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Hellebore Payne; Meister
Topic Started: Dec 20 2010, 07:12 PM (446 Views)
Phenominal Phenominon
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Character Name: Hellebore Jezebel Payne

Age: 14

Gender: Female

Type: Meister

Partnered? Not at the moment

Image: If applicable.

Clothing and description: Looks: She has long black hair that falls to her mid back-sleek straight, Purple eyes that turn red with anger lined with thick black eyelashes and eyebrows. A thin 5'6" body frame with a slender face with high cheekbones and soft pink lips. Skin color is a light brown.

Clothing: She enjoys wearing a yellow double spaghetti strap rank top with one strap on each shoulder falling down. Over top she wears a light grey mini-hoodie that reaches to her last ribs and sleeves reach to her elbow joint. Also she wears black skin tight, low rise skinny jeans with one inch stiletto that reach her knees.

History: From a young age Hellebore knew a life of heartache and misery. Her father died shortly after she was born and never met him. Her mother named her child after a flower. One day her mother became very ill and was near dying. In her last moment of life she gave Hellebore a sapphire necklace that took her life to get. Hellebore sat and watched her mother die that day, and was never the same again.

Shortly after Hellebore’s mother’s death, she was kicked out of their small bungalow and forced to live on the streets at age 5 and stay there for two years. Throughout her time on the streets, she never let go of the necklace and still has it with her everywhere she went. Throughout her time there she became a headstrong, independent yet closed off person. She never let anybody inside her world.

I wasn’t until the day Hellebore met Eldon Sadist that things became much better. One evening Eldon found small Hellebore digging through her trash and ordered her inside. She wanted to know what Hellebore was doing digging through other people’s trash, but when she told her, she was shocked. She offered to let Hellebore stay as long as she wanted. Hellebore excitedly accepted.

Over the five years she lived with dear old Eldon she got new clothes, new style and got her life back. But one faithful day when Hellebore was on her way back from the market when she dropped everything and looked shocked. She saw her home, the one she had finally found happiness in, burning to the ground. She ran from the burning building when the police arrived and once again slipped into a depression when she finally realized that Eldon had perished. This time a thousand times worse.

She eventually gave up living life for good and tried to kill herself. But when she tried to plunge the knife into her heart, her mother and Eldon appeared before her. Though she knew this would happen-her mother had told her that she had seen spirits of the deceased as well and that Hellebore was most likely to inherit this gift as well-she dropped the knife and ran away from the abandoned warehouse. She thought that if she left the city she could be rid of the horrifying memories of her past.

After weeks of trekking through America she found a city named death. Once inside she stumbled upon a man that took her to a school high atop the mountain that was the city. Hellebore was scared because she hadn’t had any human contact in months and years before.

She was taken to meet with some men and was told to tell them why she was here. When she finished her story they ran some blood tests on her and told her she would be under the care until she was able to register for Shibusen as a meister. She stayed there for years and was happy, she still had her necklace that helped her stay sane (for the most part) but she would never be as happy as she was when she was with Eldon.

During her time living in Shibusen, she found another power that was really strange. A woman had gone in to Hellebore's room to clean it up while she was away and accidentally dropped the necklace and forgot to pick it up. When Hellebore returned, the woman was still there and she saw the necklace on the floor. She got so angry that someone had disgraced her prized possession that at one glare at the women she suddenly fell on the ground, writhing in immense pain. This was how she found her, personal power and vowed to learn how to control it and only use it in emergencies.

Personality: Hellebore is headstrong, independent yet self-dependant person that doesn’t like that much human contact. But if you somehow break through her shell she can be a kind friend that won’t let you get hurt ever. In private she is a happy go lucky girl that loves to do things her own way, no matter what the outcome may be. She treats strangers, or even people she knows, like they don't exist. She has found that anyone she trusts has left her, but she herself is very trustworthy.

Abilities: Has a strange ability to kill people she is really angry with in just one glance, only can used in emergencies.

Ability: Pained Glance
Description: During times of desperate need, she can turn her eyes red and can cause someone enough pain to distract them from a fight with a single glance. Only can be used in desperate times. Can only use it once during thread.

Ability: Ghost sight
Description: Hellebore has the strange ability to see souls that have passed on from this earth (ghosts). Where most meisters can only see the soul while it is alive or like everyone in Soul Eater just after death, Hellebore can see them after long periods of time in their death and communicate with them. Ghosts look like the people they were but with a smudged silhouette. Ghosts of anything/body can call to her. She can only use this ability when very concentrated. She has no control and any thing can come at any time. But if she tries hard she can control at times. She can only see one spirit at a time. Can speak to spirits of any kind (animals, humans only though. No flowers or plants).

Combat Style: She likes to do head on attacks and retreat before she gets hit, though it does not always work. In hard battles she goes on defense alone and only strikes when there is an opening. She enjoys a good fight because it releases the bad energy she holds inside during the rest of her life. She is for the most part good, but in battle she losses herself and takes on a wild, reckless persona.

Miscellaneous Information: Hellebore has a horrible fear of people. She loves pandas. She loves to sing quietly to herself when no one can hear.

Strengths:

•At night battles she blends in with the darkness because of her black hair and darker skin.

Weaknesses:

•During battles in the day she sticks out more than usual and has a hard time sneaking up on the enemy.
•When someone around her is hurt or about to be she has the need to go help them and distracts her from her own battle and slows her down because of her kind nature and worry.

Role Play Example:

I lost myself in the thought of my past. My mind wandered from to the moment my mother had died. That had been several years ago but I remembered it like it was yesterday. The look of my mother's beautiful face purple from the lose of air as she drowned in her own blood. Her pupils dilated until they were just specs in her golden eyes. A horrifying picture. Sub-consciously I gripped the sapphire necklace in hopes to rid the last memory I had of my mother. Next moment I saw was Eldon’s small home burning to the ground. I could still hear her screaming from the burning building. I jolted up in my bed screaming. I thought thinking of my past would help me move on and ease the pain, but it only made me hurt more and all I wanted to do now was go back and die along with them.
Edited by Phenominal Phenominon, Dec 23 2010, 08:30 AM.
Hellebore's thoughts Phenominon's Thoughts
Hellebore talking. Phenominon Talking
Sick of crying
Tired of trying.
Yeah I'm smiling
But inside I'm dying.
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Imp of Chaos
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Hi there Phen :3 I'll be modding your character~ When you edit, please be sure to post in this thread so I know it is ready for me to look at again!

Clothing and description

This is very nicely written – consise and easy to understand. Well done~

History

You never mention that Eldin died, but I assume they did. Could you just clarify this for the reader?

Personality

Could you flesh this out a little bit? What is she like in private? Is she happy? Depressed? How does she treat strangers and other people?

Abilities

Her ability to see the souls of those who have passed on needs more explanation – in soul eater everyone can see the soul of a dead person – it hovers above the body – but I assume you mean the 'spirit' like when her mother and Eldin stopped her from committing suicide.

Death glare – what is the range? what is the intencity? how many people can she glare at, at a time? Does she have to be mad? How easy is it for her to be made mad?

Death thought – this is far too strong for the board please get rid of it.

these abilities need to be added into the history – how did she discover them/how to use them?

Combat Style

Seeing as Helle is a meister I'd love it if you could elaborate on this a little bit. How does she feel about battle? Is she good or bad? That sort of thing

strengths and weaknesses

please add her amazing strength and speed into abilities and talk a little about it in her history.

Please re-write her weaknesses so they are more clear ^__^ it would also be great if you could give her a more potent weakness or three, as she is super fast, super strong, can kill with a thought, and can't be seen at night... and her weaknesses are that sometimes maybe she gets a little bit distracted. It's important to have a balanced character, and although this can be difficult I know, but I'm sure you can do it~

Overall

This is a really interesting character and I really look forward to seeing it fleshed out a little bit :3 I can't wait to know more about Helle!
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Will
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Phenominal Phenominon
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Okay.
Weakness rewritten, hop that was what you were looking for.
History updated with both abilities/powers/Elden's death.
Pretty much everything you told to fixed was fixed to my full capacity!
Thanks!
Hellebore's thoughts Phenominon's Thoughts
Hellebore talking. Phenominon Talking
Sick of crying
Tired of trying.
Yeah I'm smiling
But inside I'm dying.
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Imp of Chaos
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OKAY~ sorry this has taken so long, so let's get down to business ^___^

Abilities

ghost sight – could you make this into a proper ability please?

for example
 
Name: Ghost Sight
Description: Hellebore has the strange ability to see souls that have passed on from this earth(ghosts). Where most meisters can only see the soul while it is alive or or like everyone in Soul Eater just after death, Hellebore can see them after long periods of time in their death and comunicate with them.


I would also like to know what ghosts look like to Helle, and how often she can see them – is it all ghosts all the time? You may want to consider that there have been hundreds of thousands of people who have died over the history of the human race – can she see them all at the same time, or can she control the ability? Also can she see the ghosts of animals?

Death glare – please tone this down, it is too powerful.

Super strength and super speed – please get rid of these. Average strength and speed is fine, but coupled with her special ghost seeing ability and her special death glare, this is too much ^__^
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Will
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Phenominal Phenominon
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Edited.
Just so you know, I kept the last paragraph because the necklace is something really important and it feels like a person to her, and she care for her 'mother'. Just so you know.
Thanks! :wub:
Hellebore's thoughts Phenominon's Thoughts
Hellebore talking. Phenominon Talking
Sick of crying
Tired of trying.
Yeah I'm smiling
But inside I'm dying.
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Imp of Chaos
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I apologise for not being clear in my last mod ^___^ but when I said death glare needs to be 'toned down' I meant so that it doesn't have the power to kill. It would be fine if she could inflict pain on people with her glare, but I would still need you to define how often she can use it in a thread.

With ghost sight, could you also please tell me if she can talk to the ghosts of animals?

other than that this is starting to look ship shape. You might want to go through it with a spell check, and before it is accepted it would be great if you could peruse the board's rules and guidelines~ If you need help with finding them I am sure someone on the cbox can direct you :3
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Will
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Phenominal Phenominon
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Okay!
Death Glare- Now only able to cause immense pain.
Ghost Sight- Clarified that she can talk to animals.
Rules read and I promise to ablige to each and every on! (Did I do something in the profile I shouldn't of?)
Okey Dokey! Thanks!!! :wub:
Hellebore's thoughts Phenominon's Thoughts
Hellebore talking. Phenominon Talking
Sick of crying
Tired of trying.
Yeah I'm smiling
But inside I'm dying.
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Imp of Chaos
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Okay so before I go about approving this could you just give it a bit of a clean up – so could you get rid of any mention of Helle being able to kill someone with a look or a thought? Also in strengths and weaknesses please get rid of super speed and super strength – it's okay you don't need to have three strengths and three weaknesses, you can have whatever number you like.
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Will
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Phenominal Phenominon
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All cleaned up!
Okay, in the last paragraph of the history, you will notice I kept the paragraph. I highlighted the point that she only causes pain. I even changed the named to Pained Glance instead of Death Glare!Also speed and strength have been removed. Found no more mentions of being able to kill with thought or glare.
Thanks for modding Helle as fast as you have! :wub:
Hellebore's thoughts Phenominon's Thoughts
Hellebore talking. Phenominon Talking
Sick of crying
Tired of trying.
Yeah I'm smiling
But inside I'm dying.
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Imp of Chaos
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Accepted. Play fair and have fun~
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Will
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