leg, or would they be as painful as a rubber band flick?). I may ask you to tone down the number of items. Combat Mastery is a very strong word, what kind of power level are we talking about here? Strengths and Weaknesses What powers granted by his soul wavelength? You say he is somewhat easily confused but this shows up nowhere else in the profile. Could you elaborate on this a little more in the personality? :3 same with 'do anything to gain power' the kleptomania is not well covered in the profile, could you add a short explanation in your personality. Overall I can't wait to see what you make of this character. Thank you for your patience. |
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| KingRave | Jan 12 2011, 03:59 AM Post #12 |
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King Of G-Rave
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EDITED. |
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| Shinigami | Jan 12 2011, 07:46 AM Post #13 |
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Yoii ~ My turn again ![]() I can see you’re getting a tad frustrated with how long we are taking to mod you character. I know it can be annoying, but it’s because you seem to be doing minimal edits each time, so we have to keep on helping you to improve ^__^ If you want Locke to be approved ASAP the best thing you could do would be to work really hard on the profile and really think about things! It would save you a lot of time. Personality:
Could you rewrite this? At the moment it doesn’t make too much sense. Does Locke’s personality ever vary? You and I have times when we are angry, and times when we are sad. Everyone shows off their emotions in different ways. Eg: When Imp is angry she swears a lot. When I am angry I do not talk at all. So when Imp was asking ‘what is he like on good days and bad days’ she meant ‘how does Locke show his emotions? What is he like when he is happy? What is he like when he is sad or angry?’ As a side note, you list two things that he dislikes ![]() You mention how his “justice” is arbitary and unreliable. This is really awesome of you Good work on this. Could you also describe what his justice is? eg: Is his sense of justice “I should never hit a girl” or is it “I can beat up anyone weaker than me because they suck” or something else?Abilities: As I already mentioned, please make it so the cool down for his telescope eye is always ten minutes. Could you change the word “spikes” to “caltrops” so everyone can easily understand what you mean? |
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| KingRave | Jan 12 2011, 11:46 PM Post #14 |
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King Of G-Rave
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Edited. |
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| Shinigami | Jan 13 2011, 12:13 AM Post #15 |
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Well, it is been a hard slog for you but I think we can both agree that this profile has drastically improved! I hope I didn't frustrate you too much~! This profile is approved! |
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