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Demented Dictionary and Bent Proverbs
Topic Started: May 21 2010, 07:54 AM (360 Views)
Rue
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Rue

As we travel down the path of life we bend and adapt proverbs and "invent" words to best describe what we want to express.Some come from movies and tv and some we ourselves blend to achieve our point.I have several and hope you'll share some of yours.


Bent Proverb:

Those living in fat asses shouldn't throw waffles!"
dictionary word:

crop dusting: the act of laying a fart across an area for the next poor bastard to endure


Dictionary Word

Manscape:What a guy does around his dangly bits.Hopefully you never have to witness this as it WILL piss him off when you start giggling.



Proverb:
Procrastinate now,don't put it off until later


see what I means? :whistle:
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Bigtoe
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LOL! Manscaping! Wife howled.
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Rue
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Rue
Bent proverb 2. I actually stole this one from my bumper sticker

If you are going to ride my ass, You could at least pull my hair


Dictionary word

Mantrum: self - explanatory
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Science Chic
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The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido : All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
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dumblonde
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:ROFL:
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DaisyLover

Good one SC! :laugh:

When someone asks me the obvious - I usually say, "Does the Pope poop in the woods?"

I get some weird looks but it's just combining two other sayings - Does a bear poop in the woods? and Is the Pope Catholic?

Edited - Why couldn't one say.............Is a bear Catholic? Hmmmmmm - I'm going to think about that one.
Edited by DaisyLover, May 25 2010, 07:21 AM.
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dumblonde
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I have an aunt who declares "A stitch in time saves lives!" I can never figure out what that means. Too bad she's not a surgeon. It'd make more sense then.
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